The communal nut bowl, trust issues and Celebrity Gladiators!

30:23i've just done a sniff up and it really hurt me nose me left nostril i don't know what i've done i think i've deviated something this is it this is the end deviated the septum Deviated Septim. It's the least gladiator I think I've ever heard.

30:38Behind the scenes, we're just about to drop in the podcast that Chris is doing Celebrity Gladiators while he complains that he sniffed and he's thinking he's got a deviated septim. I sniffed up too hard and I've hurt me left nostril. Jesus Christ. But, it's clear. It hurt, but, is this? Fuck me, I'm cute. I'm cute. This is weird. Sorry everyone, you just haven't listened to a sniff for a bit. Listen, I'm doing Celebrity Gladiators. Yay! It's been announced today. Nice. Yes. Nice. Very exciting. Watch it when I was a kid. My God. I can't get to do the travel here and that. I know. Just don't hurt yourself.

31:11I'll 100 % hurt myself. Oh, for fuck's sake. I will 100 % be hurt. I will be limping or in pain somehow when I get home. We've got nothing booked for when you... So, okay. Fair enough. All right. Great. I'll just tell them... Have a lovely time. I think you'll do well. I genuinely think you'll do really well. You're much fitter now than you ever used to be. to be well famous last words no you do i showed my there's no nostril based games so i should be okay i showed my mates a picture of you when we're on holiday and you had no top on and my friend was like eh when did chris get abs and i went actually he's just recently got them so no they've always been there just more defined well done congratulations i'm looking forward to it it's gonna be fun it's time for what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef i've got a few no way because we've spent so much time together.

32:03That guy on TikTok is going to love this. Yeah, yeah. Why is she so nasty to him? Come on then. No, I don't know. I think, can I just say as well on the point of why she's so nasty, I think we talk quite frankly to each other. Oh, massively. And I think sometimes the funniest clips is when you're having a go at me. I think if it's the other way around, if we just put, because the clips are the clips, but obviously people who listen to this loads and know we'll have a go. I think we'll fight, we'll hold our own quite well. Yeah, absolutely. But if mainly the clips that went out with just me berating you on the internet.

32:32I don't think that would go that well. No. Yeah. And also, I don't know, I like to think that I'm a modern woman who lives in the world. I've got a lot of friends who are in similar situations. And this is how we talk. This is like, and I'm sure you do with your friends. I just think we both do as good as we can. Yeah. And, you know, in modern life, like, this is the crack. And, you know, it's a podcast where we get together once a week. We're sitting down. We don't talk to each other like this in normal life. We're not sitting going, and then, oh, well, you know, like, how are you? Sometimes I do.

33:05Well, maybe, every now and again. Oh, I loved that wine last night. I might have some more. I just, I was going to lay off the drink for a bit, but I just don't want him. Is there summer holidays? I know. I don't give a shit. What parent lays off the drink in the summer holidays? Well, I just piled the weight on that, but also, don't give a shit. Oh, by the way, you're going to be really proud of us, everyone. I almost ruined a day on holiday because of how I looked in my costume, didn't I? We took a picture and we hired a boat, didn't we? We had a lovely day out on a boat because we're both 40 this year and we thought we'd treat ourselves.

