You'll Pay For This | Reading Reddit Stories

24:15It's not the ex's fault. It's my fault that I'm feeling jealous. At least that's what it sounds like in this situation. This girlfriend, too, her comment is really messed up. Because it's not just insulting the OP. It's insulting potentially a lot of people in that situation by saying, why would I, like, in regards to would you ever do cosplay? Right. They go, oh, like, they're basically saying anyone who does cosplay is a slut. But you know that she's not saying, you know that she's - I know that she's not, but it's still just like - She's saying this directly about OP. Yeah, 100%. And everybody in that situation probably recognized that, including the ex.

24:49And she probably, I don't know, Maybe she also felt maybe a little jealousy that the OP was getting all this attention at the Comic-Con, like making these snide little quips and stuff whenever somebody asks to take a photo with her. I think that stuff is like, it's cool. Like you've spent all this time on a costume and people want to share that enthusiasm and take pictures of you or take pictures with you. It's funny though to be, like, it's funny to be jealous of that when it's like, Yeah, because they're at a convention where dressing up as cosplay is the point of it. So yeah, they're getting attention because they're doing that.

25:29But I also see what you're saying because people who get jealous and aren't clocking the irrationality of it. She's jealous. It's like, yeah, because they're doing the thing that people do here. Back to the show. The verdict was not the asshole. Comments, I'll apologize after your girlfriend apologizes for implying that we, the people cosplaying, were sluts. Short, sweet, and to the point. Let's see his hypocrite ass respond to that. I'd also tell your friend group that is your stance. It's the most fair for everyone involved. Someone said, not the asshole. So it was perfectly okay for her to bully you all day.

26:01But the second you clap back, which anyone would do after being called a slut, she's suddenly the victim and you have to apologize? No, she shouldn't give if she can't take. She started it. It's not your fault that she's so ridiculously insecure that she has to tear you down to feel better about herself. It's not your fault. She's immature. Lastly, someone said, not the asshole. keep in mind you are 22 and this is probably not your forever friend group. If they want you to go against your values to keep the peace, don't. You're not the one in the wrong. Yeah, I mean, early 20s, you could keep a lot of those friends, but you should not devalue yourself for your friend group or minimize yourself.

26:40I will say the ex, I don't like that he is trying to control the dynamic of the friend group. He's like, I'm threatening to leave if you don't abide by my girlfriend who I'm bringing into the fold. Yeah. Like, it's like, hey, this is the friend group. They, you guys have to operate as your own. Yeah. I feel like there is still room for like a level set of like, hey, you know, bring everyone together, bring all the parties together and be like, hey, like I reacted this way because what you said was really hurtful and the actions that you did throughout the day also hurt me. I'm sorry I, you know, reacted in this way but there was hurt there from things that you did.

27:23And so I think there's a way out of this and there's a way to preserve the friend group if the OP wanted that. Yeah. It would require both parties to be on board with that sort of level set. It would require a lot of work. I think OP should probably talk to the other people in the friend group first about the situation because if they're all there and witness all this, it's tough, man. Man, when you're in a friend group and two people start dating and then they break up, it's like, all right. Like that's on them to manage that. If I was - That's why Anthony and I have never dated. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

28:04Because it would just be like really tough. We didn't want to risk that. Yeah, it'd be really tough. Yeah, tough choice. If I'm like the friends in the friend group, I'm pissed at this guy because I'm like, hey, like you are doing the thing that breaks up friend groups. Like, I'm sorry, man. Like, this is the situation. You got to navigate this. He's trying to control OP. And the friend group. And the friend group, yeah. By saying, like, I'm going to leave if this, people don't accommodate me. It's just like, dude, fuck you. Like, I'm sorry. Okay, then leave, I guess? Yeah, like, it might be what has to happen.

