Asher Perlman Drinks Salt Everyday

24:07How has the podcast been for you? Do you fear the things you're saying on there, or do you feel like you guys keep it in safe zone? I mean I fear most things I say most of the time Really? Which it actually makes it very ironic to have a podcast Or to do this Yeah But um That's the podcast That's for you Yeah Um But uh Yeah I definitely I feel like Like anything The more I do it The less any individual thing feels important Like this is true of all creative Projects Like, you know, the first that you do it once and you're like, wow, I really, this has to be perfect. I want to. And then by the hundredth time, you're like, it's pretty good.

24:49You know, like, I'm good. Like, it's okay. Yeah. Just put it out. Yeah. But I think like the first couple episodes, I was like, God, I think we should lift this out. Let's cut this, whatever. And then Michael Cruz Kane, who I hosted with, he's much more cool and confident. Yeah. And he'll be like, you're fine. Yeah. And actually, that's a huge gift, I think. I think everyone needs a Michael Cruz Kane in their life to say, like, it's fine. Yeah? Yeah. He makes you feel, but you believe it when he says it. He makes you feel like it's actually fine? No, I feel very dismissed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

25:20He's a bad guy. He's not listening to me at all. No, he's a bad guy. And I call my mom. Yeah. Rachel! No, no, I think he's right. Like, even when he says it, I'm like, obviously you're right. Obviously I don't need to worry about that. So it's good. Do you worry a lot in general? Do you think of yourself as a person who worries? Yeah. Really? What's the biggest one? Be honest. Be honest? Yeah. What's your biggest worry? Do you roll? Okay. This is a good one. I like this one. Why? Have you thought? Because everyone should be thinking about it. I have been saying recently, I've encountered a number of people recently that I'm certain they haven't considered they're going to die.

25:54This is so, okay. This is. They're being so fucking annoying and myopic and, and like truly like pissing me off in a way that I'm like, you've never considered that you're going to die. You're being so annoying about this thing. Do you know what I'm saying? I absolutely. I mean, this is, I thought about this. obviously a lot. I think about, I mean, I'm not exaggerating 40 times a day. Really? But I think that if death weren't a thing and it became a thing, it would be an emergency. Yeah. It would be a global emergency. If we're like, Hey, you guys, you know how generally things just keep going and like, we've all been around forever.

26:29Tom doesn't do that anymore. He's gone. He's gone. And now he's rotting. Yeah. That would be like every single politician in the world would be like this is all hands on deck we're trying to figure out how to stop this thing we don't fully get it yet but just because we're all used to it we don't think about it i think a lot of people have have successfully distracted themselves to the point where they don't think about it at all and i think that's way worse than thinking about it yeah i i could see it going both ways because there is sort of a a beauty in like if worrying about it is impacting your ability to enjoy life then maybe not thinking about it could be make you happier ultimately i don't know maybe but maybe it would be a more shallow happiness like maybe there's more depth to a life where you're considering the end i don't know does worrying about it affect your ability to be happy it definitely has yeah like sleepless nights that kind of thing so that's not useful that's not good no no that's not helpful yeah so what are you doing what do you what do you what is the what What is the fear?

27:34Do you think absolutely panicking? Wait, wait, wait, what am I doing? What are you doing about it? And also what do you, what is the fear? The fear is that I'm going to die. I mean, I'll call, I call poison control all the time. No, you do not all the time. I could, I could call and say it's me and they would know who that was. What are you consuming? That is, I called, I called poison control when I ate too many Tums and they were like, it's fine. I'm sure. If I take like Tylenol and then a prescription medication and I'm not sure if that would interact or something i'll call it's mostly prescription based prescription based yeah although i think one time my wife and i were at an airbnb with a hot tub and i i was like i think i swallowed some of the chlorine because i had like a little chlorine thing that was like occasionally lifting and releasing more do you know what i'm talking about yeah and i and i i just happened to open my mouth at the same time that the thing like like that this little chlorine first.

28:30You were just like this. You're joking, but that is kind of... And I was like, well, obviously, like, the amount of chlorine in the water is fine, but that concentrated amount wasn't. So I called poison control, and they were like, you're fine. Yeah. And your wife was like, you're ruining vacation, please. She's very tolerant. Really? She's very tolerant. I love her. God bless her. Also, Chance, blur where I made that mouth thing towards the camera. People can't have that. People can't have that. I looked into the camera and opened up my mouth. You need to blur my face, or else they're going to have a hay day.

28:59And Chance, make this bigger. Just like magnify it. You didn't open as wide as I did. I did it? No, I like really, I like looked up too. I looked up. I don't even know. I might have been making like cute little doe eyes. They're going to go crazy with that. It was. I didn't like have a reaction. Ew, Chance, what? What kind of reaction? Yuck. Chance and I have never had a gay moment. Nope, never. Just so you know. We've been friends since we were 17 years old, and we've never had a gay moment even once, which is how I know he's really straight. Wow. You met in high school then? 17 freshman year of college 17 i guess we were 18 huh yeah something like that yeah well i'm fact checking this you said 17 i guess we would have been 18 we met like first semester of freshman year of college that's beautiful i love those friendships it's gorgeous well it's been tumultuous and mostly negative and unproductive sure our relationship but um fun at times yeah that's great yeah agreed thought chance would do a bit or something but i guess we'll just sit with Well, you know, you kind of covered it, but...

30:01But I could talk about you too. I operate on kind of a speak when spoken to situation. It's for the best. I do that too. It's for the best. I like, yeah, a chance having a microphone is a big responsibility that we trust him with, but it can get scary quick. Have you always had a microphone? No. No. For a while, I just had to scream. But in my defense, he loves screaming. It's like one of his big things. That's fun. He's a total screamer. But no, we've never had a gay moment. I suspect that if we were ever going to, we would have by now. Was there a time when you thought maybe this will be the moment?

