We Saved These Stories For Them w/ The Basement Yard | Reading Reddit Stories

9:29Joe Santagato:No, no, no. Like you ever seen like the like garage, like grandma's garage fridge finds where it's like a Star Wars can of Pepsi or something like that? What channel is that? Yes. Yeah, in Pittsburgh. Oh, like a 1998 something. Yes. Okay. Stuff like that. But when it comes to yogurt, we're gonna have control here.

9:48Courtney Miller:If it's a special edition thing. If it's from Iran. If it's from Cuba or Iran. Yeah. You will keep it. I love that he started collecting yogurt, so then he was like, I got to go international. I got to start expanding. But you got to enjoy it. I think when it comes to foods and stuff, you get something special. The only thing I compare it to is a very special bottle of wine or something, and people hold on to it. Sometimes you hold on to it for too long, and I think it's important to enjoy those things. Yes. So it's like, dude, you got this Cuban yogurt. Have it.

10:18Joe Santagato:I think the thing that should have happened here is he should have tried, enjoyed the yogurt, and kept like the foil. That's a middle ground. That's a smart. And you can have like a stamp book of yogurt foil wrappers. I love that.

10:31Courtney Miller:I'm all in on that. Yeah, you want it? Worse, somehow. How is that worse? Because the yogurt isn't the foil. The yogurt is the yogurt. And you've already eaten the yogurt. It's the memory. And then you have proof that you had it. Yeah, you ate it. It's in your body. And then like it was part of you. But you're going to, if someone, if I went over to someone's house, if I went over, bro, if I went to your house and you were like, take a look at this book and I start opening it and it's just collected yogurts, I'd be like, I'm getting out of here. You'd do nothing.

10:57Joe Santagato:You'd do nothing. You'd support me in my psychosis. I would get out of there. No, you wouldn't.

11:00Courtney Miller:Okay, but other scenario, you're 80 years old, you're trying to tell your grandkids about how it's like, I had this Iranian yogurt and they're just like, he's fucking lying. He definitely didn't. They're not gonna say that. They find his journal, they go, oh my God, Grandpa was telling the truth. He really did have this.

11:14Joe Santagato:I'm a simple man. Something that you will learn to come to learn about him is black hole in here. That's not true. He's been on the black hole of a heart that he had. It's literally not true. I believe that energy exists in items and, like, moments of time and stuff like that. So, like, I'll hold on to some things because I feel that they tell a story. It's a gateway drug to 2 ,000 yogurts in your apartment. Yeah, there's a limit. Bro, if you were single, forget about it. The house would be filled with things. My wife does a lot to reel me in. That's what I'm saying. Like, if you were just left, you know, if you— To my vices?

11:46Yeah, if you were, like, just unleashed out of the yard running around, and there'd be a lot of stuff in your apartment.

11:49Joe Santagato:See, why do you have to compare me to an animal unleashed?

11:53Courtney Miller:Yeah.

11:54Joe Santagato:Do you collect anything?

11:57Courtney Miller:I'm kind of in a similar situation. Like, you know, Courtney and I's place is not like big enough to like it. I care more about having space than I do about collecting things. Like I love reading. I love like having books. I wish I could have like a library where I just keep all the books. But I moved a couple times and I had a lot of books and I was like, holy shit, This is so much to move. I'm getting rid of these.

12:20Joe Santagato:I know. You want a ladder on wheels. Oh, yeah. I want that too.

12:24Courtney Miller:I want to do the bell thing and just roll around. Yeah, just like swing your leg and like Stanley Tucci and grab a book. Just kick your foot off and just be like, ah. Exactly. Exactly. I'm on board. The dream. So you'll get there.

12:38Joe Santagato:It starts with books. It ends with Iranian yogurt.

12:40Courtney Miller:Absolutely. No, but like I was saying, I'm a huge yogurt fan. Sweet. I've been typically on skier. What is that? That's like the Icelandic. Do you open it up and it's like, what? There's a fart at you? Do you not like yogurt at all? No, I do, I do. But sometimes you open a yogurt and you're like, oh, God. No, no, it's pretty like solid and then you stir it up and it's got like a good.

12:57Joe Santagato:Yeah, like when you open it, it's like spit at you a little bit. Just like, I hate that. You know what he's talking about? What kind of yogurt are you having? No, I'm having that yogurt too. I want a drink. Hell yeah. All right. We got fart bags and spitting yogurt. Fart bags and spitting yogurt. To put a button on this, I don't think she's the asshole. She's clearly in survival mode and had to get, that place was a hazmat issue. She did the right thing.

13:17Courtney Miller:You got to have balance, like, when you're living with someone of, like, this is my collection, but this is also your space. He's not respecting her space at all. At all, I will say, I would have advised against throwing out all of them in fear of my life. Yeah. Because it's like, this is clearly not. It's true. This is an unstable thing that I could be doing. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think she's the asshole, but it is like, you're about to throw out. She's brave. You're going to throw out this man's entire collection. You don't know how much money he spent on this. It's at least$5 ,000, just if you're doing typical yogurt math.

13:50Courtney Miller:But then you don't know how much these rare yogurts cost. Yogurt's expensive. The verdict is not the asshole. Comments, the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here. I hope at some point in my life I find a way to seamlessly drop that into conversation. Someone said, not the asshole. Seems like he is a hoarder. Hoarders who stock everything away neatly do exist. and him having two rooms full with his collections and him even slightly thinking it's okay to keep old, rotting yogurts speaks volumes. Not to mention those yogurts could turn it into a safety slash health hazard. This isn't just him being used to having lots of space.

14:22Courtney Miller:Him buying two more fridges with who knows what kind of an excuse for that, again, speaks volumes. Not to mention him tolerating a smell of rotten milk. He clearly needs to work on this. Make sure that he gets some help because he definitely is a hoarder. Someone said, info. Hi, OP. Just one question. What the fuck? Lastly, someone said, everyone sucks here, but mostly he. He sucks because he is a hoarder who filled your apartment with an utterly absurd collection of rotting milk and now has the gall to stomp his feet over you getting rid of it. You threw out his shit with no warning. If you'd made an ultimatum like you have two days to turn the yogurt collection into a collection of yogurt labels and throw out the rotting dairy or it all has to go in the trash, I'd be like Slay Queen, but as it is, I'm assigning a small part of the blame to you.

15:06Courtney Miller:So it's kind of what we said.

15:07Joe Santagato:I love how people are breaking this down with like real, like genuine. Yeah.

15:12Courtney Miller:There's always a Redditor who like busts out the glasses. Yeah. All right, let me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me figure this thing out. Let's move on to our next story. That was a solid one though. I read that story and I was like, this is incredible. Yeah, that's wild. And now I want yogurt. I really want to try Cuban and Iranian yogurt. What was the one that was like a, it was like a, like not spark plugs, but it was like something like that. Oh yeah, he collected a. I was like, what is that?

15:34Joe Santagato:I don't know. It was like the caps for Transformers on Powerline. Yeah. How is he getting that? Yeah.

15:41Courtney Miller:He's climbing. What is going on? He's climbing up and getting them.

15:44Joe Santagato:I mean, he's getting illegal yogurt on the dark web. I'm sure that he's figuring out a way to get those.

15:50Courtney Miller:What of your collections do you think is the most valuable thing you have?

15:54Joe Santagato:Ooh, that's a great question. My children. Okay. I am collecting children. I'm collecting children. We'll move on from that. It is right now isolated to just my own. No, I would say, seriously, I have three copies in box Pokemon games. So I have Pokemon Red, Blue, and Gold right now in box. I bought them like pre-Pokemon Boom.

16:20Courtney Miller:Pre-Pokemon Boom as in like in the 90s?

16:22Joe Santagato:Logan Paul walking out with like a card on his neck and stuff like that. I buy toys that like I had and we had as kids. I don't know. You didn't have fart bags, so who knows what you played with. Okay. Yeah, what do we do?

16:31Courtney Miller:I do have like the original 151 Pokemon card collection from back when I was a kid. I thought he was going to say 151 like the alcohol. What? I do have Bacardi 151. He's like, I got 151 after they discontinued I got it. I got a whole fridge full of Bacardi 151 and I'm not drinking it. Cool, let me know

16:49Joe Santagato:if you ever want to sell that. Yeah. But you have the whole first collection?

16:52Courtney Miller:Most of it, yeah. Because like when I was a kid I was collecting them over the course of the years. But see, like I'll get toys

16:57Joe Santagato:because I was a big Power Rangers kid and I will let my kids play with them. Totally. Because to me, the idea of it just sitting there and no one touches it, so I buy it, the kids play with it.

17:06Courtney Miller:I have a hard time with leaving something in a package, right? I don't do that.

17:09Joe Santagato:Especially yogurt.

17:10Courtney Miller:Especially yogurt. Hell yeah. Gotta eat that yogurt. I had yogurt this morning. Skier, skier. I had some skier. Skier. It was incredible.

17:18Joe Santagato:We need to get some of that Norwegian yogurt. Yeah, I don't know what's going on over here.

17:21Courtney Miller:Our next story comes from Am I the Asshole? This was posted this year. Mmm, fresh. Am I the asshole for telling my best friend's stepbrother that he isn't a short king. Sorry, dude. You're 6 '2". Yeah. I don't know what to tell you. So this 25-year-old man, my best friend Oliver, who's a 21-year-old man, and I have been friends for 12 years. Honestly, we're more like brothers. I think it's funny, my girlfriend Naomi, who's 25, and I are, I think, pretty average for height. She's 5 '7", and I'm 5 '11", but Oliver and his girlfriend Angela, who's 24, are on a whole other scale. Oliver is 6 '7", and Angela is 6 '2".

