Josh Sharp Returns

28:14Yeah. What? Yeah. You know what I mean? But if you get even two-thirds of them, that's funny. Yeah. That is so funny. Connor Ratliff is so funny. All my little college comedy buddies, Chance Included and I, we used to, anytime we could come to New York, we would see a Connor show. Anything he was in. Arguably the greatest living improviser. Love. There's like four or five other names you could say, but Connor's one of them. Adore that guy. I would try to listen to an episode of 12 Hour Day, his podcast. Oh, with J.D. Amato, who I also love. Yeah. Hilarious. One of my old school people that we met when we were UCB students.

28:47Really crazy. Anyway, Connor rules. Connor's been in these streets doing the work. Connor does rule. Really, really funny. I mean, that's probably to me one of my favorite things. You know what I had the other night? Friday night, I... Sex with my wife. Yeah. Josh, how did you know that? Well, she texts me. Yeah. She's been frustrated. She's been frustrated. Well, we fixed that on Friday night. You've been so busy. No. My wife does not get touched. Samantha Samantha with a T thank you Samantha Samantha hi Ron

29:22I no I left I filmed I left set I went directly to a show at the bell house to watch my friends and they said Caleb Bunchie do a set and I said no I couldn't I'm so shy and I haven't prepared anything they said Caleb please do a set I said okay on the late show and I did a set and I had a great time and the audience was lovely and I hadn't done a show in a minute since I filmed the special actually which was a very stressful version of doing a show. And all the shows before that were stressful versions of doing a show. So it was the first time I'd really just been on stage to have fun in a minute.

29:48And I had one of those nights that you have in comedy every once in a while. Maybe other people have them more often than I do. I don't know. Where the fog kind of clears and you can just look around at all these. I mean, it was such a great show. It was like Joe Sunday, Asha Ward. Love. Esther Fallick. Love. And it was Mary Beth Brunen-Holmes. It was their show. It was Carly Kane. Come on. It was an incredible show and now I'm feeling bad that I might have forgot someone. Oh, Jared Goldstein was on it as well. Literally every single person is perfectionist. I know. And it was like, and everyone was so funny and so great.

30:17And good casting, can we say. Truly good casting. And I don't just mean like demographically, I mean comedically. Like a well-cast show where those are people who are uniquely good at the thing they do. Yeah, different styles. And Jared was there and was so funny. He's in town right now. And it was just one of those moments where the fog around everything that is doing comedy cleared a little bit. And I just looked around and watched all my friends do killer sets in front of a hot audience. And I was like, this is the most special thing in the world. I had a version of that and I can't decide if this is tacky to say but we're just going to say it and then if afterwards we feel bad about it you know snip snip but the shows have been great so far but because it is like theater but it is also sort of stand up like something Sam and I are talking about a lot is like how much to be a stand up and how much to be an actress and some of the stand up like talent is like I can work the room in a way you can't always in theater also in that theater because I have a giant screen and it's small I can see every single motherfucker's faces.

31:11Yeah. In a way, I don't necessarily need to. But it's like, so I'm like very in the room with you. And so we can sort of like, you know, feel the energy. It's like a little witchy, whatever. So they've all gone well, but they have like very different energies sometimes. And when I say the one we did the other week when we were in previews was like the, there have been many that were like, damn, that one was firing. Hell yeah. Insanely good. But this one we walked off and I was like, well, it'll never get better than that. Yeah. Like that's as good as performing is. Like the crowd was with me the whole time and the energy was electric and some like unique, like of the moment in the room things happened.