30:33No, never Chance and I. Even though Chance has a way gayer personality than me, I always knew he wasn't gay. Do you know what I mean? Even when he was doing his little musicals and stuff in college and he was like, it's really important to me that you come. Like, really gay thing to say. Even then I knew he was straight. I was like, he just gives a very straight vibe. It emanates out of him. His straightness would come out in a thumbnail as well. Really? Out from the eyes? From everywhere, really. It seeps. It seeps out from him. It's a bit of a tragedy because he was meant to be a gay guy. He loves musical theater.

31:07He's very sensitive. Very gay stuff about him. But I'm a zero on the Kinsey scale. No, you're not. I took the test. I'm a zero. Really? I thought the whole thing was that no one's a zero, right? No, the whole thing is that it's a scale, I think. I think you can technically be a zero. Oh, because zero is dead middle? Wait, no. What is zero on the scale? Zero is like you're completely straight. You've never even had a gay thought would never. Oh, that's interesting. I think is the idea of it. I always thought. It's not real. Oh, it's not real. Chance, who is your male celebrity crush? Oh, fuck. Man, I...

31:45It changes. That's probably not good for my argument. Just pick one. Hugh Jackman is up there for me. That is a very not zero on the Kinsey scale answer. Anna is holding herself back from having the biggest laugh of her life right now. Hugh Jackman? Yeah, he's handsome. Yeah, that's one of the gayest answers I've ever heard. I saw Hugh Jackman in a play at the Audible Theater. Did you see this play? No. I forget what it was called. They did three plays in, like, in... It was like... And all the actors were all the same. Yeah. It was one of those. And he was so strong. Because sometimes when you see someone in a movie, you're like, sure, but they were doing push-ups right before the take.

32:26You know what I mean? Yeah. And Hugh Jackman on stage, I was like, oh, no, he is Wolverine. Like, right now he's Wolverine, and he's playing a professor. Whoa. A college professor. That's really crazy. Yeah. Were you turned on? No, I was just impressed. Were you out on the Kinsey's game? What? Were you out on the Kinsey's game? I heard it was fake. I want to know, though. Where would you think you'd be? I don't. Well, I mean, it's zero to six. Six is, like, the gayest you could possibly be, and zero is you're dead. zero is your in my opinion RIP chance oh one nice I'm not dead nice that's beautiful have you ever had a gay experience?

33:06well you know look I've had straight experiences how'd it go? oh my goodness I I did not like it did not like it I did not like it right away you did not like it or like upon reflection? No, it was really kind of refracted back to me by other people when I would talk about it. Because I was like, I got hard and everything. So I was like, I must be into it. But then I was like, no, that's just someone touching you. Like, I really, I look back and I'm like, I really did not enjoy that. I was not interested in it at all. And that emotional experience is more important than the physiological response.

33:41Because I think the physiological response is not a good indicator. No, physiological response could happen. Yeah, you can get hard over anything. Yeah, I'm hard right now. So is Chance. It's crazy. Ever since I did that mouth gesture at the camera that we're going to blur, Chance has had a raging boner. It's crazy. No, everyone who works for me is straight. It's a huge embarrassment and shame of mine. Is that true? 100 %? No, well, Anna's bi, but she's new. Usually when I say that, Anna hasn't been in the room. Who's your favorite gay person? My favorite gay person? Yeah, can't say me. Can't say you?

34:11I can't pick. You know I can't pick. Come on. I'm begging you. You know I can't pick. I'm begging you to tell me your favorite gay person. No, let me tell you some of my favorite gay people. How about that? Oh, my God. Okay. Aaron Jackson and I used to do a two-person improv show. I love Aaron Jackson. Aaron. Friend of the pod. I love Aaron Jackson. Okay, who else you got in there? You got Aaron. You want me to do a full list? I want to know. I want to get the scope of your favorite days. Here's why I can't do a list. Okay. Because I know I'm going to leave people off. That's scary. That's horrifying.

34:41I'm going to leave someone off very obvious. Yeah. And it's probably like someone who listens to this podcast. Right. Well, they do. So I can't do it. They do. If they're gay. They better be listening. To be gay and not listen to this podcast is like, you're against the community. Yeah. You're like rooting on our downfall. So I can't do that. Okay, don't list your favorite gay people. I thought it would be really nice to know. I would just like to know that about you, but maybe we could talk about it off camera. I can list. I feel so much pressure. Well, Josh Sharp right there. Well, Josh is the most obvious next answer.

35:13That's a quick jump from Aaron Jackson, Josh Sharp. Yeah, if we're going proximity. Yeah, love Josh Sharp. Josh has been on this show. Josh has been on, but not Aaron. Yeah. Not together either. Well, do you know what happened? No. I'll actually tell you about this. Josh and I became fast friends because we met and we kind of fell in love and became buddies. And then Aaron, I wanted to fall in love with, but we just never could meet. We were always missing each other. And finally, I met Aaron exactly where I was always going to meet Aaron, which is on Fire Island. Beautiful. And that was always how it was going to happen.

35:44And we swam together and we had grilled meats together. and now we have a beautiful friendship that's developing quite rapidly. Have you been to P-Town? Of course I've been to P-Town. Because I feel, because I had, I was talking to Ryan Jones, another one of my favorite gay people. Okay. And he said that, I think he said, I'm not going to Fire Island this year, we're going to P-Town. I feel like he phrased it as an either or. Yeah, oh yeah, you have to choose. But then I think he might have ended up going to Fire Island also. He probably went to both. But he said P-Town's kind of the town version of Fire Island.

36:17P-Town's more of a town. P-Town's more beer friendly. What if P-Town was more of a beach? More of a beach. P-Town beach. Fire Island's more of a town. Fire Island's kind of a city if you think about it. It's huge. Metropolis. I had sex in a bathroom in P-Town once. Really? Yeah, it was pretty awesome. How did it happen? I was touring and I had two nights in Boston and a guy that I was seeing was in P-Town and he was like, you should come out and say hi to all my friends and I was like, of course. And I went out and we, he was in a house of like 12 people so I was like we're gonna fuck at the house and then we were at this bar and I was like I kinda gotta go back to Boston and do this show soon and then we hooked up in the bathroom and it was great well bathroom to me feel I don't know if I could get there really?

