A Dish Best Served Cold | Reading Reddit Stories

25:17It's like someone caught a thick piece of rubber. They're like, put your foot in that. And the bottom has like sand. Oh my God. It's been a sick one time. You're crying. This got me now. Because my grandfather, I was like, the fuck do you think? It's so true. And they're walking around. I know. Like they're on the moon. And you're like, they're bouncing because they're on bouncy material. Okay. Sorry. Anyway, I don't think this revenge was smart. No, this is not revenge. Oh my God. We've got revenge that I think was taken too far and we've got revenge that was on the wrong target. Correct. Yeah.

26:07Okay. And where do they get those shoes? It's time for our next story. Another petty revenge. I pretended to not know what Brooklyn is. That's good. That's good. That's good. I used to work at a medical office, and it was a chain. The culture was very corporate. I didn't really fit in there, but I tried to keep my head down and do my very best at my job. One girl there seems to really not like me, which is fine. I'm not a$100 bill for everyone to like me. Interesting. I've never heard that phrase before. I'm not a$100 bill for everyone to like me. Yeah. Next. But she'd do petty things like unplug my monitor and keyboard before I'd get to my desk in the morning.

26:49Jesus. We also shared documentation responsibilities, and she would neglect her end, which I wouldn't know about, until I'd get an earful from my boss. So I decided to get back at her in the pettiest way I possibly could. Her entire personality was being from Brooklyn. Like, oh, believe me, I'm from Brooklyn. I know pizza. Or, I'm from Brooklyn. We don't stand for shit like that, yada yada. One day, I was castigated for something she did, and I got really mad. So for the rest of the day, I pretended to not know what Brooklyn is. I'd ask, like, oh, is that some town in Ohio? Oh, it's in New York?

27:26Is it, like, upstate? One of the five boroughs? Everyone knows there's only four boroughs in New York. That's Manhattan, Queens, Bronx, and Staten Island. To know Staten Island but not know Brooklyn is really funny. When she showed me Brooklyn on the internet, I just said, that's not real. Brooklyn is an internet hoax. She got so incredibly frustrated, she started crashing out. The best part is what's she going to tell HR? I'm bullying her by pretending not to know what Brooklyn is? This was a long time ago, but I figured it was a good place to share. That's good revenge. I think she could go a little bit further.

28:01If she's unplugging your monitor, you can, I don't know, you can tear her. Have you ever had someone, when you're sitting down, pull the chair out from behind you? I'm not friends with the three stooges. Well, when you're a tall girl and it happens to you in sixth grade, it's fucking soft. And you fell all the way to seventh grade. It took me like many minutes to fall. Anyways. Wait, that's crazy. It did happen to me once in a Star Kid show. Someone pulled the chair and I hit the ground. It was really funny. I was sending a clip. No, on accident. It's really funny. Yeah, send me a clip. There's nothing worse than falling.

28:38Your legs go up. Yeah, yeah. It's just. Of course. But anyway, I think I like this revenge because the person wanting the revenge is making them look stupid. Yes. Like, it gets really scary when you're like, I want harm on another person to feel better. Yes. But you're just— To be like, I'm going to look like a clown in front of them, make them freak out. Okay, revenge that I do love—and I'm not a big revenge person—revenge that I do love is when someone is doing an action and it's, like, hurting you. Yeah. is to find a way to make that action hurt them is the best. So that's not the case here.

29:13But it's like, oh, this person keeps taking my parking spot and finding a way to be like, so I put spikes on my parking spot and they parked on it. That's a bad example, but you know what I mean? It's like, hey. I think you do like revenge. No. I was saying in movies and stuff when it's just like the action that you're doing is finally going to have consequences for you. Like finding a way. That's like a well-written version of revenge. I don't know a good example of it, but that's the best. I like this one. I just think it's so funny that someone's just like, oh, yeah, in Brooklyn, like, things are hard.

29:45Oh, in Brooklyn, we wouldn't do it. It's like, wait, hold on. I've never heard of Brooklyn. I know. Like, that is so funny to me because it's just going to get someone really, really mad. What? It's really funny. It doesn't fix her problem, though. Like, that is a bit. I don't think revenge ever fixes your problem. I think, like, asking that of revenge, you're never going to be really satisfied. Satisfied. I think, but I think you just, revenge is, like, related in, like, feeling, like, better, which is tricky territory. It's catharsis for people. Which is a slippery slope. Yeah. That's why I'm, like, very hesitant about revenge is because I'm just like, all right, it gets into the weird zone and, like, I don't know.

