AJ Marroquin Wants to Throw Someone

26:10I mean, it's nine o 'clock. We got to get home. We're in our 30s now. I'm like, and I've gotten trouble for this. Last time I said it on the show, I feel like people were a little mad at me, but I'm sorry. If you have a computer job, you are fine. You have an indoor computer job. You can stay out until 3 a.m. and do your job tomorrow. Your job is borderline fake. You have the energy and the time. You need to relax. And see me with a computer job. And now I'm addicted to amphetamines. And I'm out here in these streets. You're in these streets. You're in these streets. I'm pushing. No, I think what you're saying is corrected.

26:44There's this idea of like, oh, I'm so exhausted. And then you'll say something about that. They'll be like, well, what about the term I hate? The little horrors. All the horrors. Get myself a little treat. Are you mad at me? Shut the fuck up. It's like a new iteration of touch my butt and buy me tacos. Yeah. It's like, oh, God, the horrors. The horrors of your nine to five computer job. Yeah. You're fine. The horrors of like you're scrolling through like infographics and people's like, you know, thirst traps of like them. It's like, come on, I get that, whatever. But move on. Also, it's not a little treat.

27:17It's dessert. Yeah. Thank you. I'm like, I'm taking myself out on a solo date. Sorry, bitch. That's called dinner. you're not going on a solo date you're eating food yeah like a person does yeah you know stop making it so like i don't know a solo date i kind of like i can't lie to you that feels a little romantic it's a little romantic it's not romantic friday jr solo dates a little romantic i like that like oh i'm taking myself out on a date oh i'm taking us i invite this guy over to my house and it's just me at my house why are you single do you think like what what why don't you have a partner you know where's your like you're like you know i'm just i just avoid anything at all costs like i and i do want one but then when someone's like i want that too i'm like okay back up yeah whoa let's take a few steps back that's crazy to say yeah um and so i'm trying to be better about not oscillating so violently between you know i want a one night stand or i want like a long relationship it's like i want to like pick something and be intentional about it yeah i don't know i've had ops to do it and then i'll like absolutely find a way to back out of it i'm like oh you know he's posting like and this one was was a reasonable one i was talking to this guy and i found his facebook and then by found i don't mean like oh it popped up i looked for it and I was like, I need to know what's going on.

28:43And he was posting pictures of the Rugrats as adults. Wow, it's like Tommy Pickles with a briefcase. He's like, this is just what it's like. And I was like, fuck. You can never have sex with me again. And that kind of stuff, you know, just snowballed into it. And my friends were like, that's not that bad. I'm like, yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. That's really egregious. Deathly Hallows watercolor tattoo. Sorry. Sorry, I'd rather you post that you're an Al-Qaeda I'd rather you take that fucking arm off Completely at the elbow I don't want to see it But that's my story Are you dating anybody? What? Why would you ask me that?

29:27I forgot your ace No, I am Like at this point, I guess not really newly I'm out of a relationship I'm dating I'm seeing people um i don't know dating is hard it's just like kind of a hard prospect to be i like dating i think it's pretty fun but trying to find the person who look i acknowledge the same thing that poly people acknowledge that's true okay when they say like it is really hard to expect one person to be everything i understand that that's true i am still looking for it because i'm not willing to i'm not willing to outsource like yes i know it's hard to find one person who is like you mean outsource that go to the philippines no i would do that um no i just mean like when poly people are like yeah some one person shouldn't have to be your like financial partner sexual partner best friend etc i'm like unfortunately i am still searching for that yeah um and that is really hard to find so i'm just out here looking yeah do you use apps i'm on all the apps hell yeah i agree with that it's just like how it is i don't really want to be and i do i think it's romantic the idea of meeting my partner on an app no i can i do romanticize it that i'm like wow of all the people in the world that are on this app we like found each other and actually made it to the date and then continued seeing each other um but yeah the apps are just like that's how it's gonna happen i'm sure of it oh absolutely i i and i've said it before myself everyone says it they're like you know what i'm just done with the apps i'm gonna you know i have to meet my no you're not i've never said that and i'll never do it i know for a fact i know for a fact pause stop right there i've never said that i've never said that i will never do that i hate when my friends do this they're like yeah i'm just like i know it works for other people but like for me, I'm going to meet my person in the...

31:05No, you're not. They're not waiting for you at the bar. I'm sorry. That is too impossible. We're too busy. Get on the fucking apps and go meet someone. Stop it. That's true.

31:17This episode is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking.com. Where's the Booking.com? Yeah. Oh, it's down there. Booking.com offers a wide array of hotels and vacation rentals across the U.S. so you can find exactly what you're booking for. There's something for everyone, even those who are impossible to please. Whether you're booking for yourself, your partner, your picky teens, your sleep light, rise early mom, or your high maintenance group chat. You can find exactly what you're booking for. When I go on vacations with friends, something I must have is a kitchen with a nice big oven and stove top where I can cook mouthwatering meals for my friends and loved ones.