33:37It was gorgeous. It was a little party. It was such a good day. But then we got a picture taken together and I didn't like how I looked in my costume. I'm not going to say I looked a certain way, but I didn't like how I looked. Anyway, I had about an hour, didn't I? I was just gutted and I just felt disgusted and blah, blah, blah. And then I went down to the little cabin downstairs and I looked in the mirror and I went, pack it in I literally I don't tell you this you pointed yourself in the mirror I pointed myself in the mirror and I went pack it in I'm not ruining a lush day because I think that I look overweight in my costume because at the end of the day I can't do I can't click my fingers and lose two stone you know what I mean I'm not gonna not have a drink because I'm like oh so I just and I had a mint holiday in the meantime because I just thought this is how I look right now and let's shut up sorry we've done a holiday update we've told everyone about little bits of the holiday we haven't touched on the fact that one night you basically lost half a stone in the middle of the night oh yeah oh don't because I'm so embarrassed god it was awful I know but I'm really embarrassed because I told my friend right so like listen right set the scene everyone this is this is okay because I'm a greedy fat pig listen listen there was there was two little bits of the room there was the bit with the sofa bed outside we all know we all stayed in these places there's a sofa bed in the main bit and then there's the main bed and Robin was Robin was staying in a room with Sandra so I was in the big bed on my own and Rafe wanted to sleep on the sofa bed with you for some weird reason so I got the big bed on my own which was amazing I'm half asleep Rosie comes in middle of the night guys oh Chris because you know she's a fainter which is fun oh Chris I don't know if I'm going to faint or I'm going to be sick I went right bear in mind I've been awake for hours just sort of like in bed couldn't move because I just felt up to here like my stomach was full and bloated and now just felt disgusting right on the blast doors yeah um and she came in guys right and she goes um i don't know whether i'm gonna be sick or or pass out you lay down on the bed i was like right lie down the bed i was like do you need anything you're like no and then you went no i'm gonna be sick you need to get us a bucket well i didn't have a bucket um luckily there was a like a waste paper bin in the corner of the bedroom and it was i mean i'm not it was probably the size of a large popcorn bucket from the cinema yeah and it had a thankfully it had a plastic bag in it and we hadn't used it it had been changed before i went to bed and i brought i saw it i picked it up you did i walked to you the instant i put it in your hands whack yeah the most sick sorry everyone the most sick i have ever seen come out of a human head the exorcist guys she filled the bin filled the bin filled the i'm talking large popcorn bucket yeah middle of the took me hours to get back to sleep.

36:21I was scarred. Well, weirdly, that's why I think I'm a bit weird because as soon as I was sick, I was like... Just came out. I'm fine. Like Little Britain. Remember Little Britain where it used to fire? Yeah. Unbelievable. I know. And tell everyone, tell everyone how we think you got it. Well, I had prawns, right? I had prawns. I was like, is it the prawns? I had some of them prawns. You had some of the prawns. But also, I was fine. As soon as I vomited... That was weird. I was absolutely fine. Yeah, it was like the reset button had been pressed. But I did shit myself the day before. Great. Yeah.

36:54I mean... But that was the eggs. She has a right laugh to go on holiday with, by the way. No, I'm not well. There's something wrong with us. Like, genuinely. That was the eggs. The funny bit is that you keep eating these things. But carry on. Can you tell everyone what we've narrowed it down to? We narrowed it down to... To something that no one in their right mind ever eats. But this greedy fucker... So it was nearing dinner time on a night time. And I was being really good on holiday. I was only having Greek salads for lunch. Without the feta, which isn't a Greek salad. Without the feta. So it was just cucumber and vinegar.

37:26So I was really hungry. And we went to a different pool at the hotel. There was loads of pools. And then we got a glass of wine. And the lady brought a little tray of nuts. And I ate the tray. I didn't have that many. From the communal nut bowl. I had a handful of the communal nut bowl. At the five-star hotel, though. But the communal nut bowl. I know. My mom was so disappointed. People go to the toilet. They have a piss. They pick their ass. And I know all of this. They put cream on their children. They put cream on their feet. They go for a wank. They put their hands in the bowl. These bowls have been tested.

38:00And then they just put them back in the... So these bowls have been tested, right? I know all of this. Yeah, they put them all around all the sunbeds and they just put them back in the communal thing. But these bowls have been tested in country, in bars and in countries where people aren't walking around in their fucking underpants. I know. All right. I've learned my lesson. I will never, ever, ever. I might. Don't you fucking lie to me! Don't you lie to me! I've learned, because they've got three nuts. What about crisps? What about when they put crisps down? I eat them. I always do. Maybe not as bad with the crisps.

38:29So the crisps will dry out and go a bit, like, you know, when they go a bit there. So they'll probably bin them. But the crisps, the nuts that are, I'm telling you, they'll just put them back in, a big vat of nuts. So do you think that's what it was? Ah, someone's picked his arse. He's fucking had a wank. He's picked his nose. It's all the men. I see how you're saying blokes there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, fair enough. And he's got a big hand, but he's done that thing where he's got the one like that and he's held it and opened it. Oh, I put them all in. Some of them fell in his mouth. Oh, I don't like that one.

