Am I The Scrooge? | Reading Reddit Stories

24:07I don't know. The end. No! No! We need to know! There was no, she didn't say anything about the... Because she woke up and the mom said he didn't eat the meal, St. Nick didn't come because... So who ate the meal last year? Well, no, no, no, no, no. Who ate the meal last year? No, the mom is saying, like, St. Nick didn't eat it because you were an unbelievable. Who eats the meal? Probably the mom. Who eats it? Probably the mom. Someone's eating the meal, Shane. I think this is a Friday the 13th situation. The mom is really the killer. Did I spoil Friday the 13th to you? I've never seen it. Sorry.

24:40Halloween's already passed. Why is it always the woman? Okay. That's only the OG. Then Jason Voorhees comes back and starts killing people. Okay, this, I need to. I need so much more information. We need to know. She needs to just drop their names so we can look them up. This just sounds, okay, this to me. We'll invite them. This to me rides on super controlling, religious, ridiculous family who found an opportunity to just make, to control him, their son, and make him break up with, like, just to shame and, like, be awful. But to not have the ability to think critically like that, I guess a lot of people like that.

25:16There's a lot. Your circumstances, sometimes you don't have control over that, and your mindset is so limited, and you didn't choose that. It just happened because of the way you were raised. Yeah. Sorry. This is extreme. Got real. What the hell? I love that they've found, they have their own religion. They made their own religion. I was going to say, them talking about the Bible and stuff, I was like, this isn't biblical. And if anything, Christians are like, do not worship anything that isn't Jesus. Yeah, no, Santa Claus is very much like, would Santa Claus not be sacrilegious in a weird way?

25:52I mean, a lot of Christians are like, don't do Santa stuff. Because it is all based in American, just based in capitalism. Consumerism. It's consumerism. And I'm sorry. That's all it is. What's Christian Christmas decorations? Like, is that just crosses? Well, a nativity scene is probably the religious camels, wise men. It's like Jesus. It's Jesus focused. It was always funny, like, as a kid, like, we were a very, like, Santa Claus, like, whoa, like, holly jolly Christmas house. You were jolly forward. But you'd go to some friend's houses and it's like, oh, this is religious Christmas house. We had a mix of both.

26:27We'd have, like, Rudolph sitting next to, like, a nativity scene. We're like TJ Maxx Christmas. Hell yeah. Well, damn. Not much to say. I just need more information. When I was a kid, for some class, it was either like Sunday school or in something. We made our own nativity scenes. Ew. And my mom still has mine to this day. It's the most cursed thing I've ever seen. Oh, we have to see a picture of it. It's like Jesus is an egg. What do you mean Jesus is an egg? I like rolled up a piece of clay and he's an egg. Yeah. Okay, the wise men. Jesus is an egg. Jesus is an egg. Jesus is an egg and God's a bird.

27:12I'm going to bring it in because it's weird looking. It looks like a Matisse. A what? Well, that sounds amazing. Yeah. Yeah, it sounds professional. Anyway, I'm trying. Did you guys ever get coal? Did you? No, but my little brother did. Really? Yeah. Devastating. Wait, and he got zero gifts? He got a couple gifts, but, like, I got way more, and he had to pull up coal out of his soul. Oh, I've never heard of that. I've never heard of parents. He fucked up bad. Fully committing to it. It was a bad year for him. What did he fucking do? He was just bad at school. He was getting bad grades. It was, like, a lot of things.

27:47Oh. Yeah. Did he fire up the grill? No, that was my stepdad's job. He's not allowed to touch the grill. Wow. Oh, I've never heard of anyone actually getting coal. Yeah. Especially mixed with other presents feels really hard. Yeah, you get like some stuff. That kind of makes it worse. Feels really rough. Thinking about it now, my brother. I got one of my exes coal for Christmas. We had broken up and we still got Christmas presents. You got coal? I got a straight up coal. And that's it? Yeah. I got it like I had written a nice, really nice note. But yeah, I got him coal. I just remembered. I don't think I've ever told anyone that.

28:31Crazy. It's so fucked up. It's so fucked up. Also, last year I got, yeah, last year I got my ex a Christmas present, but we'd already broken up by that time, too. I remember this. And then I, we like, he came over to talk, and I like, had the Christmas present there, and I was gonna give it to him, and after we talked, I was like, well, I'm gonna go on a walk, do you wanna come with me? He's like, yeah. We walked to Whole Foods, and I returned his gift. He has no idea. he walked with me to return his own gift

29:04I've never told anyone that either

29:13I've never told anybody that either I think I might have told you that did I tell you that? you told me you returned the gift oh my god I don't know which one's more diapol You just gave three fucking hands. Yeah, my little brother got coal. I love that it's a Christmas trip. I think my mom taught me that skill. It's like I got that power from my mom. I was like, oh, you could actually get people coal for Christmas. If they're bad, if they're bad, get them coal. It's a way to raise kids and make sure they have good report cards. You can't do it to an adult. And yet I did, and it felt great. I love that you were amazing.