31:52People who eat together, stay together. If we can find our perfect stay on booking.com, anyone can. Find exactly what you're booking for. booking.com booking.com book today on the side or in the app. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings, professional website, grow your brand and get paid all in one place. We all can use a good website in this day and age.

32:21I tell you what, and Squarespace has so many awesome features to get yours up and running. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid. If I've said it once, I've said it literally a million times, all in one place. From consultations to events and experiences, showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. Grow your business? I don't mind if I do. Get paid on time with professional on-brand invoices and online payments, plus streamline your... Well, hold on. That can wait. Don't open that. Plus, streamline your workflow with built-in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools.

32:53Wow. Get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto-generated sitemap and more, so you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers. Head to squarespace.com slash so true for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code so true to save 10 % off your first purchase of a website or domain. Thanks, Squarespace. Folks, this episode is sponsored by TrueFru. In a world where there's hundreds, if not thousands of options, when you're looking for an exciting new snack to try, TrueFru is the wickedly talented TrueFru.

33:26True Fru is making that choice easier than ever I actually really love eating these I can't lie Yeah, Nicole gave me a little bit of truth serum Before the record I actually really love eating these My favorite flavor is probably the frozen strawberries With milk and white chocolate The wickedly talented True Fru Is made with Real fruit, real chocolate, or yogurt And you can taste the quality in each bite You keep them in the freezer to ensure they stay fresh and ready to grab when you want something sweet. True fruit is the ultimate treat that's also made from real ingredients. So it feels like a better dessert option without sacrificing taste.

34:03Sacrificing taste. A lot of guys who do podcasts know what that's about. Not this one though. They're perfect for everyday snacking in any occasion. Grab a handful of true fruit when you're watching TV, classic thing we all do, or maybe when you're winding down at the end of a long day or put them out on the kitchen table next time you're hosting friends or enemies and watch the feeding frenzy begin, I always say. Be sure to save a bag for yourself, though. Trust me, they go fast. So next time you're at the grocery store, be on the lookout for those blue bags with fruit found in the freezer aisle.

34:34Thank you, True Fruit, for sponsoring this episode.

34:40On the flip of it, though, there is a time when I'll be having the worst day, and I'm thinking about this kind of situation, and then my phone will go off. It's like, you got a message on Grindr from like someone called like a bi fart slave. Yeah. And I'm just like. Yeah. Yeah. Grindr is a really insidious place. Yeah. That will like have me thinking. I'm like, oh. I feel annoyed. Grindr is, I feel annoyed when people like try to act like uppity on Grindr. Like, like, like they're like, like when they act like they're so shocked that people are there for sex. I'm like, this is what this place is.

35:17Yeah. On the flip of it, when someone's like, I'm here to find my date. And it's like, no, you're not. No, you're not. This is not the place. Or when people are really inconsistent where their profile is just like a really hot picture of their torso and like the top of their pubes. And then their bio is like looking for real connections, no hookups. I'm like, then put a shirt on. Like stop, put a shirt on and show your face then. What are like, pick. You don't get to, stop it. Like keep the pube pick in there, but like make it pick three, pick four. Yeah, sure. I can know about your pubes. But like.

35:44I love to know about people's pubes. I think we should have a pube renaissance. More bush. Yeah? Yeah. I want bush coming out the sides. I want it coming out of places it doesn't need to be coming out of. Yeah. Wake that up. Okay. Okay. Tea. Tea, girl. Am I spilling? Am I spilling with that? Why'd you low-key spill? Why are you low-kenually spilling on the So True podcast?

36:11Did you say low-kenually? I'm low-kenually spilling right now. I'm not even going to touch that shit. I am too. That's where I will say I am too old about that. You don't know low-kenually? No, no. I just learned how to start using cracked recently. This is low. Someone was like, did you get cracked? And I was like. Like low-key, you're learning it as it's like on its way out. Low-key and genuinely. Low-kenually. Really stupid, but I actually like it. I do like, I mean, yeah, I love like an abrief. Yeah. Low-kenually, I'm digging. I'd explain to someone, what's a portmanteau the other day? A portmanteau, yes, of course.

36:44Yeah, and someone was like, what is that? And I was like, gay people do it all the time. And the only example I could think of was there was a woman on like My Strange Addiction who was addicted to collecting Santa Claus figurines. And she was like, it's like I'm living in a Santa fantasy. A Santa-see. And I was like, and that has stayed with me the whole time. Yeah, you like something like that. Lo-ken-u-en-ly. Lo-ken-u-en-ly. Okay. Feel free to use that with a young person in your life. Yeah. It's not for me. You're going to catch me a year from now being like, so? I'm lo-ken-u-en-ly feeling this.

