Cheat Codes Won't Help You Here | Reading Reddit Stories

24:36Especially, they're inviting you to play this game, not because, like, you have to play this game, bro. They're saying, hey, we want to do this thing together. Yeah. We're in a pandemic, you know? We want to, like, hang out with you. And this, they're going into these moments of denial. I'm like, no, maybe they're just stopping and thinking about how maybe they don't want to be friends with you anymore. This is, like, so rude. Yeah. It's really stupid. Yeah, God, there's so many things that they're just wrong about, in my opinion. One is, like, I don't really know if I believe in casual games, because any game can be casual.

25:10But the online community makes every game so intense, right? Oh, yeah. I was playing Animal Crossing a ton in 2020, and for me, it was very casual. I was like, I'm having fun. And then you'd go online and you'd visit other islands, and you're like, holy shit. Yeah. This game is not casual for this person. I don't know how they did this. No, literally. I've seen Peggle speedruns, that old game where you just drop the balls. People get insanely intense about any game ever, no matter how it's... There's a... I think it's Donkey, video game Donkey, who said this that I loved. And he was talking about Mario.

25:45I think he was talking about Mario Odyssey, which is a game truly that kids love. It's a game ultimately designed for kids to be able to play. But he was like, what's amazing about Mario games is that they're as hard as you want them to be. Yeah. And I think that's so true. Like, there's always a new challenge for how to make that game harder. Yeah. And I feel like that's kind of true for most games, right? Like, I love Stardew Valley, but I'm like, to me it's casual because I'm playing it casually. But there are things you can do in the game that you have to be locked in to do. Yeah. No, I've watched so much.

26:18I love, like, Odyssey, Super Mario Odyssey speedrunning. and the things that they do in that game, I have gone and watched videos and spent hours trying to figure out just the smallest little movement techniques. I'm like, you're gaming at a different level. My brain isn't even operating on the same wavelength. Also, Life is Strange is one of the most impactful and incredible narrative storytelling games of its time and probably of the 2000s. So that's just an insane take. Truly. Didn't it win awards and stuff? Yeah. Hello. And it's also like there were games similar to it before, but like there's always new things happening, right?

26:57Like I'm such a fan of Hades, but it's like Hades wasn't the first roguelike. But it like kind of made like specific formula changes that people were like, this is amazing. That's what's so cool. Like we are in such a time where so many video games are available to us and we're still able to be entertained and not jaded by what's coming out. And then also there's a couple more things. One is the N64 conversation is exhausting. Yeah. It's just like someone says they like N64, be like, yeah, that's cool that you like a thing I like. There's multiple levels of liking N64. I'm like, do you like these people?

27:31Like, do you? Or you tend to go into patterns that are going to be very isolating. You're diminishing everybody else's interest. They're talking to you about these things because they like you and want to talk about something they're interested in with you. They're not trying to say they're better than you. Like, it feels like you're trying to establish that you're better at all these things than everybody else. and that you know better. Right. But it's like going to an amusement park and being like, I want to go over on this ride. And they're like, that's not a real ride. This is a ride. It's like they're all different and fun for different reasons.

28:02Right. Just chill. They're exhausting. The fact that they're bringing up Conker as like famous N64 titles, I'm like, unless your friends are in their 40s, they were a kid when the N64 was out and they were not playing Conkers unless they were like me and they were playing it and their parents didn't know about it. Yeah. That's a game that was violent and my parents, they saw it. They were like, you are not playing that game. Also dismissing OG games like Mario or Zelda. I remember being in sixth grade and my friend showing me Mario for the first time. I remember being too frustrated and I couldn't play it.

28:39And then I never played any of those games because I just simply wasn't good at them. I went on to do Sims and other stuff. But now I'm like, wow, that person was so cool for playing that back then. Like, they're legit. The most impressive thing I've ever seen in a video game, actually, it was in Mario. It was a level for Mario Maker. This guy, Chain Chomp Brayden, created just the most insane level ever called Trials of Death, and it took him, like, six years or something like that to make it and beat it. I think I remember seeing that. It was the most, it's, like, the craziest, like, the YouTube video, I'm sitting there watching, and I'm like, I don't get it.

29:18Like, it's any game. Yeah, it's so silly. Yeah, it is fun. Like, no matter what game you play, there's always someone who's turned it into the hardest thing on the planet. Yeah. Because that's for me with Zelda Breath of the Wild. Like, my favorite game, right? And I play that casually. Like, I'm really good at it because I've played it so much. But I play it in a way that I'm like, I'm just wandering around doing stuff. But then you'll watch the speedrunners who, like, do a crazy backflip on their shield, land on someone, and then launch themselves to the other side of the map. And you're like, what the hell?