18:02Courtney Miller:We rarely talk about our heights, but I bring this up because it's important. Oliver and his stepbrother, Jim, who's 22, don't have a great relationship. They didn't really have the chance to interact. Oliver used to live with his mom while Jim lives with Oliver's dad and stepmom. Oliver would invite Jim to do stuff, but Jim never accepted. Anyway, Oliver's dad was having a little get-together yesterday, and he invited the kids that moved out and their parents. Oliver, Angela, Oliver's stepsister, who's 23, and her fiance, a 25-year-old man, plus Naomi and I and a couple other close friends. Jim kept coming over to me and telling me that short kings should stick together.

18:39Courtney Miller:He kept trying to say that he and I are short kings because Oliver is so tall, but we aren't. We aren't short. I'm 5 '11". If I had to guess, I'd say he's around 6 '1". After Oliver and Angela, he's the next tallest. We're tall. Oliver just happens to be extremely tall. Anyway, the sixth time Jim started telling me that I straight up said, dude, you aren't a short king. You aren't even short. You're taller than almost everyone here. And I guess that pissed him off because he didn't talk to me for the rest of the get together. I got an Instagram message from Jim this morning about how I humiliated him in front of his family and how he wanted an apology.

19:18Courtney Miller:I just left him on read. I told Oliver about it and he said I shouldn't apologize. am I the asshole for saying my best friend's stepbrother isn't a short king? How do you even, how do you, he's the only person that's like, no, I'm small. The only guy in the world is like, I just want to be tiny.

19:38Joe Santagato:Yeah, what are you talking about? I think, I think short, short kings has become like such a community. It's just, this is just someone wanting to be in a community and you're ripping that. Also, Oliver, short name. Just want to say that. Just want to throw that out there. He's 6 '1". I know.

19:50Courtney Miller:He's 6 '1". Oliver, when you close your eyes. Neither do you close your eyes. Picture someone named Oliver. You stayed glued to you there. Picture someone named Oliver. I'm picturing a dog, honestly.

20:02Joe Santagato:Oh, I'm picturing like a little British orphan, you know? You're thinking of our twist. Oliver Twist, yeah. You're thinking of a hungry British guy.

20:09Courtney Miller:It's like even if he was 5 '11", I'd be like, no, but all right. That brings up an incredible debate.

20:16Joe Santagato:Is Short King, like, is it relative to people around you?

20:22Courtney Miller:It is technically relative, right? Because it is based on just the average heights of human beings. And that varies by country. Like, you go to some of those northern European countries where every guy is like 6 '8". Then, yeah, like if you're 6 '2", you are a short king. Yeah, we can't.

20:39Joe Santagato:They start their days with skier.

20:41Courtney Miller:Yeah, we can't. I think their urinals are like at our neckline. Like showers. Like, oh, what a lovely water fountain. I just think it's funny that he's so mad that it's like hey man I'm sorry you're tall yeah I hate to break this to you dude but you're not a short king what the fuck the fuck are you saying dude it's like you're embarrassing

21:03Joe Santagato:my whole family's here what the fuck you're embarrassing me oh yeah I mean I don't think it's relative to the people who are in the room I think it's like bro this guy this guy is something I don't know what he is but he's not a normal person 6 '7 what are you talking about

21:17Courtney Miller:yeah it's ridiculous I do think that we need to like really pick what that word means. It's fair. It's all over the place. People are like, oh no, it's a good thing. But it's like, but you're saying it in like a condescending way. So is it a good thing or a bad thing? I'm cool with Eever. Eever?

21:33Joe Santagato:Eever? Who are you? Who is Eever? I don't know. I'm cool with either, but like we should know what's going on here. Because everyone would be like, you're a short king. And you're like, what the hell? And she's like, oh, it's a compliment. I'm like, I don't need this.

21:44Courtney Miller:But clearly this guy really does view it as like a good thing. and wants to be. Needs it, some would say. He desperately needs it. Absolutely. You gotta wonder how this guy called him out because maybe that's a lot of it.

21:54Joe Santagato:I mean, we've all been there where like someone has gotten under our skin to the point where he's like, you're just, just shut up. You're not a short cane, dude. Six times also is outrageous. Yeah. Like one time you're like, I get it because there's giants here. But then like six times you're like, dude, have another bit. Say anything.

22:12Courtney Miller:I think maybe this guy just didn't feel connected to anybody in the room and he's trying to relate to this guy. Exactly, yeah. And he's just like, here's our bit. And then for the guy to be like, fuck you, get out of my face. You can't do six in a row, though. Like, I don't belong to, yeah, no.

22:25Joe Santagato:Just grabs him by the collar and says, you're not. You're not. You're big. You're big. It's clearly like a community thing. Like, this dude wants to be, he just wants to get, like, the short King Love. He wants to be something in someone. Yeah. Maybe he had some 151, because that might get him a little emotional. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I swear to God, I'm short. I just don't want to be short, man. I'll never be that. Like this tall dude. What was the tall dude's name?

22:49Courtney Miller:It was like Jim or something. That's a tall name. I'll be honest with you, in the beginning of that story, I was like, if I have to memorize everything you just said, I'm failing. Sorry, we're talking about Jim is the one who's 6 '1". Jim, that's a tall, powerful name. Jim does sound like a tall man. Oliver. Jim. Jim. I am Jim. Jim. Yeah, like. It just hits like.

23:06Joe Santagato:It's woodsy. It is woodsy. Yeah, lumberjack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Oliver. Yeah, what are we talking about? What are we doing here? He's wearing like an ascot.

23:12Courtney Miller:He's like, hello. Yeah, exactly. What are you doing down there? Please, more, more. Yeah. The verdict is everyone sucks here. Yeah. Yeah, I also, I think that's fair too. I wouldn't be the person who's like, we're not, like, what do I get out of that? Oh my God. I'm not with you. You're not short. We have nothing in common. Yeah. I don't like you.

23:34Joe Santagato:See, if I could see myself being, like I could see myself going home, not saying anything, going home, and just being like, oh my God. But then I could see myself having a couple of drinks and just being like, you're just shut up, dude. Yeah.

23:44Courtney Miller:Yeah, I don't know. I would feel like I would try to, like, give it in, like, a more, like, soft way of being like, dude, like, hey, man, you're pretty tall. Yeah, like, you're big. That's cool. Like, you should love yourself for who you are. Like, yeah, dude. Yeah, you, like, you encourage him like a t-ball coach. You're like, no, you're good.

23:59Joe Santagato:No, you're good. You got him sporty. You'll get up there. You can jump.

24:03Courtney Miller:You're pretty good. You can probably touch rim. I like to think of this guy who's 6 '1", walking down the street. Whenever he sees, like, a really short guy, he's just so jealous. He's 6 '1", going up to dudes who are 5 '2", and being like, hey, buddy, me and you, right? Short kings. Am I right? Yeah, and he's like, getting down. He's like, aren't we the same? Comments. He was obviously making a stupid joke in comparison to Oliver's height. He probably thought it was hilarious to call y 'all short in comparison to him. Since y 'all aren't short, the joke could probably land once, but he wore it out.

24:36Courtney Miller:It sounds like you didn't pick up on the joke and took it too literally. Someone replied to that saying, I was also in the stupid joke camp. I am saddened if it wasn't a joke. Someone else replied saying, I'm sure most of us have encountered some random or a family member making a dumb joke and wore it out hours ago and either grin and say, yup, and keep it moving, or you're an asshole that snaps and says, it's not fucking funny. Okay, Ted, we got it the first five times you said it. You hurt Ted's feelings and embarrassed him and all he was doing was trying to be funny. And then producer note under this, Emily wrote, wait, who's Ted?

25:08Courtney Miller:No, that's super fair. I think they were trying to just infer a different situation.

25:12Joe Santagato:I mean, this just sounds like an absolute nightmare room to be in. Oh, yeah. You're surrounded by giants, and then one person thinks they're a comedian. Yeah. You can't throw six in a row at me. Because I will, at a certain point, be like, we heard it.

25:27Courtney Miller:Yeah. You know? What I do understand in Jim's perspective is going to a party, especially if it's a family gathering, where you don't know anybody, but you kind of know one person or you kind of have like one slight connection with one person, but you don't want to be that person just like is glued to them. But you're like, fuck, otherwise I'm stranded. Well, I think be a normal person and just follow them around like a dog. Like don't just like say this joke 10 times in a row. Yeah. You know what I mean? Just kind of like find your way like, oh, okay. But like just kind of be in the vicinity.

26:00Courtney Miller:Yeah. But I don't know, five jokes in a row. Even I would be like, all right, like I'm not that guy. Like I'm not like, Like, I'm the type of person, I order food at a restaurant, it lands. If it's not what I order, I'm like, ooh, delicious. I'll just eat it because I'm afraid to be like, hey, I didn't order this actually. But someone tells the same joke to me six times in a row and I'll be like, hey, got it. Enough.

26:21Joe Santagato:Yeah, but see, in that situation, you would look at me and I'd be like, enough. This is not, like, that's the dynamic we got. Oh, okay. That's convenient. Frank could do something like this, but only if he said it, like, the second time and someone was annoyed by it, you're getting 100 of it. He's going to sell the joke a hundred times. Yeah, but like in a tongue-in-cheek reference. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When we were younger, there was a time where we hung out and there was just a bunch of people we didn't know and I decided I was going to laugh. You ever watch Arrested Development?

26:47Courtney Miller:Oh, yeah.