31:48And I was in my absolute bag. And then I went down there and all the producers were there in a way where I was like, usually one of y 'all come, not all of y 'all come. And then they were like, you crushed. And I was like, dude, we crushed. That's the show. And they went, good news. That was the night the Times was reviewing us. And when I say for theater producers, that's like sports. They're all like chest bumping me. and truly the part that's tacky about saying this and trust i don't literally give a shit yeah the times did not like dicks the musical like i don't care they might write a shitty review yeah i totally am fine with that i actually think most of if your art is getting good reviews uniformly like look in the mirror some questions i like shit that like dicks got a pan in the times and a rave in the post and i think that is so funny so they might hate it but just the feeling of being like it felt like sports but for she they's yeah where we were all like we were like hugging each other and chest bumping yeah and it was like not only was it just like also it was like mostly fun to do that show for the other 198 people like we all walked off being like this is as good as it is to do this what a like beautiful feeling and that then on top they're like and you won the big game yeah yeah yeah and you hit the game winning shot literally it felt like that it felt like i hit a buzzer beater well because there's just these there's these moments in your career when you do creative stuff that you do want to rise to the occasion just to see how much juice you can squeeze out of the thing you've been working on and it's rare that everything lines up that you have the great night they show up the way they were supposed to everyone agrees that it was great so that whatever comes out of those people coming whether it's good or bad you know that you gave the best version of it for the thing like just to feel so at peace i think is what it really is that's what it really is and again the tacky part is but i don't think we need to cut this i think i feel okay about saying this but the tacky part is um of course you may now look at the times and it will be mid and be like energy was off and then you're like huh but what's true is like all that really matters about the shit we're doing is how it feels to us and the people who made it and how it feels in the room to the people we made it for yeah you know what i mean so it's like at the end of the day it's like we all know those of us who were there on that night like damn that was special you know and so when you have that sort of feeling it's like oh my god this is why we do this yeah and it's mostly it's about just like trusting our own instincts as you know performers and being like i'm trying to do the thing that makes me feel good that feels most true and blah blah blah and then when that also syncs with their energy and you're like look at all of us sort of on the same page like riding this ride together yeah girl come on that's why we do this it's so good and it's also and it is communal it's like i i do believe i have to sort of like do what i do not for them but it's like but when they're fucking with it in the right way We are like all doing this thing together.

34:27It is witchcraft. Yeah. And it's hard because there's a lot of different like inputs that come at you all the time. I've honestly felt that way about this show where I'm like, I think we who are making this podcast know exactly what it is, which is that we're in the room. We feel special about everyone that we bring in. But it's hard because there's like feedback, you know, like sometimes people will be like, sometimes people will be like, oh, I don't like when the musicians come on. They bore me. Or I don't like when you talk, when you talk too much inside baseball with comedians. Or I don't like, like people have different things that they do or don't want.

34:52They're bringing a musician on actually after all this inside baseball. So this is going to be a rave episode. Or I'll bring on a fucking, you know, like the two activists I've had on. And that feedback will sometimes reach you. Literally my favorite episodes, to be clear. But I'm like, I just think the thing you're talking about, like when you're creating anything, even if something is like silly and not a cool off-Broadway theater show as a podcast, is like, yeah, you just got to feel good about it and know that you like what you're doing and be like, yeah, this is going to find in different fragments of this, will find the people it needs to find.

35:23The other thing, and I hope this is inside baseball, but in a sort of way that I think is applicable to every single thing that y 'all she days are doing. But I have become increasingly convinced too that it's like you have to be process over product, by which I mean, of course, you need to be like, I believe in this thing. I want, I stand by it. I feel good about it. But it's like the building of it and the making of it. Like to me, the coven building of this theater piece where it's just like, I want people, I want to go out of my way to like show love and gratitude to these people we've assembled.

35:52And I want people who are like feeling good to be in this room making something. And that has felt true this whole time in a way where we're all sort of like squeezing each other's hands being like, this is like one of those rare ones where we're sort of all like in love with each other and feeling good about it. And like, that's all that matters. It's like, who fucking cares? But also that part makes the product better. But it is just like, how do you make it that you're like lovingly, you know, like giving all of yourself to all the other people you're collaborating with and trying to be open for that to come back and just all of you leave at the end of the day being like wasn't it fun to do that together yeah it's like yeah great that's like all it is that's so beautiful i do think that's the thing you have to like put as your north star that's really beautiful i want to drop that yeah i do because that sounds really special i abuse my staff and i would just and they're both shaking their heads right now yes because they they go through hell and back but i'm now thinking that maybe i should do it your way where it's actually love and gratitude because i do i hit and i yell Just try it.

36:47I'm going to try it, maybe. I'm going to try. Although we've gotten results out of hitting and yelling. That's the problem, you know, because it's like, of course, it sounds nice to be at Kumbaya. We play the guitar. We sing the songs. But it's like, I hit and I yell and we make money, you know? So I don't know. But it is hard. You are picking up the checks. So maybe I should do that. Maybe I should hit and yell. I'm making three figures a week. I hit and yell. But everyone in this room, sans you, who works on this show, they drive Bugattis, you know? True. When it's good, it's good. When it's good, it's good.