28:37One of them has to go. Yeah. But he is bringing the insecurity about this. Yeah, his insecurity is causing all the issues. Or, I mean, I guess, and the person he's dating. but like it's going through him. And then he's saying, everyone needs a change because of my insecurities. Yeah, or my girlfriend's. Or my partner's insecurities. Update. Oh! Okay. So let's see what happens here. This is five days later. Okay, some shit's gone down in five days. She's like, I found a cosplay I'm doing that's even slutty. I'm cosplaying as your girlfriend. I'm Bayonetta. Yeah. All right. I'm silent. I'm silent dude imagine showing silent that was from Metal Gear Solid 5 oh it's basically I didn't get that far it's a big fully naked bikini warrior is that late in the game because I only played the first 40 hours that game is like 200 hours I swear yeah I think it's halfway because Metal Gear 5 yeah am I thinking of 5 no I think you are yeah the open world Metal Gear yeah I was like 40 hours deep in that I didn't see her I think she probably comes in about 50 or 60 hours anyway I gotta hear this update alright sorry I got distracted Wow, I didn't expect this post to blow up as much as it did.

29:49Thank you for all the support, understanding, and kind comments. First of all, I want to apologize if the redaction in the original post wasn't the best. English is not my first language, and I kind of wrote it in the heat of the moment. Second of all, my ex left the friend group and took his new girl with him. Good riddance. After a final attempt at making me apologize, he left the chat through a long paragraph of text and a block to every single person involved. The two, ex, friends who asked me to apologize to him followed suit. I'm not surprised in the slightest, since they've been his friends longer than they have been mine.

30:20I will admit I'm a bit heartbroken about it, but I'll get over it. Of course, my ex DM'd me to call me an immature bitch one last time, then proceeded to block me as well. I'm honestly fine with that. Now for some clarifications on the original post. Yeah, I admit the screaming match was very immature and impolite of us. I don't want to make excuses, but after a whole day at the con, we were all tired, hungry, and very annoyed. Emotions were running high, and we behaved very immaturely. Thankfully, that particular place is used to dealing with con attendees and weren't too harsh on us. We did leave a big tip as an apology.

30:52To everyone asking if I'll post the cosplay, I am flattered, but while I believe, I've become a bit more confident in myself. They're like, oh, we just gotta see it. Yeah, nice going, Reddit. Yeah, cool story. Let's do photos. We'll be the judge if it's slutty enough. I don't think I'm ready to blast it to thousands of people on the internet just yet. Maybe I'll upload something to my main account at some point, but definitely not here. Just in case anyone wants to know what the Screamy Match scene looked like, only five people out of the 11 were wearing regular clothes. The others were all in cosplay.

31:22I love that. Viper, myself, Chamber, two Mykus, a Cave from Genshin, and a friend's original character. Again, thank you all, and sorry if you were expecting a more dramatic update. I'll reach out if anything more interesting happens though I really doubt it see ya that's so funny if I saw this if I saw someone recording this on TikTok I would be watching this whole clip yeah that sounds awesome oh I'm sure fights happen at every convention because they are it's always hot yeah I'd love to see a fight at a furry convention yeah oh I'm sure you can find him David Attenborough's narrating it from somewhere yeah as you can see the foxes have gotten into a tiff Oh, man.

32:06I know. I got some Google searches in my future. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. We combine these first two stories. Yeah. Furries getting in a fight at McDonald's. Hell, yeah. Oh, I'm in. Some prime entertainment there. I never thought about people going to a con as their OC. As an original character? Yeah. Yeah, if they're putting stuff out there. I don't know. Interesting. People do all sorts. People really go for niche things. They really do. Because there was a few times back in the day where we would go to Comic-Con, and I was like I'm rarely recognizing things like I'm in but nobody's gonna go as the most popular stuff they gotta find the like they gotta show that they know ball exactly they're like I went as the chef from episode 219 of One Piece that was in the background but that's gonna be a really sick fucking ref for like the five people there yeah you've seen all the the chosen there's like there's this trend of people going to these cons as chosen there's videos of them coming down escalators It's so funny.

33:02There's just like 50 Chosens down an escalator. Yeah. I would be disappointed. Have you seen these popping up? No. Oh, people really go as the Chosen a lot. It's a great costume for a con. Yeah. I'm very honored whenever I see people dressing up as the Chosen. If people get in a fight as the Chosen, I will be disappointed. Yeah. Like that's, because that goes against the character. Chosen uses words. Well, at our Sponsored Reads Reddit story show in London, these two people went as ZocDoc. Oh, I saw Zoc and I saw Doc. One shirt said Zock, the other shirt said Doc. That's the deep ref right there.

