Jay Jurden Returns

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30:27So sometimes she'll get me to stay. She was at my house recently and I was about to kick her out and she said, should we smoke a joint and order some food? And I said, yeah. And you know, it's the framing. She knows when to deploy it. Yeah, and she says it as if it's your idea. She basically, one time I was walking. We were walking from a gig. She said, where you got to go? I slowed down. I said, wait a second. You're right. You're right. It's that scene in Love, Simon where Jennifer Garner says, Simon, you can breathe now.

31:03That's what Lisa Tranker does for me. And it works because I never do want to stop hanging out with Lisa. I don't. I'm always into it. Because guess what? We're going to smoke a little bit. We're going to have some french fries. Yeah. Oh, God. To be high right now and eating some french fries would be so fucking beautiful. Okay, you know what I have discovered now that I've come into the tiniest amount of money? French fries at a pool? Yeah. Oh, my God. French fries at a pool with a drink? Oh, my Lord. Wow. You think being rich is having the upstairs. That's what you think. Yeah. In Mississippi, someone be like, we're going broke.

31:38I go, two stories, I'll believe it. You're fine, yeah. Hey, why don't you sell that story? It's all about the house. Yeah, why don't you rent out that top room? You can have a tenant. So now I think, and because I have done this a few times, you go on vacation or you go on a gig and you spend the extra day there, you go, oh, I'm going to stay on Sunday. If you have French fries, I don't know how they do this. No matter the fry. It could be double fried. It could be battered. You know, the Eskimo fries. The fries with the skin. Okay. Or it could be like the McDonald's, like copycat shoestring joints.

32:19Fries by a pool. I feel the best. But you know what they're never doing that they need to get into? Curly fries. Okay. These places are never doing curly fries. And I'm glad that you brought this up. because one of the last times that I had curly fries by a pool, I think it was on a gay cruise. Really? I did a gay cruise. I did my first gay cruise. They, okay, now I'm realizing they weren't curly. They were just gay. But when did I have curly fries? I had curly fries recently that I got happy about. There was a restaurant that had curly fries. They had tots and curly fries. Why does the places do that?

32:58Why does the places, they'll be like, oh, we have regular fries, curly fries, and tots. I'm never complaining about blessings. No, no, no. No, you shouldn't have those regular fries. Yeah, yeah, I'm with that. Get the regular fries out of here. That's fine. Because who's seeing the curly fries and the tots and then going? There are people, Jay. Could I? There are people that do this. Sickos. We walk among sickos. Okay, this is. It's a sick world. The way you feel about poly people, that's how I feel about these folks. Yeah, just a little confused, but ultimately okay with it. Well, if God gave you curly...

33:30Yeah. No, I'm ready to punch somebody. If God... All three of you. If God gave you curly fries and tots, this is when I become a Republican. Yeah. Why are you also trying to include these straight fries? Do you know what they need to be doing is putting... Someone needs to serve curly fries and tots shaken up together with some seasoning on them. Serve that. Bring me that. Someone must be doing that. If you're doing that, hit the comments. I'd love to come patronize. What do you even call that? Because texturally, it's a fun, it's reminiscent of when the onion ring sneaks into the fries. Burger King used to do that.

34:08Yeah, on purpose. They didn't have a lot of quality control of some of the Burger Kings in Jackson, Mississippi. You'd be like, there's a couple onion rings in here. Yeah. You'd be like. And no worries. I'm not bad. Burger King's onion rings make me so sick. I have tried them in many cities, many times. Every time I go, I think it'll be different this time. And every time I feel horrible. horrible. Out of all of the problematic things you've said today, that's the one that legal's gonna be like, hey, we gotta get that out of here. They're trying to run some ads. Hey, just so you know. No more.

34:36Just so you know, they... You almost lost it all today. Yeah. Almost lost everything for that one. No, they do make me sick. I can't do it. Onion rings in general, actually. Maybe there's something up with that. Do you like a Bloomin' Onion more? I'll do a Bloomin' Onion. I'll do the Onion Rings. I'll just feel bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's one thing about me. I'll feel bad. No, worries. If I need to, I'll feel bad. There are two places in New York that I know I'm gonna... If I order these wings the next day, I gotta build some time in the schedule. Morning can't be booked. Morning can't be booked if I'm having this tonight.

