The reverse ick, a lost moon cup and why Rosie's alright for a safari

4:29Chris Ramsey:It's called use it or lose it. I'm not going to have 40, man.

4:31Rosie Ramsey:Okay, but it's just too much.

4:33Chris Ramsey:I know, I know. It's too much.

4:34Rosie Ramsey:It's exhausting. Yeah. We know too much. Yeah. We know too much about the world. Right.

4:39Chris Ramsey:Not a bad thing, but okay.

4:41Rosie Ramsey:I think it is.

4:42Chris Ramsey:Do you?

4:43Rosie Ramsey:Yeah.

4:44Chris Ramsey:There's good news out there as well, you know. Do you know the hole in the ozone layer is actually healing itself? Well, I'm sorry, but my algorithm, because I'm sick,

4:49Rosie Ramsey:I will look at this stuff that's horrible for too long. Yeah. I had to, you know my TikTok? I had to change the restricted mode. I had to put restricted mode on.

4:59Chris Ramsey:Yeah.

4:59Rosie Ramsey:And I'm nearly 40 and it's for children.

5:02Chris Ramsey:Right, okay.

5:03Rosie Ramsey:Who shouldn't have TikTok by the way. I didn't know this. You had to put restricted mode on. I saw something horrendous and I couldn't unsee it and it really ruined, it probably like upset us.

5:12Chris Ramsey:What was it? Can you tell what?

5:13Rosie Ramsey:I can't tell you on here. I'll tell you. It was that bad? Oh, it was awful. It was so bad. Okay, okay. To the point where I had to put restricted mode on. Right. And honestly, if you let your kids have TikTok and they're under 16, then no, nah. It's so bad. It's like, bits of it are great and bits of it are so much fun. But honestly, it's horrible.

5:34Chris Ramsey:Right, okay. I'll tell you off camera what it was. I've never had TikTok or gone on TikTok and I take great pleasure in when someone sends me a video and I click on it and it's a TikTok link. I message back, I go, can't watch it, I haven't got TikTok. Well, I'm enjoying it now that I've got restricted mode on. I feel so important and special

5:49Rosie Ramsey:I am

5:51Chris Ramsey:Algorisms The fucking Algorisms are a fucking joke I told you man Now and then As a man Now and then Instagram will go Hey He has a big pair of bouncing tits And you go Okay I'll glance at them for a second I'm only human And then it goes Oh so you like the old titties do you And you just It's like I might as well go on fucking Pornhub I'm like what's happened To me fucking algorithm Like One You just like the titties

6:12Rosie Ramsey:Don't lie Now and then

6:14Chris Ramsey:But I know it Listen I know it I don't need to go to Instagram and look at the boobies, right? You've got to pay. I've seen you. I'll live with yours. But also, if you want, you know, we're men, we know where the things are on the internet. I don't need it on my Instagram. So I've had, so many accounts, I have to like block and report. I go block and report. Just the algorithm goes, okay, he doesn't like this then.

6:32Rosie Ramsey:We've set him in titties.

6:34Chris Ramsey:So I'm like, yeah, I don't want anyone, I don't want to open me fucking thing and go on like search, to search something for someone. One of my mates, have you seen this video? And I press search, and the whole thing of search is just, just like, no.

6:45Rosie Ramsey:Well, mine's not much better. Mine's like food.

6:47Chris Ramsey:Mine knows how flighty I am and how much I change my opinions on stuff. Because literally I can like one golf video and the next six videos I see it. It's like, hey, golf, you like golf, do you? Straight away, it knows that I just change my mind all the time. Jiu-Jitsu, depending on the day. If I've been to Jiu-Jitsu that day, loads of Jiu-Jitsu videos.

7:04Rosie Ramsey:Fucking madness. Mine just makes it sad. Like I said, I like to know about what's going on in the world. I do. I think it's important and we're living a, you know, democratic, what's it, democracy. We're living a democracy. democratic society where we're allowed opinions for now

7:19Chris Ramsey:and I just think but I just think

7:22Rosie Ramsey:we know too much

7:23Chris Ramsey:you don't need to know about all of the bad shit all over the place all of the time I understand

7:26Rosie Ramsey:I don't think we're meant to and actually ozone layer is repairing itself

7:30Chris Ramsey:just so you know

7:30Rosie Ramsey:but also can I say

7:31Chris Ramsey:she doesn't give a fuck but okay

7:33Rosie Ramsey:is it? is it actually?

7:35Chris Ramsey:is this an audition for your acting? because that is the best acting

7:38Rosie Ramsey:no it's the ozone

7:39Chris Ramsey:yeah yeah the hole that was in aerosols and that it's going to be completely closed up in a few years it's completely repaired itself Hey, we did it, guys.

7:47Rosie Ramsey:Hey, guys. Well done. So I've just, to celebrate, I've just ordered,

7:50Chris Ramsey:well, to celebrate, I've just ordered a year's supply of Lynx Africa and I'm just going to fucking, I'm just going to spray it in the sky just for lightness.

7:58Rosie Ramsey:We did it. Why are you doing this? Listen, do you know who I think the news is really affecting? Who? The boomers.

8:05Chris Ramsey:Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they're really upset. Because they're saying a lot more than they ever did. They never,

8:10Rosie Ramsey:they haven't lived with it. We've grown up with it. Well, not as much, but like we, as we're younger brains have sort of had it from a bit of an earlier age they're just getting it now and i think it's really upsetting them all yeah i know a lot of my family are constantly just like have you seen this yeah and i'm like yeah it's horrible but and it's a lot because they have just blissfully fucking do you remember the warbirdings adverts and that like just little lad on his bike around the streets and stuff like back in the day was it what was that advert i don't fucking know i know but they didn't know as much no like you know they know loads now and i think it really i think it's really affecting the boomers.

8:46Rosie Ramsey:I know what you mean. Listen, so just, let's all look out for, and I just like to slag them off, but let's look out for the boomers because it is with parents.

8:52Chris Ramsey:Yeah, but they all got houses for like three quid, so it's hard to feel sorry for them. I know, but. It's really hard to feel sorry for them. Like, I'm not having it. Fuck them. They can have some bad news.

9:05Rosie Ramsey:No, we've got to look after the boomers, right?

9:08Chris Ramsey:Listen, look after whoever you want. Look after yourselves. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for being here. It's an absolute pleasure. please subscribe and like and rate and all that shit that helps algorithms and all that bollocks but listen it is time for this week's lucrative lucrative sponsor this week's sponsor is it's a feeling this week's sponsor it's a feeling they got no no they got in touch the feelings the feeling corporation got in touch this week's sponsor is the feeling of relief apologies i've done this before the feeling of relief when you see someone in public who you kind of know but they don't see you so you don't have to have a chat with them.

9:46Rosie Ramsey:Oh, God, yeah. Oh, God, yeah. Oh, yes. Honestly. Avoidance.

9:51Chris Ramsey:Oh, I was coming out. I was coming out. The Tesco in Sunderland's got a pure gym next to it and I was walking to my car to put the shopping in the back and a guy, a lad who used to live on my estate growing up who I sort of know was walking in the gym and I saw him and I thought, oh, God, I can't be arsed. And he just looked at us, kind of past us and then turned into the gym and I'm not joking. I opened the car boot and I was putting the stuff in and I was giggling with glee

10:15Rosie Ramsey:I was like

10:17Chris Ramsey:I didn't have to fucking talk to you and he's a nice lad he is a nice lad I just couldn't have been honest hey what you doing what you do who are the gym what you oh just done me shopping you still I didn't want it so I'm putting stuff in my car and I was giggling I was lacking the head off

10:33Rosie Ramsey:that's good

10:33Chris Ramsey:but then

10:34Rosie Ramsey:maybe we are a bit different because maybe I would leave that and go oh have I upset them

10:39Chris Ramsey:no no I just well No but that's because

10:41Rosie Ramsey:we're different people

10:42Chris Ramsey:But no I couldn't have upset him He's that much of not an acquaintance I could not have upset him Unless he's heard something on the podcast I've seen something I've done online that he hasn't liked I cannot have I've had no interactions with that guy I couldn't have upset him It would have just been like talking to a stranger and I got away with it and I was buzzing fucking buzzing

11:01Rosie Ramsey:I would have liked a little hello No

11:03Chris Ramsey:Because some people No Because you go hello and they go hello and then they walk towards and you go I just wanted a hello Back I just wanted a hello. Get back across that road. Go in your fucking gym.

