In short
Antonio Kareem discusses “double life” identity—switching between different social worlds (black fraternity life vs. secret nerd/white philosophy circles), growing up poor in Chicago/Missouri, family instability, and how those experiences shaped his humor and later work as a children’s counselor. He also covers stage performance discipline (why he won’t get high/drunk on stage), dating/“horniness” patterns, and belief systems (his stepdad’s conspiracy/Anunnaki-style teachings) before pivoting to comedy and food/restaurant talk.
Guests (and backgrounds)
Antonio Kareem (comedian; former neuroscientist/psych student; later children’s counselor; UIC then UChicago grad; grew up poor; Chicago South Side/south suburbs; father in city, mother in suburbs; stepdad raised him from age 3; Alpha Phi Alpha at Missouri State). Caleb (co-host; grew up in Chicago; discusses his own childhood poverty and family dynamics).
Key claims
People should “be authentically yourself” rather than imitate cultures; influence (weed/alcohol) can ruin improv/standup focus; he can’t use free time productively; “horniness” leads to irresponsible calls; conspiracy stories may reflect universal myths about giants/dimensions.
Notable examples
Fallon appearance with family flying in; sleeping on kitchen floor/pallets; kung fu movie mornings; Anunnaki/giants/flood narrative; Golden Corral and Cracker Barrel cravings; Little Goat French toast with popcorn chicken; costume-party planning and “close friends” pressure.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOLiving a Double Life
0:27 to 1:20
Discussion on the complexities of identity and experiences in different social circles.
“From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it.”
The Emotional Moment on Fallon
1:20 to 2:16
Sharing the impactful experience of being on The Tonight Show with family and friends.
“For a brief second, when you said mom flew out, dad flew out, two best friends, I thought you were referring to them as your two best friends.”
Growing Up Poor and Its Impact
2:16 to 3:39
Reflections on growing up in poverty and how it shaped perspectives on different backgrounds.
“I never like, there's a funny thing that happens a lot.”
The Contrast Between Parents' Homes
3:39 to 5:06
Comparison of living conditions and experiences between parents' households.
“I was in Chicago Heights, which is like a terrible place.”
Parenting Styles and Their Effects
5:06 to 6:45
Exploring how different parenting styles create distinct environments for children.
“As a kid, it was fun because we would wake up, and my dad was obsessed with kung fu movies.”
Conspiracy Theories from Dad
6:45 to 9:22
Discussion about the influence of a father's conspiracy theories on his child's worldview.
“I'm going to dip on my kids at some point.”
The Anunnaki and Religious Interpretations
9:22 to 14:00
Exploring the Anunnaki myth and its implications on religion and human existence.
“It just almost feels like your agency is removed.”
Exploring Dimensional Beings
14:00 to 14:40
A discussion on the concept of dimensional beings and their relation to various religions.
“There's one true God and then there's like these dimensional beings and that's what he like taught me.”
The Fall of the Giants Painting
14:40 to 16:40
A detailed recounting of a painting and its description, exploring themes of mythology.
“I liked it so much that I took a picture of not only the painting, but also the little description.”
Humans and Their Perception of Beings
16:40 to 18:20
Discussion on human projections onto beings and the nature of horniness.
“No, I need to be put down like a sick dog.”
Show all 30 chapters
The Struggle with Horniness
18:20 to 19:50
A candid conversation about the impact of horniness on life choices and responsibilities.
“You know, we have a problem right now where cannabis, like weed hangout spots, like weed bars and stuff, it's not working.”
Seeking the Right Vibe in Cannabis Spaces
19:50 to 21:00
Thoughts on the need for better cannabis social spaces and atmosphere.
“Is it the audience is high and you're high?”
Performing High vs. Sober
21:00 to 23:20
Reflections on the differences in performing under the influence versus sober.
“I bet that's easier under the influence because it's just in your body.”
Transitioning from Psychology to Comedy
23:20 to 26:40
A personal journey from studying psychology to working with children and performing comedy.
“Quickly realized I'm not fucking operating on nobody's brain, dog.”
Cultural Differences in Fraternities
26:40 to 28:00
A discussion on the cultural significance and seriousness of black fraternities compared to others.
“That's not my business, but I was very upset the whole day.”
Understanding Authenticity in Cultural Exchange
28:00 to 31:00
Learn why being authentically yourself is more valuable than trying to fit in.
“I don't know why sometimes it be endearing a little bit, and then you'd be like, I cut that off.”
Sponsor: Squarespace
31:00 to 31:46
Discover how Squarespace can help you establish and grow your online presence.
“So I feel like that's the, for the whites, I guess, y 'all just keep doing y 'all things.”
Sponsor: Squarespace
32:44 to 34:10
Discover how Squarespace can help you establish and grow your online presence.
“Use offer code SOTRUE to save 10 % off your first purchase of a website or a domain.”
Sponsor: Squarespace
34:23 to 35:12
Discover how Squarespace can help you establish and grow your online presence.
