The Oscars, the Return of the Motorhome and an Incident in the Shower

17:50Rosie Ramsey:Oh, God, yeah. It's like anything off. Thankfully, before social media. Why do you think we don't read the emails until they've been vetted? No, but at the same time, don't shit where you eat. The performing arts, all arts. We are in the performing arts industry. You can't be slagging off everybody's shit. Yeah. Like, silly, silly sausage. I mean, we can, because no one of that level is listening and cares. But he's in his early 20s, in his shit-hot actor, and he's going out with, you know, one of the Jennas or Kardashians with, just, you can't expect him to like ballet and opera. I'm not surprised that a young lad doesn't like ballet and opera.

18:26That's all I'm saying.

18:27Rosie Ramsey:I know. Well, I think in 10 years in his future, I wouldn't have said it because actually you really start to appreciate shit when you get older. Yeah, I suppose. I can meditate now. Yeah. Fucking get me to meditate when I was 24. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's my point. Sorry, what? Yeah. Like you learn to, life slows down, you learn to appreciate things. like probably years ago I might not have enjoyed the opera but now I think I would literally sob and love it and ballets but yeah it's just a night away from the kids when he sees opera as a night away from the kids he'll be fucking out of the opera yeah I know isn't it sad though how much why can't people say that why can't people go oh he's just young and foolish I'm sure some people have but you don't well I know but I think sadly online everyone goes how dare you and I just sometimes think, oh God.

19:18Rosie Ramsey:But you know, whatever. Honestly, get better media training. That's all he needed. I think he just got carried away. I mean, he said it straight afterwards. He was like, oh, I've made that. Was it live, the thing that they were doing? I don't know. Because I'm like, could somebody not have got that snipped out? Maybe. Matthew McConaughey though. He's just, well, he knows. He's just completely stoned his face. He's like, I'm not even going to react to that. If I even laugh, I'm done. But he's 30 years senior. Yeah. He's done all that shit. it's tough man anyway I think the right person won the Oscar at the end of the day because Michael V.

19:50Rosie Ramsey:Jordan I am well we were talking about this so I just quickly by the way anyone who like I just I was going to say this last week as a joke but we talked about it this morning I want to say you don't know jokes wow I if you are listening to this now right and you ever look at Instagram and look at Facebook or look at other people's lives and you like you compare yourself and you feel bad about yourself I do it all the time yeah and it's easy to say try not do and don't right but maybe not even say that maybe say everyone does that to the point of where i told you this this morning last week when michael b and i know i'm wrong and i know i'm stupid but last week when michael b jordan won the oscar he was all over my instagram i was legit like depressed for an afternoon because i felt like a failure because i hadn't won an oscar that's not even a fucking but i was like oh you're not right okay you're not an actor but you've also actively said that you hate acting because you hate the waiting around it's the waiting around yeah it's the waiting around but it's not about that it's not that I it's not like I was it's not like I'm up against them for the Oscar all I'm saying is I get it if you watch anyone if someone's on holiday if someone's got a fucking nicer car than you if it seems like they're on a nice weekend with their kids and you're just sitting in the house with your kids playing on the switch or whatever try not to let it affect you because comparison is the thief of joy Yeah, because even like all the stuff we've achieved and done and this brilliant, you know, I've got a fucking great life.

21:15I'm on two hour comeback. I've got my kids. I've got, it's brilliant. But I'm looking at a bloke who's won an Oscar that I'm not even in the same ballpark as and literally shitting on myself for like a full day going, well, you're a fucking piece of shit.

21:25Rosie Ramsey:I watched a video this morning, literally this morning of a family who've like quit the UK and they're traveling around Thailand. Like they're in New Zealand, Australia, everything. And she's like, seeing how amazing it is. She's got three little kids. It looks incredible. and I was like, oh my God, why am I not doing that? But then I realized, I was like, I do not want to do that. And I don't think I could stand the questions and all the dangers and the elements of all that kind of shit. And I just think they are just a lot more chilled out than what we are. But yeah, but for a good 10 minutes, I was like, well, my life's shit because I haven't took my kids.

22:01Yeah, I think the point I'm trying to make is we all do it. Oh, I've got something to tell you. Oh, don't man. No. What is it? It's a bard.

22:06Rosie Ramsey:No, I've made a decision without you. that's all your decisions oh okay I'm getting a motor home again me and Robin decided I'll pay out of my money because I am an independent lady and I make my own sausage but you will need to transfer it to me from our joint bank account because I'm not allowed to have access to that but that's another story for another day no me and Robin have decided that we actually really enjoyed it you hated it we really enjoyed it and we think that Rafe would really enjoy it so we're going to go without you so just needed to let you know unreal yeah I'm fully on board with that good I'm fully on board with that because I've said a million times but can you get insured and stuff no no no no no in fact I will in fact I will I'll help you get it I'll pay for it I'll get it I'll insure it I'll do all that and I'll stand on the drive and I'll wave his away because do you know what I've realised recently if I get a day off on tour and I'm away like I was in Dublin the other week I don't know like another day somewhere.