30:25Do you know what would be really good revenge but awful for an older person? Okay, we're back to old people. Is an underground parking lot is moving their car? What? Is they park somewhere and then you go earlier and move their car? No, no, no, stop it. I would never do that. What are you talking about? I would never do that. What old person are you getting revenge on? And what a weird way to go underground and move the car. Listen, my papa lost his car in those goddamn shoes. He lost his car. and we have to move on. We can't do this. We go to the underground parking lot and he was going to burn it down.

31:11I'm sure. And no one even moved it. He just forgot where it was. It's here. I can't wait for you to see that when you watch this back. You know what would be nice? We have an underground parking lot. We move all people's cars. I would never do it. I didn't say I wanted to do it. I was never going to do it. You know what would be good revenge? Tormenting the elderly. Oh my God. Shane said spikes. I said if someone keeps stealing your parking spot, you put spikes on your parking spot. You're like, oh, these old people who are already scared they have dementia. Fucking them up. And making them feel like they have dementia.

31:43Hey, I didn't, I was never going to do that. Comments? Comments. Comments. Comments, comments. Did this fix the issue? Does she still do petty things to you? OP said no, I quit almost immediately after. That place was a dumpster fire. Oh, well, okay. Someone said, honestly, the Brooklyn bit is funny, but the real revenge was quitting and leaving that mess behind. Unplugging your equipment and sabotaging work is way past petty and straight into hostile workplace territory. You didn't fix her, but you definitely fixed your situation, and that's the win. Okay. Okay. Okay. That's the win. Get out of there, girl boss.

32:18You just are badder. You just are bad. You just are bad. She ain't playing a computer. You just are bad. Someone said, reminds me of the guy who pretended to have never eaten seen or heard of a potato to his girlfriend's family and then instead of fessing up, doubled down. I remember that. That's a good one. I remember that. Okay. Well, yeah, I think that's just, that's also just like, that's not good enough revenge. Yeah. It's not equal to what they're doing to her. But if it makes that person happy. It makes her feel good, fine. Yeah. I think this one's kind of harmless a little bit. I'm glad she did that before she quit because if she just quit, the Brooklyn girl would have been like, I won.

32:56Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Next story. This next story comes from Am I the Asshole and was reposted to Two Hot Takes. Shout out to Morgan Absher. The sun's shining, birds are singing, and all feels right in the world. Until the season changes and suddenly you lose your motivation to get out of bed. In fact, one in five people experience some form of depression no matter the season or time of year. At the American Psychiatric Association Foundation, our vision is to build a mentally healthy nation for all, because we want you to live your best life and be your best you all year round.

33:32Please visit mentallyhealthynation.org to learn more.

33:52Incluye equipo de Wi-Fi y garantía de precio de dos años en tu plan. No esperes. Cámbiate hoy a Cox. Requiere Cox Mobile Giga Unlimited. Garantía de precio no incluye impuestos y cargos. Velocidad de datos móviles se reduce después de 20 gigas al mes. Am I the asshole for ruining my brother's proposal and refusing to clear his name until he gives me half the money for my wedding? Whoa. Okay. I think the revenge is a little leveled up here. Yeah. Throw away account. I, a 35-year-old man, admit to being a spiteful person when pushed, but I want to know if I'm truly the asshole when I gave multiple and explicit warnings as to deter my vengeance.

34:32I have a younger brother, Todd, who's 29, who had a complicated birth and had to stay a month in the ICU. And because of that, my parents have always doted on him and almost denied him nothing, even if it was to the detriment of my sister, Abby, who's 32, and I. My brother drinks in on the attention and has on more than one occasion made himself the center of attention at either my, my sister's, or a cousin's special event. Because of this, Abby and I have a strained relationship with Todd and our parents. Unfortunately, Todd met and fell in love with Lucy, who's 24, who announced her own pregnancy at the baby shower my mom held for Abby.

35:09When I proposed to my wife, Michelle, who's 30, I just wanted to elope, but she really wanted her family to be there, so I invited my family out of obligation. While out, my best man, Jim, who's 35, noticed a receipt from a jewelry store slipped out of Todd's pocket. Jim confronted Todd about this, which led to an argument. Jim told me everything, and I told Todd that he was no longer to be a groomsman because I knew he was going to propose at my wedding. Todd cried to our parents, and which led to a blowout. In my parents' eyes, since Todd never admitted that he was going to propose to Lucy at my wedding, I was unfairly judging him.

35:46I refused and brought up Todd's past behavior. My parents couldn't refute this and got Todd to agree to not try anything at my wedding. This wasn't enough to convince me to let him be a groomsman, but I warned him that if, as a guest, he'd try anything, I would make him regret it. Fast forward to the wedding, and surprise, surprise, Todd walked over to Lucy and proposed to her during Michelle's father-daughter dance and did it in a way so that everyone would notice. Cue my revenge. Jim and I had hired a woman to pretend to be Todd's side piece who cornered Todd and Lucy and claimed that she was pregnant with his baby.

