Blair Socci is Being Sincere

20:07Caleb Hearon:um as my mother and my uh brother and the psychic um but my problem is that like i have built a life that i'm genuinely fulfilled by i'm busy as hell i love all my friends i put all so much heart and soul into my friendships my family and i love comedy and so there's not like this huge gap that feels like it's missing what i love to be in what i love to meet the love of my life in a coffee shop and then like i'm like oh my god this guy has so much integrity he's dripping with integrity and yet i just want to bounce on that thing yeah you know would that be sort of an incredible situation to stumble on but do i want to on my night off go out on the hinge date gotta do it anyway sorry gotta do it anyway i know all right all right i'm gearing up tough love time you're not going to bump into a man dripping in integrity that you want to bounce on his dick at the coffee shop.

21:06You're going to have to take 45 minutes on that night off and go get a drink, baby. Tough love time. I can't. It's the number of my friends that are like, I just don't, I don't have the time. I can't imagine. Yes, you do. And you have to.

21:16Caleb Hearon:Well, speaking of someone who will utilize every minute of time, you are incredible. Not really. I'm pretty lazy. I just, you have to, you have to have boundaries. 45 minute first day. It's 45 minutes of your day. You can do it. Right. You can do it. Are you one of those psychopaths that does a day date, like a coffee date? If that's what I have time for, yeah. Oh, my God. And I'll just be really clear. Like, hey, I have a thing after this. But how do you catch attraction at coffee in the daytime in a 45-minute window? It's not about catching some sort of, like, terminal long-time attraction. It's, like, you go for 45 minutes.

21:52You talk to someone for two minutes, and you know if you like their vibe or not.

21:55Caleb Hearon:That's what I'm saying. So you talk to them. You talk to them for a couple minutes. you go oh I like this person they say something interesting you float some you float some like some bait you go like oh what do you think about this you know you get their opinions on things you find out a little bit about their politics a little bit about their worldview whatever you need to know and then you leave and if you enjoyed them and you feel yourself wanting to hang out with them again you make time again but yeah this I mean it's mostly lesbians I have this problem with but they go I don't I don't know how I go on a first date I don't have five free hours in the next week oh I do have five free hours it's getting the will it's getting the ambition it's stirring up some sort of any, even just a modicum of genuine motivation.

22:32Yeah, well, maybe do false motivation. Maybe just make yourself do it. 45 minutes. Once a week.

22:37Caleb Hearon:Alright, 45 minutes. Once a week, a drink. You want me to go get a drink with some strange man instead of moving my ass at the dance class. I do. Well, I want you to do it right before or right after the dance class. That's what I want. Both. All the above. This guy's freaking crazy. I do like that you will schedule your day down to the hour I know that about you I used to do that a lot I mean these days I'm pretty Michelle knows I'm canceling shit I'm canceling shit that's good because I didn't know where you were getting the engine for all that oh I'm canceling I'm rescheduling yeah I also now I have a very I used to schedule my day down to the hour because I had to work a lot more to make a living yeah I was broke and so I was busy like it was like these huge hours of the day where I had to be working which is being an only person in the world right and now that that's not really my like now I have more free space like i things have to get done but they can kind of get done when i want them to right and i can kind of cancel most things wow and so i will i take now i take the liberty but i didn't get used to get to do that and um what are you and what are you sort of are you you're at a lot of concerts i feel like is that like your ideal god i love going to concerts yeah my ideal is like oh i love going to a concert yeah i love seeing my friends mostly my friend shows i want to see my friends do their thing.

23:51I like going and seeing my friends do the thing they're really good at and then hang out with them for a little bit afterwards and make them feel supported. That's so much fun. I love going to a dinner.

24:00Caleb Hearon:I love a dinner. I love walking. I've been walking to Manhattan a lot from Brooklyn. Love walking. Hate standing. That's always been my position. Standing, no thank you. Walking, I love. Walking, love. Love it. Love walking. It's the best. It feels so good. It's the best thing. It's really the only exercise that I prefer to be involved in. Besides dancing. Are you out here dancing or yeah i went dancing the other night with carly kane oh i love carly we went dancing i haven't seen her in forever oh god but yeah but my ideal day concert biking you biking no you're not you're not finding me on a bike i love to bike no way in new york that's like a death sport yeah well there's a thrill in it is are you really biking around these oh yeah well i remember the first time I moved to New York or no the only time I moved to New York um I hadn't been here and I was like oh yeah I know how I'm gonna die I will be impaled by cyclists impaled by a cyclist yeah because like they go careening by like they don't worry about the walk you really as a pedestrian you have to have your wits about you like in LA there's people walking on the five freeway and you just have to dodge them yeah you know that's your that's on you I would say cyclists in my experience are pretty, the thing to me that I think about cyclists is they are the perfect example of a community that's mostly right but suffers from being too fucking annoying.

25:21Right. Like, they are mostly correct. Cyclists, it's, like, drivers completely disregard them. Pedestrians will stand in the fucking bicycle lane doing nothing on their goddamn phones. Like, I understand the cyclists that are putting out, like, head cam footage of them screaming at people because people are fucking idiots. Right. But because cyclists are so goddamn annoying, we don't want to hear their correct message.

25:40Caleb Hearon:and that's the that's that's that's the burden and now we're circling back to politics and that's their burden they have the correct message but they are so all goddamn yeah no but uh sometimes i and i have experience at this trip i will be candid with you um i there's a walk sign and there's a cyclist that said no bitch absolutely not yeah of course i just think generally cyclists are more in the right than in the wrong right there's gonna be a cyclist who blows a walk every once in a while. Yeah. But most of the time, cyclists are following the rules and being safe because they're in a vulnerable position and drivers and pedestrians are ruining it.

26:15Caleb Hearon:And so what we're doing, God, I didn't know that you were doing this around here. Are you doing that only in the daytime though, right? No, I'm biking at night. Oh my God, you're a wild man. Yeah, people don't love it. You can't be corralled. Well, I think it's fun. Also, I know what I'm doing. I think a lot of it's just paying attention. Apple Pay is the simple, secure and fast way to pay. That's because your credit or debit card is right on your iPhone. Accepted at millions of places from big box stores to boutiques, you can check out with your iPhone anywhere contactless payments are accepted.

26:46Caleb Hearon:Apple Pay is more secure than a physical card because you authenticate your purchases with Face ID before you pay and your actual card number is never shared with merchants. Add your debit or credit card to Apple Wallet to check out in seconds. Simple, secure, fast. That's Apple Pay. Terms apply. Oh, couldn't be me. Couldn't be me. Couldn't be me. No, I love it. It's the most magical thing. That's really nice. I'm so happy you love New York as much as you do. I love New York. Moving here is the best decision I've ever made. I'm so glad about that. I love that. Are you going to move back? No. I know.

27:20You love LA.

