They Think They Deserve This | Reading Reddit Stories

24:02Like, this is going to be agonizing. It could potentially be days of childbirth. Like, she deserves something. Yeah. But I don't think it's coming from a place of, like, I want you to care about me. Right. She wants stuff. And that's where it's like, all right. Totally. I think the tattoo is what's interesting to me, too. Look, like I said, TikTok, you got to come up with some crazy shit to get attention. Like, that's what it's about. Yeah. That's what it's about, man. And all of us, no matter what your interest is, we've all seen it on TikTok. Whatever you're given hobby or viewpoint on the world, you've seen the most extreme take on it where you go, okay, we need to slow down.

24:41Yeah. Do you even believe this? Because I don't think they do. They're just saying stuff nowadays. Yeah, they're just trying to get the viewership. Yeah. I don't understand the lower tattoo thing. So it's get a permanent tattoo on the lower half of your body? Yeah. Or like, was it lower half of your like, oh, she. Or something that will like change your body forever. Change your body permanently kind of thing. I think it's all these things though. Like, I think my issue with it is it's all these, it's all these things to symbolize something that you hope that he already understands. Right. Right.

25:12It's like, you need to get this tattoo so that your body's changed because my body's changed. It's like, or the hope is this person loves you. Right. And understands what's happening. Yeah. And will continue to love you. Yeah. Yeah, it's almost as if like it was a decision of who was going to get pregnant. And she was like, I'll take it on. I'll do it. But also tattoo your scrotum. But I better get a Prius. Yeah. The verdict was not the asshole. Comments, damn, I was thinking of some roses or maybe a necklace with the baby's birthstone. Someone said, both of my push presents were pendants with the kid's birthstones and I didn't even ask for it.

25:47Though they are very much cherished. The world is becoming weird with all of these excessive expectations. Someone said, not the asshole. Well, influencers are literally ruining people. My present after successful deliveries was my husband knowing that he's a rotten cook. So he bought groceries and enlisted our loved ones to fill our freezer with heat and eat meals. He also chopped ingredients for them and cleaned up their kitchens. He started this project about a month before the due date of our firstborn, skipping his gym time so that it was a very sweet surprise. Lastly, someone said, not the asshole.

26:14The concept of giving a gift to the mother after labor doesn't shock me, to be honest. Just a small gesture to show appreciation and make mama feel good and a bit better after the ordeal. but it depends on the couple and financial conditions. Flowers, jewelries, other gifts, et cetera. Pricing varies depending on your comfort, but asking for a house, car, and a tattoo, WTF, is extreme, and unless you're nasty rich, it's unreasonable. I do feel like once, because I think this is their first child, I don't have any kids, but I know plenty of people who do. I feel like the best gift and what is expected and what should be needed from him, like from day one is like, you have a ton of work to do.

26:50Investment. Absolutely, yeah. The car is not going to matter. You're not going to be thinking about a car. You're not going to be driving it anywhere. Like, after two days, the car is going to be the last thing you're thinking about. You're going day by day. You're going to be like, please fucking help me. You know, what's actually so interesting to me, because this is, I feel like this is happening in real time as well. I don't know that I had ever considered even getting something material after I would hypothetically give birth. in my head, I would always think like, oh, I just want to be nurtured and taken care of and supported in that way.

27:25And after hearing this story, now it feels like there's something planted in my head of being like, oh, do I deserve something material? Like, it's working. Like, I obviously am not gonna be like, I need a house, I need a car, I need a tattoo. But in my head, I'm just kind of like, huh, maybe that would be nice. And it's like, I don't know that I actually believe that. It's more just like hearing that other people are being treated that way. Again, it makes me feel like that like exclusion thing of like, oh, is that what other couples are doing? Is that what other families are doing? Is that what other women are receiving?

27:57Should I be doing that too? Yeah. That's that system working on you. Yeah. I mean, that's what social media and technology and our society does is it splits us up into individuals. And then it can tell you a message and go, this is what everyone's doing. Yep. And you don't have a community to easily go, are we all doing this? Yeah. Right. That's the whole purpose of it. Genius. I know. Hey, it's genius. Is it evil? Yes. But it's genius. Incredibly. Jeevil. Man. Wow. Genius. This episode of Reddit Stories is sponsored by Southern New Hampshire University. I get it. We're all busy. Adding another thing to your plate right now probably feels pretty much impossible.

28:38But if you've been thinking about going back to school, SNHU might be the solution you've been waiting for. With SNHU, you can get your degree online and on your schedule. Instead of logging in for live-streamed lectures, you'll get to participate in a way that feels suspiciously on-brand for this show. Discussion boards. Sorry, no upvoting, flair, or awards, but you'll still get to share your thoughts and interact with classmates from all over the country. Plus, your weekly assignments focus on the good stuff, like building skills you can actually use on the job. Okay, TLDR, SNHU puts you in control of your learning.