35:16Yeah. You know those things. My husband, that's how long we've been together. If my husband sees me eat more than a handful of cashews, he goes, now Jay, He goes, Jay I'm like fuller What's that? Is that Home Alone? Yeah Kieran Culkin Yeah Sipping Pepsi Knowing I'm gonna piss the bed That's how I get with cashews I go You're pissing the bed off cashews? No, no, no No, no, no I'm not pissing the bed It's just that like I'm gonna complain I'm gonna be like Why my stomach hurt? Yeah I had cashews Damn And I don't ever just have like A few cashews Cause I love them Yeah Cashews, they're so good But it's I think it's like the amount of oil in them.

35:56I don't know. That's like my dietary restriction. They're hurting your tummy, huh? Yeah, but my taste buds, they told me I can have these all the time. Do you cook? Yeah, I cook a lot. What do you cook? What's your number one meal? What's your signature meal? The thing I can make better than a lot of people. Better than a lot? If I came over, you would make it to impress me. Ooh. Well, I would want to show off something Southern, and I can guarantee you that I can make you a fried chicken thigh sandwich that will be better than you have had in anyone else's home. I need to get involved. Fried chicken thigh.

36:33Yeah. Okay. We're also talking, I can give you a slaw if you want on top of that. Yeah. Also, we can make fries there too if you want. I don't necessarily want the fries. I would like something, I would like something green. I know you have a, there's the famous clip, let's get a green crunch, But I would love a green crunch Tell me bun to bun what you're doing on this fried chicken sandwich Okay, bun to bun, alright So we start with Martin's potato roll Yes we do There's an inherent sweetness to the roll It's wonderful, toast up beautifully Due to the sugar content So that's at the very end So this is what we get, we get a boneless chicken thigh I know, I'm going boneless I'm not taking the bone out I'm going boneless skinless chicken thigh Okay, lay them flat Pat them dry, okay Of course.

37:20So we're going, the dredge will be like, just regular flour. And then there'll be some panko in there and some cornstarch. And then for the spices, salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, white pepper, probably then some oregano and cayenne. And then for like the dredge Or as far as like the wet Doing buttermilk Because you People go Oh I gotta buy buttermilk When you buy buttermilk It's this much buttermilk Yeah You are buying buttermilk To either make biscuits Or fried chicken The people who go I don't want to have it in my fridge It won't be in your fridge In a long time Yeah So you do that You do a little bit of hot sauce In the buttermilk Okay What kind of hot sauce So We have Louisiana Yeah okay At the house You could do Louisiana You could do Crystal You could do Trappies You could do What do you like?

38:14Crystals, but I would go with it. Louisiana and I fuck with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know. You know ball. Yeah. So basically, you dip it in the buttermilk, and then you dip it in the flour, and then you dip it in the panko, and you want it to get very craggly, and then Dutch oven, La Croissette, 375, a lot of oil, canola oil, seed oil, sorry, R.K. Junior. So We're going We're going Canola oil Canola oil Beautiful name for a baby girl Yeah So Love her Love her I think that's who That's who That's who Isn't that who Lawrence got pregnant On that final season of Insecure? Canola Yes So Canola oil Yeah What's that baby girl's name?

39:02Not the snaps And hard snaps too Yeah When you get old Your hands get dry Them snaps I don't got it yet I don't got it yet When I finally get to it, rough sandpaper. Not with the whole hand, too. It's like the whole thing's involved. Or then they start getting mad at you. You know who I'm talking about. Yeah. You know who I'm talking about. That's your cousin. Caleb, what's that girl's name? Yeah. So canola oil. So then we fry probably two thighs. We're going eight minutes. Eight minutes. Yeah. Because I want you. Listen, I'm going to say black people fry hard. Hello. Fried once and fried hard.

39:41Yeah. Don't have to. You never want to be like, this is a soft fry. If a black person says they want it fried hard, they want it fried to smithereens. You know who fries their wings hard? First try, DC Improv. I had some wings, Old Bay on the wings, mambo sauce on the side, fried hard. Who was that? Have you had the chicken wings at Union Hall? No. Me, I think it was Sydney Washington. me and Sidney were going the fuck in on the chicken wings at Union Hall recently. We're backstage. I had joked on stage. I said, someone on staff, please bring an order of chicken wings to that backstage. Because I hit someone from the audience's weed vape, got way too hot.