29:48I was like, I'm freed. I am freed. I love that you were like, one Christmas I got my ex Cole. Oh, but let me one-up that. At last Christmas I made him come returning. I'm like, oh my God. What are you going to do this Christmas? God, they're so going to clip that and he's so going to see that clip. Oh, that's awesome. That's awesome. Paul, let's move on to our next story. Okay. Oh. Our next story is a Halloween story. Yay. And this is very like, but this is also very like fall festive story here. All right. Am I the asshole? October 29th of 2020. Okay. Would I be the asshole if I put a birthday hat on my neighbor's pumpkin?

30:32Okay. Well, it is just a birthday. Because it's been out for a year. I share a porch. I share a porch with one neighbor who is notorious for not cleaning up after herself or her kids. For example, one time there was a broken longboard sitting right in front of their door that they would step over every day to get into their unit. For seven months, they just ignored it. Until one day, I asked the oldest kid, who's 15, a 15-year-old boy, to please clean it up. He's a good kid and instantly threw it away. I told him thank you and that was that. Now, I know I could have cleaned it up myself, but I don't want to assume that they didn't want it.

31:10I don't know, maybe it had sentimental value? Plus, I constantly clean up the shared porch, throwing away trash, picking up cigarette butts, sweeping, clearing cobwebs. I have known her to sweep the porch all of one time in the six years she has lived there. Last year, October 2019, I bought several small sugar pumpkins and placed them on my porch next to my jack-o'-lanterns. After Halloween, I threw all of them away in an unused wooded area next to my apartment complex so they could decompose. The next day, I found one of these sugar pumpkins back on the porch outside of her door. I know that it was one I had bought because of the particular markings on it.

31:47Okay, weird, but whatever. I'm glad someone is enjoying it. I figured she would throw it away after Thanksgiving, then after Christmas, then after New Year's. Well, it's now been a year, and the pumpkin is still there. It is nasty. It looks like it has practically melted into the porch. She has put Halloween decorations all around it and still hasn't cleaned it up. I think it's gross, but left it there on principle because I'm tired of cleaning up after a grown woman. We work opposite shifts now, so I never see her. I also don't have her phone number because she is constantly changing it. I was thinking of leaving her a note asking her to please clean it up, but I'm worried it will somehow come across as rude.

32:29So I think I might have a little fun with it. I'm considering putting one of those little pointy birthday hats on it and a sign saying, happy first birthday over it. Personally, I think it would be hilarious and get the point across, but my husband thinks we should just suck it up and clean it up. Again, I don't want to do so out of principle. So Reddit, would I be the asshole if I celebrated the pumpkin's first birthday? Okay, we have a photo of, I guess, the pumpkin. Yes. Oh my God, I bet it's fucking disgusting. It's basically gone. That is disgusting. That is so gross. Oh, that ruined the yard.

33:03Stay in the concrete, probably. I hate to say it, like I would be someone who would end up cleaning up because I'm like, well, that's a health hazard for all of us. I'm like, what's coming out of that now? And why is it not, hey, the pumpkin's rotting and it smells a little weird. Can you clean that up? I mean, that's what, it's like hopefully they would listen and do that. What's worse than a pumpkin rotting in front of your door is a pumpkin rotting in front of your door holding a sign with a hat on. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like if you put that, that's not going away either. No. Like that's going to be there for a long time.

33:35I can't believe they had a broken longboard right in front of their door and they would just step over it for seven months. That feels like a curse. It does feel like a curse. It also just feels like, really? Like, it took one second when he pointed it out to the kid. The kid was like, oh, yeah, I'll just throw it away. It's like nowhere along the line for seven months. That was an inconvenience. And I'm like a literal true Libra where it like I'm like it needs to if I clean it up, it's not fair. Like, I get it. It's not fair. It's not fair. But you have to keep, but I'm like, you have to take matters into your own hands.

34:09You have no personal relationship to this person besides just living next to them. You can't tell them that they need to be better. You know what I mean? It's not. I'm straight up, I'm the type of person that I'm gonna text them, hey, do you mind if I throw this away for you? Or I will go ahead and do it. And I'll be like, hey, I. Then you'll always be doing that. Yeah. That's the point, yeah. Because yeah, realistically it should be like, hey, you need to do that. But some people just friggin' don't, man. And especially if those messes just disappear to those types of people, they never really learn the lesson.

34:40Yeah, but I tell them, I'm like, hey, I cleaned up your longboard. Or like, I'm thinking of, I'm like, I cleaned out the fridge. Or like, I did the dishes or whatever. Like, I'm just going to do it and tell you, hey, I did this. But you're going to hope that you saying that will somehow make that change. I hope, and it never does. And it doesn't, because clearly they're not bothered by mess. Like, that's the problem, right? It's like, it's one thing if someone is also bothered by mess, but then they're like, but you need to clean it up. Yeah. But they clearly, I don't know what's going on, where something could be so disgusting right in their area, and they're just like, whatever.