“When you're looking for an exciting new snack to try, TrueFru is making that choice easier than ever.”
Nostalgic Food Adventures
35:12 to 42:00
Join a humorous discussion about favorite foods and dining experiences.
“Thank you, True Fruit, for sponsoring this episode.”
Struggles with Authority and Creativity
42:00 to 43:20
The hosts discuss their contrasting feelings about authority and creativity during traditional work hours.
“Antonio, you have to be on my close friends.”
Birthday Party Planning and Costume Expectations
43:20 to 45:36
Caleb shares details about an upcoming costume party, emphasizing the importance of costume creativity.
“The only thing I will tell you is, it's so funny because Nori Reed was in here.”
Dating Dynamics and Social Interactions
45:36 to 47:22
The conversation shifts to the dynamics of dating and social interactions at parties, highlighting unique experiences.
“I broke my finger for real like five years ago.”
Navigating Relationships and Self-Perception
47:22 to 49:28
The hosts explore their perceptions of relationships and self-worth in dating scenarios.
“we don't talk enough about how these women are feral.”
Porcupine Theory and Human Intimacy
49:28 to 52:00
They discuss the porcupine theory as a metaphor for intimacy and the challenges of connecting with others.
“That sentence was so convincing and rehearsed.”
The Problem of Choice in Modern Dating
52:00 to 56:01
The hosts analyze the impact of choice on dating and the challenges posed by expectations and connections.
“Have you ever heard of porcupine theory?”
Navigating Attraction and Dating Challenges
56:01 to 57:22
Explore common dating challenges and the thrill of the chase.
Game Time: True or False Segment
57:23 to 58:58
Engage in a fun true or false quiz revealing interesting facts.
“But I mean, like, I think so many people are.”
Reflecting on Personal Growth and Creativity
58:59 to 1:02:52
Discuss the journey of creative growth and the impact of living in New York.
“You're going to tell me as quickly as you can after each one if what I just said is true or false.”
Pursuing a Creative Life Beyond Stand-Up
1:02:53 to 1:07:19
Delve into the desire to explore diverse creative pursuits beyond stand-up comedy.
“I just, it was my second year in New York, and I think I was like, okay, we got to get out of survival mode.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands for the super athletic stuff, like running gear for cruising up the trail. Woo! And the super athletic-ish stuff, like fishing gear for chilling by the creek. Nice cast. Fitness apparel to push for higher reps. You got this! And golf balls priced so you can afford to lose one. Or a few. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it.
0:34Just the worst guy. Just living two different lives like I was in a black fraternity. Turned up, cool, and then I would sneak off and be with the white philosophers.
0:51Let me pop out when I want to pop out. Seriously, I'm trying to pop out twice a year, bro. Twice a year. You did Fallon in the first two weeks of the year, so you got one down. The rest of the year, you've got one more appearance. I'll see y 'all in June, man. It was Fallon, right? Fallon, yeah. I didn't make that up. You just did Fallon. I just did Fallon. How was it? It was great, man. It was great. My mom flew out, dad flew out. Cool. Two best friends flew out, man. I cried. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was cool, man. I had a little beautiful moment, man. For a brief second, when you said mom flew out, dad flew out, two best friends, I thought you were referring to them as your two best friends.
1:28And I was like, I was about to cry. I was like, that must be the coolest thing in the world for them to hear. That would have been kind of corny if I was just like, my two best friends. No, I would have loved that. Are you kidding me? No, man, it was beautiful, dude. I had like hood niggas in Fallon's studio. Just two dreadheads in there, like listening to Chief Keep. It was great, bro. There's a feeling, a different feeling, but a similar one that I have as like a, I just grew up really poor in Missouri. So I'm often in these spaces and I'm like, we were never supposed to be in here. I know that about you, man.
2:03The one time I talked to you, like we had a conversation on the street. You like got a hood reference I was in. And I was like, Caleb, what the fuck? Like we got mutual friends. And I'm like, Caleb, really know about this shit, bro? That was crazy. It's a funny thing. I never like, there's a funny thing that happens a lot. I don't know if I've talked about it on here before or not. I've talked about it somewhere. But there's a funny thing that happens a lot where people that are not white will talk about, they'll be like, oh my god, growing up X, everybody knows Y. And a thing will be said that I'm like, it's not my business to engage in that, so I keep out of it.
2:33But a lot of those things, I'm like, oh, actually we're talking about being poor. You know what I mean? I like a lot of things, like someone will be like, I had a friend in college once, and this was when I learned to keep my mouth shut. They're like, oh my god, growing up Mexican, we always I don't even remember what it was, but something in the household. And I was like, oh no, we had that too. And they were like, oh, that's not really the point. And I was like, right, right, right. I was like, no, my bad, my bad, my bad, my bad. Oh, no, me too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This isn't really for you. Even if that's the case.
