David Gborie & Langston Kerman are Mommy & Daddy

5:01Langston Kerman:And it was sexy at 6 a.m. That's fucked up. You can't be sexy at that time, I don't think.

5:07David Gborie:It's an unreasonable time. You shouldn't be. And I will say also, a lot of times there's a fear in the fat guy community that you will be discriminated against if you go to the sexy gym. it's actually way worse. You're going to be cheered on. And that shit hurts. I'll kill you. I'll fucking kill you. Keep it up, big man. I'm like, get the fuck off

5:26Langston Kerman:of me. Two more years of that.

5:32Langston Kerman:I'm like trying to say my stats as I'm lifting. I'm like, I have a wife. I'm a proud member of SAG-AFTRA. Some of us got our dick sucked already this morning. she's proud of me cause I don't that's what I don't like about buff guys is that little brother energy and it's like hey man I don't give a shit I'll bear hug you and jump down the stairs

5:59Caleb Hearon:dog

6:01Langston Kerman:I will find a way to make us equal why do you think I got funny why do you think I got fucking funny

6:07Caleb Hearon:now we're both in wheelchairs

6:09Langston Kerman:now what great traps

6:12Caleb Hearon:fucking asshole I will say my biggest fear in the gym is that I'm going to be doing a movement and then a stronger man is going to come over and tell me how to do that correctly. Of course. That brings me so much anxiety that I don't even fuck with certain stuff out of fear that somebody's going to make me do it better.

6:31Langston Kerman:Okay, because I was wondering why you did two rounds of cardio.

6:37Langston Kerman:He's in good shape.

6:38Caleb Hearon:Motherfucker, this is personal. I'm sorry. I was really sweaty You're putting trade secrets out I didn't realize this was gotcha media I thought this was a fun hang with friends I'm sorry

6:51Langston Kerman:I was the sweatiest guy in the gym

6:53David Gborie:Does that help? It totally helps And did you get any keep it up big man? Because keep it up big man is like

6:58Langston Kerman:I didn't even get eye contact in there Caleb that's how sexy they were And then I didn't tell you about this When I went to leave My fucking luck wasn't working Oh no So I was trying to do the combo to unlock the lock. And all these buff guys are just butt ass naked. I'm sweaty in my stupid shirt. On the lock, trying to get my Crocs out so I can drive home.

7:22Caleb Hearon:You can't even use locker. They don't respect you at all.

7:25Langston Kerman:I can't use locker. I was stronger than most of them, though.

7:28Caleb Hearon:No, I saw you. You were moving weight.

7:30Langston Kerman:I was really going nuts.

7:31Caleb Hearon:Yeah, 100%. That helps a lot.

7:32David Gborie:I got locked out of my locker. I got a full body MRI scan recently. Whoa. And I got locked out of my locker afterwards. And there was a woman standing next to me. I know for a fact you don't have to get naked under the gown. I know for a fact because I asked. Woman standing next to me while I'm struggling with the locker, I can't fucking get it. I'm all anxious because I've been in a tube for an hour and a half. I can't get the locker. She's standing next to me, legit, like, leaning on her dressing room door, full ass, butt naked under the gown. Wow. We got to get there, though.

7:59Langston Kerman:I'm trying to take that back. We got to get there.

8:01David Gborie:You just don't have to get naked under those things.

8:03Caleb Hearon:Are you not a naked person?

8:06David Gborie:I don't mind. I mean, I'm cool with naked. I'll get naked in the locker room or whatever. But I'm like, this is a hallway of a medical facility. This is not a private area. There are people coming in. She's butt-ass naked, older woman. And the only reason I knew is because at first she's leaning facing me. So I was like, oh, she's wearing the robe. She turns around to grab something, bends over full spread. Wow, she wanted you to see it. I don't think she wanted me. I think she was very in her power. I think that's cool. It was cool, but it was just annoying to me because I'm like, you're having a beautiful moment of transcendent self-empowerment.

8:38David Gborie:I'm locked out of my locker. Which is like,

8:41Langston Kerman:that's got to bring up all that middle school angst.

8:43David Gborie:Yeah, I've been in the tube for an hour and a half. Who knows what they found? They're not calling me back. I'm not kidding. Guys, I'm so anxious right now. I called them yesterday and said, hey, I haven't got my results yet. I think I should have them. She goes, yeah, I have them. I'm going to email them over. And then a nurse will be in touch. Didn't email them. No nurse in touch. So all I'm thinking is they're in the boardroom figuring out how to go about this. You got that new shit. Yeah, I got something new. You got some new shit. They're going to call me and go, you have everything.

9:10Caleb Hearon:And I'm scared. We've never seen this before, but they mixed all the sodas on you. Yeah. You're doing bad. They hit a couple.

9:17David Gborie:It's Ryan Coogler at the freestyle machine. I was getting involved with everything. I'm in trouble. I'm in big trouble.

9:24Caleb Hearon:No, if she were the hero she wants to be, she would have helped you get your locker open naked.

9:29Langston Kerman:How is she supposed to help him?

9:32Caleb Hearon:Don't be standing there posing. Stand up and pull Come over and help Yeah

9:36Langston Kerman:You guys are hating this free woman I don't like her I am a little bit I am a little bit That's gonna be me But when I get older The more I come into my body I'm gonna be naked more

9:46David Gborie:You're gonna be way more naked Yeah I think so You think so? You gonna be a naked old guy? Because naked old guy's a very particular type of old guy

9:52Langston Kerman:Yeah I'm pretty naked in my private life But it doesn't transfer public at all

9:56Caleb Hearon:Yeah

9:57Langston Kerman:You know what I'm saying? But like around the house and whatnot Yes

9:59Caleb Hearon:Even pool gym You're not

10:02Langston Kerman:I'm getting better at the pool because I've been swimming

10:04Caleb Hearon:Okay

10:04Langston Kerman:And gym, yes But not like I'd like to be Like when we went to the spa, that was a big day We went to the spa It sounds like we're going on dates It's just like we You guys are hanging out

10:19Caleb Hearon:And I've had a nice time

10:21Langston Kerman:We have been having a good time We went to Topgolf on Saturday night Y 'all hang out a lot Yeah That's beautiful

10:29Caleb Hearon:Yeah, no, we're not tired of each other yet No, it's crazy. It'll come. It'll happen.

10:33Langston Kerman:We had dinner with our wives the other night, and my wife was like, it's crazy you and Langston can still have stuff to talk about.

10:42Caleb Hearon:That is so fucking funny. Yeah, we're not curious about them at all. We just been talking to each other. Walking them out of it, yeah.

10:47David Gborie:No, no. We were just kind of telling each other about our weeks. We were just kind of going over Topgolf at the dinner.

10:55Langston Kerman:No, I didn't even talk to her about Topgolf.

10:59Caleb Hearon:No. I didn't bring it up, but that was because I wasn't, again, wasn't good at it. You were okay.

11:06Langston Kerman:You were not bad.

11:07Caleb Hearon:That bumped me out. You won two games.

11:08Langston Kerman:I won two games.

11:09Caleb Hearon:Yeah, but the way you won felt like you earned it, and the way I won felt like I got lucky.

11:17David Gborie:You're in your head, dog. Yeah, you're in your head on that one. I can feel that you're in your head. You guys are playing against each other? Because you have to. Is that how it is?

11:24Caleb Hearon:Topgolf is designed to be bullshit competition, because everybody is drunk and nobody knows what they're doing. Except for that one kid who was next to us.

11:34Langston Kerman:We were next to a young Latino prodigy.

11:41Langston Kerman:He was going so nuts.

11:43Caleb Hearon:He was hitting them boys to the Gulf of Mexico. Tigray Woods.

11:47David Gborie:Just the idea of everyone else drunk and this kid walking the fuck in.

11:50Caleb Hearon:No, literally, his drunk-ass parents, his drunk-ass mom was betting him, was being like, I'll bet you$20 you can't hit it over the fence. He'd be like, give me the money. And then, flop. Oh, damn. Over the fence.

12:04Langston Kerman:15. You know who couldn't hit was his supportive Cholo father. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That man, this is the first time he had held a golf club not crime-related, and it showed. He was so bad. And you could tell that he had his sunglasses on and top golf.

12:23Caleb Hearon:It's 10 p.m. It was so late. It was so late. He's hitting the balls, and they've been talking shit to each other the whole time. He's talking shit to people. The kid is talking shit to people. When the dad hits, nobody talks shit.

12:39David Gborie:Everyone goes, not too much. Relax, relax, relax.

12:42Langston Kerman:And the dad's hitting bad, like shanking straight in front of our shit. It's scaring us. Yeah, so bad. He's so bad at hitting. He's so bad, but he was strong. He looked scary.

12:52Caleb Hearon:He was a man. He was a man if ever there was one.

12:55David Gborie:Dude, Steve Hernandez has an incredible joke in his hour. I don't think it's come out yet, Steve's hour. But I was at the taping, and he was talking about how they were at a Dodgers game, and some guy was racist to them. And his dad turned around and punched him, hit him really fucking hard. And Steve's like, it was incredible for us. We were so excited. It was the first time we'd seen him hit someone that wasn't our mom. And I was like, Jesus, Steve. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's really, really doing that shit.

13:22Langston Kerman:That's really funny though It's a great joke

13:25Caleb Hearon:I love the jokes where We go, it's a great joke I don't know what's going to happen I have no idea the results of the audience's reaction But we all agree That is a well written I'm sad for your family, I'm sad for your mom

13:41Langston Kerman:But ultimately I'm going, that's a great joke Those are the bits we should all strive for

13:45Caleb Hearon:I think so

13:46Langston Kerman:Those are the bits I do in life I'd be sending shit out not knowing if it's going to land

13:50Caleb Hearon:The ones that scare you a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

13:53Langston Kerman:All the time in mixed company.

13:54David Gborie:Have you had one recently that you were scared wouldn't work out and it did?

13:58Langston Kerman:Oh, I feel vindicated because on our podcast I talked about having deli meat at the movies and people have really rallied behind me in some comments.

14:06David Gborie:You do what?

14:06Caleb Hearon:Yeah, thank you for asking a follow-up question. I was worried you were going to let that keep free flowing. No, I'm interested.

14:13Langston Kerman:Well, I'm a free man.