29:17Learn more and start your free application at snhu.edu slash pitreddit. This is Ashley Akinetti from the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast. Ben, I've been reflecting a lot lately on how many big life moments our listeners have experienced with us. Yeah, it's pretty wild. They've watched us go from dating shows to engagements, weddings, babies, buying homes. Every stage comes with new decisions. The milestones are the fun part, but the planning is where things get real. That's why Klarna stands out. Klarna gives people smarter tools to help manage everyday money with flexible ways to pay, cash back that builds automatically, everything in one place, and support that makes everyday decisions feel less overwhelming.

30:04Since life moves so fast, the right tools can help you feel more confident. Download the Klarna app today or visit Klarna.com to learn more. California resident loans made or arranged pursuant to a California finance law license and MLS number 1353190. Klarna balance account required to be eligible for cashback points. Limitations, terms and conditions apply. This episode of Reddit Stories is sponsored by Southern New Hampshire University. I get it. We're all busy. Adding another thing to your plate right now probably feels pretty much impossible. But if you've been thinking about going back to school, SNHU might be the solution you've been waiting for.

30:42With SNHU you can get your degree online and on your schedule. Instead of logging in for live streamed lectures you'll get to participate in a way that feels suspiciously on brand for this show. Discussion boards. Sorry no upvoting flair or awards but you'll still get to share your thoughts and interact with classmates from all over the country. Plus your weekly assignments focus on the good stuff like building skills you can actually use on the job. Okay, TLDR, SNHU puts you in control of your learning. Learn more and start your free application at snhu.edu slash pitreddit. This is Ashley Akinetti from the Ben and Ashley I Almost Amos podcast.

31:25Ben, I've been reflecting a lot lately on how many big life moments our listeners have experienced with us. Yeah, it's pretty wild. They've watched us go from dating shows to engagements, weddings, babies, buying homes. Every stage comes with new decisions. The milestones are the fun part, but the planning is where things get real. That's why Klarna stands out. Klarna gives people smarter tools to help manage everyday money with flexible ways to pay, cash back that builds automatically everything in one place, and support that makes everyday decisions feel less overwhelming. Since life moves so fast, the right tools can help you feel more confident.

32:07Download the Klarna app today or visit Klarna.com to learn more. California resident loans made or arranged pursuant to a California finance law license and MLS number 1353190. Klarna balance account required to be eligible for cashback points. Limitations, terms and conditions apply. Back to the show. All right. Push present. Our next story comes from Entitled Parents. I've seen so many posts from the subreddit over the years. And it is awful. Yeah, it's going to make me mad. Yeah. Here we go. Karen threatens to get me arrested for gardening my garden. Not Karen. Title says it all. Because the groundhog had no shadow, spring came early.

32:46So I had decided to weed the garden strip that borders mine and Karen's property. There's a fence between the garden and her house. While doing so, I get rid of some of my daylilies that are on my property. I finish, return to my house, and continue my day until I hear a shriek from the side of my house. I rush over because I'm scared someone got hurt, and Karen, who just got home from work, asks me why I got rid of her lilies. I say that they were my lilies and that I was making space for tomatoes, cucumbers, and carrots. She then calls the police because I had destroyed her property. The police come and basically tell her to go inside and shut up because it's pretty clear whose flowers they were.

33:25Karen! Karen Karen you idiot Karen update I'm gonna get right into it immediate update because I think we need more Karen this is an update to a previous post of mine but I feel like this is big enough to warrant its own post in my previous post I explained that a woman flipped out over the fact that I had taken daylilies out of my garden in preparation for some vegetables and such I was going to plant in the comments some had suggested that I put a camera facing the garden in case Karen decides that the tomatoes look like they're on her side of the property line My aunt, who's not entitled, was switching from Arlo to Ring Home Security, so she sent me those.

34:01They arrived the morning of the fire, so no video. That aside, I did not expect Karen to do this. Yesterday, Karen got mega drunk, like multiple cases of beer drunk. Whoa. I don't know what she was drinking, but she had obviously had a lot. And this put her anger over the edge about the loss of my lilies. She went with wood and fire starter to my neighbor's house, the one on the opposite side of her house than mine, and lit their bins on fire. This spread to their porch and their entire home was alight. I'm a light sleeper and living in a cul-de-sac was woken up by the orange haze floating through my windows.

34:43I called 911, the whole shebang, witness report and everything. And as I went out with the 911 operator on the phone, this shitbag gives a confession. After a while, and as the fire department shows up, she realizes her mistakes. One, she lit a house on fire. And two, she lit the wrong house on fire. She's being charged with arson and the like. And everyone got out. There's a mother, father, and two kids who are high schoolers. It still feels surreal. Oh, my God. Holy crap. She is a Karen. Whoa, I think you go past Karen. Karen's, I mean, actually, to be fair, Karen's do put people's life at risk a lot.

35:25I guess that kind of does make you a Karen. But this is full-on arson and, I don't know, that's attempted murder, arguably, right? Yes. Light a house on fire with people in it. Oh, my God. And lit the wrong house on fire. Now, how do you mess up which house you light on fire? Multiple cases of beer. Yeah. You've ever been seven beers in? She comes out the porch and she's like, fuck, where are my lilies? I can't see them anymore. And she goes one way or the other. When I'm seven beers in, I don't know what's left and what's derecha. That was awesome, dude. That was awesome. I think I said left or left.