3:00Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, oh, okay, no worries. No, let the poor whites tell me. Let the poor whites tell me. Who's going to think of the poor white people? We had a few poor whites in my neighborhood, man. Shout out Gage, man. Gage, what's up, dude? I'm shouting out Gage. Yeah, give Gage some love for once. You grew up in Chicago. I grew up in Chicago. I spent half the time in the city, like Southside. and then south suburbs. So half the time as in you moved or half the time as in you were going back and forth? I was going to see my dad and then I was going where I liked it with my mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
3:34Was dad in the city or mom in the city? Dad was in the city, mom was in the burbs. Gotcha. But the burbs were not good. What do you mean? I was in Chicago Heights, which is like a terrible place. Yeah, of course. Yeah, but it was fun. It was ratchet. It was good. Why did you like mom's house better than dad's house? uh resources no same going to my dad's house was war bro my dad had one just a loose couch yes i slept next to a weight bench yes i was like dad bro even as a young kid i'm like we gotta get some decorating done you can't just be sleeping like this i'm telling you my dad go same thing my mom had a home with like i had a room and it's where i lived i went to my dad's house He moved a lot, but there was a period of four years where he lived in one place.
4:22I didn't have a bedroom, so I slept in the kitchen. No. And you're thinking, oh, he put a bed in the kitchen? No. I slept on the floor in the kitchen. Pallets? Like a little air mattress and a sleeping bag. Your pop's alive? No, he's dead. Okay. So be nice. No, I'm kidding. That's crazy. Yeah, dad. Dad. Well, you know who's to say. But the thing is, it's not like he slept nice either. He slept on a really shitty 20-year-old mattress that he just happened to have. All my dad wanted to do was play video games and drink. Damn, Caleb, we had the same daddy. Yeah, rock on. Yeah, shout out. You know what?
5:06Man, my dad, it was just like that. As a kid, it was fun because we would wake up, and my dad was obsessed with kung fu movies. so we would just wake up and watch Kung Pao all day. I didn't know he was high until I got a little older. He's like in this way more than I am. What's going on? Fuck with this Kung Fu shit, bro. Just a high ass dude. Just with a little baby kid. And we just watched Kung Fu. And that was our relationship for like four or five years. That's sweet. Yeah, it was cool. He was fun. I mean, he's the reason I'm fun, I think. Yeah. Because my mom was like, when you go, the repercussions of having a home and nice shit is that there's rules and regulations and shit.
5:51They go hand in hand. Yeah. Which is unfortunate. Yeah. Yeah. It's really unfortunate to have rules. Yeah. I feel like you get to be ratchet around that. And then, mom, you got to fucking button up. Yeah. So I had that daikon. Wait, so your parents weren't together your whole? No, no, no. Off a real? They were, yeah, they worked at the same factory. And my mom got broken up with or got out of a relationship. And my dad was in a relationship with someone. They hooked up one time and she got pregnant with me. What? And then she was like, I'm going to keep the kid. And then I'm, I don't know if my dad said, please don't.
6:25But that was definitely the vibe was like, please do not have that kid. What are you doing? Yeah. He was like, for real? And she was like, yeah. My mom already had a kid. So she was like, fuck it. One more. And my dad was like, I'm not interested in being involved in that. And then he came back around. Oh, that's fine. Yeah. At least he came back around. You know what? That's how I feel. I'm like, good for him. He did the best he could. Hey, man, look. I'm going to dip on my kids at some point. No. No, I'm not. I'm getting the fuck out of there. I'm going to need six months at least. Fuck off time.
6:54PTO time. Yeah. Six months of me time. Let the kid figure things out with mom. He's fine, bro. Hopefully, I really hope I get to have Nepo babies. Yeah. Black Napa babies, man. I really want that. Yeah. I want my kids to be fucking just go anywhere. Y 'all want to fucking step around, shit on people, be jerks, bro. I work this hard so my kids can be little assholes, man. That's what I want. Yeah. I really do want that, man. Because I feel like it's our turn to have that. Yeah. Because Jaden and them didn't do it well. No. Jaden is, I find him so interesting because he seems so melancholy about it.
7:34He seems pretty sad about the situation. I'm like, Jaden, he's always like crying and stuff. I'm like, life's pretty good, Jaden. What's going on? Oh, for... Do you know what I'm saying? Like, every time he pops up, he's like weeping and saying... Like, his Instagram captions are like, none of us make it out of this thing alive. Enjoy. And he's like teary-eyed. I'm like, you're doing good, brother. Jaden, stop crying, bro. no bro what are you sad about you that is the best point i've heard about what's wrong oh like just just on a yacht like oh man what does it all mean brooding brooding on the super yacht yeah i get that no i don't want no jadens i want willows though yeah she's cool she's fire and she's talented as hell her out that little album the brown album when she got the afro yeah i don't know what it is but that's the best album i've heard in a long time you can't deny it she's a beast.
8:28And she do the armpit hair. She out here living her best life.