26:48Joe Santagato:Remember when Joe, where he's like, and I decided I was going to do that the whole night. Pissed everyone off. Didn't matter. Yeah, he did. Because you had a great night. Did not matter. Also, breaking up hula hoop games, hula hoop contests. That was, like, he's got to commit. If you know you're being annoying, it's kind of funnier for you to know that everyone else finds you annoying.

27:09Courtney Miller:Sometimes. Sometimes. If you're lucky, you can push it far enough where it gets funny again. Yes. So maybe Jim needed to hit that eighth or ninth time where you find the sweet spot. Listen, Frank will dig through the center of the earth to find that funny again because the second one is like funnier than the first time. Yeah. But you really got to push through, but it's a tough road. Yeah. The thing, it was his bachelor party and we were in Austin and we were at a bar and it was like this outdoor place. There was a slide and then there was like people doing a hula hoop. What's going on, by the way?

27:41Joe Santagato:Contest, yeah. But they were like doing like a hula hoop thing and Frank would just walk by and pretend to be like calling for someone or looking and like knock into people's hula hoops.

27:48Courtney Miller:Oh, you're just ruining their time. Strangers, strangers. And like the first time, it was funny. Second, third. First time was a mistake and he's like, oh, that got everyone to laugh. Guess what? No one's hula hooping. This is their one time a year where they get to get together and hula hoop.

28:02Joe Santagato:It got to the point where He told me, like, you're becoming a liability. I was like, Frank, we have to leave now.

28:08Courtney Miller:Yeah. I think I turned to someone else. I'm like, I'm leaving him here. I don't care. I can't be around this. That's tough because you're the groom. So it's like, okay, we have to let him do stuff. I'm not above leaving the groom. They had to laugh at me. We had to stop you. Yeah. Lastly, someone said, everyone sucks here. Y 'all too old for this. And the last comment, you all need to touch grass. Ooh. Damn. Good one, yeah. Hit him with that. Yeah. Probably very easy for Jim because he thinks he's so small. Oh, it's just right there. It's not far.

28:35Joe Santagato:It's difficult for Oliver, who has to get on all fours. Oh, breaks his back getting down there. Being 6 '7 is a joke. That's a joke.

28:43Courtney Miller:It's silly. Like, come on. Because you guys met Rhett and Link. And Rhett, you see him, and it's like, what are you doing up there? I didn't like that. No, it's not good. I don't like that. Because there's two of them.

28:54Joe Santagato:I will tell you this right now. The camera takes away like six inches from someone's height. 100%. We have met several people and we're like, both Rhett and Link, we did some stuff with Dr. Mike. He's tall. So many tall people.

29:10Courtney Miller:You never really realize with YouTubers. Because they're mostly, they're sitting down, you don't really get a gauge of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You meet them and it's always shocking. Yeah. Dude, Rhett and Link, I just didn't really like that. We walked in, I'm like, both of you? Yeah, yeah. Really? Like, I get it, one of you, but both? Like, what are the chances of this? No, truly working there, because we were working in their same studio for a couple of years, and you'd be in a room doing something, and suddenly you'd turn around, and he would truly come through the door like Gandalf in Falcons.

29:39Courtney Miller:We'd be like, hello there. You're like, ah! We were in Mythical last year, and we met the first time, and the first thing we said, we were like, fuck, dude, these guys are so tall. And then I came back for this Golden Globes thing, right? And you had to wear a suit and dress nice. So I'm in the hotel room with Greg, and I wore a burgundy suit. and I was like, in my head, I didn't say it out loud, but in my head, I'm like, there's a chance that the staff is wearing this color. Like, it's just one of those colors. Sure enough, when I got there, the staff was wearing the color, and I was like, great.

30:12The first people we see, Rhett and Link. I'm like, Jesus!

30:16Joe Santagato:Now I'm dressed like the staff, and I look like I'm an ant. I'm like, this is a horrible night. Oh, tough. It's tough, man. It's tough out here. Tougher him.

30:26Courtney Miller:It's tougher him. That was a really tough night. Not for me. All right, let's move on to our next story. This next one comes from Am I the Asshole? This was posted in November of 2024. Guy on New York City subway. New York City? Hey, hey, hey. That's a place. Guy on New York City subway refused to move his satchel from the seat next to him so I can sit. Am I the asshole for sitting anyway? I boarded the train after work during peak hour. I noticed there was only one potential seat left in the train car. This well-kept guy had a double seat to himself, wearing good slacks, designer leather shoes, and a trench coat.

31:03Courtney Miller:He was sitting in the middle and had placed his satchel on the left of him. There was space next to his right, but not enough for me to sit comfortably. I tried to get his attention so I can ask him to move over. He had his earbuds on and looked straight ahead as I waved. I knew he could see me, so I leaned a bit over to be more in his field of view. He took his sweet time to look up at me. I politely asked for him to move a bit over so I could sit. He looked at me up and down, down and up, actively checking me out before saying, for you, I'd rather not. I am a diagnostic medical sonographer, having just got off a 10-hour shift at my hospital.

31:42Courtney Miller:I had a long day, which included finding advanced cancer in an eight-year-old. I wanted to sit. And I said, excuse me, seats aren't for your bag or for you to hog to yourself. He again checks me out in disgust before saying, I'm not arguing about a seat, especially with you looking like that. How was I looking? Tired, with my hair up in a messy bun. I'm somewhat average built, thick legs tall, in case you were wondering. So I said, I worked a long day, just like you, and there's no way you're implying that your bag is going to occupy a seat before a paying passenger. The vibe he was giving was very much a you're not worthy to be in my presence, let alone sit next to me peasant vibe.

32:21Courtney Miller:I was taken aback to be frank. Frank, he said, he said, like I already told you, I'm not arguing over a seat and then proceeded to stare ahead into the abyss again in the attempt to ignore me. The bitch switch was flipped at that point. That empty space to his right, I decided to wedge myself in. I was sitting one way or another and as I got to do so, he slides over so I end up brushing his lap and tried to push me from behind so I'd fall face first. He was on that type of petty time and I had the time too. He was short, definitely not as strong as me. So I stood my ground and wouldn't let him shove me face first.

32:57Courtney Miller:He's actively pushing me forward and I'm forcing myself to stay in place. In the scuffle, his man purse fell and the seat to his left was now completely available. So I sat like musical chairs. And boy, did he not like that I want a seat. He grabbed his man purse from the floor and decided to stand in front of me. I assumed to try and assert his frail male ego, I mean dominance over me. After a shouting match in which he quickly realized that I wasn't going to back down from, he then continued to go on a whole rant to himself about bitches gotta respect when they're not given a seat, and a bitch like me is probably ran through and no man wants bitches like that.

33:33Courtney Miller:Oh, and the fat bitches like me should be walking home, not taking a train. Sorry. What is going on? I don't know. This is New York City. No. Sorry, I consume food and not crack, sir. I looked him dead in his eye and laughed at him the entire time he also did not like that but I definitely wasn't going to have him think I wouldn't bust his ass if it came down to it I grew up with boys and I definitely could have taken on his Oompa Loompa self he ranted on and off throughout the entire 35 minute train ride before he got off he said don't get passed around too much this holiday and I laughed and said you must have me confused for your mama sir have a nice Thanksgiving am I the asshole for making my way into a seat I essentially paid for It's the greatest city in the world.

34:21It's the greatest city in the world. That is why you live in New York. Yeah. You want that.

34:28Joe Santagato:See, I understand why New York City could be overwhelming and scary for people. Because of stories like that. The subway is, at times, the Wild West. Totally. That is insanity, though. I mean, we've seen some stuff on the subway. That is... I could tell you as someone who grew up taking the subway, if I go to sit down and someone's like, no, I'm getting off the train. Because clearly there's something going on here and there's psychos on the train. So I'm not going to play this game. I'm certainly not going to assert myself and sit on his purse or whatever she said.

35:06Courtney Miller:She's tired, though. She gave her background of like the day she's had. She's like, I found... I think she knew that she was gonna get to the point where she was also giving it back to this guy. And she'd be like, I did find cancer in an eight-year-old, so let's take it with that as well. I'm assuming she's in scrubs or medical. Assuming, yeah. And I'm like, damn, so you're really gonna deny a medical professional?

35:29Joe Santagato:How far we've come from when they were... New York was like, they're heroes, and now he's calling her a bitch. It's literally... And it's also that scene in Harry Potter where Voldemort and Harry Potter, their wands are at each other. and they're like pushing each other. And she's like, I'm bigger than you. And he's like, I've got a purse and I'm a man.

35:46Courtney Miller:Yeah, from my perspective, he's like pushing her butt. Like she's like fighting back. It's like, okay, wow. I don't really like musicals.

35:53Joe Santagato:She also was trying to paint a very comedic picture. She's like, his man purse fell. Like, yeah, she was short. He was short and small and not strong.

36:04Courtney Miller:And also not strong. Yeah, no, she hates this man.

36:09Joe Santagato:I mean, I do too, from the sound of it. And what was his rule? He said something. Don't be bitches for bitches be bitches or something. Bitches got to respect when you deny them a scene. He started throwing out poetry. Right. Clearly, yeah. I mean, it was a beautiful haiku. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

36:25Courtney Miller:He had written those down. Yeah, he got them from somewhere.

36:28Joe Santagato:But I'd love to see what kind of podcast he listens to. Right.

36:31Courtney Miller:I think the L.A. equivalent is like when you're driving. Like, drivers in L.A. are crazy. When someone's doing some insane shit, I'm like, you know what? I'm not going to try to win here because you might have a gun. Yeah. And I'm scared of you. Yeah. So I kind of am, like, I let people get away with shit sometimes.

