Holmes Returns

26:46And like, we learn from him all the time and he like actually learns and changes his mind. And I just think that like was the most beautiful thing I could ever learn from a dad. Yeah. That is beautiful. Well, shout out changing your mind. I know when's the last time you changed, you know, I love to ask this. When's the last time you changed your mind? I don't need to. You have all the perfect views. Yeah. I don't need to. What's the last thing you learned that excited you? I'm trying to think if I have changed my mind. What have I changed my mind about? you would last time you said ice cream it was last time i asked you was you liked pistachio ice cream what else is there you would know we've we you know what have i changed my mind about you would know better than me and maybe what have i changed my mind i think sometimes people which i wouldn't name any of them i think sometimes like a person will like we'll change our mind on people sometimes very rarely i'll admit it though i will say i'll admit when i'm wrong about somebody like i think like sometimes yeah we can get a bad impression and then yeah but i'm almost always right about that is the thing i really am i really am i will say i admit i've come to you and been like hey hey, that person I told you I didn't like, I was wrong about them.

27:42They turned out to be very cool. But I am almost always right about that one. I think more often than changing my mind about someone, I get proven right, and that's really fun. Shut up! You do change your mind sometimes. Sometimes, but I'm saying every time, every person I've tried to think of that I had a negative opinion of, what I'm thinking of is the time I learned more that I was right. There's a hole in my sock that I know is going to come up. And my socks are like, these are clean socks, mind you, but they have just like a bunch of fucking lint on them. I really understand. I mean, my washer and dryer is a nightmare.

28:11Like, why do my socks always get fuzzies on them? They get fuzzies on them. Mine will randomly. I'll pull them out. They'll have, like, I told you, like, my clothes will have, like, oil on them. I'll have, like, oh. They'll have oil on them. The washer. I live in a place right now, washer and dryer. And it just has. Behind the cameras, Chance. Hey, Chance. It has a mold smell. Obviously, we'll cut this. It's just, like, it gets to a point. God, fuck, Chance. Thank you, Chance. Yeah, not doing the bit. Fuck. Give me a kiss. Yeah, it's okay. What is that? I think I'm actually maybe not very good at doing bits on podcast.

28:45Have you? What? Like, I feel like I'm like. Like, I think sometimes. All you do is bits. Like, I just like want to talk. Like, I think I'm just like talking to you as a friend. Like, I think people would be surprised about how much like our relationship is actually serious and then how we do comedy. Like, like we laugh all the time. Yeah. But like, we also like. You know what I mean? Like, we're not like doing bits all the time. Us. No, I don't get to a lot. I have to field a lot of crises. shut up with you we're like i mean whatever i mean maybe i'm wrong do you mean when someone's like i have a new bit i mean like when people are like i have like i have a new bit i want to do and i'm always like i'm never we're not doing that in our friendship maybe we'll just do it i mean you'll trust fall on me or whatever what like bits like do you know what i'm talking about i'm just confused about what you mean like specifically on podcasts or like in life day-to-day life like i'm like i don't think i'm like super bitty like i think i'm like kind of wild and weirdo all the time but i'm not like this is my new bit that's going around yeah okay i guess i do know what you mean you don't have like yeah yeah sorry i was just really i'm just saying like i'm like maybe it's like you're like you need to be medicated again to scratch everything we said i'm not sure that you don't need to be medicated again i'm keeping tabs i'm looking into things for you i don't even have you ever tried medication no i'm strong shut up kidding kidding i'm really strong and i don't need meds i haven't tried meds i consider it though Yeah.

29:59I just, the issue for me with meds is that I'm like, sure. Do I think that I'm just, it's hard because I'm not depressed anymore. And that was my big thing. That was like my big, like suicidal depression was my big thing. And that's fucking huge. And I got over it on my own. And that's, there's no, there's, if you get over it with meds, if you get over it without them, it doesn't matter. Getting over it with meds is also getting over it on your own, just in a different way. How much do you think is tied to money? Being less depressed. Uh, I fixed it before that. I fixed it before money, but money.

30:28I have said many times on this show, anybody who tells you that money won't fix your problems is a lie. I know. I think about this a lot. I got some money and pretty much everything went away. I mean, it's crazy. And I, now I know what they mean when they say that, but it's like, yeah, any idiot would know that. Like they're like, it won't make you not like deal with regular stuff that humans deal with. It's like, duh. But it did fix like most of my material problems, like being able to help my mom with her bills. She doesn't need help. but being able to help her with her bills, you do. Yeah. Knowing she's taken care of knowing that I have a place, like even having a house that like, I don't stay at all the time that I can let people stay at for free.

31:07Like that kind of stuff gives you an amount of like security and worth as well. That like, yeah, I, money fixed pretty much all my problems, but I worked on my mental health. Luckily I got to replace my mental health before that. That was good. You did. And also I don't, I'm glad that I loved myself before I got attention because attention is, we really don't have to talk about it. I talk about it simply too much, but attention is a really insidious force and it's very poisonous. And I think I've watched so many smart, charming, lovely people fall prey to fame and they become so boring and psychotic and out of touch and crazy that you just see how poisonous it is.

