David Gborie Loves a Party

31:33And lake parties were like, that was crazy. Oh, yeah. Everyone's going crazy. The adults are having a good time. I didn't know that that was like their only day off for the year. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't know how important it was. I didn't know why they were going so hard. Yeah. Like the burgers had to be right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's like a fight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. People are being weird. They've had too much to drink. Like, for sure, it's the one day they get off this year or whatever. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, then when I got a little older and I couldn't wear name-brand clothes, that's when shit started to feel tight.

32:00That's exactly when it happened was, like, I think puberty when you start to feel that real difference. Clothing is what it does. Yeah, it's clothing for sure. It's the three wife pleasers. Three wife pleasers is crazy. When Dovon and Jovan got two on. Dovon and Jovan got two on. Dovon and Jovan is so awesome. It was crazy. I wish. It was really nuts. That's really fun. Do you know where they are now? No, no idea. No? I don't even want to look them up. I hope that they reach out because of this. I bet they're listeners. Dovon and Jovon, if you're out there. I love you, they are not. No, come on.

32:33I don't think they're podcast enthusiasts. Jovon and Jovon. If this was the Joe Budden podcast, maybe. Maybe? Maybe. Damn. You don't think I got reach? I don't. You don't think I'm reaching people from your past? Not to where they're at. Not to where they're at. I think some people from my past will see this. Yeah? For sure. Yeah? Yeah, I think some guys. Guys, if you're from David's past, please reach out. Don't, don't. Oh, no, actually.

32:57It's okay. Everybody from Dan's past. It's okay. I don't answer DMs. I've had a couple moments in the last couple years of like, you know, it's like, it's funny. The things I think that are big happening in my career, no one from the past reaches out. No, yeah. They don't think the same things are cool that I do. And then the things they think are cool are things I don't really care about. But that's when I get to reach out from the random stranger from the past. yeah but like girl you had one class in college with it's like i always knew it's like okay we barely spoke you know yeah that is so odd it is so odd you know what i've gotten is some people reaching out in like an odd like like there's this one guy who quite frankly we really just used to do drugs together like that's really what the relationship was and he'd reach out but it was always so like you probably don't even remember me and i'm like all right man well i'm not gonna answer to that and then it's like six of them yeah like oh i bet you forgot your days at dirty tricks and i'm like hey man what the fuck it's like antagonistic kind of insecure like you probably don't even remember me at all huh yeah it's like i do but i don't want to talk well it was that guy particularly it was like uh did you ever have a friend that you used to get fucked up with a lot and then you tried to hang out sober one time you're like oh i don't even know that wasn't part of my journey okay i wasn't good i wasn't getting fucked up like that that's good that's probably good but i can totally see what occurred there yeah where it was like one time in the daytime yeah and you're like oh we don't have any we don't really have anything i think i had a lot of friends that had like this happened to them in mass that they were like my whole friend group is based on partying yeah they wake up one day when they're like 26 and they're like i don't like or know any of these people yeah it's like a lot of people you realize you've never seen in the daytime yeah you know what i mean yeah or sober or anything yeah yeah yeah and then you're like Like, oh, these are just like, I think we're all, we're less like, we're not connecting.

34:49We're kind of just bumping into each other at the nighttime. You know what I mean? Yeah. But where were you? Where were you when, where were you in your early 20s? San Francisco. San Francisco. I was so, I was in a shit town in Colorado and I got the fuck up out of there. And then I made my way to San Francisco at 20, 22. And I started doing comedy. And then I was like, I think I left to come here when I was like 27, 28. Yeah. I knew that you had done comedy in San Francisco before you came here. I was heavy in San Francisco. I really loved it. I didn't know you were out there for that long. Yeah, years, years.

35:24Fixture of the scene. Oh, yeah. I was Mr. Man, I loved it so much. I like, when I was in San Francisco, because it was the first time I moved around a lot as a kid. So San Francisco was the first time I felt like an active participant in my community in a real way. and I just like really like I threw shows for my neighbor like I wanted to be popping in the inner Richmond yeah that was like what I was like I wanted everybody on Clement Street to know who I was you know what I mean yeah and it was like yeah it was an amazing time a bunch of fun friends were there Amy Miller was there one of the most confounding things to me about Amy is that she's not Midwestern yeah because she gives crazy Midwestern energy it's like it you know what it is it's a branch of california a lot of people don't know about no i know i really had to tap in on that because i met her she's the kind of person she would live next to sex workers and be like hey girls yeah you know i'm like you're giving omaha in such a crazy way yeah no but not omaha at all elsa branny the big yeah yeah exactly elsa branny yeah it's not even oakland it's like the out different thing yeah it's past oakland actually different thing yeah i did have to find out that there was a version of california that gives midwestern which is nice because it's almost like it can't all be paradise yeah you know what i mean i do it's like or have you ever been north north of san francisco like i've been up there but i'm not hanging around yeah it's hairy up there it's weird to feel things that drive like being around california i've been around the whole state in the last you know couple years and it's weird to feel like to feel the um the culture and the politics of home but to be around palm trees and mountains it's very uncanny valley to me it pisses me off because quite frankly because it's like like in colorado i lived in a little shit town for a long time or just a little small town yeah kind of shit but like those people it's brown all the time the weather sucks you're on the high plains you're not even in the mountains i understand your hatred of california your hatred of other people yeah it sucks over here yeah but You go down to Orange County and you're like, what the fuck are you mad about?