37:15A Bugatti in New York City. What a choice. They street park because they know I'll get them another one. A Bugatti Bugatti Bugatti. And you can't drive it down 14th anymore. That's a busway. It's a busway. They're doing too many bypasses. Damn de Blasio. Damn de Blasio. I'm still mad about that. I used to take my Bugatti and cruise 14th Street just back and forth. I know it. From C to 10th. I know it. That was what. actually fuck all that gay shit I was saying about being nice to she they's when you work with them. Thank you. What life is about is being behind the wheel of that Bugatti. Yes. Starting in Alphabet City and cruising until you hit meatpacking.

37:53Yes. And then back again. Yes. All day every day man. Yes. And then I drive back to Brooklyn. I don't pay a single fucking surcharge to get into the island or leave the island. No. Damn de Blasio's fucked everything up. Yep. And then Eric Adams is trying to fix it but they're not even going to give him enough time. They're not even letting my guy Eric Adams have a chance. They're not going to give him enough time. Y 'all tithe to Eric Adams right now. Tithe to Eric. What's his party platform again? It's like. It's so insane. I keep seeing signs for it. Unfortunately, some of the businesses I love in my neighborhood are big Eric Adams people.

38:27Sure. But his thing is like coming through, showing up or something. Like what is it? Get stuff done. Get stuff done. Yeah, sure. It's like, gee, what? Sure, darling. Name it. He is camp though. I mean, I will say some of the videos he puts out really crack me up. Oh, absolutely. I can't wait for him to be gone and just to be popping into the cellar. A video guy. You know what I mean? Y 'all are lucky tonight. Former Mayor Eric Adams is here. Oh, I love it. That'd be great. What do you think is the best? Lisa Traeger getting bumped because Eric Adams wants to do 30. And Lisa would love that. She would be very calm about that.

39:01Josh, what do you think is the best thing that could happen to you this week? This week? Like, what is the best thing that could happen? In general. like the best singular thing you can imagine for me because of this week and how tired i've been one i want opening to be slay yeah i want to have a great time at the after party but then i have to do a show the next day so i'm like for like tuesday wednesday i want to get enough rest that by like thursday friday i can do this show and in the day i'm like i can go on a big bike ride yeah like that's what i want is to sort of be back i want to go on a big bike ride yeah waking up and being like i have the energy to bike around my beautiful city and then go do my show yeah that's what I want.

39:36Where are you going to bike? Are you going to wait? Are you going to back it up to the show so you can bike to the show? No, because I don't like to bike at night. Yeah. Same. You know what I mean? So I don't do that. So I couldn't bike in and bike home after. So really what I like to do is either, because I'm in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, either go down to Prospect Park, do a couple laps, come back. Incredible, by the way. Or go north along the river to Astoria Park. Those are my two favorite bikes. Huge. Or biking to Reese is fun, but half of it is awful. Yeah. Once you get sort of to the coast, there's like a bike highway that's cute as hell.

40:10Before that, when I say you're like, damn, am I in St. Louis? You're like biking on like six lane highways. You don't like it. Literally. Parts of Queens I've never heard of. Yeah. And I love Queens and I've lived here 16 years, but they're inventing new parts for you to bike through on your way to Reese. And they're not inventing it with the idea of you biking through it. I'll tell you that. Oh, sweetie, it is adversarial. They don't like it. The relationship between you and them Bugattis. Yeah. Them street parked Bugattis. And those 16 wheeler Bugattis. Hey, everybody, we are Street Park Bugatti.

40:36All we need to get started. That's so good. The bike highway on the west side of Manhattan that I took when I left you, the most recent when we hung out at the park, I love it. Wonderful. When it's just a separate lane away from the road, and all it is is cyclists and the occasional person standing there for no reason, and you just go move. Yeah, what's your play? When they're standing there? Because I got a bell, and I ding. When it's a person standing, I bell. Because I'm in the theater. I can't use my voice for that. No, you're saving. The only time I scream, I did it yesterday I was biking, is when a car is just turning into the bike lane.

41:12I do not slow down. I just start yelling at the top of my lungs, no! Well, sometimes people share those videos and they're like, look at this asshole. And it's like one of the bikers who's sort of aggressively going through the bike lane like yelling at everyone. And he's being an asshole about it, but I'm always like, well, he's right. Yeah. Also, by the way, cyclists are, I've always said, the cyclist community are at the very top of the being right but making your case uh unlovable by being an asshole about a community they're at the top of that community they are they're correct and they are not listened to because they're fucking douchebags however spend one day biking through your city and tell me you don't feel the same when you realize it's coming at all sides like cars obviously but pedestrians because they're just like not aware of you and because you're not a car yeah they're sort of like walking blindly in front of you and i'm like baby i hit you and we both are suffering yeah they're leaving shit in the lane they're often looking to see if a car is coming and then not clocking me as a bike coming.