23:09Rosie Ramsey:I know what you're going to say. I would rather be at home. I'd rather be at home. So if someone said to me what's your perfect weekend away where would you go on a weekend break? Oh I wouldn't go on a weekend break. I'd send me wife and kids on a weekend break and I'd stay in the house on my own because I really like my house and all my stuff's there. And this is going to be and all it's going to cost us is a motorhome. Fan fucking tastic. No I'll get it out of my money because when we split up it'll be my motorhome and you're not getting it. I don't want it. I hate motorhomes. Good. Good. But well done you.

23:35Rosie Ramsey:What? just yeah go for it can't wait you made us get rid of the last one it's not staying on the drive you made me get rid of the last one I'll put it in storage some way good I know a guy you made me get rid of that motorhome and I cried for weeks just didn't cry I didn't I didn't like the table in it so I was quite happy to see it gone but I'm going to get a brand new one and the kids are older now so they can get bunk beds and stuff and I'm very excited wonderful and my mom will probably come and you're saying now that you're going to be jealous I'm not I'm not I hate it every second of it no standing on a morning emptying my family's feces next to a stranger who's emptying his family's feces into a receptacle that has all of the feces of all of the families in is not something I'm ever wanting to relive again and I can't wait to no okay no shits allowed no shits allowed kids they're older now I tried to remember no shits allowed yes alright but the kids are older now the kids are older now it's going to be easier and we'll all go for shits together I actually know have you been to the public toilets on a camping site?

24:34Yeah.

24:35Rosie Ramsey:Chris, the ones that I was booking were lovely. We were part of the caravan clubs, so don't you even dare? And they only send you the good ones. Okay. Chatsworth Park. Amazing. Ruddon Park was absolutely lush. Longleat, where we went, that was gorgeous as well. Don't you dare? Enjoy. Can't wait. I'm going to look. Oh, get in. I'm going to look into it tonight. I'm going to ring the lads. Weekend in here. Got my beer pump. Got my pool table. Yeah. Woo woo. Good for you. Yes. Good for you.

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26:09Offers in March 31st, 2026. Getting hurt on the job isn't just an accident.

26:16Rosie Ramsey:It's a turning point. And what you do next matters. When you call Horowitz, Horowitz and Associates, you're not just hiring lawyers. You're building a team, a team that fights tirelessly to get you the compensation you deserve. They've secured record-breaking verdicts for hardworking people just like you. Because when you're injured, you don't just need help, you need a win. Hi, I'm Cliff Horwitz. Visit me at horwitzlaw.com. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba! Do you know, recently we've been chatting about Robin playing out next year. Yes. We are very, very, like, not strict. we strongly don't want him to have a smartphone yet.

26:55Yeah.

26:56Rosie Ramsey:Because I just don't think, I don't think children need smartphones. They don't need the internet. Not at 10 years old. In their hand. And so we're just like, no, but you know, no judgment, whatever. Do what you want to do for your kid. If your kids, whatever. Everyone's kids are different. Our kids cannot be trusted with the internet outside of our home. Rosie's being very careful to not offend anyone or get herself cancelled in the way of Timothy Chamolais. but what she's trying to say is if you give them a smartphone they will watch opera and ballet on it and fuck that shit shit that's what she's saying stop it out of context this is going to sound really bad stop if you want that Oscar fuck I want it so much I want it so much you are literally fucking this up hey you might win an Oscar you know you've got to put positive thinking that's so funny that you watched the Oscars thinking I didn't even watch it I watched it thinking I'm going to get one no isn't that funny I watched it thinking, you piece of shit, you're not as successful as these people.

27:55And then a bit of me brain went, why don't you do some auditions? And I went, I don't like acting. I don't want to act.

27:59Rosie Ramsey:No, I want to. I want to get one. Yeah. All right, then let's get you with Oscar. Robin. It's Oscar or Motorhome. You're going to have to pick. Which one do you want? Oh, Motorhome. Oh, no, don't say it, Oscar. So we've been looking. I mean, I got the biggest blowback ever when I said to Robin, you can't have a phone. I want you to play out. You can't have a phone, but we'll get you a pay-as-you-go. like you're not oh he calls it nokia which i which is disgusting by the way i was like it's not yeah shoot your face um so for the first morning i got oh my god it's so cringe why are you so embarrassing oh what what so i'm just gonna i'll be the only one with this phone i was like yeah basically i want to have my i want like a star trek flip like a well he's chose you know this is the first thing he's chose one right and this all happened what you haven't been here sorry i I've been lone raging.