37:30What are you complaining about? You over here, you're like that? Yeah. You should love everybody. Nobody's coming for this. Yeah. OC. Yeah. Like, you're good. You're chilling. Yeah, it seems odd to me. I don't know how anybody could be a Republican by the beach. That's a beautiful sentiment, David. It's how I feel. That's a beautiful sentiment. It's how I feel. Have you ever wondered how movements start? I'm Ashley C. Ford, host of Into the Mix, a Ben & Jerry's podcast about joy and justice. This season, we're talking to unexpected progressive heroes who found purpose in unexpected places. People like Marley Dias, making sure every kid sees themselves in books.

38:07Kyle Mesteth, a native skateboarder building a movement for kids nationwide. Joy Aladakun, whose music moves from protests to daily commute. Find out how they started something bigger than themselves. And listen wherever you get your podcasts. Do you think that you, what do you, do you have any Republican opinions, feelings? What do you got going on over there? Anything Republican going on for you?

38:30no i don't think so right no no i i don't i guess i don't hate hunting and fishing you're going fishing i like fishing i'm not hunting i said to sound cool but fishing yeah hunting is just too much more involved i feel it's also it's yeah it's a bigger time commitment you gotta have the guns but fishing especially in denver me and my friends would go fishing a lot really yeah and i haven't been fishing in a while man i we should go fishing we really should i wish Now I wish I was in Denver because I got spots. Damn. You know what I mean? I bet we'll end up in Denver at the same time eventually.

39:03Yeah, it'll happen sooner. Life is long. Yeah. We need to do that. Yeah. I'd love to go fishing. I haven't been in forever. Really? Do you like fishing? I did when I was a kid. I would go. It's just a reason to be outside, man. That's the thing. I'd like to go fishing with like-minded adults because the issue with fishing and hunting growing up for me is that I'm a talker. And the men in my family were not enjoying that. Right. They were very much like, shut the fuck up. Like you're just in the blind just talking about stuff? Oh, I'm truly just in the blind, like kicking my feet up, being like, at school there's this kid.

39:35I'm like, and my uncle's like, yeah, man, you're going to scare the deer away, you're going to scare the fish away. I was always scaring something by talking. Yeah, I mean, but that goes into life. You know, I'm glad I'm not that kind of man. Yeah. Like, I feel like I have enough masculine traits, but I was very much raised by women. so i'm not like the kind of like if i'm alone with my friend we're talking yeah we're gabbing it up we're chitter up yeah we're chitting we're chatting yeah all that kiki and chatty cat whatever you want to call it i'm not like that quiet i'm quiet by myself i don't need to be quiet with my friends i love my friends that's what i'm saying i don't want and i don't want to be quiet with anybody if i'm if i'm in a hunting blind with a person we're chatting yeah because what else are we doing i'm stuck in here with you yeah i want to be quiet with you I'm covered in deer piss.

40:21I want to at least talk about how I feel about it. I'm fucking drenched in deer piss. He's like, yeah, you didn't have to do that. But I wanted to. But I wanted to, man, because I love you. Yeah.

40:35You got any kids in your life? Children? My sister just had a baby. Oh, yeah? Yeah. When? Four months ago. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fresh baby. Yeah, little baby. Other than that, I don't really have any children in my life, which sucks because i really like children but it's like i'm at a point where if i want to interact with some i gotta grow my own yeah you can't just be out here yeah who just had a really funny joke about that uh ahmed yeah ahmed uh just had a great joke about that and i don't remember the specifics of it but he was just basically like yeah i can't i can't just be like playful with kids the way i want to in public it's not a good look i had a bit about that on my comedy central hour yeah it really is true and i feel it all the time yeah and it's like because it's like I very much remember being a kid and strangers taking a liking to you in the grocery store or something.