42:02And then I'm having to throw on brakes to not hit them. And I'm like, this doesn't end well for us either, darling. Mind you, there's a bike behind me, so now I'm throwing on brakes. They're almost running into me. Everything's bad when that happens. Oh, everything's bad. I don't yell at people, though. I think maybe once or twice I've yelled at a person. You know, you bike in Copenhagen, you bike in Amsterdam, you go, well, this is how it could be. Yeah. You know, we can't be neoliberal here, putting it at individual actors. It's systems. Thank you. It's systems. Thank you. That was powerful.

42:27And that's what I'm here to say. that was powerful your listeners like this well we've done inside baseball and now policy deep leftist policy about about bike claims what now we need to do is have you talk about an album you've got coming out damn but y 'all remember he a run i'm just jk like we were coming out so we came out swinging and i think your people i'm not in the comments of your thing as much so you know i think they like our vibe me and you together yeah like the jokes of course but i think they see there's a certain you know energy there's a kinship and you can tell by the number of times that both of us are speaking that's kinship i mean for us as gay and southern one of the comments that did get to me not about your podcast about somebody else's they were like oh i just feel like josh like talks a lot and i'm like well i'm the guest yeah you think they invited me here to not talk yeah what would you have my friend loves when i talk trust yeah so you need to get on board yeah get on board yeah get on board with josh i'm on board with josh talking that's why i have i'm on board with Caleb.

43:23And also, two gay men can speak at the same time and both hear each other. It's sort of one of our special talents. Do you know what I mean? Gay men are really good at talking over, and yet I just did it to you, and I heard you say, that's what people don't understand. We're just like, we're on it. It's a superpower forged from God given to us. It's four-dimensional. It's given to us by God, and we of course foster and culture it, but it was given to us directly from God. Absolutely. Y 'all are down on the ground. I'm up in outer space. You know what I mean? You're so 2000 and late. Yeah. Really?

43:56Absolutely. If you think about it. And I'm 2025 re-elect Eric Adams on the Get Stuff Done line. Get Stuff Done. You should run. Run, run, run, run. A turkey trot. There you go. I found it. Yeah. I have a request keep the embarrassing story where I confess to being excited to learn the times was there but I want you to cut the part in which I stutter over 5k so it goes right from run-a and it goes directly to turkey trot turkey trot yeah I you've certainly never watched me do the ads on this show but the number of times I just completely fuck up an ad and go leave it in I'm human I've just stopped I don't edit them anymore I'm like they need to know that stutter was humiliating and they need to know.

44:41This is who I am. Rosemary's granddaughter, spitting image of my father. Rosemary's granddaughter? Do you know this song? No. I am. I for some reason thought it was maybe a joke on Rosemary's baby. No. No. Go ahead and sing. Rosemary's granddaughter, spitting image of my father. Wait, what song is this? And when the day is done, my mama's still my biggest fear. Because now it's feeling familiar. Who I Am by Jessica Andrews, One Hit Wonder. Sorry, Jessica. I don't mean that derogatorily. I think having a hit is a beautiful gift. Are you kidding? And so to have one hit is like most people have zero hits.

45:12Can we actually talk about that? Well, there are songs, and I'm about to mention one that's not a one hit wonder, but there's songs like, like Tears for Fears, Everybody Wants to Rule the World. When that song comes on, I go, if I wrote this in 1980 whatever, I could be like, I'm done. Creatively I did it. And I could wake up every day, hear that song on the radio and go, well, life well lived. Like there's some where I'm like, are you kidding? Yeah. One hit, one hit is all it takes. One hit is all it takes. I just think, like, respect. No, we use one hit wonder as, I think sometimes culturally it's seen as an insult.

45:47Think about the number of people. You're ignoring the word wonder. We should be in awe. Wonder. Wonder's the big part. We should have wonder at these people. Because they had a hit. We should fall upon our knees in the glory that is this one hit. By the way. You know what I mean? In deep awe, in deep. We should be overcome. We should be speaking in tongues. 99.7 % of the world's population lives their entire lives without having a hit when bitch by Meredith Brooks comes on fall to your knees and speak in tongues what am I a bitch a lover a mother a child I mean who else could have no one did that's what matters no one did I feel really passionately about that and I got very worked up and I had pizza for lunch so my tummy's just a little upset but I'm just I'm rife for something to go wrong I see that.