29:46How did you learn to do that? Yeah, and even, let's be clear, you're playing casually, but you have it on, like, master mode where, like, your health is always permanently low or something. Like, you play pretty crazy. You play it casually enough. Yeah. You become a master. And then also, last thing I'll say is we're in the midst of 2020. Like, man, find whatever joy you can in this era. This sucked. This was, like, the worst time. Yeah. And all this person is doing is just shutting down everyone trying to have a good time. Yeah, like the world's going to open up again and you're going to be alone.

30:19Like, hello? And to be clear, it's okay to not want to play a game or buy a game. Just don't be an asshole about it. Like, just be like, it doesn't sound like the game for me or I'm not really too interested in buying it right now. It's also just like not even about the game. They wanted to hang out with you. Yeah, dude. The verdict was asshole overwhelmingly. Oh, yeah, I can't wait to hear these comments. Comments, you're like the human counterpart of a paper cut. You're the asshole. Someone said, you sound like a gatekeeping asshole. Just let people enjoy things. OP responded, they can enjoy them.

30:51I just called them out on their Instagram followers' tactics. Huh? Jesus. Huh? You're not allowed to wear clothes in your Instagram posts. You're not allowed to enjoy N64 as an aesthetic. Animal Crossing was the biggest game of that year, by far. It was. And also, just some people explore and find their passions in weird ways. whether it's finding a cool shirt and going, huh, what is this? I like this shirt. Okay, and now I'm actually, and then they're better at that video game than you will ever be. Like, you just don't know. Just, like, you have friends in the pandemic. That is a beautiful thing.

31:26Like, please. I have to come clean. I own a Sublime shirt and I only know, like, two of their songs. So, what I got in Santa Rhea? There, Santa Rhea, no, it's Santa Rhea and the one that Lana Del Rey sampled. Dude, I have, There are Smosh Pit videos where I'm wearing a Led Zeppelin shirt, and I could not have told you what a Led Zeppelin song sounded like. Like, we'd be doing things. And now I listen to a ton of Led Zeppelin, but I don't have that shirt anymore. What is life? I also think, I think there's an argument. I think I'll make a weird argument for, like, wearing aesthetic things, because when things become so a part of just culture, that it's like, yeah, it influences, like, Led Zeppelin has influenced so much of just life, that it's like, yeah, you can rock that shirt.

32:09Also, people are dying. Okay. Let us wear a fucking Nintendo shirt. Someone said, You're the asshole. Stardew Valley is so similar to Animal Crossing. Like, literally almost the same gameplay. Definitely both are casual games, though. You just come off as a huge asshole. Who cares if your friend wants to say they're a gamer? Sounds like you're pushing an issue that doesn't matter. OP responded saying, Animal Crossing and Stardew Valley have nothing similar in gameplay aside from the theme. That's crazy to say when you've never played Animal Crossing. Do we think, so wait, you've played both Animal Crossing and Stardew Valley.

32:45Yes. I think they are very similar. As someone who's gotten really in the trenches on both, to me, there is huge differences. Yeah. But they are similar in the like, the zone I'm in when I'm playing. Yeah, they're a very similar vibe, just kind of like, yeah, the way that you play them and kind of like, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Yeah. of that yeah like i never could get into animal crossing but i was playing a ton of stardew valley i was just like i don't know i'm specific about like whether it's a an 8-bit or like i i like the graphics that i sit in and get into so i could never get into it but i loved watching you play it and i was always so intrigued by like oh time is is actually the same as real time in real life on animal crossing like stuff like that that was so yeah interesting animal crossing to me I thought it was perfect in 2020 when I was bored because Animal Crossing, the way I played it at least, was a lot of luck of like, well, I want to have this type of design, but every day you get to log in and just kind of hope that you get something of an aesthetic.

33:48That was an aesthetic game. Whereas Stardew Valley, you can keep grinding and move a little bit faster. Animal Crossing makes you slow down, sort of. But the same thing of like, hey, you're just... It's whatever you want. You can't lose. Yeah. So you're just kind of playing and designing it out. Can you die? In Animal Crossing, no. You can faint, but then you wake right back up. I installed the I Can Die mod, actually. Nice. I installed in Animal Crossing the Basement Prison Child Saber mod. However, Concerned Ape has cited that Animal Crossing was an inspiration for Stardew Valley. I think Concerned Ape took inspiration from so many great games.