11:15Rosie Ramsey:That gym makes me laugh.

11:17Chris Ramsey:Right.

11:18Rosie Ramsey:It's got the big glass and you can see them all.

11:21Chris Ramsey:Yeah.

11:22Rosie Ramsey:And I don't know. It just makes us laugh. Where can you see them? Well, sometimes I go in the lift.

11:28Chris Ramsey:You go in the lift, do you? Because I'm lazy.

11:30Rosie Ramsey:You go in the lift. I've got a trolley.

11:32Chris Ramsey:Oh, that Tesco. It's fucking escalators.

11:34Rosie Ramsey:I don't want to go. You've got to walk. You've got to walk back on yourself. Where are you parking? Nah. Fuck that. I go on the lift as long as there's not anybody who's like you go on the lift and you can see the gym I didn't know this you ain't seen the gym they just look really fucking sad I tell you when I went on the 2nd of January and it was just heathen really and I was like guys

11:54Chris Ramsey:so I think okay I think I know what I'm going to do I think I know what I'm going to do from now on because I've sometimes just got some time after I've done that if I don't want to be back here to do this I might just go buy a big old bag of crisps and just stand at the glass and watch them eat me crisps

12:08Rosie Ramsey:get a chicken and rotisserie chicken.

12:09Chris Ramsey:That's a good one, isn't it? I'll eat a rotisserie chicken just with my hands. Not with protein, that's alright, they're allowed that. Right, okay. But they're not allowed. Do you know what's next door? What?

12:17Rosie Ramsey:Golden Arches of Heaven.

12:18Chris Ramsey:I'll just stand and get a Big Mac. That'll be good. Yeah, great. But they might come out and talk to us. I'm joking. Well done, Jim, guys. Well done.

12:25Rosie Ramsey:Well done. Well done, guys. We had a fight about the jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingo We hope you like the jingle Jingo Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba Jingo Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagman and Annoyed. Hello. Are you going to ask us what the adult panto is called?

12:51Chris Ramsey:Oh, what's the adult? So, to let it behind the curtain, by the way, we're recording this a week early. Yeah. So this comes out on February 13th, but we can't record it a week early because someone starts his bloody tour at the weekend and he's busy, busy, busy, busy boy. Selfish. what's the adult pantomime that you're going to see tonight at boulevards in Newcastle called

13:10Rosie Ramsey:Pinocchio

13:15Pinocchio

13:16Chris Ramsey:sorry let's stop right there I'm looking after the kids on my own tonight single parenting bath and bedtime all on my own because you're going to see something called Pinocchio

13:29Rosie Ramsey:yeah well my friend Hazel's in it I can't remember what her character's called I'm going to bring her she'll be busy um

13:36Chris Ramsey:yeah she'll be stowed under um

13:39Rosie Ramsey:no she's got a fully like fully blown serious job hazel yeah for a not very serious person she's got a very serious job

13:45Chris Ramsey:all right so this isn't a full-time job she's doing that on the night time as well yeah she's doing it

13:48Rosie Ramsey:like a side hustle

13:49Chris Ramsey:all right okay my main job is like

13:51Rosie Ramsey:she goes where all the dead people are heaven no like she's like a coroner like a criminal coroner person what the fuck like so there's a really dark side of my group chat where one of my friends works at the hospital. She's a nurse. So she sees the people die and if it's been in suspicious circumstances, she'll sometimes say, got one for you. Motherfucker! And then Hazel will go, oh yeah, I'll get that one day. How do I not know this? Yeah, and so they actually have quite a lot to do with each other because Claire will sort of see the person in a suspicious circumstance and then Hazel will deal with them.

14:30Chris Ramsey:I should listen when people talk.

14:33Rosie Ramsey:Really interesting.

14:34Chris Ramsey:That's really interesting. Really, really interesting. I live in my own little fucking world. I had no idea. But here's like so much fun. I've spoken to her so many times.

14:40Rosie Ramsey:Oh yeah, it's great. I've known her for years. It's really interesting.

14:43Chris Ramsey:What the hell's wrong with me? I had no idea.

14:45Rosie Ramsey:I know.

14:46Chris Ramsey:I've got my head up my arse most of my time.

14:48Rosie Ramsey:What about Lauren, my other friend who cuts up dead people? Just that's her life.

14:52Chris Ramsey:She does autopsies. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Okay, wow.

14:55Rosie Ramsey:Amazing.

14:56Chris Ramsey:Well, there we go. So, we have done lots of things over the history of this podcast about icks.

15:03Rosie Ramsey:Yes.

15:04Chris Ramsey:I love an ick. So do I. I find an ick very, very entertaining how quickly someone can be turned off. What I'm also fascinated about, which I thought I would ask, I've done a bit of research, I've got a few here, and I thought I would ask our beautiful, wonderful listeners as well if they could send some in.

15:17Rosie Ramsey:Right.

15:19Chris Ramsey:Random turn-ons.

15:21Rosie Ramsey:Oh.

15:22Chris Ramsey:No, no, no. That are like, you know, like my favourite one, the man trying to pick up a ping-pong ball and the woman's instantly turned off by him. The receipt in the wind was even funnier than the ping-pong ball. just random so I remember years ago I think it was forgive us if I'm wrong here if I've got this wrong but I'm sure it was Russell Kane the comedian Russell Kane did some kind of BBC3 documentary and there was weird turn-ons in it and the one that always sticks in me head was a girl said if she's in a car with a guy and he's reversing and he turns and puts his arm over the passenger seat

15:53Rosie Ramsey:look at your face so right okay so is that a thing behind the passenger seat

15:58Chris Ramsey:so you're just there you're here and he's like reversing like that and he turns his head and he puts his hand over the passenger seat he looks and he reverses it's like that yeah right so that's a little bit of a alright okay so that's a little bit of a sexy thing

16:10Rosie Ramsey:yeah okay it's like a reverse ick

16:12Chris Ramsey:it's like something someone would do that for no reason turns you onto them rather than turns you off them so an ick turns you off them this turns you onto them

16:19Rosie Ramsey:ooh okay this is interesting do you understand what I mean have you got some more

16:22Chris Ramsey:I've got five that I found on the internet

16:24Rosie Ramsey:that is a good one

16:25Chris Ramsey:yeah so that's a really weird one right so another one em throwing a tea towel over the shoulder while cooking.

16:32Rosie Ramsey:No, ick.

16:33Chris Ramsey:Really?

16:34Rosie Ramsey:That's not sexy.

16:35Chris Ramsey:Someone on the internet said that this one was sexy. Yeah, I was on BuzzFeed and loads of other different things finding some that were not just specific but more like, you know, more sort of general. Maybe it is.

16:45Rosie Ramsey:Maybe it is.

16:46Chris Ramsey:Let's get this done right. Let's get this pasta going. Okay, all right.

16:49Rosie Ramsey:Act of service. Yeah, I do find that sexy.

16:51Chris Ramsey:Right, okay. I like act of service. Okay, but you'll kick off when I put the tea towel over my shoulder.

16:56Rosie Ramsey:You've never put the tea towel over your shoulder. I always do it.

16:58Chris Ramsey:We did a HelloFresh advert and I did it in the HelloFresh advert.

17:00Rosie Ramsey:Oh, then maybe I just find that icky. I don't know.