27:20Caleb Hearon:Oh, no. I'm such a... I need my trees. I need my sun. Yeah. You know, I wake up... And this was a tough year this past year. And when you guys were having that winter from hell, I was like, yep, too fragile. Every day I wake up. Thank God this one is there for me today. Oh, it was beautiful, though. Yeah. Well, I know. It was so awesome. You know, you have a much more robust constitution than me. You know? So, yeah, it's perfect for you. You got that grit. The grit has left me. I don't even think it takes that much grit. I mean, here's what I'll say. I leave a lot, so I'm not a good advocate for how beautiful the winter is.

27:55I'd be leaving. I'd be going other places. I don't have to commute to an office in Manhattan every morning. So other people, I don't begrudge anyone complaining about it. But I will say, God, I missed seasons. Yeah. I woke up after four years in LA and I was like, what the fuck happened?

28:09Caleb Hearon:Where am I? What happened? What did I do? I did nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Four of the most prime years of my life, the last four years of my 20s, I was in LA doing almost nothing. Right. And I woke up and I was like, oh my fucking God, what happened to me? I know. I can understand that sentiment. I am quite glad that I started comedy in New York. I feel like there's nowhere like it. You know, I'm glad I was out all the time. I was running ragged, going to multiple shows a night, going drinking, you know, not sleeping the entire time I was here. Now that's why I'm catching up. Yeah. Yeah.

28:43Caleb Hearon:But I'm glad I did it. Yeah. Yeah. We miss you. Thanks. We miss you out here. I stopped by and, you know, next time we'll be doing the karaoke, so. I'd love to get a text. I'd love to get a text. All right, well, now that we've covered it, like, again, I don't want to intrude on Anne and Meryl and Stanley. Anne and Meryl and Stan. And Stan. Is he just a dream? Yeah, he is. Everybody was lovely. But it is funny. The thing you're mentioning is, like, a thing that I've heard a lot in the last, like, two years. People being like, I just didn't want to bother you. And I'm like, bother me. Am I giving that vibe?

29:21Caleb Hearon:Not at all. Not at all. You're not giving that vibe at all. Like you are the most receptive. Like you text back immediately. Like you never give that vibe. Matt and Bowen said the same thing. And, and they were like, wow. But I was like, this bitch. Wow. They're like, wow. Would have loved to be invited to that. That would, it sounds like so much fun. Now, would I have come had I been invited? I don't know. I can't tell you that. That's not for me to know. I, I, All my decisions about where I show up are based on a minute-to-minute, hour-by-hour assessment. Same. But even if I've said I'll be there, it just has to.

30:00We have to see.

30:00Caleb Hearon:Right. We have to see. But I do love to be invited places. Yeah. Well, I was actually stunned by this. This bitch forgot that she had a birthday party and forgot who she invited, that she invited anyone. Everyone came out on a Monday night. I would say 94 % of the people there were sober, too. and it was just an absolute rager. And I was like, New York is crazy in that way. Sober rager on a Monday night. I'm sorry, I'm calling Rosebud. Oh, no, I'm not. She's going to love this. No, I don't have her number. Oh. We talk on Instagram. Do you want me to call her? Yeah, we call her. Sure. Claude texts me.

30:42Hey, are you going to be at your studio in like 30 minutes? I forgot my key for the building and need to get buzzed in.

30:48Caleb Hearon:Who's Claude? Claude's a musician. Oh, hot? Yes Single? Give me this Help me Hello, Larry Hey, surprise It's Caleb Heron Hello, Caleb Hey, babe I just wanted to confront you really quick on my podcast Okay I am here with Blair recording, frankly, an all-timer episode And I've been led to believe that you had a karaoke celebration on Monday that I didn't receive a text about. Did you want to speak on that? Actually, you were sent the particle. Love you. I love you. Goodbye. I love you. Goodbye.

31:31No! Do you know? Oh, my God. No, not our Dakota Johnson, Ellen DeGeneres moment. Not this.

31:40Caleb Hearon:Actually, Ellen, that's not true. Actually, Ellen, that's not true. Dakota was the villain in that clip. That's crazy, but you know what I will say? not in my defense but just as a point of reality I'm not clicking partifels anymore stop fucking sending them to me I'm not clicking partifels I hate them I don't want to see the guest list I don't want to RSVP text me the goddamn address and time I'm not clicking your partifel it's over with partifel for me no more partifel for Kayla don't send me your fucking partifel I'm done I'm not replying with a gif stop so you want to go back analog you want individual text Yes.

32:15Caleb Hearon:Yeah, okay. You know, and I could be so bold here. I love an email. I love an email. I love an email because then I just search it right up. And when I get the email, I actually input it into my calendar, whereas for some reason the text to calendar doesn't happen as easily. I love an old school email. The particles have gotten out of control. The particles are out of control. People are doing them for like movie nights. Yes, that's exactly the problem. Stop. There's an oversaturation. There's an oversaturation of particles. They're not, I don't like it. I don't like it. I'm getting upset with them.

32:52Caleb Hearon:Yeah. Don't send one to me. Right. Don't send one. That's why Caleb wasn't at the Monday Night Karaoke. That's on me. And I'm reaping what I sow. Right. And honestly, I'm my problem. Yeah. Open the particle if you want to go to karaoke, you whiny bitch. You missed Joyful Joyful from Sister Act no less than three times. That's actually really beautiful. I wish I was there for that. Yeah. I'm going to start opening the particles again. take everything I said back. I'm opening particles. Send them to me. Send me your particles. Come one. Come all.

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36:56Caleb Hearon:So you've been biking outside of hanging with Meryl. I feel bad that I hung up on Rosebud. Why? But I just couldn't let her do that to me. No, she loved that. She tried to come for me on my show. Yeah, no. Nice try, bitch. Well, she posted all. She was posting about it crazy style. I was getting messages about her post from disgusting men. What? They're like, I can't believe you went to karaoke braless. I was like, honey, look, it wasn't my most supportive bra, but I'm not out here swanging in the streets braless on the Monday night. I know. Men are crazy. You wouldn't believe the DMs I get. Yes, I would.

37:36Caleb Hearon:And I feel, yeah. I've seen some of this stuff and it makes me shocked. I know. But it's like Rosebud didn't... as like a non-single woman doesn't get the same shit. It's like if the only thing keeping men from being gross is another man. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah, that is true. Yeah. I got an awesome DM. I got an awesome message on Grindr the other night. Really? Yeah, do you want to hear it? Yeah. I really screenshotted it because I was like, this is actually to me the best case of a message I can get on Grindr. Okay. Let me find this. One of my goals this weekend, and it wasn't to go on a date, but just to redo my dating profile.