34:28Oh, clearly a lot. So it's like... That guy's a gamer. It's so funny because OP is like, I play Stardew Valley. I don't want to play Animal Crossing. It's like Stardew Valley. I heard so many people be like, well, Stardew Valley is just a Frankenstein of every other game and whatever and dismissing that. So it's like, how dare you stand on that and then shit on other ones, you know? Someone said, you're the asshole for gatekeeping gaming, being an elitist and talking so much shit about your friends. No one has to justify their interests. If someone plays games and says they're a gamer, they are.

34:57You don't get to override them because you don't like their games. OP said, nah, they're not. Saying you're a gamer implies you play at a higher level than most people do. What does that mean? No, it doesn't! Same applies for gamers. A lot of people play casually, but that doesn't mean they're gamers in the proper context. Also, they're free to enjoy their shitty casual title. I just told them I wouldn't buy it myself. All right, so earlier they compared themselves to, like, competitive drivers. I'm like, I know that this person's not nearly as good as, like, eSports players. That is on a level people cannot comprehend.

35:30It doesn't even matter. It's the craziest thing. No, it's so funny too because I'm picturing this person in my head. And as someone who has played a lot of online competitive game, like ranked games, I would say that I'm probably above average. But I am nowhere near anywhere of me being like, yeah, I'm really good at this game or I'm like a real gamer. It's like this person's probably like gold in League of Legends or something and thinks they're like insane at games. Right. This is awesome. This is crazy. Also, it's just, yeah, they are putting their own definition of what a gamer is. Because a gamer means someone who plays video games.

36:06Like, sure, there's been a cultural, like, weight to the word gamers. Like, oh, you stream on Twitch, even. You are, like, a professional. But, like, there's so many people here that are incredible at video games, have never done anything professionally with it. Or, like, we had the pleasure of working with that guy Daniel Stonewall, who was a champion for Smash Bros. He's the nicest guy who would never say anything like that about any other video game. Right. Superiority complexes are a funny thing. It's just insecurity, clearly. Actually, I did play in a Valorant tournament recently, and I sat a Tier 2 Pro, so I think I actually am kind of like a good gamer.

36:42I love this. Yeah. And we have representation of all types of gamers here. I have a clip. It's pretty nasty. You guys want to see it. Yeah, you know, I think any type of game makes you a gamer. My grandpa played so much solitaire. He had like a little solitaire device. He was just always playing it. Gamer. Ultimate gamer. Yeah. Yeah, and now here I am playing Bellatro all the time. All right, let's move on. Yeah, let's move on from that. Let's move on from that. This next story comes from the Confession subreddit. It comes from a couple years ago. I sent someone tit-picks because he did a cute Arthur Morgan impression.

37:25Okay. Self-explanatory not my proudest moment but it's been haunting me for like a week. Wait, I'm so sorry. Can you read the title just one more time? Yeah. One more time. I'll read the title and the entire story again. Okay, great, great, great. Ideal. I sent someone tit-picks because he did a cute Arthur Morgan impression. Self-explanatory not my proudest moment but it's been haunting me for like a week. LMAO. That's it. Wait. That's the story. So someone did a cute Arthur Morgan impression. So OP was like, all right. Did you say a cute one or an acute one? A cute Arthur Morgan impression. Arthur Morgan, notoriously cute man.

38:07Yes. That would be the first word I would use to describe him. Come on, Dutch. Wow. Comments. Wow. Wow. What happened? Easy now.

38:27I saw someone with tuberculosis and I flashed them, okay? Oh my God. The Arthur Morgan impression is... I'm not doing so good. All right, comments. RIP to your inbox with Arthur Morgan impressions. Someone said there's an interview with Roger Clark where he says that he initially made the horse lines a bit too sexy and intimate. I've seen that. And then proceeded to demonstrate. I'm a straight guy, and it nevertheless did something to me. Ooh. Someone said, bro, once I got sent a titty pic because I said I know how to cook.

39:06He's in now. Oh, my God. Okay, spoilers for Red Dead Redemption 2, but OP said if the TB didn't kill him enough, the titty flash definitely did. Oh my God, yeah. Nice. That'll do it. All right. That was a fun one. That's good. That's funny. That's good. Moving on. This comes from Am I the Asshole. This was posted in 2019. Am I the asshole for telling my kid I would help him get a switch if he can beat Ocarina of Time? No, that's awesome. That's pretty sick, dude. That's a rite of passage. Yeah. All right. My 10-year-old kid has been saving his money, birthday, allowance, etc. for months now to get a Nintendo Switch so he can play Breath of the Wild.

