Simone Heng - How to Connect in a Lonely World

30:17It's what I normally refer to as a low stake conversation. So it's, you know, if someone gets upset because you spoke to them about coffee or tea, then probably that's enough of a warning sign for it. Yeah. Thank you. That's not going to make the connection. Fun. Fun. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. And I think low stake conversations are probably one of the interesting, you know, cures to loneliness. But we'll go to cures in a minute. Why do you think we're failing so much? Why is one in every three? people lonely yeah i think firstly the way that our cities are planned now have changed so if we look historically townships were planned around like at central piazza place of worship our cities are no longer planned that way so you're not getting that incidental connection um we're all yeah we're also completely siloed with our technology and now with all these delivery services of food coming to your house you really have no reason to be leaving the home so that That means all of your connection is done via digital means, which means they're also contrived.

31:21So, for example, Simon Sinek has spoken a lot about this, and I love this. He talks about the fact that he spoke to some Gen Zs, and they said, yeah, we have phone conversations. He said, well, what do you mean? And they meant that they send voice notes back and forth, but it's not a real-time conversation. So in that, I voice note Mo, Mo voice notes me a day later. There's a whole 24 hours in between to mediate, position, and essentially make inauthentic your response. This also then leads to a social anxiety when you have to meet people in real time and you cannot conduct a real-time conversation because you're not even picking up the phone anymore.

31:58You're using voice notes. So we think these are modalities given to us to help us connect, but for some people who've never had any experience with living in an analogue world, this can be absolutely impeding their social skills. So this is also, modernity is what the US Surgeon General. I was just at Harvard at the big symposium with all the leading researchers and modernity and in the US, particularly polarization, are what are ripping people apart. And I would say less of the polarization in our part of the world. Well, I can't speak if you're part of the world, I forget that you're in Dubai, but in my, in Southeast Asia, less of the polarization, but huge use of technology.

32:39I mean, Singapore is one of the smartest tech cities in the world. We can also see this, you know, Japan, Korea. And let's add to that the layer of culture in that we're more introverted societies. I'm a total anomaly because I've had this global life, so I'm very extroverted. But for the most part, we are more introverted than other cultures. And so you can add that as another layer. Aging societies as well. So that is also going to skew statistics. But if we look at the US and Australia, the group that comes up as the loneliest of all generations is Gen Z. Interesting. So that points to maturity.

33:19That points to the conditions of social media and not interacting face to face. Yeah. So once again, why is that? Is it because, you know, I mean, we've agreed that it's one of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, really. It's one of human needs to have love and connection and relationships. And is it because Gen Z may have never actually experienced the kind of connection that you and I have, even though, you know, we will meet, I don't know, once a year or whatever, whenever our paths cross. But at least we have that reference to have how wonderful that hug is, how wonderful that conversation. is maybe they don't have that reference is it you know is it an awareness issue why is it not complaining about it oh i love that when you've said it's have they never experienced that so what we know is they had a very pivotal point in their adolescence disrupted by the pandemic so this is that point remember when we all went to high school mo and we were learning our identity based on our interaction with other people we're asserting our identities right they were robbed of this.

34:28So a lot of them will talk about social anxiety. Imagine the rest of us had our social skills atrophy during a pandemic, but we were able to work those out just like you go to the gym. And then we were able to go back in and ask questions and be curious and know how to socialize. Imagine that you never knew those things. You were robbed of it. And then you were sent back into the wild. It's like keeping a tiger in your house and then expecting it to go out and fend for itself. When for its prime adolescent years, it's just, this is just all it is. Um, you know, two and a half, three, three years.

35:08Yeah. It's, uh, it's shocking how little we talk about those things, honestly, the pandemic's impact. I normally looked at the idea of children who are now, let's say three or four, which may have benefited massively from having their parents in their homes with them. But then you go to children who are say seven or eight, who are supposed to go to school and are supposed to connect with other children. The challenge is not only that they were robbed of two years, but that those two years really are like almost 80 % of their social life. You know what I mean? And so when we talk about conditioning, how much conditioning could that have if the first two years of your social life you were not there at all and now you're expected to jump in and do it all.

36:04And now that you bring up the idea of Gen Z and teens and so on, that's so eye-opening to me. I never thought of it this way, that these are character building, a bit destructive if you ask me teen years but destructive in a way that allows you to rebuild yourself or at least recognize which parts of you are vulnerable and but then what the way you say it makes it almost irreparable unless we have some kind of an awakening so if i i look at it like those the years also that you're finding out how your values are different from those around you So you're defining your identity based on essentially your values.