38:15Caleb Hearon:and I asked Rosebud to hold me accountable. Uh-huh. What does yours say? My Grindr? Yeah. Well, my Grindr... That's just a fuck app, right? Yeah, pretty much. My Grindr, not that interesting. My Hinge is good, I think. Really? Like, you go all in? I'm bringing hotties. I'm bringing hotties in on Hinge. No, but I mean, like, do you write a lot or, like... Yeah, I write some stuff on there. Okay. Do you want to see my Hinge? I'd love to. Thank you. I wish I could find this Grindr message. I thought I screenshotted it because I thought it was so cool. Hmm. This is awesome. He said, what is this? This is four in the morning.

38:48I had just gotten home. He said, I don't know a different way to say this. Can I please suck your dick? Before we even start, yes, I have seen your work. You're hilarious. And I want you to fuck me if you're into it. Awesome.

39:00Caleb Hearon:That, what an opener. Really awesome. Yeah. That's like, you dream of a way for someone to talk to you and you're like, wow. No, he nailed it. Fan of my work. Sure. Wants me to consent. Right. Love that. Wants me to have sex with him. Yeah, offering a great service. No questions. Sure. Like zero preface. No dumb little game we have to play. That's awesome. I really like that. Pretty cool. Did you meet up with him? Yeah, we had great sex. We had a fun night. Wow. It was an awesome time. I really have a lot of respect for that young man.

39:34Caleb Hearon:I just love how you close the deal. It's great. It's not much of a deal to close. Usually I'm having to be, you know, usually there's a little more work involved. That was just a layup. That was offer only. Wow. Offer only. No self-tape. This is my hinge. Okay, chic. Would you date him? Oh, 100%. Why can't you be straight? This is so sexy. It would make my life infinitely easier. I would give anything. Oh, my God. I love you. I would give anything to be straight. I would fucking move mountains. No. I would give anything. Do you understand the way that... I mean, men are so pathetic. Straight men are so pathetic because if I were straight, the way I would fucking, like, I actually could cry thinking about it.

40:18Like, I would clean up, dude. No. It's so easy. I just, I feel that we are so, people are so stupid.

40:28Caleb Hearon:Yeah. Like, it really is, like, our society is so stupid at this point that so many people I hear from, I go, I just don't even know how to seriously engage with you. Right. And I'm talking about on the internet. Yeah. In real life, people are mostly lovely, even when they're dumb. but yeah yeah i just feel like we i don't i don't know how to seriously engage with a lot of people anymore well i i don't think you have to and i feel like that realization is keeping you at some semblance of peace with all the people like because they're they're projecting they're making a huge projection on you based off of one little short clip refusing to consider context ever.

41:07Caleb Hearon:Refusing to consider nuance ever. And also, by the way, refusing to shut the fuck up. Do you know how many times in a day I see something I don't like online and I just go, oh, that's annoying, and move on with my life. I scroll. The option to shut the fuck up is there and so many of these people just won't take it. Shut the fuck up. No one cares what you think. I know. When I get these straight men like, uh, hateful straight men that don't think women should do comedy and it's like well you're free to not like my clip it's not for you dumbass yeah have i ever gone it's psychotic to go on a stranger's video and write something hateful but that is the same thing and it's that so many people especially online imagine that they imagine that they would do what you're doing better than you yeah but we'll never know because you'll never have the chance babe i know we won't ever know how you would do it because no one wants to hear from you.

42:03Caleb Hearon:Right. And they think they would be a better comedian than you. And it's like, then go get on stage. You can't. No one would book you. Yeah. We are never going to hear from you because you don't have anything interesting to say. And so you're in Blair's comments talking about how women shouldn't be comedians. Brother, you can't make the people at your office laugh. I always say that. I'm like, that's fine. You literally never said one funny thing in your whole goddamn life. There's a reason we don't know who you are, women commenter. If you were so otherworldly funny, we would know who you are.

42:30Move on. Go find something else. Try being kind. Maybe that's your lane.

42:34Caleb Hearon:I know. Well, also, it's like the funniest people aren't spending their day, you know, in Instagram comments on strangers' videos. They're out doing it. Yeah, they're not. And also, a lot of the funniest people are not famous comedians, but they're also not in the comments of famous comedians doing fucking theorems about comedy and what's funny and what works. And, like, I see these guys sometimes, back when I would read the comments more, like when my Comedy Central set came out. Yeah. And it was, like, a big deal for me to have a Comedy Central set. Mostly nice comments, really, but a couple of straight guys that were just like, oh, this joke would have worked better if X.

43:07Get on stage.

43:07Caleb Hearon:Yeah, or like. Let me know when you get on stage. And they're like, good concept, but need to work on the delivery. Do it. I'm like. Send me your 10. Yeah, I'm like. Send me your 10, you pathetic bitch. Yeah, okay, Seinfeld. Like, you don't know. Oh, my God. It's just like you. Yeah, you've never done this, and you never will. and then I feel like sometimes when you say that, people are like, oh, so they have to like you? I'm like, no, they don't have to like me, but they certainly shouldn't be criticizing the way I do something that they don't have the balls, talent, skill, or courage to even try.

43:44Caleb Hearon:Sorry to bring it back to Brene Brown, but if you're not in the ring, baby. Get out of here. I think it was Brene Brown who said, get out of here. She said, I don't know her quote. This is a non-Texan paraphrase, but what she said, If they're not in the ring with you, their criticism doesn't get to be in there either. Hello. Hello! I think that's word for word. But, no, also, the idea that it never considers, it never crosses their mind because they feel like everything, whether they're aware of it or not, is inherently for them. Right. That if they don't like something, that it could be actually for an entirely different audience.

44:27Caleb Hearon:Yeah. Like, you know, when I think about straight men, sometimes I'm like, I literally have nothing in common with you. I don't know how I'm supposed to go to bed with you. You know, like, we don't have any of the same interests, ideas. Keep following that. I'm going to. I know that's your wish. Keep following that. Dakota, what's up, girl? Chase that down. Yeah. No, I think sometimes I do prefer, though, me personally, and obviously, this probably wouldn't speak to your experience, but for me personally, I sometimes prefer the straight guys that are just like, he's unfunny, his jokes are bad, to the, like, liberal queer people that don't like me that are, like, try to make me, like, a moral failing.

45:05Caleb Hearon:Or try to give, like, an academic analysis of what is supposed to be silly and absurd. Where they're like, it's problematic that he said that. And it's like, no, you just don't think it's funny. Shut the fuck up. You don't think it's funny. Shut the fuck up. You're insufferable. Problematic, I hate. If you say problematic to me, I will never take you seriously again. Well, it's also just so crazy because, I mean, especially you, like, you're out there and you were way before even you achieved these like great levels of success like doing the work like you are very heavily involved in charity giving your money your time i do the bare minimum i do the bare minimum i do not i i do i do i do what i think i'm supposed to do i'm not i don't even want anyone to be like he's such a great activist i know that you don't want i just mean like and i know that that's not what you're going for but it's like to go after to not have the awareness that who you're going after is actually like putting good into the world and doing and like as opposed to so many other people that are either actively harming or just not doing shit yeah i think my i don't need anyone to think that i'm a hero i don't think that but problematic to me is such a specifically stupid brain dead worthless accusation against someone not even just me in general in the world yeah problematic is like you either need to find a real problem in your own life, go find something to be actually worried about.