38:57He spat it back in his hand. He's put it back in the thing. His kids sneezed on it and then they've put it back in the communal. And you've went, woohoo, freaking nuts. I know. And they were like dry roasted. Mm. Oh, God, yeah. Anyway, well, I vomited and then I was like... Sorry, can I just say, you said dry roasted there with like... Oh. There were... honestly we've just talked about how they made you violently sick and you're like I'm not a word you've got to remember eggs make a shit myself I haven't stopped eating them you had an egg the day I did because on holiday the first day the first day I shit myself I had to literally go to the toilets and clean the gusset of me costume it's been the worst Craig David song ever when on holiday on Monday shop myself on Tuesday eat the fucking nuts on Wednesday and on Chris get the bin fucking

39:52on the first on the first money can't buy your class money can't buy your class I'm sorry I was all just shit yourself and fill in the bins I know I was so upset but do you know what it is I'm not even embarrassed I know when you have shit yourselves we get them all the time I wasn't even embarrassed I was just more annoyed where I was like these fucking eggs are ruining me god damn life but they're bloody good for you but they're so good for you and I'm not Side note, sorry. There's nothing else in the morning that I want other than crumpets and toast. Yeah. Side note, sorry, by the way. Yeah, sorry, this is really long.

40:24We emptied that bin. We emptied the bin liner. We binned it, like, the maids had no idea that that happened. But if I was literally a millisecond later, I hadn't knew that bin. I'd have bombed all over the curtains. That would have been the worst, worst, worst thing ever. It would have been one of them. It would have gone through my fingers. It would have went everywhere, yeah. It would have been like, you know, when a hippo does a shit and it flicks its little tail and it goes whoosh. Mind I get over stuff really quickly, though, I don't know. I was absolutely fine. It was like someone who put a little paper clip in the back of a Tamagotchi.

40:50Reset. You were really fine. You get quite impressed at how good I am at just dealing. I said to you, you were up and about the next day at the pool. I said I'd have been in bed for two days after that. Well, I was very poorly and I thought this is not going to ruin my holiday. Very well. Yeah, man. I had food poisoning in Paris and I walked 20 ,000 steps. Nice. This was years ago. I fainted in the park. Of course you did. But I was like, I'm here. I'm not ruining my holiday. I drank and everything. I was so ill wow I lost£5 wow oh mate I was so ill but I was good £1 or euros

41:20yeah yeah

41:27listen what's your beef man you're in

41:31what's your beef oh I don't even go no I've got loads erm why have I got why have I wrote in my notes mascot mosquito a plane why i wrote that i don't know anyway um mosquito a plane all right but me only beef with you right now and we aren't even we don't get heat wave weather you are constantly boiling i'm the dad from i'm so it's so upsetting every fucking window's open every door's open guys on a night time i've got me slipper socks on and a dressing gown yeah it's Our house is so cold. It's not. It's fucking hotter than hell. It's not that hot. It's so hot. We have not gone above 24 degrees during this heat wave.

42:16I'm boiling. I've got loads, like, and I'm always having to do stuff. I'm sick of this. I sit in a room with all the windows open watching the tenet. You come in, clean me, you're cold. I have your fucking blanket and the thing on. You shut all the way down. I'm dying. I could put the fire on. It's that cold. That's ridiculous. You're ridiculous. You're ill. You're ridiculous. I'm ill, but you're ill. Are you warm now? I'm really warm now. I am absolutely just lovely. Absolutely just lovely. Extra medium. I'm just so lovely. Lovely. No, I'm fine. This is perfect. Are you hot now? A little bit hot, yeah.

42:52My feet are really hot. I'm going to get ill. There's something wrong with you. I get too hot. I'm running hot. That was one thing on holiday. You had that air condo. Oh. Oh, I changed the air condo without telling others. You've never seen anything like that. Oh, you want to trust the people you live with? when we were in London working, Chris said to me, how's this air con for you? And I went, it's absolutely perfect. I was like, this is fine. I can deal with this. It was fucking freezing, by the way. And I thought, he loves it cold, so leave it. Guess what this little fuck I did? Turn it down without telling us.

43:20That is deceit. That's how it happens. Do you know how perverts start? Upskirts. Do you know how deceit in a relationship? I changed the fucking thing. What are you talking about? Deceit in a relationship is that. Right, so you're telling me. You lied. You were like, I haven't. You're telling me changing the air con just slightly because we'd only just arrived in the room and I knew we'd be getting ready and stuff in the room. So I knew that our body temperature was going to raise the temperature of the room. So I said, how do you feel this now? How is it feeling now? And you're like, this is perfect.