36:42And we know that when you want authentic connections, so you're taking relationship from being transactional. You know, I hate the word authentic. It gets bounced around a lot. But for the sake of this, you know, it is where you are having that deep connection where you're able to form your own group of intimates as a young adult before you get married and all that stuff, before you form your own family. A lot of the time, if you look at your closest friends, you'll normally have that similar values, including the person you marry, very similar values. And imagine that you don't even get to work out what your values are as a teen because you're just in this silo doing class via Zoom.

37:21Those are the important years. If you look at your early adolescence, that was where you worked out, oh, Simone, you prefer, you know, reading books and education is really vital to you versus kissing a bunch of boys. Like this is how you're different. And you work it out by being in school on the playground or whatever it is. And then all of a sudden you don't have that. So your knowledge of self is actually a bit diminished and that impedes your ability to judge authentic friendship too. So what would be a few signs that should alert someone that they have a loneliness problem? Yeah, so firstly, wanting to self-isolate.

38:05Wanting to. Wanting to self-isolate. That's actually part of the lonely brain's irrational spiral. So the very part of you that should be wanting to go out actually makes you self-isolate. And that's due to a second symptom, which is holding people in your life to a higher standard than is reasonable. So for example, why must I always call my cousin? He should call me first because in 1995, I bought him a birthday cake and he's not been there for me. Okay. So stuff like this. So then of course, that person is going to fail because that's a ridiculous standard that the lonely brain is telling you to set.

38:42Therefore, you self-isolate further because you're like, no one understands me. um another thing is less than good quality sleep so remember we talked about the tribe yeah and this is really fascinating if you were cast out of that tribe as an early human out of the savannah you would have to rouse many times in the night to look out for saber-toothed tigers and predators on your own but when you were in connection in the tribe other tribes people would take turns so you could sleep through the night so they still dr louise hawkley still uses micro awakenings in the sleep to gauge how lonely an individual is.

39:18So if you had less than good quality sleep during the pandemic, this is linked to the body saying you are alone, you are alone, you are alone, you are out of connection. So less than quality sleep is another one. Social anxiety, wanting desperately to be around people, but the minute you are wanting to retreat and misreading of social cues, a bit of social awkwardness is also a sign of loneliness. So you can see how people can be walking around wounded and not even know. It's quite subtle. But I think what matters even more is for every one of us to look inward and say, am I struggling with those symptoms?

40:00So eye-opening when you really think about it. So let me talk about myself on my own. This podcast is like my constant therapy sessions. So, you know, wanting to isolate more, I don't know if that holds true for me. I barely ever get time alone anyway. So it may sound reasonable that when I'm back in Dubai, for example, I would only let in very close friends and not even every day. And sometimes I would crave to have a few days of silence and so on. But sleep is very, very, very, very obvious for me. So on the days where I feel the most lonely, I find it's not that I'm not able to sleep. It's just that I'm not really interested to go to bed at all.

40:44It's like by 10 p.m. I'm starting to think, ah, you know, so this day has passed. Are we going to let it pass? Maybe I should watch a documentary or, you know, learn a little bit about how to make my fish tank better or whatever. And then I find myself at 1.30 a.m. still there, really not wanting to fall asleep. And so by the time I wake up in the morning early, because this is my, really my alert time, I haven't had enough sleep. Does that count as a sign? Yeah, I think so. I think so. If you're linking that within you, this idea of, on some level, it's disrupted sleep. So, and it's a sleep procrastination based on an emotional state.

41:25So. Yeah, absolutely. I don't know if I have any social anxiety or if I struggle when I'm around people, but I can see how, you know, a younger person, perhaps, if they're just constantly struggling with the complexity of, you know, I feel offbeat, but I don't know if it's exactly because of loneliness or because I ate something bad. shadow. And it's actually a very complex problem when you really think about it. But it seems to me that perhaps for everyone listening, it would be very valuable to take count to sort of tell yourself, am I self isolating more? Am I not sleeping? Well, am I, you know, I have social anxiety and I'm afraid to be with people and am I atrophying my social skills out there?