31:51And if you don't love yourself before you get it, it'll destroy you. I think totally. I feel like I I mean you know me like I've like I've actively hurt my career multiple times from trying to run away from attention because I get so scared of losing myself I feel yeah do you want to put your finger in my sock I do look at that oh I can't actually it's not big enough yet you can't it's just there's a toe right there there's a toe right there look at this do whatever you want to do with this footage okay ew no don't make it sexual while you're in there whatever you're in my crevasse in my crevasse don't be sexual when you're in my crevasse whatever stop I know we're going to hook up someday.

32:26It's like not necessary to talk about. I wanted to bring it up because I was like, no, I wanted to bring up that. I think sometimes that something that people don't always know about you is how you romantic you make your friendships. And I was like, do you, I actually was curious to ask you sometime, like, do you do that intentionally? Like, are you like, are you aware of that? You make sure your friendships have like a level of romance to them. Like sometimes I have more romance with romance with you than like, I will have a crush. So that's actually a different problem than you think it is. it's really sweet like it's like i don't know like it feels like this thing of like uh i don't know do you only consider romance and romantic relationships i mean in us that's that was done to say only and uh like sexual relationships no i think life is romantic i have i think there are romance in my friendships but i don't i think that what you're keying in on is just that you're kind of um our friendships is romantic our friendship is romantic and then also So you get around someone you have a crush on and behave in a way that like you're like Nell from the movie Nell.

33:28Don't fucking bring Nell into this. You start acting like Nell. No, and it's actually so scary because I love the trees as well. It's really nuts. I'm fully Nell mode. Nell and I have so much in common. I have more in common with Nell than Alex Cooper. I made Holmes show me their Hinge profile the other day. And it wasn't horrible. No, it wasn't horrible. One of the slides was just a video of trees with no context. And they were like frozen. Yeah, it was like winter trees. And I was like, hey, so this is the kind of thing that's going to not make a ton of sense to somebody who doesn't know. Like, I know what the trees mean to you.

34:07But I'm like, maybe we put like at least the joke caption on it or anything at all to make the trees make sense on the profile. I need them to know that they're going to come up. You know? No, I totally agree. the tree it's something to know about you is the thing with the trees but it's the thing with the tree but i'm like we need to include some context otherwise you look a little bit like a serial killer i would never i would never kill i would never were you ever obsessed with a serial killer like growing up would you like research them a ton oh sure plenty of them i think they're fascinating right because they had to have a charisma they'd have a charisma and also you used we used to have so many more serial killers before the like surveillance state for dna testing too yeah and now that we live in the panopticon you can't really have serial killers much anymore but which is like look with surveillance we're getting some goods and some bads we're getting rid of serial killers that's cool we're also living a life that none of us recognize no one's eating no energy to kill quite sad yeah but before the panopticon you used to have really interesting serial killers it was crazy i remember florida state it was said bundy's last uh stop and i like went to school there stop last stop on his tour yeah last stop hey guys i'm coming through tell a nasty um he kind of did a campus tour yeah he did a campus tour and you it was a scary energy people talked about it it was a nightmare and yeah i researched it so much that i was just like you should like study other things you're into you know yeah it's like ted bundy over and over it's just scary too now we know so much and we're so distrustful of each other because it really used to be like i feel like in the 70s people you a guy with like an us his arm in a sling would just be like can you help me put these rugs in this van and it's the middle of the night and like a single A woman would be like, absolutely.

35:42Now we don't trust each other because it turned into killings. I know. My aunt Carol used to literally hitchhike to work every day. That's cool. They'll tell stories like that. And I'm like, every day. You should be able to do shit like that. Well, something that we're not talking about enough is that I actually think like 80 % of people are good. I really actually think like 80%. Like people think it's like, we're in like 50, 50. We're so divided. I'm like, no, I really think these like, there's like a 20 % lunatic pocket. And they're like really, really making the 80%. Like everyone mad at each other.

36:08I don't think it's that many. I think the 10 80 10 rule is true about most things. And in terms of people, I think it's 10 % of people are truly evil, like truly, truly evil people. Shout out. 10 % are truly angelic, like undeniably good. And the other 80 are just floating kind of somewhere in the day to day. That seems more correct to me. You're angelic. For sure. No, I think I'm probably in the 80. I'm probably in the 80. We know some of the 10s. We know some of the 10s. We're truly angelic people. Yeah. We know some of the tens. We do. I think you are one of the ten. Thank you. That's very sweet.

36:44I put you in the 80.

