The Great North Run, a Twister re-watch and a special guest at Chris's show

20:54We've got that ready to look for. Just, you know, it can't all be shiny floors and excitement and baking cakes and dancing. No. There has to be a bit gritty in there as well. We need the drama. So we've got Struti on the BBC. We've got Bake Off on Channel 4. We've got RuPaul on the BBC. We've got Cruising Paradise on E4, and we've got ITV, The Rainmaker. Ooh, bit of everything there. Absolutely sewn up your autumn there for you. Enjoy. And remember, a TV license covers you to watch over 400 TV channels and everything on BBC iPlayer. To find out more, go to tvl.co.uk forward slash pod.

21:25Rosie Ramsey:Happy watching. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. Star Wars, The Mandalorian and Grogu is now streaming on Disney+. What are you waiting for?

22:05Hop on. The must-see galactic adventure comes home on Disney+. This is the way. Our only chance is to work together. I like this kid. Always wear your seatbelt. Star Wars The Mandalorian and Grogu, now streaming on Disney+. Read PG-13. And we're back. Streaming on Peacock. May I present to you the award-winning staff of the Toledo Truth Teller. Slap me. Let's jar something loose. Ay, yes! I like that. The Certified Fresh Series returns. Your boss. You always like this? Or is this just an act? Oh no, this is mad. Oysters, everybody! There's a certain satisfaction when you work with someone. Maybe we could be a family.

22:52You sadistic pig! The Paper. New season streaming September 9th, only on Peacock. This show gives me a reason to laugh. So I've accidentally came up with a new segment that I've said a couple of times. I just did a little tiny bit of it there, but do you want another dead quick installment of Do You Want to Feel Old?

23:11Rosie Ramsey:Oh, God. Do I? I don't know if I do. I think you do. Do I? Yeah. Okay. Do you want to feel old? Yeah. So now and then, so I follow like 90s nostalgia and 80s nostalgia things and they'll show like, you know, you know a mighty max or poly pocket or yeah different toys and then because it knows the algorithm knows i like stuff like that it then shows us things like there's this theme there's this trend if it's it'll say um we grew up here and it'll be a photo of one of the maps from the early call of duty games it'll be like most of us grew up here and it's like oh it's like one of the first maps that you played online and you played on call of duty so you know the place kind of thing.

23:50I saw one this morning. We grew up here.

23:54Rosie Ramsey:Mm-hmm. It was the Paw Patrol Tower. Oh, right. No. How old is it? Oh, God. It was the Paw Patrol Tower. No, we've got that. We've still got it. Still going, by the way. By the way, listen. Listen. Have you ever changed the batteries in that? No. Neither have I. I think that, I think. Is it bugged? I think Ryder is actually living in there. The actual guy who plays Ryder, I think he's inside of it. You literally, every time I go and move it away the lift falls down and he goes to the Paw Patrol to the tower I swear to God I have never changed the batteries in that and if you haven't I doubt my mum has I'll have to ask her there's no fucking chance your mum's changed the batteries no there's no way guys if the Paw Patrol tower is still for sale it's the greatest toy in the world unreal but yeah what we grew up literally so there are people online now who are nostalgically looking back at their childhood and going oh Paw Patrol was my childhood hang on we bought that for robin and he must have been about one yeah it was like one of his first main toys ours is like nine years old that's a bit silly that's still not yeah but but if they're like 18 yeah it might have been out well before that there's people online now nostalgically looking back at paw patrol and i i looked at it so i was going through just on instagram this morning looking and i saw it and i put my phone down and i went the internet's not for me anymore yeah wave's not that bothered about paw patrol no he was never asked was he no very different kids actually.

25:15Rosie Ramsey:Robin loved all that. He loved like Paw Patrol and he loved Gorgenters. PJ Masks. All that kind of stuff. Rafe's like a Disney kid. Yeah, yeah. He loves his Muppets and all his songs. Loves the Muppets. Loves Sesame Street. Loves like loves Mickey Mouse. Like actually loves Mickey Mouse. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and all that. Ick. Well, I'm like Rafe. That's what I mean though. Well, he's like Mickey and Minnie. I'm like He's you. Robin's me and Rafe's you and specifically he's you you saw first hand the thing I mentioned the other day when I'm brushing his teeth you saw that first hand today oh yeah he's you for smells we all know your catchphrase is the bin stinks and you smell it's so upsetting brushing his teeth did you see him?

26:03Rosie Ramsey:yeah I know it's rude as hell but he's got no idea do you know he had the audacity the other day because he sits at the he has his dinner and that at the table and he's got like he's proper chair that he sits in. Nobody else can sit in it. Yeah, it's his chair. He's so spiraling. The other day, he was like, mom, this is so crummy, this chair. I was like, it's your fucking crumbs? Privileged little shit? He's literally like this, like this is, oh, so crummy. My chair has not been cleaned. Wow. The audace. Do you know what was amazing in the day though? So do you know how he, I actually fully impressed him.