36:02I think you did. Which is the joke. Derecha is right. It's right? Izquierda. Ah, okay. A la izquierda. There we go. I'm glad everyone is okay. Yes, thank God. But Karen's behind bars. They lost their house. I would assume their insurance would pay for this because there's video proof of someone lighting their house on fire. Thank goodness. Whoa. Her life is over. Karen's in jail, I'm assuming. Karen's gonna go to jail. She's behind bars. Comments, I am sorry. Did I read this correctly? She lit a house on fire as retribution. I am done with the internet for today. Thank you. Someone else said, how insane do you have to be to light someone's house on fire over flowers?

36:40You have an entire yard. Plant your own lilies. Lastly, someone said, well, that took a sharp left turn from the sedate discussion of property lines and plant law that I was expecting. Whew, man. That's crazy. I just think, like, I've heard so many stories about, like, wild neighbors, and I think some, like, frankly, some, like, old people just spend too much time by themselves, and they just, like, fester and go, like, wild. Yeah. And then this happens. When you don't have a life to go live, you sit and you think. Yeah. And you're just in your own head and you spiral downward and you go fucking crazy.

37:17And you don't consider real world consequences. You're just like, all that I have to do is win this battle. But then the cops show up and you're like, oh yeah, I am a human being. I live in the world. And you mix in 12 beers into that situation. Right. Is that the most entitled person? or is that, because was that entitlement or was that just pure rage? Well, they weren't even her flowers to begin with. So she's not even entitled. She was entitled to someone else's property. Yeah, yeah. Yes, and that doesn't really make sense inherently. I think she believes, I think maybe like because the lilies are in her line of sight and because it's.

37:57Everything the light touches. Exactly. It's hers. It belongs to hers. She's like, I see those that's in my backyard. those are mine. Those are mine. And when they're cut down, I didn't want them to be cut down. So therefore I have say over which house deserves to stay up. So is Kate from John and Kate Plus 8 Mufasa in this story? Yes. The most, the wildest move that Karen could have done is when OP walks out and sees the house on fire, the neighbor's house on fire, and Karen, Karen should have turned and just been like, look what you made me do. Yes. And then you would have thought about that forever.

38:33Oh yeah. I do want the image of a Karen in full silhouette with like a raging fire behind her. I feel like that would be a really good image. Well, it's kind of that meme photo of the girl smiling. Yeah. But she's like really drunk too. Yeah. I, oof. Imagine like coming to from drinking so much. Oh my God. And finding out you lit a house on fire. You're done. You're done. I've never blacked out before, so. I, I, I. Couldn't be me. It's like why I don't like to ever get drunk because you're like, what did you do? Oh, yeah. That's so terrifying. Talk about a hangover. Yeah, man. For real. All right.

39:13Our next story comes from Relationship Advice. Yay. I want drama. Oh, no. And I love love. Oh, no. Oh, no. It's a question. The title is a question. No. Can you ask someone to lose weight for your wedding? Oh, no. Oh, no. My friend, a 33-year-old woman, is a personal trainer and just got engaged to another personal trainer. All of their friends were met through the gym they both work at. I have known her since we were both five. I am not a personal trainer. I am a U.S. size 10. So I'm not obese, but I'm definitely on the fatter side. I'm very comfortable with who I am, and my doctor is too. Well, tonight she called me with the best news.

39:58Her fiance and her are putting together a great workout and meal plan together for me. They figure if I drop 20 to 30 pounds, the wedding pictures will be more symmetric. Oh, fuck. She was so... Jesus Christ. Okay, thought it was going to be a little more nuanced, so we're fine. She was so happy and excited, like she was doing me a favor. I wasn't even sure what to say, so I just hung up and haven't responded. I'm completely flabbergasted. This isn't a situation where I constantly bitch about my weight and then get mad when someone offers to help. I've never asked for help. I've never mentioned wanting to lose weight.

40:35They both just kind of took it upon themselves to help me. Obviously, I'm going to opt out of being her maid of honor, but at this point, I'm not even sure I want to go now. Why would anyone think this was okay? I honestly have no idea how to discuss this with her. I feel like it's much more her fiance's idea than hers. My first reaction is they both called you. She's owning that plan, too. Yeah, absolutely the hell not. No way. I thought it was going to be something else, like, a little more vague, like, I don't know, in, like, terms of, like, the relationship between each other or something.

41:07But this is just flat out absolutely inappropriate. Yeah. Zero reason to do this. Okay, symmetrical. Bring her plus one who's another regular person. We're on the other side of the picture. Right. Sorry we're not crossfitters. Right. Exactly. And also, why do you fucking care about that for your wedding photos? Symmetry? Are you kidding me? It's your wedding. Just be happy you're loved and have people around you love you. Exactly. Don't try to, like, shape them. These motherfuckers love to work out. It's wild to me. We've seen this a couple times of people not only caring about how they look for their own wedding, but how everyone else needs to look.