40:18And then I saw a girl with a vape. You're messing that when you don't come to shows. I'm saying. And then I got in that green room. They brought those chicken wings. And me and Sidney were... We flagged the server down and said, please bring another one. And then we did a second basket. They were eating so loud. Someone on stage said, hey, you too. Yes. It sounded like we were, it was, they were so goddamn good. Are they, are they, they do those there? Yes. Okay, shout out to Matt Kelly at Union Hall. Shout out to the chicken wings at Union Hall. Yeah, not shout out to Matt Kelly. Matt, if you're involved with the chicken wings, you can have a shout out.

40:48He thinks Matt's back there frying. But then we fry, we fry the chicken thighs. Yeah. We let them rest on a wire rack. And then you could do like, we could do mayo based or we could do a yogurt based slaw with some cabbage. but yeah red cabbage and carrots and so then you could also go hot honey on the end of that or whatever hot sauce you want and so then you present that to caleb and he has a good time yeah i'm really into this i'm putting a slice of cheese on there as well oh what kind of cheese cheddar american really my husband you know he's into now he loves pepper jack that's we can't keep it in the house.

41:30Pepper Jack. My husband loves some Pepper Jack cheese. We can't keep it in the house. I actually had Pepper Jack cheese recently. A couple nights someone sent me a block of cheese as a gift and it was Pepper Jack and I ate the hell out of it actually. I was really into it. Listen, when you have some crunchy ass fans, you got some crunchy fans. Yeah. They're going to send some cheese. Someone sent me Pepper Jack cheese and I ate it with some little crackers and sausage. What's the craziest gift that you've got that you're grateful for, but you go, why would you? What is? I want to know this. Oh, someone.

42:04To this day, we don't know. To this day, we don't know. Someone sent us an espresso machine. What? We do not know who sent it. No one will claim it. What? We've asked everyone we work with. We don't know how we got it, and it has not been used. We do not know how we got this espresso machine. Wait, because you don't know how to work it? Poor Michelle runs out and grabs coffees every single time we do a show. Michelle. Shout out, Michelle. This was amazing if you made this. Shout out, Michelle. With the espresso machine. I wish she did. I wish she did. No, we have the espresso machine. We do not.

42:31No one will tell us if they sent it. Wait. No one? No one will speak up. Not even the brand? No, we don't know who did it. Is it one of the... What's the brand? It's Nestle. Like the Ninja Creamy or whatever. Oh, can you make ice cream from it too? Well, so that's the thing is they also sent us an ice cream machine. What? And two vacuum cleaners. Oh, okay. I didn't know all that. I need one of those vacuum cleaners. Two vacuum cleaners. It sounds as if folks from Thanksgiving be like, Caleb. Yeah, yeah. Something happened. I don't know who sent them. To this day, if you sent the So True team an espresso machine, two vacuum cleaners, and an ice cream maker, I'm begging you to speak up.

43:08We want to thank you. And if you sent the partridge and the pear tree, thank you for that as well. We appreciate that as well, but we want to know who did it. No one will speak up. No one will claim this victory. That's a lot. Yeah. That is quite expensive. I know. It's expensive. Did they write it off? What they didn't do is write a letter because we don't know who sent this shit. I actually forgot about that. That's crazy.

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46:20Espresso machine? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, think about it. People, what they will... What have I gotten that's like... Sometimes, you know when people make little... Everyone was making the Taylor Swift bracelets. A lot of people at shows were making me bracelets And sometimes they'd say my name Sometimes they would just say a reference to a joke So one of them says slut And I was like, whoa, okay, alright, thank you But now I gotta wear this Not out of thought Yeah, I'm trying to People bring comic books for me to sign Because I wrote a comic once Yeah, so that's very sweet I'd like a slut bracelet for you, I think that's cute Yeah, yeah I would like to see you wearing that more often Okay, maybe I will I think that's a cute look.

47:06A little slutty bracelet. Yeah, slut bracelet. Why not? Crafted by... It's not children making them. No. No. Because the person who strung it together made it. Yeah. But it is like a childlike arts activity. Yeah, for sure. One time I had to craft during a podcast, and I loved the comic who I was crafting with, but everything fell to pieces. It was two... I'm going to say it. It was two boys. We were bad at it. Damn. Two boys crafting. Gender roles strike again. Listen, I don't like it. I wanted to be good at it. Yeah. And we were trying to, we couldn't tie it off. Everything fell apart. Yeah.