46:37And I can't have any more caffeine today, I told myself. And yet I'm about to do a caffeine challenge with you for our sponsor, Red Bull XXL. I wish Red Bull would sponsor with us. We're going to chug caffeines. Red Bull advertise with us. Red Bull advertise with us. I've been getting into Red Bull for the first time in my life. I've never had one. Well, here's the thing. As someone who doesn't do powders at the club, because one, there's all this shit going around. Two, I got the love of Christ. What more energy do I need than the love of Christ? God is in you. Yes. I had it under a bushel. No.

47:09Yes. And most of all, I got that deviated septum. It's not worth it. Right. So I have half a Red Bull. I'm like, why are any of y 'all doing cocaine? Yeah. My heart is thumpa thumpa. I can be up till seven on half a Red Bull. It's working like that. Oh, okay. So, you know, once a month when I'm at the club, half a Red Bull. I've never had one. And I think maybe I would benefit from it. I would like to develop a nasty drug problem. I think for a while and I don't mean to trivialize which era yeah I think because I'll say it's hard to imagine being in my 80s and not being like let's give heroin a go right I mean heroin is the enticing one come on heroin's the enticing one not now not now it's not the right time you gotta be on set at four in the morning I'm coming in I'm coming in doing heroin now I mean it just won't work and this is not to trivialize anyone who had a drug problem of course but for me I do think I live so I just think my life I could benefit from it artistically from a big problem.

48:03And there's nothing trivial about it. And even when there is, remember, we are the jesters. I'm a court jester. It's actually our job to trivialize. And there's power in trivializing. I am clown. Your issue is when you go, don't trivialize that. Oh, that has a negative connotation to you. Yeah. For me, trivializing is one of the highest forms. Yeah. You know? Thank you. Are we not clown? Are we not jester? You've changed my perspective. Do we not have an essential role in the culture? Teehee and ha ha. I posted recently. To look at the culture from afar and go, well, that's a little funny. There's something a little off about that.

48:37This is our ministry. For listeners only, you can't see how beautifully Josh just emphasized his point. Sort of, let me see. Listeners, tell us in the Spotify comments if you get what I'm about to do. This is our ministry. Yeah. That was that. I think there's a silent version of ASMR that just happened. You heard nothing, but you could feel it. You felt energetically. You felt energy. I bet there are people just listening right now who will inherently do what we just did and then come over to the YouTube to say, I got it right. I actually bet, this is witchy, I bet we can send them things with our mind.

49:08Yeah. Wait, I'm going to think of a number. I was going to do the exact same thing. Let's both think of a number. Well, I'll do it first. Okay. Or do you want to go first? I just want to actually think of it and send it to them, and I want you, the listener at home, to say out loud what you think it is, and I'm going to say what it is. I bet a lot of them are going to be right. Are you going to give any parameters, a number between? Usually people do that just to help the brain. No, I trust your sheathes. Fuck. They don't need that shit. Fuck. Okay. first or second? I want to go second and I want to just...

49:35Okay. I'm not going to make... I'm about to make no noise for like 10 seconds. Yes. In that 10 seconds and then I'm going to go... It won't be 10 seconds by the way. It'll be probably like 5. It's going to be 10 seconds. Now that you did that to me, it's going to be 10 seconds and keep it in. And then at the end of that, I'm going to go say the number and you in your home or your car or at the gym or during sex with your husband, say the number and then I'll tell you what it was okay so okay and here I'm sending it

50:18hold on Josh hold on keep your eyes closed I want to signal to Chance now what I think it is just so there's proof on the record of what I was thinking of eyes are closed and now I'm keeping my eyes closed. Do you feel like the... And now I feel the listener can say out loud what you know the number is because I've sent it to you. Say the number now, listener. Now. And the number that you received from me was 69. Oh! What'd you think? I'm scared to say. That's okay. Because it's so far off. What, do you want to try and guess? Hold on, I'm thinking of a number. No, now you do it. Now you do it.

50:54Okay, I'm thinking of a number. Send it to them. And this is for listeners only. God, y 'all thought Inside Baseball Musicians was bad. Listener. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Be careful what you wish for! Listeners, this is for only you. If you're viewing, you might have already seen. Ghost of Christmas Gay coming to haunt your ass. I'm sending you a number, listeners only. Viewers, you've already seen because I flashed it to chance. Listeners, I'm sending you a number. You now know that it is not 69. I want you to, listeners, say now my number. Say now. Do you want to guess? Okay. Your number was...

