Jo Koy’s “Big Branz” Is the Wildest Food Hack Ever

0:01FX's American Horror Story returns for an unrivaled 13th installment. With the iconic horrors you love to fear and an all-star cast reprising fan-favorite roles. Light your candles, draw your pentagrams, and prepare for a supreme surprise. FX's American Horror Story 13. Now streaming on Hulu. Hi, I'm Jo Saltz, editorial director of Delish. And this is Snacks, the podcast where we talk to your favorite stars about their craziest food obsessions. Today, we have the hilarious comedian who has a great special right now on Netflix. It's called Blue in the Face. Please welcome Jo Coy. And we'll be right back.

1:18The End horror story 13 now streaming on hulu

1:29wait but we were talking about when you came in you don't shake hands because you're stressed out about that dirty hand then eating chips later and i was saying i was blissfully ignorant as to what i touch all day i had terrible habits but see now that and then you now you may be even more stressed out because elevator buttons the elevator button and railings of staircases Oh, disgusting. I'm so sorry. But it's true. Escalators. Ugh. I mean, do you live in Manhattan? No, I live in L.A. I live in L.A. So how do you feel in the city? Have you been getting around the people here? Yeah, I mean, I love it here.

2:04My allergies are so bad. I think that's because you come from like... I think you can tell. My eyes are swollen. Do you have allergies in L.A.? Do they have allergies in L.A.? I have. It's different. Something happened here last night. I think you guys got... We got rain. It was raining last night. Is that what it was? Yeah. Because I was out at Times Square until like damn near 2 o 'clock in the morning. And you couldn't tell the morning. Because my billboard's up. Oh, Netflix special. So I, you know what I mean? I was standing in front of it taking as many videos as I can. So fun. Yeah, man.

2:37Did you get Sbarro while you were there? Of course. Well, if you want authentic, you know, pizza, yeah, you get Sbarro. You have to. Yeah. But did you actually? I also went to Einstein bagels for a bagel I hear you have a crazy obsession with cinnamon rolls I do Where did that come from? How did you know that? They do their research Am I allowed to say Cinnabon? Yeah I know how to make Cinnabon No you don't I swear to God The actual Cinnabons? Yeah Humble brag Holy moly How did you learn that? That's the true story My ex-wife figured it out I mean it's not hard She googled it Sorry she reverse engineered Oh okay Yeah she reverse engineered it yeah she she we went to the mall and we bought a sit-up bun and then we hydrated it till it became a paste and i bought her this uh what is the thing that tell us what's what is the thing that you look through my i bought her a microscope and she made a bunch of like little petri samples and we were able to reverse engineer it come to find out it wasn't it wasn't flour.

3:45It was blended oatmeal. It was the craziest thing. But to see that in the Petri. The internet will not be able to handle this. It's nuts. You're going to blow it up. Angie, good for you for reverse engineering that Cinnabon roll and not Googling it. Finding it on someone's blog. It was amazing because she had to go to microscope class. Oh my God. On how to like reverse engineer things. Microscope class. Yeah. But it was crazy. So it's actually just. It's so good. It's just blended. It's just blended oatmeal. Seriously, this is why I love having comedians on the show. Stop it. It's the best. It's the best because I just, I don't have to work that hard.

4:27It's so good. You're amazing. Let me ask you, though, questions about the Cinnabon. When were you introduced to this? Like, when were you introduced to this? As a teenager? Yeah. Like, is this what happened? It was in Vegas when it first happened. Oh, my God. The Cinnabon phenomenon. Yeah. I don't think people really understand what food courts were. How old are you, though? I'm older than you. On the count of three, we say our age. One, two, three, 50. Oh, shit. I totally fell for that. That sucked. You are old. That sucked. I just got out of college. Crap. That really sucked. I'm 55. Okay, so we grew up in the food court era.