47:41The bracelet's terrible. Yeah. His bracelet was all loose. No, ew. You know? That really gave me the heebie-jeebies. Yeah, it's a bad feeling. Yeah. And the way you felt, that's the way I looked. He put it on. He said, do you like it? Dude. I said, we can't do this. Yeah, this isn't going to work. This is bad. Yeah, not a loose bracelet. We look silly. A loose friendship bracelet, yuck. Right? What? Ooh, but that's telling about the friendship. Yeah. Doesn't fit. Doesn't fit. Isn't right. Won't last. Won't last. Not long for this world, the friendship and the bracelet. Oh, my Lord. I think that we were talking about friendship earlier, behind the scenes, behind the scenes.

48:22I'm trying to be a better friend. I know I'm talking about this with the party. I'm trying to show up more for friends. I'm trying to also just be aware of how I come off. Now, you don't get this from me because we get along. I found out this past year some people think I'm mean. You're not disagreeing. I can see how we got there.

48:47Now, do I think you mean? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. But I think this happens to a lot of opinionated people that are loud. Yeah, yeah. I get this all the time. I'm like, I'm actually not being mean. I just disagreed with you. One time when I was doing a show with Gianmarco and Tova, I said this. And this is another thing that let me know. Wait a second, Jay. Maybe check in. I said, everyone who says, oh, Jay is the nicest person in the world. And then Gianmarco goes, no one's saying that. He goes, no one is saying that. Love him. Now, say what you want to say. But that first part, no one's saying that.

49:26because I was trying to be like, I can be very direct. And he was like, no, people know that. No, we know. People know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've seen the directness. So can John Marco, though. Oh, yeah. Yes. It can get him in trouble. John Marco loves to say something with a raised eyebrow and a curled lip. Yeah. There's a cunningness to John Marco that you're like, what are you angling for? He'll say something and you're like, what's the note behind the note, John Marco? Yeah. Every, you know, you can. It's part of why people think he's gay. Yeah. Is that he's beguiling. You know what it is? There's a level of subtext that a lot of straight men sort of don't ever try to engage with.

50:10That he, because he was raised up in the theater among people who basically had double meaning their entire life. Yeah. So he gets, sometimes he comes off very Captain Hook, very Scar. Yes. Very Jafar. Because a lot of straight men will run directly at the wall of the point they're trying to make. And John Marco will do this sort of queer-coded thing where he's like, what don't you think would be interesting? There's just a kind of like, there's a touch of the ear or a curl of the lip that's like, oh, that's a little queer. And it's a trailing away of the volume of the thing. Yeah. Every now and then.

50:42What don't you think would be interesting if, you know, it's like, oh, okay. You can tell that's the way he was given notes by a Queenie director in all of his productions growing up. I like the choice, but I think if we did the choreography as well. Yeah. What? Yeah. You were talking earlier about friendship bracelets, and it made me think of jewelry, and you've got some good jewelry on. I want to know, what is your most prized possession? Oh, my most prized possession? Most prized possession. Oh, my God. What is the thing that you're like, if I was running from a burning building, and I could only grab one thing, what would you grab?

51:12Oh, shit. The burning building's my house, not some place I sell a fire. Okay, yeah, yeah. Because sometimes I'm just running from a burning building. Yeah. Because I don't want to get caught. Well, you're always in a burning building. That's one thing about you. Stop going to gay bars. So I, hmm. A thing in my, well, I love my wedding rings are on me. So is it something on me or is it something, because these are like almost always on me. Are those your most prized possession? No. And I love him. And I love our marriage. No, he's very special to you. Yeah. Yeah. And he does buy me nice stuff.

51:48Ooh. There is a photo of me and my mom and my sister and my brother that I love, that I really, really would want to hold on to for a very long time. I would be very hurt if that went away. Some of my husband and I's wedding photos. But everything is digital now, too. So, like, I don't, I'm trying to think of, like, physical, physical things. You have a cue card in there from Late Night with Seth Meyers. My first cue card from Fallon, I would really like to keep that. That's a pretty cool thing that I'm happy about. Yeah. Yeah. That's hard, though, right? Because everything is digital now. Yeah.