17:03Chris Ramsey:Depends.

17:04Rosie Ramsey:Come on, I want another one.

17:05Chris Ramsey:Another cooking one. Shaking a cast iron pan about. So like, maybe stir frying, maybe giving it a bit of fucking... I think whoever wrote this just likes being fed.

17:16Rosie Ramsey:This is just early on in a relationship because if you did that, you'd get food all over and you'd never wipe the bench down. So in my head I'd go, oh yeah, fucking shake your pan, mate. But who's going to clear up that onion? Not you, me. when it gets stuck on.

17:31Chris Ramsey:Right.

17:31Rosie Ramsey:So no. No.

17:34Chris Ramsey:Sound, I don't think you'd like this at all. Right. Sound of fingernails scratching a short beard.

17:39Rosie Ramsey:Oh, God, no. No, horrible. Why? That's not...

17:43Chris Ramsey:Someone's turned on by it. Is this a turn on? Someone's turned on by it. I found it online. Someone's turned on by it. Well, I mean, we know people are turned on by all kinds. People freeze shit and stick back up their arses. Right, okay, no. The scratching of a beard. Return to sender.

17:54Rosie Ramsey:The scratching of a beard doesn't do it for me.

17:56Chris Ramsey:Okay, last one. Last one, right. a man slowly rolling up the sleeves of his shirt.

18:02Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, nice. I got you. Yeah, nice. Nice. Nice. That's nice. Okay. I can get on board with that. Okay. I can get on board with that.

18:12Chris Ramsey:Listeners, if you've got any of little random turn-ons like that, anything where you think you see your fella do it, it's better to come from women. I don't want to hear men's turn-ons because it'll just be, do tits and funnies. No, I don't know.

18:25Rosie Ramsey:There might be some nice ones that men like that women do.

18:28Chris Ramsey:Women are more conceptual and more like, you know, you're more, I don't know, you think more, your feelings are more like within, what am I trying to say?

18:39Rosie Ramsey:With a better.

18:40Chris Ramsey:Definitely not. Yeah, like your attraction's not just visual, is my point with women. It can be more like, that's why it's, it's normally not blokes giving the icks, it's women giving the icks. I agree. I'm trying to think what I find really sexy. Obviously just me, just everything I do. Yeah. Just me.

18:56Rosie Ramsey:I'm dead old school. Like, hold a door open and... I don't know, just stuff like that, like good manners.

19:02Chris Ramsey:That is where you got your nickname, wasn't it? The Corridor Hall. Look, it's the Corridor Hall. The Corridor Hall. Leave a door open and it's just... Wet floor, sir.

19:11Rosie Ramsey:I was a prefect at the bottom of the stairs. Oh, there it is. So, Mebby's. There it is. Mebby's.

19:15Chris Ramsey:Awful. Awful.

19:17Rosie Ramsey:B Block. You better watch out. Was it A? Was it A Block?

19:22Chris Ramsey:Oh, no one cares.

19:23Rosie Ramsey:Oh, great. Thank you. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba.

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20:24Chris Ramsey:Terms and conditions apply. Spring is here, and there's a whole new way to chai at Starbucks that's made perfect for you. Choose your sweetness, dial it up, or keep things light. Add a touch of pistachio, a hint of strawberry, or vanilla. Or make it a spring classic with lavender. Because this season, there's endless ways to chai at Starbucks.

20:48Rosie Ramsey:Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba.

20:49Chris Ramsey:Now, on this podcast, sometimes, obviously, a lot of the time we argue. And in life, a lot of the time we argue. You know? And we shout at each other. And we, you know, it's called shag, married, annoyed. We do get annoyed at each other. But now and then, you say something, out of nowhere, that makes me realise that I'm with the right person.

21:07Rosie Ramsey:Oh, God.

21:07Chris Ramsey:We were on the train to London the other day.

21:09Rosie Ramsey:What, is this the fucking nice podcast? Like, what's going on? Bloody, the opposite of Ix. What's happening? Why is this happening? Hey, I'm just changing it up. What have I done that tonight?

21:18Chris Ramsey:No, no, you're still moaning about something. You're just not moaning about me for a change.

21:21Rosie Ramsey:I'm having a good day, so don't you even dare. No, no.

21:24Chris Ramsey:We were sitting on the train, and I don't know what you were watching. You were watching something on your iPad, and you just paused it, and you looked at us, and you went, I wrote it down. You wrote, out of no way, you said, you know what? I'm 100 % all right for ever going on a safari, me.

21:40Rosie Ramsey:And I went, I'm exactly the fucking same. What is that all about?

21:44Chris Ramsey:Yeah.

21:45Rosie Ramsey:So what I was watching is it's like a millionaire's house swap.

21:50Chris Ramsey:Okay.

21:51Rosie Ramsey:Where people who have got holiday homes, instead of like renting places, they swap them.

21:58Chris Ramsey:Right.

21:58Rosie Ramsey:It was interesting. Okay. And one of them was this gorgeous house in Kenya. Right. And they all went on a safari. And it was just like, you might get eight alive today.

22:08Chris Ramsey:Yeah. I just wouldn't have thought you said.

22:10Rosie Ramsey:I get it alive, and honestly, there's not much that we can do about it.

22:13Chris Ramsey:Yeah.

22:14Rosie Ramsey:Do you still want to go? And we're like, just fully blown up for it. And I was like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Nope, nope. More money, more problems. Like, I just think, why do people put themselves in that situation?

22:25Chris Ramsey:I fully agree. But it falls into that category of stuff that should be amazing. Like, it almost feels like, if this was a section on a quiz show, it would be 90s game show prizes that you wouldn't actually want. So imagine Bullseye when they're giving away a speedboat. You're like, oh fucking, what am I going to do with a fucking speedboat? You're going on a safari. Fucking don't want it made. Back in the bag, pick up something different.

22:51Rosie Ramsey:I'm just really scared of wild animals.

22:52Chris Ramsey:I just feel like, I feel like boring and ungrateful for saying that I wouldn't want to go on a safari, but absolutely fucking not.

22:58Rosie Ramsey:Well, there was one point, right? This is where my brain goes to. There was one point where the woman, the house was beautiful right and she said and there was this bath and it was in front of a glass window and she was like one day i was having a bath here and then the lion walked past and she was like joking and she was like and i did this and i thought well it's not gonna know my brain went to have you left a door open yeah yeah have you left your back door open by accident that lion's gonna come in and it's gonna eat you to death because that's what death what maul you

23:30Chris Ramsey:to death what it's gonna do it's either gonna eat you or it's gonna molly to death but eat you to

23:34Rosie Ramsey:death is a sentence i've never heard to death it's gonna enjoy every second of it it's gonna eat you

23:38Chris Ramsey:to death it's gonna start at your feet and it's gonna eat all the way up from your feet and you'll

23:41Rosie Ramsey:be lovely and clean because you're just out of your bath but i just thought how do you sit there in a bath and see a line up they don't get me wrong must be like amazing but i'd be like everybody

23:50Chris Ramsey:get in here yeah our kids our kids would have absolutely left it back to all our kids would be

23:56Rosie Ramsey:dead within five minutes. No, they would. Robin would be like, oh, I'm going to go throw this dick down here and you'd just fucking get...

24:03Chris Ramsey:Can I pet that dog? Can I pet that dog?

24:07Rosie Ramsey:They would. Honestly, they'd be eight to death, all of them. And that's just not my...

