In short
A lively conversation with Grace Kuhlenschmidt about coming out, relationships and “meet-cutes,” morning routines and mental health, apartment/NYC rent frustrations, and acting/career anecdotes, plus lots of comedic asides.
Guests
Grace Kuhlenschmidt (comedian/actor; describes herself as opinionated, discusses teaching/acting background, and her coming-out story; mentions being a serious actor and wanting a lesbian role; talks about mental health and living in a “garden level” unit). Caleb Herron (co-host/comedian; jokes about being “Caleb Herron,” discusses service-worker tipping/ranch, New York vs LA, and various absurd personal stories).
Key claims
Grace says she believes she would have come out in every lifetime; she argues Christmas should be in February/March to avoid December “steamrolling” and to keep winter cheer. They claim many real estate agents “need to go to prison” (hyperbole) and discuss broker fees/highway-near apartments.
Notable examples
Hanukkah “eight gifts” story; neighbors’ electric scooters as a best Christmas gift; a “perfect” meet-cute couple (books in a coffee shop → train station → bodega) that feels unrealistic; garden-level apartment causing no daylight; broker-fee “highway robbery” experience; Grace’s audition where she was asked if she’d cut hair for a role.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOReal Estate and Crime
1:24 to 2:26
Discussion about the questionable ethics in real estate.
“People who work in real estate, many of them need to go to prison.”
Mornings and Expectations
2:27 to 4:30
Reflecting on morning routines and the pressure of early starts.
“Oh, the way you talk to service workers.”
Gift Reflection
4:33 to 6:15
Exploring the significance of gifts and cultural traditions.
“What's the best Christmas gift you think you've ever gotten?”
Gift Experiences vs. Expectations
6:16 to 6:52
Discussing the disappointment in gift-receiving experiences.
“Even when I go to a birthday, like an adult birthday dinner.”
Anger and Personal Wins
6:53 to 8:06
Navigating feelings of anger when reflecting on past grievances.
“If I write someone a sweet note and they read it in front of me, I'm into that.”
Meet Cutes and Relationships
8:07 to 10:32
Contrast between idealized meet cutes and real-life relationship beginnings.
“The moment these mics go down, my arm is just crossing right over you.”
Roles in Relationships
10:33 to 14:00
Exploring roles and dynamics within personal relationships.
“I remember years ago, I posted some video making fun of gay guys.”
The Uncool Start of Relationships
14:00 to 18:07
Exploring the awkward beginnings of dating and self-perceptions.
“But like the way that it begins is always me being like sending typos in our first few texts and being like, fuck, sorry.”
Life in a Garden-Level Apartment
18:07 to 21:27
Discussing the challenges and mental health impact of living in a garden-level apartment.
“There's not enough Reddit threads as I thought there would be.”
The Struggles of New York City Living
21:27 to 24:56
Navigating the complexities of New York real estate and broker fees.
“She's the reason I get out of bed in the morning.”
Show all 27 chapters
Reflections on Coming Out
24:56 to 27:20
A heartfelt discussion on identity and the factors influencing coming out.
“but I figure I'll just from here on out do the same things I did last time.”
Exploring Identity and Upbringing
28:00 to 29:20
The hosts discuss their personal experiences and how upbringing influences identity.
“I'm like, I just don't think I'm capable.”
Speculations on Different Paths
29:20 to 31:00
They speculate how different educational environments could have altered their identities.
“To be in a sorority at Arizona State, those girls are munching rug.”
The Fedora Journey
31:00 to 34:20
A humorous recount of a past experience involving a fedora and a youth mission trip.
“And by the way, I've thought about that a lot.”
Nostalgic Reflections and Haircuts
34:20 to 36:00
Reflecting on past hairstyles and discussing the idea of buzz cuts in a light-hearted manner.
“This picture of us That picture is so cute We are so cute It's really a good What year was this?”
The Dream Role and Hair Transformations
36:00 to 38:20
Discussing aspirations for acting roles, including challenges with potential hair changes.
“But I do know you could rock a buzz cut You think so?”
Teaching at a Young Age
38:20 to 41:20
A whimsical tale about the hosts' experiences of teaching at prestigious institutions at a young age.
“Sorry just so I'm clear because I want to make sure I understand when you were 13 living in Los Angeles you were walking around the campus of Juilliard which is?”
A Comedic Take on Controversy
41:20 to 42:04
A satirical discussion touching on serious topics with a comedic twist regarding infamous personalities.
“And that's unfair because he had already passed when you were on the jet.”
A Night in New York with Celebrities
42:04 to 45:54
Caleb shares a wild story involving Rudy Giuliani, Barack Obama, and Tiffany Thiessen.
“Jeffrey had texted me and said hey we're going to get the jet to the island this weekend.”
The Vibrancy of New York Life
45:54 to 47:59
Caleb and Grace discuss the unique energy and lifestyle of New York compared to LA.
“Because you've lived here for a little bit now.”
Plans for Kansas City
47:59 to 49:22
The hosts plan a potential trip to Kansas City and discuss upcoming events.
“Can you tell me, like, give me, like, an option or two of, like, best weekends to come.”
Rethinking Christmas Timing
49:22 to 55:16
Grace proposes that Christmas should be celebrated in February or March.
“What's so true is that Christmas should be in February or March.”
The Future of Work Hours
55:16 to 56:00
A conversation about changing time zones to a universal time system and work hours.
“Five and two is one of the most fucked up things I've ever heard.”
Debating Work-Life Balance
56:00 to 57:11
Explore the impact of a four-day work week on productivity and cultural attitudes towards work.
“But the productivity over his whole workplace, like every employee went up 40%.”
Reimagining Holiday Time Off
57:11 to 59:41
Discuss innovative ideas for redesigning holiday schedules to promote work-life balance.
“I realize that the hardest mental block for people will be that, you know, Christmas time is our biggest like work break of the year.”
Corporate Life Experiences
59:41 to 1:01:33
Share personal anecdotes about navigating corporate jobs and the complexities of vacation time.
“And I was like I'm like, you know, waiting to see if I'm going into work or not.”
Game Segment with Grace
1:01:33 to 1:05:06
Engage in a trivia game that tests knowledge while providing light-hearted banter.
“I was lucky to have like a decent health insurance plan.”
Transcript
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1:21Wave. People who work in real estate, many of them need to go to prison. Totally. Many of them are doing unfathomable crimes. And I will completely agree with you and even add my mom's a real estate agent. Totally. And I don't know how she's doing her business. She needs to be locked up.
1:47We have an episode recording this week at 8 a.m. And for two weeks I've been looking at it on the calendar like something has to give. No, like how are you going to do that? Something that people do every day, mind you. Go to their job at 8 a.m. I had a thought today where I was like, okay, Caleb wants to be there at 11 a.m., which means I need to be ready at 10.30. I need to leave at 10.30, which means I need to be up by 10, which means I need to be up in the nines. Yeah. Wow. Wow. I'm up in the nines. I have to be up in the nines to do something, not until the 11th? See, you've changed and lost touch.
2:21You've changed and lost touch. Because the grace I knew. Oh, yeah. She was up. She was in the mines. She wasn't sleeping. At 5 a.m. No way. You've changed. You think? Don't you think? And this is only one such example. I have many more. Oh, really? What are the other examples? Oh, the way you talk to service workers. Don't, honestly, I've always done that. I have, oh, I've been so fucking consistent with that. That's not new. That's not new. That's when you work in the service industry, you know it's all inside jokes. Yeah. When you say, I'm not tipping. Yeah. When you, but you screamed like, where's my fucking ranch?