5:08But you grew up in Tacoma? I grew up in Tacoma, and that food court sucked. Oh, that's interesting. It wasn't until I got to Vegas that's when Panda Express came. Oh, God. That's next level. Panda Express is so good, and I'm not trying to be funny. It is so good. It's so good if I went to China and ate at a Chinese restaurant, and they go, how was your food? I'd be like, it's good. It's no Panda Express, but it's good. They will kick you out. I don't care. As long as I let them know, like, hey, get orange chicken. You could up your game. Please, step it up. Here's what I'll say. Because I don't know what you're cooking.

5:47They started, as far as I'm concerned, the phenomenon of free samples. Yeah. Because the Panda Express near me had the little tray. Yeah. And that's how they got you in. And what was on the tray? Say it. It was orange chicken. We've talked about. By the way, I reverse engineered orange chicken. I mean. You're not going to believe it. It's tangerine. Joe, I would watch every day a show of you and your ex-wife reverse engineering food. So if someone is listening. Yo, that would be so good. Give me some. How dumb would that show be? Hi, I'm Angie. And I'm her ex, Jill. And we're going to reverse engineer a sticker bar.

6:22Those are peanuts. It would be no better than what is out there on YouTube already. And let me just say that. It would be no worse than that. You know what I'm saying? I need more food court content here. I want top five food court. We should just let the video roll for three hours straight. Because I can talk to you all day. Joe. You are fun. You're fun. You are really good. And we know we spell our names the same. J-O. Yeah. That's crazy. Well, does everybody add an E to yours? Is that so annoying? My mom. Yeah. My mom wouldn't even call me Joe. Because my dad's name was Joe. So she would only call me my full name, Joanna.

6:58Ugh. Yuck. I know. So annoying. Yeah. My real name is Joseph Glenn. Ready? Mm-hmm. Herbert. Really? That's why I changed my name. Right there. Because these jerk-offs. These jerk-offs were the guys. No, you need to hear this, Joanne. These jerks right here were the guys I had to deal with at open mics out of high school. So they introduced me and they go, Joseph Herbert? And everyone's like, and I had to do five minutes at a coffee house following my name. And that's why I changed my name to Joe Coy. will see your Joseph Herbert and raise you a my name when I was growing up was Joanna you Nina's my maiden name is you Nina's and everybody used to call me everyone used to call me banana your penis that's funny don't you kind of wish my name is Joanna you Nina's and they used to call me banana your penis that's pretty good you're not going to believe this I would have killed for a Herbert you know what's crazy what's that we're going to start calling you that I know I know and I'd probably answer to it yeah I gotta say it alright wait can we come back to food courts because I love food court content top five food court restaurants Panda Express one yep okay and I'm being very honest with you you gotta remember this is this is a very low income wage.

8:34Okay. Sbarro. Hold on. The baked ziti. Oh. And you get the extra tomato sauce and you buy that meatball, which was actually just crushed up paper. We reverse engineered it. And dye. Meatball colored dye. It was meatball colored dye. You ever buy like paste and newspaper and shred it and then ball it up? Remember that? Yep. And then they would put meatball flavoring in it. And you could read the news, which was crazy. I'm like, you're not going to believe this, but the Bulls won again. It was in my meatball. It was in my meatball. It's like an Italian fortune cookie.

9:19I'm so talented. It's funny. You're funny. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You're funny. Ever. Three, stay the course. Okay. Did I say Cinnabon? No. No. Yeah, I did. Cinnabon was one. No. Panda Express was one. Panda Express, Villa. Yeah. No, no, no, no. Panda Express. Panda Express. You're losing it. Sbarro. Sbarro. That's right. Sbarro. Okay. So what was one? Panda Express. Yep.

9:46Number one is Panda Express. That is. That was Panda Express. Number two. Number two was Sbarro. Yes. Number three was a place. Now you got to remember, this is like 89, 90. Yep. Orange Julius. Oh, my God. And they had the best orange. I don't know what they called it, but it was an orange drink. And they stuck a secret powder in it. It was before the smoothie thing became famous. Those were not smoothies. They weren't smoothies. I keep telling you. It was crushed ice and some orange powder. It was like a smushed up orange-sicle. Yeah. Cream-sicle. It was an orange cream-sicle drink. Yeah. And I loved it.