39:54Yeah, it's been two years since Breath of the Wild was released as of this story being posted. Right now he has$200 saved up. At his current allowance,$10 a week. It will still take him months to be able to afford it. I know he really wants it as all of his friends have one and he hasn't been obnoxious about it. Just diligently saving up his money. Now I have to say, he's a really good kid. Kind, smart, does his chores without complaining, friendly to everyone. He's been making great grades in school and was even made captain of his soccer team. Instead of making him do more chores to earn more money, I thought of a more fun solution to help him get his Switch.

40:27I told him, if you can beat Ocarina of Time without Googling for help, though I would help him along the way if he got stuck. On my old N64, I'll pay for the rest of your Switch and get you Breath of the Wild. Wife was initially opposed to the idea, but then thought it could be a fun father-son bonding thing. Part of my reasoning, too, is I just want him to appreciate how far video games have come, and Ocarina of Time is a timeless classic. He jumped at the idea. After a weekend of playing, he's already at Zora's domain as young Link. He seems to be having fun with it and hasn't gotten too frustrated yet.

40:57He's only played Minecraft, really, so the dated graphics don't bother him either. But anyway, I told a couple friends about it, and they think I'm a massive dick, that I'm trying to relive my childhood vicariously through my son, and that I should just get him the switch because he's already such a good kid. Now I'm having second thoughts and I'm feeling bad about it, but he does seem to be enjoying the challenge. So am I the asshole? Oh, living vicariously through your son as if that's not a thing parents do? Yeah, and this is the most non-pain, like this is like the most mild version of that.

41:28Yeah, I think this is a healthy way of doing that because it's like, hey, I want to relive this and experience it with you. Like that is a bonding moment. Yeah, this kid isn't suffering. You're making your kid play Ocarina of Time? How dare you? And giving them a allowance of$10 a week? What? Like, hello? Yeah, I think it sounds like they're doing a great job of parenting this kid. And that sounds like timeless memories for this kid. It's amazing. I love this. And you're also offering to expedite the process of getting them the Switch. So you are acknowledging that this is a good kid. And you're just letting them play.

42:02Like, this is awesome. And the fact that this is motivating the kid to be down to play this, like, you're enriching their experience as a gamer. Yeah. Which they are, one. It's also, like, I feel like this is, you know, there's such a small window with how far things have come. There's such a small window to really experience those things for the first time and appreciate them. Once you play Breath of the Wild, it will be hard to go back and play Ocarina of Time and, like, enjoy it. Yeah. I struggle with that. Like, Wind Waker, when I played it as a kid, I was like, this is the best game ever made.

42:34Look at this world. It's so crazy. And now that I've played Breath of the Wild and stuff, I'm like, I can go back and play it, and I can appreciate it. But it's definitely me enjoying the nostalgia. Whereas if I was young and playing it for the first time, I'd be like, why not play the newer thing? How dare this dad be like, hey, son, you want to spend time together playing one of the greatest video games so that I can then just give you a bunch of money to buy a Switch. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Oh, you're playing catch with your son? Just let him play MLB The Show. Yeah, and there's tons of Easter eggs in Breath of the Wild to Ocarina of Time that he'll get.

43:10When they come to that first area in Breath of the Wild and you're like, oh, is this the Temple of Time? And you're getting the small music cues. You're going to get those references. Yes! Dude, when I first started Smosh, I saw Ian was wearing a Triforce shirt but I was like that's a cool shirt what is that and he's like you don't know what this is and I was like no and he was like ugh it was disgusted by me and I was like oh no and it's like my first few months at the job so I literally I had missed a flight and had like five hours to kill so I spent five hours watching YouTube videos on all of the lore of Legend of Zelda and I was like holy shit Zelda's amazing and then you know what's really funny is Nintendo doesn't even know the lore I know they're making that shit up it did make me wish I was able to It did make me wish I was able to play those games.

44:01I was like, oh, I never had access to those games. Oh, well. Because, like, you know. It's fine. I didn't beat Ocarina of Time until I was an adult. Like, I played it as a kid, and I watched my brother beat the game, right? Which is the case for most video games. Like, I just watched my brothers play them and beat them. But I finally, at a certain point, was like, I got to beat that game so I can say I beat it. Nice. No, I mean, Ocarina of Time as a 10-year-old, that's a healthy challenge. Yeah. That's a healthy challenge for him to complete. It's hard as hell. Yeah. There's something. I mean, look, the son, where the dad might be an asshole is once they get to the water temple.