36:51No, I don't think it's probably with people. I don't think it's probably actually 1080. I think it's like really truly evil, horrible people. I think it's really truly like less than a percent. I just don't think most people are like that. I think it's really, really small. And I think that they've done some really, really good work recently. I like making us think it's a lot more. well also evil people have just done some good work recently they've done some good work if you like evil you gotta love we're living through like the 90s bulls right now you gotta love this shit exactly steven miller's evil freak ass is like he's in power somehow and he's getting his shit done they i know but they're starting to be upset like i saw curtis yarvin the other day was like this is a mess i'm gonna leave the country and i was like oh you guys are fighting and the girls are fighting the girls are fighting which means the world you know i don't know i would i if I said what I thought about Stephen Miller on this podcast, I would be in a, one of those old timey medieval town square stocks by tomorrow morning.

37:43Let me ask you this. Okay. Would you, would you live in a world with no phones? If you could, even though this is such a part of your life, do I have to be poor in it?

37:57Do you have to be so crazy? I'm like, and you have to be living in the streets. No, no, you don't have to you don't have to be at all i get to have the life i have now but none of us say that you get to i don't know that your financial situation it could be but there's no phones at phones never existed versus they existed yeah i would undo them i would have if i had my power no matter what it did to my life i would stop us at the blackberry and the blackberry was should have been the end of it yeah the blackberry should have been the end of it people were emailing on there they were texting but it was kind of hard i don't even know who created it They had phone calls.

38:29We don't need to. We didn't need to. We didn't need to know about these freaks. Like that rocks. Like I love that. I didn't know that. We didn't used to know about fucking CEOs. I know. It's probably like Sierra Blackberry. She's like walking around minding her own business. Probably not. But that doesn't matter. It's like. It was a girl. It might have been a girl. But I don't think her name was probably Sierra Blackberry. We know who she was. It was. We know. We know Sierra Blackberry. I miss her. Yeah. I love her. I miss somebody I never met. All the time. The other day, we were talking about missing people and having to be like a person, like having to be like missing someone versus like a specific person versus just like the feeling of like longing for love, you know?

39:07And I quoted Florence in The Machine and Caleb said, never do that again to me. Well, we were having like an earnest conversation about like missing a person versus missing a love and when they're the same and when they're different and missing like a routine. And we were being very vulnerable and then Holmes goes. I want you so badly, you could be anyone. this is exactly what Holmes did to me Holmes goes I want you so badly you could be anyone Florence and the Machine and I stopped me dead in my tracks and I went okay don't ever do that again but absolutely well okay so there's a there's a book called I believe it's called they can't kill us until they kill us by Hanif Adaraki he's amazing he's amazing I love that book and I love that book and I wasn't a big Florence person and he talked about that in it and I really stuck with me because I feel like I feel that feeling a really a lot.

39:54And I used to let that, um, have me be in romantic relationships sometimes when I wasn't ready because I had that feeling so strongly. And, uh, yeah, I just like that. I, that book is just so good because I'm just like, I don't know, because I want music all day long, but it was, you're right. I should have just locked in and not brought up a quote. It was beautiful. No, I do love that book. His, his, uh, his reviews are incredible he's so incredible and i just like uh you know like live shows uh comedy music they mean so much to me in every single way i think they've i think live performance has like saved my life i really believe that and uh yeah he does such a good job at like talking about it while also like connecting it with our day-to-day life yeah what are you excited about right now what's making you excited i'm really excited that i live here uh you moved to new york this is huge i moved to new york um i feel kind of fought me tooth and nail every step of the way but shut up we got it done i feel really really uh i feel really happy about it i feel really lucky about it and i also feel really excited about the fact that um uh i mean i feel you're gonna make fun of me but i i feel really excited about like the people power right now like i feel excited that i know that we are going to get through this i have like hope finally again like i had like i would say this summer i was lacking hope but i was doing i was you know i I was doing everything I could with people.

41:15And I was like, you know, ICE was going to be in LA so much. And I just didn't have hope. I was just feeling really, really, really down at the same time. And I have hope again in a real way. And I think it's because I drove across the country to move here. I've been talking to so many people all the time. And I'm just like, I really, really, really believe that 80 % thing that I talked about. And I think that in the next, I think in my lifetime, I'm going to see like us not be run by billionaires. I think I'm going to see that. Like I'll talk to some people and they're like, I don't think that I'll see that in my lifetime.

41:46And I'm like, I think I'll really see it in my lifetime. So those are the things I feel excited about. I feel excited about like general humanity for real. And then I also feel really excited to live in New York in a way that like I couldn't have afforded when I got right out of college. And like a lot of my friends moved here right then. And I couldn't afford that. I lived in Chicago, which was the best decision of my life. And now I get to live here and it's just the best ever. And I've been out at like shows all the time. it just yeah it makes me really happy it's so funny the things you think i'm gonna make fun of you for because you right before you say for instance machine that doesn't trigger in your brain but right before you say you're like inspired by people power something that we talk earnestly about like every day of our lives well i just like i didn't know if the wording would i like i just uh yeah i feel really really inspired about that right now i do and i feel um the new york i feel happier about too because i'm gonna make myself like dance more and stuff like that's something I've like lost in the last few years.