36:48Joe Santagato:Subway's one of those places, like, there's almost, it's like, you ever see the thing where it's like there's rules to, like, picking the urinal in a bathroom? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, if there is one seat open between two other people, leave it alone. Yeah. You don't take that. Really? Because you don't know why that's open. There's oftentimes you'll get on the subway and you'll see, like, a puddle of liquid of some sort. So, like, it's just best if you see. It might be for your own safety. Exactly. So it's kind of. They're like warning you. People also say that if you get on the, if you get in a train car and there's a lot of open seats.

37:18Get out. Also a problem.

37:20Joe Santagato:What's going on here? Too good to be true. What's going on here? Because like people that move into the city, they have to learn that. But like you learn it very, very quickly. Like we grew up and it was like characters, man. Character. Like literally like what you see online where like, you'll sit down and there'll be people like doing like breakdance flips in your face. and stuff like that. Literally do it like a backflip and it's like touching the hair of your nose. And you're like, they never hit anybody.

37:45Courtney Miller:It brushes your front hairs. Literally. That's so cool.

37:48Joe Santagato:Have you been on a subway at the time? Yeah, yeah.

37:50Courtney Miller:I've been on the subway in New York several times. It's just intimidating. I mean, New York in general intimidates me because I've grown up completely in the Southwest where there's just so much space. You're never like boxing with other people, like moving around. So like in New York, immediately you come out and you're just in crowds constantly. And everybody's so used to it. But in L.A., we meet people like every person you see, you kind of give the like, hey, how's it going? Like whatever, blah, blah, blah. You have to stop doing that immediately in New York because nobody's doing it to you.

38:21Courtney Miller:And also you run into 20 people immediately within the first five seconds. You can't say hello to 20 people on the street. You cannot. Also, I remember like one of the first times I was in Denver, I was walking around and some random lady was like, good morning. I was like, the fuck is that?

38:36Joe Santagato:Yeah. Yeah. No. What does she want? I don't have anything. What do you know? I was like, yo, we just left our Airbnb and she said good morning. Like, she's coming back tonight. Like, she knows we're staying there.

38:49Courtney Miller:Because it's Colorado. You're up in the Rockies. You may not see someone for two weeks. Yeah, dude. You get lost.

38:53Joe Santagato:Yeah. So I was like, the fuck? What is good morning? What is that? That doesn't make sense. Yeah, because I don't think I heard a good morning until I left, like, 18 when I went to college. Everything before that was just like, just grunts.

39:05Courtney Miller:Totally. Oh, or just nothing. I remember the first time I was in New York and I went to a CVS and he'd just get some random shit. And I truly was like, oh, thank you. And I think the cashier just looked at me dead in the face

39:15Joe Santagato:and was like, well, like those pleasantries at a certain point are inefficient. You get so tired. It's just like, don't please me, don't thank you because you're not getting it back.

39:26Courtney Miller:And it's kind of refreshing. I was like, this is cool. You guys, there's almost more of a connection between New Yorkers in that way.

39:31Joe Santagato:I mean, think about it like this. How long does it take you to say thank you? Half a second? Think of a half a second times 400 ,000 in a day. That's a lot of seconds. It's very true. So like New Yorkers are just like efficient, you know, like we don't need this. We don't need pleasantries.

39:45Courtney Miller:The verdict is not the asshole for her that she stood her ground, she fought. Oh, yeah. And they're on her side. Comments, as a lifelong New York City subway writer, this took too long. Refused to acknowledge you when asking for a seat? Don't ask again. Just sit, especially after a long day. He had it coming refusing to acknowledge you early on. I would have read into his outfit, sized up his knuckles, do less work than you, and be ready to throw hands. Enjoy the holiday. Sized up his knuckles? I don't even know what that means. Yeah. Just like pull up your pants and like square up. A lot of comments are thinking this story is fake.

40:20Courtney Miller:I honestly got that a little bit. Yeah. Someone else said, you don't sound like you're from New York City. This argument wasn't that significant. I've seen far more interesting things with no recording happening, including recently a far more dramatic seat-related one. I'm not sure if it actually happened or not, but your reasoning doesn't match the reality I've experienced plenty of times. Someone said, to be honest, this sounds perfectly Philly to me. Oh.

40:42Joe Santagato:Dude, Philly is another world.

40:43Courtney Miller:Yeah, I've heard.

40:45Joe Santagato:Philly is another world.

40:47Courtney Miller:I've never been to Philly, but... Sucks.

40:49Joe Santagato:I mean... He said it. I don't know of any Philly people in the house. We apologize. I just hate Philly like sports.

40:57Courtney Miller:Well, yeah, they win the Super Bowl and they destroy the city. But also the last time I was in Philly, I got sick and I was like, it's fucking city. They fucking did this to me. I got a flat tire and I was just like, this place sucks. Yeah, and he got a flat tire, same time. I was like, yeah, city sucks. We were like, let's find a way to blame Philly for everything.

41:13Joe Santagato:It's a very interesting place. I will say the line about like where he's like, don't get passed around during the holiday season. He was sitting there and he was thinking so hard. Like, I need to absolutely eviscerate her with something. And he came up with that.

41:26Courtney Miller:No, he's...

41:26Joe Santagato:Sucked.

41:27Courtney Miller:Yeah. Don't have a lot of sex over the holiday. What? Yeah. Yeah. The fuck? Am I supposed to be hurt by this? Lastly, someone said, fellow New York City strap hanger, not the asshole all day. He knows better than that. That guy is lucky that you weren't a crazy person. To be honest, I usually don't get into it with random people on the MTA because you never know if someone is unwell.

41:48Joe Santagato:Yeah. I mean, there have been videos that have come out of like crazy stuff. Oh, yeah. Just do, you're not gonna, whatever. I'll stand, you know. Totally. I'd also rather stand because there's the whole thing when you have a seat, at least for me, like when I have a seat, I'm like, first of all, when the train is packed, you got everyone's balls and they're right here. I'm like, I'm good. I don't need this.

42:09Courtney Miller:For sure. And people are like leaning because the train is. Why are the balls at your eyeline? Because I'm sitting down and they're standing. And they're all 6 '7". That's right. They're 6 '7". They're all really tall. But it's like everyone's crotch is right there. I'm like, I'm good. But also then you get into this thing where you want to offer your seat for somebody. Like, I remember when I was in high school, I would sit on, when I would get on the bus, it would be kind of packed sometimes, and a woman would get on the bus, and I'm like 17 years old, and this woman, I don't know, maybe she was like 40 or something, but I'm like, do I get up, or is she going to be offended that I think she's like geriatric, like, hey, sit down, grandma.

42:45Courtney Miller:Are you okay? Yeah, yeah, so I'm like, hold her hand. I'm overthinking too much, so I'm like, I'll just stand everywhere.

42:51Joe Santagato:There's also, I mean, the typical thing with being on any form of public transportation is like when you're sitting this close to someone, like when it stops, you guys are going to like bang together and rattle together. So just stand up. Just stand up and hold the pole that has every germ imaginable on it. And then lick your hand after. Lick your hand. Let's build the immune system. Get acclimated. Get acclimated, exactly.

43:13Courtney Miller:Yeah, exactly. You know what I mean? It's part of the New York experience.

43:17Joe Santagato:Who doesn't love some cholera or whatever it's called? What the fuck is that? Is that a new one? No, the color's been around. I'm not going to tell you about it. Go figure it out.

43:26Courtney Miller:All right. Our next story comes from Am I the Asshole, posted in November of 2023.

43:30Joe Santagato:It's a solid year. I mean, yeah. I don't know what happened. I don't remember. Barbie, Barbenheimer. Oh, Barbenheimer. Jesus, was that three years ago? It will be. I haven't seen either of them. It will be. They're good. It seems messed up that you didn't watch Barbie. We watched Barbie for the culture, obviously.

43:46Courtney Miller:Yeah, sure. Out of respect for...

43:49Joe Santagato:Someone here, if you don't watch Barbie, you hate women. Just want to tell you that.

43:53Courtney Miller:I want a lawyer. Am I the asshole for causing a scene after I, a 23-year-old man, lost a costume contest to a dog? Three. Put the age of the dog in there. The dog is three. The dog is three. Which is around the same age. So they're peers. We actually read this story about a year ago in one of our live shows, but we didn't tape it. So I'm very excited to be reading this here. It's an incredible one. I am genuinely losing my mind here. So I love Halloween. I love making costumes and put a lot of effort into it. My friend hosted a big Halloween party at her place and said there would be a costume contest for who had the best Halloween costume under$50.

44:35Courtney Miller:Third and second place would win$25 and first would win$50. So not a huge money prize, but enough to offset the price of the costume. And to me, it was more about the fun of the game. I wanted to win, so I pulled out all the stops and win a Zorro from One Piece and only had to buy$40 worth of material. When I got to the party, I saw other costumes and there were some fierce competitors, but honestly, I think I had the best costume. I thought maybe it was too obscure to people who don't know anything about anime and that might not go well, but it was a good costume. When the winners were announced, I got second.

45:08Courtney Miller:This bummed me out kind of, but hey, I still did well. And again, if I had went with something more ubiquitous, maybe people would have got it. However, the issue arose when they announced first place. First place was a dog dressed like a pirate in one of those shitty Party City pirate costumes. So if I had lost to another person, I wouldn't have cared. But I had a few drinks in me, and my inhibitions were lowered, and it was a fucking dog. So I out loud asked the host, really? The dog one? And she said yes and was gushing about how cute he looked. I said that it was a dog, and it didn't even have a say in what it was going as.