43:50I thought, okay, to maintain it at this level, I probably have to knock it down a couple of degrees because our body heat and the hair dryer. Well, why didn't you say that though? Why didn't you say, Rosie, actually, I'm going to. Dead busy. No, we were not busy. It was a day off. We weren't even working. that changing the aircon a couple of degrees is a gateway drug to deceit hiding money murdering you, secret families great, great, there it is well, I've done step one of that 12 step programme it is deceitful though, it is deceitful I don't like that crack, because I'd have said to you right, well I'm absolutely boiling can I turn it down a couple, rather than you just went, yeah no bother to yourself I'm going to turn this down and then I found out, didn't I?

44:34Because I find out. So what the fuck was your beef? Oh, I'm too hot. Do you think you're always too hot? Okay. Just like you lie to us? My beef with you is you have levels of concern about the children's safety. I don't understand. And the main level of concern you ever have about the children's safety is... No, this is about running through the water. No, no, no. Your main level of concern, anywhere but the children's safety um is chris can you go and check on the kids they might be unsafe or hurt you're never concerned enough to move off your own fucking arse and check them yourself your level of concern is chris go go and check on them i think they're fine well i don't think they are but if you don't think they are rosie why don't you go check on them oh no i don't think they're that unfine they're not that and they're a level of i'm being a level of fanny where i won't get up but i want you to go and check and i never really have to go over and checked on the kid he was absolutely fine you did it on the holiday where's Rafe where's Rafe in the pool Chris Chris he could be drowning oh he could be drowning you obviously don't think he is drowning because you haven't got up to go and check if he's drowning but I have what is it you always say to me we've got our jobs right my job is going to check on the kids next holiday like I've said before no I'm not buying a fucking thing okay you can do everything you can buy all of the new clothes that they need because none of the last year's swimming stuff or anything fits them.

46:04No problem. You can make sure that they've got all their creams, they've got their calpals, they've got their whatever they need. Pack for everybody including yourself, all right? And then you can say to me on holiday go and check if they're all right. And you know what? If I haven't had to do all of that and everything that gets with... Oh, I tell you what as well. You can book it. You can renew the passport. You can make sure everything's up to date. You can book it. You can also book the parking which is what I did. that you can book the transfers, you can liaise with the hotel and you can book all of the transfers to and from the airport and you can just turn up and go, what airport we're going to?

46:38What do I look for on the board? And the minute you do that, you can say to me on holiday, are they all right? And I'll get up off my lounge jet and I'll go check. But until you do all that, I'm not fucking doing anything. I buy all the clothes. I can do everything. I'll get them now on Amazon. Chris, you do nothing for our holidays. You do nothing. And then when I get there and I say, can you go and check the kids are all right? You're complaining. How do you feel about the children wearing what I'd like to call a holiday uniform? Which is just seven of the same outfit. Great. Why not? Why not?

47:13Let them be the weird kids around the pool. Like Peter Griffin? Yeah. Homer Simpson? Yeah. Just the same thing? Am I right? Yeah, you're right. Backfired massively that. I'm well upset about that. And it actually got hotter. I think you think you had some. It got hotter in here when you did that. Did it? Oh, why don't you just light yourself

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48:43It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public, public. Public. As always, if you like to get in touch, it is shaggedmoudinoid at gmail.com to send her a big, lovely, fancy email or 07874406650 to send a voice note. Oh, a voice note? Oh! I haven't listened to them. I've got a voice note. Have you? Yeah. I've actually got a voice note that I got sent off our friend. You haven't heard this. So our friend... Well, I'll save them for next time. Yeah, yeah. Our friend Vicky, friend of the podcast, one of my mate's wives. Yeah. She got in touch with me, sent me a voice note while we were on holiday.

