Charlie and Natalie Are in The Queue

24:55Yeah, so sexual yeah, so that's why I think he's straight It's a really good idea. I've actually had some women in my life. Tell me to cool it Because I flirt so much that they've been like hey, it's like it's like really actually Well, yeah, it's like You know it's a good thing that we do that honestly navigate yeah, cuz we should navigate is No, it's not. Remember my Bruce Springsteen thing? I'm like a straight guy. You're like really close. No, I know you are. But it hasn't so much been navigating as much as like every once in a while. I'm like, Charlie's bi. He would have sex with me if we weren't working together.

25:30I've placed both of you on different watch lists. I've got you on bi-watch and I have for a while. And me? And I've got you. Do you already have a they in the mix? Is it just she, her at the moment? Yeah. I've placed you on they-watch. You're on bi-watch and you're on they-watch. They-watch is funny because it rhymes. you're on by watch you're on they watch and that's where you'll remain until something happens oh my god it's not they watch they watch I'm so dead you know I do get they them sometimes at shows and I'm like okay and I got served the other day for the first time congrats I was like what in this society that could be really helpful and he was like oh my god I'm sorry when I turned around and it was like I mean a lot of friends that happens to you all the time and they're just kind of like whatever but since it was new I just kind of like really looked at him and I was like me?

26:17he was like yeah he was like my bad he was awesome but sometimes yeah some specifically with homes sometimes I'll like touch their lower back or something and they'll get goosebumps and we'll have to have a talk and that's really actually sad and scary to me because I'm like for me it would never be like that I'm so exclusively strictly gay but they they just can go that way they have that versatility it's too awesome so you're never even No, not in a long time. It's not for me. But not even for thinking about it? No, it's over for me. I thought about it for a long time really intensely. You were doing that, though?

26:54In high school, yeah. You were putting in the work. You were like, I would love for this to work out. Oh, I did, yeah. I did all this stuff, and I didn't enjoy it. It just wasn't for me. I'm so gay. I love men, and I just want to be with men. Cheers to that, brother. I'm saying, I just love sex with men. You guys love guys. I do, actually. What's your fave part? Curve of the balls. No. Thank you for positing that, but that was a good place to start. Let me guess. My fave part of guys. Oh, God. Their eyes are their mind, probably. Stop. Okay, making me look like a pervert. Probably just their brain, the way they think.

27:32For me, probably their eyes are their balls, probably. Yeah, specifically the curve. The eyes are the curve of the balls. The curve of their eyes are the curve of their balls. Or the hang of the balls. I like small orbs. And I always have. Yeah. It took me a really long time to learn what was going on inside the ball sack. Okay. Like I was like, so I know there's two, but I'm only seeing one thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. You didn't notice that they were hanging on either side of a frenulum? Is that a frenulum? What is that thing? It might be. Is that what that's called? The little ripples down the middle?

28:04Yeah. Is that a frenulum, Chance? Would you Google ball sack terminology? No, a frenulum? Can I say what it is? Can I be the one to say it? Sorry, just because I read Cosmo every day for 20 years as a child. Of course. So all I read as a kid, I didn't read Catcher in the Rye, none of that garbage. It was just like what to do to the frenulum. Yeah. Which is, by the way, Robert. Yeah, thank you. Where's my camera, by the way? None of these are recording at me. Any of them will work. That's annoying. But this one's probably close. One's probably best for you. Robert. Robert. bit so i believe the frenulum is the like part at the tip where it's like it has that slope and then on the other side that's the frenulum right i think that just so before chance says it i want to say and i'm willing to be wrong i think that you're wrong and i think the i think the frenulum is the little suture that kind of goes through the center the like ripple of skin that goes to the center of the ball sack and kind of creates the two sides of the ball sack.

29:04Am I right, Chance? I'm annoyed. I feel like that's right. Well, the answer is, so if you think of a male penis as a nose... Don't mind if I do. The head is a nose. The frenulum is like the nostrils. It's like that piece of skin that's like directly beneath the head. Oh. That's what Natalie said. Is that what you were saying? Yes. What is the seam on the ball sack called? The perineum? All I'm saying is scrotum. I don't know if there's a... No. Wait, wait, wait. I'm bored. either find it or don't there doesn't seem to be a word for that seam there's no chance wouldn't that be amazing would the medical community had no choice because I'm the first one to bring it up maybe the Huron do you think we could do something about that call the medical community it's Huron but don't worry I loved your take on it just knowing how things are going remember I knew the frenulum you did so good not that I would really know how to I'm sure you guys could work it in a way I couldn't pardon you heard me what'd you say you said that we could work the friend you know you couldn't know how to work it yeah I'm saying like even though I knew it I don't want you guys to get intimidated no I would never be intimidated I'm intimidated by you in many arenas but yeah not when it comes to like cock play and stuff I'm intimidated by you intellectually spiritually emotionally but when it comes to like servicing cock etc I don't have so much fear don't count her out I feel like her stand up is like I love her stand up like I feel like maybe she did better on me than that show but like then when we were doing cockplay like I feel like I was kind of better so it's like it kind of evens out it's just like evened out the industry has room for all of us that was like rude of me to even say as a joke there's room for all of us that you did better on a show that you did would never happen well people refuse to put us on a show together that's number one I know it's never happened so we don't even know who would rank where you guys won't invite me the only time you guys invited me to do your show was once in the back I went to the bar in like 2019.

30:55Oh yeah, and you came. And I came and I think I murdered and then you guys never had me back. Well, you said some pretty offensive stuff. Why don't you do that? We would love to have you back. I actually think we've had you. We've actually have asked you. And you've been busy doing your other projects. Movies. Yeah, you're booked and busy. TV shows. You know, books. Touring. Musicals. Opera. You guys know I'm shy. Writing. Stop. Projects. Engagements. I like to see you like that. me shy I get you know I get I get a lot of the auditions I get are for characters that are like so like a lot of every I feel like every audition I get is for a character who's like hey guy like it's very like you know what I mean it's very like they want me to play like like I'm just like like really looking for friends right now and like it's no big deal if not like very like sweet like oh boy almost dumb saccharine you know what I mean like so funny that's not your vibe do you like playing that oh I love playing that yeah it's not it's I don't think it's really my vibe but I think it's fun.