37:01I think in a because I would just be too I would be too well worried about worried about death clearly

37:10I've been thinking about death the whole fucking time I've been thinking about the entire time

37:16You know those pieces in your closet that you find yourself wearing on repeat? The sweater that goes with everything, perfect pair of pants, or the tee you somehow always reach for first. Those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy. That's what Quince does best. Quince focuses on high-quality wardrobe staples made with premium materials like 100 % Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and merino wool. The styles are timeless. versatile and designed to become the dependable pieces you reach for day after day. Quince also makes premium pants, fitted tees and polos and breathable activewear, quality basics designed to work across your wardrobe and hold up to everyday wear.

38:02Everything at Quince is priced 50 to 80 % less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen, so you're paying for high quality and not brand markup. and they don't just do clothing. Quince offers high-quality bedding and bath essentials as well as other products to use around the house or while traveling. Shoot, we picked up some blankets from Quince for the studio here at SoTrue, and they're so soft and comfortable. For your next fall favorites at Quince, find your next fall favorites at Quince.

38:42download the quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash so true get free shipping on your order 365 day returns now available in canada and the uk too that's q-u-i-n-c-e.com slash so true folks i think a lot of us have that voice in our head that talks us out of therapy okay serious one it says things like it's out of my budget boo sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry we'll we'll keep that i don't know if my insurance covers it or that classic what if i can't find someone who's a good fit for me lucky for y 'all rula is here to make all those worries all right rula is here to make all those worries disappear by making getting into therapy easier than ever be honest how many times have you thought i should probably be looking into getting a therapist and then you just didn't do it plenty of people are in the exact same boat and Rula's here to help.

39:37They make it incredibly easy to get quality care with therapists who take your insurance and actually have openings. What a freaking idea, huh? They also vet their providers. They monitor outcomes. And 93 % of patients report feeling better and making real progress. And with Rula, you won't break the bank. No, no, no. Rula works with your insurance company, offering personalized cost estimates up front with no hidden fees. I hate hidden fees. Rula accepts over 120 insurance plans nationwide. and their sessions cost an average of just$15 with insurance, with most appointments available as early as the next day.

40:10And the sign-up part? Well, honey, with Rula, this genuinely takes like five minutes. No, I'll come back to this when I'm emotionally prepared moment, because getting help should be easier than talking yourself out of it. If you're ready to stop talking yourself out of finding care and making progress, then head to Rula.com. That's R-U-L-A.com. Take the first step. This podcast, oh, if I've said it once, I've said it a million times. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place.

40:50We all need a good website in this day and age. I tell you what, and Squarespace has so many awesome features to get yours up and running. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. from consultations to events and experiences. Showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. Get paid on time with professional on-brand invoices and online payments. Plus, streamline your workflow with built-in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. Wow. Get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools.

41:19Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto-generated sitemap, and more. So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers. Head to squarespace.com slash showtrue for a free trial. and when you're ready to launch, use offer code SOTRUE to save 10 % off your first purchase of a website or domain.

41:41Wait, I have a question for you. Yeah. What do you think happens when we die and slash what are your thoughts on God? You believe in God? Please don't lie to me. I wouldn't lie to you. Nice. I mean, I don't believe in like the Abrahamic God. Is that what you mean? You tell me. No, I don't believe in that. I guess I'm probably what you would call just a skeptical agnostic, I guess. Yeah. You believe in God. I think so. I remember hearing you say this, maybe on this podcast. Is this something you talk about on this podcast? Almost every episode. Really? Yeah, that's how I'm doing with my fear of death.

42:17So you share the fear of death. I used to have a really bad fear of death. It was debilitating. And then I pretty much kicked it. Although I will say lately, I've had some weird small health stuff, nothing to worry about. but I have recently started thinking about death a lot more than I was the last several years. I think basically my relationship with death was like first 10 years of my life, didn't really think about it, didn't know much about it. 12 years old to like 23, 22, massively fucking terrified of death, depressed by it, scared, thinking of it all the time, like really, really, really fucked up, like fear of death.

42:57and then pretty much from then until recently didn't think about it much at all and was like it is going to happen but let's just not worry about it it's probably a long time from now and then crossing over into my 30s i was like i don't feel closer to death necessarily i just know more people who have died and i get sick randomly and i'm like whoa fuck that's really scary what was the way you kicked it when you when you initially kicked it before it came back what was how did you kick it it's come back in a really healthy way so i feel like i'm still counting it as being kicked but it's not so much a fear anymore it's a concern if that makes sense or like a thought i the way i kicked it was basically by just reframing what i think it is i think i thought of it as this like horrible ending for a long time that i was like i don't want this to end because i'm having so much fun and that makes me really sad but now i think of it i also don't want it to end and i'm having so much fun but now i think of it as just like a journey like a it can be a very beautiful thing like maybe it'll be because we don't know basically what I told myself is you don't know and neither does anybody else.

43:57And so deciding that it's a negative fucked up, like horrible, scary thing is just as easy as deciding that it's great because no one knows. And so why not just decide that instead? I love it. I'm not going to push on that at all. Don't push on it. I'm not pushing on it. Don't push on it. I'm not pushing on that at all. Don't push on it. That's beautiful. Yeah. I'm not pushing. Now, do I know that death can be painful? Yes, of course. Am I hoping that mine is not one of those? Yes, of course. Ideally, I die in my sleep when I'm 78. In your sleep? Yeah. I want to die slowly. I've thought about this.

44:34I want to die slowly and I want to be awake. I've thought about this. I want to see it coming. Yeah. And I want it to be an agonizing, slow thing. Why agonizing? Because I was with you for a second. Sorry. It doesn't need like the agony isn't an important part of it. You're just assuming. But if the agony is, if being awake means it's agonizing, that's a cost I'm willing to accept. That's what I mean. I don't want it to be agonizing. I would rather be awake and in agony than asleep. I understand you now, yeah. Why is that? Because I want to process it as it's happening. Yeah. I don't want it to...

