OOPS, All Updates! | Reading Reddit Stories

6:31Tommy Bowe:Yeah.

6:32Shayne Topp:I mean, would you agree to be in that F1 movie if you had money?

6:37Ian Hecox:Actually, I don't know if it was a bad movie. I think it was apparently an amazing movie.

6:39Tommy Bowe:People really liked it. Was it? Okay. I haven't seen it. No, it was apparently really good. Oh, okay. Every dad is happy with it.

6:44Ian Hecox:Yeah, yeah. It always makes me really sad. Yes, it's heartbreaking. It's heartbreaking. It unfortunately, good scam. Like, people are lonely. That's a way to get them.

6:56Shayne Topp:Oh, yeah.

6:57Ian Hecox:And it really works. I mean, she's so convinced. she's so like wanting to do this for this guy that when her friend calls it out she just stops talking to her yeah um as we know there's gonna be updates so i'm still gonna react like i didn't know there was one yeah yeah so he did visit her that doesn't mean he can't still scam her right like you know like she he visited her a couple times in person but i think a lot of these they

7:22Shayne Topp:i'm surprised that they actually saw each other because like a lot of these are like oh like It's like a young woman in quote-unquote Venezuela reaching out to some 55-year-old man in Ohio being like...

7:38Tommy Bowe:I can't FaceTime.

7:39Shayne Topp:Yeah, yeah. And then being like, oh, I'm in this bad accident or something. Right. So I'm surprised he showed up, which is like, yeah.

7:48Ian Hecox:I think this stuff is happening all the time. We have an article title here. scammer pretending to be Keanu Reeves, Bilks Bay Area woman, out of$160 ,000.

8:00Tommy Bowe:Whoa.

8:00Ian Hecox:Boomers got that money. And they believe anything they see online.

8:04Tommy Bowe:We've learned this. We've learned that.

8:07Ian Hecox:Yeah, I'm wondering with AI how much boomers are getting scammed right now. We're so aft.

8:12Shayne Topp:Just don't trust anybody, guys. Yeah, don't trust anyone. Hey, lesson.

8:16Tommy Bowe:Lesson, don't trust anybody at all. Yeah.

8:18Shayne Topp:Live miserably. Live miserably, be upset. Yeah. Don't trust anyone online.

8:23Ian Hecox:anyone online. But give me$10 ,000. But give Ian$10 ,000.

8:27Shayne Topp:I need it. I need it because my foot hurts. Oh.

8:31Ian Hecox:So James? James?

8:34Shayne Topp:My foot hurt.

8:36Ian Hecox:Some comments here. Not the asshole. That's a classic scam scenario. And in any case, she shouldn't be trying to borrow such a large sum of money from you and your relatives even for herself, much less for a total stranger who sounds nice online. It's a good thing that you warned her. I suppose you might have added links to some reliable sources on scams too, if you had had the chance. Now you can only hope that she comes to a sensible conclusion while isolating herself from you and taking time off work. I hope to think and do research. Someone said, not the asshole. And how do people have the audacity to just ask for$10 ,000 to their friends slash coworkers?

9:09Ian Hecox:Someone said, not the asshole. I worked with a lady that fell for one of these. I even contacted the med school she said he went to and confirmed he was not an alumni and she still wouldn't let it go. Eventually she realized and she later admitted that the Valentine's Day flowers she received at work were actually sent to herself.

9:26Tommy Bowe:Oh, God.

9:28Ian Hecox:Someone said, not the asshole. You can take a thirsty horse to the lake, but you can't force the horse to drink the water it needs. You already did your part. It's up to her to do hers. Yeah. Update.

9:38Shayne Topp:What? What?

9:42Ian Hecox:A few days later. Oh, okay. Those little tiny mice at the bottom of the screen. She's like, she's...

9:49Tommy Bowe:Oh, those little... Wait, what's that in brothers? Yes, thank you, yes.

9:55Ian Hecox:Yeah, someone will get it. All right. She just texted and asked for the money under the guise of her sister needing it. It was a flat no. I feel bad for her. I told other coworkers and my boss about it so they can say no to her and maybe she'll understand from a group perspective that we're trying to protect her. Way to go. Update number two.

10:16Tommy Bowe:What? What?

10:18Ian Hecox:Two and a half weeks after the original post. What we, me and many Redditors, suspected was true. She was in a romance game. She has never met her boyfriend in person. They only talk online. Oh, so she was lying about seeing him in person.

10:31Tommy Bowe:Ah, damn.

10:32Ian Hecox:She said she was lonely and was afraid of being alone. She said her boyfriend stopped contacting her after she couldn't get the money and started asking simple questions like no internet on the rig, satellite phone, etc. After she realized that he was scamming her, she started telling me about how she had been sending him small amounts of money, like$50 to$500, in the past six months to help him out with some small emergencies. When he ghosted her after she couldn't help him with the$10 ,000, that's when she realized that she had been romance scammed. I'm glad that she saw it for what it was.

11:04Tommy Bowe:Well, at least she didn't do the$10 ,000 part. That's true. I dodged the giant bullet bill, not the little ones, but, you know, the big one you got to squat in that little pit for.

11:15Shayne Topp:Yeah. I want another update that was like, Brad Pitt told me I did a great job handling that, and we're going to go to Italy tomorrow, but he said that his card's getting declined. Yeah.

11:26Tommy Bowe:Yeah. Yeah, my friend almost got, you know,$10 ,000 taken away, but Brad Pitt and I are going to France today. Damn. I mean, it all still sucks. It sucks. It's good that she was able to figure it out.

11:39Ian Hecox:Right. I really feel bad for her.

11:42Shayne Topp:A lot of lonely folks out there.

11:44Ian Hecox:It's really sad. I mean, I understand when people are so lonely why they want to believe so bad. Absolutely. We've all found ourselves in places where it's like, and whether it's like believing like, oh, like, I have a crush on this person. Maybe they like me back. And it's like, oh, and then you look back and you're like, no, they never did. Why was I convincing myself of that? Like, we all find ourselves in places where we want to believe in something. But you have to always have a healthy amount of doubt. Yeah. Go, wait, why am I sending$500 to this person?

12:14Tommy Bowe:Yes. You lie to yourself the best. Yeah. I've suspended my disbelief for far too long, plenty of times before.

12:22Ian Hecox:Sure. Today's episode of Reddit Stories is brought to you by ZocDoc. I always forget to schedule my doctor's appointments, especially my biannual cleaning with the dentist. Life happens, and it's easy to get sidetracked. but ZocDoc makes it easy to find the right doctor right now. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. I love that you can filter for doctors who take your insurance and are nearby. With ZocDoc, I can find someone who is near the Smosh office so that after filming all day, I can easily pop over to my appointments.

12:54Ian Hecox:I can choose a time slot that works best for my schedule and with a click, book instantly. My teeth are going to be glistening after this appointment. But truly, I had pushed off so many doctor's appointments before I downloaded ZocDoc, and I was amazed at how simple it was. I had all my doctor's appointments planned within weeks. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash PitReddit to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash PitReddit. ZocDoc.com slash PitReddit. Back to the show. Our next story. Am I the asshole for telling my heavily pregnant friend her fiance was in a documentary?

13:38Ian Hecox:So this was posted only two weeks ago as of today. Okay, it's currently 4 a.m. and I feel so guilty right now I can't sleep. So myself and a few girlfriends decided to watch a documentary that's been trending. Not going to lie, I was expecting a documentary showing a human side of a certain person. But yeah, as anyone who has watched the documentary knows what it was. So the documentary that OP is referring to was the 1 ,000 Men and Me, the Bonnie Blue story where an OnlyFans adult content creator, Bonnie Blue, had sex with 1 ,057 men in 12 hours. The event was fully recorded and the footage is shown in the documentary.