8:37Well, you know she's talented. She's got the armpit hair. She not shaving the legs. She free. I love it. I love to see it. And she seems happy. I like it for her. She does, yeah. Now, Jaden, come give me a hug, dog. Let's hang out. You should get Jaden over here just to hug him. I would hang out with him. He seems cool. He seems a little sad. I could cheer him up. we'll have fun. I think you're a cozy guy. Oh, yeah, we'll hang out. We'll have a good time. I'll remind him of how good his life is. I'll be like, relax. Everything's cool. Everything's handled. You tell him about the factory that your parents are.
9:10Yeah, my parents worked at a factory. I mean, I will say, actually, I think if I was born into extreme wealth and perfect circumstances, I think I would be very set. I don't think... Because then what is their... I don't know. It just almost feels like your agency is removed. It's just like, oh, you're set for life. I think it's just his parents. Yeah. Yeah, well, there's something going on. I think if we was born with just some nameless, faceless, rich people, we'd be fine. But you got Will Smith in there, fucking just dancing and rapping and shit. And you're like, my dad is a dork, bro. Will Smith has destroyed his legacy, dog.
9:44Yeah, but the Red Table Talks, long before the Oscars thing, things were slipping out. Things were slipping out. It was cracks. Jada was saying things every once in a while that I was like, wait, what?
9:58So y 'all had August in here? I was like, what? What? Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Nobody's dissected this for real, for real. I feel like we talked about it on the surface, but it was cracks a long time ago. There were cracks. It would also be crazy, like, to watch your mom play that role and set it off. Like, can you imagine watching one of your parents play that role? No, bro. Like, that's crazy. Yeah. Flip on the TV. Struggle braids Truly like fucking the guy for the check Having a parent as an actor Tears while you holding on Crazy Crazy, crazy, crazy And then your dad doing the cabbage patch on the I'm doing the running man Your dad's a clean rapper You gotta get school supplies AJ,
10:56I understand why you Yeah, you know what? I take it all back. Yeah, we understand. It makes sense. We got empathy for you, dog. Wait, is your dad showing you kung fu movies how you got into jiu-jitsu? Maybe. Yeah? Yeah, so I have a stepdad who pretty much raised me from three, but I think the shit my dad showed me, he was like a fucking... Dad was like the conspiracy theorist. Really? Yes. He's the first guy? The first one, dog. He's the prime mover on conspiracy theories? The general, dog. this dude man i think he's the reason i'm kind of because my mom's just a black mom she's just trying to make sure i'm like successful this dude we would go to bible study and we'll come back from bible study and he'll be like so what you think about jacob's ladder what do you think about that the intensity of this impression even yeah for real bro and and you are six years old he'd be like what you think about jacob's ladder i'm like i guess god showed him a beam of light He was like, it was a spaceship.
11:59I'm like, yo, I'm trying to watch anime, dog. Then he'll flip and he'll go through it and be like, it says a wheel to fire. What does that remind you of? I'm like, all right, bro. Just a couch floating in an empty room at his house. Just sitting here. A TV this big? Dog, it was a weird place to be at six, dog. And I would go to school and have to just pretend that I believed in God the same way everybody else did. I think God has a flying saucer, though. Yeah. You have to go to school with all these sheep that don't know the truth? They don't fucking get it, though. Y 'all fucking walking around here.
12:41You idiots. Fucking dumbass. I almost envy you guys. Yeah, I wish I was ignorant, though. Because you don't have to know what I know. Man, that's a big ass. He was OG Flat Earth, OG Anunnaki. You know the Anunnaki? No, what is that? Oh, Jesus. What is Anunnaki? Oh, my God. All right. Oh, shit. Teach me. Yeah, put me on. Anunnaki is supposed to be this race of aliens that came. This is, I'm already interested. No, no, this has got to go in. Race of aliens that came. They're fourth dimensional aliens, right? They're meant to, they're basically angels. They're meant to watch over human beings. Some of them got a little spicy, came down here, made it with human women.
13:27Fuck. Created, she created giants. God didn't like that. Yeah. Flooded earth. Oh. Noah. Yeah. Oh! Fuck. Then. And we know that happened. Once he killed all the giants, the Anunnaki created this form of, from the remaining humans that were here who were like savages. Yeah. Implanted their DNA into us, created this version of humans. Yeah, regular size. Yeah, regular size. Yeah. Or fun size compared to no one. Yeah, the giants, yeah. And that's where we think, like our idea of what we're worshiping is really like false gods. There's one true God and then there's like these dimensional beings and that's what he like taught me.
14:15I flubbed that, but it is, that's the gist of it. It's like all the Bibles, all the religions are based on these Anunnaki creatures. Because that's why they all kind of follow the same storyline. So there's like these being like Thoth and Egypt is basically Jesus. Now I'm listening to you, but I want you to know I just saw a painting in Madrid. that it's called The Fall of the Giants. It was painted in 1636. I liked it so much that I took a picture of not only the painting, but also the little description. And I got in trouble because I didn't know you were supposed to take pictures. This woman comes over that works at the museum and she goes Espanol or English?