14:18Langston Kerman:First of all Let's start with my freedom

14:21Caleb Hearon:You're going to want to check the Emancipation Proclamation Because I am a free man

14:25Langston Kerman:Let's open it up and know that I can't be controlled Contained Boxed or bottled I sometimes take deli meat To the movies

14:35David Gborie:Okay so what kind How much Boar's head turkey ham I like the Cajun chicken

14:42Langston Kerman:but I go to the deli counter and I kind of do whatever I'm feeling in the moment.

14:47David Gborie:And then you're taking it in just in the boar's head baggie? No, separate baggie. Okay, separate baggie.

14:52Langston Kerman:He transfers it.

14:53Caleb Hearon:He's not unreasonable.

14:56Langston Kerman:Because I get it like two pounds at a time, I'm not taking two pounds of deli meat to see the Odyssey that's nuts.

15:02David Gborie:How many slices are you genuinely taking in there?

15:05Langston Kerman:It's more of a loose grab. I get it deli sliced, but once it's in the pack...

15:11David Gborie:The chicken especially.

15:13Caleb Hearon:You're eyeballing the amount of deli meat you're bringing in

15:16David Gborie:You can't even get it in slices when you're trying to make a sandwich with the chicken You just have to grab it in hunks I know what you mean, so what are you grabbing, half a pound?

15:23Langston Kerman:No! Come on, man! I'm asking! I'd say for a long movie, the last time was Spider-Man I was probably five ounces Five to six ounces, I'd say

15:35David Gborie:And you're just out of the bag, straight to the mouth? Yes No cheese cracker, anything like that?

15:40Caleb Hearon:And that's the troubling part for me

15:42Langston Kerman:That's why everybody's so mad

15:44Caleb Hearon:I've got no issue with deli meat in the movie theater I'll bring bullshit in the movie theater

15:48Langston Kerman:You do have an issue with deli meat in the movie theater You very clearly do

15:50Caleb Hearon:It's the exclusivity of the deli meat I want you to have something else Why? Explain to me why Propriety Respect for others

16:01Langston Kerman:I think he's right Crackers is respect Crackers is class

16:07Caleb Hearon:Crackers is class We've all agreed on that. That's what a charcuterie board is.

16:11David Gborie:You bring pad thai to the movies and you're giving him shit?

16:15Caleb Hearon:I've brought a full meal.

16:18David Gborie:Oh, Langston, I'm not on your team. Thank you.

16:22Langston Kerman:Thank you. I brought a full meal. What's so true to me, Langston's a psychopath. That's so much crazier, and you make me try to feel bad for Daily Me.

16:33David Gborie:That's crazy.

16:34Langston Kerman:I'm saying.

16:35David Gborie:That's crazy. That's actually way crazier than Lunch Meat, and I'm not kidding.

16:38Caleb Hearon:I don't agree. I think that now movie theaters have become dining experiences. We have had full meals at movie theaters. I'm just bringing them full meal on my own. They serve like chicken tenders. It's like finger food.

16:54David Gborie:That's what I'm saying. And I'm saying we can elevate this experience.

16:56Langston Kerman:There's not a Michelin star at AMC.

17:00David Gborie:Yet. That is completely fair.

17:03Langston Kerman:That is fair. Yet. What I'm saying is that Thai food versus deli meat. Deli meat is a lower lift. It's quieter. It's less messy. The smell is less. I think that he is vilifying me, and I don't think it's fair. I'm at villainizing.

17:20David Gborie:And I actually have a note for the Thai community as well.

17:23Caleb Hearon:Oh, ambitious. We've all been waiting for white guy notes on the Thai community. We've been waiting, and it's time. This feels like one of those Steve Hernandez bits. Yeah. A little dangerous.

17:35David Gborie:I want to speak to the Thai community. Here's what I want to say. I'm a massive enjoyer of your food. I'm in your restaurants all the time. Thai people, I'm in your restaurants. Ask any Thai restaurant in America if I've been in there. You're going to have a pretty high hit rate.

17:49Caleb Hearon:The picture's on the wall and it is signed. I have been in the Thai restaurants.

17:54David Gborie:I think that allows me to speak on what I'm about to speak on. When we're putting shrimp in a noodle dish or a curry, go ahead and take that tail off for me.

18:03Caleb Hearon:I like what you're saying.

18:04David Gborie:the fuck am I meant to do? It's going to kill you to take the tail off. Just slice it before you, because now I'm grabbing into the curry and yeah, you can take a fork and knife and you can cut it off. I know. I'm in too much for curry.

18:16Caleb Hearon:Let's not make concessions here. You're absolutely right. Take the tails off. Take the goddamn tails off. You think you leaving that tail on is making me believe in the authenticity of this meal. I already believed in it. That's why I came. Take that fucking tail off. I believed in you the whole time. Chop the tail.

18:33Langston Kerman:Because you're only saving us this much meat, right? That's right. I'm only getting this much extra meat. Because, like, you know what I mean? When you kind of twist it and pull it. If you do that wiggle, you can get that little bit out. You can get that little bit out. You can get that little extra. But how much protein is that?

18:45Caleb Hearon:I don't give a fuck.

18:46Langston Kerman:Give me that little extra. I'm tracking macros.

18:48David Gborie:But you know what you could do is when it's raw, you just squeeze it so that that little extra piece comes out. I can actually still get that meat. That's a good point. And I'm asking you. And this isn't just Thai folks, really. That's just where I end up the most. This applies to all people.

18:59Langston Kerman:I was going to say that. I think don't even just put it on Thai. I think across the globe.

19:03David Gborie:I'm realizing that this is mostly, I address this to the Thai community because that's where I eat all the time. Right. I'm really never not at Thai, but I'm guessing maybe there's Italian restaurants that do the same thing.

19:12Langston Kerman:Oh, allow me to pick up the ball you just passed and say steakhouse community.

19:16David Gborie:Steakhouse community as well.

19:18Langston Kerman:They're putting tail on shrimp in the pastas. They think it's so cute to put it on a skewer. It's garlic herb with the tail.

19:24Caleb Hearon:Yeah. Here's what they're doing, and I know this is true. when you cook shrimp, if you take the tail off, they get smaller faster. Yeah. So they leave the tail on to make them stay fucking plump and shit. They're patting the stats. They're patting the stats. But you have the ability to take that off before you serve it to me. Post-cook, pre-serve. Come on. There's a window. And also, how much?

19:45Langston Kerman:Before you hand it off, take that tail off. Also, corporate America, why are we so greedy? Just give me one more littler shrimp. Yeah.

19:52David Gborie:Just give me one more smaller shrimp. Well, this is what Chinese restaurants, Chinese takeout restaurants innately understand. They'll give you 100 small shrimps and they have no qualms about it. Yeah. Guess what? Not a tail in sight on the small ones. No. Yeah. I'm into that.

20:06Caleb Hearon:I was shocked when I found out that shrimp could be as big as they are because I was exclusively getting them out of Chinese food restaurants.

20:13Langston Kerman:Yeah, shrimp get big, dog.

20:14Caleb Hearon:Shrimp are fucking huge. Yeah, it's kind of scary. I thought they were like little itty bitty motherfuckers. No, man.

20:18David Gborie:Them things. They get big. They can be even like this. Way bigger. Way bigger. This guy doesn't know how big shrimp can be. Way bigger, David.

20:25Langston Kerman:A walnut's like that big.

20:27David Gborie:No, they're way bigger than that. Also, dude, there's shrimps that get it. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Like the long ones?

20:32Langston Kerman:Tiger shrimp? Is that what they're called? I don't like it when they got the legs on there.

20:35Caleb Hearon:Yeah, that's a bummer. Legs head on?

20:38David Gborie:Here's what I'll tell you. If you're a restaurant that's serving head, tail, legs, and skin on shrimp, you are not interested in serving shrimp. No. I'm not doing all that.

20:47Langston Kerman:Yeah. It's also, but they know what they're doing. Like, you ever get a boil, and then you get down to the bottom of the boil, So that's like a pound of shrimp carcass. Yeah. Like you charged me for that. They're patting the stats. This is weight.

20:58Caleb Hearon:100%. Yeah. It's like when they do bone-in chicken wings.

21:01Langston Kerman:We should do an ethical boil. We should start an ethical boil restaurant.

21:04Caleb Hearon:Oh. I'm actually very interested in that. Yeah, it's a good idea. True measurement of the meat and not the shells and shit. We count.

21:11Langston Kerman:We don't even put the other stuff in. We measure your seafood. Then we boil. Add the potatoes and sausage.

21:18David Gborie:Yeah. Let's go. There's no water weight.

21:20Langston Kerman:No water weight.

21:20David Gborie:And that corn's coming off the cob, by the way. Yeah. Because the cob is weighing shit down.

21:24Langston Kerman:A cob is two pounds.

21:25David Gborie:It's mostly cob.

21:26Langston Kerman:It's all cob.

21:27David Gborie:And they're giving you a lot of cob. Cob is fucking trash, dog. You can't even do anything with that.

21:32Caleb Hearon:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

21:32David Gborie:I don't like it at all. It's all cob that's running the scale up.

21:34Langston Kerman:Yeah, yeah. No, that's the equivalent of putting baby laxative in your cocaine. Yeah.

21:41Caleb Hearon:That's what cob is. I do really like the idea of you all being defiant at the register. I'm going to be honest with you. There's a lot of cob in it. That's all cob. That's all cob.

21:50Langston Kerman:I don't even buy food by the weight no more, really. No. Yeah, isn't that sad? Same with like, yeah, man. We've lost our way. It's fucked. Same with yogurt. There's a yogurt spot by my house, and it's like, oh, yeah, you greet me. You're very nice. You say hi to the dog or whatever, but you're charging me too much for these toppings.

22:07Caleb Hearon:Yeah, no, the shenanigans with the yogurt spots are intense.

22:11Langston Kerman:And I don't even believe you're making money. I think it's a front.

22:13Caleb Hearon:Oh, you don't think any yogurt spots are making money?

22:16Langston Kerman:How much yogurt does anybody sell in a day?

22:19David Gborie:That's a great question. Prime location? You talk of Menchie's on a good corner?

22:23Langston Kerman:But before Menchie's, it was Pinkberry. There's always been a Menchie's. I don't think it's a lot of money in yogurt.

22:29Caleb Hearon:You don't think so? You think this is the same vibes as mattress companies?

22:33Langston Kerman:I think it's the exact same thing as mattress companies.

22:35Caleb Hearon:Something's going on at mattress companies.