37:15Yeah, you have to stop me. I'm not yeah nothing um I don't think anything necessarily sounds cool coming out of my mouth you know what I mean like I think I am cool but I don't think when I say something like that it sounds cool it stopped me it made me believe it yeah yeah nice it was a good segue off of me like going deep down about bushes yeah no I like your feelings on pubes I think you're very body positive thank you yeah you love all bodies I love it all it's one of the things we differ on what do you mean I don't love all bodies Which ones do you hate the most? Oh, God, fat ones.

37:51Oh, God, when I see a fat person, I'm like, yuck. I've heard you do that before. I've seen it. Hit the gymnasio, queen. It's possible. Gymnasio. It's possible.

38:05Get your fat ass on the stairmaster. Yuck. I do like all bodies. I will say sometimes when people get too muscly, that to me is like you're a bookshelf now at this point like i don't see them your furniture yeah but then um if it's a little bit like padded muscle love that yeah um outside of that yeah i like it i'm like the walmart greeter of just like do you have any idea how strong i am no it made me think of it i've never been asked that before in my entire life come on it's so far get on there give me some room hold on i'm coming i'm coming Oh my god, Caleb People don't know He's really strong People don't know I would let you feel the thighs, but I'd have to get up to really I think we're fine I think we're good How did you get so strong?

38:54I just am lucky and blessed by God In many, many facets But yeah, I'm incredibly strong I could lift almost anything

39:04I want to get that way I want to have big arms And I want to have big chi-chis You shouldn't have lost so much weight You lost a bunch of weight I did And that's what happened You don't have the girth anymore I know, and now to gain muscle you have to be able to eat food And I had weight loss surgery So you can only eat a Ferrero Rocher at a time And that's going to take me forever I know, it was really annoying to hang out with you after your weight loss surgery It still does No, you've gotten better But right after your weight loss surgery It was really annoying to get meals with you Because you'd order something to take one bite and be like Oh god, can we get out of here?

39:39I was like, God, can you undo it? Go back to Turkey and ask them to expand it. I was like really attacked. I remember specifically we ate at the Vig in Chicago. And I was like, you took like one bite of a meatball and you seriously. Okay. To be fair, it was high acid. And that does. I was really pissed. I was like, AJ, it didn't used to be like this. It is so hard to balance it. And also to it, I just like, even now I'm like, I want to just floor like a dozen dumplings. And to be only to have like, only be able to have like three of them. I'm like, this is heartbreaking. It's tough. Yeah. I have to eat those dumplings all the rest of the day.

40:11It sucks. Yeah. I did. When I got surgery, I told the guy, the guy that was doing it, Louis and Istanbul somewhere. I was like, hey, can I also like maybe do like, what if we did a fat transfer and I got like a really huge ass? And he was like, you can only do one or the other because if you lose weight, you're going to lose the ass anyway. So it just wouldn't make sense. Yeah. And I don't have an ass. I want a big ass too. Yeah. Are you squatting? No, I'm not doing anything. I got a trainer recently and he was like, what's your fitness goal? And I was like, I want to be able to throw someone so hard I kill them.

40:44Joking. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. Because I want to lighten the mood. I'm so uncomfortable at the gym. So I said that. And he, without even smiling, goes, we can get you there.

40:57Hey, listen to me. Take it seriously. We will. You will. And I was like, oh, it is possible. I love that. Is he hot? He kind of seemed hot when you imitate him. He's really hot. Yeah. Yeah. He seemed hot when you imitated him. We can get you there from a hot guy being serious. For him to skip over the fact that I want to murder someone by just shoving them against a wall and get right to the fact that he's thinking about the arms. He's thinking about the force. He's like, push-ups. That's my skill set to get someone to do that. I'm like, have you done it before? That's cool. It was hot to me. That is hot.

41:25So I'm going to try that. We'll see. I don't know. That's crazy. I had no idea you were booked like that. Yeah, I'm incredibly strong. And I love it. I love to be so strong. Yeah. I love to, I need to start lifting weights again. Because I miss feeling strong, you know? No. I miss like showing off how strong I am. Are there any drawbacks to being so strong, Caleb?

41:50I mean, genuinely. What's the downside of that? Yeah, well, it's like, it's a giant responsibility. Like, I could literally hurt you. Or anyone in this room. Like, if Nicole, like, if Nicole stepped to me right now, and like, she was literally just trying to like, tidy the carpet or something. Right? she's trying to like move the cords around. If she stepped to me in a way that accidentally felt aggressive, if Nicole took two steps towards me in an aggressive way, I might accidentally take her to the ground like that. And she would get extremely hurt because she's so small and I'm incredibly strong.

42:18Nicole, come take two aggressive steps towards me right now. Get over here, Nicole. No, I don't want you to have to get hurt.