33:35I was like, you guys are doing free advertising. Okay. So this dude split up the friend group. Entirely split in half. Split up the friend group. And in such a lame way too, being like, I'm going to write this huge paragraph and I'm going to block everyone so you can't respond to it. And everyone's a bitch. Embarrassing. It is embarrassing. Anyways, moving on. I don't feel like either of these have been like revenge as much as these are people standing their ground in a very fair way. Yeah. So far, I believe. I mean, it's kind of like a big reaction maybe, but it seems appropriate for the situation.

34:14To some degree. I'm on their sides. Yeah. Our next story comes from True Off My Chest. This is posted in 2023. My ex-girlfriend got revenge on me and I'm so broken. Oh. Whoa. Oh, this is from this perspective. Yeah, interesting. This is going to be a... The vengeance receiver. Yeah. I feel like this is going to be a heartbreaking perspective. I, a 25-year-old man, have been with my ex-girlfriend Carly, 23, for nearly 10 years. We were high school sweethearts and had a good relationship up until after she completed college. Adulthood has been putting a strain on our relationship, so bills and finding sustaining jobs has been a challenge.

34:53We started arguing a bunch and just started overall being annoyed with each other's existence. We weren't sleeping in the same room, let alone being intimate. It was a tough time to say the least. We tried therapy and I felt like it wasn't working. I honestly wanted to be done, but I couldn't break up with her because we lived together and she helped me get out of debt. So I did something horrible and I started cheating on her with her childhood best friend. Her other childhood best friend? I thought she would never find out and my gosh, I was wrong. Yesterday afternoon, I came home and she wanted to talk and without hesitation, she jumped straight into it and asked me point blank if I was cheating on her.

35:31And I, of course, tried to lie. And she just starts laughing and says, I knew you weren't going to admit it, but I was going to give you the benefit of the doubt. So now I just feel less guilty. I just confessed to her and she just looked at me and didn't have any expression nor speak. When I finished, she just laughed and told me and I will never forget it. Honestly, it's fine because Louis was over last weekend and we had a great time. My heart dropped to my stomach because Louis is my big brother. Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, that is diabolical. Damn, this is messy. Diabolical. This is messy. You kept it in the family?

36:09God damn. Oh. I just thought it was a low blow on Carly, given she knew how insecure I was about my brother. He's the golden child and literally always did things 10 times better than me. I'm stuck having to have some sort of - Six inches taller. Yeah. bigger dong eight pack maybe even ten pack I'm stuck having to have some sort of relationship with him and meanwhile she can just drop her friend my chest and heart have been hurting so much since I found out and I'm so broken I know I was wrong for cheating first but if she knew but if she knew why didn't she just break up with me first I called out of work because I feel like throwing up just thinking about it.

36:54Edit. I did not intend for this to be a viral post. I'm just extremely hurt and I get, I fucked up. Also, yes, I know she did because she offered video proof and my brother has been dodging my calls. Oh my, what the hell? I'm going actually insane right now and all you people here are just obsessed with kicking me while I'm down and it's fucked up. Like, I get it. LOL, so funny. She won. Good for her. Also, with the debt, she helped me pay off. She just did it from her inheritance. I didn't, It was just her inheritance. If she asks for the money back, I will be willing to set up some payment arrangement with her.

37:28Oh my. This is insane. So messy. And he's the victim. He thinks he's the victim. And she's offering to send him a video of her fucking his brother. That's crazy. This is chaos. Oh my God. Oh my God. You know what? Okay, okay. there's a million things going on one is one is him going like why didn't she just break up with me right like buddy we could ask the same thing of you right and you're giving all these excuses of like well the situation's weird and we're living together and stuff I'm like yeah that's kind of why cheating is so shitty because yeah you're stuck in that situation like yeah if you're gonna cheat you need to just break up like he's like she could've just cheated on me with anyone else yeah So that it wouldn't have been too hurtful.