2:54Right. But baby, you've had ranch. You know why someone would get so emotional about it. The idea of you defending that story, being like, well, come on, where's my ranch? It's ranch. Yeah. It's not ketchup. There's a really nice guy. There's a really nice guy who, that actually, by the way, what you said wasn't untrue. Ranch over ketchup. Because ketchup, they just leave on the table. Ranch head, they have to bring out. Completely. So it is a different thing. And they get weird about it, too. And it's like, I know it's a bottle back there. Like, it's not homemade. Bring it out. Because I would hate if it were homemade.
3:29I don't like homemade stuff. I don't need that. There's a guy that works at a coffee shop that I go into a lot. He's really sweet. But he's so, I love this. I think I'm the problem here. He's so cheery. And he's like, I walk in, he's like, morning, Caleb. What are we thinking for the holidays? And like, no, and I love it. And I'm like, that is correct. It is ultimately like, I have become like a, until I've had my coffee kind of person. Completely. As I've gotten a little older. And I don't like that. That's humiliating. but it really is like forcing me very early in the morning every day to like think about what kind of person i want to be absolutely because i like to think i'm a morning person in the way that like i feel better when i'm up in the morning yeah but like no part of me has ever wanted to wake up like ever ever ever i can't think of a single day in my life besides like let's be real christmas morning that i have been like it's i want to get out of bed i'll own it christmas morning I'm 30 years old and I'm still like, I've never wanted to get up out of bed except for Christmas morning.
4:30Yeah. Just the way that it is. I love that. Yeah. What's the best Christmas gift you think you've ever gotten?
4:40Do you have two and a half hours for me to stare into space and think? Yeah. Huh. Okay. This actually isn't a gift that I got. Okay. That's okay. Do you mind if I don't answer your question really quick? Absolutely. Absolutely Okay cool I couldn't care You're so chill about those kinds of things I'm not like one of those guys Okay so This is obviously like I just said Not a gift I got But my neighbors got My neighbors got electric scooters When I was in third grade Tough And that was actually They were my friends Yeah So I got to use those scooters And that weirdly was for me The best Christmas gift I ever got Because my parents would have never Ever gotten that for me I was sad for you at first because I was like, they got scooters and you didn't, but I never thought about what community could look like.
5:27No, seriously, it was so, so beautiful. Yeah. And by the way, I just want to say these were Hanukkah gifts for them. Yeah. So this was really like, they had just - So they got eight of them? Yeah. Yeah, they did. They got eight scooters? See, this guy really knows Hanukkah. It's true. Oh my God. It's true. I wish I was Jewish. But I'm like, they really got gifts, like banger of gifts after banger of gifts. Really? It was amazing. See, I really was, my first kind of foray into cultural competence was when I was like, a cultural appreciation was that when I was a kid and I learned that Hanukkah had eight gifts, I was like, wow, other people might be onto something as well.
6:06Right. It can't only be Christianity. Right, right, right. That really was eye-opening for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, they get eight days of gifts. I mean, completely. There's other ways to think out there. Well, also, it's like I do feel like opening more than a couple gifts on one day is completely exhausting. Oh, it's garish. Nobody needs that. It's base. Even when I go to a birthday, like an adult birthday dinner. Yeah. And, you know, we hand our little whatever to the birthday person. Usually I'm not handing, to be honest. I'm pretty bad at giving birthday gifts. But that's because I didn't grow up with birthday gifts.
6:39Anyways, when people open and we're all sitting around the dinner table, I'm kind of like, this person needs to be doing this on their own time. Big time. I don't want to be watching this. Big time. I don't want to be watching you receive gifts. No. You know what I do want to watch? If I write someone a sweet note and they read it in front of me, I'm into that. Yeah. Which is like a - With you kind of, they're reading the note and your mouth is just kind of going along with it. And the way that you, yeah. Are you to the part? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Read that line. I feel like you stumbled over a word.
7:14Yeah. Read that part back. Yeah. Wow. Don't cry. Don't cry. Is there like a best note you've ever written, you think? Oh, my goodness gracious. Oh, my goodness gracious. Me, oh, my. Yeah. A best note I've ever written. Uh-huh. Do you know what? I wrote and then did not send a fuck you note to one of my former bosses. who like fired me from a day job that I had. Oh my God. Like two years later, I had a really big career like win. And I wrote a, there was like a publication in a magazine about it. Oh my God. And I wrote a note on the publication being like, working for you was a nightmare. Thank you so much for firing me.
8:00Oh. And, and I, and then I like autographed the thing and I got this close to putting it in the mail. And then I was like, Hey, so instead why don't you like check in on yourself like i was like instead of sending this to this person who is a bitch why don't you go outside and like look at the sky or something because you will clearly have a problem yeah i mean it was in that moment that i was like you need to do some reflection no i mean i've completely thought about like if i ever win a grammy one day maybe i will say like i love my parents i love my friends and fuck you to like these few people but it really is like whoa let's really we're getting hot yeah inside yeah anger is taking over hey you're holding on to something weirdly completely yeah it's weird it's weird to it's weird to have a moment of what should be joy for you right and allow it to be infiltrated by people you don't like right why would you do that because we're hotheads and we always have been yeah we always that's me and you we're fucking flying off the handle we don't play by the book Right, right.
9:05The moment these mics go down, my arm is just crossing right over you. Yeah. You're going to hit me? Yeah. Fuck. Okay. If you don't hit me first. No, it's great. Yeah, yeah. If you hit me, I'll come. Oh, awesome. Yeah. We haven't talked about hooking up in a long time. I know, but you know what is hard about your podcast? What's up? It's that you treat every girl the same. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Fuck. You're very open about the chemistry that you have with every single female comedian in the world. Specifically lesbians. I know. There's something going on with me and lesbians. What is it? I wish we could get to the bottom of it.
9:45I know. But you know what is so funny? I love that you love lesbians so much. And it wouldn't even be possible for a lesbian to love gay guys as much. No. You know what I mean? No. It makes sense. I know. I see the path. I see the love like radiate from you on to lesbians. Yeah. And it couldn't go the other way. It could go to you, but to gay guys in general, the way that you are able to know couldn't happen. I know because the thing about gay guys is I love us. I love gay guys. I love being a gay guy. I love gay guys. Right. We are at the end of the day, men. That's the thing. And so it's tough.
10:26Like if you find yourself like standing a group of men, it's like, whoa. I know. It's not a cute look. No, I know. In this day and age. I remember years ago, I posted some video making fun of gay guys. And this gay guy responded like classic lesbians being homophobic. And I was like, I'm pretty sure you're a man. And that's what I'm joking about. I'm not joking about the fact that you're gay. Pretty sure I'm making fun of you for being a boy. I'm not saying like, and by the way, butt sex. What a fucking stupid thing. Like, what are you talking about? Yeah. So. I'll never criticize you. I know.
11:12I never have. I don't think I could even deserve it. I just wouldn't do that to you. I don't know what you could possibly criticize me about anyway. Yeah. Oh my God. Do you want to hear something that's been making me sick? Yeah. Okay. I was out with my friends the other day beautiful couple beautiful heterosexual couple we don't hold it against them they found love in a hopeless place they are a beautiful heterosexual couple who I love deeply I won't say their names just you know to be nice Michelle and Brock yes M &B is all I'll say but they were stressed out because they're building a library in Chicago right now and no I was with my beautiful straight couple friends and I'm going to throw up.