10:25Yeah. And it wasn't juice, but it wasn't a milkshake. And it wasn't a smoothie. And it wasn't fruit. And it wasn't orange. It was fluffy. Because I reverse engineered it. But it does exist still. It is out there. To this day, people still do it. People make it. Those people have diabetes. That's true. Unfortunately. Unfortunately. Number four. Stick with me. Hold on. Hold on. I'm going to get this. Number four. There's one more. Oh, my God. You ready for this? Remember, this is 89. Mrs. Fields cookies. Oh, my goodness. People don't understand what Mrs. Fields cookies did to the mall. It was like you couldn't get cookies like this.

11:02You couldn't get cookies. You couldn't get warm cookies. It was like God was like, I'm going to open a kiosk. Yeah. And I'm only going to sell cookies. Yep. And it was right there by JCPenney. Now, did Mrs. Fields, because there was the Great American Cookie Company, which. Gross. Who was on here waxing poetic about it? Our sweet Tony Hale. Someone liked that? Tony Hale loves. The Great American Cookie Company? Tony. That is the worst cookie place on the planet. Tony loves it, and I have to agree with him. Who is Tony? Tony Hale. Tony Hale. Why? He loved it. Why would you like that? He loved it.

11:39That is the worst cookie. You might as well just make Toll House at home. Well, it was a little less baked than Toll House, wasn't it? It wasn't even a cookie, honestly. It was just something to put M &M's on top of. That's true, and like piping. But Mrs. Fields was a gourmet cookie. That was a gourmet cookie. And you could smell it. Remember when they would make a fresh one? Yep. And then, do you remember when the niblets came out? The baby ones in a little bucket. And you could mix? Yep. I can get macadamia, semi-sweet. Yep. I can get chocolate double fudge. Number five, Cinnabon. Can we just get to...

12:16I've asked a top five of the last few guests, and I can't get the five. I just love the five. Hold on, because there's one more. But isn't Cinnabon five? Cinnabon would be five. Let's make it five. I'd say, I think Cinnabon and Mrs. Fiel should share four. Should share four. Oh, I see. So then you got a fifth. I do have a fifth. You ready? Mm-hmm. You're going to love this one. Here it comes. This is a good one. He's thinking. I'm actually still thinking about it. I'm trying to think of what was even in my food court. Because it was like, we had a Wendy's. I have another one. Let's hear it. You ready for this one?

12:53Yeah. Long John Silver. Oh. Wild. With the little crunchy bits. Wild. Which was just the, you remember the little crunchy? And they even said, do you want a little extra crunchies? And I went, can I have a whole separate plate of crunchies? A whole separate plate. I was afraid of Long John Silver's. I was never afraid of that place. I loved it. Something about buying fish in the mall was not attractive to me. Buying fish anywhere, by the way, is not a good choice. I recently had the revelation, because I fly a lot. I travel a lot. I'm sure you do as well. Airplane, the movie, turned me off of eating fish on a plane ever in my whole life.

13:32I don't think I've ever gotten fish on a plane. That's so funny, because it is disgusting if you really think about it. Right, but I'm also like, for some reason, I now have a childhood trauma of seeing airplane and thinking you can't eat fish on a plane. Would you believe I salivate when they have that for an option? I would believe it. Is it true? I'm not even... All the time. Do you order the fish? Always. I'm gross. Wait, what's your go-to airplane food? What will you order? You must fly back and forth. Only vegetarian. Okay. Or the fish option. Oh, are you pescatarian? Yeah. Okay. Wow. Or sometimes they have a vegetable, like, pasta.