26:38He was buzzing with us for about five minutes. So he watches Muppets and Muppet Babies and obviously Fuzzy, Fuzzy tells jokes and then goes, waka waka. I told him I was going on two hours, going to work and he asked us what I did for work and I said I was a comedian. And he said, what's a comedian? I said, well, I go on stage in front of people and I tell jokes. And he went, oh, like Fuzzy.

26:58Rosie Ramsey:Oh my God. I went, yes, exactly like Fuzzy. I said, I don't say waka waka at the end of each joke, but yes, like Fuzzy. And he was buzzing. Wow. Because neither of them still really understand anything that we do at all. No. Like, wow, okay. It was a lovely moment. That's cute. Like Fuzzy. Yes, like Fuzzy. But much, much, much better than fucking Fuzzy, son. Waka, waka. Phil. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. So I've got something to tell you. Oh. My friend Jimmy from Capital. Yeah. Do you know Jimmy? I think he's like the main producer on Capital Breakfast. Okey dokey. But I worked with him when I was at Capital in Northeast.

27:33Rosie Ramsey:Oh, yeah, yeah. He sent me a picture today. Yes. Do you know the leaderboard of the dad jokes? Oh, don't. The one that I won. Have I ever been knocked off? No, you're still at number one. Shut up, man. So they've made a proper leaderboard. You're at number one with 12. John Bishop's two, he's got 10. And Josh Whittacombe's 10, so they're drawn. But he said he's got Jack Whitehall coming in today or this week. So you might get knocked off. Nah, Jack's got no fucking chance. I'm not having that. Dad jokes, do you not think? Nah, Jack's got no chance. Okay. Jack, you know, I love you, but I think dad jokes are very much a working class thing.

28:08Rosie Ramsey:He went to boarding school. You never know, though. you never know but I'm fully invested so I'll keep you I'm happy with that I'll keep you updated what's it called again the punchline punchline of duty fantastic wow fantastic guys you're doing the god's work over there big up radio though like just big up every morning crack of dawn such a hard job dead positive knocking it out making people feel better yeah I don't know how they do it squeezing it in that little honestly big up radio yeah big up radio big up podcasts like do you know what I mean picking yourself up there No, I'm big enough All the other podcasts That I listen to Because I just think It's awesome I just think I love like The form of conversation Is just back in fashion I know what you mean Yeah Don't get me wrong Music's never going anywhere Yeah, no I get what you mean though Because with everyone Watching five second clips On the internet non-stop And just being like Catch their attention Or it's gone Post every day Or the algorithm will kill you The fact that people listen To like full on long form chat Is pretty cool I listened to an audio book The other day I don't listen to that shit But yeah No, I love it I mean, I'm a huge podcast audiobook fan.

29:12I'm on my third run through the Alan Partridge audiobooks. No, you're not. Oh, I am, yeah.

29:16Rosie Ramsey:Oh, my God. How do you do that? Because it's fucking amazing. You miss jokes the first time around. You miss them. And then they come back in. It's so good. Cute. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's your beef? Oh, she's shadowboxing. Well, she's doing her version of shadowboxing. Whatever that was. Okay. I haven't been here. So the fact that you would even dare to have a beef with me, This is backlogged. Oh, hang on. Okay, then. Okay, then. No, this is from yesterday as well. Oh, shit. Well, no. I came back at midday. I was back half. I was there for half the day. Oh, you're just, you're a dick when you come home.

29:52Rosie Ramsey:You're such a dick. So this is the beef. You've started the beef. Okay. Well, no, no. Actually, that was just a general passing thing. You're such a dick when you come back. You're just in a shitty, shitty little mood, and you're just eye-rolling shit, and it's just infuriating. No, do you know what? It really pisses me off. I didn't eye-roll last night. Sorry, you claimed that I eye-rolled last night. You are full of shit. You claimed that I eye-rolled last night. Okay, all right. Explain the situation. You're going to be done. I discovered yesterday that the porridge sachets were going out on a date in a couple of days.

30:22So we said, leave them on the bench. We'll see if Robin will have one tonight. Robin came in asking for his supper. And I've been through this a million times with him. You go, what do you want? And he goes, eh. No, okay. And then you went to him to want some porridge. And he went, yeah, I'll have some porridge. And you looked at me and you went, will you make the porridge? And I looked at you as if to go, Just wait one second. And then he went, actually, I don't want porridge. And I nodded. And he was like, you are eye rolling because I asked you to make the porridge. I wasn't. It's a piece of piss.

30:47I knew he was going to change his fucking mind.

30:48Rosie Ramsey:And then what did he say? He said, I don't want anything. Yeah. Because he couldn't pick a cereal. So then what did I do? Made him some cereal. I made him a bowl of cornflakes. And what did he do? Ate the cereal. He said, thank you. Yeah. And what would he have done with the porridge? What do you mean? He'd have done exactly the same thing. He'd have done porridge. Yeah. If you'd done him porridge, he would have ate the porridge. Yeah. Fair enough. So, I'm right. You're wrong. It's more effort than cereal, isn't it? I'm big. You're small. Shut the fuck up. That's not your beef. There's another...