51:31454. It was 13. Wow. Wow. But you have to admit. Right. I mean, take a look. You have to admit. Because 13, 69, and 454. 13 times 69 is 454. I bet. Run that back. I bet. Run that. Chance, run those numbers. Run that back. There it is. He just showed us. That's what that is. 13 times 69. Yeah. 454 look at that that's crazy wait that's crazy show them

52:03trying to gas trying to gaslight my audience that's crazy but that says 454 we can't enough of these people have been in grippy socks josh sharp tada.com we can't play these games on them it's gonna hurt these people they're unwell i actually would pay money to know how many of my listeners have been in an institution. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. I know it because a lot of my friends have. So I'm like, I can't even imagine what I'm sending out. I don't want to go there. Not when I'm in previews. I have tech. I can't. I can't. I can't right now, Caleb. I have tech. Wait, I have a segment for you.

52:43Segment time. What's so true to you, Josh Sharp? Oh, yeah. Oh, God. I really wasn't prepared for that. Do you want to think about that while I do true or false with you? Yeah. Okay, I'm giving you time. I do. Joshua Cassandra Sharp, I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think what I just said is true or false. And if you get 10 or more correct, and you didn't even know I was going to do this because this is not the normal one. I'm going to do a different prize. If you get 10 or more correct, I am going to pay for two random listeners of this show to come see Ta-Da in New York City.

53:14This is amazing. But if you don't get them right, I'm not paying for those tickets. I'll buy two tickets for listeners. and you can find out how to pick them. You and Chance can work that out. Okay. But I will pay for two people to come see your show in New York City, okay? Understood. Okay. Guy Fieri is 6 '8". False. False, he's 5 '10". On Gilligan's Island, it was never revealed if Gilligan was his first or last name. True. That is true. More people live in South Carolina than North Carolina. False. False. It takes Uranus four years to orbit the sun once. False. False, 84 years. Miss Piggy and Yoda are played by the same person.

53:50True. True, Frank Oz. The largest statue in the world is the Statue of Unity in India. True. True. Ant queens live to be 30 years old. Ant queens? Like the queens of an ant colony? False. True. Tom Hanks was born in Canada. False. False. Meg Ryan, can you tell I'm working on not giving that away with my voice anymore? Yeah. Meg Ryan. But I'm fucking crushing. Nailing it. Meg Ryan has an asteroid named after her. Well, I just, from a place of deep hope, true. True. The Book of Mormon opened on Broadway in 2008. Oh, God. False? False, 2011. Yeah. Nana means mother in Italian. False? False, grandmother.

54:38The phone number for Empire Today is 800-588-2300.

54:48800 588 That part's definitely true 2300 God, I'm gonna go false True Damn 2300 Empire I was like, is the 2300 Are you tricking me with the 2300? That's okay 2300 Empire That's why Zebras have six toes on each foot False False, just one Nickelback, perform the song Lips of an angel false false was hinder smallville ran for 10 seasons true it's true jesus christ 13 joshua cassandra's sharp i'm so proud of you okay you guys figure out how to find those listeners this is huge and i'll and i'll buy some tickets yeah what would be the most fun way to do it chance maybe we leave two at the box office and just say uh whoever gets to the box office first and yells fucking fuck your face or whatever.

55:39No, we can't have people yelling, especially not something like that. What about whoever gets the most likes on this episode? That's true. Whoever posts a comment on the YouTube and gets the most likes. But what if they don't live in New York? Well, that's their problem. Get to New York. Well, then they've got two tickets to give to whoever. Yeah, then they can give it away. Or, what a great reason for a trip. You got two free tickets to the hottest ticket for summer. To the New York Times sure-to-be-hot-reviewed show. Ta-da. New York Times is like, like dicks, it sucks. Much like dicks. Josh Sharp does not have it.

56:07They declare. We're calling it. We've seen enough. Josh at the 538 calls it. Josh Sharp doesn't have it. They call it. Nate, what's his name? Nate Silver. Yeah. He calls it. He calls it. They implicate me as well. These two don't have it and they talk at the same time too damn much. Yeah. They should take a more cotillion classes. God, we all should. God, wouldn't it be nice? Some of these girls need manners. Yeah, they really do. You know what I'm having a craving for? What? I want to do a voicemail with you. Chance and I were just saying we don't do the voicemails anymore. Put your headphones on.