45:43Courtney Miller:I told her that this didn't seem exactly fair She told me to lighten up And that it was supposed to be fun I told her that it's ridiculous She's about to give the$50 prize to the owner For spending$20 on a cheap Walmart dog costume When me and whoever was in third place Actually made our costumes She got mad that I called her ridiculous And things kind of escalated into a full-blown argument That required my friend breaking us up I was then kicked out of the party For embarrassing the host like that So I don't think I'm the asshole Because obviously that's not fair If it was a dog costume contest, but having a bunch of people compete and lose to someone's inbred bulldog is so fucking unfair.

46:19Courtney Miller:I think I was justified in saying what I said. People there said that I should have just taken the 25 and called it a day. Am I the asshole? This is an I think you should leave sketch. Oh, yeah, 100%. The fucking dog one? What the fuck is he even wearing? He's a fucking dog. The dog can't even speak. Dude, that is so funny. Just digging your heels in.

46:46Joe Santagato:I am on board with this person. They are absolutely not the asshole. Yeah? I would have been right there, and I would have been veins popping out of my head screaming, it's a fucking dog.

46:58Courtney Miller:You would have joined his pirate crew.

47:00Joe Santagato:I would have been so mad.

47:01Courtney Miller:You have to imagine, he's drunk, dressed as Zorro from One Piece. Yeah. Fighting people.

47:06Joe Santagato:I like the pride that goes into putting a costume together. It's true. You put work into it and to just be absolutely, oh, I'm angry for this person. I think there's something hilarious about you're going to a costume party and then as soon as you get in there, you size everyone up being like, no, I got this shit. Yeah. It's like, bro, it's supposed to be fun. Like, what are we doing here?

47:28Courtney Miller:It's for$50. Yeah. Like, yeah. The first place prize, you win your money back, right? Like, that's kind of all it is because, like, okay, it has to be under$50. if you spend 50 bucks.

47:40Joe Santagato:The dollar amount doesn't matter. It's about pride. It's pride. Oh, he doesn't give a shit. It is 100 % about pride. If I lose to a dog in anything costume-related, I am absolutely... I mean, it was like, losing in a race?

47:54Courtney Miller:Yeah. If I get outrun by a dog, I'm like, I think you're gonna expect that. Anything costume-related, there's one thing that you could possibly... Scorched earth.

48:04Joe Santagato:Specifically dogs. Scorched earth. I'm absolutely, and everyone at the party is getting it. If I see anyone defending that dog, your costume sucks, you suck, every single person there. He's like, shut the fuck up, Batman, who asked you? Dumbass. Stay out of this, Green Lantern. This is between pirates right now.

48:23Courtney Miller:Yeah, because the dog is also a pirate. He lost to another pirate, but like a shitty pirate. Dude, and also getting kicked out, like on the way out, I'm just imagining, am I fucking nuts?

48:35Joe Santagato:Yeah. It's a dog. Yeah, like the kicking and screaming. You're dragged out of a party while the dog is just sitting there chewing on a bone or something. Everyone's like having fun and like talking and like having drinks. And he's like, is no one upset about this? We're being robbed. There's a conspiracy going on here. I mean, it would have gotten, and I'm a huge dog lover. I love animals. In that moment, I would have hated every dog on the planet. Because it would have been an affront to the human race.

49:04Courtney Miller:Yeah.

49:05Joe Santagato:You've won a costume contest, right? I have won a costume contest. What did you dress up as? Yeah, that's a good question. What did you dress up as? I've won two costume contests. Holy shit. Yeah. What was the second one? First one was at our...

49:17Courtney Miller:You should let a dog win one. It was at like our... You got two in the bag. Honestly, no.

49:22Joe Santagato:I would have been so pissed. It was at like our second grade Halloween and I dressed up as Goldberg from WCW. Wait, second grade? Yeah. Where? In a class? No, we had like the Halloween dance at school and I was Goldberg and I won because I was in character. I was giant and bold. Yeah. I was in character. That's why I won. I was walking around and I was like, you know. Okay. And then I won, I can't remember exactly what I dressed up as. Oh, you know what? It's coming to me right now. He was Two-Face. Yeah. Okay.

49:51Courtney Miller:Which one? Like from Dark Knight? Like Aaron Eckhart. Okay, yeah, yeah. You know? So it was like, it was a really good costume. So he was wearing a shirt and it was like,

49:59Joe Santagato:he like burned it. So it was like half burned or whatever. And the pants, I legit lit them on fire with Axe body spray. Most importantly, half his face as well was. No, no, no. We're very careful with what we say. It was a dark red, but in pictures it can appear to be darker. Yes. Ah, got it. So if you see a picture of it, you're like, what are you, Frank? It was a burgundy. And you won first place. I won. And let me tell you something. The judges. And if I had lost to a dog.

50:30Courtney Miller:Devastating. To a dog. The dog just with a Riddler hat on?

50:32Joe Santagato:I mean, I remember, it was at a bar. Drop it! What the fuck? I was at a bar, and it was like, the prize was like, it was like$200 in a bar. Oh, okay, damn. Yeah, and I had drank enough to warrant needing that.

50:48Courtney Miller:Bacardi 151.

50:49Joe Santagato:It will get you, you know, but I did win. And I remember the other people there were like Party City costumes. It was like dressed up as like Smurfs and stuff like that.

50:57Courtney Miller:Yeah, he walked in there and he broke the roof off. You cared.

51:00Joe Santagato:You also, you dressed as something. I just put on like a wig. A wig and glasses.

51:05Courtney Miller:Are you not a big costume guy? I mean, I didn't know that we were going out that day. Oh. I was like, oh, he's not. He's not a big Halloween guy. I'm not a big costume person either because we dress up so much here that I'm like, I don't want to do it. That face is my job. I'm like, yeah. I'm not like a huge Halloween person, but if I'm going to something, I think that you have to like dress up. Oh, yeah. Like I'm not going to go and just dress like this and everyone's in costume. I'm not going to do that. I'm above it. Like not. I gotta be respectful, but I'm not typically the one to put in a ton of effort.

51:34Joe Santagato:Are there any costumes you've put effort into that you're super proud of? There was a couple years ago, I mean, my wife really helped me get into it.

51:44Courtney Miller:The Ryan Gosling from Blade Runner.

51:49Joe Santagato:So you just dress up as another good-looking white guy? Okay, no. We did the whole makeup and we got the help. Oh, like a little blood on the side of his mouth because he got punched. I had a nosebleed and I was hot. Specific stuff. Who are you? Punched in the face? No, I'm Ryan Bosley.

52:07Courtney Miller:Okay, shit. The verdict was asshole. The verdict was like, hey, dude. I forgot what story we're on now. We're on the dog. Dog. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We lost to a dog. Oh, my God, yes. Hey, you got to kind of, you got to take it. Yes. This was their, look, they didn't establish a ton of rules, but, you know, the rules weren't laid out in writing. It's just like, hey, it's a costume contest. Now, if I am going into a costume contest and they tell me a dog is competing, I'm pulling out. Because you're going to lose. Dog is going to win. He's the asshole because he took it too far. No, absolutely.

52:39You're there for the party. It's not to win$50.

52:43Courtney Miller:Oh, that seemed to be all he cared about.

52:44Joe Santagato:Yeah, I have a question. Does this make me the asshole that it also would have depended on the type of dog?

52:49Courtney Miller:Well, it's a bulldog.

52:51Joe Santagato:I love bulldogs. Love them. But if I lost to a Pomeranian or a Chihuahua, I am furious. If it's a golden doodle or like a Labrador or something like that, I'm less angry, still furious.

53:04Courtney Miller:Comments, you're the asshole. I respect the work you put into your costume for the money you saved doing so. I also understand that you were frustrated with the whole situation and the alcohol didn't help. But here's the thing. You lost to a dog. Get over it. Your friend clearly likes dogs over people. And regardless of what the dog was dressed as, it probably would have won anyway. You recouped some of the money you spent. Apologize to your friend, the dog's owner, and anyone else you got into an argument with. There will be other Halloween parties in the future. Maybe just accept the invites for ones that are no pets allowed.

53:31Courtney Miller:Someone else said, why did you think that the dog wouldn't win? It's a dog dressed like a pirate. You're a dude dressed up like a dude. Of course the dog was going to win. If you had dressed like a dog, you might have won. You're the asshole. I love that he also, he was so mad he came home and he wrote this out. Also gave the alternative. Like if it was a dog contest and I pulled up and I was Zorro and I won. It's like, all right, dude. Valid. You're going crazy.

53:59Joe Santagato:Be honest.

54:00Courtney Miller:Yeah.

54:00Joe Santagato:Would you be angry?

54:02Courtney Miller:I'm trying to put myself in these shoes because I wouldn't compete because I don't care. Because you don't care.

54:06Joe Santagato:Yeah, yeah. Trying to lace up these boots.

54:11Courtney Miller:Sure, I'd be maybe a little annoyed, but I would not say anything. I would not be frustrated enough to say anything. The only possible way that I would be upset at something like this is if the prize was legitimate. Oh, yeah. If it was like a thousand bucks and you gave it to a dog, I'd be like, bro, what are we doing here? Yeah. But it's$50. I think I also love dogs. So if I saw a dog in a pirate costume, I'd be like, you got to give him first place. Yeah, yeah. Look at this little guy. Any other place but second also, I'd be like, how are you going to give it to that guy when this dog is right here?

54:45Courtney Miller:Yeah, exactly.

54:46Joe Santagato:You guys are better people than I am.

54:47Courtney Miller:It's also kind of an equalizer. If at the party you're like worried of like, I hope people aren't mad at each other for who got first place, give it to the dog so that nobody's mad at you. It's like, oh, we all lost to this dog. Yeah, yeah. You can't be mad at the dog. And it's 50 bucks. It's 50 bucks.