46:21Caleb Hearon:Yeah. Or you have to actually say what you don't like about this person. Problematic is like really sit down and think about that. What does that mean? It means nothing. Think about a real problem and try and assess the text or the content through like any kind of lens at all that has any kind of merit. Problematic is just like the dumb person's way of being like, I don't like this and that means it's morally wrong. No, it's not. You just don't like it and you're not a serious person to engage with. yeah and also it's like not it's a comedy podcast or a stand-up set yeah or a comedian whatever it's like what yeah it's just like it doesn't matter the point is to have fun like we're not i mean look i'm not trying to be like i'm pushing the boundaries and look i'm the last bastion of truth like you know i'm a fucking poet and philosopher i'm a poet and look if you don't like it then you know just get the fuck out of here leave the country you know immigrate fucking immigrate yeah but but it's also like then we go the other way too far the other way you know yeah and you're just like god can anything be remotely fun anymore or just like silly and can you just dislike something quietly yeah can you must you be so so like vigilant about the things you don't like.

47:43I don't like plenty of things and I just mostly keep it to myself.

47:45Caleb Hearon:Oh my God. For the most part. Except, well, when it comes to like movies and TV and stuff like that. There are things I definitely talk about not liking. You're in the Netflix comment. I'm in the comments on Netflix. God, if Netflix had comments, it would be such a nightmare. Could you imagine if streamers got comments? God. We're probably close. Now there's commercials. We're basically back to paying for 70 different cable packages. I know. I love it. You do? Yeah, I'm really happy about it. I think it's good. Yeah, I know you do. I'm glad it costs way more and it's way worse. Right. I think that's awesome.

48:13And that's happening with everything, by the way.

48:15Caleb Hearon:I know. Everything costs more is worse. Nobody does customer service anymore. Everyone's customer service now is fuck you. It's fuck you. And it's some, like, hateful robot that just has three. It's a hateful robot that has, like, A, B, C, D answers. And they're like, did A, B, C, or D meet your, answer your question? It's like, no, bitch, not even close. Not even the same galaxy. And they're like, thank you. Have a nice day. Everyone's customer service is you type in your question and their little bot sends you back a link to an FAQ page. Yes. Why don't you mail me a knife and I'll stab myself to death?

48:50What are you talking? This is so unhelpful. Nobody has good customer service anymore. Everyone's product is getting worse.

48:55Caleb Hearon:Yeah. It all costs way more than it ever did. And it makes no sense. Yeah, it's crazy. It makes no sense. And I feel crazy all the time. I do too. What are we going to do? I mean, the flights, the flights, it's crazy. I'm going to personally do nothing except for complain a little bit. But I do think somebody should do something. But at least it's on your own forum and it's not in someone else's video. Hello. Also, if you want to complain about an airline, go nuts. Yeah. Well, I will say the one boundary I have for myself is I will not do, I've said this before on the show, no matter how bad travel gets for me, I will not do.

49:23On stage, maybe public Instagram story tagging the airline. Oh. When people do this, it is the most humiliating base behavior. Right. When you see someone with 8 million Instagram followers and seven houses, posting on Instagram being like, at JetBlue, you're over! I'll never fly you again! It's like, why were you in the first place? Like, do you not have a contact? Like, call the, you must be of status with them. Call the people, like, what are you talking about?

49:52Caleb Hearon:I love that you find that to be the lowest level of gauche because I'm always like, I'm glad someone, I'm like, I appreciate it. Because I'm like, eight million, maybe they'll listen to them. I know, I just think it's so humiliating. It is, I think it is, and I get where you're coming from. And I've been in the place, you know what I mean? where you've had a day where an airline pushes you to your fucking edge. Yeah. And I get why they do it because, again, everyone's customer service now is fuck you, sit on it and spin. But I just can't bring myself to do it. Not when my life is the way it is.

50:21Caleb Hearon:Remember, like, several years ago when Nicole Byer opened one of, like, the blankets and there was shit in there? And then she... That was unbelievable. She, like, talked about it on, like, the couch on, like, late night in her special. She got like a huge settlement from them. It was really incredible. And I was like, go Nicole, like do it for the rest of us. Yeah. You know? That's a really, really good perspective and point on it. And I'm going to sit with that and think about it. And maybe I'll change my mind. Yeah, no, if you could reflect and sort of, sort of if you could maybe open your heart a little bit and let something else in, that would be good.

50:54My heart is somewhat open. There are little windows where my heart is open and I'm finding myself in one now. And I'll hear what you're saying and maybe I'll change my mind. For now, I find it to be one of the most humiliating things you can do.

51:04Caleb Hearon:Hey, I'm Frank. Before we don't even need to talk about it But I love your work Can I suck your dick? Hey can I suck your dick? Cool as hell Awesome thing to say to somebody Awesome thing to say to somebody I appreciate when someone Cut the fat like that No need for a long runway We're all busy Yeah we're so busy We're all busy Cut to the chase What are we doing here? How was your day? Are we fucking or not? I'm trying to think What I would feel Is like really charming to me If like a way that a man Could like get in my heart Yours would be like Like, yours would be like, hey, you're so beautiful and smart, and I really, like, value your personality.

51:42And I don't even want to hook up with you yet. I'd really like to take you to a nice dinner. That would, I think that would, I would get, like, a phone call if a guy said that to you.

51:49Caleb Hearon:I'm so sorry. I just felt, like, a huge rush under this. I am so sorry. Does anyone have a paper towel or something? Can someone mop this up? Is there, like, a mat? Especially if he was, like, five years older than you with a good job. With a good job? Oh, my God. Oh, I just know. I know. Also red too. What'd you say? Is also red books. Yeah. I thought you said he's red. I was like, I guess he could be red. Yeah. He could be a little sunburn. No worries. I love how you tried to just allow that. I was like, okay. Yeah. I was like, he's red. Sure. Actually, sun protection is really important to me.

52:21Yeah. I was like, oh, he's red. Yeah. No worries. At first I thought you meant like a ginger. I was like, that's cool.