28:49Rosie Ramsey:I can't speak. I've been parenting on my own, making decisions that are best for our children because I know better than you and you don't really need to be here. It's fine. But, you know, it's nice. It's nice. We'll have a nice time. You took the podcast yesterday. It's fine. You're a lovely dad. Thank you. I'm trying to say things to be funny, but I love you. You know what I'm doing? Anyway, listen. So this is the most tragic thing ever. He's decided which one he wants. And do you know how he knows? He's seen it in the flesh. Right. Do you know where he's seen it? Where? so robin's in year five and every week they go into the kindergarten the nursery to like help with the kids and like read to them and all this kind of stuff he's seen it in the play basket of the kindergarten so the kindergarten kids obviously have old phones that they play with and he literally was like i've seen this nokia no no i was like nokia he's seen this phone and he's like and then we'll google the make of it and he's and he's found it and that's the one he wants and i was like that is the saddest story i've ever heard and anyway what i'm trying to get to is i said to him i was like look i just want you to be able to ring her and text her i was like you can put in all the like aunties and uncles and you know mamas and all that wherever you are if you ever need anyone you can ring them and you know where everyone lives and stuff like that and and i was like and you can text and he was like mom how the hell am i gonna text there's no letters it's just numbers oh shit oh shit and i was like robin the forgotten art yeah what you're gonna of abc kill kibak 222 yeah i was and i said to him i said if you want to say hi to someone you're gonna have to go gh gh hi like and what number is that one two three four yeah four four four four four four like we're gonna have to teach him how to text or we could just get him a smartphone that doesn't have any access to any of their stuff and block all the stuff on it no he'd find a way around it wouldn't he just no and not just that how many he's lost two jumpers in the last week yeah he lost one he lost his coat he left his he's left his coat somewhere yeah yeah no idea where his coat is so no don't buy him expensive clothes no and i'm not buying an expensive phone for him to play out and leave at the park so and he's all right with it now yeah yeah just gonna have to deal with it so there you go I'm looking forward to playing Snake on that phone.

31:03I'm really excited about that.

31:05Rosie Ramsey:And you know what? I think it builds resilience because my mates, all my mates, got their belly buttons pierced and their ears pierced and I was not allowed. And literally, I would beg every weekend to be like, please, can I get my ears pierced? And I had to wait till I was 15. Yeah. Can I just say, as a young boy and a red-blooded male, belly button piercing, one of the most fucking revolting things in the world. Oh, really? I can't even. I remember I must have been 12, 11, 13, when all the girls started getting them done and all the lads were like, and I was like, no. No. I pretended. I was like, oh yeah, great.

31:38Like belly tops with your fucking belly button, P.S.

31:40Rosie Ramsey:This is why we're made for each other. This is why we're made for each other. Because I was naked of the navel. For years. Naked of the navel. And I haven't got one now. Horrible. Oh God, I was desperate to get my own done. Hey, you know that bit of your body that gets all that fluff and shit caught in? Do you want to put some kind of metal contraption in there to collect more shit? Oh yeah, definitely. Yeah, yeah. Can't imagine how bad that must have smelled. they did stink i think infected or not but i don't know i think back in the day sexy as out oh god i wanted it done so bad do you want to yeah i'll get a hot needle i'll do nobody is saying my belly button no no thank you not today same it's time for what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef beef beef beef beef beef um mine is on the top I'm gonna go first mine what are you doing practicing me pilates mine is on the topic of beef actually I'm gonna go first I'm gonna barrel straight in with this is this about the mint I put in the freezer no no oh you'll never know what that is listener oh god they mentioned mints in the freezer and they never addressed it again no because Oh, it was Steph.

32:51Rosie Ramsey:It was Steph who was there. And I went, oh, this mince goes out a day at the day. And we're eating something else for tea. And I went, I'll put it in the freezer. And I went, and I will never see it again. Yeah, yeah. I'll throw that out in five years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. Great. Just call it to frost meat. My beef with you is, I go to the shops. Go and do the shopping sometimes. I drop the kids off. I'll pop the supermarket on the way back. Or I'll just pop out, whatever, do the shopping. Because you're a person. Yeah. No, I'm not saying that. I don't exclusively doing it, but sometimes I do.