49:23and I've asked her for her permission to play it on here and just said I can. Oh. So it is... Is it slagging me off? No, no, no, no, not at all. It's a dog. Another reason why we shouldn't get a dog that someone with a dog is sent with. Yeah, yeah, hold on. Okay. I'm just sitting with my neighbours who are podcast people and they're like older generation podcasts. I should be upset at that. She's called Lynn and she absolutely loves you. So she'll text us when your new podcast comes out every week being like, have you heard this, have you heard that? she's another one of those who's like are you botox vicky because rosie keeps telling everyone about my secret botox yes she's just saying she's got another she was gonna email in but she never gets around with and she was like i've got another story why chris should never ever get a dog she won't speak to you so i'll just tell you so that was it your dog lynn yeah yeah they a dog called george and he once was swinging a pair of kids filled underpants they were in a park so a kid had himself and someone had just thrown the pants down and the dog had found them was ragging them around swinging around and ate them and they took them to the vets and they were like oh they'll just have to work the way out so they were having to drive him around in a car over speed bumps to try and make him sick or have poo and he didn't but then two weeks later i was wretched in the garden and vomited up two week old shit stained on the pants and he had diary of two weeks what was the other one you said oh god oh swing the dead cat around i was wondering to find a dead cat and was swinging around in the garden so i'm just running that no in not in my garden not in her garden she wants to make that care but yeah just if you want to fight a no dog argument there's a couple of cocas for you wow wow george is a menace oh yeah i know i know that's the thing I know all of these things but I think you I think you love them like a child so it's you're right it's like you got kids it's like having kids yeah it's like you love them yeah but that's so bad that's so grim I particularly love would drove him round in the car over speed bumps to try and make him sick or make him well I just imagine him in a little dog chair like you know like like a booster seat he's just like he's like fucking ragging it over speed bump is he being sick yet No, no, he's actually quite enjoying it.

51:40God, how do you even make a dog sick? That's so funny. Oh, Jesus Christ. That is so funny. Imagine what that was like when he bombed that up. A two-week-old. Also, who's leaving the kids in monkey pants, man? Aren't people rotten? Your mate left someone on our doorstep. That was an accident. Don't talk about that. She's mortified by that, you know. Don't. That was an accident. Yeah, I get it. If you're having a big, long day in the park and you've got, you know. Yeah, put them in a bin, though. Yeah. These were clearly just left. Yeah, okay. Yeah, put them in a bin. Of course, what am I thinking?

52:10Yeah, put them in a bin. I was thinking more on the point of leaving them, but yeah, of course, put them in a bin. Just swinging shit. What's wrong with this dog? Just swinging shit, taking kegs around. And how did... What part of the dog that will beg for food off you and eat fucking chips or bits of meat that you give them or whatever and then eat actual dog food, dry or wet? What part goes... Cotton, kegs... Oh, just grab these. Yeah, these are great. Yeah, I've never under... I'll just swallow it as quick as I can. And certain dogs as well just eat shoes and shit. Oh, fuck that. There's so many things on Instagram I see where people are like, they just knack at their designer shoes and stuff.

52:46Oh, no. I know. Once you have kids, you know you can't have anything nice. Same with the dogs. We'd have to go down another level. Cars, the cars would all get shitter. Yeah. Your clothes that you wore day to day would all get shitter. Yeah. Because your dog is just going to jump up on you. Yeah. But listen, I'm still not saying never. Never saying never. Are you? I think I've gone. You were the one who wanted one. I know, but it's just too, I don't think I'd emotionally recover from... You would love it, though. Yeah. You would love it so much. Yeah. You would. Oh, no. Come on, you caught my sick.

53:16I did catch you sick. You did catch me sick. And I wouldn't like you. You were so good. No, you're lovers. You are great. You are really good. I did have to ask for a hug, though. Because... What? Sometimes I go for a hug and you tell us to fuck off. You don't want to cuddle. I didn't expect you to want a hug. I did. I wanted a hug. I had to say, can I please have a hug? I was like, I've caught a mozo for a hug. But sometimes I ask for a hug and you're like, no, I'm nearly due on. I'm overstimulated. Don't touch it. No, that's because what am I going to do when I'm perimenopausal? Oh, don't. I'm so, I'm really apprehensive about it.