31:51You can finally relax and play. Play. That's why it's called playing. You get to be silly. Most people refer to acting as playing. It's play. Wait you were going to say something before oh what's the most important thing going on right now? What are you going to say is the most important thing going on right now and it can't be serious? So don't say like you know like immigration law or something. It's like no it can't be that kind of stuff. Not our place. Not our place to weigh in. Okay. What? Can you go first? You don't have anything? This being the thing that stumps you guys is crazy. it's like my honest answer is like random stuff going on with me yeah i'm like if it's not serious it's like okay i want to buy a tree for inside my apartment what kind a big tree i want a citrus bearing tree and i want it for inside my apartment now i have not been invited to your place systematically and i think it speaks to all three of our friendship what do you that'll be fun though now that you said you want to come over yeah do you want to come over sometime i do but what's How's the tree going to work in there?

32:48I have kind of tall ceilings. Not to brag, it just happens. Seriously, it just happened like that. My apartment is rent stabilized. An old hospital. In the old hospital. I live in an old hospital. It's haunted. I overlook the old morgue. Legitimately. Did you know that? Which is now a diner. That's beautiful. That's that diner? That's the diner. Is it Kellogg's? No, that'd be cool. I love Kellogg's. Me too. Actually, I shouldn't dox myself. They made it too slick, though. I already did. I know. Kellogg's, now there's someone with an iPad at the front. It's like, whoa. Things are completely different in there.

33:18Once an iPad enters the picture, a restaurant can be so ruined. And luckily, Kellogg's is still in the play. It's not ruined, but it's like when a girl with an iPad popped up at the front, I did say, whoa. Things felt different then. It's a harbinger of something. Yeah. Thank you. A girl with an iPad fundamentally changes every space. You can't have a girl with an iPad somewhere and not change the vibe of the space. So true. I would love to see what it's like to have an iPad someday. I'd love to see what it would be like to hold one and use one. I'm just curious what that would do to me. I want to wield power with one.

33:48Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, look, I mean, because it's cool to have a clipboard, right? But that, there's not so many opportunities. It's also dorky a little bit. It's dorky, yeah. Do you have an iPad? No, a clipboard. No. Yes. I want to have an iPad that has the hand sleeve on the back so you can hold it like this. I want to stand in front of a crowd of expectant others. Do you want to say no to us with an iPad? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys, okay, you guys come up. This is like a fancy restaurant that you're really hoping to get a table at. Yeah. Okay. Oh, my gosh. Thank you. Oh my god. Hi. Oh, it works too.

34:12Hi, one second. Sorry. Oh god, I'm changing things on the actual screen. Okay. That's fine. Hey, what can I help you with? We were hoping for a table for two. Hoping. We do more seating. As in you don't have a reservation. We don't have a reservation. No. It's my birthday. It's her birthday. It's your birthday. People usually make reservations for their birthday. I'm an Aries though.

34:38It's just two of you? Mm-hmm. Yeah, we love this place. Yeah, a lot of people do. You said you don't mind the bar. Sorry. Sorry. Hold on, I'm going to drop back in. You said you don't mind the bar.

35:00I could get you guys in at like, it's 7.15 now. 10.45, I could do two seats in the kitchen. If you want to give me a phone number. Yeah, it's like the best I can do. Yeah, I think we'll do that. That sounds fine. Just let us know if something opens up sooner than that. Yeah, that's fine. It'll probably be the 1045 seat in the kitchen. Yeah, that's fine. And it is one seat. That's good. Can we get a drink at the bar in the meantime? No, ma 'am. What's your name? Natalie. Natalie. N-A-T-A-L-I-E. L-I-E. Last name? Thank you so much. Oh, you can just do Rotter. R-O-T-T-E-R. Yeah, that's it. Okay, and phone number?

35:45That was fun. That was fun. That meant a lot to me. And also I'm glad that we worked something out. Yeah. I'm glad that it wasn't just no find somewhere else. It's like, okay, we'll make that work. And it opened up a different thing, which I don't feel like I've really gotten to share about myself yet, which is that when I'm logistically giving a last name and I only use Rotter. Yeah, I didn't know that, honestly. That was beautiful. It's like, who cares? But then you're like, is this going to be a thing later? Are they going to not be? You know what I mean? yeah yeah so like they see your ID they're like it doesn't match we can't serve you alcohol I just don't know so anyways so that was cool so you want your hands to be iPads I feel like is your thing kind of wait can I tell you guys something one time I was at a rental car place basically the back window had blown out of my rental car on the highway and I had to get a new one oh my god it was crazy but it was in like the middle of this like tiny little town in North Carolina the closest town to me that had an Avis and my friend had dropped me off over there and I had such a good report going with the counter lady we were like really vibing and I was like, God, I'm so sorry to bother you and she was like, oh honey, it's no bother.

36:43Oh, she's like smiling at me, we're having fun. I was like, look, I've got to get to the airport. I have a flight in Charlotte in like three hours and I don't know what I'm going to do but I can't miss this flight and I totally could have missed the flight. But we were, I was going home, you know. We were really vibing and then she was like, honey, I'm so sorry but every single car today is spoken for and people are coming to get them later and we were having such a vibe that I tried like a charm move. I did like a charm offensive and I was like I put my arm around her and I get her a little kiss on the cheek.

37:13No I was like I love this texture. I'm like I love this song. Do you want to dance? No I go I go I go she goes all the cars you're smoking for people are coming for them. I go hey listen it's just me and you those people aren't here yet. Why don't you take one of their cars and just give it to me and then when they get here you can just upset them and I'll have to the airport already and I bet neither of us will even get in trouble. And keep in mind we had been having so much fun. She goes, yeah I'm not doing that. And I went, no worries. For sure. No worries at all. You thought you were the cutest patootie on planet earth.