36:23Whoa, they had it in the chamber. Whoa! They had an actor on set. Whoa! They had an Ocean's Eleven sting ready. Whoa! Todd denied this, but when she called his phone, I gave her his number and messed with Todd's phone to incriminate him. It didn't look good. Lucy threw the ring back at Todd and left in tears. When Todd saw the smile on my face, he knew that it was me, and I didn't respond to a single call text from him or my parents until after the honeymoon. Lucy has thrown Todd's stuff out and has been denying access to their kid. Todd is furious and is demanding that I clear his name. I sent him a text saying that I had no idea what he was talking about as well as a screenshot of a bill for the wedding and gave a vague message demanding reimbursement for half of the wedding costs.

37:09Michelle knew the whole time what I was planning and gave me the green light after Todd ruined her moment with her dad. So I felt pretty good, but now even Abby thinks I went too far. Am I the asshole? For clarity, Abby is a sister, Michelle is Opie's wife, and Lucy is Todd, the brother's girlfriend. That just gives me more. No, I got it.

37:57As stated previously, Lucy announced her own pregnancy at Abby's baby shower, so she likes to steal the attention too. Yeah, but. Dude, no, you went way too far. Yeah, I feel like all I'm going to say is yeah, but. Yeah, but are you joking? There's a child involved. Do you think the woman who they hired to be the side piece ate at the wedding? Did they get her through an agency? How much did they pay her? I'm like, where'd she sit? Did she dress up? I just can't believe that. Who did she say she was friends with? One of our guests, Christopher Nolan, was like, I must pass you in my movie. She won.

38:34Stop inviting him places. You went too far, bro. Yeah. It's like, wow, that was more creative than I was assuming. I thought the revenge was like, we're going to make him pay for the wedding or like, that's very extreme and intense. It can lead to a lot of bad shit. But that definitely to me, because there's a lot of stories we read where it's like, I cut this person out of my life. And I'm like, this sounds grounds for that. This person does not respect or care about OP at all. Yeah, right. And it's like. Todd is not doing good things. Like, that's ridiculous. Todd's a piece of shit. Yeah, but everyone's kind of being nutty right now.

39:14Yeah. It's kind of my thesis. But here's the thing is, growing up in like an unfair household will fuck with your brain. You know what I mean? Like, it will. I can try to put myself in this person's position and be like, at the biggest climax of my life, you're gonna still take attention from me and see how that drives a person mad, but this is driving them mad. You know what I mean? It's like, I have been so upset when I am not treated fairly that it makes me want to do crazy things, but that doesn't mean you should, you know? Right, and his whole wedding, all he's thinking about, like, during the father-daughter, It's like, oh, I can't wait for my thing to go.

39:54It's like, dude, you're not even focusing on your own wedding. Yeah, but also, yeah, can't wait to make Todd even more pissed. Yeah. Yeah, because you're like in Go Mistress. Yeah, exactly. To stage an affair is, that's just, it's just a lot. Like, have a glass of champagne. Or five. I like, it's just at that point, it's like as soon as that proposal happens, Like, I would have been down for a lot of versions of revenge, but it's like, for one, just kick them out. Like, kick them out of the wedding right then and there. Yes. Totally fair. Say, like, yeah, you owe me money for, like, stealing the moment of this, but stage an affair is so intense.

40:34And especially hearing, like, they have a kid. I'm like, so they're going to be separated. It's so messy. Also, he's like, my wife gave me the green light because he knows that it's like he's gone too far. To be like, yeah, my wife gave me the green light, so it's okay. And it's like. No. It's actually not. What would you guys do? I would go up to the DJ and say what car Todd drives and be like, a white Mazda? You're being towed. Yes. I would have to get out. But then he's stuck at the wedding. You want him out. I would say something like that. I think I would just be like, I can't believe you did this, Leif.

41:06Right. It sucks. I mean, it really is like, the hindsight of it that he can't have is like, when you know, clearly at this stage, he knew that his sibling was such a piece of shit that he's like, he's going to steal the spotlight. He's going to do everything he can. It's like, yeah, you don't invite him to the wedding at that stage. He already knew, like, I'm not going to make you a groomsman. It's like the guy with the toenail. It's like, do you feel better? Are you feeling better? Yeah. And also, just as even saying it for OP, it's really shitty to, like, the father-daughter dance. Oh, right.