24:13Chris Ramsey:But what they don't show you... Terrified? What they don't show you on whenever someone's on a safari and they show you, they just don't show you the amount of fucking flies and shit that are trying to eat you in the air that you can't even see. It's the wild. Boiling fucking hot. Forget it. Absolutely forget it. scuba diving oh sorry can I say one more thing they all had to go

24:29Rosie Ramsey:to the toilet at one point and they were like just go over there and just like be quick and it's like oh right because if you go for a piss and like if they're just around you're gonna die Jesus for a piss yeah

24:41Chris Ramsey:I'll just piss myself

24:43Rosie Ramsey:sorry safari guys no don't ever surprise me with a safari no don't wanna go

24:48Chris Ramsey:I don't wanna sleep in the house how do you feel about scuba diving

24:50Rosie Ramsey:exactly the same

24:51Chris Ramsey:yeah I'm the same

24:52Rosie Ramsey:oh do you wanna get in this shark tank oh have you fucking seen Jaws you psycho no I do not but I'm the same do you want to jump out of this plane no

25:01Chris Ramsey:I know I have done that and I did enjoy that well it's stupid I just yeah

25:06Rosie Ramsey:what's that song dumb ways to die nope no thank you I'll take me I'll fucking take me risk with getting hit by a bus that's enough for me

25:17Chris Ramsey:oh wow yeah no again anything that you think would be good that you think anything if you're listening and you think you've offered something like that and you thought You should be grateful and you didn't fancy it. Send it in. Send it in.

25:28Rosie Ramsey:We might be the minority because some people might be like, oh my God, yeah.

25:32Chris Ramsey:I'm very aware that there'll be people listening going, you boring pair of dickheads. Like, that would be amazing. You're so narrow-minded, blah, blah, blah. I'm just... I'm just scared. All right.

25:42Rosie Ramsey:Sorry, I'm scared of lions and tigers. Oh, what?

25:46Chris Ramsey:You're scared of lions?

25:47Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, no, I'm terrified. I'm terrified of them.

25:49Chris Ramsey:Yeah. All right, listen. Jurassic World, where they roll around in them big hamster balls. Okay. might be up for that. If I could roll around in a big massive hamster but then it breaks doesn't it and they can't. Or would you go to Jurassic Park if they made Jurassic Park?

26:01Rosie Ramsey:No I fucking would not. Right okay. You very nearly didn't get us to Disney. I'm not going to fucking Jurassic Park. No thank you. No I'm not. No. I hate rides. So I think in our defence sorry I'm going right. In our defence we did go on a little kind of mini safari thing at Longleat.

26:21Chris Ramsey:Right.

26:21Rosie Ramsey:Which you're in your car

26:22Chris Ramsey:and you get driven round

26:24Rosie Ramsey:and we were so lucky because you did strictly with Emma who owns Longleat and she did a VIP safari and it was amazing but we were in a closed car right

26:35Chris Ramsey:and the lions still wanted to fucking have Robin's head off

26:38Rosie Ramsey:you've got to go through the gates so the gates like lock behind you and then you're in in a section and then you've got to go once that one's shut and locked there's like a noise you go through the next one

26:48Chris Ramsey:like an airlock a bit like Jurassic Park

26:49Rosie Ramsey:like it's actually

26:50Chris Ramsey:one compound shuts which leads into a space in between to open the next compound so they can't mix.

26:55Rosie Ramsey:Very safe. Robin needed a wee. He was literally about six, five or six. They had a port-a-loo and there was a cheetah on the other side. Do you remember? I do. I swear to God, that cheetah just wanted to eat Robin. They couldn't eat it. Everything wanted to eat Robin. The lions, they went to this bit and they were like, oh, they don't normally do this. They're like, oh, yeah, because it's just a little fucking kid they want to eat. And the lions were like this up to the corner. I was like, nah.

27:20Chris Ramsey:It was really, really boring. Absolutely not. When that cheetah, we got out and going to the toilet and it was just a chain link fence and this cheetah, I don't know if I've mentioned it on here before, but this cheetah was just sprinting back and forward but not taking its eyes off him.

27:32Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, it didn't look at us.

27:33Chris Ramsey:Its head stayed perfectly still looking at him and its body and it was just sprinting back and forward. It was like...

27:38Rosie Ramsey:I'll never forget that. Lads! Lads! Yeah?

27:40Chris Ramsey:Fucking buffet is open! It was, and I just remember thinking, if that got out and went for him, there was nothing I'd be able to do.

27:46Rosie Ramsey:But why was it just Robin?

27:48Chris Ramsey:Because he was little.

27:49Rosie Ramsey:Right.

27:50Chris Ramsey:Because he was little. It sees big people all day. They keep us in the book. But when it sees this little fucking thing, it goes, oh, I've got absolutely one mouthful. A little canopy.

27:58Rosie Ramsey:Oh, Jesus Christ. It was horrible. It was terrifying. So no, I'm absolutely fine for a safari. No, thank you. Fair enough. No, thank you.

28:05Chris Ramsey:Cancel the free safari, everyone. It's time for What's Your Beef? A little, a little, a little. Beef, beef, beef, beef. Ladies first.

28:16Rosie Ramsey:My beef with you is that you will never go on a safari with me. I'm joking. No, listen, this week's beef is something that I think everybody who gets annoyed with someone who does this will relate to this. And I think I've done it a long, long time ago, but you still do it and you've got worse for doing it. I don't know whether that's because I'm nasty half a man.

28:35Chris Ramsey:It doesn't sound like me at all.

28:38Rosie Ramsey:Stop saying you choose. Make a decision.

28:42Chris Ramsey:Okay.

28:43Rosie Ramsey:I know you're trying to be nice and I know you're trying to give me the choice. but by trying to give me the choice it puts more pressure on me you just give us a decision.

28:52Chris Ramsey:What scenarios are we talking about here?

28:53Rosie Ramsey:Where do you want to eat tonight?

28:54Chris Ramsey:Right.

28:55Rosie Ramsey:We're in London. Where do you want to eat? You choose. Where do you well no but what is your input to this? I would like to go here, here, here. Where would you like to go?

29:03Chris Ramsey:Pizza. Always pizza.

29:05Rosie Ramsey:I don't like pizza. Oh!

29:07Chris Ramsey:Well you fucking choose.

29:09Rosie Ramsey:Oh see, see.

29:11Chris Ramsey:Do you understand?

29:12Rosie Ramsey:You're a moron. You wouldn't eat pizza every day. So you would have went to pizza restaurant in London.

29:17Chris Ramsey:100 % window pizza place. 100 % every single time. It's always my go-to. Pizza or curry. Always. Pizza or curry. Or Five Guys if it's about.

29:25Rosie Ramsey:What about sushi?

29:27Chris Ramsey:You choose.

29:28Rosie Ramsey:Italian.

29:29Chris Ramsey:You choose. There it is. Italian does pizza.

29:34Rosie Ramsey:Just an opinion. Well, I'll say that then. You just say nothing.

29:38Chris Ramsey:All right. Well, just assume that every time it's pizza. Right, great. So then you have to pick something else. All right.

29:41Rosie Ramsey:Fucking Donatello. All right.

29:46Chris Ramsey:I know what you mean

29:47Rosie Ramsey:it's the worst food it's the most boring fucking bread tomorrow and cheese you're having a sandwich you're just having a fucking sandwich shit sorry pizza is shit I will die on this hill

30:01Chris Ramsey:nah pizza's amazing

30:02Rosie Ramsey:I'll eat it I will eat it yeah you will

30:05Chris Ramsey:yeah you will

30:06Rosie Ramsey:but like nah nah it wouldn't be me go to oh my god pizza at night

30:10Chris Ramsey:it's the absolute best I love pizza so much did you tell the teachers

30:13Rosie Ramsey:about the Bairns Park lunches today or not nah

30:17Chris Ramsey:which brings me on to my beef my beef with you is I was woken up this morning by both of our children claiming

30:24Rosie Ramsey:people are going to think this is a fix

30:27Chris Ramsey:no no mams let us have a packed lunch now by the way mams let them have a packed lunch which will very very quickly translate to Chris I'm too busy this morning I've got to do this I've got to do that can you do the packed lunches

30:41Rosie Ramsey:I told them they could have it for one day a week

30:44Chris Ramsey:And I told you, I said to them, in fairness, I told them both straight this morning, I said, I will never make that packed lunch for you.