38:22Yeah, it hurt me too much. You already chose her childhood best friend. Yeah, which is... It's already... And also, to say... I didn't think she'd find out. How dumb are you? All the people in the world... If you are going to cheat, you have to know that that shit is going to get found out. Especially someone so close to her, right? Oh my God. The closest person. outside of a brother, maybe. What the fuck? She one-upped me slightly. Yeah, it's like, duh, she's gonna find out. Okay, though, the childhood best friend and his brother, diabolical humans. Oh, they're horrible. Everyone's horrible. Everyone sucks here.

39:09Everyone here sucks. Like, that's not, I guess it's not her childhood best friend. No. Like, what the hell? And then his brother? Like, his brother just sounds like he's the devil. Just living to ruin his life. I mean, I think that dynamic happens a lot more than we think. Oh, awfully. Of like people, I mean, I think a lot of times I feel like we've all kind of heard stories of people where it's like, oh, this couple got divorced and then one person started seeing the other person in the family. I feel like that happens not like often, but often enough to know it's like an existing only one out of every 10 ,000 writes a Reddit post about him yeah yeah right oh my god so basically she helped him out of debt yeah so she was basically I think in many ways like supporting him and they out of an inheritance yeah it was just her inheritance it was just her inheritance she didn't earn it I don't know it was free money free money I it's just like it's impossible to be on this guy's side like and all the things he's giving, I just kind of struggle with it.

40:21It was like, we weren't sleeping in the same room, let alone being intimate. It was a tough time to say the least. We tried therapy and it felt like it wasn't working. It's like, all right, like, then have the conversation and break up. Everything in the universe was telling us to break up, but I just had to sleep with her childhood friend. Were they married? I don't think they... Girlfriend. No, they're just dating. But I mean, 10 years. Yeah. 10 years is like a marriage. I mean, they're living together. Their lives are intertwined. I couldn't imagine. like dating somebody from 13 to 25 or whatever.

40:56That's like, you just - That is wild. You're a completely different person. I mean, I get that feeling of being like kind of trapped in a relationship where you're living in a house and you're like in it way past it. You're in the relationship way past its prime. Totally. And you're like - And you don't know any other relationship. Yeah, and you're like, I feel like this isn't working, but I don't have enough experience in my life to know is this the way that just relationships are just supposed to be? I can't do it this way, but when it gets to the point where you're like, we're sleeping in different beds and I'm cheating, it's like, and therapy isn't working.

41:26I don't understand. I'm like, if you are cheating on someone, the relationship is over. If you are at that point where you have no communication and you're just operating, I'm like, you don't sound like you like each other. Why are you doing that? Especially at 25. I'm like, I don't understand. It's not like you have kids and it's like, oh, we're supporting our children together and stuff. It's like, come on, man. And this is a tough thing when a relationship's not working out. There's always a really good reason of like, well, we can't break up because it's so uncomfortable and it's awkward. It's like, yeah, breaking up sucks, especially if you live together.

41:59It is super inconvenient. It's going to be an absolute hassle, but you got to do it. And as much as it hurts now, it's going to hurt worse later. It only gets worse. If they broke up a year prior, the pain would have been a lot more manageable than this. Yeah. It's also just funny that like he feels indebted to her to not break up with her because she paid off his debt. Yeah. But not indebted enough to not cheat on her. Right. Like the debt stands out so much in his mind that he's adding it in this post. Yeah. And also in like the most hurtful way too. Like there's only outside of, yeah, relatives.

42:37There's like, that is probably the most hurtful person that you could cheat on. Yeah. It seems almost purposeful, right? Yeah, yeah. To like completely. Like he was trying to force her hand. Almost like. Force her to break up with him. Yes, like he was sabotaging it. Yeah, yeah, he was trying to sabotage. I'm picking up a few context clues from this. One is that when he lied to her, so she asked him like flat out, like, are you cheating on me? He lied and she was like, I knew you would. She had already gotten her revenge, but she clearly at this stage had zero faith in him and had such disdain for him.