42:28All men in the room. And you're like, I'm going to put Nicole on the wall to Jericho. If Nicole, I'm going to pile drive her into the ground. I could hurt you in chance as well, but I'm just, the biggest case is like, the biggest

42:42threat in the room right now is to Nicole because she's small. Yeah. And also, if she stepped towards me in an aggressive way, I fear that I would react. Yeah. And I don't even know what that gesture is. Is that her? You're bending her spine back. She's stepping to me aggressively to fix the cord. I'm grabbing her. I'm grabbing her. This is on the shoulder. Yeah. This is on the side of her head. Yeah. And I'm taking her down there. Down to the ground. I'm putting her down there and she would get extremely hurt due to the force of my muscles. Yeah. So that's probably what you would say the downside is.

43:17So it's a drawback. Because I don't want to hurt Nicole. I don't want to hurt Nicole. She's a sweet girl. She makes the show happen. Yeah. But I would put her down. It's the testosterone going through your body. I have a lot of testosterone. And I'm big and strong. And Nicole so small and if you ever step towards me aggressively, people should just know this. If you even step towards me in a way that could be misconstrued, I would put you down. Doesn't matter what age, what protected traits you are. I don't care what your identity is. I would put a non-binary person through the wall if they stepped to me in the wrong way.

43:53The elderly, the infirm. Do you like old people? Old people? Oh, I love them. What do you mean? Oh, I love them. Like. What do you mean? What do I mean? What do you mean love them? I love old people. Yeah, I know. I heard you. I think they're a fascinating cohort. Would I put them through the wall if they step towards me? Oh, yeah. Or like hook up with them. If an old person. If an old. If an old person step towards me aggressively, I fear that I would hurt them. Yeah. I don't want to. That's just when you're this strong. Like that's the risk you run. Yeah. You know, I would need to. That'd be so sad to see.

44:27If I hurt an old person. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I hate it. I saw an old woman fall in the ice the other day and I no, that's horrible. I pulled my phone out.

44:41Set it up. I watched her slide. She just slides. Recorded myself going over there to help her. No, I had to obviously keep it.

44:52Did you actually see an old lady fall? I did. I did. Dude, one time I was walking with a friend through Brooklyn and this woman, she was... It's not funny. She was my sister and I love her. But this woman came like barreling around the corner. She must have been in like her 40s. She came barreling around the corner. And when I tell you, she came barreling around the corner. And she's not old, so you don't feel as bad. But she comes barreling around the corner. She like slips on a newspaper or something. And she like flies through the air, falls, hits the ground, rolls. hits her head on a city trash can and then she's like and I go over and I'm like I go over and I'm like oh my god are you okay I'm so that's so scary I'm so sorry I'm like helping her up she's bleeding she's bleeding she like scraped her hand really bad her hair's all fucked up and she's like I'm good I'm good and I was like come here let's go get you some water and a band-aid or something she's like no I'm good I'm good you sweet soul I'm good I'm good called me a sweet soul which was nice yeah that's really nice actually I was like let me get you some band-aids or something I was like, are you okay?

45:57Can I call you an Uber or something? Like, where do you need to go? And she was like, I'm good, I'm good. And then she limped away bleeding. And I never saw her again, but I spent the rest of the evening thinking about her. That sucks. I'm sorry that she did that to you. I know. I hate that it happened to me. She ruined my evening. She fucked your evening up. When she hit that trash can, I was like, girl. Oh, my God. I mean, she truly was running around the corner, slipped on a newspaper, flew through the air, banged her head on the trash can. Well, at least you tried to help her. I saw that old woman fall and I know exactly what it would look like trying to help someone you know when people are already helping I want to go over there and just be like oh my god someone was already helping her I'm not even bending my knees how old was she how old was the woman I don't care

46:47old enough to visibly be like that's an old person old people fall a certain way they kind of crumble They don't like fall like they fall fully flat back. You know, there's no because like they're not limber and loose. Yeah. It's just fully flat. And that's how I could tell. That's why you have to do yoga. I know. You have to do yoga. You have to be doing yoga. I'm doing yoga three or four times a day. Really? Right. Are you doing it right now? Oh, yeah. This is yoga. I will be limber. Yeah. At an old age. When I fall, it will be beautiful. You're going to fall into the splits. Yes. And pull yourself back up.

47:23No, really. do you think she broke anything or was hurt? Probably. I think so. I'm serious. You didn't go over there? There was three people already over there. If I go over there, people are going to know I'm faking out. People know. My heart wasn't in it. If it happened closer, if I was first on the scene, it would be different. I'm crossing the street to three other people. What am I going to do? Kind of hold my arms like this? My heart wasn't in it. Like, there was nothing to do. Someone's already on the phone calling. Someone's already holding her. What am I going to do? Offer holding her.