41:24And always really enjoying those interactions. Or just like an old lady winks at you or something. Just shit like that. You know what I mean? Yes. Did that sound crazy? No, but I feel that. I'm with you, yeah. Because I've always been, I was on the street a lot as a kid by myself. And I've just always been the type of person that people would come up to. Like I've just always had that. But sometimes it'd be weird. I remember being a little kid and, like, dude's trying to sell me cologne out of backpacks. And that wasn't... Yeah. That's different. That wasn't ideal. But, like, a lot of just strangers talking to me.

41:56And I always really liked that. I always thought... Or, like, you know, you'd be running around the store and somebody would, like, laugh at that. Just, like, interacting with kids. But you really... You probably shouldn't be doing that. It's hard because I love kids. And I do want to, like... When they're, like... You know, I want to talk to them because I think they're so interesting. Me too. And I'm like, I love that you're in here being silly. Me too. But then you look at the parents, and sometimes the parents aren't like, the parent needs to give you a cue that you can be silly with the kid.

42:21Right, right, right, right. There needs to be some type of a... I remember when I first moved to San Francisco, there was like this elaborate bandana system to tell people how you like to have sex. Yes. Yeah, we learned about this. You remember that? We learned about this recently on the pod. Oh, really? We had a gay historian on the pod. It was crazy. I remember, because I remember it was like, it was the first, my first like, wow, I'm not in Colorado anymore. You know what I mean? I was at an open mic and this guy has like an orange bandana out of his left pocket and some girl's like, that means he's down for anything.

42:57And I was like, what? Cause at the time too, I was like, I've always been open but I just wasn't like liberal in the way that I wasn't around a lot. Especially like gay people, I just wasn't around. So I remember her saying he's down for anything. I was like, this guy's probably kissing dudes. To say the least. He's actually probably graduated from kissing dudes. He doesn't even do that anymore. I was down for anything. I was like, he kissed a boy? That's so fucking funny, dude. Yeah, I was a rube when I got to San Francisco, for sure. You were an adult, an oaf, just kind of going around being like, who wants to teach me about gay?

43:33Well, because it was like, I had seen a lot of life, but bad stuff. So I'd seen a lot of violence and crime and shit like that. But I hadn't just seen really open sexually people. You know what I mean? I was always curious about it because it always seemed like it was a good time. Yeah. You know what I mean? It does seem like it was a good time. That's partially why I ended up over there. Yeah, they seem like they're having a good time. Those people are having fun, yeah. Were you, I feel like I know some of your story from watching the podcast, but you weren't, besides having sex with high school boys, you weren't like gay community in Missouri, right?

44:06No, I had some. I was, yeah, hooking up with like peers and some guys a little bit older when I was a teenager, but maybe a little bit. Like I would talk to, when I was in middle school, I got in gay chat rooms. Not sexually. But I was in gay chat rooms. Just for friends. No, truly. To talk to gay people. That's so beautiful. People don't talk about, everybody talks about the predatory nature of the chat rooms. Nobody ever talks about just like. I was in there. I was so scared, David. I was like literally on my grandma's computer on MySpace in Iowa. Like everyone's outside playing and I would sneak in and I had a fake MySpace.

44:36I had like a secret MySpace account. You had a secret gay MySpace? Yes, yes. And I'd be like, I am 13. I live in Missouri. I'm gay, what do I do? That's literally their biggest fear. Do it, truly. Like when MySpace popped, everybody was like, what if my son has a secret gay MySpace?

45:14Oh, that's so funny. Meanwhile, I'm truly just on there to be like, someone tell me what to watch. That's, oh. Someone give me a movie. I got so scared. I remember one older gay guy messaged me back, and he was like, honey, when you feel stressed out, have some chamomile tea, and just remember you're going to get older someday. And I got so scared by the kindness of that that it felt intimate, and I deleted my account and didn't get back on for a while. Wow. I was so scared of that. I have a few questions about your account. Yeah. Did you do your own coding for wallpaper? No, no, no design. No design?