30:50Rosie Ramsey:Yeah, which was an awful thing to say.

30:52Chris Ramsey:Listen, you're just adding a load more shit to an already manic morning. A manic, ridiculous morning. I know, all right, okay,

30:59Rosie Ramsey:but Rafe literally eats a cheese sandwich at school every day.

31:02Chris Ramsey:Yeah.

31:03Rosie Ramsey:And I just thought, well, I could make them.

31:05Chris Ramsey:And tell everyone what you made him. Why did you take him in for his packed lunch to give him a bit of variety from them cheese sandwiches he eats at school? What was it you gave him? what was it you made tell everyone a cheese sandwich no I know

31:19Rosie Ramsey:but okay and he had raisins and an orange and a saurine and some mini cheddars right but at school I think he just gets a cheese sandwich and some crisps

31:28Chris Ramsey:so it was just to give him some fruit and stuff

31:30Rosie Ramsey:well I didn't

31:30Chris Ramsey:I will give you five English pounds I will give you five English pounds if when we open his packed lunch when he gets back if that orange is eaten I'll give you a five pound he better if he hasn't no chance he hasn't then he's getting tell no chance

31:46Rosie Ramsey:oh I just you know what it is oh no you had packed lunch as a kid so I didn't have packed lunch I wanted it but I honestly don't think my mum could afford it

31:56Chris Ramsey:right okay you were on free dinners weren't you

31:58Rosie Ramsey:I was on free dinners for a bit but not even then I just think sometimes when we were younger do you not remember I think snacks and that were a lot more expensive than they are now and not as much there wasn't as much choice

32:09Chris Ramsey:right okay

32:10Rosie Ramsey:maybe that's the thing I mean there wasn't as much choice when we were younger.

32:13Chris Ramsey:Literally, when we were kids, if you wanted...

32:16Rosie Ramsey:To be healthy, like healthy snacks.

32:17Chris Ramsey:Oh, healthy snacks were absolutely nothing. But if you wanted a biscuit, a chocolate biscuit, and it was in your packed lunch, if it wasn't a trio, a breakaway, a penguin or a Kit Kat, or maybe a blue ribband, that was it. Yeah. It's fucking millions of them. Blue ribband? Ribband? Blue ribband? Is that what they're called? A blue ribband? Blue ribband?

32:34Rosie Ramsey:What? You call it blue... A blue ribband? Blue ribband.

32:37Chris Ramsey:A blue ribband?

32:37Rosie Ramsey:Is it not ribband?

32:39Chris Ramsey:Is it not ribband? Is it blue ribband or blue ribband? I've always called them Blue Ribands I mean they're fucking minging

32:44Rosie Ramsey:Oh I love a Blue Riband Oh you're kidding us aren't you I like a Blue Riband

32:47Chris Ramsey:It's like someone Wrapped sand in some chocolate Oh no it's like a Wayfair It's the driest Fucking thing in the world Once you get through the chocolate It's like

32:55Rosie Ramsey:Oh I'll have one of them

32:56Chris Ramsey:A Blue Riband

32:57Rosie Ramsey:Or a Caramel Rocky

32:59Chris Ramsey:A Rocky A Rocky Robin

33:00Rosie Ramsey:Rocky Robin Caramel Rocky Robin You should bite all the sides Off them you know I think they're still about A Java cake for me Like every day Trios

33:06Chris Ramsey:You can't get trios anymore I know that much Trios Trios were unbelievable

33:09Rosie Ramsey:Trios Anyway

33:10Chris Ramsey:Anyway, I'll never make the pack lunch and that's it. I'm not doing it. I refuse to do it. The one day that we...

33:14Rosie Ramsey:I'm sorry, excuse me. Get out of your own fucking way. You're going to have to. No, because you've got this on. No, you can't.

33:20Chris Ramsey:Because you've gone, okay, kids, I'll do you a pack lunch one day a week, which will turn to, Chris, do them a pack lunch this day. And I go, I didn't agree to do the pack lunch. We had a system. The system was sorted. You know. Well, I've changed the system.

33:34Rosie Ramsey:All right. And you're just going to have to go along with it.

33:35Chris Ramsey:Hey, kids, I'm going to fold you every morning. I'm going to fold you a little origami crane to take to school. Oh, I can't do it this morning, Rosie. Will you quickly fold them an origami crane to take to school each?

33:48Rosie Ramsey:Right. You're fucking stupid. I'll pick something really specific. Because if they don't get the origami crane, are they going to pass out? No, if they don't eat their dinner, they might faint. You've got to take

33:59Chris Ramsey:your origami crane and it brings you fortune. It brings you good fortune.

34:03Rosie Ramsey:You can't, what a dickhead. Honestly, listen to yourself. I just, listen to yourself. I'm not going to make you any dinner

34:10Chris Ramsey:you've just added more work but they're nice kids they're alright they're good kids

34:16Rosie Ramsey:and they deserve a packed lunch one day a week and I'm telling them they can I'm telling them they can I think we're quite strict honestly we are listeners and we are quite strict parents and the kids don't get away with much and I just thought you know what it is like they're good kids Robin just wanted to have a packed lunch once a week and Rafe annoyingly Rafe eats the fish and chips on a Friday but Robin hates fish and chips so he wanted it on a Friday and I said to Rafe please have yours on Monday but he wouldn't so we'll cross that bridge when we come to it but we didn't tell the school so I don't know what the school said they've just turned up with some dinner and they're like well you have a dinner Tommy two dinners I thought you'd spoke to them again

35:00Chris Ramsey:so again do you hear what's happening everyone she decided to do it and then I'm supposed to speak to the school about it as well Did you drop them off?

35:07Rosie Ramsey:But it wasn't my fucking idea. I was pissing down my room when I dropped them off as well. Well, anyway, if they say anything, Robin did say, no, you can just turn up with a packed lunch, which you absolutely can't. It's fine. It's fine. You've done. No, I don't know. One day.

35:24Chris Ramsey:It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public. Public. As always, if you'd like to get in touch, it is shagged. Marriedannoyed at gmail.com and the phone number for the WhatsApp to send your voice notes is on your podcast app. It's on the description for this podcast.

35:42Rosie Ramsey:The lack of... Put it in your notes. Ah, fuck. Copy and paste it in your notes.

35:46Chris Ramsey:I can't copy and paste it in my brain though, can I?

35:48Rosie Ramsey:The lack of professionalism.

35:49Chris Ramsey:There's a 400 in it somewhere.

35:51Rosie Ramsey:We went to a really important thing with advertising and everything the other day. And you can't even remember the fucking number.

35:58Chris Ramsey:Right.

35:59Rosie Ramsey:This is from our lovely listeners. And before you listen to this, I don't think you would do this for me. right but I don't know maybe she would ready

36:10Chris Ramsey:just seeing on Rosie's Instagram that she's bought a moon cup thought to share this funny story that my friend shared with me she bought one on her sister's recommendation and it got stuck and her husband had to remove it while wearing a headlamp

36:29Chris Ramsey:why was it funnier that it was a Scouse accent while wearing a headlamp fucking great Thank you. Would you retrieve my moon cup? So you bought a moon cup?

36:39Rosie Ramsey:I bought a moon cup.

36:40Chris Ramsey:Why?

36:41Rosie Ramsey:For my period.

36:43Chris Ramsey:Yes, but why?

36:44Rosie Ramsey:Because I don't like tampons.

36:46Chris Ramsey:Okay.

36:46Rosie Ramsey:Sometimes if you put them in dry and you take them out dry.

36:50Chris Ramsey:Okay. So just for anyone who doesn't know, including me, a moon cup is...

36:55Rosie Ramsey:Well, I've never used it before.

36:56Chris Ramsey:Right.