53:45You know, apparently you just have no like estrogen. Like estrogen just goes. And so women, so this is what I've read. Is it this when, no, perimenopausal. This is where all estrogen goes. And it's like, you crave like spicy chicken and stuff. Oh no, that's perimenopausal. if you fucking clip that up i will lose my mind that is not the clip that we're using for social media oh he's back on oh back in the gym back on two thankfully the other two has already written i don't have to put that shit in it you are never coming on me period podcast by the way if you're gonna make jokes like that no but honestly i'm really worried about perimenopause and menopause because they've said what happened and i actually i've never been much of a sort of push over woman but a lot of women have just sort of been very kind of happy very easy going and then all of a sudden they hit perimenopause and they lose all of like the happy hormones so then they just start telling everyone exactly what they think about them but I've kind of already you're already there so what do you do do you go worse like the exorcist or do you go the other way and get nice is it possible to get nice no I think that happens with like dementia and stuff or Alzheimer's sometimes people who have been horrible their whole life get it and they're like lovely when I worked in the nursing home there was a woman I told you didn't I our daughter-in-law's came in and I was like oh my I loved her mate I loved her she gave us sweets and I was like she's such a lovely woman it's all it takes yeah she told us I was pretty every day she was like you are beautiful she's the nicest woman ever loved her our daughter-in-law's came in they were like she has made our life an absolute living hell our entire and I was like well I love her anyway so I'm not looking forward to it great neither am I anyway do some questions have we yeah Do your fucking job.

55:34No, you're just going to have to be patient with us. Because then you come back. Or disappear. What do you mean disappear? Just disappear. I'm busy. I've told you, I'm busy weaseling a bit of money away with my accountant. My new accountant who you don't know. You know, I'm planning for this. I'm planning for this. I'll be in the wind. I'm joking. Yeah, you better be. I don't need much anyway. No. No. Come on, read your questions. It's getting dark. Hello. it's absolutely not I meant the humour not the I didn't mean it's getting late no I will I will always what a clock in the afternoon I will always drag I was like it's not oh fucking hell I will always drag this down yeah I know because that's what we do it's just what I think that's a woman thing that's what we do you know anyway hello Ramsey we drag ourselves down alright come on we drag ourselves down meet me friends the bar closer the night we got with wine and a takeaway cup and sat on the beach crying.

56:36It's great. It's not a fucking night out. It's not a night out. It's absolutely class. Honestly, that's the one thing that I don't understand. You and your friends will sit around glasses of wine at the end of the night crying, talking and crying. And the next morning I'm like, hey God, what happened last night? Oh, it was mint. We had such a good chat. You just were all fucking crying. Yeah, but none of what pay for therapy. No, you don't have to do. I just remember when we had people around here I had all my friends, well, me and my two friends, and we, like, played on the golf sim, and it was a really late night, and me and the lads were sat, we did 18 fucking holes, three on a golf sim, which takes a good few hours, and then we sat in the other room, and we all had a pint in our hands, and you and their wives were in the other room, and one of my mates, I'll never, he looked like a fucking broken man, it was about three in the morning, he was standing, he was sitting, sorry, with a glass of beer, and he just looked at me, and he went, I'm with a still talk.

57:30and he just drank his beer and I was like that is a broken man we were sitting in silence we sat in silence oh yeah we could just talk for days man awful oh a weekend away oh a weekend away if you plan a night out I'm not going because I just want to sit and talk I don't want to go on a night out listen hello Ramseys I'm one of those long time listeners never have anything to send in emailers until now oh well thank you and we're glad you found something thanks like yourselves I timed my recent trip to London on a crazy heat wave week. Ah, yes. London has not cooled down. Godspeed, everyone in London.

58:05You're trying to sleep through that. It's just not cooled down. I bloody love yous. I have a look all the time. Bless yous, man. Fucking boiling. I went to visit a rock climbing centre that I've been wanting to go to for a while now. As you can imagine, any form of exercise... What? London? Like, what the hell? I don't think they've got any kids. Right. This is the life. Yeah. Oh, I've been desperate to try that rock pool. What, going to London? What, you got booked in? London Eye anything like that Tower of London you know Boat Tour you know St Paul's or whatever that rock climbing indoor rock climbing wall during the heatwave that I've been desperate to go to I hope it took you a fucking talc chalk or whatever they use well he says or heat it was a heat I think yeah it was a heat as you can imagine any form of exercise in a sweaty climbing gym during a heatwave would be pretty brutal but I was determined as I'd planned this for a long time and it says as well I'm from Yorkshire so you can imagine I want to get my money's worth.

58:59There it is. There you go. As I was slowly dying and sweat trimming from every crevice, I could see a member of staff from a distance carrying a tray full of cold, refreshing ice lollies. I couldn't believe it. Wow, this is London, and they are just giving away free ice lollies. How thoughtful. So I thought. As I approached the lady working there, my hand reaching out to grab one, I then realised they were not ice lollies at all. They were, in fact, tampons.