45:46You didn't have like a song play? No, no name. No, it was like, yeah, it was like whatever the least you could do was. Oh, you poor baby. Cause did you have any gay people in your life at all? No. That's tough. So I was like looking, you know, but I did know inherently that like, I knew my aunt Ashley, I knew my mom would be like, wouldn't care. You could just feel that they were, I mean, maybe my aunt Ashley was openly saying politically progressive stuff but my mom's always been like uh anytime someone would say something hateful around her about any type of person she'd be like whatever let's have a beer yeah she was never down with that shit that's awesome so i always knew she would be cool that's how my mom was too well also my mom was like she went out clubbing a lot so from an early age i knew go to gay bars if you don't want to get hit on by men yeah as a woman my mom was doing that in like the mid 90s queen yeah her and her friends would go because she's like she always had a lot of friends but it's mostly like she has like a core group of women that kind of they're still friends to this day shout out to my aunties but they would all go out a lot and my mom likes to dance so like yeah they were going to gay bars in seattle which is weird because then as an adult sometimes i'll go out to a bar and then i'll remember my mom having talked about that bar when i was a kid whoa like the rebar or something yeah you know what i mean which is weird that's really weird yeah it's strange that's very interesting yeah yeah yeah i was i was hopping on there i was hopping on myspace to chit chat with uh with gay people but i had a lot of the same things you probably had when you moved to san francisco when i was like going up to kansas city in high school to go to like movie theaters and see gay movies and stuff yeah i would see gay people and like i would try and like i would try to strike up a conversation with them you know just to hear but i was so like i would see a gay guys holding hands in kansas city and i'd be like oh my god they're just doing that out in the open you know it's crazy because that integration into your community is so odd i had that in san francisco but with black people because i was in a small town for like four years no where there were no anybody black people there's like a few mexicans but they only spoke spanish yeah so it's like very isolating in san francisco it's the same thing just going to black movies like hey hey guys me as well any questions yeah i got this green bandana means i'm down to talk to any race i'll talk to anyway i don't mind yeah send a pacific islander over i don't give a bring him over no worries i don't care at all that's so totally cool that's so funny i you know the weird thing about moving to san francisco was like there was so much uh open stuff sexually and i found out really quickly that i'm just a boring straight and i always felt like damn it's tough it because you're like i'm in the playground yeah How did I end There would be times Where I'd be like How did I end up In San Francisco Not gay At 23 Yeah This is fucked But that's how you know You really mean it Yeah With the straight stuff Yeah That is it I really believe That you're straight Yeah And that's a hard pill For me to swallow About anybody that I like I get that But I believe you I get No Because you had You were right there In Gamora If it was gonna happen Yeah Yeah Yeah And I remember I'd be at like We used to tell jokes at this place the stud yeah uh this old gay bar on fulsome and it would be like right after the open mark mike was this party called bear wars oh yeah and so it would be like the open you had a tough time getting out of there brother yeah and it was the most it was the first because i was like i was like 23 24 it was the first time anyone had paid me any attention in the way of like buying me drinks and shit oh yeah big handsome guy like you and even that didn't do it so i just ain't got it Yeah, it's not for you.

49:27Yeah, you know, not everything's for everybody. No. And I appreciate the culture. Yeah. One of my favorite things is how much my married straight guy friends take an interest in my life. See, that's beautiful. They're very jealous and interested. They're like, oh, you guys just call up a blowjob on command. That's crazy. I think sometimes men, this sounds terrible. I think sometimes men, straight, super straight men, look at gay men and they view it as like the idea of a life unencumbered by women. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you don't have to. And I think that's what they're so excited about. Sometimes I will say.

50:05You and your boys just kiss. You guys just hang out and then you're fucking them? Yeah. What? What? Not my boys, but so many straight guys don't genuinely just don't like women. That's what I mean. That's totally what it is. It's just like, oh, I got to go fuck my girlfriend. Yeah. It's one of the more alarming things about growing up. Yeah. Finding out, like, because, like, I knew about men from my mom and her friends growing up. And then high school, I was playing football and shit. And then I got, I was doing construction for a while and shit. So, like, finding out that, like, there's a lot of dudes who just, like, and they operate.

50:44I'm not saying they're, like, violent, terrible. They operate in society. they have women in their lives but they just don't like women and you're like oh i didn't know that sucks it's a real they have no interest and it's a real weird like i i honestly had a big but honestly other people that way too my girl does not care for men at all queen she likes me she's real other than that you're not really she's real because i'll try to put shit on sometimes like just any man dominated thing like last night i was making dinner and i put on the uh the master and like 30 minutes in I was like what did he say and she's like oh I'm not watching this I was like alright yeah yeah it's funny men and women in many ways so incompatible and still really trying it you know what else are we going to do well yeah if you can yeah but what am I going to do I don't like you yeah I know I feel for you dude I do think oh wait what was I going to say it was about about How gay guys, oh, well, I've obviously reckoned with men not liking women for a long time because I grew up in the place I grew up in.

51:48Right. But really, truly, when Taylor Swift started going to a bunch of Chiefs games because she's dating Travis. Was that huge for you? Well, the reaction to it, I really re-engaged with how much men don't like women because all these men, to me, as a gay guy who loves football, I have one of the biggest struggles of my life. One of the many. By the way, we're out here. We're everywhere. But I truly have such a, one of the biggest struggles of my life is trying to get the women in my life to care about it at all. Yeah. Like so many of the women in my life don't care about football. And some do.