37:54I just thought like my dimples, and my, I just thought like, oh we're gonna, like she would consider it. I said no worries at all. She realized in that moment, oh you don't give a fuck about me. like she was like oh yeah this is all fun and games like you don't give a fuck about what happens to me I have another notch in your bed post you're some nice guy your window blew out the person who's coming could be the meanest fucking lady I've ever met in my life and you would be willing to put me in that position I'm proud of her honestly I am too she said it's all fun and games until Avis corporate comes down on me and you won't be here this is my fucking job by the way the thing she ended up doing for me she was like the best I can do honey is an hour and 15 minutes from here there is another Avis that has a 15 passenger van so if you can get over there keep in mind we're two hours from the airport so she wanted me to find a ride an hour and 15 minutes pick up a 15 passenger van to go the last 45 and I said I think I'll have my friend just take me to the airport you should drive a 15 passenger van it does sound fun as fuck I almost did it for the bit but then I was like I did ask her actually I was like if I go to that location will the van definitely be handed over to me and she goes we can't guarantee and I said I can't go for the chance the opportunity to get a van I'm willing to risk it yeah let's do it that's awesome just for the opportunity to maybe get a van I have such a contentious on and off me and Avis employees it can go either way we were just trying to chat up a car rental employee the other day remember that guy oh yeah it was cute we never talked about it but we were both I don't know why but yeah we were both trying to score basically with it we were literally both trying to get laid by this car rental guy cause he was we were like nice day he was like yeah this is a nice day we were like that's so true and then there was like those things that take the cars up and down and I was like do you ever ride on that and he was like no no but my friend did or what did he say?

40:00Yeah, he was like, no, but I've like operated it while my friend rode on it. We were like, you should do it sometime. He was like, maybe I will. That is also, by the way, such a straight guy response. No, my body actually did. Useless. Yeah, kind of, I did it for my friend. It's like, you're not him. Dude, I want to fuck you. Like, stop. I know. I'm like, don't be so beta. Like, you're the operator. Like, get in the thing. Get in the thing and ride the car machine up and down. Also, I'm like, where He that sounds like a fun loving guy Then connect me with this dude. Yeah, where's the friend but that was not our energy.

40:35We were like yeah No, it like that didn't even approach Our energy we were so we both got in the car like

40:45We're like we're on a little drive. I feel like I started chatting him up and you were like got it We're chatting him up and then you took what you do it. Yeah, actually I'm really sorry You interested in like gay guys or like lesbians Bisexual women. You want to watch us? Or what do you want? What do you want? Anything can be worked out. I just need you to say. We don't play those kind of games. Tell us what you want from us sexually. And then we'll just do that. Do you know how sometimes there's randomly like a German or like Swiss word for some crazy thing? Like you'll read on the internet.

41:15It'll be like, it'll be like, you know, the Germans have a word for when the wind hits you just right at the burger stand or whatever. And it's like a tarfin flub or whatever. they should have one of those words for the specific joy and horniness that is watching your friend kill a social interaction yeah totally watching your friend nail a social interaction they should have one of those words that's like they're diffed and flooped that's the joy and horniness of watching your friend murder with an employee be actually smooth and there should also be a word for watching your friend blow it with a stranger to be like oh haha how's your day and it's like silence you're like bro she hates you dude that sucks you bombed saying something they don't respond you say it again then they kind of maybe they didn't hear me and then it becomes clear that they didn't respond because they don't give a fuck wait guys I just had a memory can I share it to you?

42:09share it to us is that okay if I share it to you we decided that's fine I don't want to say what city because I don't know if either of them are listeners I was in a city recently I had messaged a guy on Tinder in the afternoon I checked Tinder when I got in and I had messaged this guy this is a while ago and I messaged this guy, we had flirted a little bit and he said, oh I'm going out with friends tonight I said, oh me too, I think we're going to this area maybe I'll see you out he goes, yeah maybe I go, cool then I'm out that night and I'm at, Chance do you remember this? we'll find out I'm out at the bar where we were going with a bunch of our friends it happened to be that anyway, I don't want to give details because anyway so I don't want to give identifying information but you'll know soon I think um we had that really great burger with that really off-putting person afterwards you know what I'm talking about so so I'm like that's not gonna give it away guys no well that person can know because they actually need to like be they need to figure some things out but they were like they were like a sex worker and they were like I feel like people are weird to me sometimes because I'm a sex worker I'm like we love sex workers you're annoying you know what I mean right that's tough I was at the bar and I met a guy at the bar and I started flirting with him and then we made out a little bit and then he was like, I have an early morning tomorrow I gotta go home.

43:23I was like, okay, flop. I mean, fun that we made out, but I was like, flop in terms of getting laid. Okay, flop. Okay, flop city, go home. You know, he was like, I'm gonna go home. I kind of have to go. Flop. Flop. Go home. Leave. Flop. Okay, you flopped. I'm putting you in the flop bin. Get it out of here. I kind of have to go home. Go. Oh, go. You're flopped. Don't want to hear it. Go back to your flop pad. Get the fuck out of here. La la la la la. La la la la la. Flop. Work's about to start. Yeah. Sun's coming up. Get out of here before you flop. Get your wrist on. Yeah. So, but then, like an hour later, so I go back and hang out with my friends.

43:56Hour later, I'm like about to go back to the hotel for the night. I'm kind of horny. So, I message guy number one from Tinder and I'm like, hey, where'd you guys end up tonight? And he's like, hey, we actually ended up at the bar that you were at and I did watch you make out with another guy. So, I was like, hey, just so you know. That was so not personal. Of course not. Trying to make a joke of it. And he was like, LOL, yeah, we kind of know each other. So maybe it would just be a little weird now. I was like, rock on. Wait, him and the guy know each other? Him and the guy know each other. Shut up.

44:27Small city, small gay scene. Small city. And I was like, rock on. I hope you have an amazing night, King. My main message to you is peace. Hey, it's this all day long from me to you. Peace, love, unity, respect. Peace, love, unity, respect. Am I also like That is like Okay so So you're So you don't want to Hook up with me After the guy The random guy Made out with me at the bar Like okay Why don't you walk over And punch him Like why don't you Bring back men Yeah Like bring back men It's also like That's But also like Imagine his life It's like Awesome gay guy Comes to town And then he finds you On Tinder And he's like And then he's Flitting with you And then he looks up At the bar Party on you Party on you Party on you He wanted to fight for me It's like men used to be men I bet you the two of them have a really fraught history.