41:45Yep. I'm like, why are you so obsessed with this? Not your job. Like, they are other people living their lives. Like, they're at your wedding. Yeah. But they are who they are. Let them be. There's a thing that happens that I've noticed when you're, like, and I guess I notice it more, like, in the gay world. We've all seen the pictures of, like, the gaggle of gays at the beach, and they all look fucking identical. And they're all ripped, and that's all they fucking care about. Yeah. And they're probably rich, too, so I don't know how. Anyway, I'm a little jealous, but not actually. But not actually.

42:16and it's like if a regular if a regular person becomes a part of that they wouldn't be like allowed in so there's something about like well i've worked really hard in a psychotic way that i only focus about this so i want this person to do and so then you get in this weird broken mindset that you lose humanity no i mean fitness and health is like your own personal journey absolutely you're allowed to do whatever you want like you're allowed to be obsessed with it you're You're allowed to want to be perfect in your own world, but to care about other people's journey. Because some people don't care.

42:48They are fully happy and fine. I would say it is almost never appropriate to give somebody else advice or insight unless they ask about their body, their appetite, their diet, their workout routine. Exactly. Yeah. No, I think you're 100 % on the money with that. Oh, God. It does frustrate me a lot with the fitness world to how so many of them think like That everyone's motivation and just viewpoint is the same as theirs. It's like well this this works for me So it should work for you, right? And you should be happy with this because I'm happy with this like, you know other people Live differently like that's another person and have different opinions on what is attractive and what is suitable and desirable for them Like, that's also a spectrum for different people.

43:39People are into different things. They want to express and show themselves differently. They want to live a different life. Like, that's what the entitlement is, is that I have figured it out, and I know the right way to look, and therefore you need to look like me. Yeah, because OP is saying, like, I've always been happy. I've never said anything. If OP leading up to this, and I don't think this would be appropriate still, but if OP had been like, oh, I'm going to feel so insecure because you guys all look so good. I'm so insecure. Ah, that's going to suck, whatever. then if this happened but even then I would say unless you're directly asking for it, it's inappropriate.

44:11It shouldn't be given. Ooh, God. I'm with her of not wanting to go. That's so uncomfortable, man. That means if you're there, they're thinking about your body. It's now unfortunately opened this box of like, oh, okay. You guys are it's okay to be hyper-focused on your own body but you're hyper-focused on me. Oh, God. And it's also them saying the symmetry thing It's like, oh, it's not even, you don't even care about, you're not coming from a place of caring about my health or something. Right. This is purely a looks thing. She's a number in a picture. Yeah. Like, wow, it's objectified. And then what else was picked apart for symmetry too?

44:50Yeah. Is that how we pick our friends? Did we go across and look at skin tones? Well, I'm only friends with you because you're beautiful and smart. Well, that's okay because I asked you to. I asked you to. That was a perfect, I was like, ding, and you went to the end. That was great. Some comments on this. Call her back and tell her you thought about her symmetry issue and have decided you can just be in the center of every picture to make it even. No weight loss needed. Someone else said, what the actual fuck? No, that's not okay. A real friend would never ask that of you either. Lastly, someone said, hey, friend, I'll do you one better.

45:26This is my total weight XXX. You can just subtract that number from your wedding party. Ooh. Ooh. Yeah, I do not think I would go. I would not go. So mean. And just like an insecurity that has not been there for this person is now planted by these other people who were supposed to be. Sorry, she was going to be maid of honor? This was your best friend getting married who out of nowhere was like, hey, guess what, bestie? Meal plan for you. It would make me think like, so has our whole friendship been like tainted by this thing? Yeah. Spooky. Exactly. It's like the blindfold comes off and it's like, oh, this is who you are.

46:06Yeah. Oh, damn. Wow. Update. Oh, oh. So, wow, that post blew up. I ended up deleting it because my friend lost business over it. Good. She had told a few of her close clients her plan when it blew up and ended up on Facebook via different news outlets. They were able to put two and two together. They decided they didn't want her to be their PT any longer. That was never, ever my intention. Although I feel bad, play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Anyways, she and I talked at length. She admitted her true motivation was having before pictures, my wedding photos, and after pictures, her wedding, of a normal mom transformed into a fit mom.

46:42She was also planning on having crop top dresses. After three pregnancies, my abs are quite separated, and she wanted to help. She realized her motivations were selfish. She knew I would decline. So she had hoped, presented it this way. I would do it for her. But yeah, her concern was never my health. She admitted that multiple times. To address a few things,$2 ,500 plane tickets were for a family of five. I've also never hinted at wanting to lose weight. She knows I'm very comfortable with who I am. Also, my doctor is very happy with where I stand. I received many very strange messages and comments telling me my doctor is lying to me.

47:17I can assure you, my doctor would make a lot more money telling me I was fat and needing to run extra tests. So he's not going to lie about my health. That's about the exact opposite of what a doctor does. My husband is not a sexist pig for saying he wanted to show me off at a nude beach. He's my biggest supporter. He just meant that I don't need to hide and I am beautiful the way I am. I'm guessing there's probably... That's okay. Go off, nude beach. I guess there's comments. There's probably a lot of comments in the previous post giving more information. Yeah. So she probably talked about her doctor and her husband wanting her to go to a nude beach.

