You Can't Live With Them... | Reading Reddit Stories

7:31Damien Haas:Yeah. They had different expectations of what they wanted out of a roommate situation. It's, you know, there's always that stuff where it's like, well, I could live with Natalie or I could live with Jennifer, but like, okay, we're gonna live together because we're best friends. And if Jennifer's gone the whole time, you're like, well, shit, I could have lived with Natalie. Yeah, for sure. And also, if they did freshly graduate college at the same time, you know, the roommate that's stuck at home is missing that social aspect, whereas, you know, the OP gets to be like, yeah, they're living on campus and I play video games with the roommates and it's like, we're never left.

8:05Damien Haas:So, no, nobody's wrong. It just has to be a conversation of like, I am sad and I miss you, but also sometimes the work has to be done internally of like, you miss your friend, you miss social lives. Well, you gotta go find it.

8:22Tommy Bowe:Time to go looking. Gotta do it.

8:24Damien Haas:Hop on FaceTime with a friend while you clean and then go to a social thing.

8:30Shayne Topp:Comments, the first comment here is long and it says, it's a big boy. It's a big comment. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. As the rest of the commenters so far said, it's your life and your relationship. I'd only add to offer a bit of perspective from your roommate. From your post, I assume that you knew each other before and you and your roommate also have a relationship. Just because it isn't romantic doesn't mean that there aren't emotions involved. She likely misses you and had a certain expectation of living with a roommate during college years, and these expectations aren't realistic now.

9:03Shayne Topp:That can either be just her inner fantasy script not being met and bugging her on a self-image aspirational level, or she could legitimately be hurting emotionally because she's your friend and she misses you. There's people who completely disappear into relationships and that can veritably suck for the rest of their friends. I don't know if that's the case, but that might be how she sees it either way. My advice would be to talk to her on that emotional basis. Is she hurt? Does she understand that your choice of living your relationship how you want to doesn't mean you don't like her? Would an evening activity once a week at your place make her happier?

9:36Shayne Topp:Or is another roommate better for her expectations of cohabitation. That is, of course, if you care to salvage the relationship with your roommate. Either way, spending time with your boyfriend and sleeping over is not weird. OP said, yes, she and I were already friends prior to living together. I think you hit the nail on the head, and I've been feeling like maybe we should have a heart-to-heart about this so I can make sure she's getting what she needs from me as a friend. I make sure we have plans together, just us, at least every few weeks. But she might be wanting more than that. Thanks for the kind advice.

10:05Shayne Topp:Someone else said, it's not your roommate's business if your boyfriend has roommates, that you should be worried about and think about contributing to that place in food slash utilities. Someone said, has she actually verbalized that she thinks your relationship is unhealthy or are you just projecting what you think she'd say about it? Sounds to me like she just misses her friend and doesn't know how to say it. Not that she necessarily has issues with the relationship itself. I do think that other comment brings up something interesting. She's at her boyfriend six days a week. She's their roommate.

10:35Shayne Topp:That's right. to a degree. That's what I thought

10:37Damien Haas:this post was going to be about. Yeah, like my roommate's sad. I'm like, huh? Yeah. Because I've been in that situation where I've had to have the conversation of like, hey, your partner has been here almost every day. Every single day for the last month. And she basically lives here now and I didn't want that. I should be able to, if you are gone from the apartment, I should be able to know that I'm like, oh, no one's here. I'm like, oh, why are you here without boyfriend? That's weird. Yeah.

11:06Shayne Topp:And your car is in our driveway, too. Oh, can you move it so I can get to work, please? Yeah, so now we have six cars in our driveway.

11:15Damien Haas:Fun. Oh, I forgot about that.

11:17Shayne Topp:Yeah. I was just speaking in hypotheticals. That did happen. That did 100 % happen to us. Guess it happened to me more than once.

11:23Damien Haas:Oh, fun. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, good.

11:25Shayne Topp:It's a lot of people and a lot of cars. It was a lot of people in one place. It sure was. Okay, mini update. Okay. Good news.

11:49Damien Haas:Wait, sorry. So is that a confirmation of the last comment where they're like, are you just projecting or have you talked to her? It's like, okay, I'll talk to her. Okay, actually, she doesn't mind at all. This post, nothing happened.

11:59Tommy Bowe:Actually, nothing's wrong at all.

12:01Damien Haas:My roommate's mad at me. I think. Maybe. Hey, guys. Turns out she's not.

12:05Shayne Topp:Can I say, though? A good 15 minutes spent. That is.

12:10Damien Haas:She.

12:10Shayne Topp:Yeah.

12:12Damien Haas:Damn. Thank you. Thank you. I do think that's the perfect use of these subreddits, though. Yeah.

12:18Shayne Topp:It's just like, hey, like, am I crazy about this situation? It's just like, well, have you talked to them? It's like, okay, I'll talk to them. But you got to talk about it with anonymous people online first.

12:27Damien Haas:And just kind of hear yourself type it out. But it is funny. I feel like these Reddit stories are always one way or the other when someone's like, I'm just going to go have a conversation. Either it's like, hey, guys, it turned out to be nothing. Or it's like, hey, it turns out my roommate has been drawing me as a little piggy

12:43Shayne Topp:and has been trying to make me turn into one. And sleeping under my bed at night. Saying oink, oink, oink as I sleep.

12:48Damien Haas:Yeah, trying to make me think I'm a little piggy.

12:50Shayne Topp:When I'm at my boyfriend's, she dresses up as me and pretends to be me at our apartment all day and all night. Ah, dude, that would suck. Anyways. And maybe I am a bacon boy. You're a little bacon boy and ham is a carcinogen now. Oh, that's right. And that's not good for you. This episode of Reddit Stories is sponsored by ZocDoc. We read stories about people finding their perfect match on the show every week, but it shouldn't just stop at finding the perfect boyfriend or the greatest roommate. You need to find the perfect doctor for you. That's why I use ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free app and website that helps you find and book high quality in-network doctors so you can find someone you love.

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14:01Shayne Topp:Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash pitreddit to find and instantly book a doctor you love today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash pitreddit. ZocDoc.com slash pitreddit. Thanks, ZocDoc, for sponsoring this message.

14:20Damien Haas:Where am I?

14:22Shayne Topp:Back to the show. Our next story.

14:25Damien Haas:I have a quick question for you. Yeah, what's up? Yeah, no, we're not moving on.

14:28Shayne Topp:We're not moving on from Christ. Just wait for one second.

14:31Damien Haas:As I was walking in to do this, I caught Angela on the way out, and she was asking her. Caught her. She was on the run. I caught her. And so finally, so she's still out there. No, I asked her, I was like, how many times should I say, and they were roommates in this episode, like what would be the funny amount? And she said 69. So if we could just take some time in between stories if we need a break, where I could just say it under my breath 69 times. Okay. Well, you don't have to say it in sequence.

14:56Tommy Bowe:Not if we can help it. And there were roommates in the room. And there were roommates in the room.

15:01Damien Haas:All right, that was about 1 ,200. Yeah. We're done. Okay. Thank you.

15:05Tommy Bowe:Solid. Hey, Shane. Story number two. Okay. Story number two. Hit it.

15:12Shayne Topp:I'm a jukebox now. Our next story comes from... Am I the asshole? Our next story comes from Am I the Asshole? Yes. This was posted back in August of 2020. Bad year. Hmm. Ha! Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Am I the asshole for moving out mid-lease and stranding my roommate with full rent after his girlfriend keeps accusing me of being creepy? This could go one of two ways.

15:44Tommy Bowe:Yeah, we're going full force in one of the directions here.

15:47Shayne Topp:Yeah. So I've been living with my current roommate for two years now. I'm actually subletting, and I'm on my second year, which is month to month. But we've had an unofficial verbal agreement that I'd stay until the end of the year. I mean, it's a pandemic. I didn't think I'd move either. Anyways, his girlfriend moved in at the beginning of this year. It's been a lot. She's obviously had some trauma in the past. I didn't dig, but I believe she was the victim of a home robbery a few years back. Well, when she first moved in, my roommate had some ground rules for me so his girlfriend would feel more comfortable.