33:18and when I do I say to you do you need anything and your new thing now to say to us which is doing me fucking tits in so much do you know what it is you now look at me and you go can you get me some protein can you get me some protein like she doesn't mean protein powder so what was it you went on chat GPT and you asked about like you went on like you just asked about your metabolism and what as your age and everything and your weight and all that what you should be doing to eat better and it was like more protein meaning eat more protein so now i say what do you want from the shops and you go can you get us some protein it's fucking infuriating i'll tell you why because you know what i mean though no right go into your head go into your head get me some protein you

34:03Rosie Ramsey:have to answer i'm gonna shoot you what you're gonna buy us from the shop right well what you're gonna buy us from the shop i would need protein what the fuck are you gonna what you're gonna buy us what protein foods can you buy me from the shop tell me now or i'm gonna fucking shoot you you're gonna die tell us fish brilliant right come on what else listen no because you know that you're kicking off you're kicking off tell us now what are you gonna buy can I just say what are you going to buy listen to us it's so vague what are you gonna buy it's so vague it's not vague go to the shops protein chicken eggs spinach nuts eggs are in there spinach is in there fuck me I thought it only meant meat protein protein Google protein foods why am I googling stuff when you could just tell us you could just be more specific me point is because I just wanted to go around listen to this saying protein it's one below saying food just get us some food what like what is it is it meat it's clearly not meat it's going to be nuts and fucking spinach and all kinds of crap is it going to be already cooked I need me protein yeah but is it already is it going to be already cooked has it got some kind of flavour on it this is so upsetting because if you said to me oh I need more protein in me diet Do you know when you look around the shops today, could you just get us some stuff?

35:15Rosie Ramsey:And I'd go, yeah, no worries. And I would get you beef jerky. Right. I'd get you some tins of tuna. I'd probably get you some cooked chicken. It's all so different. It's protein. That's food. So you asked me this morning, you said get us some protein. What would you do if I came back in with a whole chicken? What do you mean? A full chicken. To roast? Yeah. I'd go, amazing. I'll roast that chicken. What would you do if I came in with a packet of mackerel? I'd go, thank you very much. I'll add that to me protein diet. You know what food that I like. What if I bought a pack of tofu? That's not protein.

35:49There's protein in tofu.

35:50Rosie Ramsey:Well, I'm not a vegetarian. I don't like tofu. A block of halloumi? I like halloumi. I love halloumi. I'd have it. I'd probably go, oh, amazing. I'll have that for me lunch with some sweet chili sauce. Right. So what you genuinely do just mean anything? I just mean... I'm astounded here, like... I just mean that I haven't been to the shops. Tin of sardines? I love sardines. preferably get us them with tomato saucings. Bacon, pack a bacon. Medallions. A gammon. Love gammon. A leg of beef. You know I like gammon. Beef? Thank you very much. Lamb's head. Aye, I'll suck the brains out. Protein. Do you know what it is?

36:29I stand down. Alright, it was vague, but it seems like you're alright with everything. Okay, look forward to the protein shop. Just want the protein topped up. Look forward to the protein shop. Pig's feet? Yeah. Okay. you know what i like and you know what i don't like okay honestly didn't think it was that hard i'm i'm just i'm astounded i'm astounded because i thought i'd cut you going no not that i just thought you'd be more specific with it but the fact that you're actually okay with anything with protein in i'm gonna have some fun with this okay i mean not too much no not too much

37:02Rosie Ramsey:because I don't need like forever, just for the next few days for lunches. What about protein bars? I don't like protein bars very much. They're all right, but they do the Hules now, which is a bit more protein. All right, then I'll do that. Anyway, my beef with you. Yeah. I'm addressing this, okay, because... Sounds serious. Well, it's come up many, many times, and people are going to know. I need to hydrate for this. People are going to know, all right? but you keep doing it. You're away on tour. And I actually spoke to my best friend, Steph, and her husband, who works away quite often, he does the same, and it infuriates her.

37:40Rosie Ramsey:So when you're not here, it's mad, right? It's crazy, because our life keeps, like, living. So even though you're not here for six days or whatever, we are, and it's like, stuff gets moved, and, like, we're living in the space, and, you know, like, everything, loads of stuff happens. That doesn't sound realistic. I'm under the impression that when I'm not there, people are just waiting for us to get back. We just stood still. Yeah. But well, I hate to tell you. It doesn't make any sense. I hate to tell you, Mr. Truman, but we are actually living and doing stuff, okay? Okay. So when you come home.

38:12Yeah.

38:12Rosie Ramsey:And you see stuff around the house and you go, why is this here? Yeah. Or what's this doing here?