42:40Like I don't go dancing at all anymore. And like I was here the other night and you know, we were talking about that. Like we're a good places to go out. Like I just feel, yeah, I feel happy about being alive. Me too. I like that for you. I'm glad you feel that way. Is there something else coming up for you that you're excited about? Oh man. Um, insanity, insanity. It's I'm, I'm tired and I'm got more tire coming up, You're working too much. I am. I'm just working too much. And I don't really see the end of it kind of at the moment. It's like technically I'll get a break in like a month and a half after a really, really tough coming up month and a half.

43:16And I would like to – I'm excited for that hypothetically. But now I'm getting to the point where every single week since the beginning of this year, I have felt excited for the break that was to come. And then it's been taken away from me. And sort of snatched away from me. Snatched away. And so I don't – I'm like now it's hard to even get excited about a potential break because they just don't come. in the way that I need them. So I'm really, really hoping that I get the end of the year off and that would be exciting to me. You're going to get it off and you're just going to have to say it. You teach me to say no all the time.

43:43You just are going to have to be like, don't, I won't do anything. I said no so much this year and it didn't save me. That's the issue. He's too successful, bitches. Well, it's just, it's a good year. I'm excited. I'm grateful. It was all good things this year. It was all things I wanted to do and I'm so grateful. I'm just like, no, it's like we, it's work. It's really hard work. It's work. Yeah. It's work. It's work to make everything. It's work. It's work, honey. It's work, honey. Boots. It's boots. How did you feel about Diane? What? Passing. Did she mean a lot to you? Diane Keaton? Yeah, I just thought about her.

44:11I don't know what that was. Us playing reminded me of her. I love her. I love her. It meant a lot to me. I know. Do you know what? Actually, one time, I do love her. I'm so sad that she's gone, obviously. But what an inspiration. She really is. And there's something I think about all the time that I think about her constantly, where I was in LA one time and this guy, I was like next to him at a coffee shop and he was talking to his friend and I knew his friend but I didn't know him and they kind of got to that point in the conversation where they were kind of catching up while I was ordering and he goes, you're like, hello.

44:42I was like, I'm here and no, no, it was sweet. It was nice. They were like catching up and I was kind of listening and the guy goes, the guy goes, a tree fell on my car. I'm so pissed and I'm in my head. I was like, oh damn, that really sucks and his friend goes, oh fuck, I'm so sorry and he goes yeah it's kind of cool though it was diane keaton's tree

45:07and and i to this day i like it occurred that like i was ordering the coffee and i had to lock in and then they kind of moved over to the table and there was never a natural moment to find out if he was being earnest or not that's but to this day i don't know i don't know if that was a bit or like a very funny but he he literally like lit up he was like it was diane keaton's tree it was Diane's paying for my car to be fixed. Also, you know, Diane would, would she'd be like, she'd handle that. Well, she, her insurance would have to. Yeah. I'm like, she handled it. She came out. She thumbed out$100 bills.

45:38She's like, she's like fixing the window. I will say, cause like, as you know, like I started, I've after honestly, I was like, okay, I need some type of higher power. I don't believe in like this. God people talk about, but I am understanding that I would like one. And so that's when I decided that it's going to be trees and it's been going well. Yeah. It's been going well. and but I will say they have had my back since it happened he like rolled his eyes a little bit I'm like it has I didn't roll my eyes they've had my back since it happened like this girl who I do not like a tree fell on her and that was after I started praying for them I know I remember that I know when I was like I couldn't believe it I couldn't believe when it happened I was like you guys you don't have to be like that like I was like I love you back but like you don't have to hit her it's obviously you know that it's hard for me when you say when you say that the trees have your back.

46:24I struggle and I come from a place of love. You have some type of higher power. Yeah. You can't put an object. It could totally be clouds. You're more cloudy. You love, you love a cloud. You look at the sky and admire a cloud. I like a sunset. Yeah. I don't think, I mean, I think every, I think every, I think God is in the trees as much as God is in anything. Sunset takes someone out. That'd be really fucking nuts. Yeah. It does. Sometimes the sky takes people out and I never think that it's like the earth acting on my behalf, but I loved when the tree fell on the woman and I'm happy for you. And she was okay.

46:57She was okay. If she got hurt at all, I would be like, they would never do that though. They decided to teach her a lesson. Yeah. If a tree falls nearby, like just know, like they got Greg Abbott. Wait, what did they? A tree got Greg Abbott. Did you know that? There's so much news that I don't even know this. Well, Greg Abbott, the governor of Texas, he got hit by a tree. He's in a wheelchair because he got, he was on a run when he was in like his twenties and a tree fell on him. big God guy, by the way, big God guy, but God guy thinks, you know what? Not a big tree guy. Yeah. Well, he should have been praying to the trees.