52:33So, it's things that used to be, like, it's, like, I feel like our grandparents used to be, like, oh, the box of pictures. Yeah, yeah. I grabbed the box of pictures. Yeah. I'm, like, I really don't have, like, things that matter that much to me. Because the box of pictures also has, like, the birth certificate for who that boy's real daddy is. Hello. Right, exactly. It's the evidence box. Old people actually don't tell you this. They'll be like, what's that? Oh, that's back when I was a mercenary, but we all got to. You know, old people, when old people talk about this stuff in their house, they'll be like, you'll go in one closet, you'll be like, what's this?

53:00They'll be like, oh, yeah. So I don't know how to tell you this, but you have an uncle. Yeah. People used to have secrets. Oh. We don't do that anymore. I mean, they still do. Old people had secrets in a way that's crazy. They had whole secret families, jobs, lives. Yeah. You learned some crazy shit. With old people's secrets, it was because of the pressure cooker that was, I guess, the times. Like, when an older woman would be like, oh, I can never talk about my first husband. It's because to be a woman who was a divorcee and then marrying a second man, people would be like, what a slut. She's had two men inside of her.

53:41And she'd be like, and that's not counting when I was in high school. Right, right, right. You know those older women who would be like, I never talked about it. Or they have an affair because, like, the guy, I don't know. When all those women would have affairs because grandpop was in Korea or in Vietnam and they never talked about it. And then, you know, that one uncle always did look a little different and he never said anything. And, like, they didn't, we didn't have 23andMe. And then 23andMe happened and now everyone's like, wait a second, I'm 116 black. And you go, well. Like, so those, those used to be secrets.

54:12We don't have those no more. We don't have that anymore. I have... Do you have... We don't have to discuss them on here, but you have secrets. Do I have secrets? I don't know if I have a secret in the world. Yes, you do. I'm trying to think if I have a secret. You've got a few. Do I? Yeah. Are they bad? No. Chance, what are my secrets? We can cut it if I don't like it. No, this is... These are your... One of my secrets. Like, if I... Let's say crazy enough. Hypothetically. When you kiss a famous person now That's a secret Oh I guess That's a secret That's a secret What famous person are you thinking of right now?

54:52Of you kissing? Of you kissing and you know what we put No no no I'm thinking of who you've been kissing You don't need to worry about who I'm kissing Because I just saw your eyes light up Well but no because now we run in enough circles And this is connected to early conversation There's like people There's your level of fame And then basically when you talk to people who are more famous than you, and like, let's say you get a famous person's number, and the first text they send is like, do never share this. And you go, I would never share this. And you go, oh, that's a secret. Yeah. That's a secret.

55:22Yeah. But if you see somebody, this is actually even juicier, when you see people at a thing, and you go, I'm not telling nobody. Yeah. Because it could... One thing about these famous people, they are fucking each other silly. It's crazy. Okay. They're stepping out of these relationships. And we can never say, well, it's not even stepping out. You'll just be like, you came to this party with him? It's both. Some of these people are cheating. They are fucking each other crazy. Almost every famous person you can think of has fucked each other. I'm dead serious. I will hear and see things, and I'm like, I can't believe those two are fucking.

56:00Or you'll go, you'll go, I'm happy. You go, yeah. You go, yeah. Yeah, look at y 'all. Kissing, holding hands. Yeah, that one's fun. That is a fun part of having access to that stuff is getting to know other people's secrets. I do like that part of it. It's a fun place to be. Can I ask a serious question? Whenever, do you fear that? Do you fear the loss of Caleb? It has happened already. Do you fear the further loss of any and all anonymity? regarding your friendships and your intimate relationships. No, it's not really about. I fear the loss of anonymity just in terms of being able to move through the world and being like, left alone isn't the right phrase, but just trusting that people are being nice to you because you're nice to them and not just because they think you're somebody.

57:01Anonymity is something that's very important to me and a difficult part of this job, boo-hoo, is definitely the dissolution of that thing that I love. But do I worry about... In my last relationship, I thought for the first time about whether or not I should post this person and how I should talk about this thing. And I honestly kept most of it pretty private. But yeah, I don't... My sex life is whatever. I don't really care if people talk about having slept with me. My friendships are pretty... That's cool. I don't know. It's not really tied to that. You do a very fun and good job in kind of a post-internet fear-mongering era where you will make a joke about a guy talking to you a lot on Grindr and then it didn't work out.