52:27Caleb Hearon:No, because my first boyfriend ever, or not my first boyfriend ever, like in my 20s, like my my real serious like post high school college boyfriend um he was from my hometown and he was literally like the first man i had met what like knew about literature yeah and you know that uh led me right in there yeah i overlooked a lot opened you right up opened me right up it was it was an unsafe you know scenario and um because he was starting he was talking to me about you know charlotte bronte and stuff like that and uh and and then um later i found out he lied but he still was very well read that's really awesome that you lied about that yeah that's a real i'm sorry but that's a ball knower yeah that's a real player to lie about reading charlotte bronte to get some ass that's like sorry that's awesome i i hate that he did it to you but that's a pretty like that's a that's a student of the game no honestly i wish that i could just have one shred of calculation in my life i mean one i would love just one morsel of nefarious behavior of thought to sort of try to trick someone it's never cost my mind to trick someone you know when i was on one time i was on a for one year of my life when i was two years in a comedy i was on a prank show yeah and i was the only cast member that liked the pranks and i think it was just because this sheer the one moment of me sort of getting one over on someone for the first time first and last time ever yeah you know someone orchestrating some a little bit of conniving this do you know what michelle said to me recently what that really fucked me up michelle michelle told me recently we were i don't know where i came a car from something we were like you know working and michelle goes i think it was a dream michelle goes i had a dream that a vision yeah worse Michelle goes, I had a vision that you're going to get your heart broken this year by a red-headed man.

54:20And now every time I'm attracted to a red-headed man on a dating app or if I see a cute red-headed guy, I'm like, I can't talk to him.

54:27Caleb Hearon:Michelle had a vision. Number one, she had a vision that I'm going to get my heart broken. Horrific. Right. Number two, by a ginger. It's very specific. Crazy. And now, I'm sorry, if you have red hair, don't talk to me for a while. Michelle, what is the genesis of this vision? were you sort of a deep binaural beats meditation or mushrooms or? Thank you so much for asking. I just like have vision sometimes where like I look at someone and really see something. We're all so high. That's not. We were stoned. We were stoned. There. We were stoned. We were stoned. And you just felt it. And that made it scarier for me personally.

55:00I'm stoned and Michelle's like, you're going to have your heart broken this year. And I was like, what?

55:04Caleb Hearon:Third eye open just out of nowhere and Rupert Grint came into your awareness. Yeah. Rupert Grint, like, yeah, something similar to that. To break my heart. Because I, one thing about me, I love a redhead. Yeah. Like, and not, I mean, not every redhead, I'm just like, not any one thing of anything, but like 50 % of redheads I'm super attracted to. Back when I was a really ill gay man and I would still hook up with like closeted straight guys. Really? Which is a journey you have to go through as a gay guy. That sounds so scary. Of course, it's horrific. And you'll really assign meaning to it. I mean, it really, some gay guys don't grow out of it.

55:34And to those, to my brothers, I want to say, heal yourselves. but I was in that for a moment and I will say one of my most challenging straight guy situationships was a ginger.

55:45Caleb Hearon:Oh so maybe your future vision was actually a past vision because you know parallel realities Maybe being stoned blurred the timeline Right. Maybe you didn't understand that actually my heart was already broken by a ginger so I'm actually released from the curse. Yeah you went back and forth. You were all experiencing everything everywhere at once. All the planes were The veil was thin in that moment. The multiverse. The multiverse of Ginger Heartbreak. Ginger Heartbreak is a cool name for something. Absolutely. Maybe a drag queen. That one guy I'm so attracted to that was the star of Homeland.

56:19Caleb Hearon:The redhead. I've never seen that show. Okay, he was also on Billions. I know you caught every episode of that show. I've never seen Billions. I'm so sorry. No, no, I know. You've seen it all seven. Any other ones? What's his name? His name's like Dominic or something. Damien. Damien Lewis. He's so hot. I think he's so hot. and such a good actor. He seems, he has very kind eyes. I think he's so attractive. Oh my God. You remember this? Oh, I have to tell you something off. This was like four years ago and I had a crush on this comedian and I told you guys and you're like, all of you were like, nope, I don't see it.

56:53Caleb Hearon:And I recently told him that I had a crush on him and he was like, no. He said no, he doesn't want to hear that? Who is it? What bleep is it?

57:07oh yeah what and you told him and he said he said no i mean men are diseased he should be bending over backwards i did tell him that he would regret it

57:18Caleb Hearon:and he was like i already regret it but like you know we're really close friends yeah whatever and i do have to see him almost like every night and i and i but i'm never like i don't see um comedians as sexual beings so that was just like a real rare thing. Yeah, you don't really see comedians as human. I see the female gay in days. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Male comedians are not human to you. And actually, I like a lot of male comedians as a friend. Yeah. But nothing past that, no. Yeah, that's good. That's healing. I'm like, oh, we get a flat tire. We're going to have to call in some sort of SWAT team.

57:52Caleb Hearon:I mean, you know, like, I was like, oh, like these fuckers know how to operate a grill. What am I? You think they're weak beta male cucks. Absolutely. That's what I call them, weak beta male cucks. Yeah. Yeah.

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1:00:26Oh, my God. I texted Claude. yes, you can buzz us. We'll let you in. And they said, never mind. Someone let me in. Thank you, though.

1:00:31Caleb Hearon:Wow. Wow. No respect. Claude. Yeah. Claude has a, Claude has a, works at a studio in this building and Sarah Squirm has a studio. Oh, really? We're kind of making a revolution over here. I love that. There's a Brooklyn revolution that no one's talking about. I feel like everyone's talking about it. There's a Brooklyn revolution in this building. No, this is. This building kind of sucks. We've made it nice, but the guy totally liked me. I think it's gorgeous. The guy totally lied to me. The guy, when I rented this place to be the studio, he was showing it to me and I go, there's like a bus depot across the street and I go, you know, we record podcasts so just shake my hand and promise me that during the day it's quiet.

1:01:09And he shakes my hand and he goes, it's quiet, man. You're going to love it here. Let's sign a lease. And I said, okay, I trust you. Cannot be louder.

1:01:16Caleb Hearon:There's a drummer? I've never, drummer? I wish. I fucking wish it was a drummer. Instead, it's a bus depot that operates all hours of the day i don't even know where they're taking the buses they're seemingly going into the parking lot you know it makes those loud beeps when they back up yeah beep beep i think they're going out there backing the bus up 10 feet driving it forward back up 10 feet like an austin powers um scenario in that hallway with the yes with the golf cart if you told me that what happens over there is that it's their job to test the beepers on the buses right to make sure that they're working, I would believe you.

1:01:49Caleb Hearon:All day testing. It is completely insane. I had to pay tens of thousands of dollars to soundproof this, like, curtain over here that soundproofs the room. This guy fucked me, and I believed him based on a handshake because I'm, what, like a 1950s rube? I'm a fucking moron from the Midwest. I trusted this man's handshake. Right, no, that's that classic first date. You're not going to kill me, right? Yeah. No, okay, let's go. And now I'm dead in the woods. Right, you're dead in the woods. He killed me. It's the loudest fuck. The loudest room I've ever been in when those buses are doing their thing.

1:02:18Caleb Hearon:And where are they right now? Right now they're not beeping. We've actually, with records recently, got pretty lucky. They're not operating so much. I think it was maybe Passover for a second. Sure, the buses were busing. Well, I think all the Hasidic guys who run the bus depot were maybe busy with other stuff. Do they ask you if you're Jewish? We need to record. No, they do not ask me if I'm Jewish. Oh, because, you know, they would ask me if I was. I would love if they would talk to me at all. They don't speak to me. Oh. I would love to be in community with them. Right. So would I. I try to smile at them.