11:58I asked them how they met. They have a beautiful relationship. They're so great together. I asked them how they met. They like bumped into each other reading books in a coffee shop and started like making fun of what the other person was reading. And then she left the coffee shop and then a woman across from, that was sitting across from and turns to the guy and goes, you idiot, why didn't you get her number? No. He like runs out to catch her, can't find her, she's gone. And then a couple days later they like bump into each other on a train station. Oh my God. Sorry.
12:33They bump into each other. I'm going to throw up. They bump into each other on a train station. They start dating. It's raining when they get out of the train. So they have to step into a bodega. They exchange numbers. They start dating. They're now happily married. Yeah. I will kill myself before I ever hear a story like that again. My life means nothing. Completely. I have nothing. That's a meet cute in a movie where you're watching the movie and you're going, that's not realistic. Yeah. That's why that's fucked up. It's fucked up. It's because I would see that and go, that never happens. And when it does, like, I've had meet cutes where I meet someone and I'm like, oh my God, this is such a cute way to meet.
13:11And then it turns out to be like, it's not the perfect for your meet cute to happen. Your cutest meet cute to happen with your person. Like I've had a meet cute and then you go on a couple dates And you're like oh the meeting was cuter than that Yes and that's important because it grounds you Brings you back to reality But then this couple Who they sound amazing and I'm sure they are But they yeah that's the problem They think everything is perfect They're floating 10 feet high all the time Yeah I just don't like when that kind of stuff Happens to other people No it's not right It's not right at all And they're perfect for each other I don't like I don't even know if I've ever even had meet-cutes I feel like almost all every and I'm talking in broad range when I say relationship every relationship I've had pretty much has started from some sort of mistake or fuck up on my end yeah it's almost all been like I'm tumbling down a flight of stairs okay tell me about that that's just like how like I'm just like nothing cool has ever happened to me in that way the moment we kiss then I can be cool as fuck then I'm like I got this yeah like it's done deal.
14:20Yeah. And now I can be cool. Yeah. But like the way that it begins is always me being like sending typos in our first few texts and being like, fuck, sorry. Oh, fuck, sorry. You're saying fuck, sorry. First five texts like fuck, sorry. Just fucking up the you, your, your, you know what I mean? Yeah. Who are you in your relationship? Like what are you? In my current relationship? Yeah. Like what do you, what role do you play in the relationship? Do you think? Honestly, I, I play stay at home mom, even though I'm the breadwinner. See, this is, but the way that you, see, okay, stay at home mom, even though you're the breadwinner.
14:53Completely. What is giving stay at home mom? Like, I will cook, I will clean, I will, I'm practically unemployed, even though I do have a full time job. But that's like the entertainment industry, you know what I mean? It's like when I'm working, like working really hard, I'm an actor. You know what I mean? Yeah. So, you know, I might be working multiple days in a row. Yeah. But it's not going to compare to anyone else's jobs. But I will say, like, since I was a kid, like, I always remember seeing stay-at-home moms and being like, that does look fucking sick. It's a good gig. Oh, my God. Heaven.
15:37It's a good gig, yeah. Heaven on earth. Not to say it's not difficult. Stay-at-home mom community, get out of the comments before you even get in there. It's difficult. It's labor. Oh, of course. But it's a sweet gig. They're working. Yeah. They're working the kids. Yeah, they're working. Yeah. But they're working in their house. Right. In pajamas, and that's lovely. I also do that, and I'm very lucky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I love that shit. Right. That's the other thing is, like, there are times I don't need to. I mean, I could not leave the house for a full week at a time almost. Really? That's the way my job goes.
16:07Yeah. I get depressed quick. Well, I do too, but that's not, like, that's what's getting me out of the house. You know what I mean? I need an external factor to get me out of the house. What works the best? Usually work. Yeah. Okay. Nice. My work often won't take me out of the house unless it's to come. I mean, I guess that's not true. I just mean, like on a day-to-day when I have free time, there's nothing. Like any work that I need to do that can be done from home, writing emails, whatever the fuck. Will be done from. Can be done from home. If I stay home alone for more than 26 hours, I'm going to a dark place.
16:44Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm getting, and it's not that I don't like spending time with myself. I just need to like spend time with myself at the park, at the grocery store, at the apartment. Like I have to see other people. Don't have to talk to them. I just have to be around other people and things than my house. Something just happens. Well, you know what is affecting my mental health in this way? Tell me now. Is that I live in a garden level unit. You do. And so like my bedroom, like technically there are windows, but I would be facing the street at eye level. Yeah. So I have to have curtains.
17:22Yeah. Almost lost that word completely, by the way. I have to have. Cover the windows. Cover the windows. My brain went. They cover the windows. Curtains. So I have to have curtains. And then in my living room and kitchen, like I have natural light, but like, again, like I'm on the ground. Yeah. And so for me, it's like, if I'm home for multiple days in a row, it doesn't even feel like that because there's no time in my apartment. Yeah. There's no daylight and there's no nighttime. Yeah. Because every hour of the day, the lamps are on. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. The time in your apartment is always apartment.
17:55Oh, I've Googled so much recently. like, like Reddit thread garden level apartment makes me want to die.
18:06And honestly, not enough. There's not enough Reddit threads as I thought there would be. Yeah. There's like one where it's like, yeah, I moved out of it and I did feel better. And I remember being like, no, no, no, no, no. We need to get, we need to talk. How do we fix the garden unit? We seriously need to talk. None of us are okay. Right? Yeah. It's crazy. Do you think I'll move out? Yeah, one day. Yeah. Okay. my rent is really good. Yeah.
18:33And that's kind of just what I'm working with at this point. Yeah. It's really hard. Like, you know, even if I know I can afford more, rent is just one of those things where it's like, well, if I can save on that, I might as well. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? 100%. And also in New York, truly, I would be doubling my rent. To find something similar. Yes, because that's actually how good my rent is. I've been to your place. I know. it's pretty gorgeous. It's great. It's a great place. Right. Did you notice the lack of windows? Yeah. I can't, I will kill myself. No, completely. If I live in a garden unit, that's the truth.
19:07I can't, I found some, there's two things I can't do. Yeah. I found some incredible apartments in New York that I look at it and it's a garden unit. Can't do it no matter what, no matter how great everything else is. I personally can't do it. And then there's nothing I found where I'm like, Whoa, this apartment is awesome. What's going on here? Why is this like so cheap? And then you do the Google street view and then you turn two feet to the left and there's a highway. Yes. Like a raised highway. That happens a lot. Yeah. Well, you know, on Street Easy specifically, I feel like you look up like Fort Greene because it's like, you know, everyone in your work is like, that's the ideal place to live.
19:46You know what I mean? And it's like, but one block outside of Fort Greene is under a highway and that's where all the open apartments are. Yeah. So it's kind of like, otherwise you're not getting, you're not living anywhere. And also those, those apartments, their entire business model is trick someone into living here for one year. Right. They'll leave. Right. As soon as that lease is up, they'll leave. Right. But you trick a newcomer to the city into living here for one year and then they'll go. Yeah. They're turning those apartments over every 12 months. Did you feel like you got tricked when you moved to New York for the first time?