14:13Sorry, the wow was not to pescatarian. The wow was to ordering fish on a plane. Yeah. I love it. Huh. Pretend we're on a flight and you're offering me, you work for the plane. Yeah. Sir, we're serving dinner. What would you like? Oh, what are the options? Well, we have chicken. We have scrambled eggs. We have a vegetable platter. Oh, what? And we have a bone-in Bronzino. Oh, my God.

14:45What would you like? Which one would you like? Can I have all the bones, please, in that Branzino? Do you want to be deboning a fish on a plane? Can you think of one? Imagine if they pulled up in the cart and they had to put on their special gloves. And there's just like... And the service is awful. Some restaurants, they brag about how they could debone it. They're dropping sauce. But here they're like, and he ordered the Branzino. Sorry, guys. They're trying to put it in a little heater. Yeah, yeah. I'll get your SpaghettiOs to you in a second. Mrs. Gourmet over here wants the Branzino on a Southwest flight.

15:25It's 46 minutes. So let me debone it. It's going to take about 22 minutes to debone it. Then I got to crush some lemon on it. Oh my God. They're packing it for you to go. You're like, sir. Sir, your Branzino. Your Branzino is here. It's in your bag. And we got another one for your little cat at home. And we'll be right back.

15:49FX's American Horror Story returns for an unrivaled 13th installment. With the iconic horrors you love to fear and an all-star cast reprising fan-favorite roles. Light your candles, draw your pentagrams, and prepare for a supreme surprise. FX's American Horror Story 13. Now streaming on Hulu.

16:20Oh, joy. What a joy. What a joy. Did you mess my name up and now you're playing it off? No. No, what a joy. But actually, you must get that. All the time. I'm sure. Oh, joy to the world. We got it going. I have some good research here about you. I bet you do. Tell me a little bit about. About what? Well, first of all, actually, let's talk about your special on Netflix. Can you believe it's been number two for a week? I actually. And I'm battling TV shows. Do you even understand how hard that is? Monster is the number one TV show. It came out the same time. Well, it came out the day after my special.

16:57It has eight episodes and I'm still right behind it. I have to tell you, honestly, I think there's two people in the world. They're the people who want to watch the murder shows and people who want to watch comedy specials. Yeah. That's it. And I actually did. But it's pretty cool, though, that I'm in a list of 10 TV shows and I'm number two. That's amazing. Well, I think I'm three now because of WW Raw. Yeah. It's all right. It's what happens. Thanks. Thanks, middle America. I know. Got your spandex jumping. What's your - Kuhas. What's your backstage? What's on your rider? You're not going to believe this.

17:33I have nothing. Not one thing? No, I never understood that concept. First of all, when you have a rider, you know that comes out of your budget. So that's dumb. Yeah, but is somebody getting it for you? Don't you think that that's - Well, I have a runner, but it's like if I'm hungry, but I'm not like, okay. I'm blind. I do have a specific water I like. Which is? Aquapana. And I also want coconut water. Oh. I have to have a lot of coconut water. So that's about it. But I don't need like M &Ms and. What do you eat right before you go on stage? Nothing. Really? I like to be hungry. And then what do you eat after you get off stage?

18:07Everything. Like, what's your like dream? For me now? Yeah. I love good pasta. Like I have this infatuation with pasta right now. And I think because it's filling, the flavors are safe. Yep. Especially on the road. Yep. What do you put on it? What's your go-to sauce? I like a bone-in Branzino, which is crazy. We need to come back around to it. I'm glad. I appreciate it. I like to have a nice layer.

18:37Honestly, I just. I can't even. It's so good. I'm so funny. But I do, I love like an al dente, an al dente. Yeah. Spaghetti. Oh, got it. Yeah. Al dente spazzino on a bed of feta chi. I can't tell if you're being funny. You're real?