59:35fucking mini milks they've got the red one they've got the green one they've got the orange one I've just got a tray of tamar she must have been taking them to the bathroom yeah yeah but yeah I'm a guy so I couldn't get away with claiming one really maybe I should have said I'd take one for my wife oh what did he do well I think he's got there and thought I'm not going to get it he literally went like that what did he say what did he do? In his defence they do look a bit like ice lollies from the distance. Well I would have went I would have went I'm so sorry I thought they were ice lollies I think I'm delirious with the heat I genuinely thought they were ice lollies but if he didn't if he just went and then stopped and walked off that's worse.

1:00:09Anyway. Oh fair play. This is really old one just listening to an episode where you were talking about going to the doctors in brackets Chris going all the time when he was young Rosie only if she's dying. No no that was recent that's recent. Was it recent? Yeah yeah yeah. I can't remember the last time I went to the doctors you know I was trying to think the last time I went to the doctor's I genuinely think the actual fully blown sitting with the doctor's appointment I've got this wrong with this I think it was me six week check up after I had Ray wow good for you you're not straining the NHS at all well done no it's not that like I said pharmacy love the pharmacy I just don't think I've had anything wrong with this have I?

1:00:44maybe it's happened what you've got wrong when you can't be fixed at the doctor's lushness well of course

1:00:54thought you're gonna say didn't you you little fucking prick

1:01:01he's so horrible to her how are they no i'm due on i'm sorry right um i'm not one for going to doctors either but a few years ago i had a phone for an appointment and had to wait a couple of weeks to get one on the day of my appointment i was sat in the waiting room for ages as they were running behind there were several older slash elderly people who all seemed to know each other and they were chatting away and discussing their ailments and why they were waiting to see the doctor one woman piped up i can't actually remember why i made the appointment but i thought i'm not doing anything today so i'll just fucking hell wow that's annoying no wonder it takes weeks to get an appointment when uh elderly people like but actually do you know what it is if she's paid her taxes her entire life, then she's totally, well, why not?

1:01:50She's got a bit time. Yeah. Why cancel it? I'm just, I'm just, sorry, I'm not ageist here, but I'm still reeling from something that happened yesterday with members of the older generation that's really fucked me off. We were ageist yet. Yeah, they were. I wasn't ageist, right. No, they were just prince. We went to like, where did we go? Anik Castle yesterday. Anik Gardens, Anik Castle. There's a play area called Lillidory. If you're looking for something to do in the holidays for your kids, it is an amazing thing to do. um it's got a big play area and anik gardens is gorgeous and we were there and within the anik gardens it's where harry potter some harry potter's films some of the external scenes within anikon there was the different little lawn games and stuff there's a bit of croquet and then there was that corn hole where it's two bits of wood on a slight angle with a hole in you throw the bean bags in and we waited for ages while a family was playing we waited nicely away from where it was so we weren't like over them waiting for a turn with our kids and we had my nephew with her as well and we're about to have a game of it and a group of four 60 somethings older a bit older maybe 70 definitely older stood there and were like oh okay they are much older than your mom and fucking septuagenarians um they were like oh we wanted to play and the woman went oh okay so she split the game in half so we couldn't play the full game with the kids just to play the half game and then she was like, oh, you just need to make sure you've got the right coloured beanbags.

1:03:14Well, this is what pissed me off. Luckily, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. No, that's fine. I was thinking about this this morning. Luckily, Rafe is not like a properly overly possessive child of stuff. Yeah. Because I've tried to bring him up that way and he's really good at sharing his toys and stuff, bloody, bloody, bloody. But then when that bloke came over and was like, oh, we need that colour beanbag because they all wanted the same colour beanbag. Yeah, yeah. And Rafe had the odd colour. So Rafe had to swap this 75-year-old man colour beanbag. Yeah. Our five-year-old son. Yeah. He took that coloured beanbag off him and gave him his.