41:41That is true. Everyone's being messy. I don't agree with anybody. Like, yeah, I don't want to discount that Todd is awful. Awful. I don't understand people who want to propose at other people's weddings. I don't get it. I will never understand it. Because I'm like, it's not even gets to be your moment. You're at someone else's moment. No, it's weird. It is purely, it feels like a purely malicious act. It's weird. You're taking one of your primary moments of your life and using it as a malicious act against someone else. I'm like, that's weird. Did you ever get far enough in Vanderpump to see Sheena and Brock want to get engaged during James Kennedy's wedding?

42:13I don't think I saw that. And they're all like, babe, no. Don't do this. And why do they want to do it? I mean, for reality stars, sometimes I'm like, they're like, well, cameras are here. Yeah. Like, they did that at a bachelor wedding did that, and it was like the golden bachelor. Somebody got engaged. I don't know why people are like, well, if everyone's dressed up, might as well. It's a family gathering. It's just like, it's the opportunity. I just think it's so selfish. Yeah, but he did it on purpose because the brother was like, if you do this at my wedding, blah, blah. He already set it up like, please don't do this at my wedding, and yet he did it during.

42:46Just disrespectful. Super disrespectful. So disrespectful. Like, maybe when your family's gathered for a mutual holiday, right? Like, Christmas, it doesn't belong to anybody. New Year's doesn't belong to anybody. I think this is definitely an everyone sucks. Because I'm not sitting here saying Todd's a good guy. He did a horrible thing. It's just the revenge, I feel like, I don't think the revenge was accurate in that, like, I think this was too different of revenge. If Todd was, like, if Todd, like, slept with OP's ex-wife or something. or like if there was like an infidelity type of thing, it's like, okay, you're getting infidelity revenge.

43:19But it's like this wasn't a, this was a weird, that was a sidestep. You're lying. Like maybe if Todd did have a side piece and you invited the side piece, maybe. Yeah, if you found out Todd was cheating on his wife, sure. But it can be also dangerous. Yeah. It's my take with that stuff. I also feel like if there's kids involved, revenge, you can't do that. Like revenge, kids shouldn't be involved in your revenge, in adult revenge. Agreed. So the verdict on Reddit was kind of a perfect blend of asshole, not the asshole, and everyone sucks here. It's very split. Comments, are you an asshole? Yes.

43:53Is your brother a bigger asshole who totally deserved what he got? Also, yes. You're also my type of petty. I applaud you, good sir. 5 ,000 upvotes. Someone else said, everyone sucks here. Yes, Todd and Lucy had a comeuppance in coming. In fact, it was long overdue. But where you overstepped was imploding their relationship, which includes a perfectly innocent child. That child deserves a home with both parents as horribly self-involved as they are. You need to call Lucy right now and come clean. Then let her and Todd figure it out. And for the sake of everyone around you, go no contact with Todd and Lucy for at least a while.

44:25This relationship just got nuked from orbit from all sides. It's time to let it die so that it doesn't explode at some poor cousin's event. I think there's a lot of stories like this when we're reading stories that are like, because when I'm reading them, it's a hypothetical that we're reading. We're not living it. I think the internet can be like, yeah, this fucking rocks. Because it's just like, it's not reality. But when you're in things, you're like, oh shit, this hits different. These are people. Yeah. The one that was like, I applaud you. It's a funny term to say you're applauding because it's like, it's a good movie.

44:57And it's entertainment, but that's somebody's life. Like, I don't applaud that because it just makes me, yeah. Working in this field where we're on the internet so much and we see how people talk about real things that we do from an internet side, it is, there's two versions of everyone nowadays. And there's the internet version and the real life version. And the way we talk about things on the internet is so desensitized. We're desensitized across the board, even when it comes to things that we don't think about. And I think this is one where it's like, this hits harder than we're realizing. I applaud you, sir.

45:30And it's also like, I just, the thing that I get, that I like hold a little bit is like, oh you're a bad person so I can do whatever I want to it's like things are still bad lying is still bad yeah even if you're doing it to a bad person yeah like be strategic and smart with what you're doing yeah I mean catharsis can lead people down a dark road especially when you grow up that's why it's like it's other territory when it's like from birth yeah like my brother will get like find parking faster than me and I'm like that's so not fair and it's cause I'm like it's like my younger like self is coming out, right?

46:09And I'm like, Angela, let it go. You found parking. That's so unfair. Just smash into a car. You always do this. Okay, our next story. This comes from Petty Revenge. The office white elephant gift exchange should not be mandatory. I hate white elephant office gift exchanges. Every year our team joins slash competes with two other groups on our floor. Participation isn't mandatory, but there's a distinct message of everyone is expected to be a part of this team building exercise. The combined group is large enough so anyone can add a gift anonymously. For the past few years, I have been secretly sabotaging the exchange in the hopes we'll switch to Secret Santa so I can opt out.