36:57Rosie Ramsey:It's like a little plastic little thing like that. Like a little filter thing. It's like a spout, but then you fold it up. You put it in and it opens and it suctions and it collects the blood. So you just take it out and you pour your blood down.

37:14Chris Ramsey:That's a lot to get out.

37:16Rosie Ramsey:It's not as much as you think, you know. Peer is only three tablespoons of blood apparently. Oh. Mine's a bit more than that and a couple of clots. But no, I just thought I'd try it. Okay. Because tampons are just a bit intense. Okay. You know what I hear about tampons, right? If you put a tampon in and then you go for a wee, that tampon's not good.

37:35Chris Ramsey:Really?

37:36Rosie Ramsey:I like, I don't know whether, when I was young, before children, right? And I didn't even have children vaginally, right? They came out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could have a tampon in and my wee wouldn't affect the tampon. But now, I don't know what's happened down there. It's just, if I have a wee, that tampon's wet. And it's like, and what happens?

37:54Chris Ramsey:There's been some kind of knock through.

37:55Rosie Ramsey:There's been some, some sort of internal damage. Someone's opened up the space. Moving through.

38:00Chris Ramsey:Opened up the space. Well, yeah. George's been down there.

38:03Rosie Ramsey:and then what happens is the tampon gets urine in it and it just gets bigger and it starts like falling out but the falling out it feels like a pull and it's so uncomfortable and it's just yeah so I just thought you know what I'm going to try a moon cup

38:16Chris Ramsey:and he got it out with a headlamp what a guy

38:19Rosie Ramsey:but that's me now I'm like worried that it's going to get spatter I don't think it does get stuck up there

38:23Chris Ramsey:I just feel like I feel like if I just if yours is stuck if I just get you to sit down on something so like so your bum's covered to your bum holes covered and sit like on the edge of a chair like vagina out and then if i like shut your mouth and plug your nose and plug one ear and if i just blow in the other ear i think it'll fly out i think that's how i think that's how biology works i think if i plug all the other holes and just blow really hard in one of your ears the wound couple just pop out the bottom like that you know like when you get when a kid gets popcorn it's not how life works

38:57Rosie Ramsey:it's got no no there's like arteries in do you think just air goes down there i think it's just one big long pipe right i'm totally joking question is yeah question on everyone's lips not them lips yeah um oh by the way i made a joke about a tight vagina at that thing that day and nobody heard.

39:21Chris Ramsey:Sorry, I didn't get that. Did you? What was the joke? The guy, the

39:27Rosie Ramsey:MD of Audioboom, he said, we're a bit tight for time. No, it didn't even say for time, he just went, oh we're just a bit tight and I went so mad. Nobody heard. I was good at it. People are trying to advertise on the podcast and that. It was half nine in the morning. But yeah, tough crowd. Listen, would you retrieve You would, actually. No. Yes, you would. No, not if it's...

39:53Chris Ramsey:Is it on? Is there going to be a load of blood in there? Trapped inside. Absolutely no chance.

39:57Rosie Ramsey:Choosing what size to get was interesting.

39:59Chris Ramsey:Right, okay. Yeah, a lot of questions. Right, okay. Where did you buy them? Mooncup shop?

40:03Rosie Ramsey:Tesco.

40:05Chris Ramsey:Mooncup.com.

40:06Rosie Ramsey:Wrong company. Two companies merged together. Not the right... No, totally different. One's for cards, one's for cups. Yes. The questions were fun. Okay. It was like... There's A and B. And it's how many children you know, like how have you had your children, cesarean or vaginally? How old? How old you are? And you had to like, it's like a little survey.

40:29Chris Ramsey:Right, okay.

40:29Rosie Ramsey:So I'm B, I think. Or A, I can't remember.

40:32Chris Ramsey:Brilliant.

40:32Rosie Ramsey:What would you be? Should we do it? Are you ready? Let's see what moon cup you need. I'm 39 and I had both of my children anally. Have I given birth? No. So you haven't given birth? I haven't given birth. You haven't given birth? No. under 30, no, 30 plus years, you're an A. I'm an A. You're A size. Right. Have I given birth? Yes, by cesarean. And I'm 30 plus years, so I'm also A. We're both A's. Oh my God. Yay, congrats. It's just meant to be, isn't it?

41:02Chris Ramsey:God, we're so alike in so many ways. God. Message in if you're the same moon cup size as your wife.

41:11Chris Ramsey:This episode is brought to you by Peloton. Break through the busiest time of year with the brand new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus. Powered by Peloton IQ. With real-time guidance and endless ways to move, you can personalize your workouts and train with confidence, helping you reach your goals in less time. Let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push, and go. Explore the new Peloton Cross-Training Tread Plus at OnePeloton.com.

41:36Rosie Ramsey:We all have that dream trip we've been wishing we could go on. But too often, life, or usually price, gets in the way. That's why Priceline is here to help you turn your dream trip into reality. With up to 60 % off hotels and up to 50 % off flights, you can book everything you need for your next adventure. Don't just dream about that next trip. Book it with Priceline. Download the Priceline app or visit Priceline.com and book your next trip today.

42:03Chris Ramsey:Go to your happy price. Priceline. I'm R.J. Decker, private investigator uncovering the sunshine state's darkest secrets.

42:13Rosie Ramsey:Tuesdays, it's the premiere of ABC's hottest new crime show. R.J. freaking Decker as I live and breathe. He's a private eye. It's not a standard murder.

42:22Chris Ramsey:It's someone bigger. And a public mass.

42:24Rosie Ramsey:Trying to get sent back to prison today?

42:26Chris Ramsey:You go to prison one time and suddenly it's all the jokes. R.J. Decker, series premiere, Tuesdays on ABC and stream on Hulu.

42:36Rosie Ramsey:Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Oh, this is a bit disgusting. Great. Ready? Hi, Chris and Rosie. I just listened to the episode about the guy who liked to eat sick and it sparked a memory for me from when I used to work abroad in Ibiza. I worked in a very famous bar over there. Whenever it was one of the bar staff or the DJ's birthday, we would do a drink called a D.N.A. Now, it could be a Rosie's mystery of what you put into the D.N.A., but it's pretty self-explanatory. The pint glass was filled with a cocktail and then passed around every member of staff to put a piece of their DNA into this glass.

43:21Rosie Ramsey:And you can imagine what the guys were putting in there. Pretty much nothing was off limits. And then the lucky birthday person had to stand on the bar and down it in front of a bar full of people. Now, fortunately, my birthday is in December. so the summer season never fell in my birthday so I got away with it but the poor guys who had a birthday anything from May through to September had to drink DNA in front of a bar full of people with everybody's everything like people vomit into it spit in it pubes pubes I knew she was going to say pubes

44:02Chris Ramsey:that's the worst bit horses wow that's the worst bit so the worst bit as people putting solids in there. For me, that's the worst bit. Hairs in there. I would have genuinely told people it wasn't my birthday and fucking ate my passport if they wanted to see it. Like, literally ate it and swam home. I would rather walk home from Ibiza to Newcastle than drink a fucking pint with someone's pubes in.

44:27Rosie Ramsey:You don't have to drink it.

44:29Chris Ramsey:Rent, well, yeah, but it's like, come on, man, you fucking funny. Yeah, no, that's, that would upset me so much. I'll go home.

44:37Rosie Ramsey:Peer pressure is a sad thing, isn't it?

44:39Chris Ramsey:Right.

44:40Rosie Ramsey:I burnt my hand. I literally scarred myself for life through peer pressure.

44:45Chris Ramsey:Yeah, you've got a little lighter thing on there, you scumbag. Honestly, in the cocktail, I think I could be okay with, and I'm pissed at this point, right? Oh, my God.

44:58Rosie Ramsey:Are you going there? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

44:59Chris Ramsey:So I'm at the bar. It's my birthday. We're all best mates, right? Summer of love. I'm on the bar.