1:02:46I try to be in community. They're not interested in speaking with me.

1:02:48Caleb Hearon:No, they said just take our buses. Totally, they're right. I wish I could take their buses. I'd put them somewhere else. I tell you, if I was in charge of all the Hasidic buses in the city, you know what I'd do with them? Move them out of the bike lane. I would move them out of the bike lane because my brothers are putting them in the bike lane. Gosh, I had no idea before I arrived here how pro-bike you've gotten. I've always been pro-bike, but I'm telling you, between the Hasidic community and the NYPD, the parking in the bike lanes is at an epidemic rate. Wow. And the NYPD, of course, I'm more mad at it.

1:03:18Caleb Hearon:And they always said there was going to be another epidemic. It's so funny. I get, like, I'll be biking and I'll come up on a row. Hello. I'll come up on a row of Hasidic buses and I'll get so mad. Yeah. And I'll be like, God damn it. And then I'll be like, Caleb, you can't. They're Hasidic. Right. Which is not true. I can definitely be mad at them for parking in a bike lane. Right. And then I come up on one where the NYPD's parked. They might legitimately be doing something. Sure. But probably not. But I allow myself to get mad at them and that feels nice. No, I think that's important. It's really nice.

1:03:43Caleb Hearon:The other night I was on the road in some town that I never want to attend again. And this man who I was speaking to sort of, you know, having a cheeky little back and forth with on the stage. He didn't answer at all. And so that, of course, you know, kept provoking me. He just kept doing a light smile. But then after, his parents, they're hammered and they're like, you got to meet our son. You want to know what he does for a living? he's a cop like thinking i was gonna be like sounds good take me here in front of your parents he's a professional candy crush player then he dms me like multiple times and i was like i i didn't i didn't respond but i was just thinking you literally couldn't say one word in person but you're also a police officer and now you're dming me on here why am i airing him out like this but still it was shocking to get a dm from a cop.

1:04:40Air him out.

1:04:40Caleb Hearon:I've been trying to stay away from you guys for a lifetime. Be careful. He might be running a sting operation trying to bring you down. I don't know. I don't know what for, but he might be trying to get you for some kind of financial crime or something if you're doing any of those. Well. Are you committing crimes? The thing is, if I were committing crimes, I know everyone would immediately assume financial because I sort of have that feel of like day trader, you know, like industry. Yeah. Lock them in on that. lock them in there yeah penny stocks what does paper say or what's her name oh what's that bitch's name um i love that show it's been too long sorry i had a z-quill last night it's okay yeah it's pretty late in the day but yeah z-quill maybe still has some lingering well rosebud gave me two and i'm more of a one guy you took two z-quill yeah okay because that's a crush dosage yeah yeah you ever take a z-quill are you a good sleeper i'm a pretty good sleeper that's an incredible trait yeah that's gonna give you a really good life okay yeah i love that for me sort of not my strength sleeping yeah yeah from the womb two's equals a lot oh honey i that was like a tranquilizer yeah that is their scheduled dose but i think they should knock it down one me and my friend kevin played in a baseball game recently in texas and then we were driving back to can city together and we stopped in oklahoma city and our big like relaxing night was that we went to dinner shared a steak stopped at a gas station got advil pm both took a double dose and went the fuck to bed.

1:06:05Caleb Hearon:Oh my god, that's me and Rosebud's like, that's what we do every time we see each other. Also, the Ivo PM was because we had played in like a pretty light hearted game of baseball. Right. Like it wasn't even that serious. I ran really fast one time and my body is straight up still recovering and this was weeks ago. No, I know what you mean though. When you play like a fun, uh, you have like a sports romp. Yeah. When you get to it like a certain age and you think that you, your body wants to and your heart, you just want to click back in to what once was. Yeah. And it says no, and it's like crazy because you still go for the moves that you had, and it's just a different world.

1:06:44I kind of thought like, we stretched a bunch. Oh, you did? I walk like multiple hours a day. I bike. You tried to prep. Well, I just thought like, I'm good. I'm good. I'm younger than a lot of these guys. I move my body a lot. I'm good. Yeah, so running as fast as you can.

1:07:03Caleb Hearon:Yeah. Just running as fast as you can for three bases. It's just a different kind of thing. No, it's crazy. When are you ever, when are you ever going 100 % run? Like as fast as you can. And mind you, I'm a big guy. So it's a lot to ask of the body to run like that. Yeah. And I did score. Okay, bitch. What were we working with? I scored. It was awesome. Okay. But yeah, I'm paying the price. My legs are still feeling a little funny. Right. I can't tell you how long ago this was. That's fine. And so do you have a pretty good swing on you? Or what? Oh, yeah. Really? Oh, yeah. You've been perfecting that thing.

1:07:41Oh, yeah. I used to play baseball.

1:07:43Caleb Hearon:It's no problem. What position were you? I played, at one point I played first base. At one point I played third base. They knew not to put me in the outfield. Yeah, same. I played one year on the Toronto Blue Jays. And I was first base. and you were first base for the Toronto Blue Jays yeah I mean the the t-ball team but um thank you yeah no problem and then once in a while I get into shorts shortstop and I think that speaks to my agility and the way that I can move quickly anticipate and be a leader yeah be a leader and there's only three girls on the team and um this kid Brett Everett always used to burp in my fucking face yeah I hit him with a bat that's appropriate yeah that's really and then but I had to carpool with him still after the bat.

1:08:32How, where did you hit him?

1:08:34Caleb Hearon:Just like on the arm or something. Did he get really hurt? This is the last time you're burping in my face, motherfucker. You said that? Yeah. And did he get really hurt from it? Uh, no. But he cried. Of course. Yeah, that's what you get. He shouldn't have been burping in your face. Yeah. And that's what if I see any of you internet commenters out in the wild, what's going to happen? I hope you square up, motherfucker. If you say anything about Blair's voice, she's going to hit you with a bat in the arm. Actually, it doesn't hurt me, and I want you guys all to know that. So just have at it. I feel nothing.

1:09:03Caleb Hearon:Nothing. But if you call Caleb problematic, I will get my bat out so fucking fast. Problematic? Yeah. I want you to have a bat out at all times. Thank you. I want you to have a Louisville Slugger with you at all times. A Louisville Slugger? I want that. Did you hit a home run in your baseball career? No. Oh. I never hit one. Maybe I hit one. I think there was one game when I was in like fifth grade that I might have hit a home run I'm forgetting if it I got home on the run I'm forgetting if it was in the park or out of the park sure because they might have just fucked up throwing the ball back but I got home on it that was kind of cool hell yeah no that's huge I miss the good old days yeah I miss my glory days I miss high school football right I would give anything to be back under those lights god those boys don't realize how good they have I just love that you play high school football god I miss it it's so chic there's nothing like it I would have been in love with you.