55:01Joe Santagato:But the dog isn't getting the 50 bucks. It's its owner is getting the 50 bucks. And he's going to use it on who knows what. I mean, it's fine. It's fine. So I will say this. I will recant and apologize if the owner, man or woman, or however they choose to identify, says like, I used that$50 to buy the dog a treat or food. Then I'm like, you know what? Okay, you did the right thing. But if they're just like, oh, look, we went out to lunch and I had a steak sandwich, doubling my anger. So you care what the people spend their money on? Absolutely, because that's my money they took.

55:36Courtney Miller:What's funny about this guy is he's not mad at the dog's owner. He's mad at the dog. Who even let this piece of shit in here? All right, let's move on. Our next story comes from Am I the Asshole? Another one from 2019. Am I the Asshole for telling a friend's friend that he couldn't keep the jackpot that he hit on my antique slot machine? About$700.

56:03I thought it was going to be like$700 ,000.

56:06Courtney Miller:Because you said jackpot. Well, a jackpot on like a little antique slot machine that he had in his house. $700. I'm aware of this story. I have read this story before long ago. It is a good one. I had a party at my house last night. I have an antique slot machine from the 1940s that is in absolutely spotless and working condition in my living room. My grandma was a showgirl. She got it while dating a count room guy prior to meeting my grandpa. Over the years, people have played it and maybe won a few quarters here and there. maybe a max of$50 at a time. As far as I know, the jackpot was never hit on it.

56:42Courtney Miller:So however it works, there was probably about$700 in the jackpot reserve that had built up over the years. I'd never bothered to have it cleaned out since it just seemed like a fun novelty. Well, a friend's friend hit the jackpot last night. I was fucking floored when he legit thought he could keep my$700. His case was he'd been playing with his own money and I would have kept his quarters. My argument was I'd be happy to give him his quarters back if he'd asked, but I'm not a casino, and while I'm not destitute, I can't afford to give someone$700. Argument caused the party to wind down, and one of my best guy friends basically told the guy he'd be in real shit if he tried to leave with the money, but the guy left threatening to come back with the cops and sue me in small claims court.

57:27Courtney Miller:I have no idea if that was realistic, but no cops came back. So was I the asshole for not letting him keep the money? This is crazy. What kind of person is this? That is. We've got all sorts of like different sorts of like old school villains. Like guy who collects yogurt. Yeah, yeah. Guy who hates dogs.

57:51Joe Santagato:From like the Batman 60s. The gambler. Come in here and leave your money, but don't win it. And I can't give you. Like, what are we doing?

57:58Courtney Miller:Yeah. It's not your money. I'm not a casino. Correct. So you have a collection of people's money. You're a thief. is what you are. I wish I could ask a lawyer, though. If cops come back, he's like, I was gambling. It's like, aren't you all in trouble? Like, is it the... Yeah, exactly.

58:14Joe Santagato:Excuse me, authorities. We just ran into a legal gambling ring.

58:18Courtney Miller:I have a slot machine that I'm running. Isn't that... You would get in trouble if you're operating it. I don't know. I don't know that shit.

58:25Joe Santagato:Dude, I kind of agree with you.

58:26Courtney Miller:I would need to know. Now, I would be pissed. There's a lot of different situations. If I had the slot machine in my house and I was just putting quarters in it every day and then a friend came over and put one quarter in and then won all the money that I had been putting into it, I'd be like, hey, like, that's, I've been putting money into this thing for a long time. But it's also like...

58:44Joe Santagato:I mean, but if you, as the owner of the slot machine, are allowing other people to play, you are, in theory, like, relinquishing the opportunity that they might win. It might be a really small percentage.

58:56Courtney Miller:You need to keep tabs on who all's putting money.

58:58Joe Santagato:So, like, either you don't let them play and they don't get anything in there or you do let them play and they get the opportunity to win it. Right? Am I crazy? And it's$700.

59:08Courtney Miller:Like, that's a lot of money. That's a lot of money. That's a lot of money. $700 and quarters, too.

59:13Joe Santagato:And they're, like, doing it with the shirt where they're like, oh! Oh! They're like, whoa! Yeah, they're like, what?

59:19Courtney Miller:You need to walk over to them and be like, why don't we get you a steak dinner, huh? Yeah, exactly. And walk off with them.

59:23Joe Santagato:Yeah, we'll count that for you. I'm thinking about the feng shui of this living room.

59:30Courtney Miller:Yeah, where is it? Because this has got to be a pretty decent-sized slot machine.

59:33Joe Santagato:Dude, you know how good it probably feels to crank that son of a bitch down?

59:37Courtney Miller:A 1940s one? Well, you still can crank them at like, you can also just press the button.

59:43Joe Santagato:Stupid.

59:43Courtney Miller:Just fake.

59:44Joe Santagato:I hate the button. I need the old school ones. Even the computerized ones. I'm like, these are, they're rigged. I'm never going to win anything. I'd like to crank pretty much everything. Whoa. On camera? Nope. Pretty much everything, though. Like, if I could turn on the electricity of my house with that, like, switch. Like that? I'm into that. Yeah, like the Tower of Terror. Yeah, like Frankenstein, that kind of thing.

1:00:06Courtney Miller:No, it sucks. I think about this with modern cars, how it's all electric panel stuff. I miss, I want to dial things.

1:00:12Joe Santagato:We have said this, we have lost out on buttons, levers. Levers are so sick. I love levers. We need them. I also like the roll down of like, what the fuck are you saying? I want that as an option. Because if I'm going to yell at someone, the effort going into rolling this down, it makes it more like, Yeah. You know what I need? You can keep everything. Give me back the phone. Give me back the what? Fucking. And just hang it up. You know what I mean? Slam it down. Or like a payphone. And you're just beating the payphone. It's not the same. Like being able to just be like, what? Bang. And then just the sound of the click.

1:00:50Or like even a flip. Like if we have to go there, like that's fine.

1:00:53Joe Santagato:Or even like the old phones. Like you can just, what? Bang, bang, bang. And you're like dialing in. Yeah. Like I slam it like, you know,

1:01:02Courtney Miller:We have nowhere to put our rage nowadays. I know, dude. I mean, slamming. I've done that so many times just because it's for fun. I'm like in a movie. You just press the button on your iPhone and then just. Well, the iPhone is so wet. You just break it. All right, whatever.

1:01:19Joe Santagato:It sucks. It does nothing for me. It does nothing for me. It sucks. Let me throw this. I mean, pillows. Pillows get a lot of it in my house.

1:01:26Courtney Miller:No, but you're talking about tough buttons and clicking things and stuff. Oh, keyboards. Smashing keyboards. I saw recently someone was showing, like, oh, for their baby, they made one of those, like, busy boards where it's a bunch of, like, things. And I remember looking at it and being envious of this baby. Yes. Of, like, I miss that. I want that.

1:01:46Joe Santagato:They have one where it, like, it has, like, buttons, a knob, you know, like a dial that, like, clicks. I have that. And I do you? I have one, yeah. I legitimately have one of these squares.

1:01:58Courtney Miller:My sister bought it for me. No, it's fucking awesome. I mean, look, I still drive like a 2012 Honda Civic, so it's still got all the buttons and shit. And I'm like, this is prime. Yeah. This is luxury now. Absolutely volume should be on a piece. Oh. Yeah. Just to like this. I don't want to just be like. Oh, my God.

1:02:17Joe Santagato:Or this. You know how like some of the steering wheels have like the volume of control on there? Yeah, I'm not into it. Bring us back to the times where we could crank. Crank it. Yeah.

1:02:26Courtney Miller:So maybe you could argue, if you are operating this slot machine, but you need to have this in writing of like, hey, you are paying money to experience the joy of the crank. It's not about gambling.

1:02:38Joe Santagato:There's so many other ways to explain that.

1:02:42Courtney Miller:You get to crank it. You want to enjoy this crank?

1:02:46Joe Santagato:Right in my living room? Give me a quarter.

1:02:48Courtney Miller:Also, grandma,

1:02:51Joe Santagato:former showgirl. We know what that was. What's going on? Fuck yeah, that's awesome. In the 40s?

1:02:56Courtney Miller:You know Grandpa hated that slot machine. Yeah, yeah. He's like, this is my most prized possession. Got it from my ex. And he's just like, fuck this thing. God damn it. Yeah. I feel like also, if I'm going to my friend's house and he has one of these things, and I'm like, oh, like a thing. And he's like, yeah, you got to put quarters in. I'm like, no. What? Yeah, switch it for a tap or something. How do a lot of his friends have quarters? That's another thing.

1:03:18Joe Santagato:Who's got change? Cherry and cash? No way.

1:03:20Courtney Miller:The verdict is asshole. Comments, you're the asshole. You left money in the machine knowing people might win some of it. You were perfectly fine letting people use it as though it were real and keeping their money if they didn't win and let the jackpot build. And now that someone actually won, you don't want it to be real anymore. 15 ,000 upvotes. Someone said, I think this is the best comment here. Originally, I was going with not the asshole because I thought it was a bit tacky for the friend to think he should get a payout from a novelty machine that's in someone's home. But I think you're right, and I agree with you're the asshole.

1:03:50Courtney Miller:OP knew there was a possibility of someone hitting the jackpot eventually and never made it clear with his friends what his expectations were if anyone ever hit it. And if he never intended to pay out any winnings, then he should have had a policy in place where he gives people their losses back instead of keeping their money. Someone else said not the asshole. I don't usually post in here, but seeing everyone claim you're the asshole for not giving this dude$700 seems asinine to me. He could not have had the same expectation here as he would in a real casino of winning a bunch of money. I doubt it is even legal anywhere in the U.S.