48:05Someone's scooping the fragments of her skull back together. Someone's already on the phone calling. Someone's holding her. Where do I fit in? Yeah. And my bus is like, it's coming. There's a bus coming. I don't want to miss my bus. It's 10 minutes. Wait. Well, two wrongs don't make a right. If I miss my bus and she fell down, nothing got better. It's a lose-lose. Someone should be winning out of here and it should be me. Yeah. Anyway, sorry to her. Sorry to her family. RIP to the diva. To the diva. RIP to a doll. Yeah. Locanually loved her down. Locanually, we lost a doll. We lost, yeah. We did not protect the dolls.

48:39No. God needed an angel that day. A really old angel. And he needed it in a bad way. That kind of was really sad to see. Oh, AJ, that's horrible. I know. That's horrible. I know. I'm starving right now. I know, I'm so hungry. We have sushi on the way, but it can't come as quick enough. No. I'm just hungry as can be. I know. Hungry, hungry caterpillar. I can eat a leaf right now. Yeah, you have to bulk up. It's the strength. It's the muscles. You have to beat the shit out of Nicole after this. Nicole, Nicole, Nicole's bringing the sushi over. Put her on the ground. I believe if that tuna bowl comes at me in an aggressive way.

49:16If she were to step at me with the tuna bowl in a way that I wasn't clear on what was happening, I would hurt her and I would never want to hurt Nicole She's a sweet girl Oh yeah Did you win? Oh yeah She was quite a bit older She was quite a bit older But she stepped towards me in an aggressive manner And I put her to the ground Yeah I didn't know that about you This is all fresh to me What else do you want to know? Ask me anything Why don't you ask me something for once I'm tired of interviewing you. I just asked you if you fought someone. You said, yeah, aggressive steps, push to the ground.

49:54You hit another woman. We got that. What's your middle name? Jarek. Yeah. Austin. Austin Jarek. Andrew Jarek. Austin Jarek. Merican. Merican. Oh, my God. Yeah. Austin Jarek Merican. Yep. The all-American. Madokin. Yeah. Madokin. Yeah. Sometimes people say my last name. They say it like with a flourish. They're like, Madokin. And I'm like, why are you saying it like that? Yeah, that's tough. Like show hosts. Like you have like castanets no one can see. Just say it normal. Yeah. Well, they're trying to be respectful of your culture. What's your middle name? Daniel. Okay. Caleb Daniel. That's a hot name.

50:29Caleb means bold.

50:34You want to get the other one? You're going to get the other one for good measure. You cower. Caleb means bold. Daniel means my grandpa. Uh-huh. My grandpa's name? My grandpa. Bold grandpa. Caleb Daniel. I don't know what Andrew or Jarek means It's not my business Jarek is extremely white guy from Kansas business It is I don't know what your mom was thinking Well she's a white woman from Kansas So it was probably on track But your dad didn't get involved? I think he had some say I think he was like oh well yeah He had some say about Andrew His middle name is Andrew But is that anything? Who cares?

51:12Your dad is so gay My dad is not gay my dad just appreciates the finer things he does he's like it's such it's so funny to see him like be like so like I would have friends come over and he'd be like Orlando have you ever had a friend whose dad has shoes imported from Italy let me show you this closet he like shows off his shoes have you ever seen a guy who has 11 Rolexes and pulls out like 11 Rolexes he's just a very like kind of like Guido Scarface-y type of guy yeah that's cute that's adorable I posted a picture on my story the other day picking up his shirt from the cleaners and it was just a silk Scarface shirt and all the buttons on it were guns.

51:53Like just chrome guns. And the lady at the cleaners handed it to me and I was like, it was heavy because of the gun buttons. And I'm like, that's something that he likes to wear. Hey, he likes that shirt. I don't know, let's clean it up. That's really sweet. How often are you back in Kansas? Like once a year. What about you? You have a house. You tried getting me to get a house in Kansas City and you're hardly ever there. I still think you should. It's not about me being there. It's a great investment. I want you to put down roots. I'm tired of seeing you on the run. I think, I'm glad that, I will say I'm very, very glad that you've put down some roots in New York.

52:23It's making me very happy. AJ, I'm serious. When you told me you were getting a place, because what the listeners might not know is that for a number of years you had no home. You were, you were bouncing around the world. Every time I checked in with you, you'd be doing a new, and it's very fabulous and chic, but I worried about your heart and soul. And when I found out you were getting a lease in New York. I'm not kidding. When you told me that later on that day, I just sat like this and went, that makes me so happy. I just like to see you have some stability. Yuck. Because I worry about you.

52:51Yeah. You were happy when I was no longer unhoused, as you were saying. Yeah, I don't like you being a runabout and a vagrant. Yeah. And I always felt that from you. Yeah. I'm glad to be here, too. I love being in New York. What's your favorite thing about New York City? Everyone here is really hot, even when they don't need to be. I know we keep coming back to this i'm always just like everyone's hot but they are like every single person like the ugliest person is like even still they could get it because they're in new york they're in new york yeah and then um what else also everything is hot in new york food here is so good the food is amazing yeah but everything is hot in new york because about people because it's like if you're dressed really fashionably and uncomfortable looking that's incredibly difficult to do like i know you probably walk two miles in those shoes so i'm like that's hot or if you're wearing like when a really hot guy in New York wears jeans and running shoes, like really practical, I'm like, oh my God.