22:37David Gborie:Yeah. And frozen yogurt shops. I think they're in cahoots. Dude, when I moved to New York, I went to a mattress store in... What the fuck is that? Like, Atlantic. Brooklyn, Atlantic, Terminal, that area. Yeah. Like, the Atlantic Mall or whatever. I went in there. I said, hey, I need a mattress for my guest room. I am not going to spend more than$500 on this. It needs to be a queen. I said, I'm not spending more than$500 on the guest mattress. When I eventually get a new mattress, I'll put mine in there. Mine's very nice. For now, it's going to be that. And he goes, cheapest one we got is$1 ,400.

23:05David Gborie:It's really nice. I go, all right, well, I'm not spending that, so have a good day. He goes, hold on, hold on, hold on. What if I can get it down to$600? I go,$500 is my budget. He goes, I'll give it to you for$500. That's not so insane. You're not running a business. No. I should have walked out of there with auto mattress.

23:22Caleb Hearon:You're just saying shit. 300 % price height.

23:26David Gborie:It was like$1 ,400 is best I can do. But if you need five, yeah. Five. I don't like that.

23:31Langston Kerman:It's like buying meat in a foreign market. Yeah. Have you ever been? I haven't done it.

23:36Caleb Hearon:We got him. We got him. We got him, folks. I don't even know what he means like that. He called me a psychopath, but guess what? Bigot. Bigot. He hates foreign markets. I'm not a bigot. He hates foreign markets.

23:46Langston Kerman:This is the King Jimmy Market in Sierra Leone, West Africa, Freetown. They just say numbers, and then you say numbers, and then you walk away with some fish.

23:54David Gborie:Self-hating. I've never been to a -

23:55Langston Kerman:I'm not self-hating. I'm not self-hating. I'm thrifty. Yo, you really be trying to get on me for being thrifty. We were talking on the phone yesterday, and I was in Smart and Final. Yeah. And I was like, oh, that's a good deal on Gatorade. And he was like, we got to get this guy to the suburbs. Because I spotted a good deal. Yeah. No, I'm like you in that way. Yeah, because I spotted a good deal.

24:19Caleb Hearon:It wasn't the spotting of good deals.

24:21Langston Kerman:He's post-economic. He doesn't know the price of anything.

24:23Caleb Hearon:It was the exclaiming on the phone that was more troubling for me.

24:27Langston Kerman:Oh, I can't share what I'm going through with my friends. I can't be excited about my life with my buddy. I can't talk to my friends.

24:32Caleb Hearon:We were in the middle of a business conversation. He'd be like, whoa, half off on Gatorade. And it just wasn't. $199 for a 32 ounce. It's a great deal.

24:43Langston Kerman:It's a great deal. Did you grow up poor, Langston?

24:45Caleb Hearon:He did and he forgot. I grew up in a very complicated situation where half the week I was poor and half the week I was not yeah that's complicated so I always had money in my mind but then would have time where I didn't

25:04David Gborie:I've always got money in my mind as well I'll tell you that the grind never stops I've never slept a day in my life one thing I love about doing business with you guys is when we were figuring out my mama told me coming to

25:16Caleb Hearon:And boy, are we grateful for that, by the way. I'm so glad we did that. We did that.

25:21Langston Kerman:It changed a lot for us. I was just saying I got a couple extra greater aids yesterday.

25:27David Gborie:I was surprised to see they sent me the press release, and you guys had commented first, and then they asked if I wanted to add a comment. And your guys' remark in the press release was that it didn't really make sense that we were friends. And that hurt. I'm not going to lie to you. That stung. That's how you read it? I read that on my Google Pixel, and I said, wow. Wow, these guys don't think it makes sense. They were friends. I think it makes perfect sense. And I thought that was great brand placement.

25:51Caleb Hearon:Excellent. They're not going to notice it at all at home. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

25:55Langston Kerman:Let me check the time on my Apple. Oh, no.

25:58David Gborie:I checked my Google Pixel 10 Pro. No, they actually offered us. Can we get some of those since we're on the team now? Yeah, you can have one. I'll get you a Google Pixel if you want one. No problem.

26:08Caleb Hearon:Do you really want a Google Pixel? I want some free shit. Fuck yeah.

26:12David Gborie:I'm a Google Pixel user. I'm on green text, dude. You believe in it. Yeah. I was surprised when we green texted. It's because people leave me alone more. I like that. And I like that. I get put on less group texts. Whoa. A lot of people from my past that really, some of them shouldn't be reaching out. Some of them should. I love people from my past. But some people who shouldn't be reaching out are texting mutual friends and then going, I think Caleb changed his phone number. That's good that you think that. That's for the best.

26:35Caleb Hearon:The presumption is somebody with money always has an Apple product, and therefore the fact that you don't means that you are not yourself. Something has changed.

26:44David Gborie:And we're talking, like, when I say that, I'm talking, like, person I was in one study group with freshman year of college. I've had this phone number since I was in sixth grade. Wow. So there are people reaching out sometimes that I'm like, you don't really have any business reaching out to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's for the best if you think I change my number.

27:00Langston Kerman:No, you got to switch that shit. I've had, I've probably had seven phone numbers as an adult. Really?

27:06Caleb Hearon:Wow. I'm on the same shit. Yeah. Really? I haven't changed my phone number since I was a kid.

27:10Langston Kerman:That shows me a level of stability in your life that maybe I didn't have. Yeah. The one thing my mom made sure of. I've had so many phone numbers. Damn. I used to wait. When it was Metro PCS, I just wouldn't pay the bill anymore. And then you would pay the bill back, and they'd have already given away your number. Sorry, brother.

27:32Caleb Hearon:We had other plans for that number. We actually didn't think we were going to hear from you again.

27:36Langston Kerman:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we already ported your shit. It's some guy selling weed in Oakland now. and then you're getting like wrong text messages all the time I've had so many because I don't like to be contacted either I really don't love it

27:48David Gborie:it gets to be too much it's Instagram, email, phone call, text message it starts to be and there's a version of it that's like oh it's beautiful that I have so many people in my life but it gets to be too much where it's like people are reaching out for stupid crazy bullshit that I'm like you gotta leave me alone all my day is correspondence Yeah Responding to shit

28:08Langston Kerman:You don't respond to the right things Speaking of which Hey could I put in a sandwich order for this? I did not respond to that

28:13David Gborie:A sandwich order for today? Yeah Have we ordered yet? Is it too late?

28:16Langston Kerman:Let's do another order Fuck! No what do you want? It's not too late It's not too late Can I get the roast beef as well? Thank you No of course we'll get you a sandwich That was one I realized I didn't You just in this moment I was like No I brought it up in the car But then I was like in my head about it And I was like it's too late You can always ask And Langston didn't help He was just like Ha ha ha you fool

28:38David Gborie:Michelle loves helping other people She doesn't love doing anything for me But she would love to get you a sandwich That's probably healthy though, right?

28:45Caleb Hearon:That's actually the way it's supposed to be

28:46Langston Kerman:You guys have a fun thing, I can feel it

28:50Caleb Hearon:No, she loves that energy

28:51David Gborie:Yeah, yeah, yeah Oh shit Talk shit on me on your huge podcast, that's awesome

28:59Caleb Hearon:No, yeah, don't give me a microphone Don't allow me to defend myself

29:02David Gborie:No, but this actually brings up a good point which I was going to say earlier, which is doing business with you two is very interesting because it's kind of like, do you know how when you have your friends with a couple and there's a correspondent partner and then a shows up partner? Yeah.

29:16Langston Kerman:Ooh, this is going to hurt. No.

29:17David Gborie:It's not intended to hurt. Langston hits that fucking phone. Yeah. Langston does hit that phone. David pops in just at the key moments and I picked up on that. But here's the thing.

29:28Langston Kerman:Behind the scenes, it is constant communication. I felt that. He's a better face for this thing that we got. I felt it. He's a much better face.

29:36David Gborie:I would say something, and then there would be a break where I was like, they are conferring, and then Langston would say, that sounds good to us. And I would say, they talk. He's so eloquent.

29:46Langston Kerman:He types so fast. He's coming from us.

29:49Caleb Hearon:Someone has described our relationship as I am the mommy and he is the daddy. Who did that? I don't want to talk about it.

30:01Langston Kerman:It's not important. That means it was somebody close to you.

30:05Caleb Hearon:I said, you shut up, woman.

30:09Langston Kerman:Yeah.

30:10Caleb Hearon:You're always saying that. It was his son.

30:15David Gborie:You shut up, woman, to your son.

30:17Caleb Hearon:It's the only way I can take the power back.

30:20Langston Kerman:That sucks. It must have hurt you because, yeah, you never told me that until just now.

30:25Caleb Hearon:No, yeah, it stung really bad, and I'm sorry I got vulnerable.

30:28Langston Kerman:That's so fucking funny. But we are on the same page, though. Yeah. Much like a relationship should be. But it's just, you are so much better. I feel like when I try to respond to things, it comes off clunky.

30:41Caleb Hearon:I think you're in your head. Okay. You're in your head on that one. That's my top goal. I also know that I'm quick on the draw, so I don't mind being the person.

30:50David Gborie:I will say, when we had Keeping Records, my first podcast way back with Shelby Wolstein, Shelby was the communicator. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It would be like something from whoever, and Shelby would be the first one to be like, Hey, Caleb. She was on it. And I was like, thank God for her. Is that not your natural instinct?

31:08Caleb Hearon:Because you're juggling so many people, is that where you stop wanting to respond quickly? Or is it your natural instinct?

31:15David Gborie:No, I'm a responder. I do a lot of things. I'd say I'm mostly, I err more on the side of doing things myself than I do asking for help, but I'm getting better and better. I'm getting better and better at asking for help, I think. I think. I'm looking. I'm checking. He says to his associates, both with no microphone,

31:32Langston Kerman:Yeah.

31:33David Gborie:No, there's a microphone over there. Chance gets one. Oh, Chance gets one.

31:36Caleb Hearon:Chance laughed but did not affirm, and that is troubling.

31:41David Gborie:Am I getting better at asking for help, or am I still annoying and I do things my own, and I do them badly, and then everyone gets annoyed with me? You're the most perfect man on God's earth. See, but then sometimes you get that. I tried to get my managers yesterday to tell me a moment that I had been a diva on an episode in a funny way, and they were like, I mean, you're great. And I was like, whoa. Yeah, man. Whoa.