14:18Shayne Topp:On to the issue. My friend's fiance was one of the 1 ,000.

14:22Ian Hecox:I wasn't the first person to notice. Two other friends were the first to notice. I didn't believe it at first, but with a second watch, it was definitely him. Even though his face was covered, the body shape and especially the tattoos were undeniable. We debated till the early hours of the morning if we should tell her or wait because she's eight months pregnant. But in my opinion, if someone cheats like that, it's not their first time. And I'd rather lose her friendship for telling straight away than her finding out I knew and hid it. Because let's be real, when you tell someone news like that, there's a huge chance they'll hate you, not the cheater.

14:55Ian Hecox:So this Sunday morning, I asked my friends to meet up to talk. I showed her the evidence, and the minute she looked at the picture, she knew it was him and broke down. I expected her to be angry at me, but she thanked me for being honest, as multiple people have hinted that she should watch the documentary instead of being up front like I was.

15:12Shayne Topp:Oh. No. Oh, jeez. Wait, wait. Why can't you just try just telling her first? No, don't tell her. Let her watch her husband have sex with him first. Hey, you should check this out. That is, that is, that is. Come on.

15:27Ian Hecox:So messed up. That's making an excuse for your cowardice. Right. It's like. Right.

15:31Shayne Topp:I mean, like, I think it was right for her to tell her friend, obviously. It was right for her to tell her friend.

15:38Ian Hecox:Absolutely. Yes. Tell. We don't need to. That's one of those things where maybe tell, don't show. I think it's, I agree, because I think there's many situations where it's like, oh, there was video of your boyfriend at the club making out with someone. It's like, oh, show her the evidence and stuff. It's like, no, you can just tell her. She doesn't need to watch that shit. Yeah. And then if she doesn't believe you, then if you need to. Then if you go, look, it's there, but you probably don't want to see it.

16:01Shayne Topp:Or worst case scenario, just take a screenshot that's like of him

16:05Tommy Bowe:that doesn't show like the full action.

16:08Shayne Topp:Stuff going on. Sure. Like be like, okay, trust me, there's no other video, there's no other content with this guy being naked. Right. I don't know. Ugh, ugh. But also I'm like, I'm like did they have a documentary crew filming the porn crew? Probably. I have so many questions.

16:26Ian Hecox:Probably. Did they green light the documentary Probably a lot of layers to it. Side by side with Wow. I ended up driving her to her mom's house. I'm guessing she told her fiance I told her because he has been blowing up my phone calling me an evil little home wrecker who ruined not only his life and calling me out on social media for trying to ruin his relationship and wanting his unborn daughter to grow up without a dad. My friends are angry with me for telling her straight away and not waiting till she had the baby in case the stress would cause issues to her health. I don't give two shits if I'm being honest about her fiance, but I feel so bad for putting my friend in this situation while heavily pregnant and I'm worried if something does happen to her, it will be my fault.

17:06Ian Hecox:Maybe she would have watched it herself and found out on her own. Am I the asshole for telling my pregnant friend her fiance was in a documentary? Okay.

17:14Tommy Bowe:Well, there's no right time to accomplish this. There's no right time.

17:17Ian Hecox:I would also assume with something like that, there's been a lot of discourse about this on TikTok and Reddit and all over.

17:24Tommy Bowe:The documentary itself.

17:25Ian Hecox:The documentary itself. I assume, you have to assume she's going to find out, right? This isn't like, oh, I saw your husband or your fiance at a restaurant and they were by themselves. Like, oh, maybe nobody else is going to know about this. This is a widely known documentary.

17:41Shayne Topp:There's a published work out there. yeah and like you know somebody's going for a record and you're gonna be like oh I'm gonna do this on the sly and no one's going to find out oh there's two crews filming it

17:58Ian Hecox:there's noticeable tattoos yeah

18:01Shayne Topp:come on man

18:02Ian Hecox:and he's acting like she's the one who ruined it you made a choice man you sat there you probably waited for hours that day like yeah line out the door You probably had eight hours to sit there and go, what am I doing? Right. But you never stopped.

18:20Tommy Bowe:When they said that this obviously isn't his first time, that's so true.

18:24Shayne Topp:Oh, my God. You're not going to start there. Yeah. I feel like I want to see a documentary of those thousand guys and just get their thought process on what they were thinking.

18:37Ian Hecox:I think a fair thing to say regarding cheating in general is that you are also putting your partner at risk in a health way. Especially this, because it is effectively sleeping with a thousand people.

18:49Tommy Bowe:Did they use protection?

18:51Ian Hecox:I don't know.

18:51Tommy Bowe:Yeah, I haven't seen the documentary.

18:53Ian Hecox:But it doesn't really matter to me. You sleep with one person, you sleep with one person, you don't know what... What they've done. Yeah, because he's sleeping with strangers, so he doesn't know the situation. And his wife is pregnant. I understand. So they bring up a concern that's valid of being concerned about her health because she's eight months pregnant. Her husband is not considering, or her fiance is not considering her health. There's some context from the comments. OP says, our friend group is afraid that the stress would harm her as she has had issues during the pregnancy and suffers from panic attacks.

19:28Ian Hecox:If anything were to happen to her or the baby, I'd never forgive myself. I understand that. I think that's valid. I also agree that, like, it's like there's no good time.

19:38Tommy Bowe:There's no good time. I don't know.

19:39Ian Hecox:I don't think, like, waiting for the baby to be born, that feels also messed up.

19:44Shayne Topp:But I feel like there could have been a better way to, like, relay the information to her rather than just, like, here's the video.

19:53Ian Hecox:Well, she didn't show her the video.

19:56Shayne Topp:Oh, she didn't?

19:57Ian Hecox:Oh, I thought she did. No. No, so OP told her straight away. Her friends were saying, no, you should have just had her watch the video.

20:05Tommy Bowe:Oh. Yeah, the friends were like, you should watch the video.

20:07Ian Hecox:OP said, no, I want to just tell her. Oh, good, good, good, good. So no, as far as we know, she showed her the evidence. So she showed her a picture. Yeah. She looked at the picture. She knew it was him and broke down. So there's a picture. Okay. But not watching more.

20:22Shayne Topp:But I, yeah. I don't know. That's a tough, that's a tough thing. It's messy. This is a horrible situation.

20:30Ian Hecox:But to be clear, he's the one who made this situation. Yeah. She's now burdened with the knowledge. And I can't really fault someone for being like, I'm going to immediately go and tell you. We've read so many stories and our takeaways so many times with knowledge of cheaters. It's like, yeah, go tell them right off the bat. That's really, that's your friend. like yeah

20:55Shayne Topp:and he puts and he puts I mean he puts the wife at risk he puts the baby at risk like I don't know if they use protection during all that stuff but like sleeping with somebody that's sleeping with that many people potentially getting something that you could give to the wife and the baby like when the baby's delivered like that's that's just like not good not smart no

21:21Ian Hecox:OP left a comment saying They got engaged on Christmas Day, and my friend would have found out around January she was pregnant. She didn't tell us until she was three months pregnant. Okay. Someone said, just to be clear, since the OP wasn't, the dude was in a porn video banging a random chick with 999 other guys, apparently while already with his fiancée. I'm pretty sure this is cut and dry. Someone said, so apparently many people in her circle have seen this and recognized the jerk, all keeping silent and maybe hinting she watched. How would her watching and suddenly seeing her baby's father be part of this disgusting freak show have been less stressful?

21:55Ian Hecox:You are not the asshole. You had the courage to tell her what so many others were whispering behind her back. It's true that like many others, she may decide to stay. Even if that happens and she pulls away from you, you still did the right thing.