20:16Like, did you get duped at all? No, they hadn't gotten rid of broker's fees yet. And I paid a psychotic. I want to say my broker's fee was in the six or seven thousands. I did that once as well. Of money that I, it was just like, you can't get this apartment unless you pay. It was highway robbery. Oh no, like that money's actually gone. Yeah. I remember leaving that apartment where I paid a crazy broker's fee. And, and when I moved out, I kind of was like, oops. Yeah. That wasn't worth it at all. Yeah. Like it doesn't matter that I was there for over two years. Like, I know that's not even that long, but I'm like, it really doesn't matter.
20:51Like every day, just a few dollars were slipping out of my pocket because of that. More than a few. More than a few. Yeah, more than a few. Yeah. I mean, that's crazy. Yeah.
21:03People who work in real estate, many of them need to go to prison. Totally. Many of them are doing unfathomable crimes. And I will completely agree with you and even add my mom's a real estate agent. Totally. And I don't know how she's doing her business. She needs to be locked up.
21:23Lock him up, lock her up. Lock her up. Your mom is one of my favorite people. I know. She is so completely epic. She's an icon. She really is awesome. She's everything to me. She's the reason I get out of bed in the morning. She's the light of my life. She's who I thank at award shows. She is the mother of my children in some ways. Absolutely. She's my mother in many ways. Because you guys do have children together. You just are very absent. Yes, we do. and she knew I was a snake when she picked me up. Right. And by the way, it was crazy she got pregnant in her 70s. Yes. But that's the way things go.
21:57I'm extremely virile. It's not a word I've ever heard before. So I got your mom pregnant in her 70s. Whatever, dude. Wait, what does virile mean? Technical definition, I think it just means like male version of fertile. Okay. Chance fact check me. Virile. I think so. V-U-O? V-I-R-I-A-L Oh, I've seen it. I just never thought to say it out loud. I don't think that's the one. That's virile. I think it's V-I-R-I-L-E. That's one of my other favorite words, virile. V-I-what? V-I-R-I-L-E. You can just put it on the screen. I dare you. I dare you to put it on the screen. Let us see it on the screen.
22:42Virile, yeah. Having strength, energy, and strong sex drive. Okay. That is how I would describe you. Yeah. I thought it was more about like the technical like fertility of my seed. You were hoping it was specifically about semen. Yeah. I wanted it to be about my seed. Right. Right. How do you feel about me calling semen my seed? I think it's amazing. I really appreciate it. Do you like that? I love it a lot. Do you like that? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Nice. Well, it's just a, you know, calling it your seed. It's an easy way to slip it into any conversation ever. Yeah. Oh, the other day I was spilling some seed.
23:13Right. Right. Right. Yeah. That was one of my favorite parts of the Bible as a kid Is the spilling your seed part? They were like thou shalt not spill Thou seed outside of a womb On the earth And I was like spilling seed is a sick bar actually No it is a good like It's a perfect alliteration It just works Yeah coming is so like what are you an animal? I know But spilling seed is a bit like aww I know Well spilling seed is also like the way that I do like to think about it Yeah When I really sit down and I think about sex Straight sex Yeah I know you're speaking of gay sex But I'm speaking of straight sex Yeah When I think about it, that's how I like to think about it Yeah Yes, the man spills his seed Yes And the stork brings that baby in Yeah, I also like I think my favorite part of it is spill Because it implies that it's always sort of a haphazard accident Right I spilled my seed in there.
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24:12Like I knocked over a glass of my seed. Oh, fuck. I spilled my fucking seed. Oh, whoops. I'm so fucking sorry. Oh, I dropped my seed again. God damn. Yeah, it's kind of like goofy. It slipped out of my pocket. It's like Mr. Bean or something. Yes, it is. It's like, oh, there goes my seed again. God. Yeah, whole time it's come. The whole time. Whole time it's come. It never switches throughout the whole story. Yeah. Hey, by the way, you want to know something I realized? I wish you would tell me. This is my first time ever going on a podcast for the second time. Really? Mm-hmm. Oh, I find that hard to believe.
24:44I know. You're such a fabulous guest. I think that's true. You are. As I said it, I'm kind of like, maybe it's not. No, I think it's true. Do you think it's true that this is your first time being a second timer? Mm-hmm. Wow. And so I figure I just, you know, I know we've already spoken some bits, but I figure I'll just from here on out do the same things I did last time. Yeah? Yeah. What were they? Same stories. I remember from the first time you were on Probably my favorite memory of having you on Was you talking about You were like I was so convinced that I was straight in high school I thought it was ironic that I was on the softball team Completely That is an all-timer That is an all-timer And like I think what I like about that story Is that people are like Come on, she had to know And it's like No, I didn't I didn't have to know anything I didn't have to know shit I'm an idiot I was so focused on not failing out of seventh grade.
25:37Yeah. You know what I mean? Like I didn't think about sexuality. No way. Yeah. What do I, what do I look like thinking about sexuality? I'm literally about to flunk out of middle school. And also I think I might've said this, that on the last podcast, but I do want to reiterate like the boys that I grew up with were smoking hot. Yeah. Say that. So I seriously am like, how was I to know? Yeah. The girls I grew up with dumb as fuck, stupid. Really? yes so you had these stupid girls these dumb the girls were fucking idiots the boys were fine I was surrounded by disgusting dumb girls bimbos yeah and sexy sexy boys yeah these are like 6th and 7th graders yeah I can speak unto high school as well unto high school as well that's so interesting yeah heterosexuality it briefly of course plagued me and God, I'm happy it didn't stick.
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27:13Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light, and slowly the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress, a hoodie slips beneath a blazer, an old cap finds a new scarf. because you don't simply step into the season. You create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross. Do you think about, is there a turning point in your life where had something gone a little bit differently, you would have never come out? That's a really good question, Grace. Okay. No. I think in every lifetime I come out. Whoa. I really do. I just feel it was so overwhelming.
28:04That actually makes me emotional. That's so cute. I'm like, I just don't think I'm capable. I don't think, I guess maybe if I had a different mom. Sure. Maybe that would be the thing. But that's too far. Like, then you wouldn't exist, right? Then it wouldn't be me, yeah. Right. I'm like, with my mom, there's no way. Yeah. Oh, that's so cute. Yeah, I just am so like, I am too opinionated and was encouraged to be opinionated. and I don't see how I could ever. What about you? Well, first of all, that is so cute. And shout out to your mom. Shout out Kelly. Oh my God, Kelly. She's all right. Unbelievable.
28:37Don't mind her at all. I've thought about it like maybe if, okay, from high school, I went to Skidmore College, which is a small liberal arts school in upstate New York. And it was like, if I didn't get into Skidmore, I would have gone to University of Arizona probably. Yeah. And I do think I would probably be straight if I went there. Really? Yeah, I don't see me being in sorority life. I know you were in a fraternity, but I don't see me as the drinker that I was specifically in high school going to a sorority and realizing anything about myself. I feel you would only be more lesbian. I don't know.
29:20To be in a sorority at Arizona State, those girls are munching rug. Okay, but I went to an all girls high school. Yeah, and you weren't doing anything? And I had not a single clue. That's crazy. So what were you thinking? I know. You were just getting drunk with these girls and it was never coming up? No. That's so funny to me. I mean, no, that's not true. I had some weird sexual moments with my friends. That's not true. Hold on. That's not true. I'm like, literally, no, Caleb, we didn't do anything. And then I'm like, well, we used to lay next to each other and do some sorts of shit. Yeah. But it still wasn't like gay in my head.