45:06I mean, you saw Sopranos? Of course. So spoiler alert at the end. Yeah. Can I say it? Of course. So obviously, he probably dies and it's just, you know, that's it. Probably. That's what I don't. I don't want to be shot in the back of the head in a diner. Yeah. I don't want that. I don't think you will be. I don't think I will be either. I very highly doubt you get shot in the back of the head in a diner. I mean, call up Kashi, put on a bet. I think that the thing that reinvigorated my fear of death as an adult. I was an adult this whole time. I've been an adult. I've been an adult for a little while.

45:45Hey, look, there's no way around it. I've been an adult. When I finally became an adult two years ago. Yeah. I have, do you know what vasovagal syncope is? Have you heard of this? No. So it's basically you just faint sometimes. So I have vasovagal syncope and I was fainting and they didn't know why. And so they did this thing called a tilt table test. Do you know what that is? No. Well, it's very counterintuitive. They put you on a table and they tilt it. Yeah. That's the test. Fuck. But what happens is if you have this pre-condition, like your body is the way my body is, at that angle you pass out if you don't have the thing i have you don't pass out so the test is they put you at that angle and they're just like now we're going to let you be at that angle for a while and if you pass out then we'll know that you have that and you passed out and i passed out how long did it take do you know i know exactly well i think i know exactly how long because they tilted me up and they were like okay so now just sort of like sit here and i was and first of all i was like this is kind of nice i love this kind of medical test like you just like just like lay here and then they said do you feel anything and i said no i don't i don't think so they said you don't feel any lightheadedness at all and i went no i feel totally and then i was gone and then they revived me something like 90 seconds later or something revived well i think it was i think it was or they said they have to lower the table and do something to I mean I had like you know like cables stuff connected yeah um but I remember as soon as that happened and I came back I just remember thinking okay I do think that is what dying feels like minus the return yeah and that's horrifying to me that I could be talking and all of a sudden like no I feel and then it's just yeah I think that that's that's terrifying to me it totally sucks look I'm not pro-death and I'm not pushing on your belief at all you can push on I'm not pushing I'm actually decided in the time you talked i'm open to it being pushed on i don't because i really what it is is i'm curious what you would possibly push on me saying deciding that death is bad or deciding that death is good is the same thing because no one knows feels pretty objectively true to me so i'm like what how would he push i'm open to the push you have no i'm not pushing push you have five seconds to push five seconds to push push i don't think that i don't i just don't think that we know so i think deciding it's good or bad neither of those make sense but i do think that if it's oh yeah that's good i like this push keep going yeah yeah no no that is the push but i'm not pushing at all yeah no but i like that as a push that's that's fine with me i was worried that you would say something that would scare me and i was prepared to cut you off um just because i live in a very delicate space i'm not pushing no that's why i don't want to make anyone feel so what do you think you think it's not good or bad you think it's just fact i think it's just the absence of experience which is literally not good or bad yeah it's the absence of um i mean i You wanted to talk about Montaigne today, right?

48:37Isn't that what you said you wanted me to bring up? Yes, badly. Montaigne, please. When I came in, you said you have to bring up Montaigne. You must discuss Montaigne. You have to talk about 16th century writer Montaigne. You really need to talk about Montaigne. I think Montaigne is the one who said, it doesn't make sense to be afraid of death because you and death will never meet. Because if you're here, then death's not. And if death's here, then you're not. Right. And I think that makes sense. I agree with that. Yeah. But it's not as comforting... I think he was comforted by that fact. I don't think I'm comforted by that.

49:08Clearly not. Why? Because I'm terrified of death and think about it 40 times a day? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay, fuck. I guess that's your interpretation. Yeah, I don't know. I feel, I hope that something happens afterwards. I think it would be pretty cool if there was some way that our souls or spirits lived on. It is tough to think about this whole thing as pretty much for nothing. Yeah. But c 'est la vie. What are you going to do? I would love it. And the moment you die and wake up, that moment would be the best feeling imaginable. Dying and coming back. Just the moment you're like, I'm dead.

49:39And then when you wake up, whatever it is. I don't know. Whatever comes after. If just the moment you realize something does come after, euphoria. Oh, my God. Unless it's bad. I mean, that's the big fear. But for a moment, before you realize it's bad, you're just like, oh. Fuck, I get more. Euphoria. Euphoria. And then it's bad. And you're like, well, damn. Fuck, I wish it had been nothing. Yeah, I don't think bad. I don't think bad. That doesn't make any sense to me. No, I don't think bad either. No bad. Maybe good. Maybe good. Are you getting stressed out talking about this? No, I was thinking about it the whole time anyways.

50:11So now that you brought it up.

50:15Yeah, I used to think about it in such a scary way. It is scary to me. It's sad to me. People, and also the world just does not stop. Yeah. The world does not stop. That's so crazy to me. I actually, there was a, the day that Dolly Parton died, obviously a horrific day in my life that will stand uh in my memory forever uh there was a guy right when the news broke there was a guy coming over to my hotel to hook up and he messaged me when he got there the news broke like while he was on the drive over and he sent me a voice note it was really sweet but it really made me laugh and he was like hey i'm outside i did see the news about dolly like i know she's really important to you if you need me to like not come up or if you need me to like kill some time so you can process like totally cool and i i was like that is really sweet and maybe i should need that but i ultimately do want him to come up and we should have sex now but i was like oh yeah i'm just gonna have sex with this guy and then go on about my day i feel like that would make me want to have sex with someone more of course for dolly indicated that oh no but i mean to to express oh yeah but you gotta do it for now i gotta fuck the day dolly part and died i had sex 60 have gay sex for dolly um no but i mean just just having someone show that they know you, they know what you care about, they're trying to create a space that you feel supported in.

51:29Yeah, we have really hot sex. Get up here this moment. It was really hot. And the sex, I think, definitely was better because of it. Wow. Yeah, it was really hot sex. Shout out to that guy. What up, brother? I know he listens. I hope he listens. He has listened in the past. So he could be listening now. I hope he's listening to this. Or he didn't listen when he saw the thumbnail. Yeah, well, that is possible, actually. He's one of the people I was thinking of when I said that. He's someone that I think would skip after. Do you see like a noticeable decline? Like, because you can see viewership.