35:11I'm just like, are you not bothered by this? So OP got rid of these pumpkins, and his neighbor got one of those pumpkins, put it on their porch, and then let it rot there forever. So that's his pumpkin? You know what, it is technically his. Well, yes, I mean, obviously he threw it out, and then they grabbed it. But that's his pumpkin. Yeah, I mean, yeah. I mean, it's not even really a pumpkin anymore. No. It's a mess of mold and disgusting. It makes me weirded out that they went into the trash and repurposed something. I think it was in the woods. It was in the woods, which is still. I know, but they don't clean.

35:48It feels like just not a, like a. Also, you went into the woods to get a, I don't know. They went and got it after Halloween. I don't know. Maybe I'm still in the other story, but I do feel like this is also a curse. and that's not good. And they're doing something funky in that apartment. I like that. I think, unfortunately, I would not want to see the inside of their house. Oh, hell no. The verdict is not the asshole. He's not the asshole for, he could put a hat and a sign. I don't think it's going to do much. He could go way further and I'd be like, you're not the asshole. You could leave a sign on their door.

36:24You could knock and confront them and be like, this front porch is disgusting. I understand we share this porch and, like, technically this is your home, sort of, like, but come on. This is a shared space. This is a health hazard for all of us. Comments, not the asshole, and you can always claim ignorance if she tries to start crap. I'm assuming you live in town, so while you would be the most obvious slash likely culprit, the hat could have been placed there by any neighbor, mail carrier, delivery driver, etc., because I'm sure you're not the only one who has taken notice. Someone said, not the asshole, I'm willing to bet she wouldn't even notice if you put a hat on it.

36:58Give it a day or two with a hat for a good chuckle. Someone said, you would be the asshole. I realize you're frustrated, but you're substituting passive-aggressive bullshit for just having it out with your gross neighbor. Why are you cleaning their half of the porch anyway? Put a mental line between their half and your half and be done with it. You're going to create problems for yourself if you do the birthday hat routine anyway. So why not just do the adult thing and talk to the person directly? Either way, it will be a shit show. So just get it over with instead of being childish. I don't know.

37:27So I agree with like, go talk to them. Like, but I also think, I agree with the other comment. I don't think they're going to even notice. Yeah. I think he could start dumping his trash on their porch. And I think they'd be like, oh, I didn't notice. Yeah, literally. I think if they put a whole birthday, I don't know, bunch of birthday stuff. Update. He put the birthday stuff on it. And now with different angles, you can really see how gross that pumpkin is. Oh, it's catty as fuck though. That's pretty catty. That is disgusting. Look at, wait, can I see it again? The pumpkin's disgusting, though.

38:01Is that just green goop? You know what this is? No, no, Shane. This is me after a shoot block when it's someone's birthday. That is, this is wrong. That is not right. Happy birthday. That's Resident Evil. That is Resident Evil. It is Resident Evil. That's Resident Evil right there. Looks like Goosebumps slime. But also just, I don't know. The happy birthday thing is. It is. Now seeing it in person, I'm like. It's pretty. He has a balloon. He didn't say he was going to have a balloon. And then I changed things for you. A balloon and then a sign and all this stuff. It's also really funny. It's funny, but it's also just like, Jesus, dude.

38:43I don't know. I like it. It's funny. It's smart. It's like witty. Yeah, it's good. It's whatever. Is there another update? No. That was it. That was it. I want to know what they thought. They just did it. They're probably not going to notice. They had a longboard in front of their door that they stepped over for seven months. They probably didn't even remember that it was their pumpkin. They probably have no idea. Literally, they're probably like, who put a birthday hat on the pumpkin outside? Our next story comes from Relationship Advice. This was posted January 11th, 2025. So earlier this year.

39:21We can put a birthday hat on it. That was awesome. This is a 26-year-old woman. She writes, my boyfriend, who's 30, got me Pokemon for Christmas, and I can't let it go. Do I call it quits or work it out? Pokemon what? She just said Pokemon. Real Pokemon? He bought her Pokemon. He got her Pokemon. We'll see what he got her exactly. For context, my boyfriend and I have been together for three years. Since I've known him, he has always loved Pokemon. Personally, I have no interest, but as his partner, I encourage his hobbies and support him. This past Christmas, we had a few brief conversations about Christmas budgets and have mentioned to each other things we have been wanting.

40:00I knew Pokemon packs were on the top of his list, so I made sure to get him some. I mentioned wanting a few beauty products and a specific hoodie. Well, Christmas comes around and I open my gifts. To my surprise, the first one was a pack of Pokemon cards. What? Okay, whatever. The next one was a booster box of Pokemon cards. I stop and ask him if he's joking because this must be a joke, right? Well, he smirks and tells me to keep going. I open my next gift. It was another booster box of Pokemon cards. He was full of excitement while I opened my gifts. That's it. Those were my three gifts. What?

40:39I am not and never have been interested in Pokemon. After this, I told him I needed a moment to myself. I went to our bedroom and took a moment to gather my thoughts and lower my temper. When I came back to the living room, there he was on the floor. Both booster packs and the pack of cards he got me were opened and sprawled across the floor. I was in shock. Not only did he get me gifts that I didn't want, but he actually got them for himself and tried to play it off. I have been trying to move past this as I did not want to seem ungrateful, but I just can't believe he would do something like this.