47:30God, God might be mad at me, but the trees, they love me every fucking day. Yeah. Let me tell you that people got so mad at Jasmine Crockett when she called him governor hot wheels. Then I'm like, Hey, when you're that evil, everything's back on the table. Sorry. She's also a legend. I love her so much. Jasmine Crockett. Yeah. I love her. Yeah. She cracks me up pretty often. I just love her so much. I just think it's like being a, I am someone who has never been a big, like, I don't, I didn't study political science. I don't understand the government that much. I've had to learn way more than I would have liked to.

47:55I'll tell you that much. And Jasmine is like, I just love that she'll like pop online and talk to us like a person. Cause she's like, okay, if we're all online right now, then I'll be talking to you guys too. Like it feels like so many people in the government are still like wearing the wigs or whatever, you know? I do. I like, yeah, she has a very approachable nature, which I like. I like it a lot. She's like smart as hell. And it's like, yeah, I wish that she would do a little less clapping back and a little more like, I think we need the left has an issue with policy in general and it's not a Jasmine Crockett problem.

48:21It's a left problem. Yeah. But I wish that more of our fire brands would get on message a little bit harder and to the point. But that all is to say, I'm saying all this to say if she were to run, I would have some real notes for something like bigger. But I love what she's doing right now. Yeah. Yeah. Same with AOC. AOC is actually on the opposite end of the spectrum for me sometimes where I'm like, we're a little too mired down in the message. There has to be kind of a happy medium. We need like a fire brand who does the message really well. for me because like I said you get me in the government everything's worse than it could be you can only imagine so I'm like the people who are calling out the things that I think are horrible and are around really really scary men all the time who hate them I'm like I love you I support you it's not I'm not gonna definitely not gonna donate to your campaign like you text me to all the time but I will support you and I'll I'll heart it every single time that's like the one if we could really fix if I could do one if I could snap my fingers and have one thing it would be getting the fucking money out of politics.

49:18Gavin Newsom texting me every single day to donate to him. I'm like, bitch, you have more money than me every single day. And you always will. It's crazy. Yeah. And I have more money than all my friends. I'm like, and you're texting them too. I'm like, stop texting us. Like it is actually out of control. Him acting like that's the only way I'm like, you have more work than I have done. You know, I like, I use more like fancy lotion than my friends. Like I'm like, we're like in a bad state. If you keep asking us for money dude i'm torn because i think two things are true like number one i'm not voting for gavin newsom and that's where i'm at that's how i feel in my heart and then i see people being like why does the left always destroy our uh our candidates before they even have a chance and i kind of understand what is being said by that i understand that but he's not the left either like he's like backpedaling on trans rights he's like been horrible about homeless people like he is not our guy and I don't want to vote for him and I won't.

50:10Uh, but yeah, I'm torn on all that. I mean, we're not there yet, but I'm just trying to not think of like for me, I'm like, okay, what can, what can happen in my community right now? What is like the next thing right now versus like, well, for sure. That's my actions. I'm talking about my beliefs. Totally. Totally. I'm saying that I keep, I keep seeing this discourse, you know, on TikTok about him and I'm like, yeah, I disagree with a lot of stuff he's doing, but I also do like anyone right now, or like I do support in a soft way anyone right now who is like going against full dictatorship. Yeah.

50:40I wish we could just get, I wish we could get a fucking working person. I wish we could get a working person. I wish we could get an organizer, a fucking like union organizer from the South. Like I wish we could get a person who has an actual job, who's not a fucking fake figurehead for a company, who's not a politician. Who's not super rich. A real working person who lives in a real place that understands the issues and has some charisma. I wish we could get them pour all this fucking money that is always being thrown around behind them and do something like that instead. I think that we will.

51:09I would love that. I think we will. I mean, I think that Zoran shows, I mean, I remember when I followed Zoran, he had like, I don't know, like 27 ,000 followers or something. It's like, what is that? Like almost like over 4 million. And it's like, he's just one example of like how hungry everyone is for exactly what you're saying. I don't think he's like this. I don't think he's one in a million people. I think there are more people like Zoran. And I think that Zoran, Zoran, the movement behind him right now has shown how hungry people are for exactly that. I think he's great for New York. Yes.

51:37I think he's great for New York. I'm very excited about him for New York. And we need to find the things that work about somebody like Zoran. For the other places. And make it work for everywhere. Yes. It's like here, Zoran is perfect for New York. And now we need to find like, I think Graham Plattner is that person in Maine probably. He's like an oyster farmer from over there. Yeah, very cool. I think like a teacher is probably that person for Iowa. Like finding who that is for every place. I would love to get teachers on a mic more and more is what I would like to say. My teacher friends were already not doing well.