42:16I don't feel in flow about it anymore. These, these are very important it sounds. Yeah. And I, I think that's why self-connection is the topic of my next book, because if you don't have that strong relationship with yourself and that awareness, you could just be walking around with that stress hormones. You could be lonely and you won't even realize. And so I think taking a moment, I do, I like to do some box breathing, 448 breathing technique, slow everything right down and just do a self-check-in. And I will very clearly know what's happened my body will be an indicator and my emotional state will be an indicator and i think everyone listening should just make sure they get five minutes a day every week if you can to really just check in and say am i lonely because the lonely brain is not rational as well so it can start in a very insipid way um they just came out with a recent study that um the world health organization said that if people spend more than 75 of their time alone this is when lonely this is the precursor for loneliness as well so this whole gen z thing that i see on tiktok when i post about human connection and they'll say i don't need human connection i just need wi-fi connection they'll write this on my videos and they will just say i want to be alone i want to be alone leave me alone um this is that lonely brain self-isolation loop so you'll hear a lot of the rhetoric around i have social anxiety i i i get anxious around people but it's actually that loneliness loop because you're already isolating so then you have no social skills and you feel self-conscious then you say okay i might as well just not go out but then you're lonely so this is something that we need to look out for which is why i'm so vocal about all these things on social media and everywhere that that's a very very eye-opening cycle i think that you know everyone should really do a stock count exercise tonight basically and think about that for themselves.

44:13Do you think there is any difference between, I mean, I know there is, but what is the difference between lonely and alone? Like, you know, there is, alone is a wonderful feeling sometimes. Lonely is very painful. Why are they different? So there's a difference, and I write about this in the book, there's a difference between solitude and loneliness. So solitude is where that state is selected and it's a choice and you are conscious in choosing to be alone. And that's very healthy. Loneliness happens when, like with the pandemic, we are forced into that state of social separation and social disconnection.

44:57So it's a very, one is a choice that you're conscious in and the other one is forced upon you. And that can also mean I'm stuck in a house full of my family that I don't get along with and I have low quality relationships with and I therefore feel lonely. And on that subject of the family thing, I should have added where we were talking about how can we tell we're lonely? What we know is, and I write about this in my book, but so does Dr. Jeremy Noble, is that trauma is a pillar of loneliness. So if you've experienced some fractures at a very young time in your life, developmental stage, where you have not had your emotional needs met by your primary caregiver and therefore you become suspicious of interactions with people because, of course, that relationship with the primary caregiver is the first point of call where you learn whether you should trust other human beings or not.

45:48You don't get what you need and you develop some childhood trauma. This feeds into becoming lonely later in life because it affects how you relate to other people. So my book has a, has chapter three is my entire story of my upbringing and I've got lots of skin in the game. And I certainly am not a person who I feel I can write about this, not just because I studied communications and I was a communicator, but also because I've experienced very, very deep grief and loneliness in my life. Spilling the beans, telling me more. What does that mean? Oh, you didn't read it? It's all of my chores in here.

46:26I didn't know that's great of you, actually. Yeah, I think that's one of the blessings of writing a book is that you really get to process and tie a bow on those experiences. And interestingly, since the book came out around the world and it's very well received and I feel so seen, I have not been compelled to actually talk about this. But there was a time maybe eight years ago where all I could talk when I met with people was about my trauma. And that's how I knew that we had to do something about it. And I went to therapy and sorted out. So basically when I was 19 years old, I watched my father die in front of me.

47:06And when I was 29, and I'll go back to the childhood stuff in a minute, but I want to paint a picture of how all these things get compounded. When I was 29, my mother was a very rare degenerative disease, had a huge massive stroke. So everyone with this disease gets and ended up in a wheelchair. and I left my dream life and my dream job in Dubai to go back to Australia and care for her. And going back to care for her revealed a whole host of other traumas. You know, I essentially had run away from Australia and from dealing with all of those things. My mother had hoarding disorder. So hoarding disorder, I write about in the book, is also another extension of loneliness.

47:48It's filling space with things in place of human connection. Oh, interesting. Yeah, and I was tasked with cleaning that for about six months in Australia from the morning to the night. And I write about the things that I found, the family secrets I discovered in that process. And if we go back to my childhood, you know, there was just lack of belonging all the way through from growing up as someone who was a person of colour in a predominantly white city in Australia. So I thought I didn't belong in the community. and then I didn't feel I belonged in my own family because I'm mixed race. So I wasn't like the Chinese side of my family, nor was I like the Eurasian side of my family fully and both sides would tell me that constantly.