53:43I need you so bad. Like I love, I just, everything is hot in New York. I don't know why. It really is. I, yeah, I can't get enough of it so far. And again, going back to food, I am just fucking it up. Yeah. I mean, you know what I mean? Two, three bites a day. Two, three bites. Oh man, you're putting away one, two spoonfuls of something. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they're good. Yeah. And they're good spoonfuls. Yeah. And you're just feeling as full as you've ever felt. How long are you going to be staying in New York? New York? Yeah. What do you mean? You can be here for a while? Like this trip?

54:10Just in general. Like how long will I have at least a place here? You move around quite a bit too. I move around. Not in an unhoused way. But I'm not running from anything and you know that. Yeah. What are you running towards, Caleb? What am I running towards? Happiness, joy, excitement, bigger muscles. Good meals, time with friends, seeing the world.

54:34Concerts, essay books. I love an essay book. Oh, yeah, you're a reader. I'm a reader. What are you into right now? You know what? I've become way more of a reader in the last, like, three years. There was a period there in my adult life where I really was not reading, and it's a humiliating dark chapter in my life. A chapter? A chapter. You are reading. Yeah, cover to cover, baby. Are you, like, a nonfiction person? Are you doing, like, the fairy sex book stuff, fantasy stuff? Never. Unfortunately, I can't access whatever those people are accessing. It is crazy. I'm reading, yeah, I'm reading mostly nonfiction.

55:05Right now I'm reading Work Won't Love You Back. It's a book about the origins of work and labor and who gets paid for what and why. It's pretty good. It's a little dense. That's above my level. There's a book called All Things Are Too Small that I loved last year. It's a really good essay book on maximalism and minimalism. I just finished another David Sedaris book. I love him. He only annoys me half the time. See, that's good. David Sedaris. Half the time I think he's brilliant and half the time I find him so annoying. And I say that with like deep gay guy reverence. Yeah. Like David Sedaris to me is an icon.

55:40Yeah. And sometimes he'll do like a little bit of like a conservative older gay guy thing where he's like, I don't want to be queer. I just want to be gay. And it's like, shut up. But then he'll describe an interaction at the supermarket that I'm like, you're one of our most brilliant minds. Yeah, absolutely. I think that's also important to have with anybody. You want to be kind of like half annoyed with them. I like problematic figures. I like, I love, part of the reason I loved Lena Dunham is because she was always saying something she had no business saying. Oh, yeah. And I think that's amazing.

56:06That's what our public figures are supposed to be. I love Lenapeh. I don't do enough of it. I play it too safe. If anything, I need to push more into that territory. Oh. I don't know. Yeah? No, I think you do a good job of it. Okay. Yeah, you're someone's half-annoying gay guy, I'm sure. Oh, I'm most people's half-annoying gay guy. That's what kind of bothers me sometimes when people think I don't know that I'm annoying. You think I don't know? Oh, you know. I know. You know how to turn on. You know how to direct it. I like it. That's good. I like to be a little annoying. You know what I don't do?

56:36And I wonder if you, how often you think you do this? Because you and I have a similar skill. You and I both have the absolute power to undo somebody. Like, I feel like we could both see someone, meet someone, and figure out exactly what would, like, bring them apart. Like, how to insult them to their core. Yeah. And I do not use it. No. It's always there, though. It's there. And I know I can do it because I've done it in extreme circumstances when I've been cornered like a rat and needed to chew my way out. But the skill is there. Do you remember the last time you used it? Probably accidentally after like a fourth martini like two weeks ago.

57:12Nice. Yeah. That's when it starts unlocking for me. I'm like, oh, I could be so mean right now. Or also like someone like elbow checks me. At that point, I get like really heated. Yeah. Or on the road, terrible road rage. Yeah. I get so mad when I drive. I want everyone to die. I get mad walking a lot. Yeah. It's a pretty clear system. Yeah. That people cannot figure out. Oh, yeah. There's traffic lanes. Yes. Also, walk with purpose. If you need to do this, pull over, bitch. Oh, my God. Find a fucking outlet. The stairs up to the train. Someone starts rearranging their bag mid-step. I'll kill us both.

57:44I'll take us both down the staircase. I'm grabbing them. I'm putting them down. I'm dead-legging them right there. I get so mad. Someone starts rearranging their bag. You jump up and grab them and just fall backwards. Yeah. I'm ready to go. I'm ready. It pisses me off to no end. I don't like it. People have got to learn how to walk. Yeah. Or God forbid you're walking, someone steps out. This is one of my biggest pet peeves in New York. Any major city. When you are stepping out of a building onto a busy street that has two lanes of traffic, the right side is for walking that way and the left that way.