22:08Shayne Topp:Yeah, watching and being blindsided by that, you're watching.

22:12Ian Hecox:That would be crazy. Like, oh my God. That would be harder to deal with.

22:16Tommy Bowe:Yeah.

22:17Ian Hecox:Oh my God. You want to know.

22:19Tommy Bowe:Yeah.

22:19Ian Hecox:Someone said, I'm six months pregnant and I would want to know. Someone said, not the asshole. He hid his face and didn't tell her because he knew he shouldn't do it. He's facing the consequences of his choices. I guess men were wearing ski masks to help obscure their identities in this. Who wants to watch that? Yeah. I mean, hey. I don't know.

22:39Tommy Bowe:You're pregnant. Wouldn't you want to know?

22:41Ian Hecox:That's true.

22:43Tommy Bowe:Yes. There you go. There you go.

22:47Shayne Topp:You heard it here, folks. I would love to know for the sake of my child and... Our child. Sorry, our child. I'm so sorry. Yeah, I forget.

22:57Ian Hecox:Lastly, someone said, he not only cheated, he did it in the most hideous way. What sort of STDs has he brought to his fiancee, an unborn child? You are not the asshole. His behavior is particularly disgraceful given the way he's gone straight to offense and blaming you to deflect from what he's done. I hope she doesn't take him back.

23:14Shayne Topp:Yeah, I don't know the logistics,

23:16Ian Hecox:but I don't think there's a safe way that that happens. Like that's a thousand people. It's not foolproof. That's for sure. It's really, yeah. Something could slip through.

23:27Shayne Topp:That's just about the most heinous way to cheat on somebody. That's the type of cheating that I would think many people who cheat would go, oh, well, I'm not doing that. Well, I'm not crazy. It's the Godzilla of cheating. They're like, how dare you at least just find a motel and bang your secretary. I'm a man of class. We've all heard about this video. Yeah. Right? I have heard about this, yes.

23:50Tommy Bowe:Yeah, Guinness was there.

23:51Shayne Topp:We're all men of culture. The Guinness person was there like, oh. He's like, Jesus Christ. This one doesn't count. Yeah. It is funny. Watch Challenge Mint.

24:00Ian Hecox:They're there too.

24:02Shayne Topp:There's like a Guinness World Records dispatch center. They're like, okay, you're going to go to Smosh for this. And Jerry, you're going to the giant orgy. Yeah. He's like, yay. I thought they would give me the most rubber bands on an arm.

24:17Ian Hecox:Yeah. I'm in Iowa for biggest corn. Well, this corn here is pretty big.

24:27Wait.

24:28Ian Hecox:Yeah. What?

24:30Tommy Bowe:There's an update, isn't there?

24:32Ian Hecox:Update. Oh, my God. 1 ,000 updates. Bonnie Blue weighs in.

24:39Shayne Topp:It wasn't me. It wasn't me. It wasn't me. It wasn't me.

24:42Ian Hecox:What I like about this story is that we're judging him. I feel like a lot of discourse I saw was focused on judging the woman in that video. But I'm like, it's a thousand guys. I'm like, what are they thinking? What are they doing here?

24:55Tommy Bowe:Let's look at that as well.

24:56Ian Hecox:Update the next day. My friend's fiance wasn't the only one of our partners to do the lineup.

25:03Shayne Topp:Oh, no. Yes. Yes. Do they all just live in the same town? She's British, right? Is this in the UK? I don't know.

25:13Ian Hecox:I don't know. I don't know.

25:15Shayne Topp:Oh. Yeah, I mean, it's a small island, you know. Everyone knows everyone. It's a small world ride at Disney, except it's horrific to look at.

25:24Ian Hecox:Guys, get ready. Okay. OP writes, my boyfriend of three years was one. Let's go! All right! Do you think they carpooled?

25:38Shayne Topp:so was another

25:39Ian Hecox:so was another friend's husband

25:41Shayne Topp:stop

25:43Ian Hecox:what are we doing guys this is awful these guys are idiots oh no I don't want to see the sex I want to see like the drive home yeah where they're just all in the Jetta just like

25:55Shayne Topp:yeah I like it's either that or none of them knew they were going to be there and they see each other in the ski mask they're like

26:03Tommy Bowe:Jerry Steven do you want to go Don't you have a wife? Don't you have a wife? God. What happens at the sexcation stays at the sexcation.

26:14Ian Hecox:Two hours ago, he, OP's friend's fiance, posted screenshots of a group chat and photographic receipts no one could deny. Other men in relationships are involved. He said in the caption, I wasn't the only one there. Tags me. Maybe check your man before coming for my relationship. Tags five other women. I'm not taking the blame alone and being seen as the bad guy while Tags the Men did the same there was a lot more said but I stopped reading and just deleted my social media account and then blocked my now ex I don't want to hear his explanation I feel so humiliated and physically sick I don't know how I'm going to face the co-workers or clients at work tomorrow I wish I could just disappear my phone is going crazy so I'm going to turn it off go take a long shower then see if I can get any sleep for what I'm sure will be a hell tomorrow aww

27:01Shayne Topp:Dude, he really said, if I'm going down, I'm taking everyone down with me. That's wild.

27:07Tommy Bowe:But then it's like, well, good. I'm glad she initially said something because she's, you know, she got to end up, like, clearing out all the mines of the minefield.

27:16Ian Hecox:No, she can't be like, I don't think she's upset that this all transpired, that this domino effect happened.

27:21Tommy Bowe:I'm just like, well, I'm glad she did because now it's all out in the open.

27:24Ian Hecox:But it is humiliating as fuck.

27:26Tommy Bowe:Oh, of course. Of course.

27:28Ian Hecox:It really is the Godzilla of cheating. It's the Godzilla. Because you're not only, you're cheating in such a public way that it's like, yeah, everyone's going to know about this. They're going to know I'm dating someone who did this without me knowing. And like, all right, dude, cool.

27:44Shayne Topp:They should have had like a ski mask for like their whole body, you know? Ski body. Ski body. Ski body. Skibity toilet. What's it called?

27:54Ian Hecox:The morph suits? Yeah. They're morph suits. But just their penis is out.

27:58Shayne Topp:A thousand guys in morph suits and their just wieners are out. Sorry, sorry. It's a funny image. One mummy. And one ninja. Yeah. Okay. If they all had Halloween costumes on, I might watch it. That would be fun.

28:15Tommy Bowe:Because it's like, oh, who's next?

28:16Shayne Topp:SpongeBob. God. And his nose, never mind.

28:21Tommy Bowe:Oh.

28:21Shayne Topp:It's just so, what a, okay.

28:23Tommy Bowe:Okay, may I say, horrible update.

28:27Ian Hecox:Horrible update.

28:27Tommy Bowe:Can I just say absolutely horrible update?

28:30Ian Hecox:You, man. One of the worst? Sometimes you get updates where it takes a real nice turn for the hobby. I know, and that's what I love updates for. Man, there's those ones where the updates get worse and worse, where we get more and more reveals. Yeah. Damn.

28:42Shayne Topp:Is that where Five Guys Burgers and Fries got their name?

28:46Ian Hecox:That was a bad joke. That was a stupid joke. Five burgers, one burger, five guys.

28:55Ian Hecox:Hey, we got there again.

28:56Tommy Bowe:He figured it out. We got there.

28:58Ian Hecox:Comments. Honestly, he thought he was getting revenge when in reality he did all those women a big favor by exposing the rest of them. Gotta love it when the trash takes itself out. Someone said, what a wild ride. I think OOP did the right thing by deleting her social media and taking time to herself. But what a horrible, horrible human being is this guy. I don't really know what to say. These guys. Asterix.