38:22Rosie Ramsey:Just stop because it's there because I've put it there. And it's there because we carry on living in the space when you're not here. Okay. And you going around complaining about stuff not being where it should be. Asking, not complaining. Well, asking. It really pisses us off. Okay. So just understand that when you're not here, life carries on and stuff gets moved. All right? Keys in that don't just stay in the same place. Letters and stuff that gets moved around. All right? But there is a place for them. No. No. It's not even stuff. I wish I knew. I wish I'd wrote down more specific. it's not stuff that because we have got places where we put things and they always go there yeah this is just random stuff that you'll just be like why is this book here and i'm like um because i fucking put it there why why are you back actually because life carries on quite nicely without your miserable loaf not miserable stuff is in odd places and i'll just go right specifically why is this no I feel like you just do it to wind me up why is this umbrella open and on the shed roof that's oh because it just is ridiculous it's not that bad but you know what I mean I'm just picking something off the top of my head I can't think either there's a pair of socks on a shelf at one point I didn't know why they were there but what because I'm not obviously there because I put them there somebody in the house two other people live there on the way to someone's feet who knows to the clean or to the dirty who knows who knows oh well I know what kind of lawless fuck and I'm asking you I'm just asking you well don't why Because I'll get to them in my own sweet time.

39:57Rosie Ramsey:They're not in your way. They're not causing you any harm. I will get to them. They're there for a reason. They're actually in front of a wine glass that I wanted. Well, the reason they're probably there is because I have to actually see things. Because if I don't see them, I forget they exist. So that's why they'll be there. And I need to write a note. Okay. What's your note? Jet wash. Okay. Because I want to jet wash the patio. Right. Good. Yeah. I don't write it down. I'll forget. No. Chaos when I'm not there, just so you know. Did you lose your virginity on prom night? Because that's what we were talking about before we started the podcast and whether people actually do.

40:35Rosie Ramsey:I think it's a good topic. So what I did was we're putting these new headphones in and you put them in and you literally have to penetrate your ears with them. So as I was putting them in, I said prom night. Prom night's actually something I say quite a lot at Jiu-Jitsu. Why? Because sometimes if someone's doing a takedown, right, but we're obviously just drilling and we're not picking each other up and slamming each other into the floor. Sexual innuendos. No, I mean, I do. I make a lot more jokes than most people they do, obviously, because it's in the nature of me. But if you're like double-legging someone or you're picking someone up or sweeping them and slamming them in the deck, because you're all friends and you're training together, yes, you'll choke each other and do the submissions hard, but you're not just going to drop someone on the floor to be an arsehole.

41:11So sometimes someone will pick you up and they'll just slow it down and they'll put you down quite slowly. And I always go, oh, prom night.

41:20And it makes everyone genuinely uncomfortable.

41:23Rosie Ramsey:Well, good. And that's what I enjoy. I'm glad. It's time for questions from the public. Yes, from the public. Public. As always, if you want to get in touch, it's shagmarionnoyed at gmail.com. If you want to send a voice note, send it to the WhatsApp on 07874406650. Hi, Chris and Rosie. It's Beck here in Surrey. I just wanted to let you know, Rosie has actually been helping diffuse tension or arguments in our marriage for quite some time now. When my husband is just chatting shit or winding me up, I will look him dead in the eyes when I'm no longer able to deal with it and just go, eh? Eh? It's just the best expression.

42:10Yeah, rate my Rosie impression. Love you guys.

42:16Rosie Ramsey:Does she mean eh? Eh? So you, your mom, your sister, and your auntie all have exactly the same. And sometimes if I'm in a room with all of you and I can make you all do it at the same time, it's like a genuinely quite a large personal victory for me. Normally, it's obviously just you and your mom. Sometimes your auntie as well, if I can get all three. On a very rare occasion, I can get all four of you. It's like a fucking comet. It's like seeing a comet. I love that. Yeah. You see this? I got this. Yeah, this was... Sometimes I'll do it for a laugh. I'll be like, oh, this T-shirt. But yeah, it was reduced.

42:48You know, it was supposed to be like, it was supposed to be 600, but I got it for 200 pounds. Like, I'm totally full of shit. But just to hear your mom go, eh!

42:55Rosie Ramsey:Six, eh! I love it. I'm joking, it was 14 quid. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba! New Maybelline Serum Lipstick. Maybe it's not just lipstick. It's lush colour with endless possibilities. It's serum infused with a hyaluronic acid and oil blend. for eight-hour plumping moisture and tone-enhancing shades. It's more than the shade. It's who's wearing it. You. New Maybelline Serum Lipstick. Maybe it's Maybelline. Zootopia 2 has come home to Disney+. Let's go! Get ready for a new case. We're the greatest partners of all time! New friends. Gary the Snake. And your last name? The Snake. Dream Team. New habitats.