44:35That's where things are going to get bad. The verdict was not the asshole. Comments, not the asshole if your son is up for it and seems excited. It doesn't matter what other people think. I think it's a cute idea. OP's comment in response to a now edited comment. OP said, I mean to them, OP's friends, it sounds like I'm forcing him to play an old video game before he can play a new one, and then I'm robbing him of making his own memories with video games. When I thought about what they said, I think it would have pissed me off if my parents had made me play like Pong or Pac-Man for hours before getting an N64 when I was his age.

45:10So I kind of get their side of it. I just kind of fully disagree with that. Like, I don't know. I think it's really fun to play those old games. Yeah, I mean, Pac-Man and those games are more of a repetitive thing, not so much a story. So I would probably feel a bit tortured by that if I'm being honest. But I still think it's a really, like, a Switch is a big deal. That's a big, like, that is not just one little game system. Like, that opens up such a big window to games and other mediums on that device. Like, my oldest sister, she had been telling her sons no to a Switch because she thought it was just something you attach to your iPhone.

45:47She thought it was controllers. You attach to your iPhone. She was like, no, that sounds stupid. I was like, no, this is amazing. It connects to your TV, so you can enjoy it as a family or watch stuff and then also take it on the go. It's a big purchase, and so this is the littlest challenge. And like you said, it's going to make the gameplay of Breath of the Wild so much more fun. Because Breath of the Wild is a huge game, and for that to be your first introduction into any Legend of Zelda game, there is a lot of stuff. And so being able to just have little reference points for like, oh, I recognize those characters.

46:20I recognize those areas. It is going to make it more fun so that he's not just thrown into this thing, kind of like just thrown into the deep end. He'll have a deeper knowledge of the story than his friends once he goes into it. No references to things. If you said someone needed to play one other Zelda game before Breath of the Wild, which one would you say? Ooh, that's good. I would maybe say Wind Waker because the references in Breath of the Wild to Wind Waker are probably the most prominent. You have Beetle, the salesman. You've got the, why am I blanking on the names? The little leafy guys.

46:56Koroks. You have the Koroks. You have the Dragon Roost Island theme comes back and that whole thing. I would say that, but ultimately any of them is fine because in the Nintendo lore. There's like three timelines, right? Well, yeah, but Breath of the Wild takes place so far after the timeline split that it's all back together. And they refer to all the previous Zelda games as like the age of myth. Like these are tales that were told. But now it's been tens of thousands of years since then that it was their way of like being like, okay, we're going to move past this timeline split thing and just start fresh.

47:36It ultimately doesn't matter. Like to me, every Zelda game is just like, yeah, it's like Mario. It's like, and we're back in Hyrule and things are a little different, but it's all ultimately the same. Uh, where is Ganon? Yeah. You gotta make it with the Ganon. One last comment here. Someone says, not the asshole except for one part, the water temple. That bit makes you the asshole, but I like it. It's a good take and different spin on doing chores or something around the house for a reward. Seems like a good kid you have there, so I don't think this is an issue. You said he is enjoying it and having fun, so I wouldn't say you are living vicariously through him.

48:13So again, not the asshole except for the water temple. You're the asshole for when he plays that level. I just think there's just absolutely nothing wrong with, like, as a parent being like, hey, I love this thing and we're going to do this thing together, experience this thing together. Like, to me, like, I'm not a parent. But, like, any parent who goes, like, I want to experience this thing with my child. Yeah. I'm like, you can't really be an asshole. Because, like, you're spending time with your kid doing something together. That's ultimately the best thing you can do as a parent. And teaching your kid also, like, this wonderful thing of just, like, if you work hard, you get great things in your life.

48:49I do think he'll, like, his son will learn a lot about gaming, like, in a healthy, good way. And, like, especially not Googling. Something like, I was talking to Damien about this recently. About how I'm, like, a lot of video games are a little bit ruined for me because I'll play them and, like, I'll play puzzles. And I have a really hard time not just getting frustrated and just Googling stuff. And I'm, like, oh, and now it's not fun. but when I was a kid I didn't have access to that so you'd come across stuff and just be like I don't know and like hearing about my brothers playing Link to the Past they were like yeah so this is back in like the early 90s and they'd be playing and you'd reach a part where you just are like I don't know where to go and it would just be months and they would just spend months just being like yeah we're stuck here and then eventually one of your friends would be like hey I figured out how to get the ice rod you crashed into this cave and you're like sweet now we all know and now we can all do this together And that's just how it used to be.