52:04And lately it is worse than, yeah, worse than I can imagine. I'd love to get a teacher on the mic. Would be fun. Yes. A hundred percent. Gavin Newsom's not. Not one of those annoying ones. Gavin, Gavin's your teacher. He would never. Some teachers are annoying. Who's the worst teacher you had? I'm not going to say her name. I won't dignify her with that, but she knows who she is. Who's the best teacher you ever had and why? Pam Constant, my high school English teacher. Pam Constant. Did she come to standup shows? um i don't know if she's been i don't think she's been to one when we first started doing shows together randomly like afterwards someone would be like i taught caleb in high school and i'd be like they're coming out to shows i have some teachers that come out i had some i had some great teachers across the board pam's just the miss constant is the person i connected to the most and we've had like quite a few lunches since i graduated we keep in touch that's beautiful um yeah she's just great she was she was never she was just like she was ally in a fun way where she wasn't like she wasn't like trying to be that thing with like some teachers were like some teachers were trying to be your hero and she was just like well they were like had like a rainbow flag like no not even that but just like trying too hard to be like cool with the kids where pam was like i'm not your friend but if you need anything let me know right you know it's very like boundaried and like i just and she's a great teacher too she cares about writing and reading a lot yeah and she taught writing in a way that i thought was really beautiful oh i love that yeah yeah she's like i'm your teacher not your friend yeah that's always like a parenting style that i think is really interesting like some people be like i'm your mom not your friend yeah or some Some parents want to be like friends.

53:26Yeah. Which one, which one do you think you'll be? I am leaning towards that. I probably won't have kids right now, but I'm always down to change my mind. Cause I love kids so much. I just am aware that I'm 32 and I, it's not happening this year for sure. Yeah. You might not keep one. If you carry it, you might carry it for someone else. There's a lot of options. You know that I, I actually really will cause I want to be pregnant so bad. Um, I just think it sounds so incredible. Can you imagine the love for your body that you have being pregnant? Like it's insane. I, that's some people's experience.

53:53Also, I would literally be such a diva with it. Like anywhere we'd go, I'd be like, like I would like want to be lifted and stuff, you know, come on. Because it's just like, sorry, I'm growing baby. I really, and it pays well. It really does. Two of my friends, one I went to high school with, like their, I don't know all the terms, one of their things didn't take, one of the eggs didn't pop or whatever the fuck. And then, so then like their, the person who was going to carry it for them was like her schedule was getting where it maybe couldn't happen. And I really debated it for a second. And I told him, I was like, I need to get one more acting job that like, I feel like I'm in a place in my career that is okay.

54:25And then I would maybe do it for y 'all. You won't be getting paid when you do it for me. It'll be for the love of the game. Which is crazy because you said you wouldn't have sex once for it to happen. No, I'm not going to have sex. If you're not paying for pain, then you better have sex. I'm getting like kind of threatening. Yeah. Really, really interesting. Cut that. Cut that. No, we're leaving. You won't let me talk about it. Sounds square. Pay me or fuck me. Really fair. Really fair. That is fair. Yeah. thank you i've always said about guy when i'm into a guy he either needs to fuck me or kill me enough with the friend stuff it works enough with the friend stuff and it works no but um what i do the friend thing i think that i would be i think i would explain the nuance to my kid and i would be like i would love for us to someday be friends when you uh get older but i'm gonna probably be more of like a parent figure during this age my baby six months six months so someday i think in a different stage we'll obviously have a different relationship but the dynamic right now is giving parent if i was your friend i'd say you look like a sloppy little bitch you know no i would never that's why i do parent and so later thank you um yeah i think and then uh i would the reason that i'm gonna be jealous of my friends who have kids is deeply deeply because of when they're adults i think that is the coolest part like this age with my parents is everything to me yeah like i just feel like it's like you get to yeah like do you feel like your relationship with kelly has changed obviously for sure she got on anti-anxiety medication and that was big for us she had some we were friends for most of my childhood and then there were a couple years in my teen years where I was a nightmare because I was a teenager but she was also untreated anxiety disorder yeah and even she will say like getting on anti-anxiety meds changed her life made her so much but there were a couple years there where I was being a nightmare because I was a teenager but she was being so unreasonable about everything because of her anxiety yeah that I would just be like you're being fucking crazy and she'd be like I'm not and it's like you are and also I could tell I was being annoying and she was it was hard Well, a big thing for me that you just talked about, which is the big switch that happened with me and my parents is not living together.

56:24I don't ever want to live with my mom. Like I don't want to live with you. And when we don't live together, it's amazing. And when we do live together, like I've done stints of it again and I go, uh-oh, I go when we back and we back, you know, I do not enjoy living with my parents. It just is not the, we live on a different pace, you know? That's true about you. Yeah, it really is. What's this? I have a segment for you. Is there a photo of me on there? Don't worry about what's on here. you know what this is you've been on the show before i know it's been a long time homes it's time for the true or false segment okay i did really bad last time it's been a long time because you've refused to come on i wrote stop just so everyone knows i wish i could say what you said to me about it once but what i say you go you go you go it's bad for your career and mine that you want to the podcast and i said i said i know i said i know it's best for me and then guess what we actually didn't fight we left it at that and we pulled out and i said it's Because I wanted to get here.