52:16But when Taylor came around, I was so excited because I was like, oh, the girls I love are now suddenly interested in football. This is going to be so good for me to bridge my interests. And all these straight men were like, get that dumb bitch off the screen. Yeah. And I was like, you don't want to bond with your daughters over the thing you love, you idiot. No, they come here to specifically not do that. I just was like, wow, I forgot. They're like, that's why I'm over here. I was like, whoa, that's crazy. Like, oh, yeah, that's the point. I'm like, what? Yeah, that's the whole thing. I, man, I wish I still loved football so much.

52:54You could come be a fan of my team if you want. No, I can't. I'm a Broncos fan. No worries. Well, then get back into them, and I think they'll probably figure something out soon enough. Do you think that? Who do they got? Bo Nix? Is he still there? This sucks. This sucks right now. Yeah, I know. Because I do hate the Chiefs, just literally. Totally. And there were a lot of eras that I had to sit out, even though you guys had cool shit going on. Yeah. Dante Hall, that whole situation. I know, man. So cool. Tough not to be a fan. Tony Gonzalez when I was a kid. All-time greatest. Yeah, but... You don't think he's the greatest tight end of all time?

53:23Shannon Sharp is the greatest tight end of all time. Tony Gonzalez is way better than Shannon Sharp, I feel. Numbers-wise, I don't think so. Isn't he statistically as well? How many yards does Tony Gonzalez have all-time? Is Tony Gonzalez the all-time...

53:39We're going to figure this out. We're going to get to the bottom of this right now. He's so hot, too. Tony Gonzalez? It's fucked. He's not my type, but I find him a beautiful person. You don't think Tony Gonzalez is hot? I think he's attractive, but I don't go up for that. You're from Kansas City. I don't go up. I'm not like, oh, my God, Tony Gonzalez. He looks like he's on a telenovela. Yeah. What do we got, Chance? He is the NFL record holder for career receiving yards for a tight end and career receptions for a tight end. Who's number two? Shannon Sharp? What's he bench right now? because shannon's putting up 405 number two might be is gronkowski somewhere up there you know who i like to like a lot was todd heap i don't know who that is he used to be a tight end for the ravens yeah yeah good guy that was back when i still as i got old as i get older i just football less and less was it and it was like i like cared about it you're never gonna come back you think i don't know man not in the way comedy really sucked all the sports out of my life like i used to like i lived and died by the broncos i lived and died by the nuggets that was like my shit i cared so much i in high school i used to watch college football i loved christmas break when i could watch all the bowl games and shit yeah and i think the further side i further i got away from playing so two chiefs in the top three tony gonzalez and travis oh god damn is number five and it's a big gulf between him and number four by the way chish sharp is number five with nine nine hundred sixty receiving yards antonio gates is number four with eleven thousand eight hundred god gates was a cool piece of work though it's a big gulf there yeah i'm sorry dude i'm so sorry i think that i was just in colorado and i was caught up in the wave you know totally it's just like the same way terrell davis is gonna be the best running back to me yeah absolutely you You know what I mean?

55:28This all makes sense to me. Hey, it's no worries. I'm surprised Jamel's not getting you into basketball at all. You guys aren't? I'm into basketball. I'm into basketball pretty well because the Nuggets are fun. Nuggets game. One of the only NBA games I've ever been to, Nuggets game. Really? Not the day that we... Not that day. No. No, not that day. Couldn't get it together for that day. I was really glad when you said you didn't want to go because I was like, I don't want to sit in them little eyes. Same. Yeah, because we ran into that delightful man. We ran into this cool David and I went out to lunch in Denver And there was a guy sitting alone at a picnic table Real tall, older black guy, handsome dude And we were like, do you mind if we sit over here?

56:05And he goes, go ahead guys We start chatting him up He was a fun talker Awesome, awesome man We were getting it Thorough Bailey We were getting it, going it And then we find out he was a player for, was it the Jazz? The Jazz, and he's an analyst now And he was in town for the game that night Yeah, he was cool He was awesome No, we went to his Instagram and his fits are crazy Yeah, he was a hot old dude He's slick Yeah, I really liked that guy. He was cool. What was his name? Thurl Bailey. Thurl Bailey. He was cool as hell. His name was Thurl. Yeah. And he was pulling it off. Oh, he was sick. Because Thurl could suck, I think.

56:36It's funny because we walked up and we saw him sitting there and I think I said, he looks like Kareem. He's so tall. Yeah, yeah. We were talking about Kareem and Veronica Marsh in the car. We were talking about that. Yeah. And then we pulled up and I was like, that's like Kareem vibes. It was like Kareem, yeah. Yeah. And then he was a professional athlete. Which never happens. How fun. I walked away from that day feeling like that's just what happens to you.