41:11Every time I've tried to bring it up, he has told me how expensive those booster boxes were and how I made him feel bad for not appreciating my gifts. Am I being ungrateful or is he just a jerk? Oh, give it up. What is this? This? That's unreal. What is this? What is this? What is this? Yeah, so he didn't get her gifts. He got himself something and just said it. So what is this, huh? So what's going on here? Are we breaking up or what? So, all right. This is rough. This is rough. I just feel like somehow a lot of people miss, a lot of people miss the meaning of giving gifts and what that is. And it's an expression of love.

41:56He sounds like a baby. Yeah, he sounds like a child. Yeah. But they've been together for three years and he's been alive for four. So what's the... But it's like you'd think she'd be like, oh, there's stuff in the past that he's done that's similar to this. But it's like, no, this is. Do you believe in the three-year itch? The three-year itch. What is that? I actually don't know if that's the exact title. I thought it was three months. I've heard the three-year itch. What's the three-year itch? Maybe it's seven year. Or just like it gets, it's when shit gets real. Oh, see, I've always viewed that as six months.

42:31Really? Six months? Six months is where it's like, oh, like this relationship is going great. My thought is always like, don't make any big commitments. Yeah, I agree with that. But then I would say, like, I do think, like, once you get, like, I don't know, it varies per person. Yeah, it always varies. Three years is, I feel like, a mark where it's, like, once you get past that, it's like, okay, if you move past that, you're doing good. Three Christmases together, to me, is enough to start to see yourself, like, just naturally. Like, I feel like people get very comfortable, and sometimes effort is lost.

43:04True. It's true. No, but I think with three years, in my past relationship, it ended shortly after three years. And it was like, oh, we had just stopped putting in effort. Yeah. And I feel like this is a gift that's like, there's no effort there. It's just like, what? Yeah, he was completely thinking about himself, completely self-centered. Like, he deserves jail time. I'm barely kidding. This is the thing. This is one of those stories where it's like, this can't be real. It's like, this stuff does really happen. There are people who are like this, but when they do stuff this unbelievable, you're like, what?

43:45You don't even know how to react. She's sitting here weeks after going, what do I... He's moved past this. He's acting like this was fine. I wouldn't be able to move past that. You'd expect it's like you're playing a prank on me. There's a lot of layers to this. There could be the argument of, like, oh, he wants her to get into his interests. Like, cool, like, that's not a Christmas gift. And she's not into it. You've dated her for three years. She's not into Pokemon. He opened her gifts, which means they were gifts to himself. That's my big takeaway. Comments, so you're telling me he's known and dated you for at least three years and has never paid attention long enough to get you gifts you may actually like, and you're questioning if you want to do this for the rest of your life or not?

44:30Someone said, nah, this is crazy. even if you wanted this, he then opened your gift. That part is unforgivable, too. Lastly, someone said that's literally insane, and the best possible explanation is that he's wildly emotionally unintelligent. So if that's what you like, I guess stay with him. ETA, I just registered that this is a 30-year-old man. Sis, why? Yeah. That's not going to change. Yeah. Yeah, this is just unfortunate for everyone involved. It's, like, unbelievable to me. It's truly unbelievable. Like I understand sometimes being like, oh I got us a trip and then I get to benefit off of this too.

45:07But this is just him. She has expressed no interest in this. It's like. I would rather get a Roomba. I would rather get a Roomba. I'd rather get like, I don't know, a teeth whitening coupon. Absolutely. Like a slap in the face. Not like a, I'm making this about me and my interests. Yeah. No, teeth whitening coupon would be very hurtful. Oh, probably pretty hurtful. And I brought it up because my mom did kind of give that to me. I've gotten that too. Yeah. And you know what? That's fine. You know what? That's fine. It's actually good. Moms do that. Moms are like, I got you these socks because I hate your fucking socks.

45:41Yeah. Right? Like, it's a thing. We see that your socks coordinate with the sweater. That's pretty cool. Our next story is an Am I the Asshole from November 26, 2024. So we've got a Thanksgiving one. From next year. Oh, last year. From next year. Stop fighting! It's Christmas. It's Thanksgiving. Am I the asshole for sitting on my husband's lap during Thanksgiving dinner because all chairs at the table were taken? What a power play. That is so funny. Well, they're not my chairs. Where's a girl supposed to sit? I guess I'll just... I, a 28-year-old woman, have been with my husband, Sean, who's 33, for two years, married for five months.

46:34Most of his family are decent people, but his mom can be a little bit of a passive-aggressive and tends to criticize me a lot. I feel like some edits were made in that writing. I feel like she wrote something down. She's like, just be a little passive-aggressive. Chill, be chill. Delete that. Sean sees it as her still not getting used to me being around, but I don't know because she treats his ex, Jalissa, well. Mother-in-law says that Jalissa has been around the family for ages and her past with Sean never affected her relationship with her. Fine. I never minded her attending every holiday and being around until yesterday.