32:01Langston Kerman:You've been in show business. What did you think was going to happen?

32:03David Gborie:I didn't think that was my setup. I will say they called back two minutes later and they found one. So that was a nice balance.

32:10Caleb Hearon:Okay, so they did come up with something.

32:12David Gborie:They came up with something, but they had to get off the phone and kind of figure out what was safe to say. That's the thing. That's what it was. Because they all had a thing immediately in their head.

32:21Caleb Hearon:They knew exactly what it was the second you asked the question, but then they had to confer with each other to make sure that it was okay to say the thing that popped in their head.

32:30Langston Kerman:I mean, I will say within this business relationship that we've all entered in now, I want some of that. I don't have any diva, I don't think. You want to be a diva? We don't have much of it. No, there's not a lot of diva behavior. Thank you for no water bottles.

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36:57David Gborie:Wait, so you guys want to start taking up some diva?

37:00Caleb Hearon:I think we need to start taking up a little more space. I want to talk down to a few people.

37:07Langston Kerman:Somebody, man. We can arrange that. Somebody. It's just the dog right now, and that's getting fucked up. You can start with Chance, honestly. If you ever need to talk down to somebody. We already hugged to meet. Yes. We opened it up to her. I'm bound. I would be a good person. You know that. Come on. She's in the back. Nicole's a ride or die.

37:24Caleb Hearon:But Nicole has been doing such beautiful work for us. We'd be fools to build a bridge with her. That's the problem.

37:31David Gborie:We're really in bed in a way that's... It stinks. If you guys are in with Nicole, that sucks. I don't know who you could talk down to because it's going to need to be somebody who works with you. Otherwise, you're talking down to a stranger and that doesn't...

37:43Langston Kerman:I've been doing that more since I started driving in traffic and stuff like that. I'm talking down to strangers.

37:47Caleb Hearon:You're doing it passenger side too. Okay, yes.

37:54David Gborie:All right, all right, good note.

37:57Caleb Hearon:I would say in this relationship, I do most of the driving. He does do all the driving, yeah. And if somebody walks in front of the car, David will roll down the passenger window and be like, boom, boom. Very confrontational in a way that I'm not ready for, but he's here.

38:18Langston Kerman:Not if somebody, there's been a transgression. I'm not just doing it. No, they got something wrong. I will boo people out of the car.

38:26David Gborie:In Kansas City in particular, the drivers there are so, Kansas City is becoming, first of all, it's a lot of drivers from the suburbs or the country. And they come in and are unfamiliar with how to behave in an urban place. Like a city that has different things going on, like pedestrians and cyclists. And Kansas City is getting more and more pedestrian lanes and bicycle lanes and stuff, which is awesome. I spend a lot of my time driving in Kansas City I'm stopped for a it'll be a busy street where people go 40, 45 miles an hour and then there'll be a crosswalk and a pedestrian trying to cross I stop at the fucking thing it's not a stoplight but it's the crossing cars zipping through there just like would hit a single mother with a fucking I'm laying on my horn for like full minutes just being like do you see this like woman trying to like and they just can't they're like they're looking at me going and I'm like what do you mean that's a human being I get so pissed off.

39:18David Gborie:I'm like, we need to be a real place. Is KC pedestrian heavy? No, that's the thing, but it's getting more and more as it gets denser and denser. And we have this street car that started to, we have a free street car. Oh, that's fun. And so people are using public transit and bicycles more and more there. I have a question being from Denver. Tell me.

39:36Langston Kerman:Do people hate bicyclists in Kansas City? Yes, and it's so fucking stupid. Dog, in Denver, that's a personality. Yeah, hating cyclists. They hate people.

39:44Caleb Hearon:Oh, hating a cyclist is a personality.

39:47Langston Kerman:They hate the culture. Yeah. It's like that. Because I got into bicycling the last time I was living in Denver. Yeah. And yeah, they don't like you. They don't like it at all.

39:55David Gborie:Holy shit.

39:56Langston Kerman:It's like being a motorcycler.

39:58David Gborie:Yeah. Well. How it used to be. I'm, fuck the motorcycle people. That's where I'm at. Oh, really? These motherfuckers, especially in LA, they are splitting lanes going so fast. And then they have the fucking audacity to be like, watch out for motorcyclists. Bitch, you watch out for you. Yeah. Stop doing that shit.

40:14Caleb Hearon:And here's the thing. Internationally, they're splitting lanes, but there's so many motorcycles everywhere that you just know to be ready for a motorcyclist. Are you talking about Asia? Yeah. But even like I went to Greece and they're like always in the middle lanes and shit.

40:29Langston Kerman:Oh, I feel like Greek people love a motorcycle.

40:31Caleb Hearon:They love the motorcycles out there. That's their shit. More than Tzatziki, I would say. They're all motorcycles.

40:38David Gborie:They're not really splitting lanes at 90 miles an hour, though. But that's the thing.

40:40Caleb Hearon:They're going at a reasonable pace, and they are constant. So I know they're coming. Out here, it's a motorcycle splitting lanes every, like, 10 minutes. Yeah. So I'm not even prepared for you like that. And now suddenly I got to not kill this man. He comes zooming by on his. Yeah. And you're going 90.

40:57David Gborie:You're going, like, 80. You're going so fast on this thing. Yeah. I'm like, it's crazy. They drive me nuts.

41:03Caleb Hearon:You ever had a motorcyclist scold you? Oh, yeah. When they're splitting legs and then they get mad at you because you weren't over enough or started to go and didn't see them type shit? Yeah.

41:15David Gborie:I've had one stop and bang on the hood.

41:17Caleb Hearon:It's nuts.

41:17David Gborie:Really? And I didn't even roll my window and I was just like, get the fuck out of here. I just literally did this. I was like, I'm not going to fight with you on your motorcycle. Now you're standing still in a highway. Go. I'm in a car. I'm in a car. You're wearing a helmet. I'm not going to go. I'm more successful than you. Yeah, yeah, that's what it is. I got a whole vehicle. That's what it is. I'm a man. I'm a man. You should be scared of my car. You're in the Air Force. Not people who make bicycles.

41:43David Gborie:I'm just kidding. What branch of the military do you guys think you'd be in if you were in the military?

41:46Langston Kerman:The Air Force. You think so? What's the scariest, cattiest one? You think so? I always heard that the Air Force was more like you use your brain to get out of things. Oh, yeah. That would be. Yeah. I don't want. I don't think I'd be a Marine. That's for sure. I don't think you'd be a Marine. I appreciate that, I guess. And I don't want that for you. No, no, no. I think Air Force or Navy is probably where I'd end up.

42:10David Gborie:I prefer you in the Air Force. Yeah. I like that for you.

42:12Caleb Hearon:Yeah, I think in my heart of hearts, I wish I could be a Marine. But I think ultimately, not in real life, I think that shit's awful. But not a fan.

42:28Caleb Hearon:Not exactly rooting for what we got going on.

42:31David Gborie:I don't love the missions we're going on, actually. I'm not a big supporter of what we do with that.

42:36Caleb Hearon:Let's see what Steel Team 1 is up to. 1? I don't know. We've seen what 6 is doing, and I don't care if it'll work.

42:43Langston Kerman:You're like, let's, because 1 is better than 6. 1 might be better. Okay.

42:46Caleb Hearon:Point being, I think I'd probably end up in Navy. That feels more accurate.

42:50David Gborie:I think you guys, I'm just in this moment thinking you guys would be so sick in a war movie. As like guys in the trenches together?

42:57Langston Kerman:It would have to be a war movie, but it would have to be during a time that they instituted the draft. Right. I don't think anybody would believe that we both willingly signed up for a tour. Signed up. But it would be me and you in a kitchen like, damn, I miss Kansas City. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a girl back home? Yeah.

43:18David Gborie:A little picture in your helmet. Yeah. You guys would be sick in a war movie. Wow, she's a beaut.

43:28David Gborie:Bullets flying

43:35Langston Kerman:I would actually love that

43:38David Gborie:If anyone out there is a screenwriter Yeah Please Write a script for these guys to be war buddies And I'd love to be in there if I could But I understand mostly about them

43:44Langston Kerman:We could all work in a kitchen Or a galley I think I could be a small role

43:48David Gborie:I could be a small role

43:49Langston Kerman:Okay

43:49David Gborie:It'll mostly be about you guys And they'll just maybe throw me in as like You know the dumb guy off to the side.

43:55Caleb Hearon:You're handing in that memo to the general that then clears us from being court martial. Yeah, I do want to interject.

44:03Langston Kerman:I don't think you could play a dumb guy. Yes, I could. I don't think so. David. This is a compliment. I can't. Say a dumb guy thing right now. You're blowing it.

44:20David Gborie:Almost totally the way a dumb guy says something.

44:22Langston Kerman:Not the way that you did it. Not the way that you did it.

44:25Caleb Hearon:Yeah. You can see your eyes searching for information. Yeah.

44:30Langston Kerman:There's so much thought. There's so much thought behind it.

44:34David Gborie:You said dumb guy.

44:35Caleb Hearon:If they went cross, then we would have known you were in character. If you said, oh.

44:41David Gborie:I can play a dumb guy, David. You say a dumb guy thing. Fucking. It's like, you say a dumb guy thing.

44:50Langston Kerman:I think the Pats are going to win.

44:53David Gborie:that's really funny that's really funny but you're not a dumb guy that was pretty good I want to be a dumb guy

44:59Langston Kerman:I cosplay dumb though

45:00David Gborie:I hit a pretty sweet lick in some of the in Chicago right at the end of me being in Chicago I got to play the dumb white guy in a lot of like diversity showcase sketches that was fun

45:12Langston Kerman:yeah I think that I think that black women are so talented they can make anybody look like the dumb guy that's actually true that's like the easiest place to do it

45:21David Gborie:yeah that's the dumbest I ever looked at. Okay. That actually really does push up against my narrative a little bit that I was a good actor. No. Maybe I was just part of a good company.

45:32Caleb Hearon:Fuck. Maybe Tisha was carrying the whole thing.

45:39David Gborie:Fuck. Okay. Okay. Let's cut for a little bit. We'll come back after lunch. This has been really, really informative. Do a lap.

45:45Langston Kerman:Everybody do a lap. Edit out the whole dumb guy thing. Just cut back into me saying the Pats are going to win.