57:50Or, like, you have the hilarious story about the French hookup. You have, like, you have fun stuff because, like, I guess this is the first time that, like, queer men have been able to. Like, for the past 10 years, people can kind of, like, Like, there was a time when, like, if you would have been semi-famous and not on Grindr, people would have been like, what are you doing on Grindr? People are like, why are you messaging people? And you're like, because I'm going to fuck them. Oh, they still do that sometimes, yeah. Really? Oh, people would go, what are you on here for? And I go, what do you think?

58:17Are they Puritanes? What is this bullshit? No, they imagine that there's some echelon where you won't want, like, they go, why aren't you on Raya? And I go, I am, and it fucking sucks. Yeah. Grindr is for gay men who want to fuck. Yeah. That's what I'm interested in. I'm going to be on here until I either get monogamously married or die. You know who's here? Yeah. Yeah. And guess what? Sometimes Grindr can help you die. They will kill you. It'll help you die before it helps you get monogamously married. If you want to die, baby, get on Grindr. Yeah. Get on Grindr. If you want to try meth accidentally, boy, have I got a sight for you.

58:57They're cooking up stuff. They're doing stuff over there. They want you on Raya, but they don't know. These people, that sounds mean to say, what they think Raya is, they think Raya is something fancy. You know who's on Raya? Armie Hammer. Like, that's, you talk about, you talk about someone wanting to be on Raya. Raya, the fact that they know about Raya means Raya ain't Raya no more. Yeah. And Raya is so much, like, Raya is too ambiguous. I don't like I mean Raya's like sometimes people are trying to network sometimes people are hitting you up because you've got mutual friends what I like about Grindr is you can set your you can set your boundaries and honestly shout out to gay guys most of the time I feel like they once I put in my bio I do not want to talk to you about my job most gay guys stopped hitting me up about my job and I really appreciate that shout out gay guys shout out gay guys y 'all don't get celebrated enough if you tell a gay guy don't ask about my job he's gonna be like I'm not I'm not he's not He's not gonna ask about it For the most part For the most part For the most part Afterwards They might go Hey okay Well that's different Yeah That's different Hey I mean This is too personal How many gay boys Afterwards been like Caleb I really want some Waxahachie tickets You know what One of my favorite But that's a gay guy With taste Hello Hey I like that you like good stuff One of my favorite guys that I'm sleeping with right now.

1:00:26We started hooking up because he messaged me on Grindr and was like, I'm a huge fan. I would love to sleep with you tonight. And I was like, great. And we have a super fun relationship. That's beautiful. I love that guy. That's wonderful. He stayed at my house last night. Shout out to him.

1:00:40He's a great guy. He's a member of my beloved community. Caleb said, them dishes better be clean. There better not be no dishes to sleep when I get back. Please. Gay guys don't do anything. Gay guys do dishes. My husband does the dishes all the time. Does he really? Yes. I need to find a gay guy who does something. Listen, my husband, he does the dishes. I cook, he does the dishes, and we both cheat. No, no, no, no. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. He doesn't. He doesn't. You do. No, I don't. I don't. I don't even cheat. I go, baby, hold the camera steady. We got some clips to make. Don't talk so loud.

1:01:16People don't like to hear the director's voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Leave that on the DVD commentary. I want someone to do that for their sex tape. I want someone to be like, so what we were going for here, you kind of see. So you can see. Yeah, the themes. I do get pissed off when I'm watching porn, and it's too long on an angle I'm not interested in. Oh, my Lord. They're like from underneath, like the point of view of the sheets. I'm like, stop. Move back to some faces. Yeah, some of the angles now, I go, this is neither sexy nor impressive. This is kind of just a static shot that's weird.

1:01:51And sometimes if you see, like, you know, millennials, our brains are ruined. So now if you see enough porn and it's not feeling sexy at all, it feels clinical. Yeah. And you just go, okay, that's a thing going into the thing. Super tight shots on that as well. Get a face involved. I kind of need a, I don't know what I'm looking at actually. And I can't. I'm either looking at something really regressive or really progressive. It's hard to tell. It's hard to tell up close. You zoom out. You go, oh, that was an armpit. Gay sex. In the armpit. Cool. I like, I mean, I'm trying to think of like what, wait a second.