29:18Shayne Topp:Yeah.

29:19Ian Hecox:Someone said, radical concept. If you are in a committed, monogamous relationship with a person, don't sleep with other people. It's not that hard. Jesus fucking Christ. Bonus tip, don't film it. Someone said, someone said, I have never had an update knock me out of my chair this hard. Right.

29:35Tommy Bowe:Yeah.

29:35Ian Hecox:Yeah. OP, it's strange to read a story where OP is not the subject matter. They're like, this is happening to my friend. And then they get dragged into it. Except it's me too. Oh, it's actually just as much me. These guys suck horribly. Wow. These are awful dudes.

29:51Tommy Bowe:Yeah.

29:52Ian Hecox:Glad they got exposed. I don't know. Where did they find it? It sucks. There's not really like any silver lining really out of this one.

30:00Shayne Topp:I'm like, where did they find all these men? L.A. casting. Yeah. Yeah.

30:06Ian Hecox:It's a thought I don't want to think too much. It's just how many men were cheating on partners on that day. Yes. That's an aspect that I'm like, oh, my God.

30:17Tommy Bowe:Right. Yeah, because we know it's got to be more than these five guys.

30:20Shayne Topp:And you know, like when they casted for that, they didn't care about it. They don't care about it anymore.

30:24Tommy Bowe:Like, they're reaching a number, not a quality thing. How big was that crafty table? A thousand guys? I feel like it was less of a production than you're imagining it being.

30:33Ian Hecox:I highly doubt.

30:33Tommy Bowe:I don't think they had sun chips on a table.

30:36Shayne Topp:I'm imagining they needed, like, a whole, like, Universal Studios soundstage. They rent out CBS for it. Yeah, they, like, flew people in.

30:45Tommy Bowe:Steven Spielberg's like, let's take it again. He's got the rig.

30:48Shayne Topp:He's moving around. Yeah, you need, like, military-level, like, logistics to pull this off, I feel. Like, how do you feed a thousand people? That's like, it's a problem the Romans had, you know? Very true.

31:00Ian Hecox:I'm imagining the visual of like waiting in line for Santa. Oh, no. That's so funny.

31:08Shayne Topp:Like, you're just in the spiral. Yeah. Oh, it's awful.

31:15Ian Hecox:I am so sorry, OP. Yeah. There's nothing to say to that one. There isn't. Sometimes we read stories and we're just like, Damn. I'm sorry.

31:26Shayne Topp:I'm sorry to, well, aside from the men in this story, I'm sorry to everyone involved in this.

31:32Ian Hecox:It makes me, this all just makes me feel bad. Yeah. Yes. Yep. Back to the show. Our next story. I got fired from Walmart and never worked there.

31:41Tommy Bowe:That's cool. What does that mean?

31:43Ian Hecox:So this comes from a subreddit that I've checked out before called I Don't Work Here Lady. Awesome. This happens a lot where people assume people work somewhere.

31:52Shayne Topp:Yeah, you go to Target in a red shirt. Yep.

31:54Ian Hecox:And so people just fuck with people in those situations. About a year ago, I worked selling solar panel systems. This job required me to wear khakis and a blue polo when I was meeting customers. One particular day after meeting with a homeowner, I had to stop by my local Walmart to get more pens and a notepad for my work bag. I pretty consistently got asked if I worked there by other customers, and I would help if I knew what they were after. But I always told them that I didn't work there, and they were always kind. So this fateful day, I grabbed my pens and paper and checked out in the self-checkout section.

32:23Ian Hecox:As I was leaving, I heard someone say behind me, And just where do you think you're going? Now, a little about me. I try to mind my own business as much as possible and don't like to get wrapped up in other people's drama. When I hear outbursts like that in public, I assume it's not because of me. I also try to follow the rules as much as possible. In this case, I assumed it wasn't me because I paid for everything, so I continued to my car. Roughly 30 feet from my car, I hear again, Hey, you, stop! I do turn around at that one because that's typically what you say to a thief. An employee who can only be described as a Karen is marching towards me.

32:57Ian Hecox:Eight different kinds of pissed off. She starts reaming into me about how I'm abandoning my shift and I'm not supposed to get off for another three hours. I'm standing there bewildered because I genuinely have no clue what she's talking about. I try to let her know I don't work there, but she won't let me get a word in. Eventually she says, forget it, you're fired. I waited about five seconds and told her, I don't work here. I've never worked here. She stared at me and muttered, sorry, and ran back inside.

33:24Shayne Topp:That's awesome. That's awesome. I didn't think she'd actually apologize. I love that.

33:29Ian Hecox:I'm still not sure what happened, but that's my tale of being fired from a job I never worked at. Hope it brought you some joy.

33:35Shayne Topp:That's awesome. That's so incredible. I love that she apologized. Sorry. Sorry.

33:41Ian Hecox:Sorry.

33:43Shayne Topp:It's like, have you seen like the Watch People Die Inside subreddit?

33:47Ian Hecox:Oh, yeah. Watch People Die Inside is great. I feel like that's like definitely one of those moments. Very much. Do you think if you ended up in that situation, I think all of us know, we'd probably be similar.

33:56Tommy Bowe:Yeah.

33:57Ian Hecox:Right? Yeah. None of us would be the types that would, I think, I could see Arasha playing into it.

34:02Tommy Bowe:Oh, Chico should just be like, no, really, you're firing me? But I need this job.

34:08Ian Hecox:No, I'll show up tomorrow.

34:09Tommy Bowe:Can I get my last paycheck at least?

34:11Ian Hecox:Yeah. Yeah. Think about that.

34:13Tommy Bowe:In cash.

34:15Ian Hecox:You're firing me, then I demand severance. There you go. On Apple TV. See what you can get, sweeten the deal.

34:20Shayne Topp:Can you collect unemployment if you get fired from a job that you never worked?

34:24Ian Hecox:Gotta show proof, probably. Comments. I kind of wish OOP went back and asked for severance and the unemployment documentation. That would have been hilarious. Hello? Someone said, if she had the powers to fire someone, even if they don't work there, that means she's some kind of supervisor or manager? How shitty of a manager are you that you don't even know who your employees are? You'd think she'd at least know their faces, if not their fucking names. Someone said, I worked at Walmart for two weeks until I found a better job. Managers didn't know who many of their employees were due to high turnover.

34:55Tommy Bowe:Yeah, I believe that.

34:56Ian Hecox:I think when I got hired, there were 40 new employees. When I left about two weeks later, another 30 to 40 were hired and on the floor. Unless someone was there long term, they had no idea who worked there.

35:07Shayne Topp:Yeah.

35:07Ian Hecox:Whoa.

35:08Shayne Topp:Yeah, I believe that. I figured that's probably why she chased after him because, like, the turnover at Walmart must be nuts. And it's a big building.

35:16Ian Hecox:Yeah. I thought I heard once that Amazon's turnover was so insane that they're, like, running out of people.

35:22Shayne Topp:I believe that.

35:23Ian Hecox:Like, they're running out of new people to hire? There's nobody to hire because we have run through everyone.

35:28Tommy Bowe:God, hopefully that teaches them a lesson on workplace safety and stuff. It won't. No, of course not.

35:33Ian Hecox:No, it won't. Tommy? It simply won't. Five million people won Amazon.

35:43Ian Hecox:Jesus Christ.

35:44Shayne Topp:Did you know your husband worked at Amazon?

35:45Ian Hecox:Did you know your husband worked at Amazon with other people?

35:48Shayne Topp:There's a ring doorbell photo of him delivering a box. So that's where that is. Yeah. Funny.

35:54Ian Hecox:Wait. Update. What? Three years later.