47:49That's awesome. Hell yeah. Rock on, man. Lastly, she says, the fiance wasn't behind this, but he's pissed that I wouldn't just do it for her. He literally said, tell her anything over a size four is disgusting in the background when I spoke to her. So good luck with your winner there. After we spoke, I've decided that I'm just going to go to the wedding and I'm not going to be in the wedding. My family will stay home. She feels terrible, but we've been friends for almost 30 years. I'm also not going to fly out for her showers and bachelorette, which I would have done otherwise. This really put our friendship in perspective for me.

48:21She had stepped back a little since she got serious with her fiancé, and I didn't realize the extent of it. He has some strong views on hating anyone over a size four, and I realize she slowly picked these up as well. I have no idea what the friendship will hold after this, but I still want to be there to cheer her on for her wedding, but I don't have to be immersed in every aspect. I am flabbergasted. I am truly disturbed at what the fiancé thinks. A lot of people think that shit. That is actually crazy to feel so bold and say something like that. And all the other people, too, that are weighing in about the doctor lying or the doctor, like, not being truthful.

49:02Like, I just, like, why do you think you know another person's body? Especially a stranger on Reddit. Absolutely. Like, you do not know what is happening for them. That's so crazy. No, there's a lot of entitled commenters. Yeah. Yeah. Just to go purely off of like the number, like the size, that is baffling to me. Kids at home, be careful who you pick to be your partner because you will adapt some of their stuff because you'll be with them more than anyone else. So be careful. Don't think you can just overlook it. Right. And there is, you know, there is enjoying and having a hobby out of being healthy and stuff.

49:40But this is so superficial. It's like, hey, man, things happen in life, and also you're going to age. Be careful with this person because at some point, if they're so objectifying of everything, you're not going to meet their standard because it's going to be impossible at some point. What happens if the wife gets in, God forbid, an accident, and she can't work out for three years? Does he find her disgusting and throw the marriage away? Probably. The girl needs to check out who she's marrying. Wow. Wow, horrible people, horrible story. Horrible. Yeah, horrible people. Really horrible people. Next story.

50:19This one comes from Petty Revenge. Okay. Thank goodness. I do love some revenge. And Petty? And Petty. Petty Revenge is usually my favorite. There is Petty Revenge, there is Pro Revenge, and there is a Nuclear Revenge subreddit. Entitled Parker parked in my driveway, so I blocked them in and got drunk all weekend. That's a baller move right there. Yeah, I love this. Couple cases of beer. Kind of obsessed with that. Friday night, I came home from work to find someone on our block was having a large party, and someone decided they were entitled to park in my driveway. Keep in mind, my driveway is a single car width lined with a retaining wall on both sides and a garage at the end.

50:59Essentially impossible for a tow truck to come pull them out without property damage. Seeing this and the lack of street parking, I took this as a cue to park right behind them in my driveway. Now a few hours go by, and their entitled Parker is now knocking at my door, demanding I move my car so she can leave. Seeing as they were demanding, I informed them that I had been drinking and would not move my car. Smart. So smart. The entitled Parker then decides to call the police to get them to force me to move. When the police knocked on my door, I was sure to grab a beer from the fridge before I answered to talk to the officer.

51:29I had informed him that after I got home, I was unwinding and had been drinking and was in no shape to drive. At this point, their hands were tied because they couldn't tow her car out. I'm in no shape to drive, and I'm legally parked in my driveway. I ended up telling the entitled Parker that since it's a long weekend, I would be on a weekend-long bender, and they could move my car after I go to work on Tuesday. Incredibly impressive. That's impressive as hell. That's the most impressive use of getting drunk I think I've ever heard. Oh, I am so proud. Yeah. Good job, man. Good job, man. Wow. That's dope.

52:04Oh, my God. The entitled parker. Oh, that's brutal. But I can't imagine parking in just a random driveway. Are you kidding me? A single driveway, no less. Like, what is your plan there? Yeah. I don't know, man. People get in cars, and then they change. They do. It's like a full moon for werewolves. They do. It's nuts. Man, driving's changed you, man. Yeah. That Prius changed you, dude. This is emboldening me, too. Because in my apartment complex, there's a bunch of spots. And then there's, I guess because I was like the last to move in at one point. Then there's one spot by the dumpster. And so I park there, which is great.

52:48This episode of Reddit Stories is sponsored by Southern New Hampshire University. I get it. We're all busy. Adding another thing to your plate right now probably feels pretty much impossible. But if you've been thinking about going back to school, SNHU might be the solution you've been waiting for. With SNHU, you can get your degree online and on your schedule. Instead of logging in for live streamed lectures, you'll get to participate in a way that feels suspiciously on brand for this show. Discussion boards. Sorry, no upvoting, flair, or awards. But you'll still get to share your thoughts and interact with classmates from all over the country.

53:27Plus, your weekly assignments focus on the good stuff, like building skills you can actually use on the job. Okay, TLDR, SNHU puts you in control of your learning. Learn more and start your free application at snhu.edu slash pitreddit. This is Ashley Akinetti from the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast. Ben, I've been reflecting a lot lately on how many big life moments our listeners have experienced with us. Yeah, it's pretty wild. They've watched us go from dating shows to engagements, weddings, babies, buying homes. Every stage comes with new decisions. The milestones are the fun part, but the planning is where things get real.