1:02:28What are we talking about? Porn. We were talking about porn, but no, there was a beautiful point you were making earlier. Oh, the fear of anonymity. I think that like the fear of my fear when it comes to like any sort of loss of like privacy. I'm okay with that as long as the people who are asking for stuff do it in a respectful way like I got off the train I was kind of pissed because it was hot I was getting off the train I was kind of thinking someone said hey are you that comedian I love a hey are you that comedian I don't I don't love people saying crazy stuff when they haven't established that I am the person they're talking to because now some people will say stuff I've said or they say a joke They're like, point and say a joke, be like, well, okay.

1:03:16It took me a rest because you were just pointing at me saying a thing. Right. And I don't move through the world every second thinking about me being someone you might recognize. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you walk up to me on the street and say something insane to me that I might have said at one point. That's nuts. I don't know anything about that. I love a are you blank. Do you know what I can't stand? What? And I don't want to have this conversation for too long because I do think it's probably boring to people that aren't us. No, no, no. Aren't you famous? Walk into traffic. Leave me alone. That is such a useless waste of my time and yours.

1:03:46No, that's a bad thing to say. Or do I know you from something? If you're not sure, move on with your day, sweetheart. Leave me alone. Don't waste your time. You know who? I hate that. You know, okay, so you don't like a are you famous. I will see a person who is of a note in various fields. If they even look the tiniest bit busy, I ain't even going over there. That's actually a bigger fear. It's like interrupting someone. I saw Jason Williams, the basketball player, white chocolate. I saw Jason Williams at the airport. That was his name. Don't laugh. That was his name. People called him white chocolate.

1:04:22Why? Because they said he played like a brother. So Jason Williams, I saw him at the airport. And you know when you see someone at the airport and there was a delay. Look at the phone. Stress. Not good. Yeah. I saw people go up to this man. I said, oh, well, that's not going to be a good interaction. Yeah. He's clearly working with something. Yeah. I hate that. I never want to do that to anyone. Jay, what's so true to you? What's so true to me? So, ooh. I've said this before. We know it's so true to me. I love bad Photoshop. I hate AI. Yeah. If you give me the option between horrible, bad, bad photo.

1:05:04I'm talking Microsoft Paint. Bad. I'm taking that over AI every time. There's soul. There's humanity. There's flaws. It's fucked up a little bit. It's actually more interesting than AI because AI kind of smooths everything and reduces us to nothing. I love horrible Photoshop, horrible graphic design. I mean, bad. I'm talking, Caleb, I cannot stress how bad I want it to be versus AI. That's what I want. I agree with you. Okay. Because also, by the way, AI half the time also has fuck-ups. So now what have we done? Right? Yeah. I'd rather you be able to see the outline of the event I was actually at on the poster for the different event than for me to have six fingers.

1:05:49I would much rather you be like, okay, that is clearly taken from a birthday party. I can see the H in J's. I can see the flames from the candle. I'd much rather see that. I want that out in the world. I'm so sick of this AI bullshit. And so many comedians are being like, but I need to pay your friend$20 to make something for you. It's going to be bad. You only paid$20. Put that out. When someone says, oh, I love how bad this is, be like, yeah, that's the idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. You always get to do that. Yeah, I'm doing that on purpose. Right? DIY. This is beautiful. It is beautiful.

1:06:25Because AI, I hate it. So bad Photoshop is so true to me. AI is terrible. False. Bad. Yeah. Cancel. It's so false. Hey. It's, okay, so I love comic books. I truly love the X-Men. And I know, I know. I get it. I'm listening. No, you don't like it. I'm listening. Don't do this. I don't care about it, but I care that you care. That's beautiful. That's how you know I'm a good friend. Listen, if you would have said this, I would have shown up at Beauty Bar. Hello. So I love the X-Men. And one of the X-Men's big final villains is AI, primarily because the X-Men are mutants, and mutants are all about the differences in humanity and the difference among people.

1:07:06AI is a smoothing over of differences. And AI first wants to get rid of mutants, then it wants to get rid of humans who could possibly have mutant children, and then it wants to get rid of humans in general. And we're not taking that lesson away because we think, oh, AI is fine. They keep making robots that can fight. Have you seen these robots now that can kick? A robot kicked a child. Yeah, I saw that. And the kid looked pretty hurt, actually. Someone put that in the code. Yeah. The robot didn't wake up and say, oh, I'm going to kick somebody. But someone said, 0011001100, kick. And the robot kicked the child.