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44:32Rosie Ramsey:I would like to give you a beef that I have with Chris and Rosie Ramsey. So I've been listening to the show for many, many years. I came to see you in Glasgow the last time you were up and I cried when you walked on the stage because I was so happy I feel like it's such a community that you've got of followers here but anyway I've got beef with you guys ever since you've started The Voice Notes my 15 year old son has laughed every time he's overheard someone sending in a fart so I now receive fart voice notes from him but he always is talking through it and telling me that I'm not allowed to send it to the podcast and he will know if he's been on it so technically my beef's with you guys it's with my son and it's also with me because I let him hear that and now my inbox is filled with him sending me farts amazing do you know what it is it's a mother of sons yeah you've got you've got it you've got to do what you've got to do to keep that connection brilliant if i've got to get farted off the kids then i'll do that you know do it yeah morning i was listening to your podcast about when the nan grew the rose bushes for the guy who stole them out of the garden with the prank which one just reminded me of a story When I was at university, I was talking to this guy and he found out where I lived and he decided that he was just going to send me flowers from Moonpig.

46:15However, with Moonpig, if they don't have that product in stock, they will send you a different product. Instead of getting the flowers that he'd ordered me, I was sent to Rosebush. I lived in student accommodation with no garden. so me and my friend decided to put this plant into a chinese tupperware dish and then when we finished university we both looked at each other like what are we going to do with it so i gifted

46:43Rosie Ramsey:it to her mum and her mum currently has this bush growing in her garden that was bought for me by this guy who stopped talking to me two weeks after he'd had them delivered fuck me that's a crazy story that went everywhere that what a rollercoaster of emotions I'm glad the bush saw it through though that's nice isn't it if there's no flowers they'll send you a rose bush mad innit good grief get the card do you want to send like a bottle of beer substitution upsets me a lot substitution's in supermarkets if you're getting something delivered don't substitute just tell us you haven't got it you can say whether you do or not yeah that's why I turn it off all the time I turn off substitutions we're different we're different I'm not having that honestly if it's not if they haven't got the thing and it's a substitute I'm like what have you got what have you got as long as it's protein no it's like a lucky dip I quite like it I can't bear it like if I'm in a supermarket and I haven't got the thing I want I don't go out and buy something else instead that kind of fucking psychopath does that it's you innit no it's not I just sometimes like it when I get a delivery and it's not the thing and I go, oh, okay, yeah, that's a rogue decision but maybe that's all right.

47:55Rosie Ramsey:It's usually just with something. The quick ick is very quick. You ready? Really quick ick. I was at a northeast soft play with my son and I seen a grown man crawling on all fours. Just ick.

48:17He's fucking me. I know but it's horrible he's being a good dad he's playing

48:22Rosie Ramsey:he's playing with the kids honestly the old days have gone for us now though I'm never I am never getting in a soft play ever again I'm sitting I'm sitting on them plastic chairs so I go with my mates and their kids and their kids are all the same age as Rafe and they're all little best mates so it's perfect me and the lads just sit there I haven't had to go into a soft play physically for a while a couple of years for me no it's only been a few months for me but I yeah yeah it's just like eh no it's five though he's fine yeah but we went in one a while ago and I had to go in I can't remember why I had to go in oh I don't quote the ones I don't know the big ones in the middle no thank you I had to go in on one of them but the normal ones I haven't been in for ages yeah so I'm thinking I might never have to go in one again that'll be exciting until we have grandchildren if there's still a thing by then what grandchildren

49:12sorry

49:14Rosie Ramsey:by then you know you'll just hire your VR on them And you'll be like, yeah, the soft play. You're having fun. Oh, God, don't. We'll just hit balls off them and make it a bit more realistic. Nah, soft plays, I'll never die. Soft plays, I'll never die. Long live the soft play. Long live the soft play. Saved all many a time, hasn't it? Oh, God. And still is. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Hi, guys. Just remembered something my boyfriend's mum did. For context, she hates me in the usual, you stole my little boy, my baby boy from me kind of way. Right. Weird. Anyway, I've got a few funny stories about her.

49:48Rosie Ramsey:One being, as I used to be a smoker, I was having a smoke in her garden one time. She was supposedly fine with this, but one time she was in a strop with us because my boyfriend, who worked from home on his laptop, was working in bed rather than at his desk. So, this made me laugh. So, first of all, she's just like, she's just got to be in her body. She just sounds like a dick. You should be at a desk if you were. You should have your shoes on, your work shoes, and be at the desk. she's the same mom a couple of my mates when I was growing up their parents would be like get out of bed and I'd be like why is your mom a dick like my mom was pretty chill when we were younger we had part time jobs we made money and when we weren't working or if we weren't at college she'd be like do what you fucking want I actually think my mom was like stay in bed let me have the downstairs to myself so my mom never dragged me out of bed I can't wait to the point where we can go downstairs on a weekend the boys stay in bed and we can just sit and have a fucking coffee and have a morning.