49:44Yeah. But now it's just like we know things immediately. Yeah, there used to be a hotline in the 80s where like there's this guy working at like a Nintendo office. And he's like, yeah, okay. And then like this guy calling and is like, yeah, I'm not able to get the Master Sword. I have all the hearts for it. And so he's like, okay, have you checked this thing? Do you make sure you have 13 hearts? He's like, yeah, I don't. You know what? I miscounted. I have 12 hearts. I'm so sorry. And he's like, yeah, no problem. I'll talk to you later. And he's like, thanks. It's so funny. That's awesome. We don't have an update that we could find in OP's post history, but we can hope his son beat Ocarina of Time and has been enjoying his Nintendo Switch.

50:18And hey, maybe he even has a Switch 2 now. But maybe he had to play Wind Waker to get the Switch 2. Love it. Or Majora's Mask. I don't know. Tradition. No, I mean, I literally, I think the reason that I love video games so much, I don't think I know, is because my dad and my parents, we were always doing stuff together. It's like my dad is a gamer, and he's like, hey, you want to play Halo together? Yes. And I'm like, yeah. That's awesome. I want to play Halo. He's like, hey, I'm going to make you a RuneScape account. What? That's the coolest parents ever. That's crazy. Literally, the reason that I love video games so much and all of my fondest video game memories from my childhood are playing games with my dad and with my parents.

50:54It was just such a fun thing to do. Absolutely. For me, it was watching my brother play Final Fantasy VII was huge for me. I was like, this is crazy. Love it. It was awesome. All right. Our next story. comes from Am I the Asshole and Am I the Devil? Oh, God. This is close to 2023. We have a video game devil. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Don't read ahead. That's not fair. I hate when you do that. Am I the asshole for demanding my girlfriend divorces her husband on Stardew Valley?

51:34I thought it was going to be a literal, like, am I an asshole for demanding that my girlfriend divorce her husband? I know. It has nothing to do with video games. It just ends. He's like, all right, I'm going to play some Fortnite now. So I, a 26-year-old man, have been with my girlfriend who's 19. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. Wait, what was the age gap? Say it again. The age gap's not even the problem. So I, a 26-year-old man, have been with my girlfriend who's 19 for a bit over two years now. Oh! Some quick maths here. So a little bit of math here. 24. 19 minus 2. 17. I think that's a little problematic.

52:17Bro wrote that out. He put it on the internet. Oh my God. I was actually planning on proposing soon, but this issue has me rethinking our entire relationship. She has been playing Stardew Valley for about six months now and actually only showed me recently. When I saw what she was doing on the game, I was taken aback to say the least. I thought that the game was a farming RPG or something But little did I know She had been fostering an inappropriate relationship in the game When I asked her why there was another player in her house She explained that she had a roommate in the game Now this is the part where I might be the asshole I'm not a gamer myself But I knew something was wrong with this I waited until she fell asleep and logged into her game I talked to the man in her house And to my horror, they were married I waited until the morning to confront her about this And when she told me it's just a game and that she has to go to work, I lost it and asked her how she thinks that this is appropriate and how she could even imagine a life with another man that isn't me.

53:16She told me that I'm being ridiculous and that I'm crazy, but my friends are on my side. So am I the asshole? Oh, my God. Well, I think really before we decide, we have to know who she married. Yeah, truly. He feels threatened, which means it's probably either it can't be Shane. No. No, it must be. It's either Elliot or Alex. Harvey is very passionate. Ooh, Harvey. She married a doctor. A passionate lover. A passionate lover. Harvey is devoted. Yeah. Elliot's sweet and caring, but Harvey's dialogue. I don't know if you guys have seen those. This is the funniest thing ever, man. In Stardew Valley of all games.

54:00An 8-bit game. I know, where nothing even happens. It's not even like she's playing Baldur's Gate and, like, making sweet, sweet love to a sexy man. Yeah. It's like, come on. I'd be like, dude, you marry the character that gives you the best gifts when you talk to them. Ew. It's really a lookbook and, like, how dare you imagine life with any man outside of me? And, like, oh, you barely let this person exist as an adult woman. Like, hello? And you're trying to lock that shit down? You're clearly not secure enough in yourself to do that, buddy. I wish his friends were like, no, you're not the asshole for this.