1:07:43And now we think it's cute because we got a video. Yeah. No. It's not cute. It's not cute. They can't be kicking kids. You'll watch that clip, and then the next thing on TikTok will be, you know how you watch movies on TikTok now? It's just like every movie is in 17 parts on TikTok. so it'll be like you know what I'm talking about Michelle people are watching movies on TikTok? it's crazy someone there'll be like a whole TikTok account dedicated to a movie that they've split into 23 parts okay you'll be like oh yeah that is Anchorman yeah and so now you could see a robot kick a child on TikTok and then the next ad will be like don't you want to do more AI?

1:08:22you just saw a robot kick a child no yeah I'm good yeah but I you know but AI is terrible and horrible and I hate it. I'm also really interested in like what the plan is with these data centers. People are taking, like it's not only taking all the water but it also is making crazy amounts of noise. Have you seen? Yeah, yeah. There's like videos on Instagram of people being like sound meter in their yard. No. Like 18 blocks away from a fucking. There was that woman who got this beautiful house out in the country in Georgia, I think, or Tennessee where she like was like, I'm finally gonna get a little bit of peace and quiet from my husband and the horses.

1:09:00And then the AI center is... Crazy. All day. Yeah. And we're running that just so we can make posters. Yeah. Just so we can be like, hey, Grok, can you take Caleb's clothes off in this image? Well. Hold on. Hold on. Don't bring me back around. No, you can send that, Caleb. Yeah, you're right. You can send that. You're right. That's my bad. Jay, you want to play a game? I would love to play. Whenever people play this game online, I try to see if I'm smarter than them. And how's it go? Ah, you know. Yeah. Jay, I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said is true or false.

1:09:35If you get 10 or more correct, you know we're going to give you 50 US dollars. You ready? He's trying to make me go fast. I'm going to go slow. What? No. WWE stands for World Wrestling Empire. No. False. World Wrestling Entertainment. Abe Lincoln was shot on the same day the Secret Service started. False. It's true. Starfish don't have brains. False. It's true. True. The Parthenon is in Sparta. No. False. Athens. Ole Miss' motto is for knowledge and wisdom. No. That's true. What? You don't have to go to law school to take the bar exam in Vermont. You don't. It's true. The moon has no atmosphere.

1:10:04What?

1:10:08False. True. Okay. Tross. It's true. Count that one wrong. He doesn't like non-binary people. Chuck E. Cheese is older than Courtney Cox. Of course. There's two words. Say true or false, I dare you. I dare you. False. An acute angle is greater than 90 degrees. No, an acute angle is less than 90 degrees. Obtuse angle is more than 90 degrees. False. The current mayor of Jackson, Mississippi is John Claw. No. False. John Horn. A group of camels is called a caravan. Oh, yeah. True. False. The Roman Republic ended in 33 AD. No. That's when Jesus died. False. 27 BC. C.S. Lewis wrote the Chronicles of Narnia.

1:10:49Yes. True. And humans, the liver is on the left side of the body. Which way is the camera facing? False. The right side. Bush Gardens Tampa opened in 1959 I work there I don't know false true how do you do hard to say you didn't win oh shit Jay tell the people where they can find you you can find me at jayjordan.com for all tickets I'm on tour whenever this comes out I'll be close to you and if not I eventually will be unless that restraining order still stands yeah But you can catch me online, on tour, Jay Jordan, on all social media stuff. Come see a show. I'm doing a completely new hour. It's different.

1:11:37You can watch my special on Hulu. Comedy specials. We both got comedy specials. But watch Jay's on Hulu. This was very funny. Thanks, babe. I love Adam Hilla. Good stuff. Y 'all got to watch this one. But I don't know. Online, you can catch all the stuff. Yeah, follow me. That's it. Appreciate you. Thanks for doing it. Apple Pay is the simple, secure, and fast way to pay. That's because your credit or debit card is right on your iPhone. Accepted at millions of places, from big box stores to boutiques, you can check out with your iPhone anywhere contactless payments are accepted. Apple Pay is more secure than a physical card because you authenticate your purchases with Face ID before you pay, and your actual card number is never shared with merchants.

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