16:18Shayne Topp:She obviously wasn't thrilled about having another roommate. He said I couldn't talk to her, like strike up a convo, if he wasn't there because she doesn't want to have to talk to me if she didn't have to. He also said it would be best if we tried to not use the same facilities at the same time. Like if she's cooking in the kitchen, I should wait until she leaves before I grab food, et cetera. Like, yes, it's strange, but I figured it's his place, so whatever. I'm not trying to befriend her either. Things got worse in recent months because we've all been working from home. It's really hard to avoid someone 24-7.

16:51Shayne Topp:So obviously I've slipped up more. One time I came home from Costco and offered her a spare bottle of coconut water I couldn't fit in the fridge. Big mistake. My roommate had to have a talk with me that night about how I should know she would never drink my drinks and it's weird for me to even offer. The most recent one was when she was watching some Game of Thrones in our living room. I just absentmindedly watched a bit standing behind the couch. I laughed at a scene which startled her when she looked up and saw me standing behind her. I got another earful from my roommate about how I needed to stop creeping on her now that I'm home all the time.

17:23Shayne Topp:Long story short, my friend just had a place open up that's cheap and I'm gonna move. I told my roommate and he's pissed because of our unofficial agreement and now how he's probably gonna pay full rent for a while. I feel bad because yeah, I did say I wasn't gonna move, but I'm also pretty sick of both him and his girlfriend. However, I feel kind of guilty because I agreed to their weird rules before all this started back when I thought it'd be okay.

17:47Damien Haas:Oh my God. Look, that's some very serious trauma. like for her to be showing that level of discomfort just talking to a person yes that's that's i mean that's real for some people that's real and that's really sad he's not equipped to deal with that level of care right and it falls into the category of people putting their it's like oh i'm setting

18:08Shayne Topp:up my boundaries in your space yeah and it's just like no you can't do that man like this is i i pay rent i have access to the kitchen you don't get to make a new rule yeah that i don't and then also be mad if I move out because the rules have completely changed. Like, this...

18:28Damien Haas:I also think, like, this is one of those situations where sometimes people are just going to be mad at you. Like, I've had to learn that's the biggest lesson I can impart to anyone out there who's younger. Stick to your own morals, and if you hear everybody out and you can't work it out that everybody is happy the whole time, sometimes someone's just going to be mad at you.

18:47Shayne Topp:It really is such a hard thing to accept, especially like I'm such a like, I'm so terrified of upsetting people. And so many of us are. And it's just like, you find yourself in life at times where it's like, oh, all roads lead to someone being pissed off. Especially when you meet when it's one person and it's like, there is nothing I can do to stop you from being mad at me in some way or another.

19:10Damien Haas:And that's - Because in their mind, you're the asshole that is continuously triggering their very traumatized girlfriend. And it's like, okay, well, I guess that also might be true, but I'm just trying to live the... Yeah.

19:24Shayne Topp:Yeah, I mean... And I feel like that's very much a situation that comes up a lot with roommates.

19:29Damien Haas:Yeah.

19:29Shayne Topp:Because I've heard this type of story a lot. Yeah. Especially when it comes to a new partner moving in. Like, that's a very tricky situation.

19:39Damien Haas:If, you know, someone and a partner are now in a space, like, they are going to have their own dynamic that they want to fulfill in the space. And it sort of ends up being two versus one. Sometimes, like not 100%, but it's... It's kind of inherent.

19:54Tommy Bowe:It's inherent. It's a couple and then a single guy.

19:57Shayne Topp:Yeah. It really is. I wonder if anyone's ever done like a... I wish there was a book on this, on like the dynamics of roommates and the amount of roommates and the amount of partners and stuff. Sure, there's a book on it. Because it's like... Because I'm like, I think... I imagine if you had... There's a book, there's just so many.

20:11Damien Haas:You sound exasperated by a Barnes & Noble. You're like, there's a book on everything.

20:14Shayne Topp:I walk in there and I go, whoa. We can't stop these things.

20:18Damien Haas:Home Improvement section.

20:19Tommy Bowe:Turn it down. I have four total.

20:21Shayne Topp:But I feel like. The Bible. You walk into a library and be like, you got to stop. One punch man. God. But I feel like if you have a bunch of roommates, if you have a house with like five roommates, someone having a partner in that, it's like, well, it's a little equal territory. But it's the two roommates and one of them has their partner move in. As you said, they're outnumbered. Yeah. And it's like, I never really thought about that, that it's kind of an unfair situation.

20:45Damien Haas:Yeah.

20:46Shayne Topp:Unless they're really cool about their ground rules and really smart about it. But they're not here.

20:50Tommy Bowe:Yeah, there's a way to do it. It's just like this. This is not it. This just kind of sucks for everybody.

20:54Damien Haas:And also, I'm assuming that the girlfriend doesn't pay rent from the sound of it.

21:00Shayne Topp:It sounds like not because he's moving out and he's going to have to pay full rent.

21:03Tommy Bowe:Yeah, it's like he has to pay full rent. I mean. There's a solution there. And it's that she pays some rent.

21:08Shayne Topp:That she pays some rent. Yeah.

21:09Damien Haas:It sounds like the owner of the home is in a full caretaker situation. You can't talk to her. She's not paying any rent. And that's a fine dynamic if that's what works for people. But for that to be sprung on you as the other roommate, that's hard.

21:25Shayne Topp:That's rough. It is too much. Trauma is such an intense thing, right? I mean, obviously.

21:30Tommy Bowe:This might be a bad situation for them right now, but it does sound like they just need to have the two of them live together. It sounds like having a third person there anyway is not good for what she needs.

21:43Damien Haas:Yeah.

21:43Tommy Bowe:She simply can't. Right. So even though he'll have to pay rent and stuff, maybe this is just a good inertia to go find a cheaper place where the two of them can just live together.

21:53Shayne Topp:Yeah. I think in the process of this roommate being so considerate and caring for his partner who's gone through something, he's being extremely inconsiderate of his roommate and everybody. He's not thinking about anybody else in this equation, right?

22:08Damien Haas:My hope is also that, you know, I know they said it's pandemic time, but if he gleaned that it's been a few years since a home invasion situation, I don't know if this person's been to therapy or not, but if you're at a point where, like, this level of interaction is still really hard for you, I'm like, I don't know if, like, a new living situation is the best thing for her right now anyway. Like, she needs some assistance. She needs some therapy.

22:36Shayne Topp:From the little that I know from the books that I've read, it doesn't go away. It's like your body's been hit with something. But treatments for it are astounding and amazing. There's a lot of great stuff. It's extensive. It's not going to be overnight. But like if, yeah, it's just I think this roommate who's dating her is probably not aware of that extent. It doesn't seem like it. If he's just like, yeah, just avoid her. Don't come in the kitchen. I heard you were talking to the girl.

23:10Damien Haas:It's like this is not a normal situation where you can just be. Yeah.

23:13Shayne Topp:I have more of a problem with the roommate than I do with her. But anyways, yeah, tough situation, especially in 2020. Yeah. That's tough.

23:22Tommy Bowe:Yeah, you don't need a whole other stressful thing layered on top of it.

23:25Shayne Topp:You don't need a whole traumatic event going on. Biden was just sworn in. God, in 2021. Sorry. Comments, not the asshole. That's an insane way to have to live. Get out ASAP. Someone said, not the asshole. If you leave, there are still two people in the flat. Why is the girlfriend not paying rent? Besides that, these were ridiculous rules. If she can't get over her past trauma, it's not your responsibility to cope with her to the point you can't offer coconut water. It must be hard for her, but she is the asshole.