47:08We had Thanksgiving dinner at my mother-in-law's house. Sean went there before me, and when I arrived, it was already dinner time. Everyone was seated, and I saw that all the chairs were taken. I asked mother-in-law why she didn't save me a seat and she said sorry and that one of her granddaughters decided to show up at the last minute and the chair was taken. I looked at her then at Jalissa who was sitting next to Sean and tried to point out how I was more deserving of her chair since I'm the daughter-in-law. I know I shouldn't have said it. I know. I know. Mother-in-law flat out said that Jalissa is as much family as me and that it was rude to imply otherwise.

47:40Jalissa was nodding confidently while glancing at me. I was so upset I wanted to leave, but decided to just sit on my husband's lap and act as casual as possible. I sat on his lap asking if he was okay with it. Don't worry, I'm petite. He's strong built. And started eating so casually while smiling and complimenting the food and mentioning to Sean how warm and comfortable his lap was. Yes! The table went awkwardly silent.

48:05Brother-in-law would try to break the silence and change the subject, but it somehow goes back to being awkward. Mother-in-law and Jalissa were barely eating and were staring at each other, then at me wise wide open. Minutes later, Jalissa excused herself to the bathroom and so did mother-in-law. It was still awkward, but I did my best to focus on dinner. Sean was eating as well. Later, there was just so much tension and mother-in-law was barely able to speak after Jalissa left. She left early, like right after dinner. Sean and I went home and mother-in-law tried calling, but then called Sean and texted me saying that what I did was inappropriate and that I ruined Thanksgiving dinner and made it awkward.

48:39She said it wasn't her fault. Chairs were taken, and I could have dragged a chair from the kitchen, but acted childishly and made Julissa and family uncomfortable with how inappropriate I was. Edit, I need to mention that even if I took a chair from the kitchen, there was not enough space at the dinner table to fit the chair. Everyone was sitting next to each other. Wow. God, I'd kill to be there. I would kill to be there. Just sitting on there being like, your lap is so warm. Sorry, I feel like I'm seated so high because your bulge is so huge. Well, look at that, a natural boost. Whoa. Also, the husband is not.

49:20Okay, okay, all right, all right. Okay. So done now, so done. Kids, kids, kids. Kids, kids. Slow down, I'm not 45 certified. No.

49:38I don't have the DMV license classification for this. Well, I guess there's a chair. I don't have a class D license. Stick shift. Well, I guess if there's no chair for me, I'll sit on my boyfriend's bulge.

49:56Oh, my son's new girlfriend, Betty Boop, is here. Oh, okay. So let's talk about Sean for a minute. Okay. So Jalissa's Sean's ex. Yeah. Who, like, he's, like, the family's allowing his ex to come to Thanksgiving dinner. He's tolerating that. That's number one for me. It's like, dude, who's allowing this? Right. Why is this happening? She's a part of the family. Okay. Yeah. Does she have another family? that she, no? Okay, it feels inappropriate. It's like, but she's my ex. Like, she's not, I guess you brought her into the family. But then it's also not sticking up for the wife in a way. It's like, where's my wife's seat?

50:44She needs a seat. Yeah. I know. It's his mother. It's his mother's house. Yeah, it happens. They're married. They're married. They're married. So it's like, hey, you're the ex and you are the ex. No, what I will say is, they're married. He's like, okay, there's no, Maybe he knows there's no fighting with her. I like that he's like, yeah, sit in my lap, babe. And then I like that they're both eating, and there's no conflict with why it feels like they're on a team. Can I, the thing that's coming to mind, and I needed to do a visual, could you sit in my lap? Yeah. I don't know how, and this is great, right?

51:18How is he eating? Yeah. So you eat. So she said, she did say. So is it like a. It's gotta be like a. I imagine you're seated across. I think it's a little bit more of she's kind of seated on one leg. And, and like. And her other leg's on his bulge. Well, well. Like that? She's saying, I'm saying. But where's, how are you? This is so dramatic to be like. It is, it is dramatic. But she's saying it's the only option. She's also saying she's petite and he's like a strong built, like bigger guy. So maybe like she really just comfortably sits on one of his legs. And like. What is she fucking ticker about?

51:55It is, it is awkward. I'm taking the way. It is awkward. You're sure you're petite, but like, what the fuck? You're a poly pocket. I'm petite. I'm two feet tall. So you're just like... Hey, look, another opportunity. I make a borrower joke like every other episode. It's every fucking day. It's always there. This is just like, it's like, man, why is this situation happening? And this is not, like, I want to call this story fake, but this is not the first time. This is one of numerous times I've heard, and from people in real life, of, like, exes being part of the family. Yeah. I'm like, how does this happen?

52:30Yeah. But it happens a lot. I mean, it does. It really does. It makes sense to me in my experience when there's kids involved because it's like, oh, you're not going to separate the parents from the kids. Yeah, I get that. I get that. But there's no kids involved. No kids. This is an ex-girlfriend as far as we know. And now he's married. It's like at some point you got to be like, hey, like, I'm sorry you guys broke up. Yeah. It's a control thing, too. It's like our families need to, like, boundaries and not controlling each other's lives when it comes into, like, dating is such a thing we see all the time.