57:04What do you mean? I just feel like maybe you're a bit charmed in that way. Charmed, like fun little things like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, some people are kind of just like, it's just how it is for them. I hate to, it is. Yeah. It is. That's okay. Charming little things do kind of happen to me. But I also wonder, do charming little things just happen to me? Or also, am I seeking out charming little things? Because I really think I am. I think everybody is. Oh, you think everyone's seeking charming little things? Not everyone, but I think the people who do what we do are. Do they happen to you, too?

57:38I mean, we need shit to talk about. We need experiences. We do need experiences. We're always looking for fun little anecdotes. I feel like you're finding them, right? Yeah, sometimes. Is that happening to you? I have had so much periods of chaos in my life. I'm pretty glad for it to be mad slow. Yeah. I like to be in the house. You know what I mean? Yeah. I like to get, I like to smoke one joint, dance to one pebble song in a riot, and then I want to go home. In a riot. And then I want to go home to the girls. Yeah. That's beautiful, dude. All my animals are women. That's really beautiful. Yeah.

58:12That's kind of how your life is set up. Yeah. I like it. I'm doing good. I think, yeah, I do, you were saying something about when you were a kid that people would like to talk to you like strangers would like to talk to you yeah i don't know if you still have this but strangers will say anything to me yeah like strangers come up to me these two have seen it it's crazy like any i'll be doing i'm not i won't even be particularly acting friendly in a moment like i'm like a downbeat on tour like lugging bags or something and someone out of nowhere will just be like nice weather i'm like what like they like will come over brother i'm in century city mall last night me and a lot of you're just sitting there eating food and some old crazy looking man like his his hair was like it was it was like it was wind like windblown yeah like it was like yeah like doc brown yeah and also died very blonde yeah and he was just like hey you got good vibes i'm 70 years old you know what the key is to a great marriage just talking to me yeah and that kind of thing happens to me a lot but you do have great vibes so i understand why he did that but i wasn't doing anything you don't have to you have an you have an emanating radiance about your soul i was drinking chick-fil-a i but it's there i just the other night saw a woman fall down strong open i saw a woman i was walking with my boyfriend i saw a woman fall down in new york city and i left him over there and i ran to help her and i said i said hey how are you i'm so sorry i saw that are you okay she felt she tumbled hard yeah and immediately she looked when i locked eyes with her i said this woman has an incredible soul she's like a beautiful human being like i could feel it just immediately just from looking in her eyes i love that and i'm dead serious and then we had a beautiful connection we talked for a minute and the rest of the night i was being a little weird to my boyfriend because i couldn't stop talking about work in bed and i'm like man i missed that woman okay two things but you have that similar when we were driving home from the mall i was like i don't know how to explain it i think that was divine yes i'm telling you because he was the guy was also like he was like you know one rule i have don't be tight spend it and i've been like yeah i've been like weirdly tight on just like i think the idea of getting married all of a sudden put money in perspective in a way where it was like money was only a thing that i needed for next week or whatever and now you're like i have to build a life so i've been like nervous about it and then he said that and i was like you know what you're right brother second of all boyfriend how's that going it's good yeah it's good yeah you want to show me a picture maybe i'll react better than you did to my cat?

1:00:44Well, you have to because he might watch this. Yeah, she might watch this. Your cat's going to tune in. He's the biggest fan. Alana would never allow that.

1:00:56I got to find a picture of... Do you want to see us together or you just want to see him? Yeah, I want to see together. I want to see the light in the eyes. Oh, this is us. Well, wait, I want to just show you this. This is going to be cool. He's beautiful. God damn

1:01:15Whoa He could play He could play anything He's beautiful but he's really mean to me Is that what you're looking for? He treats me bad Yeah he's not Ask these two He treats me bad He's toxic No no he's a total He's a total sweetheart He's like the nicest guy I've ever dated He's got like He's got like the type of tattoos That mean he's well Well traveled