23:56Damien Haas:I think the roommate's the asshole

23:58Shayne Topp:but it's like it's OP said honestly in hindsight I should have left as soon as she moved in at the time though I didn't think it was a huge deal it's a big place and I wasn't trying to be buddies with them either but it just got weirder and more degrading my roommate was pretty chill most of the time but his girlfriend would almost always make a u-turn whenever she saw me and him in the same space and if she walked into a room and I was already there she'd make a face and leave without saying anything my breaking point was definitely being told I was creeping when I couldn't care less what they did.

24:27Shayne Topp:Someone else said, I wonder if your roommate told his girlfriend that you wouldn't be living there much longer. Like, that's the only way this makes any sense. OP said, oh, there was 100 % some behind-the-scenes drama over me. I suspect my roommate promised his girlfriend I was moving out, then changed his mind because of rent or whatever. They fought a lot in the first few weeks, and I could tell she was pissed at him. Then again, she never paid any rent, so I don't know. She didn't seem like someone who wanted a third person living there. But conversely, my roommate also really wanted me there.

24:56Shayne Topp:So lots of tension. I stayed longer than necessary, but rent was particularly cheap there and the location was great. It's a weird situation. And look, I could, with Reddit stories and stuff, I could say, I don't trust this roommate and her and what they're saying is going on, but I have to take them for their word. Yeah, we can only do it with all about there. Cut to the reality is he's behind her

25:17Damien Haas:watching Game of Thrones.

25:17Tommy Bowe:Like, yes, I like this part.

25:21Damien Haas:And your head looks like I could do something with it.

25:24Shayne Topp:Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Here, have my harmless coconut water.

25:33Shayne Topp:He does walk around the house like...

25:36Tommy Bowe:Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like, okay, if I saw it. It's like, oh, she has trauma. He's like... He's Tony Collette from Hereditary.

25:45Damien Haas:Mary.

25:50Jesus Christ.

25:52Shayne Topp:Oh, my God.

25:53Damien Haas:Those are maracas.

25:54Shayne Topp:We're using maracas. Diddy-dilly. Maracas. Fuck. Someone needs to make that edit. Okay. Oh, my God. Moving on. Our next story comes from Am I Overreacting? This was posted in 2023. Am I overreacting? Roommate put clothes in the dryer before leaving for hours and is pissed I moved it.

26:18Damien Haas:I'm going to predict that this is going to be the unreliable narrator thing where he's like, I just moved it. I put it on the roof.

26:25Shayne Topp:Why is he mad? I built a sail out of it. Yeah.

26:27Tommy Bowe:So the person who wrote this moved it?

26:29Shayne Topp:Yes. They left it in the dryer forever. They moved it out of the dryer. All right. Today I dyed my hair, then went to wash the towels I used. I can't put them in my dirty laundry because they have dye on them, which would get on other clothes. The washer was open and the dryer wasn't running, so I assumed it was empty. So I put my laundry in. Then once it was time to switch it to the dryer, I discovered my roommate had done a load of laundry and left it sitting in the dryer. She had left our apartment a few hours before I discovered the load and didn't tell me anything about where she was going slash that there was a load in the dryer.

27:04Shayne Topp:Not wanting my clothes to get moldy slash gross from sitting wet, I texted her to see if I could put her laundry somewhere. These texts are what happened next. Okay. Do we have the texts? We have the texts. OP says, is there somewhere I could put your laundry from the dryer so I can dry my laundry? Roommate responds, we'll be home later tonight to grab it. At 7.51 p.m., which is when this is all happening, OP says, what time at? I'd like to dry my laundry as soon as possible so it doesn't sit around soaked for too long. They don't respond. An hour later at 8.40 p.m., OP says, I put your things in a clean blankie so that I can dry my laundry before it gets yucky.

27:46Shayne Topp:Smiley face. Roommate responds, what? Please don't touch my clothes. Crying, laughing emoji. OP responds, my clothes have been sitting wet for a couple hours and you won't be home for a couple more. Crying emoji. Next time, can you please hang around until your laundry is out of the dryer? That way we don't run into this conflict. I don't mind taking yours out when I need to use the dryer, but if you prefer, I don't touch your items. It is best you take them out when they're done yourself. Roommate responds, life doesn't always work out that way. We had somewhere to be. I'm on my way home. I wish you would have waited a little longer or done your laundry on a different day than the day I do mine.

28:28Shayne Topp:Let's try to do laundry on different days. OP responds, I understand this is distressing. However, I had no idea you were on your way home. I tried to see when you'd be back in case it was soon and I could wait for you to take it out yourself. But without a time frame, I couldn't wait around for the rest of the night. This laundry was dirty from dyeing my hair, so it needed to be done immediately. I don't think separate days for laundry is necessary. I think it's more important to have open communication about what's going on. I get that life gets in the way, but I wish you would have let me know what happened and when you would be back.

28:59Shayne Topp:Roommate responds, don't ever touch my stuff without my permission. You had no right to do that, period. I get not wanting others to touch your things, but in a circumstance where there's a shared item being used, sometimes it's necessary. Roommate responds, it is never necessary. This is something I will not budge on. You cannot ever touch my stuff. So what counts as your stuff? Roommate responds, I told you I'd be home soon. If it had been hours later, I would have told you to move it. OP says, it had been an hour. Roommate says, my clothes. Don't touch my clothes.

29:38Shayne Topp:OP says, and you've been gone almost all day. Roommate responds, I left at five. OP says, it's been four hours. Roommate says, don't do your laundry after me, then especially if I've been gone. OP says, I didn't see there was anything in the dryer because it was done running when I put the load in. I assume because you weren't home, you weren't using the laundry, which you weren't. I think we need to talk about this in person. It is not realistic to tell me to just not do laundry if it's a day you've used the washer. For example, sometimes things become dirty and need to be cleaned immediately, which is what happened with my laundry today.

30:15Shayne Topp:Roommate responds, just please don't touch my things, okay? That's literally all. It's not even about the laundry. You cannot touch my things. Oh, my God. Killer.

30:24Tommy Bowe:I'm like, shut up.

30:25Shayne Topp:Killer.

30:26Damien Haas:We share the road with these people. I truly. Holy God.

30:32Tommy Bowe:I'm also like, stop texting her. Yeah.

30:34Shayne Topp:You're not getting anywhere.

30:35Damien Haas:This person's not even, somehow not reading your texts. It started off, I was just mad at the clothes they're sitting in the dryer roommate. And now I'm just like, both of you, stop it. Yeah. It's not going to be like, oh, this is the text that gets through to her. Like, stop.

30:52Shayne Topp:Yeah. Oh, my God. Holy. Wait, was that actually the end of it? OK. Oh, good. I tried to see when she'd be back but she didn't respond for an hour so I took her laundry out of the dryer wrapped it in a clean blanket set it aside and put my laundry in the dryer which at this point had sat wet for two to three hours while I waited for her to get back to our apartment or respond she finally got home after five hours of being out and she's pissed I touched her clothes was I in the wrong? okay that's all we got Jesus Christ these are like such common roommates I know Just the worst people. Absolute commoners.

31:29Shayne Topp:It's just like amazing. Like when you're 20 and you have a roommate like that and it's just like, I already know you will one day be thrice divorced. Like it's just like when you just are like,

31:37Tommy Bowe:yeah, I know you're gonna just piss off everyone

31:39Shayne Topp:for the rest of your life.

31:41Tommy Bowe:My clothes, my clothes. My clothes. My clothes. My clothes. Stay, stay, down, down, down. Wait, have you seen like the, the, what is it? With the dog, you're like trying to piss him off.

31:54Damien Haas:Rage baiting my dog. When you leave the food, then you close it.

31:58Tommy Bowe:And the beagle goes, oh!

32:02Shayne Topp:That's how I imagine this. This text conversation is bad, where it's kind of like, oh, that poor dog. But almost like, just give him the treat!

32:09Damien Haas:Give him the treat! Yeah.