46:51My petty revenge, every year I contribute a nice gift, obviously from me, along with one or two anonymously given bad gifts. Every year I get a little bolder and go a little farther. Here's what I've contributed for the past few years. 2021, I put a potato inside an iPhone box and shrink-wrapped it. 2022 - Sick, dude! Nice! 2022, a Bible from a used bookstore, a toy American flag, and a red MAGA hat I found in a parking lot. The next day, HR sent an office-wide email about politics in the workplace. Oh, that's funny. That's actually really funny. 2023, toy handcuffs, a cheap eye mask, and a cat toy I modified to look like a riding crop.

47:34The next day, HR sent another office-wide email. This is funny. 2024, a bottle of Robitussin, a bottle of Night Train. Night Train is a cheap, super strong wine. And a copy of the National Enquirer. Our white elephant exchanges next week. I'm thinking about giving a carton of cigarettes and a set of fake eyelashes. Okay, edit. What's that one about? Huh? And that I just found from my wife's back. Yeah, hey. Edit. Yes, I wasn't expecting this to be so popular. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in my hatred for team building exercises and white elephant exchanges, especially when they're not mandatory, but you can't decline to participate.

48:13I found my people. Thank you. I love that shit. I think that's really funny. And I also feel like we used to do it with my aunts and uncles, and it would be like a fight. It's intense. It was like, I'm number two. So two steals, two steals. And it's just like, oh, great. I got this gift. and then it's your aunt who's just like, did you not like, did you not like that? Did you not like that? That's, white elephant gift exchanges, as someone with social anxiety, they're awful. Because you get every gift that you manage to have for a second, you have to pretend it's the best shit you've ever seen.

48:48But then I love social, like, I love just watching interactions. Say, where people go. And it's so fun to watch. Oh my God, a porcelain cow where you put milk in it and you pour it into your coffee. That genuinely happened. and I was like, this is so cute. Oh my God, this is so cute. And you're looking at the person who's just like,

49:09I don't know who put that in there. Your uncle and I found this at Hobby Lobby and we love them. Yeah. I think this is a fun thing. I don't think there's that, because we're going back to like, this is harmless. This is good. This is harmless. This is very funny. I just need to understand the lashes and the cigarettes. That one's good. The other ones, I'm like, yeah, totally. But this one, I'm like, what? Yeah, I didn't know what theme that is. Is it like? Yeah. What is it? Comments. OP should put in there a lavishly framed photo of their boss. People will be stuck between not wanting to look rude like they don't want it and desperately trying to not get it.

49:48That's a good one. I would do one that's like a t-shirt that says, I hate these white elfin gift exchanges. I wish these things weren't mandatory. Oh, that's funny. I came to this white elfin gift exchange and all I got was this stupid shirt. Yeah. Oh, that's funny. Or just a piece of paper that's like, does anybody not want to do these anymore? And they're like, whoa. But it's wrapped in a huge box. And they have to open the box and just find the little piece of paper that says that. Someone said, one year I was trying to sabotage and gave a can of Spam, a book of limericks, and some old Ferrero Rocher.

50:17That was the one everyone fought over. Sometimes it makes no sense. Someone said, I always love the gifts that are obviously from raiding the office supply closet, staples and Bic pens for the win. And someone said, who is this revenge on exactly? Someone said the stupid tradition, of course. Yeah, you're just like pissed you're there. You're just pissed at the world. Yeah. Yeah, and you got them. But you know what? They're participating pretty well. They are. They're making it fun. Yeah, they're kind of making it fun. They're actually probably, I think they're actually the reason they're still around.

50:44Yeah, exactly. Sorry, man. They would have been, yeah. In your lust for revenge, you brought life to the situation. Yeah, they're like, these white elephants are getting really fun. They're really silly. Those lashes. I tried them on and had a cigarette for the first time. My husband touched me for the first time. Yeah. Honey. Look what I got at the white outfit. Cigarettes. My two favorite things, potatoes and cigarettes.

51:07You know what someone's lashes, it looks like it's an hour long blank. Pee-doo. Pee-doo. You get fanned away. You're like, whoa. What is going on? Where'd you get those shoes, Grandpa? Hey, don't bring that back. Marshmallow shoes. All right. It's time for our final story. What? I'm having so much fun, I don't want to go. The food we ordered hasn't even gotten here. Yeah. Where's that food? Our final story comes from Nuclear Revenge. Oh. Okay, this is spooky. This is revenge. This is as extreme of revenge as it can possibly get on Reddit. Look, this is probably going to be too far for most of us, so let's just enjoy the ride.