1:01:42you know what i'm saying wait yeah he's got like yeah like not in an asshole way though in a cool way oh my god he's reading a book on the beach yeah brother i'll tell you that book never gets read when i go to the beach i bring it every time though yeah it's going good we like that guy good good good he would you guys cohabitate or like uh no no different cities we know we we live uh both him in brooklyn okay but i it's funny because i'm gone all the time and he travels quite a bit for work and like for friend stuff like he's always at some birthday party in some other state that's country i assume or country as the case may be um he's traveling and it's yeah it's funny trying to make it all work you know yeah but that's great yeah it's nice for you it's nice thanks dude you seem like uh you seem like you would be i would imagine if you're just fucking you could be a bit of a fuck boy but i bet as a partner you're amazing is what i wow you clocked my is that what it is chants and virginia are shaking their heads violently violently over there well because that's i mean i think it's i have the same thing yeah it's just like you got so much charm that like if it's not if it's just oozing out then you're not really paying attention to who's getting it and who's not yeah like like i've yeah sometimes it's hard to focus that i had a lot of fun fucking around that that was a an era for sure yeah but i'm yeah i i'm enjoying uh i'm enjoying being in a relationship it's nice that's good good for you yeah i'll talk about it very much i i really do want to keep i i want to keep some things like private you know yeah i feel like my life is so not private i share everything yeah that i've been really slow to talk about romance multiple times throughout my career same yeah same even i just talk about because we're engaged now so it's like I feel like it comes up a lot more.

1:03:34Yeah. But before that, not too much. Because it's also like, everybody wants everything to be for sale now. And it's like, I ain't going. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I don't want it to be like, my thing is my thing. I don't want her to have to be in a, you know what I mean? Right. I don't want her to have to feel like she's a character in this weird. Like a show that I'm building. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because we all think that way as entertainers. Yeah. And it's like, yeah, you got to let her shit be her shit or his shit be his shit. I distinctly have not talked about him on stage. I've not talked about him much on here.

1:04:07Well, that's coming. I know. It's unavoidable. It's unavoidable because it's your life. Yeah. I avoided it for a really long time. Yeah. But after a while, you're just like, it's too big of a part to not. I know. And we don't have kids, you know? So what am I going to talk about? Yeah, that's tough, though, because it's nice to have a - Now I can't talk about dating is weird anymore. Well, you lose this whole big chunk of when you're not dating. I got really, I had to really process that one of my big fears of being in a relationship, I have many because I have commitment issues, which is several people's fault, my mom's dad and then mine.

1:04:38But you're also so charming, I feel like, or you're so, I feel like when sometimes when people are so outgoing, the idea of committing feels like, I feel like if you're very successful socially, the idea of committing to one thing seems like, but what am I leaving on the tape? Yeah. What's scary? Cause I'm like, I also liked, I like dating. I think it's fun to like, I like the rush of like meeting someone new and having a good time and getting to know them and getting, you know. But one of my big fears that is so, sounds so irrational and crazy is about getting in a relationship is like, oh, I'm going to lose all my dating material.

1:05:10All those like fun experiences I was having that were building, you know. Dude, man, that shit is so real. I like, I tell Alana all the time, I'm like, man, just don't let me end up being a dad comic, bro. Like, it's going to happen at some point. I'm going to have to talk about it, but I don't want to. I've seen that take out a lot of people I thought were great. Yeah. And then all the kids say the darndest things. Yeah. All of a sudden now you're just talking about that. And then the whole brand is that. And it's like you used to talk about Coke. Yeah. And that was cool. We're missing him. Yeah.

1:05:42I missed the Coke talk a little bit. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I think that'll be a really intentional like when you have kids or when I have kids, like because we feel that way, I think a really intentional thing will be like making sure I already feel right now just because I've been working so much and filming things that like I'm like trying. I'm like going like go have please go have an experience. Yeah. I want to be more intentional about like going and doing shit that's out of my comfort zone. Same. So that I'm living a fucking life for me but also for so I have something to talk about. Well and you know what I've found is like I was like for a long time I was really committed to that in the way of doing crazy shit.

1:06:14Yeah. You know what I mean? Destructive stuff. Yeah. Or not even destructive just wild. You know what I mean? Like, so I could get on stage. Because I wasn't living a real life, my shit had to be hyped. Yeah. Because I couldn't get on stage and be like, oh, depression's tough to battle with. So I'd be like, you ever do mushrooms under the Golden Gate Bridge on a Wednesday? You know what I'm saying? Like, I had to really, like, go out there. Yeah. And that was, like, the way I was living intentionally because I wasn't maybe doing the normal stuff. But now it's like, my tweeters are blown, bro. Yeah.

1:06:44I've done too much exciting stuff. Keep me in the house. You're like, I'm at home. Yeah. I'm like, I'm having fun with you. I'm really excited because after this, I'm going to go watch Francis Tiafoe play tennis with Jamel. And that's like my day. I love that day. We got to go to San Pedro and pick up some bar stools. I love that day. David, what's so true to you? Oh, man, I'm not ready.

1:07:09If you don't spend the time getting to know yourself, life is going to prove it to you in a hard way. Ooh. I think that's really true. I think that I spent a lot of time maybe putting qualities that I thought I wanted myself to have and things like priorities that I thought I wanted to have on myself. And then I wasn't that guy. And then you just keep bumping up to a difficult wall. But then, you know, you just take the time to really sit and be like, what do I want? What do I think? It makes everything so much easier, man. Yeah. That's really, really good advice. Thank you. Really interesting.