31:17Okay, come on then.

31:18Rosie Ramsey:No, that is me beef. We'll do that one. Is it really? I'll keep the rest. Nah, keep some in the fucking barrel, are you? This is a backlog. You keep doing... Shut the utility room door. Shut the door. I dry all the clothes in the utility. All the clean clothes and all the clean sheets are in the utility room until I take them upstairs or whatever, right? When the kitchen is right next to the utility room, when you're cooking something, you just leave the door wide open and then all the clothes stink the food. Have you considered not cooking smelly stuff? Have you considered just shutting the door?

31:52Rosie Ramsey:Why can't you just shut the door? Before I cook anything, I'll make sure that door's shut. Okay. You're just frying a couple of eggs, just, oh yeah, get in, all the bins, fucking go to school, smelling like fucking eggs. Like, shut the door. I don't know. I might as well not use it. Honestly, I'll just start washing them in water. And I'll not use any fabric softener. Get them on a rinse. Save a fortune. Just hide them on and fucking rinse. Wash them in egg water. There we go. Eco-friendly. Wash them in the water that you've boiled eggs in. You're not going to be for me? Of course I fucking have.

32:27Oh, come on then. My beef with you. By the way, are we having a drink tonight? Yeah, we might as well. my beef with you is thusly so since we started working together you started basically saying every time I in any work scenario if I get like slightly perturbed slightly cross or if I have to you know I don't know you just basically say Chris you represent us both now best behaviour you represent us both now so anything I say it's like pack that in now don't be a dick because you represent both of us now Chris

33:02Rosie Ramsey:I'm more professional than you Okay. Okay. Oh, what have I done? Okay. Remember that. So last week in the podcast studio that we recalled, Please Get Me Anonymous In, a girl who does our socials, Kiara, came back in from a run to the shops and she came back in and she had some sweet treats. And you opened one of the bags of sweet treats and you took a cookie out and you bit the cookie. You obviously liked the cookie, but you showed her and everyone that you liked the cookie by holding it into her face and saying and I quote what the fuck is this? Cards on the table at first she did get a little bit of a shock.

33:46Rosie Ramsey:Okay. I meant it Oh God what the fuck is this? I meant it in a really good way because it's one of the best cookies I've ever had in my entire It's unbelievably aggressive. Like where was it from? Unbelievable Farmer J's I think. Unbelievably aggressive. Double chocolate. Well okay do you know I thought you were going to say what the other thing that I said that you couldn't believe I said what was that again well I talked about wide-ons women getting wide-on and then someone was like does your vagina actually get bigger right and Chiara's got a girlfriend so I said Chiara does does the vagina get bigger oh yeah that as well sorry that as well I thought that was the most impressionable thing that I said can I go back can I go back you asked her that you literally asked the person we work with that's a fucking HR that's an HR meeting that imagine imagine I know it probably Kiara I'm really sorry she did laugh and she I'm not telling you I mean she's heard so much of this now she fully understands the way your brain works she's seen them up close more than me okay stop stop

34:52Rosie Ramsey:big shout out Kiara and all the team because we've got we've got such a good team I love them days in London I do it's absolutely class so good so much fun and we've made, like it's took we a long time and I feel like we've actually just like, we're sorted, aren't we? And to be fair, we did an absolute hellish collection of interviews for Please Give Me None, which we did like five in two days, which are coming out in the next few weeks. You're going to love them, guys. Can we just take a minute to like, we're getting really mint, people. Crazy. Shake, handshake. Big names. Really exciting. Guys, guys.

35:25Really good. Thank you.

35:26Rosie Ramsey:And thank you for everyone for listening. Yeah. Because obviously the listens, I don't know, but our people tell their people how many people are listening for them to come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm assuming it's doing well. It must be you lot listening because otherwise they wouldn't bother. Thank you. Our people. Get your people to talk to my people. We have got people now. Yeah, but I don't let them talk to people though. I know. Talk about Y-Dons and that kind of trust them. Oh, God. Listen, we need to be more professional. I didn't... Wait! Okay. No, it's hard to be professional though when you're in like a jokey mood jokey atmosphere but then you're right I shouldn't be asking our staff about our girlfriends wide on nope definitely not definitely not repeating it now on here as well but there it is wow you live and learn I'm learning a lesson I won't again you will I know

36:18this episode is brought to you by ChatGPT hey it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast have you guys heard about ChatGPT work It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. Star Wars, The Mandalorian and Grogu is now streaming on Disney+. What are you waiting for? Hop on. The must-see galactic adventure comes home on Disney+.