51:58Is this a measurable thing where it's like if Gondelman's on or like I'm on or something, is it like? Chance, we do get a dip with straight guys, don't we? A small one, but. Chance trying to hedge. But Langston and David's episode is a one. It's like beat a bunch of other. Oh, it's beating in the timeline, like the top 10 for the whatever, whatever. What do you mean is a one? So on YouTube, there's an analytic where you can see like one out of ten where a video is performing compared to the last ten. Yes. Okay, yeah. And it's a six. Got it. That's cool. One is good. One is a number that excites people like Chance.

52:34Okay. In that case, congratulations. My quant. That excites my quant. That excites my numbers, man. Yeah. I mean, that's because David and Langston are, I think it's a two-for thing. and I think it's also because I don't know that either of them, sorry, David Langston, I don't know if this will offend, I don't know that either of them are thumbnail straight.

52:58Oh, I see what you're saying. Like, if you know them, you know that they're straight and they both have beautiful wives and et cetera. But I don't know if they're thumbnail straight. Actually, they might be thumbnail straight. And you're sure that I'm thumbnail straight? You might be thumbnail straight. Wow. Yeah, congratulations, by the way. A lot of people would kill. A lot of gay guys would kill. To be thumbnail straight? Gay guys want to be. Why would gay guys want to be thumbnail straight? You guys want to be straight presenting more than they want almost anything. Really? They accuse me of it all the time just because I like football and dress like shit.

53:22That's not me trying to be straight. That's just my reality.

53:28Like, oh, so we're mask fishing? I'm like, no, I'm just a little boring and from Missouri. Like, I don't know what to tell you. Funny. I don't know that. Yeah, but I think you might have thumbnail straight, and that can be a huge honor in many communities. I wouldn't consider it an honor. I feel neutral on that. No, yeah, I can understand why you wouldn't consider it an honor. You're a good guy. You're a good guy. So that's not the kind of thing you'd get excited about. Oh, these are the thumbnails? See, they both come off a little fruity in that thumbnail. You know who looks thumbnail straight is Trixie Mattel.

53:56Wait, Trixie Mattel. This is, wait, hold on. Try to do it.

54:05Same color shirt, too. Please capture that for the thumbnail. Please capture that for the thumbnail. I want to get Trixie's overflow. Someone's like, I missed the Trixie Mattel episode. And then they're just scrolling through and quickly see like that. It must be that one. Trixie, yeah. Fuck. That is so fucking funny. Wait, what is so true to you? Oh, my so true. Yeah. My so true is... And the fact that you have one puts you in a league of your own, by the way. Really? No one respects this show. No one comes on here prepared for anything. That's so funny. I really agonized over this, which is going to make it even funnier when the one I say is not that exciting.

54:38I came up with several because I wasn't sure. I've listened to a lot, but not all. Yeah. And I was like, well, what if I say one that's already been said? Oh, that's funny. So I have one that's kind of a basic. This is a basic so true. Tell me. But if someone's already said it, you got to say, move on, and I'll give you the other one. I doubt that I would remember, but if I do, I'll tell you. Really? Well, if anyone remembers. They won't. Okay. What's so true to me, they might. No, they won't. What's so true to me is that everyone should call out sick if they're even a little sick forever. Stop showing up if you're sick at all.

55:07Ideally, yes. I think it's a great idea. Ideally, yes. I think it's a beautiful idea. Okay. People will abuse. That's a cost I'd rather bear than the cost of them showing up sick. Really? Of course. What is the scenario where you would... Wait, wait, push. Now you're pushing. No, I'm just listening. I love being around people. Staying home to me is the worst thing that ever happens to me. Really? Staying home is a punishment from the devil to me. So you go places when you're sick then? No. I would never. I would never. That's fucked up. I just think that when people walk into the office and heroically declare, I'm sick, but I came in anyways, that's not the flex you think it is.

55:51I'm thinking of like social situations. You know, oh my God, is social situations. If I like. So the specific language call in is something I should have tuned into. And you're saying specifically work. Oh. Do not go to work. I also. Oh, fuck that job. Stay home. I also believe in social situations. Oh. You lost me again. I know. And I actually, the funny thing is I could have had a win. Yeah. And I was like, no, no, no. You were about to really have me. No, no, no. You think I should never go to a social situation if I'm a little bit sick? I think if you're a little bit sick, just take the O.

56:21I think that it's like I've had the experience of hugging someone and then them saying, I'm a little sick. And I'm like, why did we just hug them? I think at bare minimum, if you're feeling a little sick. What are you, a Victorian child? You can't hug someone who's a little sick? What do you have? I just think that you're putting everyone at risk. At risk? I'm having a sniffle? Yes. If you're immunocompromised If you told me that you were immunocompromised And then I wouldn't come around you sick obviously But I'm like the issue I have with this is What is the line? A tiny sniffle? A little scratch in the throat?

56:55What are we talking about? That's obviously a great question And we all have to find our own line My line is Already we're finding our own line We're already finding our own line And I'm advocating for the adoption of mine I understand So you want your line to be the thing I think it is if you are, obviously, if you have a fever or something, that's just like hard no. I'll agree with you on that. If you have a fever, stay home. I would say if you have a fever, if you're coughing up blood, I think you stay home. Yeah. If you're bleeding out of your eyes, I think you stay home. Yeah, if any of your appendages are falling off.

57:28I would say stay home in that case. Stay home, yeah. No, I think, but I also think that you just know. Like, you know when you're getting a little, if you're like getting sick and you're like, this is going to be bad, like tomorrow, stay home. You don't always know, though. I think you, well. So let me ask you this. Let me ask you this, because I'm not against your rule. I'm really interested in learning about your culture and your view of the world. Let me ask you this. It's a Tuesday night. You're meant to go to a really fun hangout with a bunch of friends you haven't seen in a long time and probably won't get to see anytime soon.