54:33You are the asshole because you're a pedophile. Unfortunately. My friend's okay with the pedophilia, not okay with the Starry Valley marriage. Yeah, you were dating a minor, so. Yeah. All right. Verdict, asshole. Yeah. Comments, you're the asshole. I am so tired. Someone said fostering inappropriate relationships, but you started dating her when she was 17. Opie is getting ready to fight Clint or some crap. Oh, my God. Dude. This is ridiculous. I feel like we need Damien here to be like, yeah, so this story is not real. Yeah. Like, this is hopefully rage bait. Yeah. But I also know, as always, these people do exist.

55:22So. If you marry, some of the people you marry in that game give you stuff. or take care of your livestock for you. Yeah, man. Hey, man, you can't run a farm on your own. No. Yeah, no, the only judgment that would ever come for me is, yeah, based on who you marry. Then it's like, okay, well, come on. Well, who is it? Yeah, who is it? Penny gives me scrambled eggs. I love Penny. And there's a steamy bath scene. Whoa. Whoa. Okay, now slow down. Oh, hold on. Yeah, did I marry Lydia in Skyrim because she's the first companion you get? And the carry weight is awesome? Yeah. The carry rate is awesome.

55:56Hold my five steel plate bodies, please. Am I extremely desperate in every video game I play? Yes. Oh, my God. All right. Do I have three girlfriends in Stardew Valley? Yes. But I carry a rabbit's foot on me, so it's fine. No, I only have one girlfriend in the game. And it's Leah. Who? Leah. And she makes beautiful carvings. I'm feeling a little uncomfortable right now. All right. Our final story. This is a Today I Fucked Up, and it was posted in 2020. Today I fucked up by making my dad punch a stripper in GTA and tearfully ask God for forgiveness in front of my entire family. Oh my God. This reminds me of when you had Amanda punch.

56:44Yeah, I cut to the clip of me when Amanda asked how to talk to a woman in Grand Theft Auto. You make her punch a woman. You didn't do anything. Go up to her in the fedora. How do I talk? Chris B? No! No! No! That's not what you said. I wanted to talk to her. Hey! That's kind of like Amanda in real life, though. Yeah. When I was young, my brothers and I snuck a copy of San Andreas into the house. We spent days holed up in our basement, taking turns playing, and down there, my parents didn't bother us too much. In order to get tons of money for guns, We had yet to figure out my parents' dial-up password, so cheats weren't a thing for us yet.

57:25We would go to the strip club and stand on the stage, absorbing the money dudes threw at the women, and just let the game sit for 10 to 20 minutes. Genius. I didn't know you could do that. That's awesome. That's so smart. I'm going to do that in real life.

57:41He's blocking the money. He's getting it. So smart.

57:49We had to be careful, though, because sometimes the strippers would do a move and bump into CJ, and the bouncers would shoot the place up. One day while I was playing, my mom yelled down to the basement at us to get ready. We're going to Pizza Hut. In a stroke of genius, I drove to the GTA Strip Club, got on the stage, and then turned the TV off, and we left. It was to be the best heist of the century. My dad, however, was at church at this time, practicing for a gospel concert that he was singing in. He always filmed the practices so he could take notes at home upon playback, and this time was no different.

58:19While my mom and brothers and I were still at the hut, he arrived at home and plugged his camcorder into the VCR. We had just one VCR, and it was connected to the basement TV. Back at the hut, my mom gets a phone call. She puts her napkin down and slowly looks around the table at us and says, Okay, a few times, into the phone in this really calculating, specific way that she always did when she knew us kids were in trouble before we did. Naturally, it was at this point that we kids knew we were in trouble. For what, though, we didn't know. After a very quiet minivan ride, we get home and my mom says, boys, why don't we go down to the basement?

58:54Your dad wants to show you his gospel practice downstairs. It was then at this point we knew why we were in trouble. So we drag our feet down the stairs and lo and behold, my dad is sitting on the couch, TV on, a stripper's polygonal titties swung stiffly back and forth on screen to En Vogue's My Lovin' with CJ standing mere inches away collecting money. My dad starts in, boys, I don't even know where to begin. This PlayStation was a blessing to you for Christmas, and this is how you repay us? By breaking our trust? He is holding the controller up now, gesticulating with it. Here I am practicing to bring glory to God, but he was cut off as he inadvertently squeezed the controller, causing CJ to punch the stripper.

59:36My entire family stands in silence watching together as the bouncers in the strip club shoot the place up for what seems like an eternity. After the shooting stops and CJ appears in front of the hospital, I look back and see my mom silently weeping into her hand. I look at my dad as a single tear rolls down his cheek and he prays under his breath. After another eternity of silence, without a word, my dad bends down, disconnects the PlayStation, walks back to the family computer, disconnects it, goes to his car and drives away. For the next four months, he kept the PS2 and PC locked in his office at work.