29:55Right. It was like, I don't even want to get more specific. What's good about loving a friend? Yeah. And having like a guy in your class on video chat. Like, hello. You know what I mean? As you're kind of doing stuff. Yeah. Right. It's for him. If it's for him, it's straight. Right. Yeah. So. So what's the problem? I'm not sure. Yeah. But yeah, I do still think there's a chance I would have never come out. Really? But I think I would have to be a really different person. Of course. And I think it would be dark. And I do think perhaps I would be like, all right. Yeah. Whoa. Not that I think I'm capable of that, but I'm just saying like.
30:31Honey, we're all capable of that. We're all capable of that. All it takes is like one bad, one bad day for anyone to be like, you know what? I'm picking up the alt-right flag. I just think it's like if I went to University of Arizona, if I found myself in sorority life amongst too many Republican friends, who knows what would have happened? Yeah. Maybe I would have never come out. At the least, I'd be working for Barstool. Minimum. At the least. Bare minimum. Bare minimum, you'd be at Barstool. And by the way, I've thought about that a lot. I'm like, there really was like, because I went to a liberal arts school, that's why I'm not on Barstool.
31:09Also, I was kidding earlier when I said that anyone can be all right. Right. No, I know. You are always making jokes on this podcast. Well, that's the thing is I need to tighten up a little bit. Because people think everything you say is serious. No, I just think it would be nice to get more serious. You know, I'm getting older. I think it would be nice to get a little bit more serious. I think so, too. You know, stop kidding around so much. Well, honey, you're wearing a hat inside. You know what I mean? If you really want to take yourself seriously, you'd start making these choices. What did you say about my hat?
31:37You're wearing a hat inside. Is that not? I don't think that's something that... What's the word I'm thinking of? That intellectuals... intellectuals is the word that I struggle to think of. Okay. Intellectuals do. You don't think I'm intellectual because of the hat? Yeah. Well, I think if anything, it could be a fedora. Yeah, really? Would you be so serious right now? Yeah. What would you do if I was wearing it? Like if you had walked in here today and I was wearing a fedora and no one was commenting on it, would you say something? I would have thought it was like a nod to me because I'm a lesbian.
32:12I would have been like, oh, Caleb, you goofy guy. Yeah. But if you looked at me and were like, hmm, then I would have gone fully red in the face. Yeah. Peed my pants a little bit. Yeah. And been very, very scared. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Good to know. That kind of shows the power you have, too. That's nice. Right. Oh, I love to be powerful. Yeah, I love that. That's really nice. Yeah. Oh, my God. Is there ever a time in your life you wore a fedora? Yes. Oh. Yes. You know when it was? What? I let a bunch of kids on a mission trip, on a youth group mission trip, talk me into shaving my head into the George Costanza haircut.
32:59Wait, which was what again? Hair on the side, bald on top. I let them shave my head like that. And then I was like, guys, okay, it's funny. We got the picture. Shave the rest of it off. And they're like, no. And I was like, what? And so then they're like, no, you should keep it like this for the whole mission trip. And I was like, okay. Because they were like, that'd be funny. And I was like, okay. And so then I was like, it's really funny. But then we have to go out to like dinner and it's not so funny. So I was like, it's funny when it's just us, but at dinner, it's not very funny. Right. So I bought a fedora and I wore a fedora over my bald spot.
33:32And then I got, oh, I spent too much money. I spent like about a pretty expensive fedora. Yeah. And I accidentally spent too much of my money on it. So then I ran out of food money. No. And then my youth pastor had to lend me money. No. And my mom called me and was like, hey, did the youth pastor have to give you money because you spent too much on a fedora after you shaved your head? And I said, yeah. And then she goes, okay, we'll talk about it when you get home. Have fun. And I was like, okay. And that's kind of my fedora journey. Right. And I bet this is going to strike the chord of millions of people.
34:05You are seriously not alone. I speak for, we are Charlie Kirk. we shave our head at youth group we are all caleb i just have to say like you are smart though because if you are trying to tell people i have hair yes but i need to cover the top fedora is the move i am we are you are caleb harren i am caleb harren yes we are all we are all caleb harren there's nobody who's not caleb harren no nobody nobody everybody listening to this You are Caleb Herron Yes Print the shirts Caleb You are Caleb Herron Thank you We are all Caleb Herron We are all Caleb Herron And then it's a picture of me In a fedora Where you can kind of tell That my head is shaved half bald Yeah you see just the sliver Yeah Cause it's glimmering It's shining I have a picture of it somewhere Oh I would love to see Why don't I try to find it Okay Really quick I'm also looking You were a chance I'm looking for it Wow We are Caleb Herron You know what year it was?
35:08Buddy If you think I know stuff like that 2009 Like 15-ish Yeah In 2009 I would have been 14, 15, yeah This is going to take way too long Do you know what, I'm not even kidding While I was scrolling, do you know what just came up, Grace? What? This picture of us That picture is so cute We are so cute It's really a good What year was this? This was 2018 So cute I was so in love with you then I know me too God knows what happened That time was Oh my god This is the closest we're gonna get I think Yeah so that's when they finally shaved the rest of it off Oh my god I'm obsessed Look at how cute your head is That's when they finally shaved the rest of it off By the way I meant to say this A couple minutes ago when you were just telling this story But I do know you could rock a buzz cut You think so?
36:05In this current day You think so? Yeah. I get scared of it. I know because you do. So cute. Take these away. You do have like really good hair and that has been consistent for many a years since I've known you. Thank you. But there's something just about like your skin tone and your hair where I know the buzz cut will work because that's where buzz cuts can get scary. Yeah. Is when someone's the way that those two things contrast, it's not working, but yours, it does. Mm hmm. I'm scared. No. I'm scared. I'm serious. No. Because I want one. Yeah. I want a buzz cut. Right. Maybe think about how easy showers will be.
36:49You won't have to cry before you get in. You know, that tells you like you can't do it. Right. And then you have your good friend sit across from you and say that you could. Right. That's me. You know? I am Caleb Heron. We are all Caleb Heron.
37:06yeah maybe I'll do it yeah you know what I've had to have a petrifying thought of by the way is that are you really I got a little bit of tears I was kind of walked in in the scene there for a moment yeah it was beautiful being in the scene with you it was really beautiful and you really I'd stand by what I said we are killing what were you saying okay so God bless me one day I will play a lesbian in a TV show or a movie. I don't think so. One day. One day it'll happen. I don't think so. No, I know because they are too busy casting straight people. Yes. However, this is not a political statement, by the way.
37:47Be careful. People are getting in trouble for saying that now. Straight people are great actors. I've always said that. Yeah. But I do kind of think that if I only have one role in my lifetime, one lesbian role in my lifetime, there's a good chance that it's some for some reason a lesbian in the 80s wow i just think that's in the cards for me if that is true we're talking really really short hair yeah and i just do feel like you know if i'm gonna finally get my role of playing a lesbian in something it's gonna be with the most fucking stupid haircut i've ever had to experience in my whole life and i will just have to have that yeah are you gonna get the cut for real i think i will because i'm a serious actor okay i can't wait i have i auditioned for something somewhat recently where they were like would love to know if you would cut your hair and it was a really bad haircut and i told my agent like let's say yes and she was like no grace i don't think you should she was genuinely before i even got a callback for the role she was like i don't know like i don't think it will look that good yeah like she was really protecting me there you have to wake up the day this movie wraps yeah exactly and be you still you still have to live in that hair but i was ready because i'm really serious you're committed yeah you studied at juilliard and what didn't you i didn't study at juilliard caleb i taught oh fuck i'm sorry yeah how did how was that how did that come about i don't know i was 13 yeah and i honestly was just walking around that campus wherever it is you're walking around jubiard when you were 13 okay and i started talking to some people and slowly people started gathering more and more and more yeah and next thing i knew they they asked me to come back the next day what were you talking about what was i talking about what were you talking about that people were gathering i was taught i was honestly talking about process yeah yeah it was i was talking about process i was talking about you know having a routine because at 13 that's all you have.