53:03It's pretty awful. But there are so many stories of, like, families who are like, no, we're going to make you marry this person. Was she late? I will say it's an interesting thing that they started, that she was late to, that they didn't go together. Yes. She and her husband didn't go to Thanksgiving. But we don't know the situation. You never know. It could be. But she showed up and they had already started dinner. So already I feel like the family's just not respecting her. Yeah. We're going to start without you. I wouldn't even sit unless all parties are there. Yeah. This is one of those things, man, where it's like, hey, like, my wife is part of the family now.

53:38Yes. If you're not respecting her, you disrespecting her is disrespecting me. And if you're going to disrespect us on that level, like, I will not come to Thanksgiving. Like, man, you tolerate it. You're saying, like, oh, you're kind of giving it the okay. Yeah. I can see a reality where there was a set time. I'm not hearing any of that from this story, but I can see, but I'm also not hearing, like I'm not hearing it, so it might have been omitted. Yeah. Just on person telling's point of view. I think OP gives a little bit more details in the comments, so let's see. The verdict, not the asshole.

54:12No, definitely. Comments, not the asshole, but the whole ordeal could have been avoided had your husband done what he should have done and given you his seat while he went to fetch another one. In fact, he should have already had an empty seat beside him waiting for you. I can't imagine putting my wife in such an awkward situation. 72 ,000 upvotes. Yeah, that sums it up so well. So that comment had 72 ,000 upvotes and the story itself had 10 ,000 upvotes. That's like when Chance writes something really funny on my Instagram posts. He gets a lot of likes on his comment. Yeah. Someone commented under that saying, why is the husband okay with his ex being treated better?

54:47Someone said, not the asshole. I feel like I missed something. Does he have children with his ex who she brought to Thanksgiving dinner? Minus that, I have no clue what she was there for. Opie says no. They were friends and both families were close. Then they started dating, then broke up, but still maintained a decent relationship. However, mother-in-law is somehow acting like they're still together, but she denied all that, saying that she just treats her as a daughter and also told me I have zero say in how she treats others, which is fine by me, really, but when I'm being treated as less than, I find issues with her treatment.

55:19On another note, my husband says he can't figure out this problem between me and his mom. He thinks that we're both wrong. What? Oh, fuck. Both of you ladies are wrong. You're both crazy. So emotional. Someone said under that, sounds like your husband is a selfish guy. He didn't find it odd that you had to sit on his lap at Thanksgiving. He didn't find it odd that his ex was sitting happily and his wife wasn't. He doesn't seem to respect you much, to be honest. Lastly, someone said, not the asshole. While mother-in-law suggests after the fact that OP could have dragged a chair from the kitchen, it was mother-in-law's job as host to do that herself.

55:56Failure to do so was an obvious attempt to make OP ill at ease. OP responded delightfully. It was mother-in-law's fault that it turned out the way it did. Oh, my God. You know what this is giving? Boy Mom's episode of Bit City. Like, exactly. This is Amanda's Karen. Yeah. Noah, like, straight up. Yeah. That's crazy. I also don't know. maybe I'm a people pleaser, but like if I invite someone over and there's not a chair for them, like I'm, I'm, I'm not standing for it. Like I'm, I don't want to make that person feel that uncomfortable. Like I don't even want them to sit on my lap. I'm like, let's leave.

56:27Yeah. I've never, I've just simply never been around people like that. Yeah. Right. Like, cause like if I don't like someone, if, if, if I'm with people and I'm like, we don't like this person, we're not inviting them. Cause it, cause like, I'm not going to invite someone to a dinner and then on purpose make it awkward for them. I'm like, I don't want to sit there with that. Like, that sucks. I'm so, like, problem-solver oriented in those situations where I'll be like, oh, you can have my chair, and I'll find, like, something. Like, I will, it doesn't matter who it is. If I'm sensing it's that awkward, I'm like, oh, I really don't need this that bad.

57:05It will be less awkward now. Right. Definitely. You could also, there's another power move. Instead of sitting on his lap, it's just standing. I'll stand. Yeah. The whole dinner, and she's like. Like how awkward. Past the cranberries. Yeah, like literally. Ugh. Like circling the table. Yeah, just like walking around like it's a cocktail hour. Oh, my God. I kind of love that. Walking around like a leg. Walking around like it's the beginning of Traders. Yeah. And she's like, so what's this picture? Joining different conversations. Just like grabbing people's wine. Just be like, that's good. That's nice.

57:40What is this? Oh, nice. Our last story, it is a Today I Fucked Up. This is another October one. October 27th, 2024. Okay. Today I Fucked Up Passing Gas on the Dance Floor. Okay. Not really Halloween? It happens. Well, Halloween has a lot of dancing. A lot of dancing. Okay, so what? You farted during the Monster Mash. I feel like... So what? So what? That was the Monster Mash. I think we've all farted during the Monster Mash. That's part of the actual Monster Mash, right? I'm a female in my mid-30s. Last night, I went out for a Halloween dance party. I worked really hard on my costume. I was the perfect combination of warm and slutty, and I was excited to strut my stuff.