1:04:21Courtney Miller:to do that, so why would he expect it at some guy's house? You weren't exactly smart about this, or previous times, but you're not the asshole for not giving him$700. I'm assuming that you didn't rack up the$700-plus from other people's money. If so, then you are running an illegal casino, and not only do you owe that guy the$700, but you're also treading thin ice that the cops don't bust down your door. In the future, don't let people play with their own money. Clean the machine out and let people play using your quarters. There will never be hard feelings that way. 11 ,000 upvotes. Who's that dork?

1:04:56What the heck?

1:04:56Courtney Miller:That's a guy who knows casino law. Hey, you're skating on thin ice here. The police can't. Shut up.

1:05:02Joe Santagato:Well, that's grandma's ex-boyfriend that said that. That's exactly who said that. I used to work in an account room.

1:05:07Courtney Miller:I know this stuff. We have an update. Oh. So OP made a lot of edits and updates to this post, up to 12. so we picked some of our favorites and trimmed for time. Okay, so he wrote, edit. Sorry, guys, I can't answer such witticisms as why are you so shitty? Because I've been banned. Wow, so since I'm a baby gangster who has been running an illegal gambling operation, both things that have been said, I might as well just go whole hog and start running guns and pimping underage Andean alpacas to people who would pay for the privilege. I'm really that bad? I just thought I had a cool thing my step-grandma got by banging a dude from the count room.

1:05:44Courtney Miller:Got it. There it is. Jesus Christ. Edit three, got to address this one directly. If this was really last night, give it a week or a month and see how many friends, especially mutual friends, are no longer talking to you. Forget our votes. Listen to those. Also forget small claims. You need to worry more about hearing from your state's gambling commission. And he was lying about much he put into the machine, too. He said$75. Who the fuck walks around, much less even gets$75 in quarters when going to a party at a stranger's house? and in addition I will gladly gladly call our state gaming commission Arizona and ask what trouble I might be in I will also update on when I can people can't be this dramatic in real life I'm a ducking Instagram influencer for my job the phoniest most vapid saddest job a person can have right now and I'm still blown away by some of these comments call me you're the asshole all you like but don't be stupid and claim to have knowledge you don't in the process edit number seven.

1:06:42Courtney Miller:Jeez. This guy. Holy fuck. I think he's getting asshole because everyone's just like, you guys, shut up. Just relax. You're chronically online. If you're bringing up the gaming commission, I'm out. Yeah. Like the

1:06:55Joe Santagato:condescending, like, oh, I'm a baby gangster. Like, ew.

1:06:58Courtney Miller:Now you are an asshole. And then he brought up he's an influencer, and so we're all just gonna hate you now. Immediately, yeah. The most vapid job you could have. Listen, I am an asshole. I'm the worst person anyone knows. Edit seven. Info we need to know where the money came from. Did the money in the machine come from you putting it in or playing the machine? So this is all guesswork based on what my grandma said the jackpot could hold. There's a window that shows the coins in the jackpot. The space behind is about the size of a big shoebox. She said it gets full at$800. It was more than half when she and my grandpa gave it to me.

1:07:32Courtney Miller:I always guessed$500. In five years, it's now seven eighths full. I play it from time to time, so I'd say$100 of that is mine, and$100 is friends. I think the jackpot and normal payouts come from different boxes, so last night was the last night I've ever seen that window empty. I know nothing of the machine or how it works or how to change settings, so I may be so wrong, and a slot machine nerd could correct me if I'm way off base. Edit number 10. This dude wins the comments for all time. Someone commented, I bet you look like Jared Fogle or some shit. Jesus. My God. People hate him.

1:08:12Joe Santagato:I mean, and yeah.

1:08:13Courtney Miller:Yeah. Well, I bet you look like a pedophile, man. How about that? Hit you with that. Edit 11. So the plot thickens. Thank you to some very helpful people who own slot machines who DM'd who were also able to suggest experts in my area. I was able to call a local person who works on antique slot machines. My slot machine is highly customized, but it's based around a pretty well-known model from that era. Don't want to say exactly because only a few of them exist anymore. And he said, I could tell right away if the machine was broken or had been tampered with. In my very, very, very amateur job of checking it over, it does appear that this little piece is either broken or misplaced.

1:08:50Courtney Miller:So it looks like this piece of shit guest actually broke my machine to steal my money. There wasn't a jackpot at all. I don't have confirmation of this until the repair guy is able to come later this week, but it looks like that's what happened. The guy said there's an outside chance that if that piece was broken or tampered with, that it was an accident, but he wouldn't bet on it. I still don't care if I'm the asshole till the cows come home. Posting here has probably allowed me to get to the bottom of this, and fuck that guy. Final edit, edit 12. This is wild. And we are skipping other edits.

1:09:21Joe Santagato:There are more additions here than there are like Harry Potter books at this point.

1:09:25Courtney Miller:Yeah, it's kind of like, hey man, maybe you're not the asshole for the situation. You're the asshole, just kind of as a person. Just in general in life on earth. Just as a person. Yeah. Also, I don't care. I don't care. 12 edits. Oh, yeah. You care. You care. Edit 12. Well, the amazing and level-headed moderators of this sub just ever so politely informed me that I will not be allowed to update this post. So the short story is the winner almost certainly was hitting the machine and caused the jackpot to spill out. So had I been a real casino, I would have enacted the malfunction, voids, all pays, and plays clause.

1:09:56Courtney Miller:So, yeah, I was totally in the right. Fuck this sub. Fuck the moderators. and fuck those of you on your stupid high horse. Most of you, however, were cool.

1:10:07Courtney Miller:Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. So are you? Most of you. Pretty rad. Most of you guys, though, you're friends. You guys are good. Everyone agreed with me. Yeah. I mean, it's just. This guy is sweating at his laptop. Dude, I mean, I would pay$700 to not care about that. That's crazy. I mean, I guess they now learn the law and the name of the clause. He took a class. He went to law school. If I'm the person who won the$700, at that point, I'd be like, dude, keep it. Like, relax.

1:10:35Joe Santagato:Also, I guess influencing is not going well. A lot of time. A lot of time. A lot of time.

1:10:40Courtney Miller:Yeah, a lot of time. Hey, man.

1:10:41Joe Santagato:If this is from the 40s, people collect like vintage coins and stuff like that. So if there are coins from like the 40s and 50s in there that are worth something, you know.

1:10:51Courtney Miller:Yeah, some of her grandma's ex's coins are in there.

1:10:53Joe Santagato:Yeah. There's Pirates of the Caribbean treasure. in this thing. There's cursed coins in there.

1:11:03Courtney Miller:All right. Our final story. Oh, boy. All right. We've been saving this story for a long time. So you guys should be thankful.

1:11:12Joe Santagato:I'm very honored. Honestly, yeah. And nervous we might mess it up, but that's another thing.

1:11:15Courtney Miller:No, no, don't worry about it. This comes from Ask Reddit, and this was posted in 2022. How would you get a small cylinder, 5.1-inch length, 4.5-inch girth, unstuck from a mini M &M's tube filled with butter and microwaved mashed bananas. Sorry. This is... Who did this? Well, uh... I can't finish it. Can we go from the top? Yeah, sorry.

1:11:43Joe Santagato:Just so I can get all of the ingredients. I'm also gonna be doing measurements here, so... Yeah, go ahead.

1:11:48Courtney Miller:How would you get a small cylinder, 5.1 inch length, 4.5 inch girth, unstuck from a mini M &M's tube filled with butter and microwaved mashed banana. I'm gonna say that without laughing. Filled with butter and microwaved mashed banana. Yeah. Yeah, huh. Yeah. So that's the post. Keep reading. Oh, that's the post. That's the post. Well, he's asking a question. He's asking a question. How would you get a cylinder out of a cylinder? Yeah, I mean, I think, you know, he's fucking the hell out of that thing.

1:12:32Joe Santagato:100%. He's going to town. There's no cylinder. And also, M &M's cylinder? Call it a butthole, dude. You stuck something up your butt, and you're trying to figure out how to get it out.

1:12:45Courtney Miller:A mini M &M's tube filled with butter and microwave mashed banana. Well, we have a bunch of comments here, and I feel like this story. Oh, yeah, we do. OP is extremely active in the comments. He's desperate. He's desperate. You want to get multiple accounts. I don't think there's, no matter how you interpret this, it's a bad situation. Yeah. He probably should go to the hospital.

1:13:03Joe Santagato:Probably on the line with like an MD clinic or something.

1:13:06Courtney Miller:But he's saying it's a cylinder. Yeah, yeah. He's saying it's a cylinder. It is. I mean, aren't they all? Allegedly. Yeah. So someone commented, LMFAO, the comments OP replies with are hilarious. It's your dick, bro. You stuck your dick in a mini M &M tube of butter. Go take a cold shower and relax. Opie said, it's a cylinder.

1:13:29Hold on. No one's talking about my penis. It's a cylinder. My penis is unrelated.

1:13:34Joe Santagato:Whoa, whoa, whoa. Cylinder, guys. It's a cylinder.

1:13:37Courtney Miller:Right. Someone said, does the cylinder go all the way to the end of the tube? If not, it might be safe to create a small hole in the plastic at the very end to equalize the pressure.

1:13:49Joe Santagato:Who's this guy? Yeah. Another guy who's fucked a mini M &M tube. Spent a lot of time in high school chemistry class. He spent a lot of time in M &M tubes. Let me ask you a question. You up against the back of this thing? Is it vacuum sealed? Yeah, you blowing the sides out or you scraping the back?