39:53Sorry just so I'm clear because I want to make sure I understand when you were 13 living in Los Angeles you were walking around the campus of Juilliard which is? In New York talking about process and routine and people started gathering and they liked it so much they asked you to come back the next day and when you when you went back the next day, just so I understand, you were offered a teaching position? Yes. It was a salary position, which by the way, I wasn't making a lot. You know, teachers don't make a lot. It was like 65K. So obviously for 13, that was pretty good. But you know, hindsight, it wasn't that great.
40:38Had you taught before that? Yeah. Where? It's embarrassing. Harvard. Yeah. I know. It's humiliating. Yeah. Because now you're part of the problem. Well, and it also just wasn't Harvard, though. Like, it was Harvard Law. Yeah, fuck. And so, yeah. At 12, 11, 10, not 9. 9, yeah. Stop. Yeah. You were teaching at Harvard Law when you were 9. Yeah. Wow. Honestly, same exact situation, by the way. Yeah. I was just walking around the campus. Talking about process and routine. Yeah. As you do. you were also on Epstein's flight logs well that's where things get tricky with my history because there's a lot of things Wikipedia says about me and that thing that it says about me that was when you were much older that was like two years ago he had already passed you were just still taking the plane and so cause that's the thing is like I just do feel like no one when they were trying to release Epstein's list no one was saying if they were on it or not so I honestly He just raised my hand.
41:43Yeah. And that's unfair because he had already passed when you were on the jet. Exactly. It wasn't even going to that place anymore. No. So it really was just bad luck. Yeah. Like wrong place, wrong time. Yeah. That whole thing was a mess. He was a friend. Right. Yeah. And we, I mean, you were very close to being there also. On the island. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I couldn't make it. He had asked me. Jeffrey had texted me and said hey we're going to get the jet to the island this weekend. Do you want to come? We're going to get into some stuff. And I had said what kind of stuff are you getting into?
42:21And he said I don't really text about it. It'll come through. Right. And I was going to go but I was on my way to the airstrip. I was making my way to the airstrip. I was city biking and a voice yelled out to me. Okay. And said Caleb. And I turned and it was, oh, I forget his name. He was the mayor of New York for a time. Rudy Giuliani. It was Rudy. Yeah. And do you remember Rudy Giuliani from being the mayor of New York? Yeah, I do. He was yelling out to me from a bodega. And I looked over. This is 2013. Yeah. And I looked over and he was in there with Barack Obama. And what was her name? Hillary?
43:20No, she was already on the island. I was going to meet up with her there. This was the girl who played, it was Rudy Giuliani, Barack Obama, and the girl who played the lead girl in Saved by the Bell. I never watched that show Kelly Kelly Ripa Kelly what was her name Jennifer not Jennifer Love Hewitt the girl that played the lead in Saved by the Bell the lead girl in Saved by the Bell Brunette the actress's name Tiffany Theason it was Rudy, Barack and Tiffany they were playing dice and
44:03and he said come play dice with us and I did and then we got crossfaded in there and I missed the fucking fight. And so I still don't know what they got up to. I know that is like that I know that's one of your biggest regrets. Yeah. Yeah. Tiffany's incredible at cards and dice. Really? Yeah she really is something. So you guys were doing dice and you were like playing poker? Yeah well it ended up being a long night. Yeah I woke up A bender. It was a bender. yes for lack of a better term and uh yeah i woke up rudy had left around three or four he went to afters at club coming or something there was something going on he was trying to get a group he was like let's go to club coming i was like i was just there the other night and um i woke up with uh not in the same bed but in a hotel room in atlantic city with Barack and yeah the cast of Saved by the Bell had come through.
45:08Really all of them had come through. That's so cool they're all so close. Yeah they are and yeah we had ended up in Atlantic City. But it was fun to see those guys. I hadn't seen them in a minute. Right. And yeah that's one of those things about New York. You're doing this and you're not even making eye contact with me. So it's like
45:32it's like the most trying to be like how long is he going here it's the most useless bit to begin with yeah but then to also never let it in is amazing is i think i think it's an all-timer i think i mean what do we think that was for four minutes minimum that's new york you know you go out thinking your night's gonna be one thing you end up at the and then that's new york that's new york yeah that's new york to me that's my new york anyway at this point do you feel like okay New York is so fucking awesome. What do you mean? Because you've lived here for a little bit now. A little bit. But you still kind of go all over.
46:05Yep. So now are you like I love New York or are you like New York is still kind of New York to me? Well here's the funny thing. My friends in New York. Because you were pretty LA pilled for a while. Here we go. Okay so this is exactly what I'm talking about. I'm not trying to go into that conversation. I'm just saying. I just don't want to. Yeah I don't want to have tension. I don't want to have confrontation. A lot of my friends who lived in New York before I moved here they're like you totally flip-flopped on New York. And I'm like that's actually not true. I have always loved New York and always hated many things about New York and I still hate all of those things about New York and I live here anyway why did that happen?
46:35well I love LA but I was tired of being 29 years old and texting people to go out and do stuff and they're telling me that they're in bed and it's 9pm I couldn't do it anymore I was like this is going to be really appropriate in 15 years right now everyone needing to get to bed so they can wake up for a sunrise yoga class Right. That's not the space that I'm in. I know, I know. And I'm not even a partier or anything like that. I just want to be doing stuff. Yeah. So I'm loving New York. Yeah. People do things. Yeah. People have a life here. People do stuff. Right. And that's LA. It's like very, people do stuff in LA for sure.
47:11But it's just my most frequent experience in LA was that, myself included, we would go out to a dinner or a drink and then the night was over. Yep. And I'm like, I'm looking for a little more activity right now. Definitely. That's all. Yeah. Yeah. And that is what New York has. And when I go to L.A., I find myself falling asleep just being there. Yeah. At the wheel. Yeah, I'm falling asleep at the wheel. No, it is nice. I mean, it's like I did have a great time in L.A. I liked, like, there's something really great about the pace in L.A. sometimes. It could be lovely. Yeah. When you want that pace, L.A.
47:46is to die for. Yeah. But I also get that when I go to Kansas City. I'm like, Kansas City has stuff going on. I know. But it's, like, a nice place to, like, relax as well. So how do I feel about New York? Well, I love it. I just need to know when I'm supposed to come to Kansas City. Anytime. Let's go. Can you tell me, like, give me, like, an option or two of, like, best weekends to come. Yeah. And I'll be there. Okay. Unless you feel like it's actually so all around awesome that I just can come at any time. You can come at any time and we'll have a great time. Yeah. I would say I'm kind of encouraging everyone all the time to come for the benefit show for the tenant union.