58:15When you are stepping out into a traffic lane, you need to immediately match the pace of the people walking or you need to step out and step off. People who walk out of a store and just kind of start looking around. Kill yourself. Check that phone before you leave the fucking restaurant. I cannot stand it figure out the direction you're going before you step outside people having that like I love this city moment great do it fucking elsewhere it's pissing me off get away from here I love that we think about it as traffic I can visualize myself like I'm in a mini vehicle I'm merging into this walking lane and I hate too when people take up too much spots on the sidewalk and you have to kind of do that thing I have to start doing a half jog to get around them Oh, when a group of friends is like five abreast on a sidewalk having their fucking girls moment, Shoshana and Marnie need to fucking line up.

59:04Pull them behind you. Take it out. Stop. You can't walk four abreast on a public sidewalk. Move into line and start, you know. But then I understand that there's no my life. There's just capital L life, and I'm just a player in it. It's helpful to talk these things through. Look, you reach like a new solution. No, this is what it is, though. I get so frustrated by things and then I get frustrated for like a minute and 15 seconds and then I go that doesn't matter and it's not you're not the king. Yeah. You know? If I were king of the world all water would be Dr. Pepper but I'm not. Oh my god. Yes.

59:38And we need that. There wouldn't be water. There would not be water. I'd just be Dr. Pepper. I fucking hate water. This is all ever clear. Oh wait. Is water a sponsor of the show? I love water. It's so good Like the compound of water Sponsors the show No water's good it's fine Yeah it's important Should it be darker Should it be carbonated Should it have sugar for sure Of course it should AJ what's so true to you Oh god yeah Oh my fucking god you didn't prepare I did So true to me I would say I think that people should be really generous With their close friend stories In terms of who they allow on their close friends Specifically me No why I can be more detailed than that No I like that I was just going along Okay do you agree No what do you mean What do you mean that you should just be on everyone's close friend story I think a lot of people should add me their close friend story Yeah With the caveat of this And the other part of this is so true Don't use your close friend story to post shit that is like, I don't know.

1:00:52Make it juicy. Make it good. Show your butthole a little bit. I do this. You do a great job. My close friends is not interesting. You don't have to lie. It is. It is industry. It is interesting. No, it's like very like, you get a little bit of insight into who you are. But like, I have people who will put me on close friends like, hey, the stuff that's going on, you know, in the news right now kind of sucks. Girl, shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Like, show me that V. Also, why couldn't that be posted on main? Exactly. I get annoyed when people post things on Close that so clearly belongs to Maine.

1:01:21They'll post something like that, that they're like, everything's crazy right now. Hope we're all doing well. I'm like, you can post that to Maine. What do you have going on that that can't be on Maine? Also, just get a therapist. Don't do that here with me. Give me some juicy gossip, a picture that is really inappropriate, or yeah, that's really it. AJ, if you want to look up porn, you're totally allowed to. I'm seeing porn every day, whether I like it or not. I'm a gay man on Twitter. Yeah. You're on Twitter? On X. You're on X? I love it. Really? I love it. I'm watching. I'm just seeing everyone's discourse about stupid shit.

1:01:55It's so funny. You might be the only person I know who's on X. I'm on Snapchat. Are you? I am on Snapchat. You're on Snapchat? Yeah, me diverting from X. There's something worse. I am on Snapchat. I didn't know that about you. Yeah, it's so good. And the little story highlights, this woman paid$11 million to look like a polar bear. And I watched that shit down. I have to tap through it for like almost half an hour I can't believe you're on X and Snapchat I am, I'm on Truth Social I'm on Blue Sky I'm posting, I'm an influencer on Blue Sky But yeah, that's what I feel about Close Friends It's something juicy I agree, sometimes gay guy close friends is so difficult Because it's like, gay guy close friends Is two things Gay guy close friends is either nudes And it's sometimes nudes you want to see and sometimes nudes you don't Sometimes you get added to a gay guy close friends that you're like whoa, I've never seen you naked before and now I have and am I supposed to be wanting to fuck you?

1:02:48Like, what is the idea? Yeah, that's actually exciting. Then another thing I've noticed about Gay Guy Close Friends is that they're like criticizing pop albums. Stop. It's like you can criticize that pop album on Main. They're like, they're being like, ooh, not her best work. And it's like, you're not, just post that on Main. That doesn't need to be on Close. They're like, oh, she thought she shit in the mother toilet and didn't wash her hands and she did it. And it's like, you can say that literally anywhere. Yeah, you don't have to say that at all. And also, the fact that you thought that I wanted to be included in that with you could not be more wrong.