57:52Sure. Okay. That afternoon, you go for a run, and it's in the park, and you feel like there's a lot of pollen and stuff in the air. You get home. But no, no, you don't know. You don't know. You're like, I don't know if this is allergies or if tomorrow I'm going to wake up and realize that I'm actually getting sick, do you go out that night or no? Okay, so this is a really good question because one of my best friends, Steve Waltine, has horrible allergies and constantly is sniffling and has to say to me, it's allergies because he knows my... He's like, hug me, stop being weird. Yeah, he has to say that to you.

58:22He keeps hugging me.

58:26But I think allergies are definitely... I'm just going to own it. Allergies are the trickiest part of adopting my... Of your idea. It definitely is the hardest part. So what do you do? So say that I had that day I'm not sure if I got a little Messed up from my run in the park that I'm definitely doing Or if I'm gonna wake up pretty sick tomorrow What do you have me do? Do I get to go out? What I'm doing is erring on the side of caution You're staying in? I'm staying in I wouldn't For a guy who fears death You're not acting like today might be the last one But I'm acting like I don't want to Speed up the death of my Yeah, I guess if you're hanging out with a bunch of people Who would die from getting a sniffle Yeah.

59:07I don't know, man. I hear you and I get it. And I'm like, maybe you wear a mask to the hang or whatever. But at that point, you're not having fun. They're not having fun. You're like, every time you talk, they're like, what? I want to go. I want to go. And it's probably from the park. A very fun thing would be as if you were sick right now. And this whole time, you're just trying to. You're actually catching me one of the only days this year I'm not sick. Well, last time I saw you, you were sick. What? You had. Well, I don't want to blow up your spot. Did I have strap? Yeah. Oh, I've had strap a million times.

59:35Oh, I didn't want it to be like, I'm violating hip-hop. If I saw you, I was uncontagious, though. No, I know. You said that. Yeah. Every time I get strep, I stay home until I'm uncontagious because I'm a good guy and I follow your rules. But no, I have gotten strep so many times this year that I have to get a tonsillectomy later this month. I'm going to take my tonsils out. You have to get a tonsillectomy. I'm going to take my tonsils out. Doctor said I have the biggest tonsils he's ever seen. Kind of cool. He was not excited to tell me. The biggest he's ever seen? He was like, you have the biggest tonsils I have seen.

1:00:04Wow. Wow. That is kind of cool. How big are they? How big should they be? I can't show you after what I did earlier on camera, but I'll show you later. I think you showed everyone. I'm like, how are they? Yeah, no, I'll show you later. How big are they supposed to be? Not as big as mine are. Mine touch. Mine collide in the middle. Wow. They're called kissing tonsils. Oh, so are you going to feel a physical difference once they're gone? Sure I am. A big one. I'm going to be in a lot of pain for a couple weeks. This is like ice cream only situation. Well, I've learned, so that was supposed to be the promise, was that you're allowed to eat ice cream all the time.

1:00:36But now I've learned you're not really supposed to do that because dairy creates a film in the back of the throat. What are you supposed to do? You're supposed to drink lukewarm broth and eat mashed potatoes. Oh, that's kind of like ice cream. Not at all. And it's going to be horrible. I literally told my therapist today, I'm like dreading it because I don't think I should ever have to be in pain. That is, you know, that's horrifying. I'm sorry. It's horrible. But I feel really lucky too. Is this your first surgery? Second. Second. I had knee surgery. Knee surgery. From football in high school.

1:01:02Repair or replace? The cartilage in my knee wore off, and my bones were snapping off against each other on the end, so they put in fake cartilage. Kind of cool. Damn. You can still feel my knee click. I'll show you later. Wow. It's kind of cool. That's cool. But, yeah, I'm scared of my tonsillectomy. My doctor made it. You know what happened? The surgeon, he's really fucking cool for doing this. I basically found this surgeon who is really highly rated in Kansas City, and I was like, hey. I called, and I was like, well, my mom called because she knew the nurse. And then they got me the number and then I called and I said, hey, I have like a crazy work life.

1:01:35I need the surgery to be this specific day. Like it has to be this day so that I can not cancel anything basically except for this one indie movie I was going to do I'm really sad about. But he was like, okay, we'll do it. We can do it then. So he like is doing it on this day for me. So I really like him going into our consultation appointment. Then I'm in there and I go, is it going to be as bad as everyone says? And he goes, no. Like everyone blows it way out of proportion. It is a tough surgery but like it's going to be totally fine. You won't even, I told him I don't want to take Oxy because I'm really scared of pills.

1:02:03Yeah. And he was like, you won't need to, like, we'll send you home with some in case, but like, you're going to be fine on like Advil and stuff. And I was like, cool, cool, cool. He left the room. I turned to the nurse. I go, he was lying to me, wasn't he? It's really bad. She like shuts the door. She goes, it's pretty bad.

1:02:18Also, never let that nurse out. That is, what a beautiful person to have in your life. I love her. Honest nurse. I love her. To close the door. Yeah. Like. It's pretty bad. It's really, really bad. Yeah. It's pretty tough. Yeah, and then she said everything that he said, too. She was like, we put stem cells in now in the site, and that helps a lot. She's like, it's gotten way better, but you're going to have a tough time. And I was like, okay, sounds good, girl. Did you, well, I guess, wait, well, your high school surgery was a long time ago. Do you remember how bad that was? That, I didn't take pain pills for that either.

1:02:52That was pretty bad, but I don't think it was so, so bad. I was 15. I remember. Body's just bounce back. One time I fell on it. I fell on it after surgery I was like trying to hop up the stairs to go get water or something And I fell directly on my knee That I had had surgery on And I I don't think I've ever That's probably the most pain I've ever been in in my entire life It was really really really bad And then my mom was like why the fuck didn't you ask me to bring you water We might have to take you back to the hospital now And I was like I don't know I want to get my own water You want to be independent I totally get it I remember crying because I had a shoulder Tear Actually, my surgeon, this is one of my favorite things the doctors ever told me.