45:50Caleb Hearon:I think you can play a dumb guy.

45:52Langston Kerman:I don't think either of you could play dumb.

45:55Caleb Hearon:I think I would struggle with it, but I think it is all possible if you are handed the right circumstances. It's the right flavor of dumb. I don't think we give enough credit to how dumb you can be while also being articulate.

46:10Langston Kerman:Now it just feels like you're campaigning for yourself.

46:12Caleb Hearon:I'm a dumb guy.

46:13David Gborie:You're not a dumb guy.

46:14Caleb Hearon:I'm a not smart guy more than you realize.

46:18David Gborie:You guys are brilliant, charming, lovely people. Both of you. Have you ever huffed paint?

46:24Langston Kerman:Have you? Yes. And oven cleaner. I could play a dumb guy. You were huffing oven cleaner? Give me some paint. Yeah. Why were you huffing oven cleaner? Because it was a snowstorm, Caleb.

46:37Caleb Hearon:You're being unreasonable. You're asking the wrong question.

46:41David Gborie:That's on me. That's 100 % on me.

46:44Caleb Hearon:Hey, if you want this show to work, you're going to have to ask better questions.

46:47David Gborie:This show does not work, first of all. The So True podcast does not work. It's a miracle that people listen to this garbage. I can't believe it. Every week we put on an episode, I go, people are listening to this?

47:01Caleb Hearon:We feel the same.

47:02David Gborie:Yeah, you think we feel different?

47:03Caleb Hearon:Almost every time we're like, I can't believe that this is even getting a little bit of traction.

47:08David Gborie:How did you guys start the show? Frankson started the show.

47:11Caleb Hearon:I started it in the pandemic, as we all did with podcasts, the desperate and alone. and assuming comedy will never come back but but ultimately it was just um black conspiracy theories and conspiracy theory in general is my favorite thing and so like it it just became like a great uh fun premise but i was doing it alone and it did not work it was like truly a a you're sitting down with a stranger and i'm a silly billy so i'll talk about conspiracy all day but i don't mean any of it and then i'm talking to grown-ups who are either taking it very seriously or or not at all and i don't know how to manage that behavior and it wasn't until he came on that i think it really uh figured itself out yeah i see that yeah i'd say that i see that a home needs a dad it can't just be mom who said this who said dogs somebody fucked you up

48:17Langston Kerman:Somebody fucked you up, boom. And I feel like we ought to just talk about it to get past it.

48:21Caleb Hearon:A home needs a dad, they said. Who said this?

48:25David Gborie:I can't get over who said this. It's so scary to think about who said this. It's like there's no way the answer would be anywhere near as scary as just everyone I meet for the rest of my life could be the person who said this. They walk among us. Anyone could be the person who said this.

48:47Caleb Hearon:It's like that movie Fallen.

48:49David Gborie:It's so scary to think of who said this.

48:52Caleb Hearon:They're all demons.

48:53Langston Kerman:How long ago was it that they said it?

48:55Caleb Hearon:It was fairly recent.

48:56Langston Kerman:I could tell.

48:57Caleb Hearon:It's sitting at the front of my mind.

48:58Langston Kerman:We talk a lot and you've never said anything about it.

49:00Caleb Hearon:And I wasn't going to bring it up ever.

49:02Langston Kerman:And I don't feel like it's an accurate assessment of our relationship. No? What do you feel like it misses?

49:11Langston Kerman:I feel like, because I'm checking my spreadsheet, it's hitting all the numbers. I feel like you're trying to drag me into deep waters to drown me right now, and I don't appreciate it. What is a mess? How does it not get right? I don't think that I have the daddy energy. I don't think people are looking at a relationship like, David pays all the bills. I don't think anybody pays it.

49:33Caleb Hearon:I think you're assuming a very specific version of mommy-daddy relationship. That's fair. That maybe you got to unpack.

49:40Langston Kerman:Oh, maybe I'm outdated.

49:42Caleb Hearon:Maybe daddy doesn't have to pay all the bills. My mommy paid all the bills. Same. Yeah. Same.

49:48David Gborie:That's interesting, though. Your mom paid all the bills, and yet you said that it was dad that would pay all the bills. That's interesting. I wonder why.

49:55Langston Kerman:Well, there was not a dad to pay the bills. Say that. Okay. I assume had there been one. Touche. I assume that's what daddy's do. Hold on. Good point.

50:05David Gborie:Okay. Three guys with moms who paid all the bills being like, so a dad. Yeah. Let's talk to us about what dads do. So if a dad were around, I guess What would you pay the bills? Yeah

50:19Langston Kerman:A gay guy, a poetry major, and a soft boy Let's talk Let's really get into that dad shit

50:25Caleb Hearon:Yep, the Manosphere just got bigger, folks Yeah Got three new contestants in the Manosphere games

50:38David Gborie:Oh shit, that is so funny

50:40Caleb Hearon:Apple Pay is the simple, secure, and fast way to pay. That's because your credit or debit card is right on your iPhone. Accepted at millions of places, from big box stores to boutiques, you can check out with your iPhone anywhere contactless payments are accepted. Apple Pay is more secure than a physical card because you authenticate your purchases with Face ID before you pay, and your actual card number is never shared with merchants. Add your debit or credit card to Apple Wallet to check out in seconds. Simple. Secure. Fast. That's Apple Pay. Terms apply.

51:11David Gborie:Langston, you told me not to have kids recently.

51:19Langston Kerman:You've been having a rough week.

51:22Caleb Hearon:I don't remember saying it, but it does sound like me.

51:25David Gborie:I was like, I don't even remember how it came up. I was talking about like, I don't know, wanting kids or something or how beautiful it is to have kids. And you think you were on vacation and you're like, there's not a moment of fucking peace. all it is is just parenting somewhere else that's what vacation is now

51:41Caleb Hearon:I do remember we were in Greece and you were saying how beautiful the vacation sounded and then I said my children go to bed at 8pm and therefore I have to go to bed at 8pm and in that way I will never know a vacation ever again

51:57Langston Kerman:and I don't recommend it you don't ever sound rested when you come home from vacation I'm not

52:04Caleb Hearon:no I'm not I'm not.

52:06Langston Kerman:I remember when you guys came back from Hawaii. I was like, oh, man. And you were like, it's just.

52:10Caleb Hearon:Yeah, no, I'm keeping people from drowning for eight hours of my day. It's not rest. That's crazy. It's anxiety. But they're having a blast. And in that way, I go, I did it. I did everything I was supposed to do. You did, because your family does seem so happy. They're so happy. They're so happy. That's all I need.

52:30Langston Kerman:Yeah, man.

52:31Caleb Hearon:That is my pleasure is that they're happy and sure I'm going to write nasty things about them. I'm going to say nasty things about them on podcasts. That's the only freedom I have. Because otherwise I serve them.

52:43David Gborie:If that's what it is, that's not going to work for me. If parenthood is that their joy is enough, that woman has to find a different way to do it or skip it altogether because that one's not going to work for me personally. That's not my idea of how it'll go.

53:00Caleb Hearon:And so in that way, I was giving you great advice from me. But maybe somebody else is going to do this better than I am. From the heart.

53:07Langston Kerman:But he also loves it. So it's like interesting. It's weird.

53:10Caleb Hearon:Yeah. No, I really like them. They're good people.

53:13Langston Kerman:Are you going to do it?

53:14David Gborie:You going to be a dad? Yeah, probably. You think so? Okay. Yeah. I see that. You're going to be a dad. I like that. I think I'm more worried about the dad stuff. I like packing.

53:25Langston Kerman:You like what? I like packing and stuff.

53:26Caleb Hearon:I think he's going to be like a... He goes to the beach with a cooler. He brought shrimp cocktail to the beach.

53:34David Gborie:Did you? Yeah. You said you like packing, so you're worried about being a dad?

53:38Langston Kerman:I don't know if I'm... No, I'm not worried. I think that I almost have stolen valor with being a dad, where I like all the stuff, but with no kids. Not in a weird way, but just like... You know what I mean? I got what you mean. You're good at dad tasks. Yeah, yeah. He brought a kite.

53:55David Gborie:And it was great, right? It was a great kite. It was so much fun. I tried to find a kite the other day. I was having a park hang with my friends, and I was like, we do need a kite.

54:03Langston Kerman:Caleb, get you a kite.

54:05Caleb Hearon:It's pretty cool.

54:06Langston Kerman:I was in Big Five the other day. They got all kinds of stuff. Yeah. They got lugs in there.

54:11Caleb Hearon:The boot? Yeah. Are you familiar with lugs? I know lugs. Okay. Yeah. I wasn't sure how much lugs had made it into the white community.

54:19Langston Kerman:That's a good question. Okay. It seems like a certain type of white guy who was wearing lugs for sure.

54:24Caleb Hearon:I knew white guys that wore Tim's, but white guys that wore lugs, they seemed like they'd be terrifying.

54:30David Gborie:Yeah. White guys who wore Tim's scared the shit out of me in high school. As they should have. They were fighting on the Votek bus, crazy style.

54:36Langston Kerman:They went to Votek for sure. They were raining punches. He's about to make 100K a year welding after this is over.

54:43David Gborie:I was going to Votek for home ec, minding my business. I remember Denver.

54:49Langston Kerman:Yo, what a name. That is the name of a guy who would beat your fucking ass.

54:54David Gborie:Denver, I didn't want to get in a fight because I didn't want to be in trouble, but Denver, white guy in Tim's and a South Pole jacket. Oh, no. He would walk past me, minding my business. He'd go, what are you looking at, pussy? And I'd be like, Denver, go away. He always wanted to fight somebody. It was crazy. I was like, Denver, I know you have a challenging home life, but get the fuck away. He has to. He did. It was fucked up.

55:13Caleb Hearon:Were you bigger than everybody else even in high school? What did you say? You're a tall person. you're a tall person

55:25Caleb Hearon:this is so scary for me one more time folks what a pickle I've gotten myself into freeze frame probably wondering

55:35David Gborie:wondering how I got here so you were bigger than everyone in the building including the adults right Caleb you're big as hell tell us more yeah more tales from your big ass life

55:48Langston Kerman:My life is a house

55:53Langston Kerman:I had to get that one in

55:54David Gborie:Yeah that was beautiful Yeah I was bigger than everyone

55:57Caleb Hearon:So did that keep them from wanting to fight you?