37:00This is the way. Our only chance is to work together. I like this kid. Always wear your seatbelt. Star Wars The Mandalorian and Grogu. Now streaming on Disney+. Read PG-13. And we're back. Streaming on Peacock. May I present to you the award-winning staff of the Toledo Truth Teller. Slap me. Let's jar something loose. Ay, yes! I like that. The Certified Fresh Series returns. You're a boss. You always like this? Or is this just an act? Oh no, this is mad. Oysters, everybody! There is a certain satisfaction when you work with someone. Maybe we could be a family. You sadistic pig! The Paper. New season streaming September 9th, only on Peacock.

37:47Rosie Ramsey:This show gives me a reason to laugh. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Ooh. Ooh. Just had a drink of a canned water and it tastes like veg. Veg. Vegetables. Oh, that's good. Get your five a day in here. It reminds us of school, you know, when you did cooking at school. Yeah. I remember when I was at school, when they used to come around with the milk, which I don't think they do anymore. No, they do. They come around with the milk. I mean, our kids still get, like, yeah, there's still milk happens. I remember my mate. Wow, you don't do any school admin at all, do you? No. Do you get none of them emails?

38:21Do our children go to school?

38:24Rosie Ramsey:just it just wild just wild you've right rewind you live in a world where you don't even know what your kids are getting rewind this podcast you just said we've got a great groove we've got our own little jobs that's not on my it's not on my dot it's not it's not it's not my job right okay but i feel like i'd i'd do quite i do your job as well though sometimes you said we're in a good groove you can't go back because that's disingenuous you name a job that of yours that I don't do? House admin, insurance. Okay, you say this, this is bullshit because it just comes out every month in a direct debit.

39:01Rosie Ramsey:You're literally like, I pay the mortgage. Sorry, do you set up a different bank account every month to pay the mortgage? I tax the vehicles. I insure everything. There's always something needs a new fucking MOT. I got the car serviced. I do all of these things. I'm just pootling away in the background getting them all sorted out. Admin. Fair enough, But just know, if you died, I'd easily take it over. Hose was leaking the other day. I went out, I got the whole new thing, and I put the whole new hose back. You didn't even know it was dripping off the tap. It kept popping off. If I died, the place would flood.

39:34Flood.

39:37Right. Yeah. Okay. What was I saying?

39:40Rosie Ramsey:If you die, we're downsizing. Great. Well, make sure you take the hose away, because it's brand new. Good. Good. Me and the kids are just going to live in one room, because I can't be honest. I'm sick. I'm sick. Sick of tidying. I'm sick of picking up shit. You're like charging a chocolate factory. You'll all be in one bed, just eating chocolate. Keeping the wrappers. I don't mean to sound like such a privileged fucking bitch because all my life, I just wanted to live in a big house and you go, oh my God, I watch Real Housewives. Now we have a big house and it's lush and I'm so proud of her, but holy shit.

40:12Rosie Ramsey:I don't, I'm constantly picking up shit and taking it from room to room and I'm sick. All of the shit would just be in a small, it just is what it is. It is what it is. We sound like a couple of dicks, but it just is what it is. Yeah, a couple of dicks. Yeah, you're a dick. Listen, you're a dick. You're the biggest dick. You're the biggest dick, Owen. Why am I in a bad mood? I'm not even, Joanne. Is it me being bad? It's my dick. Listen, let's tell you about how good my golf was while I was away. No! I'd rather die. It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public, public, public.

40:44Rosie Ramsey:Got some good ones. Public. As always, if you want to get in touch, it's shagmarried.org.gmail.com. And the phone number, I can't be asked to reach for my phone. It's on the podcast app. Wow. Come on, man. Stick with your arse. Okay, these are... So we're sticking with the new feature. Not for everything, but I've definitely had some stuff sent in. What's the feature called again? Stuff that you say, that you heard other people say, that you still say, that they don't know what you're saying. In your relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Kat, I think we should call it something like, like catchphrases from strangers or something.

41:16Rosie Ramsey:Okay, let's brainstorm it now. No. No, just dead quickly. I'll come to the table next week. with, I'll give you ten options. You won't. How much? £100. Yeah, good. Bring your fucking cash, bitch. Yeah, I will. Maybe I'll transfer it, eh? No, no. It's got to be, I want it in fivers, so it feels like I've got loads. Right, ready? Yeah. I was just listening to this week's podcast, and you were talking about things that you repeat to each other. About 14 years ago, me and my husband took my wee girl to a cafe, and the lady came over to take her order and she said, Bolognese for the child. And we just, every time we have Bolognese, that's what we say.

42:00Obviously, I don't think it was as bad as that when she said it, but to us at just 14 years on, it sounds like someone from the witches. That's fucking fantastic. Bolognese for the child. Bolognese for the child.