1:03:33But he was like, so we need to do surgery to repair it. And he said, but what are we going to do? And he was like, so what we could do is reconnect the labor force. And he was like, or we could do a laparoscopic thing where we do three holes, and then we move the tendon of your bicep down. And I was like, oh. And he's like, it's called a bicep tenodesis. And I was like, oh, OK. Yeah, I guess we could do that. He's like, I think it's a lot better. I was like, oh, okay. And he went, actually, I kind of pioneered the procedure. But I was like, let's go. Well, my reaction was, I love that that's your reaction.

1:04:09I love that. But yes, you want the person who made it to do it. You're going to do the best job. But I was like, how many have you done? Like, am I like the first person you're like, finally. He's like, I think it could be way better. Yeah. Obviously, it's fine. Damn. Falls off. But yeah, obviously, it's fine. So my guy, I was hoping, my guy, I asked him, like, there's different kinds of tonsillectomies you can get. And I tried at every stage to get him to agree to the one that I thought was going to be less pain. And he was like, you don't know what you're talking about. You should. And you have the largest tonsils.

1:04:40He was like, your tonsils are huge. They need to come entirely out. I was like, what about the kind where you leave a little bit in? So he goes, it's going to be the same amount of pain. And if I leave them in, they can grow back. And then you'll come back and do it again. And I said, what are the chances it grows back? And he goes, Caleb. He goes, let's take them out. I'm going to cut you off right there. Yeah, well, shout out to him, I guess. Damn, that's crazy. How many surgeries have you had? Just the one? I had appendicitis also when I was in college. What? Yeah. I was working at a job. That's fucking crazy.

1:05:07That shit can kill you. Yeah, it can. Mine hadn't burst, though. When it bursts is when it gets real bad. But mine was huge. But the way I found out was I was working at a company moving cabinets out of apartments. And I was like, just really, I was like, man, I'm so hungry. And so then I went and got a bagel, and I ate the bagel. I was like, damn, I'm still hungry. I just feel so hungry. And that happened like three times. So I ate like four bagels. And it turned out the feeling of hunger, it was my appendix had gotten huge. Yeah. That's really interesting. No, it's not. No, it is because I'm sitting here going, if we're counting on me to know that something's wrong with me by how often I eat something and I'm still hungry, we're never finding.

1:05:51That's never going to be a thing. I'm going to have the four bagels and be like, I guess it's a five bagel day. We're never going to get to the bottom of what's going on in my stomach. I heard a flight pilot recently. It was like a thing on Instagram. He had to turn the flight back because his appendix burst while he was in the air. He was in like over that. You can hear him being like, we're turning back for a medical emergency. The person with the medical emergency is me. I'll get us to the gate. And then I need to go, I think, immediately to the hospital. He's like in so much pain. and you can hear it in his voice and I was listening to this and I was listening to this and I was like could you fucking imagine flying a plane and being like I think I'm dying right now wait isn't that why you have a co-pilot sure the passengers would have been fine but I'm like he had to be so scared that would have been oh my god I guess that's like parent energy where it's like this is an emergency but I'm still the adult in the room I need to put on a you know it's like the house is burning down What we're going to do is walk through that door.

1:06:50So we're in big trouble. Yeah, exactly. This is my role. Yeah. I cannot let this slip for a second. My authority is real. Don't let me be pilot. No. If my opinion's first, but I'm a pilot.

1:07:05Hey, I'm not going out alone. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But I'm not a pilot. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. But I wouldn't do that. Do you know, I think I've listened to three podcast episodes in my life. I cannot fathom listening to a podcast. I don't know why people do it. Thank you guys. I don't know why they do it. Oh, interesting. I don't. I mean, I do listen to podcasts, but I'm curious. Maybe that's why you're so good at it because you're not steeped in it. I don't know. I don't know if I really am good at it. I'm good at talking. Like I can talk forever. That's what it is.

1:07:37I could sit here with you all day. That's the job. I guess. But I don't know how often it gets. Well, I really let myself off the hook by saying that this isn't a comedy show. So if we ever have an episode where I'm not being funny at all, I go, well, I was never supposed to be. That's my little trick for myself. That's a great hack. I mean, we talked about death. I mean, we talked about tilt table tests. This is not a comedy. It's all worth it. It's all worth it. I wanted to hear about the tilt table test. I hate that you have that thing. Will they cure it or no? They're just incurable. You're going to pass out a bunch?

1:08:03That would be such a fun. If this episode ended with me passing out, that would just be a nice, like, if it was like Life is a Herald, like I'd just pass out. Yeah. So you just pass out for the rest of your life? They can't do anything after they put you on the table? I drink salt every day and stuff. I'm like mitigating, but I could pass out. You drink salt? What does that do? How so? What do you mean? You put it in water and throw it back? Yeah, drink it down. Really? You can't just get it from food or something? You can. Actually, my doctor said, you can salt your food as much as you want. You can't have too much.

1:08:34Wow. Isn't that beautiful? That's an awesome thing to hear. Yeah. A different doctor told me. I'd like to go to that doctor. No, it was great. He's in one of the bathrooms at Penn Station. yeah yeah no he just got a third stall he's great tap three times super nice he doesn't take insurance but it's cheap i went to an ent in new york uh about my tonsils before i found this guy in can city and when i went she was like she the building was ugly and dirty and the hot sorry sorry michelle did find this person for me and i don't know where she found them i was like hey can you please find me an ent like i need to go and she found this place she sent me to somewhere that was like it was really gross and it was in a not a part of town that i really wanted to be at a doctor and it just was like the building didn't make any sense and no one like there was no door person the elevator was disgusting the there was like a there was like an amazon coat rack in the lobby that was like so broken that i was like why wouldn't they just take it down yeah the whole thing was scary and then i got into her like disgusting little office and she looked at my tonsils for two seconds she was like i can take those out for you when you want to do it and the way she said it i was like i can never get surgery from this person like it was i could do her i know yeah yeah she's like you want the you want those things out like i got this it was scary dude wow and the office was gross and weird and they're like tumbleweeds and shit basically that is new york doctor's offices are different because we're both from the midwest yeah consider kansas city the midwest um midwest doctors are like the the offices themselves they they just feel different.