1:09:54There's nothing like the way those lights hit you when you're out there with your boys.

1:09:57Caleb Hearon:Absolutely. It's you and your teammates against the world. When I was rolling up to that field, I had my best glitter eyeshadow on on a Friday night. My mom probably told me to take it off. And it was just so exciting. Gave me a couple bucks for just a nice popcorn. I miss you. Go out there, look at those asses and those tight ass pants. Yeah. The NFL, you can still do that. I know. I like that. And that's sort of something when you used to live in L.A. that I enjoyed with you. I became a cheese fan with you, even pre-Taylor Swift. You did. It was very special. That was bizarre. Yeah, huh. I really like the community.

1:10:32Caleb Hearon:I really like the passion that you guys had going around there. Yeah, it was fun. We made good food. The food was unlike anything. I was like, oh. Most of the point. Well, I was like, football parties in California really pale compared to a Midwest football party. Like there was a, what is that like canned cheese called? That's so good. Oh, Rotel. Rotel! There was so much Rotel and I was like, this is where I'm supposed to be. Rotel with spicy sausage. Rotel with spicy sausage is my dream. Whole-made chicken wings and ranch. Food. It's half the reason. Part of, the biggest part of the reason to watch football on Sundays is to eat the, oh, I'm so hungry.

1:11:06Caleb Hearon:I'm thinking about Rotel, sausage Rotel. Eat the delicious food. And then another big part of it is to objectify the men. Yeah. Look at the, look at their arms and their little uniforms. Yeah, they're hot. I want them. Also, your shrewd sports analysis is pretty impressive. They should let me be a GM or a coach. Yeah. Caleb gets so serious. This is my – he's like, everyone get ready and, you know, quit running the ball. We got to stop running the ball. Well, why are they ever – yeah, I guess. So the Chiefs piss me off so much because they will run – they will do some tricky, stupid bullshit on, like, third and four where they're, like, doing, like, a fucking pitch behind the line of scrimmage.

1:11:43What are you doing?

1:11:44Caleb Hearon:Yeah, no, they need a direct line because they're not, you have such, I was going to say court awareness, but I have to switch it to field awareness. You can see a direct shot that they're not utilizing. Well, here's the deal. I am, like every man who came before me, an unathletic Midwestern man who thinks that he could coach the Kansas City Chiefs to another championship. Sorry, but I. And that's a beautiful delusion. It is a beautiful delusion, and I have to say, as an elite athlete myself, former, former, I won't be so bold, a former, a long time ago, many years ago, say I've met many a straight man who believes in their heart, every cell of their body, that they could be an elite level NFL coach, NBA coach.

1:12:28Caleb Hearon:And I do have to say that you're the only one that I think could actually do it. I've long said I would bring intrigue to the – if they would give me – I'm not kidding. They obviously never would. I would drop everything else in my life to go coach the NFL. Any team. Give me the worst team in the league for one year, and I don't know if we'll win, but we will be talked about. Right. I would make it so fun. Oh, my God, I would make it so fun. No, this would be incredible. This would be like Ted Lasso with Flair, you know. No offense to Jason and the whole team over at Ted Lasso. Sure, and the whole team.

1:12:59He doesn't, Ted Lasso doesn't hold a candle to what I would do.

1:13:03Caleb Hearon:I know that. He's too cutesy with it. Right. I would rule with an iron fist. Like the Navy. Worse. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no, I just know that team. I can see the whole movie. I can see the whole timeline passing before my, this Remember the Titans, and it's, you know, you start out. God, I love Remember the Titans. It's such a good movie. Incredible movie. Denzel. Ah! I love Denzel. We're not grateful enough. We're not grateful enough. Yeah. We're not grateful enough for Denzel. Yeah. I love Denzel. I don't care how celebrated he is. It's not enough. It's not. John Q? Have you watched John Q? I haven't.

1:13:37Caleb Hearon:One of the last movies I remember, I mean movies, dreams. Dreams that I remember because I don't remember a lot of dreams because I take a nightgummy before I do my TikTok every night. Yeah. That's probably not. But you want me off that, I know. I want you off TikTok. Nightgummy we can keep. I do want you off TikTok. Only five milligram and I never up. And my tolerance never increases. And I get blasted to the moon every night. And that's how I make a lot of, I get a lot of presents for myself on their TikTok shop. Yeah, sure. You're doing TikTok shop? Sometimes, yeah. Okay. Yeah. No worries. You seemed at peace with it, so I was willing to let it go.

1:14:10Caleb Hearon:Well, I oddly purchase like endless beauty products. And a lot of the first, they launch there for sometimes. Like you can't get them. They're launching beauty products exclusively to TikTok shop? Yeah. I don't know why that feels so dystopian to me. It is. It is dystopian. Yeah, I didn't like hearing it at all. You know, or the stuff that I buy off the ads because they, like, get inside your brain. Like, they really know your algorithm, you know? Yeah. Off Instagram ads. Yeah. I'm like, oh, yeah, that is exactly something I would like. Yeah. It's sad. It's very sad. They do sometimes get me with Instagram.

1:14:40Consumerism. I've never ordered, but they do sometimes get me with the Instagram ads. I will see something and be like, you figured me out.

1:14:44Caleb Hearon:Yeah, well, I'm like, I've never heard of that brand before. Yeah. I've never seen this before. Yeah. So intriguing. So intriguing. Yeah. What's so true to you, Blair? What's so true to me? what's so true to me should I be is this supposed to sorry nobody ever has it ready don't worry about it well I cannot tell you there is there is not a single person who has ever come on the show I almost went super earnest though that was my inkling is that what you want to do I don't know let's try it what's so true to me uh friendship is true to me I love friendship I do too and I like inappropriate

1:15:26Caleb Hearon:level of loudness in a car. That's really true to me. Say more about that. I think if you have a loud car that... Oh, I thought you meant inside of the car. No. You mean of a car. Loudness of a car. Oh, I feel murderous. No, this is so, so true to me in every waking cell of my body. If you have a loud car, what happened? Why are you doing this? You're going to hell when you die. You don't have to do this. You're going to hell. You can trade in that car. You can take that muffler off. Blair, they put it on to make the noise. I know that. They like it. I know. They're going to hell. No, they are out here thinking that they're cool guys, you know, really doing something.

1:16:10Caleb Hearon:And then to us, it sounds like Nine Inch Nails in Guantanamo Bay. Yes. And we are all, it's ruining our day. My mom, I'm on my walk talking to my mom on the phone. She can't hear a fucking word I'm saying. The loud motorbikes that zip through traffic. Yeah. I don't want anything bad to happen to them, but it pisses me off. I don't want anything bad to happen to you, but I just want you to consider what it would like to consider one other person one time in your life. For even a moment. For one second. There's old people out there, you know, they could have a startle. I'm not even going to pretend this is about old people for me.