42:19Rosie Ramsey:You know that she didn't even say it like that. Nah, she didn't say it like that at all. It was just bolognese for the child. Yeah, yeah. And it's gone up. Every time they've said it, it's gone more ridiculous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fantastic. I love it. This is my favorite segment that we've had for a long time. Bolognese. Bolognese for the child. Fantastic. Fucking fantastic. I love stuff like that. We used to do that as kids, you know. because on the Goonies and I only realised that was where it was from because we used to say it and I didn't know why we said it. But every time we went on holiday it would be like Adios senorita.

42:58Rosie Ramsey:Ah yeah yeah. Just all the time. And it was Mouth when we watched it recently. I was like it's off Goonies? Did you see again in the vein of 90s films we watched Goonies again. I'll talk about 90s films forever. Did you watch did you see the bit where the mam's telling Mouth who is Corey Feldman Yeah. to translate to the cleaner about what they're doing about packing up. And he's talking about like sex trafficking and drug cartels and that and she's like shitting her pants. It's insane. It never had the subtitles when we were kids. It never had the subtitles. I had no idea. And you know when you're like madness.

43:33Rosie Ramsey:Why is she freaking out? Yeah. Yeah I had no idea. Or we just didn't read them. No I don't think I honestly swear to God I don't think there was ever subtitles. Oh yeah maybe. But he's literally like this is where she keeps all her sex toys. This is where we keep all the cocaine. And she's freaking out. And she's like, what? Yeah, she's like, oh, they're crazy. Yeah. It's madness. It's absolute madness. It just goes to show, right, that literally kids, it's just so over their head. It just goes over your head, doesn't it? So over their head. That's why we should probably not worry too much about the kids watching them, because it just goes over their head.

44:01I know.

44:02Rosie Ramsey:Well, we watched Twister the other night, and because I took a stance, right, because I'm sick of watching kids' shit. Yeah, yeah. And you were out. It was Friday. No, it was Saturday night. I was like, I'm going to have a little half bottle of wine. I was with Phil. You were with your Phil? I was with Phil in store. I decided I was going to have a little half bottle of wine and I was like, you know what it is? They can stay up a bit later, but I'm watching a 90s film. I'm not watching some, I'm not watching shit, right? I think kids' films now, I think I've said this before, they're exhausting.

44:31There's something about the way they do it to keep them, to get them in with YouTube generation. There's no standard narrative structure. They just pull, the inciting incident happens, obviously bring me media head here. The inciting incident happens instantaneously. Yeah. Instantaneously. There's no, what you don't know what it's horrible it's exhausting to watch but just to let you all

44:47Rosie Ramsey:know twister isn't actually scary the reason it's just like tornadoes it wasn't scary the reason it's a 12 is because of the swearing right and i didn't realize how much swearing there was from right at the beginning and rave was watching it and i was like oh my god but then he fell asleep halfway through anyway and he actually said the next day come and watch that come and finish that film i was like come watch the fuck fuck piss film again no it wasn't fuck fuck piss it was son of a bitch right but I kept saying to Rafe I went Rafe these are really horrible words I went you don't repeat them and he's literally like what he didn't he didn't know what words were bad so if he does start saying son of a bitch at school great I am genuinely really sorry and I won't let him watch any more films like that great good stuff nice to know nice to know it turns into a lawless fucking wasteland when I'm away fantastic honestly I just wanted a glass of wine and I'll tell you what it was absolutely class I had a lush night so but look you gotta do what you gotta do when I'm away working I get it so in the vein of the new segment I've got a couple that me I just said to Carl I was like what are they we're sitting in the van obviously am I gonna get wrong for letting them watch at 12?

45:56nah you kidding us

45:58Rosie Ramsey:am I gonna get social services at me door? I mean if social services come because you've let a 5 year old watch Twister it's a quiet fucking day in social services I'll be honest with you I'm noting it for the divorce. You do not want them kids. So, I mean, this is wild. Yeah, but I'd rather see them go to home than stay with you and watch all the swearing on the telly. Some people swear on their kids. So, some people are living in a 12. I never swear in front of the kids, ever. I heard a child at the skateboard park tell his dad to piss off the other day. How old? Young. Wild. But piss off. It's crazy.

46:38Rosie Ramsey:some people some some swearing is just like yeah in houses it'll happen once robin's a bit older i'm sure it will maybe when rave's older not yet no jesus um so uh he has a couple so i said to carl i said what have we got like that we say um so are you aware of um carl once worked in a plug factory for the summer no no so first of all it's hilarious because all of carl's friends work on the production line of putting the plugs, putting all the plugs together or whatever, or packing all the plugs. Was this at, like, Simonside? Yeah, somewhere near. Oh my God, I was desperate for a job at one of them factories.

47:16Rosie Ramsey:There's a bacon factory there as well, I think. Right, so it's either Simonside or Team Valley or something like that. Yeah, so a lot of the lads got a summer job putting all the stuff together. And Carl caught on late, and he was like, oh, we've got a two-week contract, not for the full summer. And he was like, all right, no, I'll have that. It wasn't on the production line. he was covering the uh the caretaker the janitor for two weeks okay because the janitor was going to um every every summer he went to blackpool for two weeks so he went to blackpool and carl was covering him and so he was cleaning the box oh fucking party i'm in blackpool soon tickets available on my website um and he was cleaning like toilets and getting like shit splashing back in his face and stuff like that and he says uh he was in the cafe one day and they were they did like baking sandwiches, sausage sandwiches, stuff like that.