56:00David Gborie:He never really fought me He always wanted to pick a fight with somebody But he never actually swung on me I don't know who would have won He was scrappy and had a way worse life than me I don't know what he's up to these days

56:10Langston Kerman:Those are two huge factors

56:13David Gborie:Scrappiness and having nothing to lose

56:14Langston Kerman:In winning a fight I have things to lose and I'm not particularly scrappy If you're fighting Don't fight guys who are outside a lot I say that too You know what I mean If he seems like he's just fighting to keep warm Skip it Get out of there This is his second fight this week

56:34Caleb Hearon:You gotta move on Outside guys are scary scary guys I think that's how Shia LaBeouf Has really been able to Maneuver as like this version of himself.

56:46Langston Kerman:You think he's outside a lot?

56:47Caleb Hearon:He's just outside a lot, so we can't tell if he can fight or not. That's a good point.

56:51David Gborie:He's also pulling his shorts up a lot, which is a... It's so confident, it's scary. When a guy is acting crazy and he starts pulling his shorts up, do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Exactly what you're saying.

57:01Caleb Hearon:Yeah.

57:02David Gborie:Exactly that. Oh, I actually don't want to fight. Exactly like that.

57:04Caleb Hearon:If you adjust your clothes at all, I assume you know what you're doing. Yeah, you're getting ready to do something you know about. You don't want this in your way.

57:10Langston Kerman:I've false flagged a pants pull-up before. Yeah. Like to see more confident like I wanted to fight How'd it go? I didn't fight Nice Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah It was at Public House This wasn't nearly as long ago as it should have been Yeah

57:27David Gborie:I false flagged a pants pull up To get out of a fight is so fucking funny

57:32Langston Kerman:You knew you weren't going to win this fight No, I knew I didn't want to fight Because I never want to fight, ever

57:39Caleb Hearon:No, that's real

57:40Langston Kerman:But sometimes you just let enough shit slide every now and again and you're like, all right, I got to stand on this one. Yeah, that's very real. I got to go to bed tonight. Yeah.

57:47David Gborie:Damn. You're more of a lover, really, I think.

57:50Langston Kerman:Yeah, I think so, for sure. I think so.

57:53David Gborie:100%. Three lovers. This is a three lovers episode. Lovers.

57:55Langston Kerman:This is the three lovers. This is a three lovers. Lovers lounge.

57:58David Gborie:This is a three lovers episode. I'm not really a fighter. Lovers and daddies. Lovers and daddies. Some of us like it. Some of us don't. Who said it? Who said it? I come back to it. I continue to wonder from a journalistic point of view, who said it? And we're never going to know.

58:14Langston Kerman:That's the great part.

58:14David Gborie:Who fucking said it? If it doesn't come out over sandwiches after we press stop on this record, I'm killing myself. You need to know who said it.

58:25Caleb Hearon:I want to say it was Mandel. It feels like something Mandel said to me.

58:30Langston Kerman:That feels like a cold take Mandel would have.

58:31Caleb Hearon:Yeah, Mandel says stuff. That's not great.

58:33Langston Kerman:I don't know him.

58:34Caleb Hearon:You don't know Mandel?

58:35David Gborie:Really? We've got to get you guys in a room together. Well, I've seen him. He's very funny. Yeah. I don't know him personally. None of us do.

58:43Caleb Hearon:You what? None of us do. No. That's the beauty of Mandel is that he is almost like a cryptid. Yeah. He's sort of like strange lore that lives behind the whole aesthetic. Yeah. Yeah, he's wonderful. I love him.

59:00Langston Kerman:He's like a tall tale.

59:01Caleb Hearon:Yeah, exactly.

59:02Langston Kerman:He's our Paul Bunyan. I was about to say he's Paul Bunyan. Yeah.

59:05David Gborie:Yeah, he's got a big blue ox somewhere. Yeah. Running around. Damn. That's a fun way to be described. See, any kind of mystery or anybody who gets described as like, no one really knows what that guy's thinking, I'll never have that. You don't think so? Yeah, you're such an open book. All I've ever done is talk completely honestly about the way I feel. I've ruined any chance at mystery. That's right.

59:31Langston Kerman:Have you ever noticed mysterious people, whenever you get too close, it is usually a letdown. For sure. There's so many people I've been like, oh, you hear so much about this person. and you're like, they're so interesting. And then you talk to him and you're like, oh, I think this is just a person who doesn't say a lot. And is handsome. It's like an attractive person who doesn't say a lot. Yeah. It's shrouded in mystery.

59:51Caleb Hearon:But then you look at how long Johnny Depp thrived and you go, well, that was worth it. Yeah, we did not want to hear him talk. Because otherwise you find out he's had booboo on his chest the whole time. Yeah. This wasn't the first time somebody shit in his bed. Yeah. This is just the first time we're hearing of it. That's true. You know what I mean?

1:00:08David Gborie:Previously, the emperor's shit was invisible. and came into Vision and we said, we don't like seeing that shit on your chest.

1:00:15Langston Kerman:I sort of think the hotter you are, the less you should talk.

1:00:19David Gborie:Is that complicated? That's actually really, really compelling.

1:00:24David Gborie:In a very, I'm not kidding way, I like that as a rule.

1:00:27Caleb Hearon:I think so. I don't disagree with it.

1:00:29Langston Kerman:Yeah, it's like, you know, you're only going to disappoint us.

1:00:33Caleb Hearon:Yeah, it's all a let down.

1:00:35David Gborie:Yeah, I didn't have a choice. I had to start talking at a very young age.

1:00:39Langston Kerman:I've been blabbing since I came out.

1:00:42David Gborie:The only reason I talk so much is because I had to start controlling the narrative.

1:00:46Langston Kerman:From a very young age. I know what you think this is.

1:00:50David Gborie:I was fat and gay in Missouri. Trust, I was getting my message out first.

1:00:54Caleb Hearon:Folks, you're going to hear some nasty rumors about me.

1:00:57David Gborie:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:00:57Caleb Hearon:Some things are going to come out. I want to get ahead of it now. I was my own Olivia Pope.

1:01:01David Gborie:First of all, I'm not gay. That's called school spirit. Let's start there. I'm setting the parameters of the discussion.

1:01:11Caleb Hearon:I'm actually the person who looks the most like the president. Yeah, so, but now, I really, yeah, I started talking so quick.

1:01:19David Gborie:I remember getting in trouble for talking in school all the time, and I was like, well, you guys are being boring as fuck. I'm not allowed to talk, but you're being boring. School is boring. Teachers are so boring. Teachers are boring. I'm sorry, I respect teachers, but the teachers, I had a lot of them. I had some good ones, but a lot of them would give us, like, stupid little bullshit assignments that took me, like, three minutes, and then it'd be like 17 minutes of accompanied silence after I was done. I'm like, I can't. This is torture.

1:01:42Caleb Hearon:Well, the problem is, as a former teacher, and I will stand up for us a little bit, you are the only one finishing that fast. Right. And everybody else really needs that full 17 minutes, and I don't know what the fuck to do with you. It took me all day to put these worksheets together. Damn. Just chill, bro. What you should have done is talk with me.

1:02:04David Gborie:Maybe they're all still working on it. You and I go chit-chat. That's right. Me and the teacher. That's fair.

1:02:09Langston Kerman:Mr. Kerman tells you about Grease. Mr. Kerman tells me about Grease. Tell me about your trip. You ever heard of Grease? Tell me about some things that are going on. You're more talented than the rest of these kids. You could go to Grease.

1:02:19Caleb Hearon:And I go, no, because I make a teacher's salary, I certainly will only go to Grease once I become a comedian and escape this.

1:02:26Langston Kerman:Damn.

1:02:26Caleb Hearon:I have nothing to talk to the child about.

1:02:28Langston Kerman:None of your life adornments were when you were teaching.

1:02:31Caleb Hearon:Bro, I was riding the train and drinking Kraken. Man, that sucks.

1:02:36Langston Kerman:It sucks that... You see what we do in this country? Our teachers have to drink rum. Yeah, I was drinking rum. Gimmick rum.

1:02:45David Gborie:Make the rum as black as can be. Our teachers have to ride the train. They have nothing to talk to their kids about.

1:02:50Caleb Hearon:Yeah. Have you ever had Kraken? You shouldn't, but if you have, we could talk about it.

1:02:56Langston Kerman:Do you think you would have been... Do you think if teaching paid really well, do you think you would have ever become a comedian?

1:03:03Caleb Hearon:if you could have got the same money yeah i wasn't i wasn't fulfilled okay yeah i know i knew from the beginning i was like these kids i'm not gonna be permanent in their in their lives this is damn this is me figuring it out but i want to i want to have as much impact well you're such a hard

1:03:23Langston Kerman:while i'm here yeah i wasn't imagine while you were in it you were i wasn't being a piece of

1:03:28Caleb Hearon:shit. I was giving them my all, but the whole time I was like, I gotta get out of this.

1:03:33Langston Kerman:I remember one time...

1:03:34David Gborie:That's how I felt when I joined the Air Force. It took me one millisecond. There was a split second where I was like, David was in the Air Force. Allow me to process that for a second. Okay.

1:03:46Caleb Hearon:Paint cleaner, Air Force.

1:03:47David Gborie:I remember one time we got in trouble. We were being too talkative one day and one of our teachers, it was like fifth grade, she was like, you know what? after class today, we're all running wind sprints. What? She was like, we're going to run wind sprints. She was like that? She said that, and as soon as she said it, I turned to the kid next to me, and I was like, we're not doing that. I was like, we're not running wind sprints. And the whole day, she kept being like, no, keep it up. Do whatever you want. Act however you want, because we're running wind sprints. And then she took us out to the playground and was like, run.

1:04:16David Gborie:She's like, get in a line. And then she had a whistle. And she was like, start running. And I didn't run. Whoa, you were powerful. She was like, run. I was like, you're not the gym teacher. I remember saying, you're not the gym teacher. I was like, that's what the gym teacher does.

1:04:29Caleb Hearon:That's where you drew the line.

1:04:30David Gborie:I was like, gym teacher can tell us to run. You're not that bitch. Yeah. And she was like, do you want to go to the principal's office? And I was like, and she sent me to the principal's office, and I didn't get in trouble. Wow. Which was the start of this whole evil empire.

1:04:41Langston Kerman:I would have been so scared of you as a kid.

1:04:43David Gborie:I just was like, that doesn't make sense.