48:24It's in the fall Yeah It's always a blast Right And it's like a big fun night And a great thrill every time Yeah Um You can come to Kansas anytime babe Yeah Come stay at my house I can't wait Holmes and I were just talking about Doing a writing retreat Uh there To finish up some projects That we need to finish Not together Who was Who did you say? Uh Holmes Chelsea Holmes I'm unfamiliar completely Do you know They were Um They were an IO person No Non-binary I don't think so Uh A lot of overalls When we were in Chicago really dark brunette for a couple months, one year yeah, no, I don't know yeah, non-binary, used to drink quite a bit you'd think I'd be familiar, but no right, I'm trying to think if there's anything else I don't think I know who that is they were in Overcompensating, Benny Skinner's show I know every I feel like I can list everyone on that cast but I don't know the name you're saying I just don't know it obviously tough, I'm not super close with them, but I used to be right right right but that sounds amazing yeah and i will i will join for that grace i have a question for you yeah what is so true to you oh my god okay i feel i here's what i need to preface this with okay i'm absolutely open to i'm completely open to like any um thoughts people have on this but i want to just say i'm really passionate about it and so i really want people to before they kind of go, what?
49:52Just stick with me here, okay? Okay. What's so true is that Christmas should be in February or March. Yeah, easy. Oh, thank you. Done, yes, yeah. Okay, and my main reasoning being that we're filming this right now in December. Yes, we are. And it's like, I'm having an amazing time. It snowed a couple days ago. There's still snow outside, which is fucking beautiful. Yeah. The snow is not dirty and all the Christmas lights and everything are up and it's magical. In February and March, New York specifically will look so horrible. Yes. And as did Chicago when we lived there and as in upstate New York when I've lived there.
50:33Yeah. It will look so horrible and there's not a Christmas light to be seen. We need the cheer. We need the cheer. My also, can I just say. Yeah. Two major holidays in November and January already. Thanksgiving and my birthday. Yep. So to have Christmas in December is a little bit like, let's just like relax, move it to March when it's needed. When it's needed. Yeah. That's what Jesus would want. I like that. And here's the deal is also, it gives us time to like admire and, and celebrate these other holidays, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa. Yeah. Christmas just absolutely fucking steamrolls the others. Yeah.
51:13It's not right. Yeah. And it's potentially important to know that Christmas, it does come from a fictional storybook. Yeah. And so I do think let's change it. Let's change it. Let's take what we can. Okay. We can't change. What's it called when now the lights, the sun goes down early? Winter. No, you guys know the equinox. No, come on. Daylight savings. We can't change daylight savings. they won't let us. We should though. We should but I swore a few years ago there was major articles saying that someone was trying. Do you know what I've been saying for a long time? What? It should be one time everywhere.
51:59That's so fucked up. I already know. Hold on. If it's 1pm in New York and it's daytime then it's 1pm in Australia. It's 1pm in London and it just means different times for different places. It's 1 p.m. everywhere. You go, hey, do you want to have a phone call at 1 p.m. tomorrow? You say that? Everyone, it's 1 p.m., but some people would say no because 1 p.m. is the middle of their night. So then you go, it's like, okay, so you know how you have to do so much math about the times. That's easy for me, but continue. It's easy for me too. I love addition. It's one of my favorite math forms. Okay. And subtraction.
52:40Okay. Well, I'm not saying it's difficult. I'm just saying it's silly and superfluous to be doing that. We could have one time everywhere. Okay. I'm hearing you. Like, I want to be fully agreeing with you. Okay. I just have a few questions. Ask them. My first question is like, so then like what hours of the day do people work? They work whatever the like daylight, like, so they work like whatever. Okay. So you know how you, you know, you said that like five times. You know how right now it's like nine to five. Yeah. That's like the classic one, right? That's the classic one. That's totally classic.
53:15It's the one I know and love. That's the totally classic one. Yeah. But instead, it would be like, okay, you're going to work sunrise for seven hours or whatever. We would find a way to do it. Okay. Okay. I like that. People waking up at sunrise every day. No. It's like we would find a standard way. That's kind of where I wanted your answer to go. So it is still based on sunrise. It's based on sunrise. But I think the tricky part is then like, you know, sunrise changes a couple minutes or so every day, maybe. Totally. That would seem right, guys. So what I'm saying is like you wouldn't do it day by day.
53:51Okay. Like say we were going to set New York as the standard. Okay. That you'd say, okay, New York's workday is nine to five. Well, that means that LA's workday would be like, you know, freaking.
54:08and theirs would be like whatever their hours were. Of course. Don't make the man do math. So it'd be like, okay, ours is nine to five. There's is noon to eight because that's out there. Do you know what I mean? Like that's where the sun, do you understand? You know what I'm saying? I think so. Because the sun, well, the sun rotates. Yep. Yep. So I just want to make sure though that we are not having, are you having places where it will be dark for their work hours? No. Okay, so you're trying to avoid that. Is that my question to you? I'm avoiding that. That's totally avoided. Me saying, is that my question to you?
54:51That's your question to me. Because I'm that confused right now. And I've avoided it. And I want to tell you when we make this change, we're also going to a four-day work week. Yeah, that's huge. We're going to a four-day work week. That is so impactful, Caleb. Yeah, Monday through Thursday. I really want you to follow through on this. Monday through Thursday. No, I don't want you to, I don't want to text you in a week and you go, oh, I dropped this idea. No. No. I want you to really make this happen. I think you can. Four day work week is the moderate proposal. Yeah. Five and two is one of the most fucked up things I've ever heard.
55:23Because I literally, and I really am saying this with so much immense privilege because I rarely work five days a week. Yeah. But I seriously, it's like Friday at 6 p.m. comes around and I'm like, great, it's already Saturday. Yeah. And then Saturday, well, that's Monday, honey. Yeah. That's how depressing it feels. Sunday's Tuesday, yeah. It's not right. It's not right. This isn't working. I remember a friend of mine, his job like maybe six years ago switched to four days a week and like actually productivity in his whole work. I know this is like everyone knows this kind of thing and Europe does this shit all the time.
56:00But the productivity over his whole workplace, like every employee went up 40%. Yeah. Well, because a lot of those places that have switched to four day work weeks, they put in other protocols as well where it's like no meetings without an agenda. No agendas longer than a page. Like they put things in place. Which is a bummer because my favorite kind of meeting has no agenda. Right. But I understand it for people who are at work. For productivity. Yeah. For productivity. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Europeans are lazy. Is that what it is? I'll let you say that. They just fuck off for the middle of entire days and whole months.
56:33Yeah. Sorry. I like, I do. I'm actually going back. We're going to keep the times the way they are and we're going to work eight to seven. Really? Yeah. I just decided. Eight to seven? I love America. I just got really pro-America. Five days a week? Are you going to five now? No, I don't think Europeans are lazy. I'm quite jealous, and that's where that came from. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm jealous of the way they treat work. Right. I mean, yeah, you see their salaries, and you go, I understand why you're getting the time off. Well, okay. I mean, no, that is crazy. Europe gets, they, I mean, my friend who lives in France, she has, like, all of August off.
57:02Yeah. All of it. Yeah. How is that possible? I'm unsure. I'm jealous. I'm completely jealous. Yeah. It pisses me off. But here's something with my Christmas idea. Say it. I realize that the hardest mental block for people will be that, you know, Christmas time is our biggest like work break of the year. Right. But I'm saying we're adding more. I'm saying now we keep our Christmas time off. Yes. For Hanukkah and Kwanzaa. Yes. And for New Year's. I want to thank you, by the way, for adding Kwanzaa into the whole mix. Of course. You've been really fighting for Kwanzaa. I'm really fighting for Kwanzaa.