43:14And this behavior clearly had been, she had probably caught him in a million lies up to this point. Also, I'm guessing that this affair with her best friend has been going on for a while. If she slept with his brother a week ago and is now asking, like, it sounds like this timeline, this was not like, I slept with your best friend once. It's like, stuff had been happening. So I think she was so beyond done. this guy lost me so many times though he's like yeah and then she asked me if i cheated and i lied and i know he's not asking for our opinion it's just a confession oh yeah but it's like dude you're not going to get sympathy from reddit if you're saying like people don't like they're not going to stand with a cheater even like especially not reddit reddit hates a cheater yeah i mean i just think like people nowadays really hate breaches of trust like yeah that's what it really is.

44:03It's the deception of it all. Like, no one wants to be like, and like, it's not, a one-time deception obviously is horrible, but, and then to be repeated and repeated and repeated, it like just exponentially increases in pain. Right. The comments on this, you didn't just cheat. You went to her best friend all while you continued to reap the benefits of living with her. How is what you did somehow less worse than her going to your brother? And only in the aftermath of you doing it first, mind you. So she'd hurt you too. You really aren't a victim here, my guy. and I don't know why you expected anyone here to fall over themselves telling you otherwise.

44:36Someone said, this post is so funny. You go and cheat on her, but when you get the same treatment back, somehow it breaks your heart, please. Someone said, if you had a bad relationship, then why didn't you break up with her? You decided to cheat instead and now you're mad that she did it back. You should be ashamed of yourself. I'm glad she gave you a taste of your own medicine. Damn, people are glad that. I mean, like, yeah, I think he's still allowed to feel hurt by what she did. But at the same time, it's like, yeah. He's probably more allowed to be mad at his brother, but her, it's like, dude.

45:12There's just like this weirdness where like when someone's being so hypocritical, it's like, bro, look at yourself in the mirror for a second. Why are you getting your feelings hurt when you're looking at the situation in the mirror? Yeah. I really think like it seems like like cheating really messes with people in their head. Like getting away with it seems like it really does something. Like I almost think that's worst case scenario is to get away with it. Because I'm like, now your brain is like, oh, I got away with that. And like, I'm just like, ugh. Like I almost think that that scares me more than the repercussions, you know?

45:46Like I'm just like, I just think it's bad for you. I feel like it would be such a haunting feeling. Totally. To live like it's, I think it's the same with doing anything and getting away with it, like people who get away with a murder. Right. Where I'm just like, you're now living day to day in this weird simulation of like everyone's talking to me as if I am someone. Yeah. Right. And nobody knows me. I'm like, it's gotta be isolating. And that's why like, I know like, isn't it a weird thing that with cheating, the cheater can develop a resentment towards their partner. Yeah. For like not knowing.

46:19And like, it's a weird, I'm like, it's one of those things where I'm like, I don't want to deal with the psychological horrors that come with that. Yeah. And like a lot of times it comes up on this show, and you even mentioned, when someone is so concerned about their partner cheating, so often they're the ones cheating, and that's why the idea is planted in their head in the first place. The biggest red flag is severe levels of suspicion. Yeah. And that's just their own anxiety going crazy, because they're anxious about their own situation. So they're being anxious about everything. Because you can't trust anyone if you know you've gotten away with something.

46:52Yeah, yeah. That's true. It's like, it's so easy for me to get away with. Everyone's getting away with something. It's truly like, it's like a horror to me. Yeah. I agree. Anyways, moving on. Because that is the revenge so far. That was crazy. That is revenge. That was the first like real, true diabolical revenge. That was some Game of Thrones revenge where it's like the revenge had already been lain. Right. Literally. It was like, oh, I've already done it. I want to see the scene like reenacted with like Game of Thrones theme. Right? I could see that. Yeah. That'd be a good episode. I want to see like the girlfriend comment to be like, yeah, and I'm with his brother and he's great.