35:59Shayne Topp:Stop it. What do we think happened? I think he's her boss now at Walmart. I think he, in spite, he got a job. He got a job at Walmart, at a different Walmart, became a regional manager. Transferred. Transferred. And then fired her ass.

36:17Ian Hecox:Fired her. That's pretty good.

36:19Tommy Bowe:I'm thinking they ran into each other, and now they're married.

36:24Ian Hecox:That'd be cool.

36:25Tommy Bowe:Married a Karen. Wait, stop! Walmart Karen. I love you. I love you. Stop, thief! You have violated the law of my heart. Sorry, it's oblivion. Sorry.

36:36Ian Hecox:This first sentence. I've been banned from that Walmart. What? The manager in that story apparently has a memory like an elephant. Kind of looks like one, too.

36:50Shayne Topp:Boom! Boom!

36:52Ian Hecox:Boom! That could mean so many things.

36:56Shayne Topp:She's got a huge nose that goes all the way down, and she drinks water through it.

37:00Ian Hecox:Like, elephant is such a, that's such a descriptor. Kind of looks like one, too, and is still working there today. I went in to pick up a couple things and return one thing for my wife. I'm waiting in the return line, and the person in front of me is having some issue with the return, so the employee helping them calls for a manager. It's the same lady. Recognized her immediately, and as it turns out, she recognized me, kind of. She points at me and tells me I'm not allowed to shop at this Walmart, and if I don't leave, she'll call the police. I asked why I was banned. She said she didn't remember, but she knew I was, so I left.

37:32Ian Hecox:My wife and I have been cackling over this for a couple days and thought you'd find it funny as hell.

37:37Tommy Bowe:So this person's just making decisions based on nothing.

37:41Ian Hecox:This person's out of their mind. Right. Typical manager behavior.

37:44Shayne Topp:Hey. Yeah. This is definitely striking me as somebody that's just like power trips.

37:50Ian Hecox:Oh, yeah. 100%.

37:51Shayne Topp:And probably explains why they're still probably working the same position at the Walmart and they haven't gone up. Yeah.

37:59Tommy Bowe:That the turnover is partially because of her. Yeah.

38:02Ian Hecox:Yeah, yeah, probably, yeah. Comments, contact Walmart corporate and inform them that she is harassing you and banned you because she was embarrassed for harassing a customer. He shows up to Walmart corporate in a suit and they're like, yeah, okay, so come on in. You have a meeting.

38:17Tommy Bowe:Yeah, we're at the board. You come and sit at the board.

38:19Ian Hecox:He's like, I don't have anything prepared. And they're like, you're fucking fired, dude.

38:24Tommy Bowe:I like that that comment was basically, can you out Karen the Karen?

38:27Ian Hecox:Yeah.

38:28Tommy Bowe:Can you go to corporate?

38:30Ian Hecox:Someone said, hello, So, former loss prevention for Walmart here. If they didn't give you paperwork saying you are banned, you are not banned. Walmart can't ban you just by saying you are banned. There is a process that must be followed. Cops must be involved in order for them to legally ban you. Per Walmart loss prevention rules. Most of the time, only people who have been caught stealing get banned. I suggest calling corporate and asking for the market asset protection manager. Complain about this manager. Wow. Okay. Okay, yeah. Great.

38:57Shayne Topp:But you can refuse service to anybody in a private business.

39:03Ian Hecox:Right. It's just that she said the wording, you've been banned.

39:07Shayne Topp:Right. But if she just said, like, get out of here. Get out of here. Get out of here. Right.

39:14Ian Hecox:Someone said, I've been banned from Walmart for smoking and drinking in the parking lot years ago. I still regularly shop there. Update number two. That's crazy.

39:26Shayne Topp:Okay.

39:26Ian Hecox:Two years later after that. So five years later. Short version to catch people up. I was fired from a Walmart that I didn't work at by a power tripping manager because I apparently looked like someone who worked there. The final update is that recently my family moved to a new neighborhood around the corner from the Walmart. After meeting the new neighbors, I found out one worked at this Walmart. I told her the story because I still think it's hilarious. And she let me know that that manager, let's call her Gertrude, was arrested and fired. Old Gertie apparently had a history of arbitrarily banning people like she did to me, but nobody really ever complained, so nothing ever got done.

40:05Ian Hecox:She was just shifted from department to department. One day last year, she got a little too aggressive with an off-duty cop. The cop tried to forcefully remove her from the store, which inevitably led to Gertrude punching the cop. She was arrested and finally fired. My neighbor and most of her coworkers have rejoiced. Karma can be a beautiful thing. Once again, when it comes to karma being brought up, this wasn't karma. It was she was doing shit and finally had consequences for it.

40:35Shayne Topp:This is fuck around, find out. Yeah. Right. Yeah, she entered the find out phase. Yeah, she found out.

40:41Ian Hecox:Absolutely. If that's karma to people, then that's karma. But you punch a cop.

40:45Shayne Topp:You'll get arrested probably. Yeah. You've like, yeah, you've paired somebody that's probably power tripping against somebody else. Someone's going to be power tripping. She met her match. Yeah, it's the Karen final boss.

40:58Tommy Bowe:Yeah. God. I mean, that was a pretty good update. Yeah. I liked that update. I feel satisfied. I feel good. Like, I ate a snack.

41:08Ian Hecox:Yeah. She's very funny as a fictional character. Absolutely. Just banning people. That's so funny. Yeah, you're banned. You're banned. I'm sorry, you're banned.

41:17Shayne Topp:And the fact that everyone was just like, oh, I guess she banned another person.

41:21Ian Hecox:Everyone just went on the premise of like, yeah, she can do that. I guess she can do that. Yeah, she's the manager. She can ban me. She got arrested. She got arrested. I mean, you punched a cop, so. Yeah, yeah. And she did it inside the Walmart. It's like, you're going to, you know. Sorry, Gertie.

41:36Shayne Topp:Yeah, you got to learn to take it outside.

41:38Ian Hecox:Yeah.

41:38Shayne Topp:Then it's not illegal.

41:39Ian Hecox:Right. They say that. They say that. Our next story comes from the subreddit relationships, and this was posted 10 years ago. Wow. The original post.

41:49Tommy Bowe:Our oldest Reddit story, I claim.

41:52Ian Hecox:I think 2015's about as old as we've gone. But Reddit's been around since like 2006, so there's some old shit on there. Me, 24-year-old woman, with my SO, 27-year-old man, of one year. He destroyed a sentimental item of mine and sees nothing wrong with it because of the circumstances. Me, 24-year-old female, SO, 27 male, let's call him Eugene. my sister, female, deceased two years, let's call her Carrie

42:22Shayne Topp:oh, it just got sad

42:23Ian Hecox:background about my sister two years ago, my sister was killed in a car accident she was riding with a friend to the mall the friend's parent was driving and a teenage boy plowed through a red light while texting on his phone and hit the car with my sister Carrie was in Carrie was killed instantly and her friend June was in a coma for three weeks before her parents took her off life support when Carrie passed, I was devastated and angry and just not in a good place Carrie and I had been extremely close. Despite a seven-year age gap between us, we enjoyed a lot of the same shows. We went to concerts together.

42:54Ian Hecox:We volunteered together. And I took it upon myself to guide Carrie like any big sister would do. Our parents were extremely busy with work most days, and Carrie and I would often cook together and do crafts when we weren't too busy with schoolwork. Carrie wanted to be a NICU nurse when she grew up, and I helped her find a volunteer position at a local hospital to help her gain some experience being around patients. In short, Carrie was my sister and best friend, and when she passed, I was a mess. The last craft Carrie and I made together was a set of candles. We both bought the wax at a local craft store and we both made each other a candle and decorated the jar it was in.