14:54And I go, un poco Espanol, but English. And she goes, don't take pictures. In perfect English? Oh yeah, she nailed it. Like it might be the only sentence she knows in English other than Espanol or English. Don't take pictures. but the description is Jordan's based himself on a small oil sketch by now in Brussels inhabitants of the earth the giants aspired to reach the heavens and were consequently punished by the gods Ovid narrated the episode in their fall episode of their fall in book one of his metamorphoses the giants attempted to take the celestial kingdom piling mountains up to the distant stars then the okay and then they got destroyed by lightning but that I've never heard of that oh then they got destroyed by the idea but I thought for a second I was hoping reading the description it would be like the same thing you were talking about but it is I think there's I believe there's some kind of truth to it maybe like I do believe in other beings and dimensions and all of that but I don't know if they were like if it was a concerted effort to come down here and just fuck on people yeah you know but I do think there's stories of giants in every religion it's so funny every time that we like as humans think of other beings like when we think of God or when we think of aliens we always assign to them the same like stupid petty like base things that we have.
16:17Yeah. We're like and then they ruin the earth because his lover cheated on him. It's like I doubt that they're trafficking in that kind of shit. They're my horny up there. Yeah. You think they're horny in the sky? Yeah bro Bro, fourth dimension? I think you get rid of horniness in the fourth dimension. God, I hope so. Me too. What a curse it is. I'm sick of this shit, bro. Being horny? It's ruining everything, dog.
16:47No, I need to be put down like a sick dog. Yeah, chop it. Honestly, let's get... We got to evolve past this, bro. Horniness? Horniness. Get it out of here. Get it out of here. It's ruining my weeks. Yeah, how so? I want to get shit done. I'm like, maybe I should call.
17:04I'm trying to read Norwegian Wood, and I'm like, maybe. You know what? Let me call up. I'm going to call someone I have no business talking to. I don't even like this girl, but let me call up. That was deeply honest, what you just said. That was deeply honest. Because we do. I have tried to grow up a little bit. In my mid-20s, I would break things off with a guy that I was not interested in. And then I would get horny three weeks later and call him. And then, of course, like, yeah, we enjoyed hooking up, but that's so irresponsible and, like, mean to know that someone likes you more than you like them.
17:40And I have really tried to grow. I almost did it two nights ago. Oh, my God. We getting. Now we speaking. It's like, you know, we were the same guy. We're the same guy. Yeah, we are. I have. I struggle to think of a difference. That's my thing. I think I like I'm I've grown past it, too. When I turned 30, it really shaved off a lot. Yeah. But I'm like, I can't use people to self-soothe. Yeah. Fuck. I'm just like, yeah, I'm sorry. Fuck. Yeah. We know we're supposed to. Serious time. Whoever needed to hear this, I guess. Yeah, I guess. Damn, no, that's true. But yeah, so I'm trying to get away from that.
18:18But the horniness is a problem, man. It's like anything else. I don't drink. I know you don't drink. No, not much. All the homies don't drink, really. Yeah. So I need, no. Oh. You know, we have a problem right now where cannabis, like weed hangout spots, like weed bars and stuff, it's not working. We need like a dive bar that does like cannabis drinks and lets you smoke joints. Yeah, but I think the vibe got to be correct. They still trying to put the club vibe in the weed spot. Cut it out. Cut it out. Get the grass wall out of here. Get the fucking grass wall out. Get it out of here. Get the neon.
18:57the cursive neon the fuck out of here i need water running over rocks yes i need some smooth shit play the charlie xdx we can play some time me one of those little gardens where i i rake the sand in a pattern what are those called the most obvious name dumbass let me rake the garden let me Smoke spot. A weed comedy show? You been one of those? No. It's, oh, Caleb, thank God. Is it bad? It's ass. Damn. Nobody really wants to be laughing. If I don't know you, I don't want to be laughing around you while I'm high. You ever try to laugh with a stranger when you're just high? What's fucking funny? Dude, are you fucking laughing around me, dude?
19:48I will fuck you up. Is it the audience is high and you're high? Yeah. The worst combination. Because then you start doing your little inner monologue references, and that ain't for everybody. I'm doing memes from Instagram on stage, and people are like, All right, this guy did not write a single joke. Now he's just like a high brain that's taking him somewhere else. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands for the super athletic stuff, like running gear for cruising up the trail. Woo! And the super athletic-ish stuff, like fishing gear for chilling by the creek. Nice cast. Fitness apparel to push for higher reps?
20:26You got this. And golf balls priced so you can afford to lose one. Or a few. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. I have never been, it was kind of an interesting thing I noticed. I've never been high or drunk on stage. What? Ever once in my life. Never? Never. And I never, I always, I guess I'm not opposed to it for other people. everyone do your thing i'm supposed to do it for me nobody do their thing people no don't do your thing it's bad everyone do my thing yeah i noticed in chicago like when i first got there everyone was like a lot of people were getting like ripped to do improv and i was like you have to be drunk to do improv doing that on improv is scary crazy i can't be under the influence for improv no i can't be i don't want to be high on stage because i need to be so like i need to be so locked in And partially this is because I bet people are better at it because if people have really tight jokes that are like very memorized to the word, that's not my style.