57:17Yeah. I can know it. Keep it in. Keep it in. It's funny. And I'm back. Of course I'm keeping it in. That's hilarious. I love when I say shit like that. Okay, cool. All right. This is the true or false segment. I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can. If you think what I just said is true or false, if you get 10 or more correct, you're going to win 50 US dollars. Okay. You ready? Yes, I'm ready. Water is the only substance on earth found in all three forms, liquid, solid, and gas. False. True. Potatoes are grown from potato seeds False False The International Space Station is closer to Earth than San Francisco is to LA False True Wait, wait, wait, say that again The International Space Station is closer to Earth than San Francisco is to LA Okay Florida State's Florida State's biggest rival is the University of Miami False True What?

58:13I thought it'd be UF I don't follow sports, but I did go there. Go Seminoles, but not really. Change the name. Fruit loops are all the same flavor, just different colors. False. True. Rose Byrne. I think I got everyone lost. This is the worst that's ever gone. Rose Byrne was born in England.

58:34True. False. Australia. I don't even know this girl. A group of caterpillars is called an army. Oh, that's true. True. It's funny. False. True. What the hell? No, I get that one. Yeah, you get that one. It's only two. Come on. The Home Depot is older than Lowe's.

59:01False. False. Campbell's Soup slogan is mm-mm good. True. True. Your MCL is in your shoulder. False. False. Your knee. the first known cat video was recorded in 1894

59:19what um true it's true every odd number contains the letter e when written written in english every what letter every odd number contains the letter e when written in english you're so fast i have to do this fast every odd number the point of the segment yeah you're right You're right. Okay. False. True. I'm like dumb. Ms. Frizzle. Ms. Frizzle from the Magic School Bus. His first name is Courtney. False. False. Rosie O'Donnell is an EGOT winner. False. Should be. False. Should be. The average credit score in the United States is 550. Probably slower than that. False. False. 705. How'd they do?

1:00:05Really bad. Really strong comeback, but nine. Yeah, one of the worst. Really strong comeback. One of the worst yet, though, I would say. No. In the game. You have some weird conceptions. No, I don't. I really like myself, but I don't think I know that much. I didn't say it was about yourself was the interesting part. What I'll say is this. Let's talk. The number part is crazy that they all have ease. Now I'm really thinking on that. Okay. God, I really could have just locked in on that. Chance gets a lot of these wrong, just so you know. So feel free to research because people in the comments.

1:00:32Wait, wait, wait. We'll be like, that's not true. People in the comments will be like, we'll go toe to toe with Chance. And he always claims he has it right. but sometimes I've seen them prove him wrong. The cat video is like, what camera are we on? You know what I mean? He's fuming right now. It's not. He's so mad. You get into it with the comments. The biggest one was the bears can't swim and people really went after me on that one. Everyone was like, I've seen a bear swim. Yeah. Chance has a type of anxiety that's really prone to being spun out about something like that specifically. Well, it's also really funny because it's just like, anything's going to swim if you toss it in the water.

1:01:00That's not true. I mean, like a bear, like probably can't swim, but it's like, he's drowning and like, he's going to figure something out. A lot of people I feel like who are like, can't swim. It's like, they really like. They drown. Some drown, but most. Your body starts to do some stuff. I cannot tell you how wrong I think you are. What if I say the age is like 14 up? Of course, I know if you like throw a baby in there, they're not going to be able to do it. No, most people who can't swim when they end up in swimmable water, they drown. Whatever. I almost died by fire. I do know that about you.

1:01:31You trying to make it? I'm like, I'm like, I know that people have died by water, but I've almost. Have you ever almost died? Yeah. What was it? I drove through a tornado. When? When I was like 18. You're chasing it? No. It chased me. Unfortunately. I don't fuck with storms like that. I'm not one of those. People who chase tornadoes, that's a special type of breed. They're scary. They're really, really scary. It's a scary type. Holmes, what's so true to you? What's so true to me? So I thought about this and was like, oh, you're a comedian. You should be funny. And then I was like, no, I'm not going to.

1:02:03so what is so true to me that i've been thinking about all the time lately is that i fucking love getting older and getting older and aging rocks yeah and i want that to be like more of a thing i think like so much about me was like getting older is gonna suck everything everything everyone told me was like getting older is gonna suck your your body's gonna hurt people are gonna like uh you know you're gonna lose work like try to be young forever and every single year i'm like i I love this more and more. Yeah. And you are still young, which is another part of it. It'll be interesting to see how that feels at like 45, 50.