43:27Ian Hecox:That was the day before she was killed. At her funeral, Carrie was buried with the candle I made her. The candle Carrie made me sits on my desk next to my favorite picture of her and I together at the beach. Or it did, until last week. Background about my boyfriend. I met my boyfriend about a year and a half ago, about six months after Carrie passed. I wasn't looking for a relationship. I was still grieving my sister's death, but Eugene came along and it was love at first sight. He was extremely supportive, let me cry on him when I needed to, didn't push me into getting over grieving or anything.

43:58Ian Hecox:He was extremely gentlemanly about everything and very, very patient. After six months of seeing each other pretty regularly, we made it official. Eugene came into my life at a very low point and he has always been very respectful of sentiments I keep from my sister. Never asking me to take them down, always giving me space when I needed to cry. Eugene, along with most, if not all, of my friends and family know about Carrie's candle. There was a point after she died where I would take the candle with me everywhere out of fear that someone might light it or steal it or who knows what. The point is that candle was and still is a very important part of my life and something that my sister made for me and me alone.

44:33Ian Hecox:When Eugene and I moved in together about four months ago, I packed away most of the reminders of my sister and put out the candle and picture on my desk. I felt that this was a huge step because when I'd lived just by myself, I had pictures everywhere and a few knickknacks laying around from my sister. I wanted to make Eugene and I's home our home with just a small part of my sister there. Eugene understood and was very supportive. The issue. Last week, we had a massive winter storm that knocked out power. We didn't have power for three plus days. The power was knocked out at Eugene and I's house while I was at work, which did not lose power.

45:06Ian Hecox:Eugene texted me that he was going to light some candles and try to get a generator so we could have some power or at least be able to charge our phone slash use lights slash et cetera. Now, we probably have 30 plus candles in our house. I am a huge fan of sales. When Bath and Body Works has a candle sale, I like to stock up and get a range of scents. We have candles scattered all over our house. This is a 10-year-old story.

45:27Shayne Topp:Bath and Body Works? Yeah, I know. It's still around.

45:30Ian Hecox:In the room where my desk is, there are no candles aside from the one Carrie made me. None at all, and there never has been. This room is also downstairs where Eugene doesn't spend a lot of time. His desk is upstairs. When I arrived home from work last week, I noticed a bunch of candles burning in our living room, safely, always monitored, and not near anything that could ignite. One of these candles was the candle that Carrie had made me. I burst into tears, and when Eugene heard me crying, he came out from the bedroom, where he was lighting more candles, and asked what was wrong. I was a wreck and couldn't get any words out.

46:02Ian Hecox:When he tried to calm me down, I shoved past him and locked myself in the room where my desk was and just cried. I don't know how he could be so stupid. I thought he understood how sentimental the candle was And how much I cherished having a candle That my now deceased sister Had spent time making with me Just a day before she was killed I haven't been able to speak to Eugene since it happened Tuesday of last week He has tried to explain why he did it Because he needed candles to be able to see But I just can't wrap my head around it He hadn't gotten to the large candle stash I have upstairs right by the living room But went downstairs out of the way To grab the most sentimental cherished item I have The candle was burning most of the day while I was at work and is now melted and pretty much gone.

46:42Ian Hecox:I do still have the jar it was in, but I can't look at it without bursting into tears. Reddit, what do I do? Eugene says it was an accident, but I just don't believe that. He said he was getting around to lighting the candle surplus we have upstairs, but just hadn't gotten there yet. After being home six hours alone with no power, I am heartbroken and feel like this is a major slap in the face. I feel disrespected. I feel like he disrespected my sister. I just don't know what to do. I just don't feel like I can forgive him for this. Can or should I try to work past this? Oof.

47:12Shayne Topp:Wow. That's so sad. That's so sad.

47:17Ian Hecox:Yeah.

47:18Shayne Topp:This episode is a frigging roller coaster, man. I know.

47:22Ian Hecox:Updates always have a lot. I understand that she may not be able to get past that. And, like, I understand, like, oh, like, we can all be forgetful and stuff. It's like, that's a pretty intense one. Yeah. Like, that's not.

47:36Tommy Bowe:And it seems like that was like her big one. That was like her big single thing.

47:41Ian Hecox:That's not like, oh, my mom got me a candle for my birthday. It's like, oh, I lit that. It's like, oh, my mom got that for my birthday. It's like, oh, sorry, I didn't realize it was that important to you.

47:50Shayne Topp:I would bet money that he completely forgot the significance of that candle.

47:56Tommy Bowe:Oh, of course. Otherwise he wouldn't have done that.

47:58Shayne Topp:And that he just thought it was like a memorial candle to be next to the photo. Not that I'm like defending him. No, no, no.

48:06Tommy Bowe:It's like he's either the devil, pure evil, or he's a dumbass and didn't register that this is very sentimental.

48:15Ian Hecox:Yeah, but they've been together for years and they're moving in together. Exactly. And it's like he has heard this story.

48:20Shayne Topp:Maybe in the beginning.

48:23Ian Hecox:That's a story that if you've forgotten, like, oof, like this is your person you're moving in with. Like, damn. I give people a pass on forgetting things all the time, right? Like, we're all forgetful. But this one, I mean, holy shit. Yeah. Anything to do with grief. Like, it's like, you got to take that so seriously.

48:46Shayne Topp:Yeah.

48:46Ian Hecox:And if he truly did forget, I mean, man, you got to be so apologetic. You got to, you are going to have to pull out all the stops to show her that this was an accident. You cannot play this off.

48:58Shayne Topp:Yeah, instead he diminished it. He totally did. He's like, I'm sorry.

49:02Tommy Bowe:Yeah. Yeah, he...

49:04Shayne Topp:He just said, I needed candles to see. Yeah, it's like, okay. It sounded like they have a bajillion candles.

49:10Tommy Bowe:It sounds like you can't walk in this house without tripping over a candle. Yeah, they don't live in a cave.

49:14Ian Hecox:Yeah, so she said they have a candle stash.

49:17Shayne Topp:Yeah.

49:18Ian Hecox:It's like...

49:18Shayne Topp:Well, she said she walked in with candles lit, and he came from the other room having just lit other candles. I'm like, how many candles have to be in this house?

49:26Ian Hecox:Also, she's saying we're doing it safely. It's like, well, you have candles in different rooms. You need to be in the room with the candle, I think. Like, you need to be... Usually. Usually.

49:34Tommy Bowe:Yeah, you do that.

49:35Ian Hecox:For the most part. Comments. I would say this is an accident, except he clearly grabbed a bunch of candles and carries candle as well. He knew it had significance to you. Yeesh, I don't know. This is a weird one. I'm a very forgetful guy myself, I'll admit, but if you had told me all of this history about the candle, I mean, there is not any way you should forget that candle as a boyfriend or SO or whatever. It pissed me off reading this. I forgot, babe. He would have got a slap to his face and I would have walked out. if you can't trust him with something that simple and yet so important to you, what does that say about his future actions and being responsible for them?

50:08Ian Hecox:There should be heavy repercussions. Stay with your parents till the new candle is done. Show him how unacceptable this is. Someone said, this may be the wrong idea and it may not help, but as a sentimental crafter, I have a thought. First, I am so sorry about the candle. From what you said about your boyfriend, I think he just wasn't thinking. It might not even have occurred to him to remember that candles are consumable and the wax would melt completely. away. Okay, on to the next step, maybe a stupid idea. It's so, so clear that you're still grieving over the loss of your sister. You still have the jar.