19:01I spent so much stress this weekend being like, I really have to work on my faces on this podcast. And all this entire episode, I'm like this. the whole show isn't it awful wait so pasta plain red white what's your sauce okay we need the details here i need the hard-hitting news this is what i like i really do like and i'm not you know what it is man i think when you're broke your whole life and you have comfort food that's cheap yeah and when you get older and you start making money your palate still remembers the stuff that gave you a hug when no one was around yeah which was sabaro yeah so when you go to like uh like these fancy like we went to we went to polo bar right i love polo bar it's delicious right it's expensive everything is amazing but you don't think like my mouth was salivating what's your order at polo i got the salmon burger last night yeah and then i got the uh Oh, my God.

20:04What is it? The arugula salad was on fire with their mustard, honey, vinaigrette, or whatever it was called. What? And then a fig? They put figs in there and some, like, crispy Parmesan? Who are you? And then there was a polo guy inside the bowl. They do it right. I ate them. Did you see anyone else famous there? uh no because whenever i go i always say don't let anyone else famous yeah that's the last time uh ralph was there oh and nelly big shout out to nelly um she was like you know ralph's a fan oh and i would stop it and let me tell you first of all i don't know how old he is i know he's in his 80s yep first of all i am a ralph fanatic well it was a big deal when we were also growing up yeah he was Americana we all remember polo cologne the green bottle and it wasn't like labels were all over the place no like he was sort of the first label he was the first luxury brand within reach yep 100 % you know but it was still crazy that you're paying 120 bucks for a rugby yeah at Nordstrom yep you're just like what is this yeah you know so I stole it you're not paying I'm not paying for that I stole it I saw a lot of them because the security was weird back then oh yeah there wasn't any yeah it was it was lame like they just they were like what are shoplifters they also didn't have those things on clothes no they didn't have clamps on clothes and or things at the doors no we sound like we are we grew up in the 20s we did though and it was easy to shoplift it was easy to take in two you come out with one yeah i did not shoplift i just would like it known that's a liar i did whenever someone has to like emphasize that they was like It was so easy to shop with.

21:52What I will say is I did work at. You stole. I do. I worked at Banana Republic. What did you take? Not one thing. I was too good. I got to go. Tell me about your. Tell me about McDonald's. So you did work at McDonald's. I did. I got fired at McDonald's. How did you get fired? I stole nuggets. I'm not joking. I stole nuggets. It's the easiest thing to steal. I don't know how they make them now. How did you. Why would you steal? Because all you had to do was drop them in a fryer back in my day. Yeah. It was a fryer. And it was a big bag of frozen nuggets. You just dumped it in the fryer. You dipped it in the fryer, which is crazy because it's the same fryer as the damn fries.

22:26But we didn't tell anybody that. That they were getting chicken fries. And I would dump these nuggets and then you stick them in the hot oven. Bro, I was in that oven every four seconds. Oh, you were just eating them on? Hell yeah. That's a fireable offense at McDonald's? I don't care. Yeah. Wait a minute. Especially when you're eating 46 a day. You can't snack on them, I guess. I would be snacking all day. Sauce is everywhere, homie. They're trying the same McNuggets. They're in the French fries. This is the 80s. They didn't care. I accidentally stuck two Filet-O-Fishes inside of a Big Mac bun.

22:59That's a lot. Can I tell you something? Yes. I did that on the road. Why not? That sounds delicious. And it was just me having a gluttonous moment. Oh, because I miss meat. I don't eat meat anymore. And we went to McDonald's because the only thing opened. and I go, you know what? I miss a Big Mac. And I also miss lettuce on a fish. Like when you get a fish there, sometimes put lettuce in, right? Yeah. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to order a meatless Big Mac and two foil fishes and I'm going to stick it in there. I'm going to have a big fish and I'm not even doing a joke right now. This is legit going to break the internet.

23:38I assure you. I legit did it. I go, can I get a Big Mac with no meat? And they make it. By the way, whenever you have a specific order, it's made fresh. I don't know if they're happy about it. You know what I mean? But it's fresh. Like, when you ask for, like, God, what's something that they – Oh, like Egg McMuffin, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No cheese or no sausage. Yeah, I'll go no sausage. And it's, like, the freshest Egg McMuffin. You know what I do with that, by the way? You know what I replace the sausage with? You put a filet of fish. I put a fish in it. No, I know. I know. No, guess what I put in the Egg McMuffin to replace the sausage?