50:46Rosie Ramsey:And I read, I saw an Instagram video recently that says that teenagers really need loads of sleep. Yeah, their body's like a nuclear reactor. The shitload's going on. Like, I also go to bed really late, but they need sleep, so just let them sleep. Yeah. It's the only time they're ever going to relax in their lives. Like, let them chill. Right, anyway, so she sounds like a dickhead, ma 'am. Yes. While you're in your bedroom working, you should be at your desk. Oh, God, I hate that. Anyway, so whilst I was smoking in the back garden, by the way, she opened the door and sprayed Febreze. Outside? Outside.

51:23Rosie Ramsey:In the open air.

51:29Rosie Ramsey:Oh, she is awful. She hates you. That might be the most passive aggressive thing in the world. Yes. Spray an air freshener outside while someone's smoking. I'm just going to freshen the outside air because you're ruining it that's amazing is it so Febreze I'm sure they've got air freshener yeah yeah yeah but my yeah but the Febreze what you get is for the fabric it'll not be the fabric one it'll be the air freshener one do you think fuck the fabric one that's even funnier I know I feel like it is the fabric one I feel like it's just a couple of water sprays in the air do a nothing do a nothing what a dick I hate that I hate that that's like blown on a bonfire brilliant hey Chris and Rosie please keep me anonymous I was just listening to this week's episode where Chris washed his face so vigorously he stabbed his brain with his little finger it's still bleeding still bleeds there's really yeah it's still not good there's still an injury there a lot of people have done the same a lot of agreeing comments yeah a lot of people you're not alone so there you go I feel guys I feel seen you You specifically said that it wasn't relatable, but loads of people have done it as well.

52:41Do you have any idea how embarrassed I was when I did it? I was in the shower on my own and I was so embarrassed.

52:46Rosie Ramsey:I was embarrassed when everybody understood. I had to go out in Dublin afterwards. I felt like everyone knew. It's fine. It's fine. Why am I crying? Are you actually crying? It's not a period. I'm actually nearly finished. You're on the dribs and drabs, aren't you? Just the dribs and drabs. I'm just ringing that last little bit. I'm on the regulars. Great. Regular Tampons. Actually, I forgot I had one in yesterday. Lovely. Great. That's how dry it is. You may think drawing... Disgusting. Just disgusting. You may think drawing blood in the shower is not relatable, but I have a shower injury story that will make your toes curl and probably make Chris throw up.

53:26Rosie Ramsey:This will be a great Rosie's Mysteries. Oh, okay. Let's do it. I miss Rosie's Mysteries. We'll have them now. We'll have them now. In uni... In uni...

53:39I'm going to Febreze you when we go outside. Right.

53:42Rosie Ramsey:In uni. Yeah.

53:47Rosie Ramsey:I lived in halls for my master's year. In brackets, awful decision. I was placed with a group of freshers and the party never stopped. Oh, for a master's. Yeah. For the master's that lived in. Oh my God. That's a bit further on, isn't it? Yeah, so you've got typical uni is three years and then your master's is the year after then your PhD's year after that. So yeah, their fourth year. I think it depends. I mean, it depends. I'm sure like, you know, medical and some engineering ones are longer. But normally the university has ended and then the master's is the add-on. So yes, they are easily four years older than these people.

54:20Rosie Ramsey:I never went to uni. Yeah. My first boyfriend. We know. Carry on. Didn't try. Nah, nah, I would never. What would I have got in? Oh, how many GCSEs you got? three. How many air levels you got? None. Just want to come out in the halls and join Virgin Active.

54:44What do you mean join Virgin Active?

54:46Rosie Ramsey:So my first boyfriend went to Leeds Uni and everyone went to Virgin. It was brand new, Virgin Active. Remember when Virgin Active opened the gym? Oh God, everyone joined. I was like, we don't have this here. It was mint. So anyway, I just lived on his experience. But if I close my eyes and I really think I can smell it and the halls oh not great not horrible not great horrible so I used to I felt like I was really missing out I felt like I was really missing out not going to halls but then now thinking back you wouldn't have survived I wouldn't have so I'm the person that gets annoyed at a thing straight away and then everyone keeps doing that thing that wind us up I would not have survived you wouldn't have survived nah it's just do you know what it's meant like 24-7 in that kitchen a bin yeah just a bin because nobody emptied the bin okay so she's in the halls doing her masters right if you know anything about halls we've just had a conversation we do you'll know the shower cubicle you get in your room is absolutely tiny i mean that's pretty shower in your room where did you go bloody the university of buckingham palace um one evening i was having an everything shower it says rosie you can educate christie but i think you know what an everything shower is crack, back, hair, all hair, inside fanny, outside fanny, a bum, a nose, softly, all of that.