50:38Ian Hecox:On her birthday or the anniversary of her death, if that feels right, make a new candle in the jar. Pick her favorite color or something. When you make the candle, pour in all of your love for her along with the wax. Think of it now as something you made together. She made the vessel, you made the love. Just a thought, maybe she isn't stupid, but maybe not. Someone lastly said, has he apologized sincerely or just blown it off. The magnitude of his remorse should be your guide in how to take this. If he was just an absent-minded dolt, yeah, mistake. But a more deliberate action would have him showing little to no remorse.

51:11Ian Hecox:OP said he actually has not apologized but instead tried to defend his actions by saying he needed the candle for light and then moved on to saying it was an accident. But thinking back, I don't think he's apologized for it at all.

51:24Tommy Bowe:That's your answer. That's your answer, man.

51:27Ian Hecox:Like, I don't...

51:28Tommy Bowe:If he's not apologizing, then it's screw that. I'm embarrassed.

51:32Ian Hecox:Yeah.

51:32Tommy Bowe:I mean, sure. Sure. I think that comment of filling up, if you melt down the remaining wax and combine it with new wax and then pour it into the candle, that'd be a way to at least...

51:44Shayne Topp:I think it's an interesting way to honor.

51:46Tommy Bowe:To rejuvenate that item. Of course.

51:49Ian Hecox:It is so sad, though, because I'm sure there is a part of her that thought she will light that candle someday. Of course. She would be the one to do it. And now that's just gone. and it's gone from this stupid situation. But these types of things happen all the time and I do think that type of comment is important though. I think the ritual of things is really important. Absolutely. And I do think she needs to do something to like... Fix this for herself. For one, to bring it back for herself and then also to like help her like move on.

52:21Shayne Topp:Because every time she sees that candle now, she's going to be reminded of this. Like she's going to resent her significant other The fact that he can't apologize is just so...

52:31Ian Hecox:No, this sounds like, if I'm a friend of hers, I'm going to be like, this sounds like... That guy saw it. This is broken. Like, that's... I don't know how you get past that.

52:40Tommy Bowe:Yeah. Right.

52:41Ian Hecox:Update.

52:42Tommy Bowe:Jeez. Okay.

52:43Ian Hecox:All right. Update from 20 Days Later. 20 Days Later. Good movie.

52:47Tommy Bowe:Good movie.

52:48Ian Hecox:Do you think they're going to stay together? Think they're going to break up? I would hope they break up.

52:52Tommy Bowe:I do, too. Fingies crossed.

52:54Ian Hecox:Yeah. My original post was the day before Thanksgiving. Eugene and I had planned to spend Thanksgiving with my parents, but that did not end up happening. My way home from work, I stopped at a local craft store to pick up supplies to make a new memorial candle for Carrie. Thank you to the user for that amazing heartfelt suggestion. My parents and I spent a day remembering Carrie and making a new candle using some of the wax from the original candle. I also ended up purchasing a locket and having some of the remaining wax from the candle put inside, and the locket welded shut by a friend. On the evening of my post, I got home and Eugene said he wanted to talk.

53:27Ian Hecox:I agreed we needed to clear the air before Thanksgiving, so we sat in the living room and started to talk. I was not ready for what he told me. A few commenters from my original post seemed to hit the nail on the head in a way. Eugene told me that when we first met, he was extremely turned on by the fact that I was essentially a damsel in distress.

53:46Shayne Topp:Bro, no. Oh, he wedding crashered her.

53:50Ian Hecox:I just lost my sister recently. I was in a massive depression. I wasn't myself. And that turned him on both sexually and in a protective way.

53:59Tommy Bowe:Oh, no. God, I just need men to do something. Like, anything better. God.

54:06Ian Hecox:Yeah. Over the past few months, I've started to become more myself. I got promoted at my job. I've joined a cooking class and have gotten out more. And I've definitely moved away from being a damsel in distress in the eyes of Eugene. He went on to explain that he burned the candle in hopes that it would throw me back into that phase because that is the only time he felt he was attracted to me.

54:26Shayne Topp:No. No. No. No. No. No. No. All right. No. No. Eugene, no. This is Eugene.

54:40Tommy Bowe:So he is pure evil.

54:42Shayne Topp:He is actually. All right. This is all. All right. Permission to kill. I guess we should always consider that, like, men be horny, you know? Right. And that any motivation to do anything could be horny. Horny. Unfortunately, this is one of those cases. Oh, my God.

55:02Ian Hecox:I was sitting there, and I was like, there's the chance he did it on purpose. And I was like, there's no fucking way. There's no way he did it on purpose. And she'd like just restart and be like, oh, please have sex with me, man. That's crazy. That's right. He is not attracted to me unless I'm upset, crying, and a damsel in distress. When I prodded for more information, he told me that everyone prior to me that he had dated had either just experienced a loss or was in need of rescuing. Eugene told me he was no longer attracted to me. He dreaded having sex with me because he could no longer be the hero that was rescuing me, which is what turned him on in the first place.

55:42Shayne Topp:Brother, that is what role play is for, you dumb fucking idiot. Oh my God, rent a castle.

55:48Ian Hecox:Jesus. He didn't like to go out in public with me because I had started to put myself together more, like not just wearing a t-shirt and jeans like I did when depressed, and that attracted the stares of other men that he saw as a threat, taking away his damsel in distress. Eugene had a whole laundry list of things he hated doing now because I wasn't in a funk anymore. I told him if that was the case, then we needed to break up. He agreed and said he would go stay with a friend until he could make new living arrangements. My name is the only one on our house, and I told him I would give him 60 days to vacate the house, which he agreed was fair.

56:20Ian Hecox:Over the past few weeks, I've spent a lot of time with my parents and with close friends. I don't really feel like I've been dumped or broke up with someone. I just feel like me. Carrie's candle sits on my desk where the original was, and I wear the locket every day. Thank you, Reddit, for listening. I appreciate it more than you know. Oh, geez. Wow, wow, wow.

56:41Shayne Topp:I just think it's so wild because obviously this guy has a fetish and you could fulfill those consensually in the bedroom with something like role play. like you don't have to try to like manipulate your partner to get her into a state to like turn

57:10Tommy Bowe:like that's like and he admitted that that's like he preys on these people who are either grieving

57:18Shayne Topp:or going through shit yeah because he's too he's too cowardly to like try to find another way to get his rocks off that's crazy it's one when we read about people doing things that that sound

57:31Ian Hecox:it sounds fictional. I believe this story though. I know these types of people are real and it's just like, man, like you watch a movie sometimes and you're like, oh, well the villain wasn't believable.

57:41Tommy Bowe:Right.

57:42Ian Hecox:Because they were just evil. And then you sit on and see this and I'm like, oh, this guy was evil because he was horny. Like that's, that's the thing. That's all it took? Many such cases. Like truly it's just like, oh, I'm turned on by your despair. I'm like, that sounds like, horrible. That doesn't sound like a real guy, but it is. Yeah. Jesus.

58:00Tommy Bowe:Jesus. What I loved about that last thing is that she was like, I don't feel like I've been dumped. I don't feel like this. I feel like me. Yes. And I'm like, that's beautiful.

58:08Ian Hecox:Thank God. I am happy that she is getting out of this.

58:15Shayne Topp:Well, I think he wanted to get out too because he wasn't feeling it anymore.

58:20Ian Hecox:I truly, this is a situation where I'm like, I hope karma finds this man.

58:25Shayne Topp:This is where karma will.

58:26Ian Hecox:I'm like, death, do your thing. Find him. Him admitting all this shit to her, like, oh, I only date grieving people. I'm like, you're giving a villain speech to her?

58:35Shayne Topp:Right. It's just one of those things. He hasn't done the internal work, and he's just working the only way that he thinks he can. Not that I'm giving any, like. No. No, that's just the explanation of why he's acting that way.