54:09That's why Klarna stands out. Klarna gives people smarter tools to help manage everyday money with flexible ways to pay, cash back that builds automatically, everything in one place, and support that makes everyday decisions feel less overwhelming. Since life moves so fast, the right tools can help you feel more confident. Download the Klarna app today or visit Klarna.com to learn more. California resident loans made or arranged pursuant to a California finance law license and MLS number 1353190. Klarna balance account required to be eligible for cashback points. Limitations, terms and conditions apply.

54:45And people who are like just, you know, shopping around and the area will just come and park in my spot. And I've been really good. Because I'll come home and I'll be like, and I'll go, I can park on the street next door. It's fine. And like take a breath. But now I'm like, what if I just go, and just pop it in and be like, I'm sorry. That's my spot and you were in it. I'm gone. I'm like, that sounds fun. Wait, you so should. Because I could call and tow them. But then if I do that, they know where I park. So they could come back and key my car or something. I think that's my thing is living in L.A.

55:24but living anywhere is like when people are like, oh, you should get revenge in this way. I'm like, I can. I don't know if that person is a murderer. Yeah. Like you never know. Right. And it's not fair. But I'm always like, hey, people sometimes murder people. You got to pick your battles. Exactly. I'm not picking that battle. But it sounds fun. And like this guy's confident. It looked like it worked out fine. You could just, like, get their car towed a bunch and keep parking on the street, you know? So that way, like... They'll never see my car. But then I've given up my parking spot for one moment of revenge.

55:58But it'll be delicious. It'll be delicious. It will be really, really delicious. It would be really yummy. Yeah, it's true. They come up, they're like, ah! And you're just like... You're just standing there right there in their face. But you don't know where my car is parked. You don't know who I am. Time to go to the store. I've got a mile walk. comments, the absolute fucking entitled audacity to park in someone else's driveway without permission. I would have taken an Uber to work on Tuesday just as an extra fuck you. Someone said, I too live across from an elementary school and the number of people who park directly in front of or in my driveway is staggering.

56:32I also happen to get home from work while school is getting out. So on more than one occasion, I have blocked every single person trying to enter or exit the school pickup line while the one A-hole parent in my driveway goes, it'll just take a second. Can you do a loop? Someone says, hello, police. I trespassed on someone's private property by parking my vehicle up their driveway, and now they've parked behind me and won't let me out. I'm the victim here. I demand you come and punish them. Nice work, OP. I applaud your pettiness. Yeah, driving entitlement is like a whole other thing. It's really bad.

57:03Yeah. It's really bad. It's terrible. I want to go to a petty zoo, and I want to walk around and hear a bunch of people's awesome petty revenge stories. Yeah, yeah. And they will be in a cage. So anyways, one time. Yeah, we'll just throw crumbs at them from one side. I'm like, that was good. Good work, good work. Thank you. Update. Oh, yes. I did not expect this to blow up like it did. After the first few sightings of Entitled Parker, it was a relatively peaceful weekend, and I did a lot of diagnostic tests on liver performance. I contemplated the idea of working from home on Tuesday, but ultimately decided that I had enough fun with this and went to work.

57:43My neighbor said they saw the entitled parker sheepishly come around 8 a.m. to retrieve their car and went without incident. All in all, I think EP probably learned a valuable lesson to park only where legally allowed, although they probably had a headache of being without a car for the weekend. It ultimately was likely a better outcome than having the car towed and impounded, which is notoriously hard to go and retrieve in my area, especially on a holiday weekend. That's true. Yeah. He saved them money. So it was a favor, actually. Because towing them, that's a lot of money and it has to be cash.

58:13And it hopefully seems like she learned her lesson. You hope. I just don't think people like that learn lessons. I think, unfortunately, part of my reason with revenge, I don't do it because I'm like, is it cathartic? Sure. But I'm like, is it worth the trouble? And then do I believe people change? No. Often, no. My instinct is no. Do people change? Yes, of course they do. But when someone's already willing to do something of this nature, I'm like, their ego's going to go, well, I'm going to do it again. Part of me is almost like they're more likely to do it again. Because now they're mad. I can already see her over the weekend without her car telling our friends, like, guess what this fucking guy's done to me.

58:55And they're all probably like, I can't believe he did that. Fuck that guy. Fuck that guy. Yeah. No, you're right. Fuck him. Who does he think he is? Drinking all weekend? Let's drink a couple cases of beer and light a house on fire. Yeah. Our last story comes from Relationship Advice. Aww. This is a 21-year-old woman. My boyfriend, who's 22, gets so jealous over his brother's 26-year-old man girlfriend, 28-year-old woman, that he cries until he vomits. Interested to see what that means. Yes. Yes. And why. My boyfriend, Jake, and I are high school sweethearts and share an apartment with his brother, Finn.