32:12Shayne Topp:I'm sitting there yelling at my phone, too. Yeah, usually. The verdict is not overreacting. Someone said, I deal with a similar issue with people I live with leaving their laundry in the dryer for days at a time. Now I just put their laundry in a basket while my laundry dries and put theirs back in the dryer when it's done. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, because, like, there are types of roommates where it's like, whoa, like, you leave laundry in the dryer for a long time. You're, like, all these things. But sometimes they're extremely chill and they don't care that you're moving it and stuff. It's not that that's a good thing on them, but it's like at least there lies affair about all of it.

32:47Damien Haas:Yeah.

32:47Shayne Topp:But it's one thing to be, like, super lazy about what you're doing with your stuff and then also telling people not to touch it.

32:53Tommy Bowe:Yeah, this laundry girl, that's her name now, she was like, sometimes life happens. And it's like, yeah, exactly. Sometimes life happens, so let me move your laundry. So I gotta use the washer. Right. It's not sometimes life happens to everyone but you.

33:10Damien Haas:Yeah. I also think it's so odd that, I don't know, I feel like if any situation like this that I've been in, I would use like a laundry basket. Ikea bags are great for this. Go ahead and take the clothes out, and then when you see the person be like, hey, by the way, I put it in the bag, it's here. You don't tell them. To even text it first and be like, would it be all right? How many hours in the world?

33:30Shayne Topp:Because clearly this is already hell.

33:33Damien Haas:This is already hell. Like, again, I think, sorry, I think the person that is being so weird about their clothes and leaving it in there for hours, of course they suck. But I'm also getting a bad vibe from this original roommate where it's like, well, you see, the different thing is 6 p.m. I'm like, I know you're trying your best, but you also seem like someone that can't let something go without it being like, does everyone approve here? Like, I think both people in their own way kind of suck, probably because I have been and used to be roommate one where I'm like, no, I have to over-explain so that everything will be fine now.

34:08Damien Haas:It's like, no, sometimes you just have to be like, they're gonna be crazy about that and they're my roommate, so I'm gonna have to learn how to deal with this crazy thing that's not my fault and it's not fair, but like. It's very funny. The word distressing,

34:23Shayne Topp:when we're talking about dried laundry being moved to the top of the dryer, I'm just like, man. I know this is distressing to you. There's a lot of distressing things in the world, and that is not one of them.

34:36Damien Haas:That is a good question to bring up. That specific line of, I know this is distressing to you, that's either passive-aggressive as shit or just a weird way. That's one of those lines where I'm like, I don't think this is an AI story, but you're on thin ice, mister. Yeah. It's like, I was distressing to my roommate.

34:53Shayne Topp:These are text messages that were, I got the text. These are real text messages. So either they wrote these out as fan fiction or this is a real conversation.

35:03Damien Haas:Can I ask a question of you, Shane? Yeah. I followed everything just fine and you did a great job. No, you didn't do voices.

35:11Shayne Topp:What voice is what I do?

35:13Damien Haas:I don't know, pick them.

35:15Shayne Topp:So I know this is just stressing.

35:17Damien Haas:See, that's good, that's good.

35:20Tommy Bowe:We have a... You did a... You kind of did a H-N-N-Y. Yeah. H-N-Y.

35:27Shayne Topp:H-N-Y. Can I get a... H-N-Y.

35:32Damien Haas:See, I also think they have an in-unit laundry.

35:35Shayne Topp:Yeah. And I'm like, hey, hell yeah. Good for you. Because, you know, most apartments in LA, you have a shared big laundry room. Yep. And it's like, what would you do? Do you move someone's laundry? If it's a stranger. There's no, you walk in, all the dryers are either in use, and there's one that's done, but there's laundry in it. You're like, okay, I'm going to leave, come back a half hour later. There's still laundry. That same laundry, do you move it? As a dryer, I've done it. At a certain point, there's times where you kind of have a choice. I've done it. I've folded people's laundry before.

36:09Shayne Topp:That's very nice. That's very nice.

36:11Tommy Bowe:See, it's like, look, it's like I folded your...

36:13Shayne Topp:See, it's a tough thing, though, where I'm like, sometimes when I moved it, I'm like, I don't want to fold it because that implies that I've touched your clothes.

36:22Damien Haas:Right. And so I'm like, is it, am I weird? What's the alternative?

36:24Shayne Topp:You magneto it up? You're just leaving it in a pile? I mean, to like intimately fold your clothing, especially if there's underwear and stuff. I'm like, I don't give a shit. But I'm like, I don't know what they think. I'm like, it's in a pile in the, it's not like it's not going to wrinkle in the dryer.

36:41Tommy Bowe:You're going to have to put it back in the dryer anyway and do a little tumble.

36:44Damien Haas:Yeah. I got the impression that both people in this story were women. I think there is a different vibe for us as men to be like, you've gone through someone's intimate clothing.

36:55Tommy Bowe:I'm a big, fat pervert.

36:57Damien Haas:Sure. Okay. So you either have to leave a note being like, hey, girly, folded it for the girls because we both are girls. Or you have to be like, this reminded me of getting your head is delicious. I wear a new brood.

37:11Tommy Bowe:So that first story was actually me. Okay. That was Tommy. I'm a crazy old pervert. He's that's great.

37:17Shayne Topp:I would desperately never want to touch someone else's clothes. But, like, you're put in a bind sometimes. Yeah. But I'm also of the opinion of, like, hey, man, be there when your clothes are done.

37:27Damien Haas:If it's a stranger, it's, like, after a half hour, an hour, that is now your fault that you didn't get back to them in time. If it's two people living in the same unit and they have in-unit laundry and have to have a weird set of rules for it, it's just sometimes how it's, like, Like, being the age I am now, looking back at roommate me, I wish I would have understood that sometimes things aren't going to be correct. Yeah. Like, yes, that roommate should clean up those crumbs, and they never do it. But they've never done it once for a year. And if you bring it up again, they just, they didn't do it.

38:05Damien Haas:And it's not fair, but maybe you have to wipe those crumbs, and then you can get to continue your day, and the other roommate just sucks. Right. You have to get expectations.

38:14Shayne Topp:It's a weird pick-your-battle situation sometimes. What's tough with this story is that you know, though, that this roommate would not follow the same rules that she's applying to her roommate. And you deal with that so much with roommates, where it's like, you don't touch my clothes, but I can touch your clothes. It's like, holy shit. I'm making myself mad thinking about it. It is frustrating. A couple other comments. I would say the same thing. Life doesn't always work the way you want either. You knew you were leaving and chose to leave the clothes in the dryer. Someone said, your roommate is an asshole.

38:43Shayne Topp:She doesn't get to tell you to just not do laundry after her. If she doesn't want her stuff touched, then she needs to move her shit out of shared spaces. I agree with that. Yeah.

38:53Damien Haas:Fully agree with that. All right. Our next story. Oh, no update? We haven't had a single update. We haven't. There better be one.

39:01Tommy Bowe:I'm rioting.

39:02Shayne Topp:Yeah. Shit. Let's do it. Quickly, write one. Make something up. Our next story comes from Am I the Asshole? Am I the asshole for not letting my co-worker stay at my place even though I have the space? Oh. So I, a 23-year-old woman, live alone in a small two-bedroom house. One room is mine. The other one is basically my everything room. It's my office, my closet, storage. Sometimes I just lay on the floor in there and stare at the ceiling when life sucks. LOL.

39:31Tommy Bowe:Awesome.

39:31Shayne Topp:Okay, damn. It is not a guest room. I've lived with horrible roommates before, so I worked really hard to be able to afford my own place, and I love having my space. It's literally my safe little bubble. Anyways, one of my coworkers, a 25-year-old woman, got into a huge fight with her roommates, and they kicked her out. She was venting at work, and I felt bad, and was like, that sucks, oh my God, and even sent her a few places to look at. I was trying to be helpful without inviting chaos into my life, you know? Later that night, she texted me saying, hey, I was thinking maybe I could just crash with you for a few weeks since you live alone and have the space.