47:38Everything is awesome. Taller, longer, wider, faster, stronger. We're buying a house. Richer. I'm already pregnant with this child. Better hairline. Way better hairline. Okay. Bakes a really mean baked ziti. Oh. Yeah. What is that? Whatever. Pasta. Okay. All right. Our final story comes from Petty Revenge. This was posted the week of Christmas, 2025. Ooh, Merry Christmas. I ate a bag of rich man's nut so my boss would stop coming into my office and eating the rich man's nuts. okay coming into the office the way this is phrased there's a lot going on here it's the holidays so the company I work for gets a lot of gift baskets from our clients and vendors I work in a department that because of the work we do we rarely get gifts and treats unless one of the other departments shares their gifts with us thankfully someone shared a couple of baskets with nuts candies crackers etc the VP has been coming into our office almost every day to pick from our gift baskets He doesn't do this to any of the other departments, and I have seen him get a couple of baskets himself and never shared them.

48:55We had an unopened basket, and he opened it, then chose the most expensive item, a bag of pistachios, and ripped into it, stealing some of our pistachios, then said, I love the rich man's nut.

49:11Are pistachios the rich man's nut? They are more expensive. Oh, wow. Especially if they come pre-shelled. I got to learn about the harvesting process of these things to justify the price of these rich man's. They are delicious. I feel like pistachios on a lot of expensive desserts and stuff. Yeah, like Middle Eastern desserts. Yeah, like baklava, which has pistachio on top. Is Dubai chocolate, is that pistachio? Yep, that has pistachio. Okay, so the vice president is coming into their office, grabbing pistachios and saying, I love the rich man's nut. And these are gift bags. These are gift baskets.

49:46That were for the workers. So for the workers, for departments, they're a department that doesn't get many gifts. So like someone else gave them some of theirs. And this vice president's waltzing in, taking the best things from their basket. Do you remember we had somebody, we had somebody back in the Defy days. What are you doing with your fingers? This sounds like a mysterious story. What is this? Remember when we are. Come with me to the pistachio pond. Do you remember there was an executive at Defy and there was a bowl of M &Ms and they would walk in and just like grab M &M's and somebody was like, oh, I saw that person not wash their hands.

50:26They didn't, yeah. They go to the bathroom. Was this when I worked there or was this? No, this was in the dark ages. Okay, this is the year after. And then they would like walk into this room that had a bowl of M &M's and they would just like stick their dirty little wiener hands on into the M &M's. The hands were bad enough. The unwashed hands were bad enough. The rich man's nut. The rich man's nut, yeah. It could have been peanut M &M's. Yeah. It might have been. Oh, boy. Yeah, I do remember this. Oh, those wiener hands. This man makes five times what I do. When the opportunity came for him to fight for raises for us, he didn't.

51:08And now he is coming into our office and stealing our gifts and eating our rich man's nut. This cannot continue. I decided that I'm going to eat every single pistachio. I don't particularly like pistachios or nuts, but I am not going to let him come in here and steal my rich man's nut. I'm going to eat them all to myself and enjoy every single last minute of it. I have eaten four sleeves of nuts. The basket is now empty. My body doesn't feel good, but my pride is intact knowing I am full of rich man nut. While he cannot take any more. There's lots of other ways to get that, you know. I am full of rich man nuts.

51:43You can just get on like a sugar baby like website. Okay. There's lots of other ways. Why didn't this person just, I don't know if you're finished with the story. It's over. Okay. Why didn't this person just like hide them? Just tell their department, hey, like this guy shouldn't be stealing our rich man nuts. You don't have to eat them all at once. I don't think this counts as revenge because that also means the rest of the department doesn't get that. Yeah, yeah. Revenge on one person. What are you doing? He cut off his neck. Robin Hood, but if he can't fall to the wall. Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck?

52:21Dealing from the rich and... You're like if Robin Hood ate the gold coins. Yeah.

52:29He cut off his balls to save his wiener. You know? What? Oh my God. I don't know, cut off your... What is the term? The rest of the accounting department is like, hey man, where did the pistachios go? And he's over here like filled to the brim, just like, ugh. Pistachios are so filling. I got a bag at the airport thinking I was just gonna chow down on the floor. I was so full by a third of the way through. Yeah, they're like really fatty. Yeah. They're good for you. But that takes effort. Yeah, he's got a lot of fiber. I don't know how much fiber pistachios. I don't know. I just know they're really good for you.