21:29I bet that's easier under the influence because it's just in your body. A hundred percent. I'm very like shifting things around all the time and taking off ramps and picking new. Like I need to be like actually cognitively present. But if you don't, I bet it's a lot of fun. I'm sure. Like the white boys I've seen that are very much like Trump. they be fucked up on stage, but they just reading a book basically. Yeah, they have like rote memorization and they are just regurgitating. Yeah. Which is a cool, I think it's a cool skill. It's just not the way I do it. I wish, I actually wish I had that.
22:04Yeah? A little bit. I wish my pen was a little bit more fucking college APA style a little bit. But me, I feel like me and you are vibes. We get up there like, and we got jokes, but it's like, we flowing. I'm curating. And if I'm high, I'm up there like, everybody okay? It's okay. That's the counselor in you. Yes. That's the therapist in you. I wish that guy would get out of here. Get him out of here. All the empathy is still there. Get him out of here. Get the counselor guy gone, man. Are you still doing that? No, we've finally done. That's what I thought. That's in the past. But yeah, it's like four or five months out from nine to five.
22:42Yeah. Yeah. But I'll miss, I'll genuinely like doing it, man. I really do. I think I'll start an organization and kind of bird's eye it now. I don't want to be on the ground no more, bud. I'm not an infantryman. I need general work. Don't send me front line no more. These kids, I love y 'all, but I hope y 'all doing well, man. It's a lost cause. You were a children's counselor. Yeah. Yeah, for a long time. How'd you get into that? I went to college to be a neuroscientist. UChicago, right? Yeah, well, UIC, then grad school, UChicago. Nice. Quickly realized I'm not fucking operating on nobody's brain, dog.
23:25I got to organic chemistry. I'm like, all right. I'm not going to be in the OR. I'm high in organic chemistry. Like, yeah, okay, cool. And then I switched to psychology, and I got really into that. And I was like, at one point, doing philosophy and all this. I was a dickhead in college, bro. Really? Just the worst guy. Just living two different lives. like I was in a black fraternity. Turned up, cool, and then I would sneak off and be with the white philosophers.
23:55I was tripping, man. But I realized I wanted to come back. Sneaking off to hang out with white people is so fucking funny. To secretively hang out with white nerds is so funny. Hey, bro, anybody who know me knows that's my existence, bro. I sneak off and hang with y 'all, bro. I love y 'all, man. I ain't gonna lie. But it needs to be a secret. Yeah, it does. Yeah. That is so fucking funny. Oh, it was so funny. Like, legit in, like, fraternity parties, like, doing a lot of frat shit. And then, like, sneak up and be like, do you read Meditations? Oh, it's great. Just having dialect with people. It was just fun.
24:37But I realized I wanted to, like, go back to Chicago and kind of change. I had that idea. Like, I'm going to change the hood. we're gonna do it man we're gonna get the kids together first job i was like oh we can't get these people we can't it's not happening it's not happening with me yeah maybe if i get enough money maybe i could throw money at it but at this point yeah it was um but i i did it for a long time and i really enjoy it the kids fuck with me because i'm not like going by the book i would like come in and it would be like this and eventually you do that enough with a kid they'll tell you what's going on you know what i'm saying and then you can work from there but it's trust really trust is everything when you come when it comes to trauma for me yeah yeah so that makes sense what fraternity were you in
25:28alpha phi alpha man come on yes bro the first i got in so much trouble one day my friend who was in a black fraternity uh chance you remember this we went to college we went to college together where'd y 'all go uh missouri state okay yeah and i we were at like a tailgate for a football game and i was in a uh fraternity and uh we had like a hand say a joke like a silly hand signal that we like made up it wasn't like a it wasn't an official organizational thing for us and you know the black fraternities have their stuff and i was asking my buddy, I was like, wait, I can't remember what y 'all's thing is.
Read the full transcript
26:06And he was like, I was like, what's your guys' hand sign? And he showed me. And then I was like, oh, it's like this. And I went to do it. And he literally grabs my hands, throws them down. I was like, are you fucking crazy?
26:22And I was like, he was like, you'll get both of our asses. Put that down. We had opposites. I was sneaking off with the whites for 10.
26:34I was like, oh, my bad. No, it's serious, dog. It's very serious. We got to calm down, though. That's not my business, but I was very upset the whole day. I was like, fuck. I screwed it up. I was like, I'm in trouble. Yeah. You were in trouble. I was in trouble. I've seen people get beat up about it, man. It's bad out here. Yeah, I think I had enough goodwill to get away with it for two seconds, and that's about it. The third second, we would have both gotten our asses kicked for that. But I learned a lot that day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's that serious. So the thing is, black fraternities are different than, I don't know what your fraternity is.