1:14:04Courtney Miller:So what are we looking at here, huh? Yeah. OP responded, I don't want to risk a blade coming that close to the cylinder.

1:14:15Joe Santagato:Hell yeah. All right.

1:14:18Courtney Miller:The cylinder must not be harmed. Of course. I mean, it's sensitive. It's sensitive.

1:14:22Joe Santagato:I love how he also had the exact measurements of the cylinder. Right. Where he's like 5.1. Yeah. Girth of 4.5. 4.5.

1:14:31Courtney Miller:That's how a cylinder typically is. That is correct. I do appreciate that the mashed banana was microwaved as well. Yeah, you got to appreciate that.

1:14:39Joe Santagato:I mean, well, they're going for realism here. It's the details. Yeah, they're trying.

1:14:43Courtney Miller:We actually had a story we read in a previous episode where a guy was talking about that with a Pringles can filled with banana peels. Who is this? Who is that?

1:14:53Joe Santagato:Who is, who are you talking to? Is this Andre the Giant? That's Oliver from the previous story. He was putting his foot in it? So I have this five-gallon compound bucket.

1:15:07Courtney Miller:Imagine you're at the snack aisle of a grocery store, and you're looking between the Pringles cans and the mini M &M's bottles, and the guy's like, need any help? Well, yeah.

1:15:16Joe Santagato:That's a very humbling decision to make, just like.

1:15:19Courtney Miller:Which size are you looking for? There's got to be something in between. For the cylinder, I'm looking for. Someone said, wait. OP said, it's been three hours. The cylinder hasn't changed size yet. That's the problem. I feel like he's admitting at that point. Like, the cylinder changes size. Right.

1:15:39Joe Santagato:Yeah, I mean, maybe, you know, stand out in the cold for a couple minutes. Well, there's a... And cold does things scientifically to things.

1:15:48Courtney Miller:But the problem is if the pressure's there, it's going to be... There's a constriction. It's a vacuum. It's more of a ring. Yeah.

1:15:56Joe Santagato:Yeah. Really holding in the blood. No, but like between the end of the cylinder and the M &M thing, that area right there, like you could split the atom with the amount of pressure in there. That's a full real vacuum.

1:16:09Courtney Miller:Yes. Yeah, yeah. I wish we had a mini M &M's tube here. So maybe I just haven't had one in a while. Dude, mini M &M's. Are they still around? Yeah, you pop the top like a... They're little. Yeah, they're not very like... Well, okay, Emily, I'm sorry. Emily, you said they're little and you went like this. Yeah, she's like, they're little. What M &M's tube? Excuse us. Because there are the ones that you get for the holidays. Do you know those? Like the clear plastic? And those are like... Yeah, it's out of control. Like when you get...

1:16:35Joe Santagato:Like they have like the candy cane.

1:16:37Courtney Miller:And they kind of have like the top that's like a character or something. Yeah, those are too big. They probably hurt. They're absolutely ridiculous. They hurt. They don't... They're overkill, some might say. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, probably. Yeah, way too much. Don't need all that. It doesn't fit or whatever. No, a mini M &M's tube, some would say, not mini. Some would say, fair. What? All jokes aside. Yeah. The mini M &M's tube, the way that I'm thinking about it right now, is mad small. There's a blue tube.

1:17:04Joe Santagato:They're like this. They're like this. No. The mini M &M's tubes? Brother, brother, brother. No, they're like this. They're like this. No, no, I'm talking about the opening, dude. Oh, the opening? Yeah. They're small.

1:17:16Courtney Miller:It's pretty small. Because, yeah, you can barely get, like, a finger in there. That's what I'm saying. So how would you possibly... You definitely can't get two fingers into there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually do think... I mean, you can't. When I'm trying to eat my mini M &Ms, you kind of... You can't, like... You don't pull the M &Ms out. You just kind of, like... Two fingers? How fucking hungry are you, dude? I'll be honest. Starving. I love mini M &Ms. He's attacking it like a honey badger. Yeah. He's going in, like, Winnie the Blue.

1:17:39Joe Santagato:He's just like, give him! Turn it upside down. I'm honestly shocked that they don't come with a hole in the back of them because there have been instances where candy and toys, they'll have like... Where like cylinders get stuck in them. Yeah, they can get stuck over the mouths of people and it could cause breathing issues. That's a real thing that happened. Whoa. Jesus. It happened with Pokeballs in the 90s. Remember the Burger King Pokeballs? I love how people are nodding their heads. Everyone's nodding. Thank you so much. They all know exactly what you're talking about. In the 90s, Burger King had like Pokeball toys that came for like the movie that came out.

1:18:13Joe Santagato:And someone put it over, a kid put it over their nose and mouth and it suffocated them.

1:18:19Courtney Miller:Remember the ones that had the gold cards inside of them? Or like smaller ones.

1:18:23Joe Santagato:I collected all of those. Yeah, me too. I had them all, dude. Let's go. Collecting. They put holes in the back of them now so it doesn't do that. Remember like the lip challenge that people were doing? The same idea. Got it. So I'm shocked that many M &Ms don't have that. So, like, you can just rip this thing right off your crank. I don't think that they're planning on people fucking the life out of one.

1:18:43Courtney Miller:You have to assume some dude out there is going to try.

1:18:47Joe Santagato:Yeah. A lot of people are, like, saying yes to that in the room. What is going on with the people in this room? I imagine that when M &Ms as a company, Mars, I think.

1:18:56Courtney Miller:Mars, yeah, you're correct.

1:18:58Joe Santagato:When they establish, like, you know, listen. What if we make it in this tube? One person had to have raised their hand and just say, guys, do we know what we're doing here? Yeah.

1:19:08Courtney Miller:And they said, you're a pervert. Yeah. And he was like, all right. Yeah. Fine. The one scientist at Mars was like, we got to be really careful with what we're doing here.

1:19:18Joe Santagato:I'm shocked. I'm shocked this person had to ask for help. Butter and mashed banana, that's a seasoned tube sex haver. Yeah, yeah. Like, this person knows what they're doing. This ain't the first time this has happened.

1:19:31Courtney Miller:Yeah. His whole pantry. You don't start there. He's fucked everything. Yeah, you don't start there. the food pyramid and you land you land in that guy's pantry if you're a container of some sort the tube of Jif butter is like first time here welcome you get used to it don't worry yeah yeah yeah like anyways there's one final comment left by OP and he just said hospital yeah yeah so yeah you gotta you gotta go you gotta bite the bullet and you gotta go and be like all right listen there's a cylinder somewhere on my body and you know the doctor's just like just let somebody see it we like the doctor has seen it before the doctor's probably so chill yeah and it's just like wow there's a lot of that that actually goes on like i know uh through someone that i know sure who's a doctor okay yeah i'm trying to yeah yeah how many degrees away from me can i get goes to another school no it's one of my brother's friends is a doctor and he used to tell him stories all the time.

1:20:34He's like, yeah, some guy came in.

1:20:36Courtney Miller:He's got like something in his anal cavity. Totally. You know what I mean? So these are probably, it's not that crazy if you're a doctor. You're like, yeah, okay, what do we got today? Tube? Yep.

1:20:45Joe Santagato:Yeah.

1:20:45Courtney Miller:Yeah. No, it's just normal for them.

1:20:47Joe Santagato:Have we gotten any updates since or as far as we know, they're still in the hospital?

1:20:51Courtney Miller:They might still be there. The cylinder is, we don't know the state of the cylinder.

1:20:56Joe Santagato:I have a question for you.

1:20:57Courtney Miller:Yeah.

1:20:58Joe Santagato:Say you do this.

1:20:59Courtney Miller:Okay.

1:21:01Joe Santagato:Where's this going? All right. You keeping that as like a relic? Collector.

1:21:06Courtney Miller:Am I collecting the two-by-fuck?

1:21:09Joe Santagato:Full circle. It's not yogurt. But like, do you hold on to it and you just like keep it on your mantle and you're just like, I won. Keep it on your mantle.

1:21:17Courtney Miller:You'd have to assume that the doctors are able to remove it without having to take it apart. You'd put it back together. You'd put it back together. No, I'm throwing that thing away and I'm never telling anyone ever. Really? Also on the mantle with like your grandma's ashes. Like, oh, so what's the M &M tube? Yeah. I wouldn't want anyone to ever see it or touch it. It's for you. You don't need to tell anyone. I don't need that either. It's a special. No. No. That's a collection I definitely don't want. Yeah. Anyways, we're ending on that note.

1:21:45Joe Santagato:Unbelievable. Thank you for saving that for us.

1:21:47Courtney Miller:Of course. No, I'm glad we did. Thank you guys so much. This was a blast. Thank you. This was a blast. I'm very excited. You guys are going to be on or have already been on other stuff on Smosh. Yes. I think you're going to be on the games channel, Smosh Mouth. Yeah, it's going to be fun. We're going to have more fun. But this was awesome. Thank you for having us. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for saving that wonderful story. Of course. And for giving Frank ideas as well. Thank you so much.

1:22:15Joe Santagato:I'm going to text you pictures of exotic yogurts, I find. Okay. Just so you know. Oh, I thought you were about to say. I'm not having sex with any two.

1:22:24Courtney Miller:You said, I'm going to text you, and I was like, what? No, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, yogurts is fine.

1:22:29Joe Santagato:But if you ever come over and you see a mini M &M tube on my mantle, you know what happened. I'll be very scared.

1:22:34Courtney Miller:All right. All right. Anyways, thank you both for being here and thank you all for watching and we'll see you next Saturday. Bye. Thanks again to DoorDash for sponsoring this episode of Reddit Stories.