57:39And that's beautiful. Well, absolutely. Yeah. Do I know really very much about Hanukkah or Kwanzaa? No. No. But you know what? That's okay. Realistically, I know very little about Christmas as well. I know little about much. Yeah. I know Santa honey. Honey, heart of them. That's what I know. Yeah. So what I'm saying is if we do Christmas in, I want to do February, but let's say March. Why not? Yeah. But maybe we should do February just so there's still snow on the ground. Do you know what else we could do? Hmm. Every month, we work the first, second, and third week of the month. Ooh, hold on. What about this?
58:19Okay. January. Yeah. We work. We don't work the first week of the month. Why would be? Second, third, and fourth, we work. Yeah. Then we work the first, second, and third of February. We don't work the fourth week of February. We don't work the first week of March. and we keep going in that pattern where there's like six weeks in a row sometimes where we're all working, but then there's two weeks where we're not. And we do that all year round, baby. I think that's how it should be. That's a good one. Because the moment that like a couple like national holidays are over near the beginning of the year, it honestly, looking at the calendar is really dark.
59:00It's tough. It's really dark. You'll be in like February and you'll be like, oh shit. so we're straight up waiting until 4th of July. Yeah, that's our next break. To have a day off. Yeah, but in my system, it's not like that. I know. And I think, this is what I'll say to whoever's listening, if anybody is in charge of this, how we do this, I'll keep the time the way it is. I will give on the time as a concession if we do my weeks plan. Yeah, yeah. If anyone listening has control over that stuff. But you don't want to do, you want to do six weeks. Well I just thought it would be nice Because then it creates the reality Where we have two weeks off in a row sometimes I know and the two weeks off is very special Especially for vacation kind of stuff Vacation But I was thinking like what if just the first week of every month is off Well I thought that too But then the reality is you never get two weeks in a row off I know Unless you want to use your PTO Right Yeah You could use it for your own two weeks I'm talking to friends with corporate jobs Like my friend last week was like What are you doing today?
1:00:01And I was like I'm like, you know, waiting to see if I'm going into work or not. But what are you doing? And he's like, I took the week off. And I was like, how? And he's like, I had vacation time I had to use. And I truly am like, what does that mean? Yeah. How, that doesn't make any sense. Like, I'm happy for him. But that's why corporate America is so bizarre. It's crazy. He literally was like, yeah, I'm not going anywhere. So I just am going to take a week off, even though I'm at home in New York. Yeah. Just because. He should. I know, I know. You have to take that time. I know, but it's just so funny.
1:00:34Yeah. I guess I've just never worked a corporate job in my whole life. I have. I did service to this. You did. Yeah. You did. I remember that. Yeah. I remember that. And I remember you and your corporate job. Yeah, it was not pretty. Crazy. It was not pretty. No, it wasn't. I was showing up to those offices with an outsized attitude. I do feel like you were like borderline getting in trouble sometimes. Honey, borderline. Okay. I was in trouble. That's what I thought. It wasn't even getting in. I existed in trouble. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, I was, yeah, I would hit the sweet spot. I would get a new job and I would do, I would do what I call hitting the sweet spot, which is where you work a little hard for two weeks when everybody over personality style, take all your sick days quickly, take any PTO that you've accrued and then just kind of wait for them to fire you or quit.
1:01:20Right, right. I, yeah, I was really, I was focused on comedy only. Yeah. Was not worried about those day jobs. Well, no. And why would you have been? Didn't care about benefits. because I was also like, I'm on my mom's health insurance. Sure. Until she's a nurse. So I was on her health. I was lucky to have like a decent health insurance plan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's amazing. I was like, I got to Chicago when I was 21 or something, 21, 22. And I was like, I got a couple years of not having to think about benefits. Right. I'm doing whatever I want. Yeah. Also how like amazing, but also depressing that the only thing that you really cared about was health insurance.
1:01:52Yeah. And that's what most people cannot get at all. That's why they don't. I'm like, oh my God. That's why they don't want us to universalize health insurance is because it would disincentivize so many people from working bad jobs. Exactly, exactly. They want us to... Michelle, what's going on over there? Oh, food's here. Food's here. I didn't know we were still ordering food. I love that. Did I get something? Nice. I got something too, by the way. Did you? Yay, we're going to eat lunch soon. Just something for you to know. What? Your lunch that your crew got. Yeah. Today, this is how my boy is doing.
1:02:29This restaurant is my I'm really going to ball out for takeout tonight restaurant. It's only my sushi spot where I'm like, I can't believe I'm doing this. Let's go. So you're so happy. Yeah, I'm really fucking happy. Making you happy is my only goal. I know. Do you want to play a game? Yeah. Okay. Grace.
1:02:56Miserable already just seeing that clipboard. Come on. You know what time it is. Grace, I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false. If you get 10 or more correct, we're going to give you 50 US dollars. That's it? It hasn't gone up since last time I was here? No. Now you get sushi. The Foo Fighters formed in 2000. False. False, 1994. Michelle Obama went to Yale for undergrad. True? False, Princeton. Mobile is the capital of Alabama. True. False. Montgomery The clown from Stephen King's It is named Pennywise. True. True.
1:03:32The blackberry was invented in California. True. False. Waterloo, Canada. Skidmore College was originally the Young Women's Industrial Club. True. True. Dogs have three eyelids. False. True. Fuck. Marge Simpson's mother's name is Madeline. True. False. Jacqueline Mariska Hargitay went to Hoover High School. False. False. Marymount High School. Identical twins don't have the same fingerprints. True. True. Walmart and Target opened their first stores in the same year. True. True. The current mayor of Chicago is Brandon Johnson. Oh, I don't know. True? True. Snow leopards can leap up to 50 feet in a single jump.
1:04:15True. True. Jupiter is the largest object in our solar system. False. False. It's the sun. Doctors who are liver specialists are called Hepatologists True How'd she do? An incredible comeback for the age is 10 Wow Grace, grace, grace, grace Hell yeah queen Your crew comes lifts me up in my chair No They're not allowed to move from their seats Because I did so bad last time Yeah, did you? Well I didn't win Oh I didn't know that Oh my god, how does my money come? in cash? Is it Zelle? It's best not to ask questions. It was so nice to have you on. No, how does my money come? God, we love you. Where does the money come?
1:04:59Grace, tell people where they can find you. You get dragged off in handcuffs. Grace, I love you so much. I love you so much. Thanks for doing it again, buddy. Of course. I love the So True fan base, and I really love being here. Do you want to tell people where they can find you? Yeah, you can find me on Instagram, TikTok and other platforms at GKUHLENSHMIDT and on The Daily Show and right now I think that's about it for me that's a lot pretty good love you I love you
1:05:39fall never arrives all at once first the air then the light and slowly the things you love begin to find each other A jacket meets a dress. A hoodie slips beneath a blazer. An old cap finds a new scarf. Because you don't simply step into the season. You create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross.
1:06:09Brussels clean up nicely at Sweetgreen. Maple glazed, roasted, and edges perfectly caramelized. Sweetgreen's Fall Harvest is back on the menu, and the season's most overlooked little green vegetable is dressed to be devoured. You know what to do. Order on the Sweetgreen app. Have you heard that McDonald's spicy chicken McNuggets made with spicy tempura and a blend of aged cayenne are back? Remember to grab a few extra napkins. For a limited time at participating McDonald's.
From the publisher
Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious Grace Kuhlenschmidt! Grace and Caleb talk about the pains of moving to New York, the math that goes into Time Zones, coming out, fedoras, and much more!
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Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud
So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Virginia Muller. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York.
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