24:12Pancakes. no that's a big griddle I don't know what hash brown oh that is good I replace the sausage with a hash I watch this everyone's gonna do it it is the most amazing breakfast you'll ever have why don't you delish a long time ago did one where we replaced the bun with hash browns two hash browns and the egg egg cheese between I like the little greasy yeah but I really like the muffin is the muffin. English muffin. English muffin is another like 80s 90s thing. Remember when Thomas's English muffins like the nooks and crannies and the butter. We had food that was different then. We had good food and what happened to styrofoam?

24:54Bring that back. Give me some of that. Put some of that in my. Remember when McDonald's had the styrofoam shell? Dude, you remember when the patty would burn a hole in the styrofoam? You were like, I'm still going to eat it. Yep. And then you poop a candle. Remember that? And then I put it on a cake. had a wicket and everything i still can't get over that you got fired from mcdonald's for stealing nuggets because i do feel like snacking would be a whole part the whole reason i would take the job you would think yeah you would think if you're working for like like something that's making billions of dollars selling play-doh yep like legit it's just toys the least thing you could let people do is take a nugget anything yeah like legit like if you go to mcdonald's like they they literally have told us the science behind mcdonald's they've already said yes this is a toy yeah it's an edible toy yeah they've said it in so many words they've had people hold their hamburgers for 20 years and it's still the same burger yes that's not right that's not okay yeah so and you're eating that except i'm also still eating it huh it's so good what is it's mcdonald's it's so good it is so good i'm just like i don't even care and like let me ask you if you were put in a mcdonald's nugget eating contest right now i know you are technically pescatarian how many do you think you could eat roughly 46 yeah i can kill them yeah and i'm not sure when i was a kid you remember when they came out with the six and then they came out with the nine yep and then they went from nine to 20 straight to 20 straight to 20 you don't think i bought 20 you have to buy 20 it doesn't make sense bro and guess who didn't share.

26:36What's your sauce? When you get nuggets, don't ever ask like if you have a friend that has nuggets, don't ask can I have one. Because you do the math bro. That leaves me, if I have nine nuggets and you ask for one, that leaves me with eight. What? No you can't have one. You can have a bite of one. It's like a ninth of my lunch. No, don't ask for one nugget. Well I'm also like 20, this is an issue I actually have though because my boys go to Buffalo Wild Wings quite a bit. I don't like that place. Really? Suddenly you're too good for Buffalo Wild Wings. I'm in a different tax bracket now. Interesting.

27:14No, I'm joking. Those wings are creepy looking. They don't have fish either. They don't have any fish. And I'm there for the Branzino. You're there for the Branzino. I've been there before. It used to be called, I swear to God, it used to be called Buffalo Branzino. Buffalo Wild Branzino know it's what i thought it was gonna be i tried to get you on that the 20 piece now is the norm like yeah 20 wings you and that does seem like a lot yeah it's pretty gross 20 20 nuggets yeah but especially buffalo all those those are too big what i don't like is they call them boneless wings which are nuggets yeah that's nuggets those are nuggets those are not wings and how'd you take the bone out well they're not boneless wings they're nuggets yeah they're just nuggets why Why do they call them bullless wings?

28:02I don't know. I don't trust it. You got a real bone to pick. That's a good one. That's a good one. You should have slowed down on that one. What? The bone to pick. Oh. The bone to pick. You should have slowed down on that one. You said that way too fast. You said it too fast. At some point, I'm going to ask you about. Let's slow down. Let's do it one more time. Okay, wait. Sorry. I got a bone to pick. Well, now you did it way too slow. This is why I'm not a comedian. Again, top five places to eat pizza in the country. Let's go. Say it. Your favorite. That's hard. I know. Okay. Well, I love Joe's, and I'm not lying.