48:32And then most of all within my own family unit, I had a mother who is and was very, very domineering, very avoidant in her attachment style and could be cruel, could be cruel. very pressurizing and I think predominantly as we see with a lot of Asian parenting there is a lashing of criticism and very little affirmation and I think I used to think that this was pronounced for me because I lived in a western country where everyone's parents were very openly affirming but what I found when I started my community in Singapore and I started writing and speaking and having a following right to me was that regardless of country, if your parent, and this is backed up by therapists, the world of it, but if your parent is constantly displeased and criticizing you, and as a child, you're getting very little love and affirmation, that affects you, whether that is adjacent to openly loving Western parenting that you're seeing it juxtaposed with or whether it's not.

49:42So that my mother was a Singaporean woman of her generation and she has many amazing qualities that I talk about in the book. But her story, my story is really the love story of my life. Wow. I'm reminded by what my partner Hannah was, we were talking the other week about how when a child cries and doesn't get response from the parents, it stops to cry. That was shockingly eye opening for me. It's almost like saying simply that, okay, they're not coming. So I might as well just start to deal with this myself. And what you're saying here is almost what happens 15 years later or 20 years later, right?

50:27It's basically you having to either run away from it because you don't really have a chance that they'll ever show up or then facing it at a point in your life because suddenly you go like but they should have replied shouldn't have they shouldn't they have and i think that's deeply defining of who you are i mean how did you how did you find your way out i mean first of all how did you find a way to acknowledge that to yourself i think um firstly i was very very lucky that my father loved us children in a very healthy way. So I had him until I was 19. Things really started to fall apart after he passed away because, therefore, that balancing force was no longer there.

51:14And I think I talk about it in the book, but I could no longer keep the lid on my crazy. I talk about I was like the pot boiling over on the stove. So I would have, exactly as I've talked about, I would have outbursts at people. I would cry every day I just couldn't keep a lid on I couldn't even interact normally with people anymore and so I finally went for coffee with someone who's an actress here in Singapore and her best friend is my therapist and we're meant to have a normal coffee and I didn't realize that I was so unstable and that I was crying all the time but she did and she gave me the number of this therapist and the pain in me was so unbearable.

52:00Like I, every day it was painful just to be me. It was so uncomfortable just to be living and walking around, you know? And, um, and so I went to that therapy, to therapy. And so what everyone needs to realize is therapy is like going for facial and thinking that you're going to come out afterwards with perfect skin. This is not how it works. It's going to pull all the gunk out of your face and you're going to have extraction and bad skin for a while before your skin is amazing. And I went in ignorantly and I said, look, I'm here to just talk about this toxic workplace I'm working in. And then she's like, okay, but tell me about your childhood.

52:43And then this goes on. And she was really right because that toxic workplace was a repeated pattern of my childhood home growing up. So I could see why being in that toxic workplace was far more triggering for me than for anyone else. It was still toxic for everyone else, but for me, it was unbearable because it was an imprint of the childhood home. But I didn't understand any of this then. And that then became a four-year weekly therapy session that almost bankrupted me. It was so expensive. It's not covered in Singapore by any healthcare. and um but it was the most expensive best thing i've ever done and so i have this big thing now that i fly for the best courses in the world and i fly for education because i realized wow if that could transform there would be no book no flying around the world five figure speaking gigs like this none of this would happen without that work so if you want a transformation you've got to have skin in the game.

53:43There's no way that life gets better without a little bit of work. But it's almost now terrible because now I have like a self-development addiction because I think that has transformed my life. And what else do I not know? So it made me very thirsty for education. But the awakening, the part where I thought, wow, at least 90 % of this healing is done and there's still obviously that 10 % is going to go on for the rest of my life. But the 90 % where I became able to function in the world for me was the moment I could see the blessings in my trauma. So for example, as a result of really finding my family home, very uncomfortable growing up, I became incredible at creating families in every country I lived in.

54:29So I've got four girls in Switzerland. I've got four girls in Singapore, four girls in Dubai, four girls in Australia who are all a family that I built for safety because I did not feel safe in that home. So that's a gift. I have something called mind reading, which is what a lot of children with unpredictable primary caregivers developed. It's where you read the temperature in the house to keep you safe because you're always walking on eggshells, right? You don't want to be screamed at. You don't want to be shouted at. You don't want to be abused. So you are looking for even a temperature of the room when your private caregiver is around.

55:09This has made me an incredible public speaker. I can read a room like it's a superpower. So all of these things, when I started to tally up the gifts of my trauma and how much I wouldn't have it any other way and how, I mean, the book is dedicated to my parents. I wouldn't have had them any other way. It's still hard. It's still hard. My mother can't speak. I was just in Perth with her. And even without speech, you know, I was putting moisturising cream on her face last week and she swatted my hand away. Even without speech, she can be cruel. And the carer came in and said, Simone, she only does that with you.