59:31Finn has been seeing a woman named Bonnie for the past three months. They met over Tinder and with certain restrictions lifted, we're finally getting to spend some time with her in real life. This is in 2020. She's a really great person and she and Finn are stupidly into each other. Like accidentally finishing each other's sentences in love, staring at each other with big gooey eyes in love. It's kind of gross, but kind of sweet. A couple of days ago, I noticed that Jake's been acting weird. He's been a lot quieter and a bit colder to me. Going to bed early, getting up late. I tried to kiss him and he turned away.

1:00:01Yesterday when Finn was out, I asked what was up with him. He started off kind of hostile, but when I said that I was really feeling hurt, he blew up. Summarized, he told me that he was rethinking our entire relationship after listening to his brother talk about Bonnie. He said that Bonnie asked for Finn's preference when she cut her hair and didn't get bangs when he said he thought they looked stupid when I got a pixie without asking Jake what he'd think first. He said that Bonnie gave Finn a blowjob every night before bed and one every morning when he woke up. When I don't really like oral, giving or receiving, he said I never offer to give him massages or pack his lunch.

1:00:34For clarification, I do things for him all the time, but we've never been lovey-dovey. We don't even celebrate Valentine's Day, his suggestion. We both always agreed it was stupid and unrealistic. In fact, we always used to make fun of people for being sappy and definitely gave Finn hell for a bit over being so gooey. He was crying by the end of it, saying that he felt sick over missing out on someone who would love him that much. I said I loved him, but he didn't want to hear it. He started gagging and threw up a little bit because he was crying so hard. That's hilarious. That's really funny.

1:01:07That's really funny. I didn't know what else to do, so I got him some water and went to bed. I went to work early and I've been hanging out at a coffee shop, but I have to go home soon. I have no idea where to go from here or what to say to him. I don't even know if we're still together. Help just with all of this shit. Oh my God. That's crazy.

1:01:29Can I just say... Why won't you blow me? Can I just say, I hate when people put, like, numbers to blow jobs like that in these stories. I hate when it's like, well, his wife blows him every single hour.

1:01:49Also, is the girlfriend fucking princess bubblegum? no one Finn and Jake hello yeah okay yeah I'm like did Pendleton Ward go on Reddit I was thinking I was thinking of a reference there it is yeah names yeah that's really funny that's so funny no but I think that that's disgusting to just kind of compare things like that it's super it's super disgusting yeah and no point of this is he thinking like oh I could be a better boyfriend to you it's just entirely it's just more blowjobs Yeah, exactly. He wants a pole present. This is such an extreme, extreme version of this. Because I was going to say, too, like on a much more like chill level of like understanding, hey, they're in their first three months.

1:02:40Yeah. And like I'm assuming they've been together. They're high school sweethearts and they're in their early 20s. So they've been together for at least four years. Yeah. So it's like, hey, man, like relationships change over time. Totally. A long-term relationship is not going to be as ooey-gooey, sappy as it was in the beginning. The honeymoon phase. Yeah, exactly. But this is so extreme. I mean, this dude is pathetic. Comments. In a million years, I would never be able to look at my partner again if they said something like this to me. I'd be out the door for good. Someone said, and then started crying so much they threw up?

1:03:14No, thank you. That kind of entitlement and immaturity is a boner killer. Someone said, your boyfriend is 22 and expects you to pack his lunch. You don't love him because you don't pack his lunch and give him blowjobs all the time. Go to a friend or family member's house and really think about this before proceeding. If you spend time apart, he may notice all the things you do for him. Personally, I would have laughed and left because crying over this is embarrassing. Someone said, does he ever pack your lunch? Ask your opinion on his hair? Stare into your eyes lovingly? Or does he just want, want, want without being willing to give?

1:03:45Yeah, that's a really funny part we didn't touch on either, that he was like, well, she asks him if she can get bangs. Right. Yeah. Like, what? Give him a cantaloupe with a hole in it. That's lunch and the hotel.

1:04:01Holy shit, man. And honestly, kind of the haircut. Kind of the haircut, yeah. Yeah, toss a toupee on it. Like, there you go. At the end, cut it in half. Put it on top, cut around. You got it all. The fact that he just started puking after he cried. No, it's so pathetic. Like, all of these demands, but then he's like, dude. Yeah. You know that he was, like, unstable. And then she packs his lunch and he blows him in the morning. Quick, blow me. Dear God.

1:04:43The fact that she is not immediately walking out the door is like, dude, come on. Oh, my God. Okay. Whoa. I just also, like, I mean, this is so silly and stupid. But, like, yeah, you just can't compare relationships, too. It's like relationships are so unique. And as they should be because, like, you're an individual unique person. You need to find that person that matches you on so many levels. Yeah. And people, like, every relationship in its own, like you're saying, it is different. And the only people that are going to know it are the two people that are in it. Yeah. Like, that kind of bond.

1:05:20Maybe it is that you are, like, continuing this somewhat honeymoon phase for your entire relationship. Maybe that's just who the two of you are. Sure. Some people, not physically or emotionally affectionate, but it's just like, I fuck with that person. They're going to be around me a lot. Exactly. That's that. I think my theory is they've been together since high school. I think it's been her first relationship. She's not clocked how immature this guy is because he's not looking for a relationship. He's looking for an accessory. And yeah. Update. Oh. Sorry. Yeah. Uh-oh. Sorry I didn't respond to anyone's comments.