27:13Mine was not a historically black fraternity. Okay. Yeah. I don't know if you guessed that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I kind of guessed. There are some. There's always like one or two white guys. Shout out Brendan, man. Right, exactly.
27:25Exactly. Exactly. exactly yeah it's uh it's just we take it a little bit more serious because it's like we needed the fraternities yeah and colleges and all of that it's historical whatever i keep making it so serious but it is serious for sure so it was like yeah i'm glad he smacked your hands there was no part of me that argued with it the only thing i thought was why didn't i think of that oh that would have been funnier if you did well what yeah i've seen white dudes do that Do what? I've seen white dudes try to stroll. Oh, yeah. Yeah, let's get into it. Yeah, I mean, we really are such a humiliating...
28:02That's humiliating to hear. It's bad, man. It's so... But it's... I don't know why sometimes it be endearing a little bit, and then you'd be like, I cut that off. I'm like, no, this dude's a fucking dumbass. It's not... It's what it... I mean... Yeah, I mean, I obviously can't say if it's endearing or not. It's not my place. But I do think the note that I would give a lot of white people is like... Everyone that you want to like you will like you more if you just do your thing. No, say that to the... Bro. We put piano music behind this?
28:36Dog. White dudes got to understand. And this is crazy that they don't know this already. But like, we just want y 'all to be wacky whites, bro. Please. Just be. Oh my God. We love it when y 'all just be white. It's fun. you come up fucking and not that's the stereotype of the white people like when a white dude's like i have no idea what you're talking about yes you don't thank you bro that's what we want man stop trying to mesh everything up like let it let it be yeah and it's like the i the the heart of it i know is is that they're the genuine heart i know so many white people like this and i'm like your heart is that you want this uh this black person or this mexican person or this asian person and to know that you're like, I like you, and I want to be friends.
29:24But, yeah, most people just want you to be authentically yourself, and that will get you so much further than trying to imitate. And also, if your truth is, yeah, I think the truth is the thing. If your truth is that you actually grew up in a non-white neighborhood and you have a lot of the same experiences and ideas and culture, then that's your truth. And we can tell. Yeah. It's like, one of my favorite rappers is a, well, no, she's not my favorite. Okay. Hold on, let me calm down. No, wow, I'm getting out of hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A good rapper right now is this white girl from Indiana. Yeah.
29:58Georgiana. Have you heard of his name? Georgiana, is she the - She's terrible at rapping. Oh. But she's doing it honestly. Like, you can tell she just loved to rap as this little white lady. She's like, huh? Hmm? Most of her aliens are just hot doing it. She's like, what? She's confused as hell, yeah. But she killing it. And it's like, do that, man. I'm okay with that. Like, I don't want to mesh cultures. Honestly, I'm cool. Y 'all, we can come, we can visitation. Yeah. Visitation. We can have racial visitation. Racial visitation needs to be the name of something immediately. A special, a nonprofit, a 501c3.
30:36Racial visitation needs to be something immediately. Let's get racial visitation fucking popping, bro. Racial visitation. Honestly, we're going to start racial. It's a podcast. Yeah. Racial visitation is our podcast. It's going to be once an episode every six months. Just to check in. Just to check in. How are things with you? Oh, it's great, man. What have you been watching and listening to? Let's share. Let's share. That is so funny. Yeah, man. So I feel like that's the, for the whites, I guess, y 'all just keep doing y 'all things. You know, white people, white people, if you need anything, reach out.
31:09Let me know how I can help. Let me know how I can get you to not be strolling. I don't, that is so humiliating. Oh, yes, that's what I was talking about. That is how we got here. That guy. Yeah. It's, um, because they see you just having a good time. Because we all having fun strolling. And we getting all the girls. And then they fucking try to clean. That's fucking. Try to clean. Please. And you can't really beat his ass. You just got to, like, mush him and pat him. Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. Not mush. Yeah, we was mush him. The head on face mush. Yeah. That is so funny. Yeah, man. That's so funny.
31:46This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.
31:52Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. We all could use a good website in this day and age, I tell you what. And Squarespace has so many awesome features to get yours up and running. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. From consultations to events and experiences, to showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business, get paid on time with professional on-brand invoices and online payments, plus streamline your workflow with built-in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools.
32:28Wow. Get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be designed to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto-generated sitemap and more. So show up more, often on search engines, and bring in more of your ideal customers. Head to squarespace.com slash so true for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, Use offer code SOTRUE to save 10 % off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Thanks, Squarespace. There's something about a new workout set that makes you feel unstoppable. The problem? Buying new gear all the time isn't realistic. Gear? But when you join Fabletics as a VIP, that'll all change.
33:05New VIPs unlock insane savings on their first outfits, so getting that fresh set boost is suddenly doable. I legitimately love their stuff. It is true. I do love Fabletics. I'm wearing Fabletics as we speak. And I didn't know we were doing this ad today. They have clothes for fat people. And I don't know if they want that in their messaging or not, but that is the truth about them. Oh, they're so comfortable and cute. The quality is out of this world. Fabletics pieces feel like the kind of high-end active wear you'd easily pay a couple hundred dollars for. But you get that same premium fit and durability for the, I mean, they're clothes, you guys.