40:07Shayne Topp:A few weeks. If you are willing to invite me. I have to cope with it somehow.

40:16Tommy Bowe:So we're going to kick you out because you keep biting our necks. It's really not chill.

40:21Shayne Topp:If I hear that someone, like a co-worker who I'm not really close friends with, if I hear that multiple roommates kicked them out. Sounds like. I'm like, you're going to come nowhere near my place. I'm sorry.

40:34Tommy Bowe:Also, I barely know you. Can I come over for a few weeks? Just a few weeks. I literally got that sinking feeling in my chest.

40:43Shayne Topp:No, no, no, no. I'm not even close to her. We're cool at work, but we've never even hung out outside of lunch breaks and complaining about our boss. She doesn't know anything about me, and I don't know her like that. Why would she live in my house? So I replied super politely, like, I totally get that you're going through it, but I really value my space, and I'm just not in a place where I can have someone stay with me. Like, I was nice. Didn't ghost her. Didn't ignore her. I just said no. The next day she's acting really weird. Then another coworker tells me she said I let her be homeless when I have an entire room to myself.

41:15Shayne Topp:Like, girl, first of all, she's staying at her boyfriend's place. Second of all, I pay to live alone. That's the whole point. I don't want to feel tense or uncomfortable in my own space. I don't want to tiptoe around a person I barely know. And I definitely don't want to deal with just a few weeks turning into I'm looking but nothing's coming through yet for two months. Now people at work are acting like I'm the bad guy. Sorry for not letting a coworker move into my apartment because she had a bad fight. I don't know. I feel bad, but like, also no. Am I the asshole? No. No, dude. No. Come on. She's living with her boyfriend anyway?

41:47Shayne Topp:Is that what I heard? First of all, she's staying at her boyfriend's place.

41:51Tommy Bowe:So how is she homeless? The boyfriend's not a house. I don't know.

41:58Shayne Topp:I couldn't think of a good bit in time. I couldn't think of a good bit. Boyfriend's not a house. This just sounds like a bad person. Yeah, I don't really know. Like, I just, you know, like, it's just like, yeah.

42:11Damien Haas:This is like what I was saying before, like, as a frequent over-explainer, but maybe less so now. It's the kind of thing where, like, you're not gonna be able to get on the level of logic that this person employs in their life to be kicked out and, like, also imposed that way and be like, yeah, they're letting me be homeless. I'm like, whatever you're going through in life is gonna be everybody else's fault forever. Good luck. Like, they might hate you forever. Good luck. Oh, well.

42:36Shayne Topp:Yeah.

42:37Damien Haas:You don't need their approval.

42:38Shayne Topp:It's fun to have an enemy. I think it's also, it's also, it took me a long time to learn this, but to like be really wary of people who are very quick to guilt you.

42:46Tommy Bowe:Yes.

42:47Shayne Topp:And it's just like, if that's their first move, it's like, oh, so this was all manipulation. Like someone who's genuinely, truly asking is not going to jump to the quick like, what's the thing that will make you feel guiltiest that I can say? And she jumped to like, she's telling people like, yeah, she let me be homeless when she has a place to stay. It's like, whoa, holy crap.

43:08Damien Haas:It's also like, oh, the coworkers are mad that I didn't. It's like, fucking you, Taker. You got a bathroom. Sleep in the tub. What? Yeah.

43:17Tommy Bowe:It's called a cold, hard bed.

43:19Shayne Topp:Yeah. This just sounds like a manipulative person. It's very manipulative. And it sounds like that's probably what got her kicked out of her other situation.

43:28Damien Haas:Yeah, I was thinking.

43:30Shayne Topp:Yeah. We have some comments here. Not the asshole. I don't understand why a co-worker would feel entitled to your home. That's truly bizarre. Her life is not your responsibility. I mean, I could maybe get it if you were super close and good long-term friends with a deep connection. But a casual co-worker? OP said, literally just a casual co-worker? I don't get it. Anyone makes that comment again to you, OP? You say, I'll let co-worker know that you're volunteering your space to them. So kind of you. OP says, aye, aye, Captain. Someone says, not the asshole. You don't need to find out firsthand why her roommates and boyfriend don't want to live with her either.

44:04Shayne Topp:Opie said, I'm definitely understanding it now seeing the reaction after saying no. I am a homebody and really enjoy my personal space given the fact I work two jobs and my home is my only carefree space. Guys, we have a two-sentence update, but it is an update. Werewolf? Okay, actually, sorry. Three sentences, but the first sentence is kind of all you need. What do you think this update says?

44:29Tommy Bowe:Bought some garlic, threw it at her, puff of smoke. Okay.

44:34Damien Haas:Is that how that works? They go, buh! I think it's going to be a boyfriend kicked her out and she's staying with my boss. Or something like messy, messy, messy. I like that.

44:48Tommy Bowe:I'm sticking with the bit.

44:49Damien Haas:Okay.

44:51Shayne Topp:She went to jail.

44:53Damien Haas:We did it! She found a place! She found a place! Yeah, and probably a roommate too! Oh, she's got a roommate. She's probably got a roommate. Oh, no. Joking aside, the American prison system does desperately need reform, and we're aware of that. Yeah, we know. We know. Comments, we know.

45:10Shayne Topp:We know. She went to jail. Don't know what happened, but I feel horrible to say I laughed. Well, solves that issue.

45:17Tommy Bowe:That's wild. Wow, damn. Yeah, well, holy shit. All right, and now there's a job opening, too? Jesus.

45:27Damien Haas:Oh, no. I wonder what their job was. Because when they said co-worker, my brain always goes like, oh, office building. And the more they talk about it, the more they talk about it. I imagine an email job.

45:36Shayne Topp:I literally always picture the most stereotypical, like, 90s office building. Severance ass. Yeah.

45:41Damien Haas:But I'm like, no, I wonder if they're like, I don't know. I wonder if they work in food service and they're like, this is the messy gossip portion working in the kitchen.

45:50Shayne Topp:It could be. Waiters could be a vibe. Yeah, I don't know. Interesting. No, they do princess parties. And this one was Belle. Oh, my God. That's a good one. I don't know. That's a good one. My God. All right. Our next story. Relationship advice from March 29th of 2020. Oh.

46:08Damien Haas:Oh, a doomsday. A lot of people needed advice then.

46:13Shayne Topp:Yeah. So I'm spending a lot of time with someone that it turns out I hate.

46:16Damien Haas:Yeah.

46:18Shayne Topp:Went for a tire change, found a tracker under my car, placed by my roommate. How do I go about this? I'm a 25 year old oh boy I'm a 25 year old female and my roommate is a 34 year old male run away

46:36Damien Haas:to where? she's being tracked no oh no

46:39Shayne Topp:I moved to a new town last year only knew one person stayed with her for a bit until I found a house to rent but I needed a roommate she introduced me to a guy she worked with who also needed a roommate because he just got a divorce I met him first didn't get weird vibes seemed nice enough About six months ago, he made the suggestion to be friends with benefits, and I made the stupid mistake of agreeing. We both did not... That's awesome. There's the once-an-episode Emily gasp. We both did not want a relationship. Everything was fine until he started getting weird and staying up until I got home, questioning me about where I'd been and who I was around.

47:19Shayne Topp:I then ended the hooking up, told him I didn't think it was like that. He got mad. Everything was fine for a bit until yesterday. I live in a pretty rural area where most businesses are small and family-owned. Since not a lot of people are getting out, I decided to go ahead and get some new tires and support a mechanic shop I go to, since I doubt they're getting regular business at the moment. I'm there waiting when the guy comes over and tells me he wants to show me something. I'm like, okay. We go over to my car, and he bends down and points under the car at a black box. He asks me if I know what that is and tells me it's a GPS.