51:53Okay, buckling up. She cheated on me, so I had a threesome with her former ex-boyfriend and the guy she cheated on me with.

52:07Fuck bitches, get money. Yeah. Whoa. She cheated on me, so I fucked every person possible.

52:20She cheated on me, so I fucked everyone in America. Yeah. What? I fucked the entire state of Colorado. I fucked all of Colorado and she cheated on nuclear. Everyone meet me at Red Rocks. We're going. I caught her texting somebody else. I fucked everyone in our town. That wasn't for me. That was to go against her.

52:50That's what you did for revenge? Revenge. Yeah. Yeah. Clip ends there. Okay. All right. To clear up any confusion that might come up, you have to know that I am a bisexual man. This would have been so much funnier if he did. I was going to say, I am straight. I'm fully straight, but I love revenge. But I suck for these two guys to get after her. I'm a straight man who took two dicks at once. Because fuck her. Because fuck her. I'm as straight as can be. And I had two dicks. Fuck her at the same time, and I still see those dicks once a week. She walks in and is like, suck it, Brittany. I'm so straight, but she fucked with me, I'm gonna grind her every night.

53:40And I've been doing that for 11 years. Yeah, 11 years. I got you, Brittany. Yeah. Don't you dare do that again. My husband Charles supports me, bitch. I hate dick, man. It's like, I think you're gay, man. He's like, no, I just live a life of vengeance. No, just women lie to me, man. So I fuck, man.

54:07And that's where the cigarette and the lashes come in. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Holy shit. I love this guy. I'm so straight, dude. Fuck her. Okay, okay. Okay. To clear up any confusion that might come up, you have to know that I'm a bisexual man. I love sharing this story because I'm still proud of it. A few years ago, my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with another guy. She then had the audacity to tell me that if I was a grown-up, that I could deal with it, and that she hopes we can still be friends, but she lost any feelings for me and is fully in love with this new guy now. If she hadn't said that, I probably wouldn't have made this plan.

54:48But now I had to teach her a valuable lesson. I was in a depressed state for a long time and couldn't bring myself to delete her number. And she thought I was her friend now. She started to send me pictures of her and her new boyfriend with laughing emojis. She didn't even care about how much she had hurt me. And then one day while I went through Tinder, I found someone who was quite familiar. Her new boyfriend. Of course, I wouldn't tell her that her new boyfriend is on Tinder. In fact, I matched with him, which was quite surprising because I thought he was straight, and we started a conversation.

55:19He didn't know who I was. She never told him she was in a relationship while she was flirting with him. But this was perfect. We had longer conversations, and he told me more and more about himself. Over the weeks, we learned more and more about each other, and now I had a plan. I suggested that we could meet each other at a bar. He agreed. Keep in mind, he was still in a relationship with my ex-girlfriend at that time. When we met, we had a great time, and one date became many dates. It took me a few months, but then I got him to the point where he developed feelings for me, and I was his affair.

55:50What he didn't know was that I got in contact with my girlfriend's former ex-boyfriend as well. He broke up with her because he came out as gay. I was in contact with both guys. The ex-boyfriend and I got along very well. In fact, I made him a close friend of mine. In our conversations with my new boyfriend, we talked about sexual desires, and he told me that he always wanted to have a threesome so I suggested one with the gay ex-boyfriend. I knew that he was his type because we kind of look alike and he had feelings for me so I asked the gay ex-boyfriend if he wanted to become the third one and to my surprise he said yes.

56:23I'm honestly still surprised how all of that worked out without her noticing but it did and then the day came where I decided to go nuclear. The two guys came to my apartment, I led them to the bedroom and they started talking to each other. While they talked, I took a selfie from a safe distance. close enough that she could see their faces but far enough that they wouldn't notice. Then the action started. Of course, I won't go into any detail but damn, I enjoyed it more than anything in the world. A few days after this, I told him that now that I granted him the wish of a threesome, I wanted something in return.

56:54I told him that I don't want to be in an affair any longer and told him that he should either break up with her or I will break up with him. I knew it was hardcore manipulative but I had a plan and I had full control over him. He actually broke up with her and threw her out. I even got him to move out of his apartment to move in with me, meaning that she lost both her home and her boyfriend. But I wasn't done yet. Because, I'm sorry, this is crazy. This is insane. Whoa, okay. Whoo, okay. He's just like sitting there, go on. More. I'm like, you didn't stop at the threesome? But I wasn't done yet.