45:14I bet you it's like there has been a long-term, unrequited, one-way, intense crush friendship that have only obliquely talked about. Or guy number one has lost out on past romantic partners to guy number two. Yes. Which is what I fear the most. They always go to guy number one. They always want him. They always want the mayor of fucking Flop City that I made out with briefly. no it sucks and you're like by the way I wouldn't have done the make out if I had known it was totally disqualifying for the other guy and that he was gonna flop that's why people have to tell you if they're gonna have sex with you right away when you meet them yes I totally agree yes disclose just disclose put it on the table by the way it's a no you're like great now I can make an informed decision for me how easy actually would life be if we all behaved that way I know it's too bad it's too bad and by the way you also when you're talking to someone so please please let me have this definitely when when you're talking to someone they should tell you that who you can't make out with if you know what i mean they should say hey if you see a guy's six three dark hair tonight at the bar don't make out with him if you want any chance with me yes exactly six three dark hair six three dark hair wow that was just an estimate he was tall though it was nice i mean making out at the bar is rarely ever a flop for me no that's so i'm honestly thinking that's just cool that you did that it's hardly ever that i even want more than that honestly i'm like making out making out The bar is so much hotter than hooking up.

46:37Hooking up is like base and I hate that I have to do it. Actually, like making out at the bar, you're like, I'm full of a vital energy and spirit. Joy to vie. Yeah, I'm like part of something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like life forces like coursing through me right now. I'm part of a deep history and community. Because also it is a little, it's like, oh yeah, people make out at a bar. When you see people make out at a bar, it's like, you notice. Yeah. Like it actually is. You're like, I'm being watched right now. Actually, there were people making out after our show in Boston the other night. Really?

46:59Yeah. Oh, yes. That's true. I walked out into the lobby. It was like I was like one of my cousins. Yeah. And they were I mean seemingly. By the way every time I've ever seen people make out in public. I've wished that it was happening to me as well. Of course. Every time I've been like I wish I was doing that. Making out in public is the most chic thing. It is. It's so chic. I need to get there. Sometimes when I see it I'm like. It's just. You know what's cool about it is like when you're doing it you're like I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Like you're like maybe this is weird. Yeah. I feel like. But you're like cool.

47:28Like I don't give a fuck if this is being weird if everybody's looking at me. I think it's awesome. It's awesome. I think it's so awesome I think kissing is such a black box Unless you're actively doing it For me Unless I'm actively kissing I can't remember what it's like So every time I do it It's like what? Which is cool And you're like how would I do that I know our mouths are open And they're touching and our tongues are involved But it's not only tongue But it's like what? It's not like teeth But where do the teeth go? I don't get it but I can do it perfectly but I don't know but it's complete like back of the spine knowledge yes cool yeah I think about kissing pretty much all the time it is a special thing to me that we do it's so cute and it's no reason right it's very sweet it's no reason I read that once what well they're just like why do we do this again and the scientists are like we don't know we don't know why we do it we like it we just like it because it couldn't be cuter because it's like little, we're sweet.

48:31But it also feels so good. We're like sweet little creatures. Do you ever give yourself a kiss on the shoulder? No. Let's try it right now. I do that sometimes. But I will. I'm going to do it now. What with the arm? Oh my God. That was really sweet. That was so sweet, I loved it. You can do that whenever you're going out or coming in or whatever. You can do that whenever. Yeah. Wait, do you know what? When you guys are talking, I'm like watching a tennis match. Yeah. There's a little in between. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Well, our tête -à-tête is like no other. It's so electric. It's a shame that you and I will never be Do you know what I mean?

49:00Do you know what I mean? I need to call Holmes You're playing the fuck out of me Do you want to hear something I think is so sweet? Yes I was in Kansas City recently And I was on a walk with my old gay guy friend And he's like 60 something Right, you have amazing intergenerational friendships I have been so blessed And we walked past a restaurant That's not a restaurant anymore And he goes, okay, back when this was Such and such restaurant when I was 20 I got hired there by an older gay guy who ran it it was a really busy restaurant it was like lying out the door every weekend I got hired there as a prep cook and I said oh were you like had you worked as a prep cook before and he goes honey no the guy wanted to get in my pants and he goes so basically my job I love getting my pants isn't that so it's like arcane let's bring that back too with getting laid and he kind of said in a dirty way it was like he said he wanted to fuck me he was like he wanted to get in my pants and it felt dirty to him it's so much dirtier because it's like you're going to shove the dead king of pants?

49:56King of pants, you're like, wow, that's really where all the stuff is. That is where all the things happen. It's actually totally visceral of an image. And he's like climbing in. Because it's an image. Yes. Fucking, you're like, that's so abstract. Fucking is an image as well. Fucking can't be an image. Come on. Tell me you see nothing. I wouldn't even start conjuring up anything for me right now. Fucking can evoke an image sometimes. But anyway, after the conversation, I was like, you have to send me a picture of you from this time period. I need to know what this guy was seeing. Yeah. And he did, and he was cute.

50:23Really? He emailed it to me. because he doesn't have a cell phone. And I emailed him back and I said, I would absolutely hire you as a prep cook in my kitchen. And it was cute. That's so cute. Isn't that sweet? I love that. I thought that was so sweet. I've been thinking about it a lot. It's like to be like when you're like, oh, this person looked hot at these different ages. And then it's like some of us are going to be so hot when we're older. It's like we don't even know where we're at right now on our hot journey. Yeah, our journey. We're right. Because some people, right, they really do actually peak at like 60.