47:51Shayne Topp:It took me a second to understand the implications of a GPS being under my car. I was like, so someone put it there? It's clear I have no idea why it's there, and he got actually concerned and told me if I didn't know, I needed to find out. I feel so creeped out because I have no friends here. The friend I knew moved away. I only know some people at work, but we're not friends, and it's been hard to meet people. There's no other way a GPS would be on my car unless my roommate put it there.

48:15Damien Haas:Now I'm freaked out in a way I've never been before, and I can't move out.

48:18Shayne Topp:I'm scared to ask him about it. I have no one to stay with. No family here. What do I do? Do I just ask him about it outright? I left the GPS there because I don't want him to know I know at the moment. What should I do?

48:32Tommy Bowe:I'm like, maybe don't ask out about it. Yeah. Because you're putting yourself in danger.

48:38Damien Haas:Yeah. When she said like, oh, he got angry when I said that.

48:42Tommy Bowe:Scary, scary, scary, bad, bad.

48:45Shayne Topp:This is like the worst situation you can be in at the start of the pandemic.

48:49Tommy Bowe:Yeah. Like, this has got to be... I was about to say, this is the pilot of a bad, scary show.

48:52Shayne Topp:I was thinking about, oh, we broke up right when the pandemic happened. It's like, that's not so bad compared to this shit. This is...

48:59Tommy Bowe:That's crazy.

49:00Shayne Topp:Oh, my God. This is terrifying. Comments. Honestly, don't say a word. Take it to the cops. Someone said, I wonder what would happen if you took it to the cops. I wonder if they can have a way to discover where it reports to. Someone said, that is really creepy. Start planning your exit. Document everything. Yeah, I mean, I... That's...

49:18Tommy Bowe:Unfortunately, with the cop of it all, it's like you're like... They do. Yeah, you're like, oh, I'm getting creeped out by this thing, and they just go, well, we can arrest him once he kills you. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's like...

49:28Damien Haas:Call us if you're murdered. Right, it's like... I'm really questioning, like, it's not okay that she's in this situation. Not her fault at all, but I am questioning the logistics of this situation because it's like she lives in a rural area. She doesn't know anyone. She doesn't have any family there. And so, like, maybe she moved for a job, but the job is such that she would need to still have a roommate. And she's like, I can't move. And I'm like, how did you get here? What's going on? I know. I don't know.

49:57Shayne Topp:It's a sad situation. I'm like, damn sure. I'm just curious. You have no network. Yeah. Like, that's got to be horrifying.

50:05Damien Haas:Update. Okay. Update.

50:07Tommy Bowe:He's in jail now.

50:09Shayne Topp:And he met the most beautiful woman.

50:15Shayne Topp:So last night, I decided to subtly pack my things and plan on making the drive at some point today back to my hometown. He works during the day, but I work from home because my office is closed until at least this summer. I realized I could probably fit all of my stuff in my car, and since my lease ends in May anyway, so I'm just moving out. The only furniture that's mine, and not the landlord's or his, is my bed, and it's old, so I think I'm just going to leave it here. I went down to the police station early this morning and had them remove it. I don't think there's much they can do besides document it.

50:44Shayne Topp:They asked me some questions and I said I didn't know, but I know no one here and thought it might be my roommate. They said it looked like a cheap one from Amazon or eBay and they'll check it out. Honestly, I may just end up staying home. I miss being in a familiar place where I know basically everyone in town and I miss my friends. Working from home for a few months might give me enough time to switch jobs. Update number two. Okay, love that first update. And I also just want to say good for her because there's so many moments where it's like,

51:11Damien Haas:oh, but I can't because my bed is like, it's so hard to make that choice, but prioritizing your safety. Oh yeah. Good job. Ditch everything. Good job.

51:21Shayne Topp:Update number two, all settled in now. Ended up asking him about it via phone. He admitted to it. Got freaked out when I said I gave it to the police. Said he was concerned for my safety when I would go places by myself after work. Yeah, okay. We got into a scuffle about it. He finally snapped and said that he knew I was seeing someone when I was hooking up with him. I wasn't. So, yeah, my first experience with Crazy and hopefully my last. Okay.

51:46Tommy Bowe:And we trust our instincts. Yeah. You know? Good job. Yes. I'm so glad she got out of that because clearly.

51:54Damien Haas:Oh, boy. Anger issues there are like. Yeah. Oh.

51:58Tommy Bowe:When do I got a divorce? I don't know. They just wanted different things.

52:02Damien Haas:She wanted like kids. He wanted to control. Yeah. Everything. I don't know what this voice is. I don't think I'm ever going to do it again. And they were roommates. Oof. God. And they were roommates and they were roommates and they were roommates and they were roommates and they were roommates. We're at like 15.

52:20Shayne Topp:Very glad she got that. Sorry, Angela. Here is our final story. It comes from the subreddit Relationships, and this was posted back in 2017.

52:29Damien Haas:Wow.

52:29Shayne Topp:The year the Yankees won. A vintage story. Yes, a vintage one. Yes. I've, a 25-year-old woman, returned from a month-long trip, and my roommate, a 22-year-old woman, has moved all her things into my room and has been living there with no intention of switching back. Well, you snooze, you lose. My roommate, a hermit crab.

52:56Shayne Topp:That's actually so funny.

53:03Shayne Topp:So I moved into this flat about eight months ago. I met Lana online on a roommate website, and we clicked well. She's a bit younger but seemed mature. We quickly agreed to be roommates. Both of us were under time constraints to find a place to live, but have gotten along really well so far up until this. Our flat is a two-bedroom, and to be frank, my room is clearly the better one. It's bigger and has built-in wardrobes. When looking for the flat, I found the place first on my own and put down a deposit to take it off the market while I found another roommate. The flat was perfect, cheap rent, and my aunt manages the property, so I was keen to snap it up before anyone else did.

53:37Shayne Topp:The area it's in is popular, so I wasn't really worried about not finding someone to room with. Because of the above and that I was there first, I took the bigger room naturally. When showing potential roommates, including Lana, around, I was sure to show the smaller room and say, this would be your room. We moved in eight months ago, and it's been happy families. Never heard Lana complain about her room, because I have about six times the wardrobe space that she does. I told her she's welcome to store her off-season clothes in there, or whatever she wants to store, as long as she's not popping in every morning to get dressed.

54:08Shayne Topp:She was happy with this. Just over a month ago, I went traveling. Now, I'm not the biggest fan of having people in my room, but I told Lana if she had someone stay, her sister or friends from home, they could sleep in my bed. She said thanks, and as she's been such a great roommate and rarely has guests except her boyfriend. I didn't worry at all. I came back yesterday. I was exhausted from the flight and traveling and just wanted to shower and sleep. As I walked in, Lana was in the living room with her boyfriend. We said hello and hugged, had a very quick catch up, blah, blah. Then I dragged my suitcase to my room, opened the door and found it full of stuff that was not mine.

54:40Shayne Topp:I kind of yelled, what the fuck? And briefly thought I was so jet lagged I was confused, but opened the door to Lana's room and saw all my stuff. I walked into the living room and asked Lana what was going on. And she said, oh, sorry, I forgot to mention, we put my stuff in your room just because it's bigger

54:56Damien Haas:and you weren't here and you said I could use it.

54:58Shayne Topp:I was honestly so tired I could have passed out then, so I probably wasn't in the best state and told her to move it all back immediately. She said they were in the middle of making dinner and I looked tired, so I should have a sleep. Her boyfriend then said, and anyway, you pay the same rent, so isn't it fair that you both get the big room at some point? I was getting really frustrated and could feel tears welling up, hysterical from lack of sleep. So I just said, we'll deal with this tomorrow and it's getting moved back. And then I went to sleep in not my own room. I've woken up now and I'm so pissed off.