1:02:35I'm still young, but you really hear some like women in their 50s, 60s be like, God, 60s are everything. You're like, you know, 70s are everything. And I'm like, I really think there's a, I know more and I know more of like what makes me feel better. I know who I like to spend time with more. Yeah. I think, I just think there's so much focus on the couple. I, I'm not, I'm not naive enough to be like, nothing is hard about getting older. Like, it's like, yeah, it sucks that maybe your, like, knees hurt more or, like, you know, that your face looks different or whatever. But to me, I think there's just so much focus on those ones.

1:03:07And I'm like, I would say 95 % of everything getting older, it just is amazing to me. I think so much of life is perspective. And I think that it, I think that people, people just dwell on, I don't know, aging is one of those things where I feel, I feel very far away from people who are really intense about it sometimes. because as much as we kid, I'm like, I feel the same way about people when people talk about being fat. A lot of like former fat people, especially speaking of earlier, we'll talk about they're like, yeah, when I was fat, no one looked at me. I couldn't, I was ignored. People treated me horribly and then I lost weight.

1:03:40And the most surprising thing was how nice people are. And I was like, that kind of sounds like a you problem because I light up the room. So I don't know what to tell. I'm like, there's, I just feel very distant from that. And sometimes when people talk about aging in the same way where they're like, I turned 30 and everything got worse. I'm like, I feel like you have a bad attitude. Well, and not only that, but it's like, everyone's so nice. Those people who just swish on you are the worst people in the world where it's like, what we've talked about a lot is like, I don't know, as I've gotten older, like the guys who used to hit on me when I was 18 and they were like 34 or whatever.

1:04:11Yuck. You know? And it's like one of those things where I'm like, now I can see that where if someone doesn't talk to me, cause I'm like, you know, maybe look older than someone that they'd want to date or something. I don't want them to talk to me. Like I think the things that come with, um, getting older that make people upset are like the things I actually love. Like, yeah, I think getting older is so cool. I've liked it every year. And I also acknowledge that we're still very young. And so I'm like, yeah, I leave space for like, maybe in our forties and fifties, we will feel different. I don't think we will, because I think we both also are people who choose, we choose the positive perspective anytime that we can, even when things are negative.

1:04:43Well, and it's just like literally, uh, I mean, it's just such a gift to be able to get older. Like I mean, someone was doing a joke the other night about how like the Prince of Egypt I was like nine years old or something like that. And I was just like, they used to have princes at nine because they were all dying by like, you know, 18 or whatever. Like I was like, we get to live in this time period where we get to live to like a hundred maybe or whatever. And I'm like, yeah, that won't be my story. I'm not living to you. I could see you being a hundred and just being so fucking funny. I'll tell you one way or another, I'm not living to a hundred.

1:05:11What, which age will you be like that? Absolutely not. I don't know. Cause I haven't gotten there, but I know that probably if I get to the seventies, eighties situation, there's probably a day in there where I go, it's been fun. I'll be running. I'll be dog. No, there's no chance. I'm doing that. Like 98 year old, like wheeled out to their birthday party. I'm all my love to those people. You see some of these people who aren't like that anymore. It's like crazy. Yeah. But they live in ways that I don't, they like do, they do yoga every day for two hours. Sometimes you see a hundred year old and she's like running an iron man.

1:05:42And you're like, that's her story. Yes. And I'm like, I can't do that. That's her truth. I won't be doing that. I can't be doing that. No, Yeah, I'm not doing that now. I'm certainly not going to do it then. What's your least favorite part? Of getting older? Yeah. The oppression in our industry. Nice. Nice, but that hasn't really happened to you yet. It does sometimes. People will say it happens in ways that it really genuinely does sometimes. And it happens, but I'm so lucky. I'm like, I've fucking snuck in. You know what I mean? Like, I'm very lucky with my path in. Like, the fact that I got to be, well, and you know what I mean?

1:06:14It happens brain-wise from things I read. that's I think why I said also that I love aging because I want there to be more like rhetoric around that because that is my truth in my day where I was reading Wikipedia pages of actors and stuff growing up being like how the fuck could I do this growing up in Nebraska and Florida like how could I do this and they would all be like I you know got in my first movie at 16 or like lots of times it was like five years old or whatever and so a lot of it is like the storytelling from other actors oh for sure it's happening yeah so that's my least favorite part which is like like I said gonna change I don't feel like that is a forever thing at all yeah what's your least favorite part of getting older probably all the people dying

1:06:59Holmes guess what it's done already we did it we had an episode probably all the people dying it's so fucking funny I love you so much I love you so much thanks for doing the show I love you so much tell people where they can find you and don't be a coward I won't be at all you can find me on line underscore homes underscore homes but more importantly I'm going to start a monthly show at Union Hall so look out for that and of course overcompensating season 2 we will film soon but yeah just going to be back into live performance coming up so look out for that on my pages and also when you're not doing that or listening to this get offline throw your phone tell them your address oh my god you really did we'll put it on the screen in case people couldn't hear love you so much thanks for doing it love you baby That was a Hate Gum Podcast.