50:53can happen just like relative where it's just like holy shit. Think about Bradley Cooper. Think about Bradley Cooper and his girlfriend. Yeah. Vanessa Hudgens. Vanessa Hudgens. I was distinctly unsexy when I was like 20. I was not sexy at all. Yeah same. Oh my god. It's only getting I'm like my thing is probably in the 40 area. I'm like working my way towards it. I mean I pray to motherfucking god that mine hasn't happened yet. You're both gonna be hot in 40s. I can feel it. I hope mine's like You're thinking 50, 60?

51:27I don't get that He's throwing it to the back of the room

51:33Way later That's beautiful I want to say something Go ahead We have a podcast So I'm promoting it on your podcast Uh oh What are you doing? We're promoting our podcast on your podcast I don't think you can do that without like an illegal agreement Or something before Well let's get the teams together Usually those kind of things happen at the end of the episode Do you want to do it right now Charlie? No No it's okay Go ahead I mean your plaque is like behind Your little thing is like That's you guys My brother's girlfriend made that What's beautiful Isn't it so sweet It's really beautiful And it sits there During all the episodes we do in New York You guys sit right there Oh my god So cute We've always had a presence on this podcast Your guys' energy is inherently and inextricably A part of everything that I do Charlie and Natalie are right there with me Lying ass bitch We get that all the time People often are like Caleb is he like ripping your stuff?

52:23No I'm trying to I'm protecting myself I'm building up a wall From Natalie Because he's flirting with you He's flirting That was really hurtful No Would you guys want to play a game? Yes Oh What's that? I was wondering what this was Guess what? Well if Charlie if you'd ever watch the show hun We have a segment called true or false I know Oh The segment The Brittany Broski episode I'm gonna I'm gonna read you 15 statements Okay You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think what I just said is true or false. If you get 10 or more correct, we're going to give you 50 US dollars. Holy shit.

52:58Oh my God. And we'll go each. We'll go each on this one. 50 each. Oh my God. I'm going to start with Charlie and then we're just going to go back and forth. Okay? You have to answer as quick as you can. Okay. Just true or false. Okay? Bamboo can grow up to 35 inches in one day. True. That is true. It's invasive. Don't plant it in your yards. I knew that. Don't plant it in your yards. It was in my friend Lauren's backyard when I was growing up. That should have been mine. like some dog millionaire style. The Pope is required to be an organ donor. No. False. They cannot be an organ donor. New Pope American.

53:25Yes. After water, coffee is the most consumed drink in the world. True. False. It's tea. No, it's tea. I knew it! False! The verified oldest man to ever live. Can I take it again? Yes, of course. The verified oldest man to ever live was 116 years old. No. True. Yale's mascot is Handsome Ron. No, false. False. It's Handsome Dan. Nice! I wish okay so that one wouldn't have switched anteaters have no teeth that's true Glenn Quagmire from Family Guy is an airplane pilot true true Jennifer Aniston is 5 '11 no she's shorter false she's 5 '5 the liver is the largest organ in the human body false false it's your skin a group of frogs is called a ribbing no ribbing is something you can do to someone false it's an army Chorus Leachman graduated from Columbia University Diversity.

54:18Oh, that's cute. True. False. Northwestern. Mine. Starfish don't have brains. They don't have brains. They don't. It's true. Carrots were the first food to be grown in space. They don't do that. That's not your question. You can't answer that one, Natalie. That's a distinctly Charlie question, please, if you don't mind. False. False. It was potatoes. Yes. Natalie McCrackney. I was right for the wrong reason. Exactly correct.

54:52The largest bowling alley in the world is in Japan. Yeah, that is true. The first iPhone to include Siri was the iPhone 4S. True. That is true. 12. 12. What were you going for? What? 10 or more. You had to get 10 or more. And this is the other thing. For every additional point you get above 10, Caleb throws in an extra$200. Do you know what you just did? What? Exactly. My little cousin. We were in the park. Charlie is like your little cousin, by the way. A little bit sometimes. Yes! We were in the park last weekend, and I told him if he could catch a football that I threw, that I would give him$100, and then I was throwing it so far, and I kept raising the price.

55:32We got to like$3 ,000. And then towards the end, he ran the ball back to me, and he was like, okay, there's new rules. This time, it's if I catch it, I get a hug. but if I get the ball from where it is and bring it back to you I get$3 ,000. And I said absolutely not. And then yeah we were arguing over the rules and it really cracked me up. It's funny. He's like no no no no. I'm not budging on this. He's like we're negotiating. He's like I'm in a huge opportunity moment right now and I'm not going to blow this. You should have seen the way. I forget sometimes that he's so on the spectrum that he like can't let shit go like that.

56:05So he was 10. And he was running after the ball in a way that was like brother you have to see the pattern here. You're never gonna catch this. I'm throwing it so far beyond you. But he did. He just kept being like, another one. And I was like, dude, it's like getting sad. I was like, buddy, it's been like three hours. First of all, I woke up the next day and my whole right side of my body hurt. Because I was chucking that fucking thing. Yeah, you must have been throwing it really far. Seriously. Be careful about the rotator cut stuff. Don't fucking play. Don't mess around. I did get a cute picture of us playing catch though.

56:35That's so cute. Don't worry, I'll show it to you later. And you will probably sell that picture for$3 ,000. I will. And he'll get Not a penny. I want to say something about this game. Excuse me. I'm on such a high from winning$50. You guys did really good. I feel like I'm a Billy on the Street. We're donating it. You are Billy on the Street. I feel like I'm a Billy on the Street recipient. You are Billy on the Street. I wish. He's so funny. Okay, this is what I want to say about this game. I feel like I don't know that many facts necessarily, but I've learned to understand the nature of a fun fact, or just a fact.

57:09and that is what allows me to win. Do you know what I mean? The largest bowling alley is in Japan. I'm like, okay, so obviously I don't know diddly squig about that. But I'm like, it's just too random. There's nothing tricky about it. Why would it not be Japan? I was just like, yeah. So that's my story. Thank you for dissecting that a little bit because you really did both. Both of you exhibited such a competence in that segment. Can we go through it and we can talk through our reasoning for each of them? Or does that fucking suck as an idea? No, I don't even think I want that. I think that's really boring for the listeners.