1:04:45Langston Kerman:The level of power that you just talked about wielding. God. It was laziness. I think you're a daddy. Hey.

1:04:53Caleb Hearon:I will say you were the scariest type of kid that I ever faced.

1:04:59David Gborie:The kid who doesn't buy into the program? Yeah. It wasn't good.

1:05:02Caleb Hearon:The kid who doesn't know that there are other rules. Do you know what I mean? Or that knows that there are other rules that I have to abide by? That's dangerous.

1:05:11David Gborie:The kid who knows that you have a boss? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:05:15Caleb Hearon:It's actually not chill to just make kids run and you can't do that? Crazy.

1:05:19David Gborie:Actually still crazy of her. It is really crazy. I think also in her defense, whatever, I'm sure she was having a really bad day. But I think the issue with me and a lot of teachers was I was doing a lot of stuff for myself at home from a very young age. So I was like, why are you treating me like an idiot? I do so much of my day by myself. And now I'm in trouble with you because I talk a little bit. Keep in mind, I'm making myself dinner tonight. You know what I mean? There was a disconnect where I was like, you're treating me like I'm an idiot. And I'm actually like, it bothered me.

1:05:48Langston Kerman:Wow. Wow, you took a lot more, you drew a lot more power from being a latchkey kid than I did. I never thought about it that way.

1:05:58Caleb Hearon:I know, I didn't think of it as a powerful tool in my arsenal.

1:06:02Langston Kerman:I was embarrassed. Yeah.

1:06:07Caleb Hearon:So that was a source of shame for me. I wore, we had, our back door had a skeleton key. It like literally was just an old enough door that a skeleton key was, And so I wore my key around my neck. Of course. And it was like, yeah, but that's how I got in my home. Yeah. Did you lose a lot of keys? Nah, because I had to wear it around my neck. It was like a fucking, that was all I had.

1:06:32Langston Kerman:I stayed losing keys outside all the time, bro. I bet your mom was pissed. Dog, it would be like, sometimes it'd be like, all right, you just can't have a key for a while then. Fuck. You just got to be an outside kid.

1:06:44Caleb Hearon:What were you doing? What do you mean? Like how were you losing them so often?

1:06:48Langston Kerman:I was just outside cutting up

1:06:50David Gborie:Outside playing around Throwing my key I was in the apartment Letting my friend eat it Taking it out of my pocket

1:06:59Langston Kerman:Daring other kids to eat it Daring other kids to watch me eat it You want to play hide and seek key style? Yeah I would just lose it all the time And then I'd have to have like two weeks Where I didn't have my key

1:07:11David Gborie:Your poor mom just being like I can't get another key man I feel like it's your dumb kid losing a fucking key every day.

1:07:18Caleb Hearon:Okay, I thought I was going to pay the car note this month, but the key budget has gone up.

1:07:21Langston Kerman:I feel like at some point she had to be like, where are all these keys? Because I also had nothing as a key. I even rarely had my backpack on me. I was truly like a loose child. You were going outside just raw. Bro, I was loose outside. Nah, I was loose outside.

1:07:37Caleb Hearon:I feel embarrassed leaving the house without a backpack even now.

1:07:40Langston Kerman:See, that's nuts. You have a family.

1:07:42Caleb Hearon:Yeah, I need stuff.

1:07:44Langston Kerman:And that's why we're so similar, but we're so opposite on other things. I don't like leaving the house with ID now. That's good, though. I don't like it. It feels like I'm too... What do you need it for?

1:07:57Caleb Hearon:And I'm sure they'll be reasonable about you not having ID. Who's they? Exactly.

1:08:04Langston Kerman:Yeah, exactly. When was the last time you had to have ID?

1:08:09David Gborie:I don't know, man. We're doing it more and more now. It's kind of coming up.

1:08:11Langston Kerman:Yeah, almost like it's a problem. Yeah. Almost it's like that's not how people should live.

1:08:16David Gborie:It is crazy the things that the right-wing crowd is getting cool with all of a sudden just because they want to do racism against immigrants. They're like, yeah, I should always have my ID on me and be able to prove I'm a citizen. It's like, what? I'm not doing that shit.

1:08:28Langston Kerman:I really didn't realize they wanted it that bad.

1:08:31David Gborie:You know what?

1:08:32Langston Kerman:I knew they loved it. Like, listen, we all know you guys love this shit. Clearly you love it. You got these jokes or whatever. I didn't know they were willing to put themselves down to keep it in place. They are going through hell. It's really embarrassing.

1:08:43David Gborie:They're taking everyone down with them. They're like, yeah, I don't mind constantly having to prove I'm a citizen. Yeah. I do. What are you talking about? I do for sure. I'm not giving my ID to some fucking random cop.

1:08:52Langston Kerman:I hate giving my ID. I hate fingerprints. I hate it all.

1:08:57Caleb Hearon:I don't trust bouncers enough to believe that they're calculating the age and dates. They're looking at it too quick.

1:09:04David Gborie:They don't know that math.

1:09:06Caleb Hearon:You don't know that math. Because they always go, yep, good. Bro, it's the Connecticut idea. You don't even have it memorized. You don't know where the date is. Yeah, the data's in a different spot.

1:09:14Langston Kerman:Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? And I've gotten into places with wrong IDs so many times, it's like, no, this is not.

1:09:20David Gborie:Yeah, you don't give a shit. I've gotten into a lot of places I shouldn't have been by lying confidently. Yeah. Walking past a huge line and going, we're on the list. Thank you. Just walking. Whoa. Works.

1:09:31Langston Kerman:Once again, that's. It works these days because I'm famous, but it worked before that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's the same energy that you entered the I'm not doing wind sprints thing with.

1:09:39David Gborie:Well, the wind sprints thing is I'm editorializing from the future. You know what I mean? In saying what I was thinking. I wasn't saying out loud to my teacher, like, I actually make dinner for myself. I will not be running. You know what I mean?

1:09:49Langston Kerman:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:09:50David Gborie:But I do think there's a – I've also been turned away many times doing that. So you have to be comfortable with rejection.

1:09:54Langston Kerman:That's got to be a tough L to take, though, too. Huge L. Yeah. And I think that – Especially in front of your friends. Yeah. The type of people that have – Hey, guys, I got us.

1:10:01Caleb Hearon:But the type of people that have that ambition ahead of time are the type of people that then, when they become powerful are able to actually put that shit off. To abuse the power. Congratulations.

1:10:13Langston Kerman:That's the chapter that I'm in. That's good, because I worry about that. I always think if me and you get power, I don't know if we're going to be great about it.

1:10:20Caleb Hearon:Bro, we don't get to talk down to nobody.

1:10:22Langston Kerman:Dog, we were... This is embarrassing. You remember when we were playing Mario Kart at the arcade? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we were both like, yeah, I'm kind of a Luigi guy.

1:10:35Langston Kerman:And we both had a moment where we were like, damn, that's not great

1:10:40Caleb Hearon:Somebody's got to be a Mario

1:10:42David Gborie:Who's our Mario? Fuck, we need a Mario bad Caleb, you're our Mario You're our new Mario I'm fucking jumping down the pipes Looking for brand deals

1:10:54Caleb Hearon:Follow me

1:10:56David Gborie:This way What is so true to you guys? Did you prepare a joint one? We did prepare one. Oh, we did. That was what we were talking about at Smart and Fun.

1:11:05Caleb Hearon:Yeah, when he was at Smart and Fun, we were having a hefty debate about what our so true would be. And we landed on this. I, we, we, mommy and daddy believe. Who said it? That it's not your fault. Who said it? Who said it? Who said it? Who said it? that if you wear sunglasses inside, you should be treated with the same harshness and judgment that we treat sex perverts. Really? That's right.

1:11:38David Gborie:Oh, wow.

1:11:38Caleb Hearon:I think we have to start being a country again.

1:11:43Langston Kerman:We got to tighten up on that shit.

1:11:45Caleb Hearon:Looking people in the eye.

1:11:46Langston Kerman:It's getting way too loose.

1:11:48Caleb Hearon:We are doing dark shades.

1:11:50Langston Kerman:Especially in Los Angeles.

1:11:52Caleb Hearon:In dark rooms, it's nuts.

1:11:55David Gborie:Okay. I've worn sunglasses indoors recently. Okay. It's a change that I've made. I've gone in that direction. Why? I've experimented with that because I was outside with them on. Yeah. And then I went inside. And you weren't. That's usually how it works. I agree. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

1:12:12Langston Kerman:Okay. I think we're talking different. I think we're more speaking of like you go to a nice dinner. It's dark outside. Yeah. Like you wear them at night inside.

1:12:25David Gborie:He's not fighting this. He likes this. I've done that. I've done that recently. That's something I've gotten involved with. Wow. We might need a new Mario. It felt kind of cool. Mario got awesome fast. It felt kind of cool. You guys really hate it that much. You said I'm a sex pervert. Well, you're the same. Yeah, I'm the same as a sex pervert.

1:12:41Caleb Hearon:Yeah. Nobody gets hurt. You don't think that it creates a disconnect for you and the people that you're sitting with? you don't find it incredibly off-putting? I didn't even think about it.

1:12:54David Gborie:I've only done it probably twice. I've only done it probably twice.

1:12:58Langston Kerman:When it happens to you, when you encounter someone wearing sunglasses at night inside, you don't find it off-putting. I don't mind it at all.

1:13:05David Gborie:You don't mind it? I don't mind it at all. That's beautiful. I certainly don't think of them as equivalent to sex perverts. I'm open to that. I'm very open to you guys. You don't say, what are you hiding? No. I imagine that they're just sleepy or they have a bloodshot eye or they were a little too stoned or something. Because that's what happened to me. The first time I did it, I kind of liked it. I was too stoned. And I knew that if my eyes were out in the open, that I felt that people were going to see that I was too stoned and start making assumptions about me. I was in a place of fear. What assumptions?

1:13:33David Gborie:That I was too high. And then what? I'm the kind of guy who gets too high.

1:13:36Caleb Hearon:Oh, okay.

1:13:37David Gborie:You have to understand, I'm in a high anxiety moment. I hear you. He's a stoner. So I was going to say you are. Yeah, I was. I've been off weed for a while now. Oh, wow. How do you feel? Uh, fine, but I miss being numb.

1:13:52Caleb Hearon:That's where I'm at.