45:08Rosie Ramsey:there's no way there's nothing that you would drink of there's nothing what no what piss

45:14Chris Ramsey:nah I wouldn't be okay with piss I wouldn't be okay with sick definitely not spit sick not spunk not hair nah I wouldn't I wouldn't be able to do it no

45:23Rosie Ramsey:honestly I don't think you should tears

45:25Chris Ramsey:I'd be alright with tears tears and they'd be mine

45:30Rosie Ramsey:magical properties tears you'd be fine that's fucking that's made me so sad it's disgusting At Pontlands we used to do something like that. Yeah. But it would be, it wouldn't be anything from like people. It would be loads of different drinks. Yeah. And then some people would have like baby formula. They'd put like milk in there. And then you'd put like kids like slush in there. And then what they would have to do is they would have to drink it, put a sock over and then drink it through the sock.

45:57Chris Ramsey:Horrible.

45:57Rosie Ramsey:Awful. But that's knowing.

45:58Chris Ramsey:I had a mate who used to drink pints of piss all the time. It was like his party trick. Who? It was just, I don't want to see his name. on here, but like when we'd go out and... I don't think any of, they're not any friends now, is it? Don't know about them anymore, no. But it would like, normally it was a half, but you could take one and you could put it in the...

46:16Rosie Ramsey:Can't handle his piss.

46:17Chris Ramsey:It's a piss lightweight. You put it in the trough, in like the urinal trough in the nightclub or a bar or whatever. You just put the half, the half glass in there.

46:25Rosie Ramsey:Absolutely not. We've done a question about this?

46:27Chris Ramsey:Everyone would fill it up. Everyone would fill it up and then you'd go, here mate, you'd go, normally do it for a tenner or something and you'd go there. it's something I'd literally forgot until this and you would do it like you would get him in but thankfully this was no one had camera phones

46:39Rosie Ramsey:I'm sorry

46:40Chris Ramsey:I was 17 but people had camera phones barely you know you can't send stuff the way you can now sometimes people had camera phones horrible yeah used to do it used to do it for a tenner strange as piss as well like a mixture of just all the piss the cup was just there yeah horrible

46:58Rosie Ramsey:babadoo babadoo babadoo hello Hiya. Please keep me anonymous just cause.

47:04Chris Ramsey:Okay. Okay.

47:05Rosie Ramsey:I'm walking back from the gym listening to the podcast and the WhatsApp voice notes people have been sending in of their farts have reminded me of a bit of an unsettling memory. Oh, brilliant. A couple of years ago around Christmas time, my mum asked me to put my late granddad's keyboard on Facebook Marketplace. My grandma had tried to sell it for a while, so we said we would try. Okay. Take it off our hands. It was my granddad's pride and joy, so it holds some lovely memories from my childhood. Nice. Over the first few days, it didn't get much interest.

47:34Chris Ramsey:Sorry, it's a musical keyboard.

47:36Rosie Ramsey:It's a keyboard.

47:38Chris Ramsey:Like music, not like a computer keyboard.

47:40Rosie Ramsey:No, like a piano.

47:42Chris Ramsey:Right, because some great memories. Remember them emails you used to send? I do remember them.

47:48Rosie Ramsey:Well, touch type. No, it's like a...

47:51Chris Ramsey:Yeah, okay, I get you. I get you. A FJ and all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just the magic. You used to send all your letters on that, didn't you? I did. You used to send all me letters. Right, go on then. Are you ready? I'm finished. I'm done. Yeah, good.

48:08Rosie Ramsey:Over the first few days, it didn't get much interest until one man responded to the listing, asking questions about price and pickup, etc. I was delighted that I might have finally done this for my grandma. We went over details for a while and thought it was a done deal. Then he randomly sent a vice note.

48:26Chris Ramsey:Right? What are you loving it?

48:28Rosie Ramsey:Because I've read all these. He randomly sent a voice note and you guessed it. It was a long, loud, high-pitched voice. I didn't guess that.

48:39Chris Ramsey:I didn't guess that at all.

48:41Rosie Ramsey:Why would I guess that? Because you said... He's a menace. The man's a menace.

48:56Chris Ramsey:That's his keyboard. Oh, yeah, right, good, good. Yeah, it's got the power adapter. Yeah, it's got that function where you can put a boom, boom, boom in the background. Yeah, it's got all that good stuff. Yeah, all right, pick it up. Yeah, 100 quid. Yeah, definitely. All right, pick it up, seven. Yeah, all right, okay. Yeah, no, brother.

49:13Rosie Ramsey:So cruel.

49:17Rosie Ramsey:So we sent this for over the sale of my poor dead grandpa's keyboard.

49:23Chris Ramsey:So he had no intention of buying it. he strung them along just so he could send them apart

49:34Rosie Ramsey:why is it so funny he's horrible he's a fucking animal isn't that sick that's sick he's a murderer right so I think we've all learned the hard way don't give strangers the ability to send your voice not that's I think that's so cruel a dead granddad's keyboard oh god he's like yeah i'll come pick why not just but why is not why is the fault not just the first thing because he obviously just wanted a bit of interaction and then get the hopes up and he's like fuck you horrible i hear them

50:16I'm just a fucking menace

50:24Chris Ramsey:am I honestly am I taking up as a hobby just get me some of the burner phone

50:30Rosie Ramsey:sleep in

50:31Chris Ramsey:just send people string them right along until the morning I'll be there in half an hour what dawn is it again I'm outside

50:42Rosie Ramsey:I didn't even leave my house. Hi Rosie and Chris. I'll keep it short. I was with some of my girlfriends last night and randomly got into the conversation about what our partners call us and what we call our husbands. There was the usual babe, babes, love and obviously just shortened versions of our actual names. My name's Hannah and my husband calls me Han. My friend then explained to us that she doesn't call her husband babe hun. she doesn't even call him by his name she doesn't call him by anything yep he is mr no name if she's downstairs and he's upstairs instead of just shouting babe or his name up the stairs to get his attention she will walk up the stairs and just start talking to him to him they've been together for six years and have two kids i'm so intrigued to hear what you think about this that's that's really weird buns of steel that's what I think she's getting some leg working because I'm sorry if you think I'm going upstairs every time I need to talk to you

51:43Chris Ramsey:oh you shout me you and the kids we are a shouty family you and the kids shout at me the minute I leave the room the minute I could be in a room right okay well I'll tell you what listen Chris dad

51:54Rosie Ramsey:the next time you because you get very upset about this the next time you get upset about this shut your eyes we're all dead still upset

52:04Chris Ramsey:she's got an erection um it's sort of the worst thing I could possibly say um so she's not babe not Ian no doesn't call him anything nothing just

52:16Rosie Ramsey:she's just like I need to speak to him I'll put down everything I'm doing and I'll go and see him I can't I can't

52:22Chris Ramsey:that

52:23Rosie Ramsey:I wouldn't get on with her that to me

52:25Chris Ramsey:sounds like the most difficult thing ever I can't get my head around that

52:31Rosie Ramsey:It's probably a very peaceful house, to be honest.

52:34Chris Ramsey:Yeah. It's probably a very nice house. The kid probably does a lot of colouring. Yeah. Not toxic at all. Not a bother.

52:41Rosie Ramsey:There's not an iPad in sight.

52:42Chris Ramsey:Nah.

52:42Rosie Ramsey:No.

52:43Chris Ramsey:Nah.

52:43Rosie Ramsey:They have three hours of quiet time before bed.

52:45Chris Ramsey:Everyone's got a moon cup in.

52:47Rosie Ramsey:Oh, God, yeah.

52:48Chris Ramsey:Moon cups galore. The whole house is one big moon cup.

52:50Rosie Ramsey:This is the makers of moon cups.

52:51Chris Ramsey:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

52:52Rosie Ramsey:And also, you know, each to their own. Listen, but we're shouting people.