56:39Yeah, let's do one. Hello, Caleb and guest. So I just wanted to call in and let you guys know that I got married a few days ago. And for our wedding menu, we had chicken wings and they were delicious. They were smoked for hours and deep fried. And I just want to know, what's your ideal wedding? What is your guys' ideal weddings look like? What's the food? What are you wearing? What's your partner wearing? So let me know. Thank you. I know that's a big girl, by the way. I know that's a big girl. And I want to thank you for calling in, big girl. Thank you. I'll tell you my ideal wedding. What I want.

57:20Go. Okay, if I were to marry somebody who really cared about weddings, I would defer to them and do whatever they wanted. Okay? I do not like weddings. I don't want to be invited to a wedding. I do not want to come to your wedding. I'm sort of with you. Everybody thinks I'm doing a cool version of a wedding. You're not. or not. Unless you fully don't do it at all, you're not. That's the only cool wedding. Eloping is the cool wedding. You can't avoid being a part of the industrial wedding complex. I am begging you, if you are my close friend, and you are listening to this, Chance, please clip this.

57:48Do not invite me to your wedding. I don't want to come. I don't want to come, and everyone thinks they're the exception. I don't want to come to your wedding. I'm not fully there. I'll still go to some, but I just never, I don't buy that it's like ours is the fun one, but the exception is my brother's wedding. It was the fun one. I believe you. I don't want to come. I don't want to come to your wedding. I officiated my friend's wedding. Can I pitch why my brother's wedding was good? I loved it. Of course he's my brother, so I'm biased. Tell it. One, he's a musician, and so he got some of his incredibly talented musician friends, many of which I think you know.

58:17Yes. Rachel Price of Lake Street Dive at all, to do a little pre-concert. By the way. As just like a, come on, girls, let's play some music. And I hope he got up and did Louise, by the way. Say that. Because you know I want to hear Louise. Also, let's clock MIPSO Farewell Tour. Let's clock that. This summer, fall. please see the band Mipso. You're going to be going with me in Brooklyn. I already know it. You're going to be my plus one. Actually, I have something to say to you off pod about that. Also, because he sells fancy wine to fancy restaurants, he got a bunch of cool restaurants that don't cater weddings to be like, well, we'll do yours.

58:49You weren't doing the normal wedding food. It was people who were like, let's just like... It did actually sort of feel like a dinner party. Unfortunately, it's the rare exception where I was like damn you just have to truly adamantly work with only people who've never done a wedding before in their lives yeah my friend recently I was telling him how much I hate weddings because he had had one and he didn't invite me and I thanked him for it and he said well that's just you have such a wrong opinion because it's the only time you can get all your friends together and I said I don't need that I don't need all the friends from the different walks of my life to get together and then you know they're not kind of wanting to do I'm like I don't need that I don't know what the you say that as if it's like an inherently understood good thing.

59:30Anyway, all this to say, the wedding I would do is this. Me and my partner would go to the courthouse with whatever amount of witnesses we need to have. They would ideally not be family, just two random people from our lives, whoever's free. Maybe I called somebody and say, what are you doing right now? They say nothing. I say, come to City Hall, we need witnesses. We get married. Then we send a letter. It's John Cena. Yes. That's who you call. Yes. It's John Cena and Eric Andre from Netflix's little brother. And we send a letter to everyone we love that says, hey, we got married. Two months from now, we're throwing a party.

1:00:00Here's the date. No dress code, no gifts. Come if you want to. If not, you can buy us dinner sometime if you feel like it. Love you very much. Perfect. That is the perfect wedding. No notes. That's the perfect wedding. No notes. One party, no dress code, no gifts. If you don't come, we explicitly do not care. No notes. I love it. No notes. And that's it. By the way, my mom would get that letter. Everyone's getting the letter. It's across the board treatment with the letter. You going to throw a filter on the letter for your mom or give it to her all? I'm smoothing the letter. Okay. I'm smoothing mother.

1:00:27You've changed. Mother has smoothed. Mother has smoothed. What's your ideal wedding? No, it's that. It's literally that. It's like you got to just sort of not have a wedding and throw a party later. I've had several friends do that. That's the best way to do it. I like it. Respect to everyone in their weddings. I know it means a lot to you. I love you. I love you. But yeah, I think. I love you. Shout out to all my friends who have gotten married. This is, you know, this is talking to your straight friends about, you know, baseball or whatever. I love that you love that shit. Yeah. It is pastoral and boring to me.