58:26Warm? And slutty. Probably wherever they're at. They're probably in a colder climate. Oh, got it, got it, got it. Warm, so like, you meant like hot? I was just like, huh? Yeah. Yeah. The way that this bar is set up is that there is a main level upstairs and then you can walk downstairs to go to the dance area. It's a pretty small place so it gets crowded. I had taken some mushrooms earlier in the evening and I was feeling good. At some point in the night, I had to cut the cheese. I thought it would be a small one. I thought I could just crop dust it, but it was the most silent, deadly, toxic, foul stink bomb of my life.

59:00I'm so sorry, can we hold, what's crop dust? Crop dusting is when you kinda like move through a space so you're going to fart, but you're going to keep on the move so that you're not standing. So when the smell happens, it's like, oh, well, I'm past there. Do you know what actual crop dusting is? No. It's like when a plane flies over and drops pesticides or shit. And it keeps going. And it keeps going. Yeah, so it drops stuff onto a field. So you're crop dusting. Angela learning what crop dusting is. You've never heard crop dusting before? Oh, no. You've crop dusted. Oh, everyone's crop dusted.

59:32Shut the fuck up.

59:37This motherfucker the other day on a live stream goes, she's obsessed with Olaf. I'm so sick of it. I was like, that's more damaging than Tomator. He's accusing you of liking Olaf, and I'm making fun of you for liking Tomator. He's like, God, she's obsessed with that guy. She has the plushies and everything. Shut the fuck up, I don't. You're kind of the Olaf of Smosh. Thanks, dude. Thanks, dude. Oh, God. Sorry. That was a three-hit combo. Do you mind if I sit on Bailey's lap? I don't feel comfortable. Just don't protest on your way over there. She's crying. This place is a war zone!

1:00:24Sorry. Just drive a truck through this, please. All right. I will say, man, like, it's one of the best parts of Disneyland, right? is like you're walking around all day, you're eating gross foods, and it's like, hey, if you got to fart, like, you wait till you're in the zone, you're in the crowd, and it's just like, it's like. And that's one of the best parts of Disneyland. It kind of is. Like so much food, so many good chunks. It is magical. That's the best part of Disneyland. You're walking past the line for Star Tours, and it's like, sorry guys. Have you been to a mall? I've given you guys a little bit of a tour myself.

1:00:58He goes, oh, I want to get a season pass there, so I got to fart. Like, what are you talking about? God, I love Disneyland. I can fart wherever I want. When you're in line for Indiana Jones, there's that rope pull, and you're like, you're going to time it perfectly so you make this. What?

1:01:18You guys wouldn't get it. No, I wouldn't, because I don't fart. I sealed my butthole shut. And I'm a girl. Yeah.

1:01:31Okay, okay. All right, all right. At some point in the night, I had to cut the cheese. I thought it would be a small one. I thought I could just crop dust it, but it was the most silent, deadly, toxic, foul stink bomb of my life. The smell from my ass destroyed the dance floor. People cleared out. It was so bad, people thought that someone had an accident on the floor. Like, they turned up the lights a little bit to see and make sure that there wasn't a health hazard. Even the DJ made a comment. No way. I went upstairs because I couldn't stand the smell of my own ass. I was up there for about 30 minutes, and when I came back down, I could still smell my ass.

1:02:13Whoa. It's all anybody could talk about. They thought someone had an accident. I had to play dumb. I was so embarrassed. All right. This reminds me of one of our live shows, unfortunately. It wasn't Tommy. Oh, oh, oh. I'm thinking of the Tommy VidCon part. There was a live show we had. It was a Christmas live show where before we went on, we were in our waiting room rehearsal area, and someone farted, and it was so bad that everybody cleared out. So, no, I thought it was Tommy. It was not Tommy. I thought it was Ian. It was not Ian. It was Jeremy Elder. It was Jeremy Elder. I thought we got a confession.

1:02:51No, it was Jeremy Elder. We got a confession. Oh, that's right. That's right. Yeah, Jeremy Elder, Business Casual Podcast. Go check it out. Yeah, go check it out. If we're going to do him dirty. We're going to talk about him farting. Go check out his podcast. If we're going to do him dirty like that, you've got to go check out his podcast. That's hilarious. This reminds me of that time that guy ripped ass. Go check out his podcast. Go check out his podcast. Angela was on an episode. I was on an episode. Courtney was on an episode. Anyways, but it's horrendous. It's happened a few times in my life where I'm in a group setting and someone farts.

1:03:23And it's like unfortunately horrible. and everyone's like, we gotta go. And like, in those situations, nobody admits to it. Yeah. Everyone cleared the room. There have been a couple times in my life where it happens. And then like, probably back in like elementary school and stuff. Like, that happens. And it's just like. The DJ turning the lights on. The DJ commenting on it and the lights being turned up. The lights being turned up. Did someone pass out? Also, the fact that she came back 30 minutes later and it was still bad. It's like, hey, maybe something did happen. Something's wrong. Something's wrong and it isn't Saint Nick.