48:05And the woman at the desk, at the counter, shouted over to a bloke who was sitting reading his paper. And it's obviously worked there for so long that they're just on shorthand and they didn't realise how hilarious it was. So she was asking him on his sandwich, is he just having it plain or is he having any sauces? But what she actually said was, what's on your sausage? Just sausage. And he went, aye.

48:33so we will regularly say when ordering something when ordering something if you don't want anything else on it if you want a plate you want some new sausage just sausage aye so we say that all the time

48:43Rosie Ramsey:babadoo babadoo babadoo I've got like a public apology not public apology no I was watching The Great North Run the other day well done everyone by the way bloody fantastic yes um hot one hot one Joe McKeldry did it in under two hours oh he's a machine fucking animal he's a machine my mate's a machine like I was a Toby Carver watching my friends on the app.

49:11Rosie Ramsey:Why am I over great? Why can't I? Why can't I shift? A pound? Everyone else is doing a great offer on your own at the Toby Carvery. Watching them on your app. Fucking Yorkshire pudding. They're doing well. They're doing so well. Literally. Oh God, yeah. more gravy please so I was having me car and I thought I had ages yeah because they were like miles literally miles away and then I kept refreshing the app and I was like god whippets couple of whippets but me apology is to the lady who stopped running to come and chat to us but I was currently me friend who I'd gone to see was coming round the roundabout right and I was videoing right and she was like hi and I was like I'm sorry I'm filming my friend I'm filming for my friend so I can put it on my WhatsApp group because we're all logged, I like, all the way along.

50:06Right.

50:07Rosie Ramsey:And I just felt really rude and I didn't, and I'm really sorry that I didn't really speak to you. So she stopped at the run. She was doing the run. She stopped the run and talked to you. Yeah, for like, for about three minutes. Wow. And I felt really terrible. But when you're looking for somebody running, if you take your, like, she would have went past. A lot of people come. I get it, I get it. She would have went past. It was heaving. So I literally was like, I can't even turn around and speak to you. Yeah. I just felt dreadful. She just stood and waited and I was like, I can't talk to you. And somebody else hugged us, which was very lovely, but also fucking disgusting.

50:43Well, if I them, because you were covered in fucking gravy and meat.

50:45Rosie Ramsey:Well, no, she was listening to the podcast. She was literally listening to the podcast. No way. So she came and ran over and she was like, Rosie Ramsey. And then she went, I can do. And I was like, what? I can do. And she gives a hug. But bless her. It was absolutely lush. but I was very aware that she had ran 11 miles by this point and I had not run at all. How were you filming? How could you hold a phone when you had a Yorkshire pudding in each hand? I don't understand. I didn't even get the Yorkshire pudding. I don't even get the Yorkshire puddings when I go. I got a plate of I got pork and veg and three roasties.

51:22Rosie Ramsey:This isn't even my plate! What's that? It's Housewives reference. Oh God. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. Hey lovely Ramsey. hope you're all well. We are wonderful, thank you. Forgive me for being a bit behind on the podcast, but I was listening to episode 322. Jesus fucking hell. Holy shit. I don't know what we've done. I don't even know them anymore, so I don't know. Infinity? Trillion, billion. Infinity and one, I think. You mentioned kids who used to rock up to school with no school bag and wondered where they kept all their stuff. Yes. So I had an aim earlier. My husband was one of those kids.

51:56Cool dude, what a guy.

51:58Rosie Ramsey:Do you think? Yeah. I'm guessing big inside pocket in a puffer jacket, but carry on. Okay, listen. He said he never had a bag and carried his pen in his pocket. Ledge. Watch, you're so cool. I know. Just rocking on. Probably would have fancied him. Oh, you know. I definitely love him. I like the less put together, lads, if I'm honest with you. Bit like... Side note, Carl Hutchinson used to have two bags. What? Yeah. Yeah. No. I'm all right, thanks. Honestly. Two bags. One for his books, one for his PE kit. Oh, God. God love him. head boy in both schools he went to yeah oh my god Holly who I used to go to school with who got head girl over me her daughter is now head girl what the fuck that's incredible that's fucking nepo that's been fucking grandfathered in that congratulations wow no I'm genuinely well done that's what an achievement do you think do you think that happens often do you think if you're head boy or head girl your kids are possibly do you reckon she's actually said well you fucking make sure you aim for that head girl maybe yeah aim for it yeah yeah she's bribing someone definitely are no she was actually a mint head girl she did very well but I really wanted head girl what do you mean she was a mint head girl what did she do I actually don't know but she was dead sweet I do fuck all that bollocks I really wanted to be head girl I know we've talked about this before fucking gutted we got nothing no I was prefect I was first prefect in my family and possibly still I might still be the reigning prefects.