57:31But I wasn't done yet. Two dicks wasn't enough. I called her dad. Oh, Britney's dead. Cut to Ben Savage and Princess Bride. Was that the end of the story? We're not done yet.

57:49That's not the end of the story. This is nuclear. Wow. Okay. But I wasn't done yet. Because after that, she texted me with crying emojis that her boyfriend dumped her and that she regrets leaving me. I then said, your boyfriend? Are you talking about this guy? and I sent her the selfie I took. She called and texted me several times, but I ignored her. My plan was almost successful. There were only three things left that I still had to do. Three. Three. The boyfriend, the ex-boyfriend, and the dad. Three days. I only had four things left. Boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, dad, and find her long lost brother.

58:27And go to Sweden and fuck her brother. Sweden? The first was that I told her mother, who hates infidelity more than anything because her father cheated on her mother with another woman. You could say, like father, like daughter. Her mother was angry, but thanked me for telling her. From what I've heard, her mother cut ties with her, but I admit that I don't know if that actually happened. And I don't think that it happened, but it would be funny if it was true. The second thing I did was dump him because unfortunately, he was a cheater too and I hate infidelity as well. Holy fuck. Oh, my God. This is crazy.

59:02This is the craziest shit I've read in a long time. Wow. He goes, yeah, we could share these drawers. I'm breaking up with you. I'm breaking up with you because you're a cheater. Yeah. The last thing I did was go out with the gay ex-boyfriend. And after a few dates, we got together and we are still a couple. Does the gay ex-boyfriend know about all of this? Does anybody know about any of it? In the end. Well, mom does. She's like, well done. Thank you for telling me. Yeah. I hate infidelity. In the end, I destroyed both her and the guy she cheated on me with and couldn't be more proud of myself.

59:39Edit. Okay, for some reason, I still get too many messages. No, the fuck, I will not tell you details about the threesome, you horny motherfuckers. So stop asking. Bunch of stupid... Yeah, why do they want to know? Go in detail about it. Yeah. But what about the threesome? Yeah, how'd that work? Also...

1:00:01Also... Yeah, how did that work? Yeah, how did that work? Yeah. Can we get an update on how that worked? How did that work? How did that work? Take your pancakes out. We're learning how that worked. Also, what's a safe distance picture? That's what I want to know. I know. I think he's, that to me is the shittiest thing. He's under the bed. I was like, hey, you took photos of people without their consent. That's so fucked up. Yeah. There's so much fucked up shit here. There's so much fucked up shit here. Oh, this is fucked up. This is very fucked up. God. But you know what's more fucked up? I wonder if that ex-boyfriend knows about all this.

1:00:36What's more fucked up? Where do they get those shoes?

1:00:43Where the hell? Shoes for Cruz, guys. I said this. Yeah, this is, are the comments rejoicing this person? Yeah, rejoicing. I think. That's a church term. Thank you. A few previous conversation. I think they are, because I think we're watching, we're reading this and watching this like a movie. Yeah. And once again, forgetting it's like, hey, like, because if I knew someone who, like, I hate infidelity, obviously. I hate cheating. But if I knew someone who's like, oh, my ex cheated on me, I'd be like, that sucks so much. And then they went into all this detail. I'd be like, that's crazy. I'm probably going to distance myself from you because I'm worried that if I do anything that pisses you off.

1:01:23It's like, this is Eric Cartman. Literally. Like, they love us. You saw this in a trailer with a bunch of hot people. You'd be like, I'm buying tickets. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But real people's lives, this feels... I mean, the boyfriend. Yes. Okay. The other boyfriend. Yes. He cheated on her with this guy. But like, you had to move in for pure revenge. I was like, the threesome felt like enough revenge. The threesome was you did it. The falling in love part? This is a patient man. This is quite a bit. Comments. Someone said maybe Hallmark could make a holiday story out of this. 2 ,000 upvotes. Hallmark?

1:02:00This is HBO. After dark. This is HBO. What are we talking about? This is Pluto TV. Someone said, do I believe it? Kinda. Is it possible? Yes. Do I want it to be real? Yes, yes, I do. Dude did not let her slide. Man really hit her with the Ebenezer Scrooge past, present, future. OP said, to be fair, you are not the first one who thought that. I told this story to some of my friends, and one of them also didn't believe it at first until I showed him the selfie. Someone said, man, I feel bad for your man, lol. I'd be devastated to learn that someone was only with me to get back at someone, even if it was just initially.