1:06:03I went home after posting, and by the time I logged back on to Reddit, the post had been locked. A few of you asked for the update, so here it is. I'm single. Yeah. Get it. Yeah. I came home and Jake was gone. Finn was there and asked if I could sit down for a bit. He wouldn't give me the exact details, but said that he and Jake had talked while I was out. He also showed me a few text messages to prove it. Apparently, Finn had never shared any details with his brother, but Jake had been able to hear them moan through the walls when Bonnie stayed over. It wasn't a bro talk or anything after all Just the man I thought I was going to marry Listening to his brother have sex through the walls Neat When Finn got home from work Jake tried joking about it And made comments about Bonnie's race Finn kicked him out And now Jake is going to be staying with their parents So I have to pay his share of the rent too Because Finn refuses to let him in And Jake refuses to come back Double neat A few people had questions So here we go Did Jake ever mention wanting romantic gestures?

1:06:59No we actually got together because we were the only goths in school. We bonded over being against the same thing. Okay, now I'm picturing as in chains, big, but blot the makeup. Asian bloodshot. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, so many sentences in this are killing me. There's nothing wrong with being goth. It's just funny that it's like we got together because we were the only goths. It just keeps reframing the image I see, and it's incredible every time. Over the toilet, puking and crying. We actually got together because we were the only goths in school. Amazing. We bonded over being against lovey-dovey stuff like that.

1:07:37We grew out of the edgy phase, but yeah, he always was firm. He hated Valentine's Day and women who needed roses or gifts to feel loved. Has he ever done anything like this before? Now that I think about it, yeah. He's thrown tantrums before, but never like this. Things like stores running out of his favorite items always made him really emotional. Why don't you like oral? A bad incident involving Jake's braces left me with some scarring down there. Oh, my God. No, no more lore. I don't need any more lore. The lore is wild on this one. I'm done with the lore. Ow! The lore keeps coming. I feel sorry for Bonnie.

1:08:15I don't want to know any more details about their relationship, but they seem happy. They work at the same high-intensity job. Think physical trainers or OT. So she packs meal-prepped bento boxes for him and herself. Finn buys her flowers, fixes her car, goes over when spiders get into her apartment. Like I said, they're cute. This is fake. Listen, man, that's your right to believe it. I think it's fake, and I'm the one that has to figure out how to ship 200 Funko Pops to my ex. So there you go. This keeps coming. Goddamn. I'm imagining him now crying, puking, 200 Funko Pops right after the ceiling.

1:08:56I was like, why won't you follow me? I'm adding the braces even though they're gone. Oh. Look, I work at Smosh. I don't judge people for having Funko Pops. It's just, it's just. It's all of the ingredients together. Oh, that's gotta be, I hate to say, we haven't talked about this in a long time. This is kind of legendary status. Like, it's so funny. This is really good. It's insane. It's so funny. I'm so glad she's single. Yeah. But this is legendary. That's awesome. Oh, my God. Every layer of this story. This is one of my favorite Reddit stories we've ever read. Yeah. From her having fake names of being Finn, Jake, to him crying, mucking, to the braces.

1:09:39The goth, the Funko Pop. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And it has the awful blowjob negotiation in it. Oh. This had a little bit of everything. Unfortunately, yeah. It really did. Oh, wow. It's like a delicious flan at the end of a meal. Oh, God. Is a flan made up of lots of different things? Not really. No, I'm just saying it was a delightful end to our journey today. I see. Yes, yeah. Wow, that was awesome. Yeah, I'm going to be thinking about that. I need to process that one for a while. Wow. Well. Okay, should we change the channel? Yeah. I think I'm done with the Reddit stories. Hi, welcome to Smosh Mouth.

1:10:25I'm Shane. Oh, Shane. No, no, no, no. The re-roads are on. Well, this has been wild. Thank you both for being here. Thank you. You know what? You're entitled to everything. Oh. You're entitled to the world. I've decided. And I'll take it. Thank you so much. There you go. It's actually incredibly sweet. There you go. And thank you all for watching. And thanks to those who came to the Just for Laughs live show yesterday. We have another one today. We always appreciate people coming to our live shows. We want to keep doing them. We're having a blast. And anyways, for those of you watching at home, we'll see you next Saturday.

1:10:59Goodbye. Bye. Do you like waving goodbye like this? What's going on with your pinky? What is that? I'm waving goodbye. Shut up. What do you mean? What are you talking about? It just looks like... Get out of here.

1:11:13Did you know that driving under the influence of marijuana is illegal? Driving high will get you a DUI. And if you're wondering if law enforcement can tell you're driving high, well, everyone else can. Friends? I can tell you drove high. Parents? I can tell when you drive high. Relatives? I can tell. You drove here high, didn't you? So what makes you think law enforcement can't? I can tell. If you feel different, you drive different. Drive high, get a DUI. Paid for by NHTSA.