55:47She only does that with you. Because people who are avoidant, one of the traits of avoidance is they need love actually more than anyone else, but the intensity of it is so uncomfortable for them so they will do anything to create distance again. So something so intimate, like her skin was flaking off, it was dry. I was doing something even her caregivers would do, moisturize her face. But an avoidant is wired to be the most cruel to those closest to them. So that's still heartbreaking for me. I still have to manage myself. How do you deal with that? How do you forgive that? I forgive that because I know that she's carrying her own wounds.

56:28I forgive that because I know asking someone who's almost 80 to change who they are would be ridiculous. And I also manage my state very well. So part of the reason why when we're talking about the travelling and I don't like it is because it impedes my ability to connect with myself. Sometimes from flying there's such pain in my body that it impedes me connecting with the pain that's in my heart. So like my neck and everything is so locked that I'm like, Like, am I detecting that I'm completely triggered because my mother has just done this? Or am I in pain because I literally have a throbbing neck and my body's exhausted?

57:05So part of what I do when I'm in a great optimal state is I'm always connecting back to self and working out, okay, how is this triggering me? What can I do to feel better? So in therapy, one of the first things you'll learn is accessing tools that in that moment, to get healthy tools, not self-soothing, but healthy tools in that moment that are going to make me feel better. So normally that's hugging my puppy, reading a great book. Cocooning in bed is great. I'm a big fan of cocooning in bed, reading a great book. I don't see anything wrong with that sometimes when you need that and being silent and quiet.

57:42And so I try and access these things to lift me when those things happen because reacting in that moment doesn't help. she might she's paralyzed in a wheelchair where can she go you know wow wow it's just it just shocks me every time how each of us comes with their tests and challenges and warnings and you know you see someone standing on stage and being very articulate about topic a but they're still searching for topic B. It's just so incredible how the human experience really is. And I think, you know, at the end of the day, listening to you, I find that the only difference is a choice because the human experience will send shit your way.

58:36It's just, you have to make a choice in terms of how are you going to deal with that? Yeah. I just did a video that's just gone viral on Instagram and I said, I shot it sitting next to my mom and I said, you don't get points in life for the sucky things you go through. You only get any form of gift in life from the grace with which you handle the sucky things you go through. And one of the things my publisher said to me when this book was coming out and they're like, Simone, you don't look like a lonely person. And I said, well, this is why I'm the best conduit. If you look at Marilyn Monroe, very glamorous woman, one of the loneliest people in existence.

59:14We now have in America, like I said to you, one in three or one in five, right? Loneliness looks like every one of us. And I'm very vulnerable in the book and I'm very vulnerable on stage. I share the things I've just said to you because it's important that everyone feels less alone in the fact that, you know, this is the human experience. This is the grief and mo. I don't even have to tell you this. You Ali, you know, grief and loss is part of the human experience. And once it's processed, it's actually a very powerful gift to connect with others in a less surface way. Yeah. I feel I shouldn't talk more, but I really want to ask for tips for those.

1:00:04So it's safe to assume that one in every three people listening to us feels lonely, right? So by the way, if you're that one and you know that about yourself, yeah, you're 30 % of all of us, right? It's absolutely okay. If you don't think you're that one, then maybe think again. One in three, I've just remembered, I should correct. There's the one in three Americans feel that they don't have someone that they can confide in. Yeah. So that's the stat I remember, actually, that they have no one at all that they can speak to if things are wrong. But I think globally it's one in five. Either way, if you're listening and either of those stats resonate with you, I'm hoping that I can bring some solutions to the table.

1:00:50So solutions. Let's talk about your top tips. Okay. Solutions number one. If you have been feeling very, very lonely, you know that you need to get out there and socialize. and this festive season, somebody invites you to something. I want you to remember that you are not obligated to go there and be the life of the party. A great way to re-enter is to have a service mindset. Service is one of the best things. It gives us perspective. It gives the lonely brain, which is irrational perspective. I want you to tell yourself before you enter that room that you're going to be of service by listening.

1:01:27You have no idea in this narcissistic world we live in, if you can be of service to someone else by listening to them, how amazing that gift is for someone else. You're going to feel better. You're both going to get oxytocin and dopamine, but don't think you have to go in and be the life of the party. And therefore you turn down the invitation, go in, be, be reserved if you need to and sit and just listen as someone else is disclosing about themselves. Everybody loves to talk about themselves. So number one, people have been socially isolated, you get invited, please go and listen. Number two, you're feeling lonely, you want to start with baby steps.