1:03:59Nice. Callback. Yeah. Yeah. It's okay.

1:04:13You gotta stop.

1:04:26Are you ready? Oh, yeah, yeah. It might be on that one. Keep going, keep going, keep going.

1:04:38Our audio listeners are like, what the fuck is happening? Guys, I told you it's Friday evening. Oh, my God. Keep going, keep going, keep going. Oh my God, did someone fart? Just keep going. Just keep fucking walking. We have to go to Splash Mountain. We went to Splash Mountain. All right, they rebuilt it. It's not Splash Mountain anymore. Just keep going. Just keep going. It's like some fucking thing. Moana thing. Tiana's Bayou Adventure. Yeah. But it's still called Splash Mountain. No. They changed the name? Yeah. Tiana's Bayou Adventures. Wow. Who is that lady? Remember, that's the ride. It was like, who is that lady?

1:05:22This is when Angela's like, well, I'm not going to Disneyland now. Who is that lady, Mama? Mama what? Chance and I went on The Honest By You Adventure, and he just was taken by a woman that was like a... Mama Yeye or whatever her name is.

1:05:42I love her. What was so funny, bro? You kept calling her. I was like, Mama Yeye is not her name. I don't know what her name is. That's my choir teacher from the room. No, it's my African dance teacher. She reminds me of it. They look just alike. They do. And the vibes are like right there. Come on. We had Mama Yeye. And he went, look, it's Mama Yeye. On the ride. And we were like, who? I thought her, I couldn't remember. I confused them. Comments. Years ago, I was in a big record store with no one else there but the staff. I let a silent but deadly go while I was browsing. It was so bad that I had to move over a couple of aisles.

1:06:20A minute later, two teenage girls came into the store and walked right into my cloud and immediately started gagging and coughing. It was hard not to laugh. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Okay, can I confess something, too? Did you fart during this episode? No, I didn't. I have this curse, though, where I'm out in public. Like, I'm at a grocery store. I'm, like, somewhere. I'm like, okay, I'm just going to fart a little bit. I'm just going to like fart really quick. That's when suddenly someone just walks my way. Someone happens to be like, I want to. Shania Top from Smaug. I want to check out this aisle too.

1:06:56And I'm like. Don't. Yeah. Someone told me teens don't find farts funny anymore. I heard that too. Was that you that told me that? No, I didn't say that, but I heard that. Tech is ruining everything. Just giggle. Just giggle. Just giggle. Just giggle.

1:07:17It's how you look off to nothing. They're going to cut that all out. Come on, kick off. See, come on. I shared this once before on Reddit. Many years ago, I was at work after a night of drinking. My stomach was seriously rebelling. I waited until the ladies' room was empty, ran in, unloaded the most horrific load, and ran out. Load. Baby, 10 minutes later, a co-worker innocently asked if I'd been in the ladies' room this morning, to which I innocently replied no. She started ranting so loudly that the entire office got involved discussing it. She said if someone had to do something that disgusting, they should have gone home to go.

1:08:00It was the talk of the office for weeks. Oh, my gosh. Someone else said, what's a little embarrassment when you can give so many Redditors a good laugh? Yeah. And that's what we're all here for, guys. And that's what we're here for. Thank you for clearing the dance floor. Yeah. She did kill the dance floor. Yeah. I told you that story. I think I said it at a live show when my brother had farted in the car. And my dad was so pissed off that he farted in the car. And he kicked him out and made him walk home. That's awesome. I still love that your brother ran and jumped and farted in one of your aunt's faces.

1:08:33What? Like in my friend. In my friend. Or it was like my babysitter. I don't remember. She was like sitting next. And he was like, fart coming. Jump. The second he landed up, boom, down. That's amazing. You're incredible. Your brother's the Tony Hawk of farting, dude. Like, he's the GOAT. No, but how funny is it that we were, like, literally, we were, like, five houses down. And my brother farted, and my dad was like, John! And pulls over and goes, get out! And my brother was like, but our house is right there. He goes, walk home! That's awesome. And then we were pulling away, and in the rearview mirror, it just seemed like...

1:09:11Oh, my God, dude. What a holiday. Damn, I can't believe your brother's Bart Simpson. He is, he is. Oh, okay. Well, happy holidays. Happy holidays. Happy Thanksgiving, happy fall, happy Christmas, happy Hanukkah, happy Kwanzaa. Hope you guys enjoyed that. Hope you're having a good holiday season. Hope Halloween was cool. Hope Thanksgiving was cool. And you know what? Go sit on your husband's bulge. No. No. No. Get your pancakes out. Just keep going. Just keep going. The battle of the bold. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Just keep going. Just in the hips. In the hips. There you go.

1:09:55Thank you guys for watching. Let us know what other themes and subreds you'd like to see. And we'll see you next Saturday. Bye.