1:03:17Gay Guy Close Friends is a very nefarious space. But when someone has to delete this GIF and it's over them showing Wiener Neck, I'm like, yeah, I'm here for that. Yeah, for sure. Let me stick around. Did you say Wiener Neck? Wiener Neck. Like the base of the wiener. Right. Are they a sponsor of the show? Water and Wiener Neck. Water and Wiener Neck. Wiener Neck really upset me, and I'm not kidding. I saw it in your face. I don't know why you said that. It really upset me. You know what I'm talking about? The shoulder. I don't know why you put wiener neck. All right. Are you ready? Yeah. I'm going to read you 15 statements.

1:03:48You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false. No. If you get 10 or more correct, AJ, we're going to give you 50 US dollars. Really? From water. Oh, fuck. Water is sponsoring the segment. Okay. You ready? We are open, by the way. I just want to tell any sponsors listening. We are open to selling this segment for a lot of money. If anyone wants to sponsor this segment, go ahead and reach out to Wave. Thank you. You ready? Let's do it. Gwyneth Paltrow is an only child. Yes. False. One brother. The band The Who was formed in Australia. Yes. False. England. Garden City, Kansas has sister cities in Italy and Costa Rica.

1:04:20Yes. True. Florida is the closest U.S. state to Africa. True. False. It's Maine. Bats are the only mammals that can fly. True. True. An RPO in football stands for run-powered offense. Yes. False. Run-pass option. Mad TV ran for 15 seasons. False. True. True. Zero is an even number. No. True. Google was originally called Backrub. Google was originally called Backrub. Backrub? False. True. Lightning never strikes the same place twice. False. False. Charlie XCX's middle name is Emma. True. True. A standard game of bowling consists of 12 frames. False. It's 10. Subway is older than Jersey Mike's. subway is older than jersey mike true false snakes have eyelids false false dwight d eisenhower was born in kansas true false born in texas raised in kansas how do you do a strong six is that like the worst we've had in a really long time so crazy asking about zero being an even number that actually pissed me off that's the one that got you that really made me upset and also the one that I got right was Charlie's middle name being Emma.

1:05:37Which would be the middle name. Yeah, Charlie Emma XCX. Yeah. Yeah. I hated that. I don't write the questions. Who does? Nicole. To the ground, Nicole. No, it's Chance. Chance does it. I just didn't want you to have to fight a man. Well, if you're not going to fight one. No, I would never fight a man. I have so much respect for men. Women, on the other hand. I know. You know, your misogyny is pretty pronounced. Why do you have such a problem with women? I love women. Oh. Oh. Yeah, don't put that on me. Oh, fuck. I was actually thinking today, I don't listen to any music by men whatsoever. You're a pick me.

1:06:12I know.

1:06:17Drake. How? Oh. I know. I know. Stop. I listen to a lot of Eminem. Not kidding. All right. Lately especially, I've been listening to a lot of Eminem. Yeah, we can tell by how you talked about throwing Nicole to the ground. If she stepped towards me aggressively. I know. And I didn't know. If I didn't see the sushi, I would put her to the ground. Nicole has been watching me do this every time like this.

1:06:46She has one finger over her mouth just smiling. I listen to Eminem and no one blinks. She doesn't think I'll put her on the ground. Do you want to tell people where they can find you? Yeah. No longer on the streets. I'm in an apartment now. You can find me on Instagram at AJ Deluxe. I love you. I love you so much. Thanks for doing it, honey. I'm going to get the other arm just to be safe. Get me in there. It's Christ. We'll get the thighs off camera. But you need to know about the thighs. Have you guys felt my muscles? Yes. Nicole, do you want to grab my thigh later? Don't do it, Nicole. It's a trick.

1:07:18Actually, am I allowed to talk like this? This is Nicole's exhibit A. This could be in a courtroom someday. All right, we did it. Y 'all, the only thing better than spilling some tea diva is sipping on a delicious flavored tea from palm teas palm wonderful antioxidant super teas provide a unique refreshing flavor honey available in five delicious varieties girl peach passion elderberry orange blossom honey green tea and lemonade powered by the antioxidant goodness of pomegranate juice and a bright blend of gently fruit teas, diva. Each taste is like a delicious sip of sunshine, diva. Palm tea is perfect on its own.

1:08:01On the go, we're adding cocktails and mocktails. From honey green tea with floral rose notes to orange blossom white tea and peach passion, each flavor offers a more premium fruit forward. Fruit forward? Sounds like my Saturday night. Taste and experience, then, traditional bottled teas. To find delicious recipes and even more about the antioxidant goodness of Palm Wonderful, please go to palmwonderful.com. Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light, and slowly the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress, a hoodie slips beneath a blazer, an old cap finds a new scarf.

1:08:41Because you don't simply step into the season, you create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall. Find Fall Your Way at Ross.

1:09:20Avatar Fire and Ash. Now streaming on Disney+. Rated PG-13.