57:44But I think we should do it anyway, even though it's boring for the listeners. That's celebrity status. Well, let's do this. How about Patreon exclusive? Yeah. People pay$50 to listen to us going through our reasoning for the devoted fans. Guys, subscribe to the Patreon. I will be going through with Charlie and Natalie to go one by one their reasoning of why they answered how they did on the true or false. Each one we're like, I don't know, just a guess. Yeah. That one Oh the last two were true So this is false We just guessed that one too Yeah Right You said carrots in a way That I thought was kind of funny So that I said false Nice And that was right I do always wonder if my reads Are giving any hat tips Like when I'm reading it I'm like oh did I read that In a way that made it seem One way or the other Oh no You know You're very Yes I try to be measured Yes you're very measured You're like this You're like And when you say no You guys got it wrong It's so mean But when you say yes It's not that nice You are against us in the game It's us versus you You're like this A carrot is the first thing they planted in space It's a testament of how much I like you both That I actually wasn't being very tricky This time Sometimes people answer and I'll go are you sure And that really throws people That would have really been hard for me I know you would have struggled with that And I would have never put you through that Well you would have been fine but that's because you and I have a special connection Sorry I'm not allowed to play on my own show.

59:08And we and I wouldn't have been fine. Because I'm very vulnerable. Are you? Yeah. To what? To like mind tricks and things? Or like really? Very, very, very gullible. Do you guys find yourself susceptible to cult type of things?

59:26Oh, it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be that hard. The reason we're taking time is because we care about you and we care about the question. I'm not. You don't think? Listen, I'm very open. I'm seeking. I'm wanting a lot of advice and lifestyles. But I am really thinking about who is acting weird at all times. That's right. Natalie is. And I'm bringing it to everyone else. So I feel like that would stop me up in a cult way. If someone's being weird, you're not going to let it. Yeah, you're like. When we walked in here to the office today, I was like, Emma, can I talk to you for a second? And then I was like, why are they watching soccer?

1:00:03Like, what's going on? It's very affronting to see the men watching soccer. There's so many people here. What's going on? Emma's like, I'm not even recording with you today. I can't. She was like, I have a meeting. Oh, my God. I was like, I just feel like the vibe is so weird. Did everyone just eat lunch? It smells like food. She was like, yes. Who all was watching soccer? That was really intense. The head guy, Jake. It was like Jake mostly, right? Head. Gum. He's the head guy. He's the head guy. It was really, is it an important game or something? Chance, will you open that door for me briefly?

1:00:28No, I don't know. It's weird to me out. You know what? Bring him in. I just want to speak with him really quick. We did this to him on our podcast recently. Let's just ask. Jake, why are you guys watching soccer? Is there something important going on? There's something important going on to me. What is it? The semifinal of the Europa League tournament. The semifinal of the Europa League tournament. Shut the door. Shut the door. Shut the door. It was very upsetting. He's like European identifies. It's kind of gross. It's the semifinal of the Europa League. This is a thing that happens to soccer people.

1:00:54What about them? They become European identifies. Yes. No, but you should speak on that because you're on to something. Like they literally do. They're like, they are like, I, Bristol is important to me. And their team matters. Yes. That's just something that I really care about. I feel like that's kind of fucked up. Manchester is always something that's really spoken to me as an identity. Yes. Right. American guys who get into soccer, they start smoking cigarettes in a very gay way. They start walking with a swing in their hips. They transition to European in a very serious way. They have health care.

1:01:26It's nice. They do. They get healthcare immediately. It's one of the big draws of being an American soccer viewer. Yeah. Suck a dick. It's like one of the, and they kind of, it's like, yeah, they start drinking beers in a really weird early hour. Right, right. Yes, that's right. American soccer fans are terrified. No, that's so true. Like, you can have a beer at 11 a.m. if you're watching soccer. It's like, no, you can't. No, it's like fully the morning. Have some coffee and like eggs and stuff. Well, did you guys ever do kegs and eggs in college? Yes. I hated that idea. It pissed me off even in college.

1:01:55You know what? Really? For all of college, people would be like, we are going to get up at 7 a.m. and start drinking. And I was like, no fucking chance. No shot. Because I want to sleep the fuck in. Yeah. Not me. It took me so long to ever be like, if I'm not going to fail a class, I'm not waking up early ever. And then I would wake up and be like, where is everyone? Before the big game. I was like, you guys are already drunk? That could not have been me. First of all, that's what the nighttime is for. 6.30. What? Beep, beep, beep. Oh. That's a Coors Light Rise and grind You were doing that Or you were not doing that Of course The truth is You have to do What everyone is doing Exactly I don't want to miss anything You actually have to just like Follow the herd But you didn't No no And I learned my lesson See Now they're like Clapping really loud And also this is a workplace So it annoys me And if you're gonna have Gay podcasts Then it's like Be a little more like Accepting Amenable It's also like It's not just any gay podcast It's a very gay podcast And also to like Be a recording space and be like clapping out loud.

1:02:56Like the listeners might not know this, but they're clapping and screaming like banshees out there as if we're not doing. Because it is successfully soundproof. We're doing business in here. We're doing business in here. I heard it. No, I heard it too. It was completely distracting. And it disturbed my guests. And it's like, these are my guests. And by the way, he had his feet up on the table out there. I'm very sensitive. And I'm totally scared. I'm back in my shell. You should be. I don't feel comfortable speaking. Do you know Jake came into this office recently? Are you laughing about this?

1:03:17And I told him, what? I said he had his feet up on the table out there when he was watching, which is rude. and I know I have my feet up right now. But that's a different thing. But that's my performance for recording. I'm being the role of the kind of like. That's a character. That's a character setter. And by the way, you're a guest. Yeah, and by the way, I'm on They Watch. He's not. I need to be comfortable. You are on They Watch in a very serious way. Can I just say one thing? I wish you would. About the They Watch, which is so funny. Totally, and by the way, all I mean by that. No, I know it completely.