58:48Tommy Bowe:Yeah. And it's bad.

58:49Shayne Topp:And it's like, we can all see it. Mm-hmm. And it's like. Oy. Oy. Oy.

58:55Ian Hecox:All right. Let's move on from that. Let's move on to our final story, which should hopefully be a bit of a palate cleanser.

59:01Shayne Topp:We'll see. We'll see.

59:02Ian Hecox:This is a crazy episode.

59:05Shayne Topp:This is a crazy one. It really is.

59:07Ian Hecox:Do I tell my wife the truth after 11 years?

59:11Tommy Bowe:All right. Looks like we're in for another doozy. Hold on. He could be Santa.

59:16Shayne Topp:I'm the Easter Bunny. I killed JFK. I killed JFK 11 years ago.

59:25Ian Hecox:When we first started dating, my girlfriend asked me what my favorite meal was so she could cook it for me for our one-month anniversary. We were 16, and I told her my favorite meal was chicken parmesan. She cooked it for me from scratch, and it was delicious. However, I realized that what I meant to say was chicken alfredo. I felt bad that she went out of her way to cook what she thought was my favorite meal, so I didn't correct her or myself. Fast forward to now. We've been together for 11 years, married for two years. and once a month or so, she still makes chicken parm for me because she thinks it's my favorite.

59:54Ian Hecox:It's good, but it's really just not my favorite. At this point, it's way too late to tell her the truth, right?

1:00:03Shayne Topp:You don't have, okay. I have a solution, I have a solution. He's like, hey babe, have you ever had chicken alfredo before? And then he has it, he's like, oh my God.

1:00:15Ian Hecox:I think this is my new favorite food.

1:00:17Shayne Topp:It's your new favorite food.

1:00:18Tommy Bowe:Oh, my God, I love this so much. I also feel like this is something that isn't too intensive a thing to where, depending on the couple and, like, the right person, this could now become, like, the coolest, funniest bit for them to share. It could. Like, you know, oh, the Parmesan, let's have our parm.

1:00:37Ian Hecox:It could, unless it doesn't.

1:00:38Tommy Bowe:Unless it doesn't.

1:00:39Ian Hecox:He's like, actually, I meant to say chicken Alfredo, and she's like,

1:00:42Shayne Topp:Get out of here. Okay. Go. Go. Her ex was named Alfredo. She just slams the butcher knife into the cutting board.

1:00:55Ian Hecox:What if she's like, I know. I've known this. I've always known.

1:01:01Shayne Topp:Chicken Alfredo would be easier to make, too, because you don't have to bother.

1:01:04Ian Hecox:Yeah, she's been breading that chicken all this time.

1:01:07Shayne Topp:That involves an oven.

1:01:09Ian Hecox:Chicken parm is delicious, though. I don't know what he's talking about. Chicken parm is amazing.

1:01:14Tommy Bowe:Yeah, well, I mean, he's still eating it. He's still eating it. He's still eating it.

1:01:17Ian Hecox:He's still eating it. Comments. I've been with my husband for almost 25 years, and it would make my week to find out he had been covering up his Alfredo goo for this long. At this stage of our relationship, finding something new about each other to laugh about is gold. Like, I learned something new about a story from his childhood his family always tells, and I was thrilled. Someone said, yes, it's too late, and the fact that your wife still does this for you after all these years means chicken parm should absolutely be your favorite dish. That shit is made with love, man, the purest and best form of love.

1:01:46Ian Hecox:Do you realize how lucky you are? Someone said, ask her to make chicken Alfredo and hype it up so much and say, I might be reaching, but this might be my new favorite. How did you manage to do that? And just talk about it so much, and then when she asks what you want for a special dinner, pretend to be stuck between the two. Scratch your head and sigh and say, you know, I really think I want chicken Alfredo. Last time you made it, it was so good. I've been craving it ever since.

1:02:09Tommy Bowe:Smart.

1:02:10Ian Hecox:Or you could tell the truth.

1:02:12Shayne Topp:Okay. Whoa, whoa. We don't tell the truth in Reddit stories. We don't do that shit here, man.

1:02:16Ian Hecox:We're all about lying.

1:02:17Tommy Bowe:No, no, no.

1:02:19Ian Hecox:Update. Okay. Ten days later. Oh. What do you think happened?

1:02:25Tommy Bowe:I think he told her.

1:02:26Ian Hecox:I think she's cheating on him.

1:02:28Shayne Topp:Right. She's having an affair. She was in the Bonnie Blue video. Oh. She was the flubber. Oh. Oh.

1:02:39Ian Hecox:Sorry. I'm glad my travesty brought so many of you joy. I apologize for taking so long to update you all, but I was vexed with a life-altering decision and needed to weigh the responses I received. I ultimately decided to tell my wife the truth. I'm not sure I made the right decision after all because I am far more embarrassed now than I ever was over this. I've never seen my wife laugh the way she did that night. Just when I thought she was done laughing, she would start up all over again. We now have this incredible inside joke for the rest of our lives together. Huge thank you to everyone who commented their advice.

1:03:08Tommy Bowe:I told you! Depending on the couple, it could be an incredible bit.

1:03:12Ian Hecox:I feel like communication always just results in Absolutely Stronger bond

1:03:16Shayne Topp:Absolutely You should make up a lie to Courtney And then reveal it ten years later

1:03:24Ian Hecox:I never drowned Oh No, I did that shit No, I did that shit No, I did And you did it well Yeah

1:03:35Shayne Topp:Yeah, you really succeeded with that I feel like, yeah

1:03:37Ian Hecox:Courtney and I have plenty of I mean, we have Our wedding is kind of a funny bit

1:03:41Shayne Topp:What if Cor was like, I don't like ramen?

1:03:45Ian Hecox:That'd be crazy.

1:03:47Shayne Topp:That'd be crazy.

1:03:48Ian Hecox:Because she's the one that makes it. Yeah. I don't think Courtney can fake anything when it comes to food. When she does not like something, everybody in the room knows. Yeah. She'll drink something she doesn't like, she'll be like, ah, ah, ah. Yeah, she cannot hide stuff well, unless we're playing werewolf, and then suddenly she turns into a different person. Exactly. I don't get it.

1:04:07Tommy Bowe:Wow. I thank God for this last story being fun and lying. Yeah. I love a happy ending.

1:04:13Ian Hecox:We end on chicken parm.

1:04:14Tommy Bowe:Chicken parm. We always end on chicken parm here. I want chicken parm now.

1:04:17Ian Hecox:Hey, breadsticks for the whole family.

1:04:19Tommy Bowe:Yeah. Oh, breadsticks. Are they coming in?

1:04:23Ian Hecox:In a little bit. Wow. Well, thank you both for this wild ride.

1:04:28Tommy Bowe:Hey, thanks for driving.

1:04:29Shayne Topp:I feel like I said this last time I was on Reddit stories. I was like, this is one of the, I feel like this is one of the craziest stories. And I feel like this one, I'm like, this is one of the craziest set of stories.

1:04:39Ian Hecox:Yeah.

1:04:40Shayne Topp:This was wild. How do you guys keep finding them?

1:04:42Ian Hecox:They don't stop. It always blows my mind when you find old ones that we've never seen. I'm like, damn. Holy shit. Thank you both for joining me. Thanks for having us. Thank you for watching. And we'll see you next Saturday for more stories. Goodbye. Goodbye.

1:04:58Tommy Bowe:James, I need that$10 ,000 right now. James, give it to us. James, he needs it. I need that$10 ,000.

1:05:04Shayne Topp:His business is going to go out.

1:05:06Tommy Bowe:Please.