1:03:49And I just thought, what are you doing? He was like, yeah, we need to swap that, thanks. And the four of them in their 70s stood and played this fucking game while we sort of stood and played half of the game with the guy. And I was like, are you fucking real? But imagine, like, you know, because he's five, what if he'd have gone, that's mine? Yeah. he didn't thankfully thankfully he didn't luckily for that man because to be honest with you if he had I'd have just let him crack oh I'd have been like you're not getting it but again it smacks of when we're in Disney it's just privilege though but it's just adults adults who do kids stuff at kids things so the kids like if I was doing a thing if I'm at there playing cornhole with my mates and there's some children waiting I'm like we're gonna fucking cut this short because I'm gonna give these to these children because there's children waiting because this is a children's game in a children's fucking place where families come like it was when we're in Disney and Rafe said why is Mickey Mouse now coming for a photo with me oh because there's a table of fucking eight adults getting a photo taken with him but then you've got to be they have paid for it nah I'm not I just I find it annoying well yeah I know I totally agree with you but we've been brought up like that we've been brought up in a world where our families have always put kids first yeah that's how we live like we put our kids first it's just a nightmare before anything everyone we know has put their kids first maybe not the Disney adults maybe not the Disney maybe not the adults they paid for their holiday they paid for it they were there obviously buzz off it when they were kids Disney's been around for a fucking year it was the 70 odd year old man coming and taking a fucking bean bag off her if that I just thought and I looked at the woman I was like so we're just playing half the game she was like well it's still kind of the full game I was like well it's not could they not have just waited until the raid finished we couldn't have gone into two teams I was like oh no these guys want to do this now oh I was fucking I was fuming listen some people are just vile and when they're viles a bit much I think they're just dicks.

1:05:36They're just, it's them people. It's not elderly people because my nana would never have took a book. Oh yeah, it's their personality. My nana would never have swapped a beanbag for a different colour with a five-year-old child. Not in a million goddamn years. We're playing this now, son. Goddamn years. Would my nana have gone up to a five-year-old child and went, my beanbag doesn't match my friend's beanbags. Can I swap with you? Not a fucking chance. Should have went, well, he's five years old. I'm not asking him to swap the bloody colour beanbag. Yeah. No, he's a tosser. Yeah, he was a tosser.

1:06:02It's got nothing to do with age. You've got me riled up. I was actually not about it. Bunch of tossers. There were just a bunch of tossers. Yeah, a bunch of tossers. So at the end of the day, it's got nothing to do with them being a certain age at all. Most old people who I know are bloody glorious, including that woman at the care home. I don't have a bad word against choice. Because you were pretty and she gave you some speech. If that guy, here's a question, if that guy, while taking the beanbag off Rafe and halving the game so he could play with his friends so our children couldn't play the game properly, if while doing it, he looked over and he went, oh your wife's dead pretty would you have been okay with their actions I just looked at them off

1:06:39that was a horrible response I don't mean it I'm sorry that was that was awful no no I wouldn't have thought better of him he's here tonight

1:06:53oh you were bringing this podcast into the gutter no I'm sorry I wouldn't have sucked them off at all I won't even suck you off I'm not sucking off some old bloke it won't be disgusting thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shagmire's Enoid I am due on so that will that's my excuse for any negativity there it is good well done thank you congratulations literally tomorrow or the day after it's coming there it is put on your calendars guys as always if you'd like to get in touch it's shagmire's Enoid at gmail.com, the WhatsApp number for voice notes. I said it earlier on. Just go back.

1:07:35I've got them already for next week. And we'll be back in your ears next week. Bye!

1:07:42So, cards on the table, guys. This, what you're hearing now is a little bit of audio that I've recorded after the main podcast because we forgot to do it because it's the summer holidays and it's mental and the kids are always here. I'm doing it on my own because Rosie's with the kids because it's the summer holidays and it's mental and the kids are always here. It's just to let you know that We've done 45 episodes of Please Keep Me Anonymous since September last year, and we've had some amazing guests. We've had Greg Davies, Joanne McNally, Sam Ryder, Olly Murs, Joanna Page, Jordan and William from Help I Sexted My Boss.

1:08:10The list goes on. So from Wednesday, as a little summer treat, what we're going to do is we're going to put out some of the best bits from all of our favourite chats, like Greg Davies telling me that he auditioned for Chuckle Vision, or Sam Ryder and me doing a rap from Sum 41, which I'm sure we all can't wait to hear again. Well, anyway, you can hear all that and more. We'll be back with more Please Keep Me Anonymous and brand new guests in September. So have a lovely summer and enjoy those every single Wednesday. And don't forget to like and subscribe. And thank you so much. Bye.