52:56Chris Ramsey:So if you told me, starting tomorrow, you're not allowed to shout, Rosie or Rose or Babe you've just got to walk up the way she is tap her on the shoulder and start talking.

53:07Rosie Ramsey:Yeah. Speaking of loud houses, right? I've just remembered. I recorded this this morning of the kids and I nearly sent it to you. It's not a fart.

53:19Chris Ramsey:I was upstairs getting ready. Well, I nearly sent it to you saying

53:22Rosie Ramsey:no wonder...

53:23Chris Ramsey:I could hear it through the fucking floor.

53:24Rosie Ramsey:No wonder my cortisol is through the fucking roof, right? This is how our children...

53:29Chris Ramsey:You want to make these couple of tossers a packed lunch?

53:32Rosie Ramsey:Are you mad? This is five to eight this morning.

53:39Go for it! Go for it! Go for it!

53:45Chris Ramsey:Do a flip, he's saying do a flip. I hate you.

53:48Rosie Ramsey:I hate you. Go for it! Right, well, I'm sorry, but you're the one fighting. Right. Are you OK? Bitty slip.

53:59Chris Ramsey:Tongue.

54:00Rosie Ramsey:Tongue. Bitty's tongue even.

54:01Chris Ramsey:You want to give them two tossers a packed lunch.

54:05Rosie Ramsey:I know, but they're loud because we're loud. It's fine. But it's just intense, isn't it? Anyway. It's a lot.

54:10Chris Ramsey:It is a lot.

54:11Rosie Ramsey:Do a flip!

54:11Chris Ramsey:I'd hear them through the floor. Do a flip! Do you know what? The fear I have. It's really... I don't know if everyone else gets this. If I'm... So I was taking them to school. So I went up to get ready. I knew we were doing the podcast as well. So I was like, well, I'll get me shower now so I'm ready for the day. And I'm getting ready. And I can just hear carnage and shouting and screaming. and I don't know if I'm going to come down and get bollocked. It's really weird. Sometimes, because you can be so stressed out, you're like, they're being a nightmare, and you just give them to me, and I get bollocked as well.

54:38Chris Ramsey:It's terrifying. Terrifying way to live. Very dramatic. Really scary. I don't know what I'm walking into. Honestly, this morning, I nearly consider just walking out the front door and just going and sitting in the car, waiting and texting you, going, I'm in the car, send them out when they're ready. Do it. There was so much noise.

54:54Rosie Ramsey:Well, because sometimes I just let them be loud. I just let them be allowed to get it all out the system

54:59Chris Ramsey:As long as I don't let them put music on in the car You know on the way to school I say no we're having a bit of quiet time Because he's been fucking absolutely berserk in that house Eh But they get it from us We've got no one to blame but ourselves

55:10Rosie Ramsey:Hi guys I was just listening to the latest Please keep me anonymous episode With Joel Dummy talking about placentas And it unlocked a memory I thought you'd enjoy I love placenta chat

55:22Chris Ramsey:Brilliant

55:23Rosie Ramsey:Sorry selfishly if you don't just because I quite find it interesting. That's fine. It is interesting. Please keep me anonymous. I'm a midwife, and despite how it might sound, it's actually not uncommon for people to want to see or keep their placentas. In some cultures, they're buried in the garden as a way of connecting the baby to the earth, honouring its life-giving role in marking the birth. More commonly now, placentas are kept by being collected by specialist companies who extract stem cells from the cord and membranes, which could potentially help the child in the future if they needed stem cell treatment for conditions such as leukemia, etc.

55:57Chris Ramsey:Wow, that's amazing. So that's really interesting, isn't it?

56:00Rosie Ramsey:And if somebody offered it to me and were like, take this and tell, I would have. Okay. Like, just never offered. But anyway, on to my story. Back when I was a student midwife, I was working on the birth center with my mentor. We just supported a first-time mom through a beautiful water birth. I wanted one of them. I'm jealous. Afterwards, we helped her out of the pool and onto the bed to deliver her placenta. So it comes out second. Once the placenta was delivered and baby was feeding, my mentor and I inspected it in the room, as we have to make sure it's complete. When we finished, my mentor asked me to get the clinical waste bag so it could go to the sluice, which is always a monkey word.

56:38Rosie Ramsey:At this point, the dad stopped us and asked if we could not take it away, as they wanted to keep it. No problem at all, fairly standard. We said we'd put it into a plastic tub for them to take home. However, his next request was less standard. He asked if, before we put it away, we could cut a small piece of it. My mentor replied, sorry, you'd like me to cut a piece off the placenta? Yes, he said, before walking over to his suitcase, unzipping it and pulling out a small freezer bag of frozen fruit and a blender.

57:14Chris Ramsey:Wow.

57:15Rosie Ramsey:She'd like a post-birth smoothie, he explained, while the mum nodded and said, yes, I want to replenish from it. it's like cannibalism isn't it I mean you're eating a bit here anyway it's like each to their own but listen it's the preparation that I'm you're gonna hate them even more but it's just kind of

57:33Chris Ramsey:just for a moment we've got the stock right you've got the overnight bag yeah right you've got the you know you've got the change of clothes you've got the pyjamas you've got the socks you've got the blender I do have the blender

57:41Rosie Ramsey:you've got the frozen fruit like what the f - but listen listen to this

57:46Chris Ramsey:if they water it down with piss I am going to flip this fucking table no there's no piss there's no piss sorry sorry

57:53Rosie Ramsey:my mentor and I were slightly stunned but obliged it was her placenta after all it is and she didn't need our permission that said we did promptly leave the room as neither of us could stomach watching her drink a freshly blended placenta smoothie P.S. despite remembering to pack a blender and a frozen fruit for the birth they forgot the baby's car seat

58:17Chris Ramsey:fucking cocks you fuck yeah that sums it up that fucking sums it up yeah oh I need this replenish it's good for you yeah oh just put them on your fucking knee while you drive home on the motorway because you know as long as you get goodness in you that'll stop you getting hit by a fucking lorry knobs I knew you'd hear this yeah it's something so I knew you'd hear so listen hypocritical and fucking hypocritical and short sighted

58:42Rosie Ramsey:so mum and baby had to stay in overnight until dad could go home and fetch it twat that he is but he remembered the blender Oh, yeah, he's got his blender, yeah. Represent a fucking smoothie.

58:52Chris Ramsey:You're right. You know me so well. That has made me hate him so much. Yeah. Mad, innit?

58:58Rosie Ramsey:Yeah. Mad.

58:59Chris Ramsey:Yeah, I bet he turns up on holiday with his golf clubs and all of his fucking scuba kit, but doesn't bring any kegs with him, any underpants. Probably. That's, yeah, yeah. I'm getting useless, twat.

59:10Rosie Ramsey:I bet he loves a safari.

59:13Chris Ramsey:Oh, he loves a safari. He's on to it, yeah.

59:16Rosie Ramsey:He's on to it, yeah.

59:20Chris Ramsey:he's on a safari so much when he's at home that's the holiday that's the holiday yeah

59:25Rosie Ramsey:yeah thank you so much for listening and watching this week's episode of Shagmarinoid now I really need to go and have a wash because this tan is taking over my body you're overproved

59:40Chris Ramsey:you've been in the oven far too long there's absolute hell on guys thank you so so much for watching thank you for listening please subscribe on YouTube please subscribe on all your little podcast shops and we'll be back in the ears next week and if you want to get in touch all the details is on the podcast page because I'm not even going to see the email anymore because I'm a lazy pig

59:56Rosie Ramsey:shagman.gmail.com show off bye bye love you bye do do do do do do do do do do do do Jackson Hewitt handles your taxes and your stress inhale on no surprise price of£149 or less exhale paying more for complicated taxes you won't Inhale, new tax law knowledge Exhale, missing out on your biggest refund? Certainly not Don't miss paying$149 or less Rest easy Jackson Hewitt's got your taxes Guaranteed

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