53:06I don't know pistachios in particular. I'm thinking like almonds and stuff. Yeah, okay. Walnuts. I might have some fiber. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Comments. I mean, you could have taken them to someone who would enjoy them, but I still approve. That guy is a jerk. Someone said, life pro tip, you have enough pistachio paste inside of you right now that if you dipped yourself in dark chocolate, you'd be the world's largest Dubai chocolate. That's a thought. Wow. But you'd also need like phyllo dough too. Yeah, yeah. You need a lot of stuff. Someone said, that's nuts. Just put the best stuff in your drawers and leave the cheapest for him.

53:38Opie said, bro, that's the fucked thing. We hid them twice and he still found it and ate our stuff. I think your vice president is a squirrel. Yeah. I was thinking he's like, yeah, he's like a... He's sniffing around for them. He's like a truffle pig, you know. He's like, I know they're around here somewhere. There's pistachios. Yeah, I don't know if that counts as vengeance. I think vengeance would be you'd have to swap them out with like those super spicy nuts. Oh, yeah. Something like that. You gotta get him. But he was unharmed in this process. There were so many fun ways he could have gone about that revenge, right?

54:13He could have swapped them out all for shelled pistachios. Or if he really wanted to put in the time, he could have taken the pistachio out of the shell and just gave him a bunch of shells. Oh, a bunch of shells. A bunch of shells. Or went through all the pistachios that have shells on them and only left in the ones that are, you know, sometimes they don't quite. Oh, yeah. Like, there's not enough, like, of a gap to actually open them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Break a fingernail. I really can't do anything that I have to shell. I struggle with that stuff. I'm like, I don't want to work for this.

54:47Okay, privilege. Truly. Yeah. I'll crack those thick-ass nuts in my teeth, though. And it's scary. That's crazy. It's scary. You're like, I might lose something. You know what he also could have done is attach the bag of pistachios to, like, a string, like a pulley system. so when he grabbed the pistachios, two logs came down and smoked. Oh, yeah! Okay, great. No, you could have done that. That's gonna be an awkward HR conversation. He walked into his office, the guy's hanging from the ceiling like, whoa! Yeah. Yeah, you know. Did this guy not watch Home Alone? Were his wheels not turning? Yeah, clearly.

55:22I mean, he can up his game here. Yeah, instead he hurt his stomach. Instead he felt full. Yeah, congrats, man. It's kind of on him. Ate a bunch of pistachios. You could have just taken, if you're gonna eat them, I'll just take the pistachios home. Like, what are you doing? Why did you eat that in one sitting? There's so many other things he could have done, and he chose the silliest option. All right. I want to know if the dude came in and was like, where are they? Where are my pistachios? He's like, they're in my belly. They're in me. Then I'm going to eat you. Yeah. Just tears open his stomach.

55:54All right. Well, that was our final story. Wow. Wow. Some good vengeance today. Was there? Well, nothing beats the one guy who's... The brother. Yeah, who cheated on his girlfriend, and then she slept with his brother. That's peak vengeance. The rest was kind of silly, but still good. If anyone sleeps with my childhood friend, I'm going to sleep with their brother. All right. And you heard it here, folks. It's the way the cookie crumbles. That's just how it goes. That's how it goes. It's the only logical thing. Hey, look, it's what you have to do. Anyways, thank you both for joining me. Of course.

56:37Had a great time. Thank you.

56:42Of course. I don't know the way you said it. I'm just wrapping it up. I'm just wrapping it up. Sure. Look, yeah, you walk into my office and I have a bowl of pistachio nuts. And I'm like, go ahead, Ian. Help yourself. You're like, what are you going to do? The space you want. I'm on the phone with your brother no no I'm calling your brother now this is how I find out I have a brother yeah we found your long lost brother and I fucked it I went on ancestry.com I have a brother and your brother and I fucked it and you're just like you just put the pistachio back in the yeah okay alright thank you both for joining thank you And thank you for watching.

57:30We'll see you next Saturday. Goodbye. Bye. Thanks again to DoorDash for sponsoring this episode of Reddit Stories.