1:10:08You go to New York and it is like, this is a residential apartment building. I'm going up to like the ninth floor and then like falling down the stairs. And that's the, and it's like an NYU like offsite location. Yeah. Do you want to hear the scariest thing a doctor ever told me? I think so. Okay. So I was, I went to a cardiologist and I said, because I have, there's a history of sudden cardiac deaths in my family. And I was like, you know what? I'm getting like, not old, but like I'm getting older. Like, let's just preempt everything. Yeah. And so I went to this cardiologist and I, and I, we talked about things he could do and then he said well let me ask you this what are you worried about and i said you're this is going to shock you i said dying suddenly and he said dying suddenly and i said yeah and he went well you don't need to worry about that and i was like oh okay and then he said you're just returning to him and i was like oh that's not what you want your heart doctor to feel i know i was i was like this is i was like for for the purpose of this experience let's say that's something I am worried about and he was like okay and then we kept talking for a little while you're just returning to him he did end up recommending a book to me that has Jesus in the title I don't remember what he said next but it made me feel like I had to ask the question do you believe in evolution and I don't remember what he said but that was what I felt like I had to say next and his answer was I believe in micro evolution you can't be my heart doctor.

1:11:34That was the last time I saw him. That's fucking crazy. A really sad thing is like, I think fully, super sweet guy, had a great time talking to him. Like, no shade to him if he's listening. He listens. By the way, you asked me if I worry about things I say. This is what I'm going to worry about. Is that he's going to hear this and be like, I thought we had a really nice connection. No, we can totally be friendly, but you can't be my heart doctor if you're interested in returning me to him. It was the same doctor's office when i came in the woman at the front desk said um what sign are you and i said pisces and she said i thought so and i was like you have my i don't know like everyone i thought i did that math right march got it that was like i just like everyone here like all of these things are totally cool beliefs to have i don't want my medical professionals to be thinking about my astrological sign or like the christian afterlife like i just like in this setting we're gonna go ahead and be like, in this house we believe science.

1:12:32Yeah, yeah, yeah. In this house we hate when your heart stops. We don't care about your astrological sign. But again, very lovely people. No problem with them as people. I think they should all have their licenses taken away. That is so scary. To say you're going to return to him. Return to him. And that's also sort of like euphemistically, because you return to him, I had to be like, I think I know what that means, but it can't be that. And then he had to clarify. That's fucking crazy. horrifying you want to play a game oh i love the game okay i like that you're gonna play the game who what's the percentage of success though it's low right yeah not high you put these together you know what's interesting chance told me there's a guy i don't know that it's a guy chance told me there's a person on uh reddit who does like analysis of all the so trues like how many times a person's gotten seven right or like how many times a question's been asked about the ocean or like they run like data about the so true segment.

1:13:28Isn't that interesting? Yes. I like that person. Shout out to them, whoever they are. You'll never see me on there, but I really love that you're doing that work out there. You ready? Yeah. I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false. And if you get 10 or more correct, we're going to give you 50 US dollars. Really? Rachel Ray was born in Ireland. Incorrect. False. New York. The Rose Bowl opened in 19... I'm sorry. I said incorrect. Obviously, this is true. False. That was insane. It's okay. I was with it the whole time.

1:13:54Can we count it? False. There you go. And it was false. It was New York. The Rose Bowl opened in 1922. False. True. France's motto is liberty, equality, fraternity. True. True. The Simpsons has run for 41 seasons. True. False. 37. Come on. Madison West High School's mascot is Reggie the Regent. Who? Madison West High School's mascot is Reggie the Regent. Oh, true. True. Scorpions can hold their breath for... Everybody always likes that. Only in my high school. Scorpions can hold their breath for six days False True What? There are no Olive Garden restaurants in India False Incorrect

1:14:38False, there's one The main character in the book Holes' name is Stanley False True Really? Stanley Yelnuts Oh, Yelnuts? Yelnuts, Stanley backwards Have you seen the movie? No I thought you said his name is Stanley Yelnuts Close. The moon is gradually drifting closer to the earth. False. False. It's drifting further. Lawrence University Athletics compete in the NCAA's Division II. False. False Division III. The capital of Montana is Helena. False. True. Damn it. It's never the most famous one. The capital is never the most famous place. It's one of the ones you don't think about. The chemical symbol for silver is SV.

1:15:17False. False. It's AG. Emus are native to South America. False. False, Australia. The Blackberry Curve is older than the Blackberry Pearl. True. False. I thought so. One more. Elliott Bay Book Company moved from its original location in 2008. True. False, 2010. Oh, come on. You did this? I did. How do you do? Eight. Oh, damn. But some of those were kind of amazing. He's fucked up. He's a bad guy. He's a bad guy. He tries to treat people. I see. When you said Elliott Bay moved, I just knew they moved. and then you said the year. I'd already answered. That was on me. Yeah, the cockiness, really.

1:15:56That's a lesson to be learned. That is actually, honestly, it is. Something to take from that. Slow down. I was doing like... Relax. Yeah. We're never going to die. What? We'll live forever. Wow, that's awesome. You ever think about that? That you might live forever? I don't think about that. Oh, no, I don't think I would. I thought there's a chance I could be the first guy. You might be. I thought there's a chance I'm the first guy. I remember the year they were like, Like the person who's going to live to 200 has already been born. I don't think that's me. I think I either, I think I either, yeah, I don't even want to say that.

1:16:27But I think what I can tell you is if there's a guy alive right now who might live forever, I think there's a chance it's me. But have you seen the Netflix doc on Infinity? No. Oh, I actually do believe it's up your alley for what it's worth. What happens? Well, just as, I mean, re the moon quest, everything is moving so away and faster. so eventually there will be a time when not only is everything so spread out and cold and desolate even if you traveled at close to the speed of light you could literally never reach anything else because it's so far away and moving faster away sounds good this was a lot of fun

1:17:09we gotta end now true thanks for doing it dude do you want to tell people where they can find you look you can I'm at Asher Perlman on social media True That's true And I have a podcast but also with Michael and Asher True True, correct True And I have two books if you want to pick up my books True True Hell yeah brother, appreciate you