1:00:56but I love that you love it. Specifically baseball, by the way. Yeah, exactly. Specifically baseball. I went to a WNBA game, got my life. You know what I mean? Some sports are good. Yeah. Well, you know, we're theater people. Basketball has narrative. Yeah. Baseball does not. Football does. I'm telling you football is, if you watch football with me, you'd be into it. I knew you were going to feel this way. I think soccer does, but football doesn't. Soccer? Soccer has a very avant-garde, fluid narrative. Soccer is a boring-ass sport. Energies shift on a dime. You have to be locked in. You haven't watched football, Joshua.

1:01:28I've watched it. It's a lot of standing around waiting to set up a play. There's too much pausing. You are sick. It's war. It's not narrative. It's war. You are sick. It's war. Soccer's a boring game for f***ing. I can't stand it. And of course the guys are cute, but that's what makes it so gay. Soccer is just a boring, lame, and I can't even talk to people from Britain anymore. Damn, again. Because half the time it's all they'll talk about. This is trivialized. You say this like it's a negative thing. I'm here standing soccer because it's for. That's what I love about it. Whereas your ass is like, oh, let me go down to the NFL arena where a bunch of alt-right oil billionaires have paid men of color to give each other concussions.

1:02:10Go ahead. Go ahead. I have internalized homophobia. I will never forget. I will never forget on this show when Alex English said something during his interview. And I said, well, what would you say to people that think that's maybe internalized homophobia? He goes, that's okay to have.

1:02:29Our culture can't self-loathe. We give it to so many other cultures. I said, tell him, Alex. There's so many cultures that have made self-loathing a part of their charm. Let gay people do it. Yeah. Oh, and that's okay to have is such a funny response to that accusation. And that's okay to have. That's okay to have. Yes. Yes. Ever heard of it? Next. What is so true to you, Joshua Sharp? Joshua Cassandra Sharp. So true to me is, and I don't know if everyone in this room is going to agree with me. We have to embrace summer. And by that, I mean, get outside and sweat. And sometimes people are like, oh, I'm so sweaty.

1:03:06It feels awful. That's your body working. You know, that's your body cooling you down. And there's a certain liberation in sort of giving up and going, you know what? I'm going to be sweaty and clammy and gross. And aren't we all? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, take a bath in the discomfort. Yes. Enjoy summer. Let your body sweat. and don't be mad about it. Do you know what I mean? A lot of people are like, I'm sweating. That's good. You would be so fucking hot if your body didn't have a natural way to cool you down, which is sweat. If you're going to be a summer girl, be a summer girl. I'm going to prescribe something to you, Josh.

1:03:38I want you to listen to the Annie DeRusso song, It's Good to Be Hot in the Summer. Because what you're talking about is a philosophy that she posited on her most recent album. I want all of you right now to go stream It's Good to Be Hot in the Summer by Annie DeRusso. I've been listening to it. I think that's the point. It's the point. And she specifically is talking about I'm done when it's 95 outside going in and turning the AC on 68. I'm sweating. I'm enjoying the summer. You just gotta. It's good to be hot in the summer. It's good to be hot in the summer. I agree. A visionary artist with a visionary message that completely aligns with what you're saying.

1:04:08A visionary artist with a visionary message. Thank you. And that's what you are. I'm going to get Annie a last minute invite to opening. Would you please? Would you please? I'm sure they will love that. I'm sure your team will be like, oh, thank you, Josh. throwing people on at the last minute. We love it. Okay, well, I just love you. Is there anything you want to leave the people with? No. I feel blessed to be here. I love you dearly. We feel blessed to have you. Well, JoshSharptada.com if you're any other than the two got free tickets, that's where you're going to have to go. Make your case in the comments for why you deserve it.

1:04:38Make your case in the YouTube comments and we'll find a way to get a hold of you. And then Chance, I trust you to pick that, to do that. Chance will figure that out. He's good at that sort of stuff. I can't get in there. As the artist, it wouldn't be right for me to pick. No, it's not right. We need a third party. Yeah. Or else we're going to have a La La Land situation again. You know what else? You know what I mean? We need a clearinghouse. Does the show have its own Instagram? It does. It's another way we could have done it is by following the Instagram. Oh, that's true. But we're going to keep it on the comments.

1:05:05We're going to keep it on the comments. That's what we already committed to. But now that we're saying it while you're there. You know what? Follow Josh Sharp today. I'm not going to say Chance isn't going to look more favorably on you if he sees you follow that. Yeah. Chance maybe we do something on the social media Where we say we'll definitely Pick someone's voicemail If they prove to us that they follow Josh's show That could be helpful I love this We want to help We like to be part of the story And as I've always said look for the helpers You originated that I originated that on my children's television show Josh we love you thanks for doing it Bless you Bye sugar