1:07:44David, well, you know I think you're brilliant. Yeah, I love you. I just love talking to you, dude. This is so good. And guess what? You're not even done yet because I got a segment for you. Oh, is this the money thing? The money ball? Baby. Okay, let's go. I feel like I've played along with some of these. I feel... You feel ready? I feel okay. Because what do I got to get, 10? You guys get 10 out of 15. I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false. Okay. If you get 10 or more correct, David, we're going to give you 50 US dollars.

1:08:09Cash? Cash. Ooh. Wow. It'll be probably wire. Oh. Is that Chan Chinks for you? I am not on MoneyGram anymore for personal reasons. Okay. We'll find a way. We can get it. We'll get it to you. Okay, cool. Chan's got it, right? You ready? Okay. You ready? I'm ready. All right. Fortnite was released in 2017. True. True. AB negative is the rarest blood type. True. True. The Colorado Rockies have won two World Series championships. False. False. They've won none. Zero. Women first competed in the Olympics in 1964. True. False. 1900. William Henry Harrison was only president for 31 days. True. True. Radiohead is from Australia.

1:08:54False. False. England. Pike's Peak had a ski resort up until 1984. False. True. It takes sunlight 8 minutes and 20 seconds to travel from the sun to the earth. False. True. Fuck. Wesley Snipes has played Blade in three movies. True. False. Four. Four. Fuck! I only got one more. We have never found dinosaur fossils in Antarctica. False. False, we have. Nintendo was founded in 1889. True. True. Lady Gaga owns a$50 ,000 ghost radar. Use ghost radar in a sentence. I need to see a ghost. Does anyone have my ghost radar? True. True. Caramel never expires. True. False. False! Stone Cold Steve Austin was born in California.

1:09:43True. False. Texas. Owls are mammals. True. False. Birds. I hate it. You blew it at the end, dude. That was the thing. You know what? You crumbled. You know what happened is I lost the Pikes Peak, the Colorado thing, and then I just fell apart, man. I didn't keep my eye on the ball. You know what I mean? We trained for these type of situations. These are the moments where we have to be great, and you have to love it. Yeah, and it's on me. I'm going to go home. I'm not going to blame the coaching staff. I think they did a great job getting me prepared. And, you know, at the end of the day, I just love this team, man.

1:10:19I love these guys. Yeah. And it's a pleasure to play on the big stage. Yeah. Any regrets? Anything you'd do different? Probably those last four questions.

1:10:31That shit probably would have gone a little differently. David, we love you, dude. Thanks for coming on. Love you, man. This is so fun. Thanks for doing it. You're welcome here anytime. Thank you. Yeah. Come back on mine. I'm dying to. The white one, not the black one. Sean and I, yeah. But come on, man. Brother, we just can't. Didn't you guys have Will Ferrell on? He's like the whitest guy there is. Yeah, he owns the network. Well, come on, man.

1:11:01What, tell me where they can find you. I'm pissed now. You can't have on white guys, but Will Ferrell gets to come on? Will Ferrell! He's fucking L. Caleb, you're amazing. It's Will Ferrell. He's Elf. You gotta bend the knee to Will Ferrell. The whitest thing you can be is Elf. And I don't get to come on. I think that's true. I think that is true. I like you said it, and I wanted to push back, but no, I think that is true. He's the whitest thing you can be is Elf. Yeah, that movie. It was funny. Yeah. I think that black people probably fuck with Elf tough. I don't know, but I just think I should get to come on the show.

1:11:35I want you to at least talk to... I'll talk to Langston. Talk to Langston. Talk to the producers. I'm a big Langston fan as well. Are you gonna do a show trade? Is that what this is? You want Langston to come on here? Yeah. Langston can come on here. I like Langston. He's more than welcome on the show. Langston, come on the show. You heard it. No. Yeah. Cool Guy Joke 87 on Instagram. Yes, sir. Oh, I have a special that I self-produced, but then 800-pound gorilla licensed it. So September 29th, it's going to be on YouTube. It's called Birth of a Nation with a G. It's very funny. I didn't get any press because I released it privately.

1:12:09Didn't know about that. Yeah. But now go watch it. Run it up. I'd really like you. And my mama told me podcasts, all fantasy, everything. Hell yeah. Yeah. And really, really, really go watch David's special. Please do. That fucking rocks. You're one of the funniest stand-ups I know. Oh, thank you. So I can't wait to see it. You too. You kill, man. Thanks, dude. I love you. Thanks for doing it. That was a HeadGum podcast.