56:11Rosie Ramsey:I'm nodding, yes. You shave everywhere. Oh, shaving, right. You shave everywhere, you wash everywhere, you condition, you shower. Oh, Jesus. Everything shower. I've already gone all weird. I don't like shaving in the shower. It upsets us, right? Come on then. She's already, because she said it's blood, she said there's going to be injury. She's cut something. Okay. After washing my hair and popping a hair mask on, she's really she's doing a hair mask i decided to tackle the shaving part of the shower what's a hair mask a hair mask is just it's like a really intensive conditioner a leave-in like a leave-in okay yeah but sometimes you got like just five minutes okay and just on the just on the roots okay no not roots tips the tips i was in a hurry so started to shave my armpits but during the process i lost my balance in my haste i felt the sharp pain and when i recovered from my little fall I looked down to see the shower tree absolutely covered in blood.

57:04Rosie Ramsey:It was then that I realized what I'd done. Mysteries, mysteries, mysteries. What you done? Excuse me. The first thing I popped in my head, she took her nibble off. Have I done it? You've ruined, you've ruined this podcast. Right, okay. Just to break the fourth wall, right? Just to break the fourth wall. No, can I break the fourth wall with the listeners? Can I just tell you before going further? I was really, really happy that I got it right which for a moment took me mind off what I'd actually done and now I'm sad. Keep it to break the fourth wall. We work in television. Yeah. Like, yeah. Sometimes you have to pretend you don't know what it is to keep it alive.

57:47This is like, no, no, no. Right, what you're doing now is you're doing exactly what they did to me on Catchphrase, right?

57:54Rosie Ramsey:Everyone listening, I don't know if I've even told this story but I'm going to tell it anyway. I was on Catchphrase absolutely fucking smashing it. Literally, boom, boom, boom. What's the name of M people and Kelvin Fletcher? Kelvin had wiped the floor with me on Strictly. So I'm on catchphrase. Fucking bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Everything that Mulhern can't even finish the question and I'm fucking zapping in. I'm bang, I'm bang. Me and Mr. Chips are absolute bum chums. Producer comes in. Oh, by the way, Chris, you're answering 40 many questions. Kelvin and what's that? Heather Small. Kelvin and Heather Small aren't even getting a look in here can you just give them a chance and maybe not buzz in for the next ones okay I don't buzz in Kelvin gets the next one then gets the bonus question right and he overtakes us by like 500 quid or something fucking next round absolute gloves off I don't think they spoke again so don't you ever in the words of Monica I don't understand what you just said when Chandler wants to go easy when they're playing tennis.

58:56Yes, when I hear the humidity. I got that right immediately.

58:59Rosie Ramsey:That's fine. Okay, so, right. Brilliant. Thank you. Yeah, you have. She's chopped her a little off. Unbelievable. Shall I finish the show, brother? Yeah. Shall I finish the show, brother? Shall I finish the show? Sorry, am I supposed to deliberately get the Rosie's mysteries wrong? Yes. Go fuck yourself. We're on the seventh year. Please let the listeners guess for themselves. What, can they not pause it, like? Right. Listen, when I slipped, the hand holding the razor, I need to break my fall. Do it properly, do it properly. Come on. And in a commotion, I shaved the end of my nipple off. No, everyone knows now.

59:30Rosie Ramsey:You've ruined the element of surprise. Good luck getting that job after Claudia doing traitors. You fucking tell them out. Tell them, oh, you're a traitor. You're a traitor. You're a faithful. I'm playing the game. I'm not hosting this. I'm playing the game. Play the game better and just pretend that you don't know what the answer is every time that we do it. I don't get it. I don't get them all right. I do get some of them right. No, listen. Listen. She shaved the end of her nipple off. No way.

1:00:03Rosie Ramsey:thank you so much for listening and watching this week's episode of shag my denoid i love you i love you do you love me or them love the listeners right i do love you okay good i'll happy to come second thank you so so much for listening and watching obviously if you want to get in touch, shagmildenoid at gmail.com. And if you want to send a voice note, I say I slowed that down so I could read it out and it would have been seamless, but then I told everyone. If you want to send a voice note, it is 07874 406650. And we'll be back in the ears next week. Bye. Bye.

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