55:28Shayne Topp:Lana's at work so I can't talk to her. But what should I do when she's home? I feel like this is going to turn into an argument. I don't think it'll be as simple as, okay, let's swap now that you're home. Oh, God, Jesus. This is what's so tough about roommate shit is like legality of things is so brutal that it's like, I don't know I

55:49Damien Haas:it's like

55:50Shayne Topp:because I'm like yes she's awful she did a horrible thing I don't know what you do I don't know what you do

55:56Tommy Bowe:I think you move it back while she's gone she's at work I think you move it back

55:59Shayne Topp:it's time for that holy crap what a bold move to not even like to be like oh sorry I forgot to mention I completely flipped your life upside down my life into your life and so that was a thing that happened I'm sorry It's like, can you move back? Oh, I'm sorry, I'm making dinner right now, and I'm also not going to do that. I don't want to.

56:23Damien Haas:Obviously, 100 % on Opie's side, this is a crazy move from Lana and presumably her boyfriend that is whispering things in her ear, like, yes, and you pay the same rent. It is a little rough that they pay the same rent.

56:38Shayne Topp:Definitely, but that's rough to agree to as well. To agree to. Yeah, you agreed to it. To agree, but that's, yes. I would definitely, when moving into a place, if they're like, you get this smaller bedroom and here's the price, I'd be like, you have the bigger one. Yeah, can we swap? Can I take 100 off and you add 100?

56:54Damien Haas:Is there any way?

56:54Shayne Topp:I would just not take that. Or I would try to negotiate there.

56:58Damien Haas:It doesn't excuse anything. There's no way that this is okay. I am still just like, yeah, you move it back. Also, OP.

57:07Shayne Topp:Yeah. But yeah. When people do something so audacious that it's kind of mind-blowing. Yeah. And it's kind of such a bold power move that you're scared to interact with them. You're like, wait, how do I draw this boundary back? They're not playing with the same set of rules that everyone else is. Holy God.

57:26Damien Haas:Hey, I ate your computer because you weren't using it. You're like, oh, yep. I guess then, yeah.

57:31Shayne Topp:This is the Genghis Khan of roommates. Where it's like, they did what? Yeah, yeah. What do you do? Like, truly.

57:42Tommy Bowe:She was even nice to be like, you can store some of your shit in my room. That is very nice. A nice roommate too.

57:47Shayne Topp:Yeah. Yeah. I was like, okay, maybe they've been assholes to each other. It's like, no, it doesn't sound like it. Comments. She moved your things out when you weren't there. You're off work now. Just swap things back straight away. Start with stripping the beds and changing the linen over. I wouldn't leave it till tomorrow. It normalizes the situation. If she comes home whilst you're in the middle of it, just keep going or ask her to help you. Her boyfriend should keep out of it. I assume he's lived there full time over the last month and he's seeing it as their flat now. OP said, yes, this is my worry.

58:15Shayne Topp:I still paid rent for this month. I was away, so I have every right to return to the same flat as I left. Someone said, move your stuff back. This isn't even a discussion. You found the place. You made it clear the smaller was her room. Put a lock on the door and say this isn't a discussion. It sucks she screwed herself over, but that's her problem, not yours. Lastly, someone said, just move it back yourself while she's out. Her boyfriend gets exactly no say. She agreed to live in the smaller room for the same rent. You are rightfully pissed. Yeah, I would be seeing bright red. Oh, my God. Yeah, that boyfriend is, what's his name in Lord of the Rings, who's whispering to the guy?

58:54Shayne Topp:What's his name? Kramer Wurmple? What the fuck did you say? Kramer Wurmtongue. His name is Wurmtongue, and they trusted him to be an advisor? Is that a family name? So what's the deal? Yes. Dude, jet lagged? You're not, we are our worst selves. Yes. I get upset coming home to my apartment after being gone

59:21Tommy Bowe:and past Tommy didn't clean up.

59:23Damien Haas:Yeah.

59:23Tommy Bowe:I can't imagine if my room's a different room.

59:27Damien Haas:Yeah. I would go crazy.

59:29Shayne Topp:Hear circus music and just start swinging. Oh, it's tough.

59:34Damien Haas:Yeah.

59:35Shayne Topp:It's tough.

59:36Damien Haas:Yeah. Oh my God. I also am so curious about like, did Lana need much prodding from the boyfriend? Like, how does that come into your brain where you're like, oh, I can just swap all of our shit? Yeah, I'll just do that.

59:52Shayne Topp:My suspicion is that the boyfriend played a part in this. The fact that the boyfriend there had the audacity to be like, yeah, and it's same rent, so it's fair that you guys both get it at some point. It's like, why are you saying that? The people wish for you to be the king. Because the roommate said, we can swap it back. We can talk about it later. But then the boyfriend's like, well, it's also fair. But perhaps we don't. Oh, I fucked off, Todd. Yeah. They're in the UK, right? I think they are. They're talking about a flat. They're talking about a flat.

1:00:20Tommy Bowe:Yeah.

1:00:20Shayne Topp:Yeah. Update.

1:00:22Tommy Bowe:Yes. Jail.

1:00:25Shayne Topp:And she's in jail now. I've taken the advice of most people on this thread and moved my stuff back. It's taken hours, and I'm knackered. They're from the UK. Confirmed. But I think if I left it another night, it would be a real problem. I sent her a text when I was almost done in case she kicked up a shitstorm and came home to say, hi, Lana. Hope you're having a nice day at work. Just to let you know, I'm moving my stuff back into my room. I didn't want you coming home and walking into the wrong one. Yes, I'm petty. No, that was a bad move. If you're petty, you don't text her. Don't say anything.

1:00:56Shayne Topp:Yeah, once again. Do what she did to you.

1:00:58Damien Haas:Don't text.

1:00:59Shayne Topp:Don't text.

1:01:00Damien Haas:Don't text. because they're not going to be like, okay, I see your logic in that.

1:01:04Shayne Topp:Sir, we've given the enemy the advantage. Just so you know, we let them know we're coming. That's how it was.

1:01:10Damien Haas:It used to be we're going to meet for war at 2 p.m. on this day because no one had phones. Yeah. So it was like you better show up with your best guys and horses here.

1:01:19Shayne Topp:By the way, I called the bank. I let them know we're going to heist it tomorrow so that it's all cool.

1:01:23Damien Haas:They were upset about it. They were not happy. Oh, my God. So I guess healthy communication is bad now.

1:01:28Shayne Topp:Yeah. I'll be talking to her when she gets in because this is out of character for her to the point of it being bizarre. She's never been anything but a model roommate. So I'm going to give her a chance before we're done-zo. If she wants to be reasonable and have a chat about rent portions, I'm happy to do that. She's never had a problem with the rent before. And honestly, I've never had uneven rent amounts in any place I've ever lived, whether I had a bigger room or smaller room. But a lot of people here are saying it's the norm, so I'm open to talking about it if she's not ridiculous. Okay, OP.

1:01:58Shayne Topp:She's already been ridiculous. OB should recognize that it is a sick situation to be paying the same rent for. To split evenly and you have more square footage, that's not normal. It's a lot of, and again, it doesn't excuse anything.

1:02:13Damien Haas:That's the B-plot that we don't care about. But she's like, yeah, my aunt. And she's down to talk about it.

1:02:17Shayne Topp:She's saying, okay, I'm open to talk about it. Okay, update number two. So as you know, I text Lana to tell her I moved my stuff back. She didn't reply to me. Fine, whatever. but she didn't kick off so I figured we were okay. You figured you were okay.

1:02:33Damien Haas:She didn't kick off? She didn't kick off. What's that mean? We're gonna have a chat like throwing a hissy fit I think?

1:02:39Shayne Topp:Our UK fans are like all right, stop it.

1:02:42Damien Haas:Let's kick off like crash out. Like shut up.