53:27Rosie Ramsey:I don't think there's been one since. I thought some of Nina's kids were prefects. I'll have to find out. Yeah, you won't find out, will you? You're going to stick your head in the sand and still live in a world of your creation where you're the only... Was Jacob a prefect? Probably. Maybe. I'll find out. No, I genuinely think it's me. Bullshit. Absolute bullshit. I'm bringing everyone this afternoon to find out. Find out, yeah. Okay, listen. So, he's cool as fuck. He kept his pen in his pocket. Alright Sexy When I asked him Where he kept his books He said This is awful Alright Don't tell us He stashed them somewhere Don't He stashed them Literally Under a nearby hedge What the fuck And would collect The ones he needed Each day That's Like a drug dealer Horrible isn't it What if it was raining Well I don't know don't know that's sorry just put a bag on what are you doing i've gone off him i wouldn't i would have fancied him with the pen but then i'd be like where's your books and be like i go yeah i went through a phase of not of not having a bag right why but i thought it was really cool and i'll carry a bag i loved about i was friends with the older kids and a lot of the older kids didn't have them right i remember one of them you remember fire trap yeah one of them had a big fire trap coat and his inside pocket, the bottom was gone on the inside pocket so we could just literally put it and it just went into his coat.

54:56Rosie Ramsey:Just around the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh God. So we could just put them in his coat. But I had like this Nike sort of windrunner thing but it had a toggle on the bottom so you could tighten it and then fold it under and I could put them inside my jacket and because the bottom of the coat was folded under like my homework diary and that would just sit in there. So on some days I could go in without and I'd be like just walk along I've gone about it's cool as fuck don't care so you look cool you look like you don't have your stuff but you've got your stuff and you care so much that you've actually you would never have relaxed no and I remember one time on the way home from school I was doing a history project and I got home and all of the pages of my history project that fell out of my jacket and I went back to the school and I was like panicking and I asked the teacher if I could have a textbook and she said yes but the teacher she was with the male teacher who was a dick he said no don't let him take it and she said no, then I started crying and then she let us have one anyway and then I walked back home and I retraced my steps and I found them all anyway, all the papers outside the Rosencrant pub on Prince Edward Road.

55:58Rosie Ramsey:Jesus Christ. Honest, they're going to make it into a movie I think. I'm selling the rights. Selling the rights to that. What a day. I know Steven Spielberg did the Richard Osmond books. If Spielberg's listening, if you want to direct that. What was the project about? I want to say maybe Romans or something. Oh God. Yeah. Fuck knows. Why did we go to school? What a crock of shit. Great. What an absolute crock of shit. I can't remember anything. You know what? You can't. I can't remember anything I learned in school. Yeah. Honestly, Rosie, we're in the minority here. A lot of people go to school, then go to college, and use the qualifications of knowledge in their job.

56:35Rosie Ramsey:Nah. Nah. We don't. Nah. Nah. Nah. You were fucking so undeserving of being a prefect. You made me sick. It was just because I was a gobshite. It was just because I was a gobshite that put us on the hardest days. They knew I wouldn't let anyone up. yeah there it is yeah um what else was I going to say and also all my friends were like prefects like dead clever smarty pants they knew that if they didn't give me a prefect position I'd have fucking hit the roof no they knew that if they didn't give you a prefect position you would have just fucking stood there with your mates putting them off being prefect anyway no I was such a dick at school I'd have made a badge I would have made my own badge that's the saddest thing I don't know what else that's the saddest thing I've ever heard Chris I was weird at school right me and Catherine Murphy used to do plays in assembly and when I think back to them now I'm literally like how did I not get beat up like we would do plays because you were prefect you had a prefect bar John freeze prefect I was in the I was drama I was a drama kid yeah yeah what were your plays about like sometimes God but I remember being a pregnant cleaner in one of them and singing and dancing to children of the night in the school assembly and I have no idea what it was about.

57:50Rosie Ramsey:There was probably some really like meaningful message behind it. Doubt it very much. I don't remember. Yeah. Yeah. Well there we go. I know. Wild school days eh. Right. Actually the coolest thing I ever saw in a school assembly was me mate David who now lives in New Zealand. Him and a couple of other lads I think it was I don't want to get the rest of their names wrong but I'm sure I call was on the drums. I'm sure I was like being Kyle was the other guitarist. Anyway they got up you're in a band they were I thought it was me I knew them all they did Teenage Dirtbag nice in the school assembly that's cool even the like I got two tickets too oh that's nice god it was amazing I wish I'd done something like that I was like you walking around the school for the rest of the day I was like you must be a fucking rock star I was next to him that was me mate that was me mate doing that I'm Chris Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Babadoo Dear Chris and Rosie I've just been listening to the episode about things we repeat that other people said or whatever the title was that came up with.