1:03:43That's not what I'm going to say. It's just like if the pants get any baggier. If the haircut gets any shorter. Well, this is what I want to say. Okay. when my older sister had a child oh i just remembered i'm not supposed to talk about her wait i'm not supposed to say her name okay so we're good she wants privacy boundaries boundaries boundaries having trouble with that okay when she had a baby during covid it was like are they gonna let people see the baby not it was like still early days not that early whatever you're in but they made a like a numeric system where you had to equal like five or more points to be able to see the kid and it was like a negative test hold on sorry i'm just getting upset five points right away yeah masking plus outdoors masking is like two points outdoors is one point you know what i mean you put it together that's the they watch there should be a numeric system because to seem to other people that you should be they them it's like and i'm talking about like the public yeah or whatever because you will just get they them depending and you're like so what is the point system that I put together today that tip the balance over?

1:04:47I'm wearing basketball shorts and a beret and I have like a visible tattoo and I'm holding a coffee. Exactly. I just want to say that the specific they watch that you're on, it's less about, it's like not like, it's not like, it is a point system for sure. I totally love that system and I love the way that that's how they did their baby. It's more an energy. I think you're so smart and advanced that I find you. But I would never, I'm not worried about you becoming they them. I'm thinking she they the whole way. She they, of course, obviously. I'm thinking she way the entire way. 100%. Yeah. I mean, I'm with you.

1:05:22And if you popped out with he him, I would be obviously so supportive, but terribly shocked. Of course. Well, by the way, if I was going to do that, I would call you. I would 100 % give you a heads up. You would not find out about that from online. 100%. Or you wouldn't get the clue for my clothes first. I was he they for a second. were you? in college yeah did you know that? doesn't surprise me but what I find even on some Google forms I was like let's just test it out on this Google form yeah and it was honestly more of like a political stance genuinely and more of like a cultural signification than it was although obviously it also was like an expression of something true to me as well yeah saying that to camera you can be the judge truly that's me like eating pussy yeah it was political but it was true to me it was true to me yeah for me in college it was i did it on a google form once i feel humiliated by how locked in i am on he him it's like humiliating in this day and age i'm like i does feel at least they don't you feel that i should but i don't feel that way no and to be honest like as much fun as we're having like i'm pretty sheer like in the sense that like it just is not like ob like my gender is more like something but it's like it just it's right now i like don't like it's not where i'm like, I need I do feel like the pronounosity is not like the one way to have gender variance.

1:06:42Honestly. Yeah. Like like that. It doesn't have to be. I mean, it's like an amazing tool, but it's not the only tool you have to like express or like think about your gender. Yeah. It's so fun, though. It's so fun. It's pronouns. Yeah. It's so cute. And gender. And like everyone is just like like humping and they're changing the way they look and they're humping other people that are changing. They're humping, they're changing, they're humping, that changes their humping. I think it's sweet. It is sweet. And sometimes when people say things about boys, I'm like, I do just relate. Like, I am competitive.

1:07:09I do love violence. No, it's like I love, like, legit. Like, I do love violence. I'm sorry. Don't fucking take my train. Like, that's my train. When a movie's about war, like, I'm simply watching. Oh, I love it. One of my favorite movies is Inglourious Bastards. It's okay. Are you for real? I didn't know that about you. It's just like, that's the kind of stuff that's like, that's a boy. And I feel very girl because, like, I've never seen any of those. and mine are all like Miss Congeniality, Lili Blonde. But I also love those, that's the gay. You're gay. That's the gay guy. You're a gay guy. I'm like, there has to be some kind of social niche for a person like you.

1:07:39Are you gay guy or are you a guy who's gay? No, I'm gay guy. Oh, he's a gay guy. I'm a guy who's gay. Whoa. I think. Don't you feel? You tricked me. It's football. Oh, football. And like Midwest. Saying that was like, my arm hurts. I can't do that. What's funny is with my family, which is mostly, on my dad's side, it's mostly boys, and they'll play football. I'm like, no. But then they'll play Frisbee and I'm like, yeah. You know what I mean? That completely tracks as an ideology. Well, they're also Jewish. No. Okay. No, stop. Stop it. I feel like you're... They're Jewish. Testing it out. They're Jewish.

1:08:17No. That's mom. Stop. That's fine. I was going to say, I feel like you're very gregarious. that can be guy sometimes guy first I'm loving by the way the dichotomy of Jewish gregarious I'm loving that the Jewish was like that's why they can play frisbee and not football but they play football I just don't do it do you know what I mean your family my dad said yeah they'll play football together and that's when I'm like it's actually just too straight for me to get in and that's why you're a guy who's gay and I'm like a gay guy but I can do sports with them I go on bike rides with them you know and I like to be athletic which is can be a gay guy totally gay guy but sometimes But with the football of it all, I'm like, this is just a sticking point for me.

1:08:58I just can't do it. Yeah. It's just too much. I'm like, I'm just too flouncy for me to really feel comfortable in it. You're a gay guy. I'm just, I'm like, I literally throw a football. I'm like, ah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's beautiful. Oh, fuck. Fuck. Oh, shit. Fuck, I threw it too short. Yeah, exactly. Do you think you're a gay girl or a girl who's gay? I think I'm a girl who's gay. Nice. Or what? I don't remember. Don't worry about it. But I am Natalie. Woo! You're so Natalie that it's crazy. Again, none of the camera's pointing at me. Wait, did you guys prepare a So True for you? I am needing stores to not anymore play music with lyrics in them.

1:09:36So what's really so true is, I am needing stores to not anymore play music with lyrics in them. It's like a lock in, that kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're going to hold on that. Because it confuses you? We're printing that out. Why? It confuses you. Because I get really overwhelmed and already being in a grocery store or something. it's distracting and there's so much great ambient and instrumental music but I'm in stores sometimes I'm going through a hard time occasionally and the stores are playing music it's like oh I miss you so bad whatever that's very distracting or the stores are playing loud music with lyrics and I'm trying to read the back of the bottle to understand what's going on with the bottle what's in the bottle?