1:02:34I sure hope you told him this truth. If not, you genuinely don't deserve him. Big yikes. Someone said, Jesus Christ, save some dick for the rest of us, my guy. Oh, three million upvotes. Three million upvotes. Five hundred million upvotes. And how does it work? Okay. Three million outposts. Also, just chiming in for my friend. Yeah. Explain that. So if you could show us how that. No, I think someone getting with you out of pure revenge is kind of the same as infidelity for me. You're lying. Like, that's a lying. That's a big lie. It's a big secret. That's infidelity in a different font. Yeah. But goddamn.

1:03:15This is like so. This is nuclear. Holy. This definitely is nuclear. Like, yeah, she's, oh my God. I just want to know what the mom, the mom's like has a list and she's like, well, vengeance has been done on my daughter. Like, what was the, I hate infidelity. It's like, a lot of other stuff is happening here. Yeah, is the mom going to be like, and who else did you fuck? Yeah. Who did what? Honey, there's someone on the phone for you. Wait a second. OP must be very hot because every guy he talks to was like, oh, y 'all fuck you, dude. Yeah, picture. Like, the ex-boyfriend had to probably know him.

1:03:54Maybe this is a case of, like, hot people shouldn't be trusted. Probably not. Because, my God. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes, hot people shouldn't be trusted. And that's the lesson of today's read. I'm kidding. No, cheaters shouldn't be trusted. What I want to know is, does the boyfriend know this story? Know why they got together in the first place. Yeah, because he thinks, oh, we got together out of just getting together for a threesome. Does he know about - Not realizing it was all for pure revenge and that he only got with me. He must know because he's telling his friends about the selfie, like - I don't know.

1:04:28Remember in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days when they both find out that they're doing a challenge and they're both so sad? I remember when I was little, I didn't understand that. I was like - Never seen that movie. Oh, yeah. What? The Yellow Backless Dress. It's a classic - Oh, wait, wait, wait, sorry, sorry, sorry. Kate Hudson? Yeah, no, I've never seen it. Never seen it. Green Light. I'm thinking about 10 Things I Hate About You. Oh, you've never seen that? I've seen that one. Julia Stiles? Yeah, I've seen that one. It's Taming of the Shrew. But I remember watching a movie where two people were trying to get together for a goal that wasn't getting together.

1:04:58Yeah. And then they fall in love and they were so, how was the guy in 10 days? Spoiler alert. They're so sad because they fall in love. And that's why I'm like, it's so fucked up to not be honest with someone when you are dating them. And be like, hey, you're here to play a bigger role in something much larger. But then you're questioning it. Did you really want to be with me for me? Or were you like. That's the problem. Like, that's why I hate secrecy and lies and stuff. because I'm like, man, trust is hard to rebuild. Very hard. Like, it's very hard to rebuild. But, you know, if someone cheats on you, just have a threesome with everyone they've ever met.

1:05:29Oh, yeah. Fuck the town. Fuck the town. Okay, my version of this that I think is harmless is I get everybody on a group text. And we go like, guys. Guys. Can't believe we're all here. You're saying with your partner and the person cheating. I had everybody. I had her, I had him. You did that? No, I'm just trying to do a version of this that's funny. Yeah, and sent a bunch of weird emojis and don't say anything. Yeah. Yeah. Got them. Yeah. Done. Well, damn, this was insane. Thank you both for joining me for all this revenge. I laughed so hard. That was really good. This was one of the funniest episodes I've ever been on.

1:06:05I can't believe, I can't believe, for the most part, I'm straight. That part is so funny. It's because she cheated on me. Truly, I can't thank you both enough for what you bring to this show. You too, buddy. You're so funny. Thank you. I feel like I just hang out and read. I love these stories because I just visually picture them in my head, and I just love playing around. I'm like, well, what if? Or, like, picturing them. Yeah, and I just, like, it's also, there's so many people that are also laughing with us that you guys don't see. There's, like, cam ops going, oh! Wait, they're doing what?

1:06:38They're doing, oh! Eric does that every time. I'm like, what the heck? Yeah, it did look bad. They're like, Brittany, what? Oh!

1:06:52You were talking about getting an Emily gasp sometimes from stories. I get an Emily gasp once a shoot block. Wait, what's that? An Emily gasp is, it's funny, but it's alarming. There's some other ones. No, an Emily gasp is like, yeah. Oh, I know. You said that. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it. It's your southern woman. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Collecting your pearls. Oh my God. We love it. Basically what we're saying is we're grateful to be here. Grateful for everybody on this team. Yeah, we love it. Happy 150th. Happy 150th,

1:07:31guys. It's time to plug Shane back into the wall. Yeah. No, seriously. I'll see you on episode 200. Thank you both for being here. And thank you all for watching. And we'll see you next Saturday. Bye. Bye.

1:07:50Thank you.