1:02:04Okay, you feel very self conscious, you've been out of socializing for a while. Start with those micro connections. Micro connections are an incredible gateway to deeper connection. So when you go into your barista at Starbucks, smile, nod, they're going to start a conversation with you, their service staff, it's part of their training. Rebound with a comment. Engage. And then because they're micro-connections, you can bow out when it gets too much. If you don't even want to talk, going down the street, catch someone's eye, smile at them, acknowledge them, and don't be disheartened if you don't get it reciprocated.

1:02:39It's not personal at all. We're just living in a very lonely world, right? Yeah. If the loneliness is crippling, I urge you, it could be a symptom of something deeper, like what I was going through and unlocked a lot of other things that were happening. there are many helplines, but there are also great therapists available. And I understand that I was in a very privileged position to be able to afford the therapy I did. But depending where you are in the world, I know that there are different subsidies. Please don't be ashamed to go to a counselor or go to a therapist if you feel you don't have somebody in your circle you could trust to talk to.

1:03:14So these are my top three things. These are incredible. And I actually have to say, they all start with a conscious awareness and a willingness or a decision to not feel that way, right? Not feel that way. As I always say, it's baby steps. You said that so openly, right? And sometimes major steps like going to a therapist if you have to is something that is definitely a game changer if you find the appropriate and skilled therapist that you need. But baby steps, you know, low stake conversations, talk to people in the elevators, you know, stand next to the water cooler at work and just say hi or smile or, you know, ask where the...

1:03:55Take your AirPods out while you are walking. So if someone wants to approach to talk to you, they can. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's, you know, I actually do the opposite. So when I go to a cafe and I'm trying to write, I use my AirPods. I don't use AirPods. I don't like Apple. I use a long, I use a fully connected. Yeah, I use headphones. I don't want to charge things. Yeah, so that I can, it's literally a signal that basically says, I need alone time. So you're just making it. But I do that too, Mo, when I write in cafes. I do that too. But, you know, on TikTok, the kids are calling it silent walking.

1:04:31So that means so many of them walk with headphones that having them out, it has been given a term called silent walking. I was like, do you just mean walking? um but you know that just walking it's walking i love gen z by the way i love that they are less prejudiced than my generation i love them there is so much about them that i love i love their open-mindedness i love their creativity there's so many things i love but i will say trying to take out the technology if you're feeling lonely so that you can be noticing um the social cues of others and getting used to being back in connection is a good thing.

1:05:14100%. Simon, I adore you. You're wonderful. I adore you too. Yeah. And it really, it really is. It's your command of the topic, but your vulnerability that really makes you such a valuable, valuable teacher on the topic. I'm really grateful for your time. I urge everyone to read Let's Talk About Loneliness. It's definitely something that you need to be aware of because it's either you or someone that you really care about who's feeling lonely. And we need to address this as a society because it's really going too far, if you tell me. Thank you so much. I know that you have something in six minutes, so I'll give you the time.

1:05:54So, thank you so much. If you're flying through Dubai, coming to London, or if I'm in Singapore, it's going to be green tea, not coffee. Thank you so much for having me on. It's really my honor. Thank you all for listening. This was one of my favorite conversations of the year. It's always a wonderful conversation with Simone. I would ask you all to really take this seriously. Take those notes around the kinds of connections we're looking for, the signals that you might be lonely and some of the tips and tricks that you can use to address a state of loneliness. there is a big difference between lonely and alone when you're alone this is your time to connect to yourself this is one of the most important parts of the connection that you're looking for and so yes absolutely one of my top top skills at addressing my state of loneliness or the challenges of life or my emotional state because of how the world is today is to slow down reflect and connect and take some a few deep breaths and really think deeply about how you want your life to be how life your life actually is and then plot a plan between them it just takes a tiny bit of time for you to slow down it keeps asking everyone the purpose of this podcast is to recognize that regardless of how busy you are this week there will always be a tiny bit of time to slow down.

1:07:24Please do help me make the podcast more successful by sharing it, by rating it five stars, by telling your friends about the conversations that you enjoy, by liking, subscribing on the YouTube channel, which is growing really, really fast. Whatever it is that you do, you might actually help someone lonely find this conversation by telling them about the quality of the tips and advice that was in it. At the end of the day, I am really grateful that you keep listening to Slow Mo. I love you all for listening and I will see you next time.