58:49Rosie Ramsey:Listen. Listen, whatever. It's in capital. It reminded me of a few me and my wife say. One is that a few years ago, we were in Spain with our friends, visiting her mum who had moved out there. The mum arranged for us to meet all her new friends at the restaurant at a restaurant. When we got there, everyone was sat down and someone realised that one of the men, we'll call him Bob because I can't remember his real name, wasn't there. so they asked his wife where he was she replied in a thick Brummie accent go on Rosie give it a go Brummie how am you bab alright just do your mates your mate alright he couldn't make it that day as he was bleeding from the penis

59:38oh god oh fuck me I thought it was going to be a place he's bleeding from the penis he's bleeding from the penis

59:46Rosie Ramsey:as you can imagine this gets said every time we can't slash don't want to go somewhere I'm bleeding from the penis right one is there any other information nothing mother absolutely nothing and two he bled to death what he bled to death from his penis why is she telling people that oh god before dinner I don't know but listen long live these people though I'm sorry I don't want to live in a world where people don't tell you exactly what that would have that would have made my life imagine he's bleeding from the penis I'm sorry sorry what? I'd have passed out I'd have laughed so much and I'd have been I'd have been doing that really disingenuous thing where you're laughing your head off but going sorry by the way I'm so sorry I'm not and she'd have been sitting there going well he's actually not very well he's not very well at all actually Bob Jesus Christ What is bleeding from your penis, Christopher?

1:00:46Touch wood. It's not happened to me before. No, no. I mean, I hope he went to the doctor.

1:00:51Rosie Ramsey:Yeah. Another one we heard is from shortly after my wife and I got married. Being from the Northeast, I was still adapting to the Essex accent where my wife is from. And now where I live. Trailer. I'm joking. One day we heard the tail end of a couple having an argument in a car next to us in the car park. as the lady got out the man shouted at her get out you dirty slag I feel like this has happened am I getting deja vu have I had another story similar to this something happened to me similar in the village right it was you it wasn't a story so it was real like I can't remember it was like your fanny stinks or something oh yes yeah yeah when you were at the pharmacy yeah yeah yeah well anyway they've had an argument thank you she was going to the pharmacy thank god so this person's like get out you dirty slag I ain't your you ain't my mother yes I am is that your standers yes brilliant scene this became our go to phrase for years every time one of us got out the car when the other was driving beautiful absolutely beautiful even going so far as to jokingly say to the kids when we drop them off anyway wonderful however this massively backfired on me one day when I was taking my mother-in-law home oh no with the kids in the back as we pulled up outside her house my then four year old said at the top of his voice get out you dirty slag and you're worried about and you're worried about Twister I know I know so I'm alright I'm okay alright okay social services co-sities alright cue abject horror from my mother-in-law to my shame I span round in my seat and asked where my son had heard the phrase oh you shitbag saying he shouldn't repeat it as it wasn't very nice and I assured her I'd speak to him that night oh Sorry son but there was no way I was copying the blame for that You absolute shithouse Yeah That's so bad You should have said look sorry that's just a joke we do like he's not you know honestly it's just an in joke Wow You threw him under the fucking bus I know Wow I drove off as fast as I could laughing leaving my poor son bewildered as to what on earth just happened Sitting there that normally gets a laugh That normally gets a massive laugh everyone joins in what the fuck is going on I always would just keep doing it get out you dirty slag get out you dirty slag

1:03:18Rosie Ramsey:guys thank you thank you so much for listening thank you for watching we bloody love you we really really do thank you so much I'm on tour still it's on it's happening chrisramseycomedy.com for tickets to that chris sorry not chrisramsey shagmarionoyed at gmail.com if you would like to send in an email and as I move away from the mic because I reach from your phone, I will tell you that the number if you want to send a WhatsApp is a voice note is 07874406650. We bloody love you. Thank you so much for everything you've been sending in. We'll be back in your ears next week. Bye. Have a good week.

1:03:53Bye. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. I see you. Avatar Fire and Ash is now streaming on Disney+. It's the film critics are calling the best Avatar yet. Go, go, go, go. A true epic and completely jaw-dropping.

1:04:37Rosie Ramsey:This is the only pure thing in this world. Return to Pandora on Disney+. It will be an adventure for the whole family. And watch the Oscar-winning phenomenon at home. This is sick! Avatar Fire and Ash, now streaming on Disney +, rated PG-13. And we're back. Streaming on Peacock. May I present to you the award-winning staff of the Toledo Truth Teller. Slap me. Let's jar something loose. Ay, yes! I like that. The Certified Fresh Series returns. Your boss, you always like this? Or is this just an act, oh no, this is mad. Oysters, everybody! There's a certain satisfaction when you work with someone.

1:05:17Maybe we could be a family. You sadistic pig! The Paper. New season streaming September 9th, only on Peacock. This show gives me a reason to laugh.