1:13:55David Gborie:Always numb, baby. I'm feeling, I'm like, I'm not, I wasn't even a huge stoner, but I smoked maybe a couple times a week. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, this is a time of, this is like, oh, it's a Wednesday night and I'm in the house two hours before I'm going to go to bed. This is a time where I'd normally just get stoned and go ahead and zoom those hours right by. Yeah. And I'm like feeling those hours and I'm going, I miss, I miss just kind of zipping these apart. What are you filling the hours with? I'm trying to do productive stuff. I'm trying to do productive stuff. What are you actually doing?

1:14:23David Gborie:TV, television, documentaries. I watched a six-part documentary on Teddy Roosevelt. That's productive. Oh, was it the PBS one? Yeah, he's a very interesting guy. Do you have the PBS pass? No. Oh, okay. No, I don't know how I got it. I also watched a six-part documentary. You keep asking.

1:14:38Caleb Hearon:He keeps asking. Nobody's saying, yeah. You want people on the PBS pass? Yeah, he keeps everybody talks to.

1:14:43Langston Kerman:I watch a lot of those PBS. I love them so much. Really? The Roosevelt. You watch the Teddy one, not the one about the Roosevelt's. Yeah, Teddy Roosevelt. Call this guy Kim Burns Jr.

1:14:52Caleb Hearon:He fucking loves it.

1:14:53Langston Kerman:You know what's a fun one to watch is the denim one. You should get the PBS pass. I might. And then you can watch them all.

1:14:59David Gborie:It's really a good time. I just did one on the Founding Fathers as well.

1:15:02Langston Kerman:Oh, you know what else is good is the Gilded Age one. I haven't seen it. They just invented society. New York society is so fun to watch. Gilded Age invented society. Yeah, and then like talk about how these guys were all monsters. Vanderbilt used to spit everywhere. It's really fun. Yeah. You see that rich people have always been trash, and I like that.

1:15:20Caleb Hearon:That's cool, man.

1:15:21David Gborie:Teddy Roosevelt, in many ways, a bad guy, but in some interesting ways, very good qualities. Really wanted to prove that he was strong. Wanted to prove he was strong and also would go into child co-workers' apartments where they lived after work. Yeah. Oh, to shake their hand and be like, thanks. Would be like, we're going to fix this. Whoa. It was racist, so you know we give and we take on that.

1:15:45Caleb Hearon:Oh, is that what his bad guy shit was? Was that he was just racist?

1:15:48David Gborie:But then he also did some, like, he was racist and did some really racist shit while he was in office. But then at the same time... You know what I mean? Thank you. Thank you. That means the world to me. Who was the black... Barack Obama. Yes. There was a black, like, thinker or poet that he had. He had Eddie Griffin to dinner. That's my guess who's coming in. He had Eddie Griffin to picture them at dinner together.

1:16:14Langston Kerman:Teddy Roosevelt just being stressed out by Eddie Griffin. It'd be funny because they'd be using a lot of the same slang terms.

1:16:24David Gborie:He was an interesting guy. Yeah. He was an interesting guy. Who do you have to dinner? Booker T. Washington. Yeah, Booker T. Washington. At the White House. I've been to his house.

1:16:33Langston Kerman:Whose? Booker T. Washington's house. How was it? It was pretty cool. Yeah? He wasn't there, right? No. You can go to his house at Tuskegee. If you go to Tuskegee, they still have his house preserved. He was a complicated guy, too, though, Booker T.

1:16:45Caleb Hearon:I think all those. I don't think that you get to be any level of, like, the best guy without having pretty fucked up positions somewhere in the middle of that. I personally believe I don't think that, and we talked about this, I don't think that we should learn anything else about people after they die. Yeah. No more news about them. If what I know, I know. That's it. What are you hiding? Exactly. Exactly. Langston, what are you hiding? That's for me to keep is my point. Right. And if you don't find out.

1:17:17Langston Kerman:I think he's going to take it to the grave. I don't think we're ever going to get it.

1:17:19Caleb Hearon:Yeah. If you don't find out, I win the game. Yeah. That's what Prince was on. You know what I mean? He was like, bro, I'm out here doing wild shit. Y 'all know I do wild shit. Keep my name out your mouth.

1:17:30Langston Kerman:I think Prince kind of did win the game. He won. I think if anybody won, I think Prince, like the game of like entertainment, I think Prince probably won.

1:17:40Caleb Hearon:You guys have heard about the documentary they wrote about. didn't come out yeah they had they had a whole prince documentary that's supposed to be the greatest documentary documentary ever made it's like a beautiful complicated exploration of this dude that we know so little about and then through like them attempting to get the acquire acquire it and then the family sort of or like the remaining folks the estate protecting it now the documentary is deaded it will never see the light of day that's good and he won yeah

1:18:11Langston Kerman:He wins. He didn't want that shit. Prince won. Yeah. Prince won. Blouses. Game. Checkmate. Blouses. Checkmate.

1:18:21David Gborie:Game. Prince.

1:18:22Caleb Hearon:He won.

1:18:24Langston Kerman:He's the only one.

1:18:25Caleb Hearon:Yeah, he's the only one.

1:18:26Langston Kerman:Because when you die, everybody's like, oh, he pissed his pants that time.

1:18:29Caleb Hearon:Yeah, we know what Teddy Roosevelt was up to. You guys want to play a game? Yeah, let's do that.

1:18:33David Gborie:Okay. I'm excited about it. You guys decide how you handle this. But basically, as a duo, I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false. If you guys get 10 or more correct, we're going to give each of you 50 US dollars. Why don't you go back and forth? Yeah, that sounds good to me. All right. Ford is older than Volkswagen. False. True. Komodo dragons can have virgin births. True. That is true. Ashley Tisdale is Canadian. False. False. She's American. Yes. Yes. Yes. Ikea has no stores in Brazil.

1:19:09Caleb Hearon:True.

1:19:10David Gborie:That is true. The Denver Nuggets have only won the NBA championship once. True. I wish that had been Langston. God damn it. It is true. The Titanic sunk in 1929.

1:19:21Caleb Hearon:True.

1:19:24David Gborie:It was false in 1912. Damn. False. It was 1912. Vertical angles are never equal. False. False. They're always equal. There have been three theatrically released Narnia movies. True. That is true. Lasagna Day is August 14th in the U.S. False. False. It's July 29th. Wow.

1:19:46Caleb Hearon:Summertime Lasagna Day?

1:19:47Langston Kerman:Crazy. That's nuts.

1:19:49Caleb Hearon:That's fucked. I hate that. And it's so close to fucking 4th of July. Why would you want Lasagna Day during summer vacation? I'm still stuffed.

1:19:59Langston Kerman:Put that shit in January, February. It should be February 15th for everybody who's sad about Valentine's. You're 100 % right. I know. That's totally it. Come on. We should start campaigning February 15th.

1:20:13Caleb Hearon:Yeah, New Lasagna Day. Let's tell our wives first. Baby, we got new traditions.

1:20:20David Gborie:Mommy and Daddy got in the lab and figured something out today.

1:20:25David Gborie:Langston's wife goes, I'm glad that's catching on. Bringing that up was very vulnerable.

1:20:30Caleb Hearon:So you're sharing. Okay.

1:20:31David Gborie:Betty White was born in Oak Park, Illinois. True. That is true. He's from Oak Park. I know. Some of these I should have. It's a... I should have chosen who they went to. The factorial for zero is one. False. That's true. The Motorola Razr 2 was released in 2007.

1:20:48Caleb Hearon:True. That feels right. Yeah, that feels true to me.

1:20:53David Gborie:The Razr 2? The Razr 2. No O? R-A-Z-R? Yep.

1:20:56Langston Kerman:That feels true.

1:20:57Caleb Hearon:That feels true.

1:20:58David Gborie:It is true. Yeah. Wendy's has discontinued the Baconator. False. That is false.

1:21:04Langston Kerman:I got my little brother a Baconator. three weeks ago

1:21:07David Gborie:this dude's an animal cuttlefish have blue blood true that is true fuck fuck you guys are amazing there's nothing you guys can't do together we really feel that way the my mama told me youtube channel currently has 799 videos oh no

1:21:31true

1:21:33Langston Kerman:false False. There's no way we have 800 videos.

1:21:36Caleb Hearon:Okay.

1:21:37Langston Kerman:False. It's true.

1:21:38Caleb Hearon:Yeah. You knew that? You knew that? I thought we were close.

1:21:41Langston Kerman:You don't even pay for YouTube premium.

1:21:43Caleb Hearon:Yeah, no, I never will. How'd they do, Chance? 11.

1:21:47Langston Kerman:Wow.

1:21:47Caleb Hearon:Let's go. Yeah, that was pretty good. That's pretty good.

1:21:50Langston Kerman:Let's go. So is that 100 total or 25 each? It's 50 to each of you. Totaling for 100. And a sandwich. Let's go.

1:21:57David Gborie:Let's go, man. We up. And wave water bottles and Google Pixels.

1:22:03Langston Kerman:This is the best day of my comedy career

1:22:05David Gborie:It's a good day to be a part of the family It's a beautiful day Thank you guys for doing it, this was so great Do you want to tell people where they can support you, find you, love you?

1:22:14Langston Kerman:My mama told me On all platforms, right? Yeah, follow us

1:22:19Caleb Hearon:We're part of the Wave family now We're under Caleb's banner It's all beautiful Follow us on all social media platforms My mama told me

1:22:28Langston Kerman:You've heard of 7pm in Brooklyn, this is 6pm in downtown LA

1:22:33Caleb Hearon:Weird vibes I'm going to be honest Weird vibes Weird strange energy Our studio is not located in a great spot Carmelo is not showing up And we'll figure that out

1:22:44Langston Kerman:Hey he wasn't the one who won us that one championship So I don't know why I said that No that's no worries He's down the hall And I also really love him I just always felt like he didn't like our city And that made me sad But I really do love him Yeah Shout out

1:22:58Caleb Hearon:Apple Pay is the simple, secure, and fast way to pay That's because your credit or debit card is right on your iPhone. Accepted at millions of places, from big box stores to boutiques, you can check out with your iPhone anywhere contactless payments are accepted. Apple Pay is more secure than a physical card because you authenticate your purchases with Face ID before you pay, and your actual card number is never shared with merchants. Add your debit or credit card to Apple Wallet to check out in seconds. Simple. Secure. Fast. That's Apple Pay. Terms apply.