1:10:17you name it sister you name it sister who knows any bottle I'm with you on this thank you thank you that's right it cost me nothing totally sucks no it's good what you did was a good so true it's your trepidation that's making it sort of slide off right because actually like what I had to do is be like direct to camera like this that I mean that yeah oh I do have a so true actually this episode okay great I'm gonna do another one I will go yours was really good thank you Kava the fact that I cannot order a Kava wrap ahead of time unless I am a loyalty member is fucking insane let me order a wrap I mean that is crazy well that's just like why are they trying to limit their sales I'm trying to buy food from you yeah right right I'm waiting in a 30 person line in midtown Manhattan it's an artificial scarcity thing for them yeah they're like we're gonna be a little more in demand we're gonna reject you arbitrarily no I don't want it's like you are not that in demand and you don't need to be like on reserve let me order a wrap let me order a wrap ahead of time so I can walk in and grab it it would also do you a favor you're overplaying Kava you're overplaying your hand you're playing cards you don't have I'm pissed you're not for gine wait I saw a really funny Trump clip today what was it?

1:11:25sorry I know I hate to say it he was talking about Pete Buttigieg and he goes this guy he doesn't know what he's talking about he rides his bicycle to work with his husband on the back which is a beautiful and loving relationship but he literally he literally said that and I was like he's a genius I'm sorry he's one of the funniest people alive I don't know what we're gonna do about it you know what I wanna show you that I know your work I love what you said about him being like he'd be such a good Joan Rivers. Thank you. That's so true. That's what he always wanted anyways. I know about stuff Caleb said.

1:11:58I like that. I have one. Say it. I'm going to do another. Thank you. Okay. Because I'm watching Summer House right now, which is a show about straight people, I'm learning something from them. Oh my God. That straight girls, they go into dating like war. And the people they're dating are not their friends. and they have their army of their little friends behind them. And they are ready for things to go south. And when they do, they're like, it's the anger of a thousand failed hookups comes out on the guy. I like that. And I think gay people could learn from that. You know what I mean? Instead of like a kind of kumbaya, like, hey, no worries.

1:12:40When you're dating. It's helpful to have a little bit of a fucking energy. I like the properness of it. That they're like, take me out on a date. and then the guy doesn't do it and it's like you're not getting my flower like i like that yeah that's cool i will say i just said on maybe maybe today's episode which will mean nothing in the context of when this comes out but i just said on a recent episode of this show that i don't i think people who tell themselves that they're watching reality tv anthropologically are fooling themselves you are the only person who i think i genuinely think you are one of the only people who is actually watching reality tv and learning anything from it i think you might be the only person and applying lenses to reality TV viewership.

1:13:17Everyone else is kind of like a fool who's kidding themselves. You're like one of the only ones. That's not all she's doing. You are watching it for fun, edification. Yes. Of course I enjoy it. For fun. But it enriches my life more than any relationship I've ever had. I've watched Real Housewives with Natalie and it's like she is pausing every four minutes to be like. So the thing with her is that she does that, she has this lack of self-awareness that makes it so that when she's in conflict she doesn't understand her tone. She pauses, she's like women make ourselves smaller. It's like yeah okay.

1:13:44I'm actually with you. I'm learning. I'm learning. Well, it's just fun on Housewives because there's no men on the show, actually. The men are just like little puppets that they put their hands up. So it's fun. It's like a world without men. Okay. Not you guys, obviously. Of course. No, no, no. I'd be in there. Here's my other one. You don't need to do another one. What? You don't need to do another one. But I want to. Okay, you're welcome to. This is my other one, which is, you know, I miss when in texting and in chatting and online chatting there was a clearer more defined state of when you were available and when you weren't and i want to be able to bring back g2g and brb because i find it really frustrating and difficult that you can be chatting with someone just like kind of dynamically and fluidly and then all of a sudden they drop off because they're understandably not able to be on their phones all the time but the way the language works is it's kind of assumed that you are just a little bit available and i think there should be clearer available and away message yeah actually we should have like an away message and available for like chatting.

1:14:40Yeah. Untexting because I find it so sometimes I'll throw in a beer B and people act like I'm crazy. It's well, when you do say not you, but like when one, if you like I've tried to do a thing where you're like, OK, like you're talking to someone and then you're like, OK, I got to go. They're like, fuck you. Yeah. You're so desperate. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Like comes off as a like, sorry, I know you kind of want to keep chatting. Yeah, I know. Anytime someone says that to me, it's like they'll be like, oh, I have to go. I'm like, I have to go to like I'm also having to go. You think I don't have to go.

1:15:08I'm literally in I'm about to start a Pilates class right now like what are you even talking about I'm going as well everyone's going that's the trend these days but it is still what I want and you can choose one of my so trues and you can vote on it text either 1 or 2 to 877 Caleb guys we have to finish the episode because we still have to do the bonus content so we've got bonus content to do so if anyone wants even more of this what have we been recording for an hour and 20 minutes yeah so if you guys want even more you can head over to the Patreon is there anything I want to plug obviously your podcast yeah let's plug Charlie and Natalie's podcast Exploration Live on the HeadGum Network where it's basically just like this except a little bit less Caleb a little sometimes when I come well you have invited me and I've come when I've been invited I keep being like why have you not come to my house I'm not invited to either of your homes but I've been invited on the podcast and I have come and I did your live show six years ago and that was beautiful to me ending like in a super tense place but I kind of like it no it's not tense to me at all these are just the facts I feel a deep love towards both of you even if whether or not it's reciprocal is obviously the jury's out but like I have a deep love for both of you and that'll never change we love Caleb's fans and audience and in the comments feel free to say hey y 'all if you made it this far yeah say hey y 'all do the hey y 'all challenge below are you gonna talk about sorry baby yes yes well basically I have a part small part in a movie that's coming out in the end of June I think that's okay to say right it's called sorry baby it's written directed starring my very close friend Ava Victor it's really good it honestly has so much buzz so it's honestly like yeah it's really cool the movie is amazing so you guys should go check it out I think it's like New York and LA and then onwards from there so coastal you all gotta show up the coasts have to show up for once I know you're probably busy with your gallery openings and what not but try to make some time Charlie and Natalie we love you thank you for doing this thank you so much that was a hate gum podcast