1:02:44Shayne Topp:Please shut up. I told my aunt what had happened who was as baffled as all of you and I told her it was probably all sorted just keeping her in the loop. I also told my boyfriend who works about five minutes down the road. He offered to come around in case Lana's boyfriend came around, but I told him not to because then we're ganging up on Lana. He insisted on going for a coffee with his mate a couple roads away in case we needed backup, which is a bit ridiculous, but very cute of him. So I did get myself a glass of wine while waiting for Lana. I think we're all sorted and everything's fine, but I did get myself a glass of wine and waited by the front door.

1:03:19Damien Haas:The situation has changed, Lana.

1:03:23Shayne Topp:Lana walks in, there's a gun on the bedside table.

1:03:25Damien Haas:I was like, yeah, so.

1:03:28Shayne Topp:Welcome in, Lana. I have a long cigarette and a glass of wine. Pitch black, just the cigarette in the darkness. Sit down. So I did get myself a glass of wine while waiting for Lana, not because I was nervous, I just like wine, and she came home. I was sat in the living room and gave her a very cold high when she walked in. She sort of froze, bag in hand, and her eyes darted between me and my, not her, our bedroom door. She blurted, did you do it? And I said, what, move the rooms back? Yeah, of course. Her eyes went all wide and she dropped her bag and ran into the bathroom. Her lipstick, red. I knew then that my life would be different.

1:04:11Tommy Bowe:It's just a noir.

1:04:12Shayne Topp:It's so noir right now. Her eyes went all wide and she dropped her bag and ran into the bathroom. I could hear her talking on the phone, so I was like, yippee, I guess Tom's coming around fun. I heard the door unlock and I was about to go full Hulk on how psycho she is when she came out of the door and stood between our bedrooms. Their doors are adjacent and she just stared between them both, breathing heavily. It was really odd. Then I noticed she was crying and getting a bit panicky. So I asked what was going on. She burst into tears and said, oh my God, he's going to kill me and just sobbed.

1:04:46Shayne Topp:So yeah, it was the boyfriend's idea completely as a lot of us suspected. She's honestly always been a perfect roommate, which is kind of why I came to this sub. If she was generally an arsehole, I would have known how to act, if you know what I mean. Anyway, Lana has a bit of a breakdown, and it turns out piece of shit Tom has always been a bit of a piece of shit. Very jealous, which I always saw hints of, but Lana never mentioned, so I didn't. And has amped up his piece of shit-ness. Piece of shit, shitty-ness. Shish-ness. Oh, you're knackered over there. It says P-O-S-I-S-H-N-E-S-S. P-O-S-ishness.

1:05:26Damien Haas:Piece of shit-ishness. Ishness. Piece of shit-ishness. It's like a small strip of land that connects two larger landmacks.

1:05:34Shayne Topp:Right, right. He became more of a piece of shit while I've been away. When I left, he just finished school and basically moved in unannounced, and when she'd mentioned he hadn't been home in days, he'd give her the, what, don't you love me? I treat you so well, you're so selfish, blah, blah, shit, and refused to move. She showed me the text he sent her, absolutely horrific stuff. Things like, ring me in the next five minutes or we're over. Send me a picture of you at your desk with something showing today's date so I know you're at work.

1:06:02Damien Haas:Just abusive stuff.

1:06:04Shayne Topp:On to the room. As we guessed, he moved it. He did it while she was at work, which is actually a bit gross thinking of him going through my stuff. and I'm considering somehow implying I have crabs or something he could catch just to make him squirm a bit, but I'll work on it. Lana came home and asked him what he was doing. He made out that it was just temporary and that I wouldn't mind. Such a gentleman speaking on my behalf and he would move it back and he was doing it for her and she was so selfish, et cetera. When it was a few days before I came back, Lana suggested moving it back and he completely denied he had said that and told her it was her idea to move it.

1:06:39Shayne Topp:He only did what she told him, but it's staying now or she'd be sorry. So basically Tom is a prick and Lana sobbed and apologized and cried and I fed her wine. She didn't want to see Tom who obviously assumed he lived there now. So I texted him from her phone saying our landlady, my aunt was coming around for an inspection and staying for dinner after with my family and he couldn't come over tonight. He sent a lot of begging, whiny texts and then went on the offensive and called Lana a liar. So I rang my aunt, explained everything and had her write us a fake landlord email mentioning the visit and how she was looking forward to fajitas because she's an absolute babe and I make good packet fajitas, which we forwarded on to Tom.

1:07:18Shayne Topp:He left her alone for the rest of the night apart from a few texts. I'm not entirely sure what we do about Tom. Lana sounds like she wants to break up, judging from her crying and screaming, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, into her wine. I think she's scared too, though. I checked with her and he doesn't have a key, so that's a relief. I've told my aunt everything and she said she is happy to ban him from the flat, but Lana would need to break up with him first and get all that sorted. Thanks everyone for the advice. I know it wasn't the most popcorn-y update but hopefully Lana will be okay and we're going to be doing some girly shit this week and avoiding Tom and yeah, God knows what will happen.

1:07:52Shayne Topp:And that's the end of the story.

1:07:53Tommy Bowe:Wow. Wow, so Tom really was the bad guy. Yeah. Crazy, that's so sweet. We called that, that's awesome. We called that bad, horrible story. Yeah.

1:08:03Shayne Topp:Oh yes, nightmare, horrible time. Well, we called it. We did it, so. happy ending fellas we did it we did it guys um god damn yeah a lot of partners coming into situations yes that happens

1:08:16Tommy Bowe:yes it does happen

1:08:17Shayne Topp:really does happen well it's a big dynamic shift

1:08:19Damien Haas:yeah yeah but especially with something like this I feel so bad like I good on OP for like immediately being like we protect Lana at all costs yes um and I do like the idea that like you know whether it was OP's boyfriend or anybody else sort of like you know rallying and being like Like, what do you need? What do we got? You know, and Tom should be thrown into the sun. Yes. Yes. Hurdled. Absolutely. Like, whoosh, whoosh.

1:08:46Shayne Topp:It's kind of interesting because she was, she like picked up on some stuff from before and it's kind of interesting that her boyfriend was like, we'll be nearby. Do you want us there? I'm like, I'm wondering, like, it seems like everyone was a little aware. A little on edge of Tom, yeah. It feels like it's a Reddit story thing. It's also a horror movie thing where it's like midway through. It's like, oh, by the way, here's the monster that we haven't been talking about.

1:09:08Tommy Bowe:It's like, oh, you didn't tell us about this element?

1:09:10Shayne Topp:Yeah. Oh, my God. Well, now we know. Yeah. Damn. But, yeah, shit. So, apparently, there was another update that we found, and she did break up with Tom. They also moved into an apartment with equal-sized bedrooms. Cute. So, our B-plot got solved as well. There we go. Oh, my God.

1:09:29Tommy Bowe:That's a series wrap on this story. That's a series wrap.

1:09:33Shayne Topp:Thank you both for being here. Thank you. Thank you for being the best roommates ever.

1:09:37Tommy Bowe:Hey, he's moving out. Because we live here. Yeah. We're going to sleep right here.

1:09:42Damien Haas:Oh, can I call the poof for the night? No. Oh. You know what? I think it's only fair that because we pay the same amount for the office, you can have the poof half the time too. Thanks, guys.

1:09:54Tommy Bowe:All right. Well, goodbye. Good night.

1:09:57Damien Haas:All right. Good night, Tommy. He sleeps like that. I'm dating a colony of ants. Can they stay forever?

1:10:07Tommy Bowe:I'm actually racist against ants.

1:10:12Oh, no.

1:10:13Tommy Bowe:Am I the bad roommate? Oh, yeah.

1:10:16Damien Haas:It's really weird of you to not let me have a bunch of ants here.

1:10:20Tommy Bowe:Oh, damn.

1:10:21Shayne Topp:Well, I put trackers on both your cars.

1:10:24Tommy Bowe:Oh, that's fine.

1:10:26Shayne Topp:Okay. That's fine. It's stolen anyway. Thank you all for watching. This has been a wild ride, as always. And we'll see you next Saturday. Bye. Bye. Goodbye.