1:00:09It's one of my favorite memories of growing up. I miss my brothers. That's so funny. Also, I was just thinking, the way the title is read is like, where he's like, I made my dad punch a stripper. I was like wanting so badly for him to come home and be like, look what I have to do now. And he like goes and just intentionally does it instead of by accident. I just love the single tear. He's just like, I have offended God. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my God. That's unfortunately just so funny. That's hilarious. I miss my brothers. Comments. All I got from this was you can collect money at the strip club.

1:00:48Never knew that hack. Then again, I had the unlimited money cheat, so no need. Someone said, are you Rod or Todd? Because your dad is Ned Flanders. Yes. 3 ,000 upvotes. Someone said, so what made him give the PS2 back after four months? If I was caught in the GTA strip club, my parents would have taken my PlayStation forever. OP said his coworker probably asked why he has a PS2 in his office and decided he never wanted another person to ask him that again. That's what I choose to believe. I got home from school one day and it was just plugged back in. Oh my gosh. Update. What? What? Yeah, we have an update on this.

1:01:24Oh my god. Okay. I don't know what the update is. Thanks so much for the response. I'm glad I could spread some laughs with this story. I just want to clarify that my parents weren't crazy at all, so no need to insult them. I love them so much, they just got overzealous and dramatic from time to time. I had a really great childhood with two loving and involved parents who tried really, really hard to live and raise our family by their convictions. It just doesn't always work out for everyone involved, like in this case, but it made for a great story that we can all laugh about now. I'm very much an atheist and my parents know it, but we still get along great.

1:01:54Also, my brothers aren't dead. We're all just spread out across the country now. I don't get to see them very much anymore that's all I was a little like wait he wrote I miss my brothers I was like what? it's a Saving Private Ryan moment at the end it's like whoa second update whoa I got my dad GTA and he loves it yeah turns out my dad's a stripper now alright this is a summarized update OP posted a second update that basically going off on the people who called out his parents in the comments and drops this wild insult however However, if you do still feel inclined to let the pee that rolls around your empty head, whose sound you mistake for a competent thought, inform you of some truly transcendent comment in which you consider calling my parents whack jobs and nuts, it says way more about you and your small-mindedness in acting like you know better just because you have an internet connection and a lifetime full of trauma on your own.

1:02:48Wow. I will also say to OP, like, hey, man, don't post on the internet if you can't handle it. I know, but like... I know, but like... But like... If you're going to come in and say, hey, my parents are super religious, you're going to get people hating on them. I know, but that's not his... Like, that shouldn't be his fault. I know it feels like he's defending his parents. I think sometimes in this current era of rage bait is everywhere. I think people think that's what the internet is and that everything is rage bait, and they take that bait every time. It's like, hey, this was just a funny memory to laugh about it, but people don't always come to the internet for that.

1:03:25Right. They go to the internet to be mad. Right. And, yeah. So I think he doesn't need to waste his energy replying to those people. That's what I'm saying. But the post, I'm like, thank you for that. Yeah. It also felt pretty clear in the post that he, like, it wasn't, like, a thing of, like, oh, my parents. It was, like, this really funny thing happened when I was a kid. Absolutely. I'm just saying, like, the internet does this every time. Totally. Like, it's always going to be shitty in response. So maybe he doesn't post that often. Well, that's all our stories. Wow. Yeah. I feel like a better gamer now.

1:04:02Yeah, I think I know a lot more about gaming. I'm better at video games now. I mean, I think I am because now I know that strip club thing for Game of Thrones, that's pretty sick if it still works. When we start playing San Andreas on Smosh Games. But also I think about my brothers too because we played a lot of video games together and that last story was really sweet. Yeah. I miss my brothers. Dude, my brother's, he's cool. He's all right. I talk to him regularly enough. I don't have to say I miss him. Whoa. Well, no, it's like he's, I love the guy. What does he play? Well, he plays a lot of stuff, but the thing that we mostly play now is RuneScape.

1:04:41If we're playing the same game, it's usually RuneScape. That's awesome. My brother's probably playing Hades 2 right now. Dude. So good for him. That sucks really bad for you. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, we have 30 more stories, and we're going to be here for the next 24 hours. You're not far off.

1:05:03All right. Well, thank you both for being here. Thank you. And thank you for listening and watching. And let us know what other categories and types of stories you want to see on this show. And we'll see you next Saturday. Goodbye. Later, gamers. Later.