1:16:42It pisses me directly off.

1:16:43Caleb Hearon:Oh, it upsets me. I don't even really care about the elderly in that way. I'm telling you, it's pissing me off. Turn the car down. If you're putting stuff on the car to make it louder on purpose, you will go to hell when you die you will be there for eternity yeah they will you're a bad person well it's it's that thing uh in psychology where they only know how to get negative attention right you know yeah they don't know how to get attention in a positive way so it's just like that's their only way is to get people mad yeah you know it's working it's like um it's like those kids who are ding dong ditching as kids but they just continued on dude can i tell you something To adulthood.

1:17:18One time, me and my friends were, like, camping in his yard. We were like, can we put a tent in the yard? And his parents were like, sure.

1:17:24Caleb Hearon:Whimsical. So we're out there in the tent. And, like, I mean, I feel like it was, like, 4 in the morning. The truth is that it was probably, like, 11 p.m. Sure. Just based on being a kid. Yeah. And we were like, okay, let's go ding-dong ditch this guy's house. Right. We went and ding-dong ditch. We didn't know them. But we went and dinged. We rang the doorbell and ran away. And, of course, it's like, hey, there's a group of kids giggling in a tent one block away. I wonder who did this. Sure. And we ring the doorbell, we go back to the tent. And then like five or ten minutes later, we just hear an adult voice outside the tent that goes, hey, guys, open up the tent and come out here.

1:17:58So we open up the tent and we come out and we're like, what's up? I'm sorry. What's up? We were sleeping. And he's like, you weren't sleeping. I just heard you laughing. And I know that you rang my doorbell and ran away. And we were like, no, we were sleeping. We would never. And he's like, guys, he was so like actually kind of cool. I'll never forget it. He was like, guys, I'm really not mad at you. I know you're trying to have a good time. I have a newborn baby, and my wife and I are trying to get a little bit of sleep. Please don't do that again. That really sucks. And we were like, oh, my God.

1:18:29Yeah, we didn't do it, but if we see whoever did it, we'll tell them.

1:18:32Caleb Hearon:Those culprits, we will relay the message. And he was like, no, you don't understand. You're not in trouble. I'm just telling you, don't do it again. It really sucks. And we were like, yeah, well, if we were ever thinking about doing it, we won't now for sure. it was so i think about this guy like twice a week the lies that you tell as a kid that you just commit to even though there's holes everywhere like we the same thing oh we had this house like there was an empty lot next to us for so long and then a house got built and it was like i don't know whatever it was crazy and we were assholes and one time from our driveway on the specific side egged their house.

1:19:10Caleb Hearon:Yeah. Like we were really young. Yeah. And then they were like, did your kids do this? Because it's, the only could have come from your driveway and no other angle of like a regular person out in the world. Right. And we were like, no, that's crazy. Why the fuck would we do that? Why would you even say that? Who would be dumb enough to egg the next door neighbor from their driveway? Crazy. I mean, the funniest thing about it and I think why I think about it so often was him just like, being very reasonable and nice about it and us still refusing to level with him. Yeah. And just being like, no, dude.

1:19:42Yeah. We didn't do that. But whoever did, they're fucked. They're fucked.

1:19:47Caleb Hearon:Yeah. And him just like being like, guys, come on. Just being so over it. And now as an adult, I'm like, oh, I don't even know if I would have the patience to be as cool as he was about it. I'd be like, you guys suck. I'm going to spray him with a water hose or something. You kids are so fucking annoying. Stop it. I have a newborn baby. and that newborn baby is probably like 50 years old now or something God just based on how time goes time is crazy let's like so long you wanna play a game yeah I love games okay I'm gonna read you 15 statements player you're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false if you get 10 or more correct we're gonna give you 50 US dollars whoa okay you ready I'm ready name of the game is speed Sydney is the capital of Australia true false Canberra the sun rises in the east and sets in the west false it's true fuck The atomic number for hydrogen is one.

1:20:36True. True. The Atlantic Ocean is the largest ocean on Earth. False. False. It's the Pacific. Costco is San Juan Capistrano's largest employer. True. False. It's the Unified School District. J. Robert Oppenheimer invented the theory of relativity.

1:20:52Caleb Hearon:False. False. It was Einstein. Yep. The liver is the largest internal - Einstein's wife, actually. Right. So the liver is the largest internal organ in the human body. False. True. Fuck! Joan Rivers lived to be 90 years old. True. False. 81. Ah! AMC A-listers can see four free movies a week at any AMC location. I thought it was three. It's three. False. True. UCLA's motto is let there be light. False. True. The Coliseum. The Coliseum. That's not their goddamn motto. It is, I think. I don't know. Chance writes them. The Coliseum is located in Athens. False. False. It's Rome. Elephants can't jump.

1:21:28False. True. Everybody loves Raymond ran for 13 seasons.

1:21:31Caleb Hearon:That's not what those TikTok videos of those little babies do. Everybody Loves Raymond ran for 13 seasons False It was nine Nike is the Greek goddess of victory False True Fuck I wanted to say true Volleyball was invented in Massachusetts False True How'd she do? Michelle why are you laughing? Yeah Michelle That was fucked up Because I wasn't going to laugh until Michelle did by the way I felt serious about it And you know what I learned a lot Is that I went against my intuition a lot on my first instinct. You doubted yourself. Yeah, I doubted myself and I learned a lot and I'll come out stronger.

1:22:09Caleb Hearon:And I hope my parents know that those multiple advanced degrees I have are paying off. Yeah. Blair, thank you so much for being on. Caleb, it was my goddamn honor. Thank you for fitting me in outside of Merrill's house. And I just had the time of my life. I can't wait. Look, the karaoke tech's coming in advance next time. Thank you. I love you. Do you want to tell people where they can find you, how they can support? Oh, please. I would love to. I have a brand new podcast out that I'm really psyched about called Spaced Out. Haven't been asked to be on it, by the way. Keep going. I'd love to have you on literally any fucking time you're available.

1:22:43Caleb Hearon:Spaced Out with Blair Saki. I think you'll love it. A lot of fun. And I'm on tour ongoing the rest of the year. I post everything at Blair Saki, B-L-A-I-R-S-O-C-C-I, BlairSaki.com. Love ya. Thanks for doing it. Thank you. Apple Pay is the simple, secure, and fast way to pay. That's because your credit or debit card is right on your iPhone. Accepted at millions of places, from big box stores to boutiques, you can check out with your iPhone anywhere contactless payments are accepted. Apple Pay is more secure than a physical card because you authenticate your purchases with Face ID before you pay, and your actual card number is never shared with merchants.

1:23:22Caleb Hearon:Add your debit or credit card to Apple Wallet to check out in seconds. Simple. Secure. Fast. That's Apple Pay. Terms apply.