33:35For a fraction of the price. At that point, the VIP membership basically pays for itself. The fit dialed in. No waistbands creeping down. Joggers that actually keep their shape. Jackets that are worn without being bulky. everything feels soft, breathable, flexible, and built for whatever your day looks like. Workouts, travel days, getting back into your routine, or... Okay, just a sentence that doesn't end. It's one of those brands that once you try it, you get it. The value, the styles, the flexibility. That's the appeal of Fabletics. I just love them. Fabletics already has incredible deals, and I've got an exclusive offer just for my listeners, or as I like to call you, disciples.
34:07Get 80 % off everything when you sign up as a VIP. Just head to fabletics.com slash so true. Take a quick style quiz and be sure to select So True when prompted to unlock your 80 % off. That's Fabletics.com slash So True. Folks, this episode is sponsored by TrueFru. In a world where there's hundreds, if not thousands of options, probably definitely thousands. When you're looking for an exciting new snack to try, TrueFru is making that choice easier than ever. I actually really love eating these. My favorite flavor is probably the frozen strawberries with milk and white chocolate. TrueFru is made with real fruit and real chocolate or yogurt, and you can taste the quality in each bite.
34:41You keep them in the freezer to ensure they stay fresh and ready to grab when you want something sweet. True Fru is the ultimate treat that's also made from real ingredients, so it feels like a better dessert option without sacrificing taste. They're perfect for everyday snacking on any occasion. Grab a handful of True Fru when you're watching TV, or maybe when you're winding down at the end of a long day, or put them out on the kitchen table next time you're hosting friends or enemies, and watch the feeding frenzy begin. Be sure to save a bag for yourself, though. Trust me, they go fast. So next time you're at the grocery store, Be on the lookout for those blue bags with fruit found in the freezer aisle.
35:12Thank you, True Fruit, for sponsoring this episode.
35:18Brendan, who you shouted out. Yeah. What was the haircut? Oh, that's so funny. He came in with the white, the coif. No. He came in, coifed it, left with a fade. I knew it. He's faded now. I knew it. And did he, no, there's no chance he did. He didn't have red hair. No. Not a white guy with a fade on red hair. That's the classic one. Brendan, he was a dirty blonde. What is it called? Strawberry blonde. Dirty blonde is crazy. I know Brendan. I've met him in many lifetimes. Brendan was very much social justice. Shout out to him, man. He was a good guy. The first time I met a white guy like that was he was a line cook at Applebee's.
35:58The line cook to a black fraternity. It's not a joke.
36:06It's not a joke. And I really liked him. I was a host there. And he was like 10 years older than me. And he ran that kitchen like the goddamn Navy. And I was like, I like that guy. Wait, that was your first job? No, my first job was at a Golden Corral. I will say I got there. I was supposed to be just working the cash register. And then I showed up on day one. And they're like, you're also going to decorate the cakes. And I was like, oh. You can't go cake. I said, oh, that felt because I was not out of the closet. but I was like, that felt a little homophobic. They saw something in me. You'll do the cakes.
36:39And I did. I decorated the fuck out of those cakes. Oh, well, then they was right. Putting the little carrots on the carrot cake. They saw the talent in you. Dude, I was, because I don't know if anyone's ever eaten a Golden Corral. Every slice of carrot cake in Golden Corral has a little tiny carrot design on it and frosting. That's beautiful. I was going crazy on those things. Also, Golden Corral, best cinnamon rolls on the planet. Thank you for saying that. Yes. Golden Corral, Bourbon Street Chicken. is something so special and powerful to me to this day. I went to a Golden Corral in Springfield, Illinois, bro.
37:11Let's go. When they took us on the Lincoln exhibit, shout out eighth grade. Shout out Abe Lincoln. Nah, he, whatever. Whatever with him. This isn't about, this is about Golden Corral. Yeah. Bro, I've never had a cinnamon roll that fucking good in my fucking life. Special things are happening at Golden Corral. Are they still around? Oh, they're around. We should hit that up. Dude, I would love to go to Golden Corral. Last time we were on tour, I made everyone stop at a Golden Corral. We should get the squad together. Let's go to a Golden Corral. What is the nearest Golden Corral to New York City, Chance?
37:43I'm looking it up. Thank you. Oh, my God. I took the homies, all the New York people that lived here their whole life. They'd never been to Cracker Barrel. Okay. There's one in the Bronx. There's a Golden Corral in the Bronx? Yeah, Van Nest. Whoa. I don't know about that. I'm wondering how I would be received up there. If my fat ass walked into the Golden Corral in the Bronx, if they'd be like, hey, there's a limit. Don't come up here and be crazy. No offense to the Bronx. I don't think they got the spirit for a Golden Corral. I don't know if they have the space. A Golden Corral needs a certain level of space to radiate the energy that it needs to have.
38:19That is true. Every Golden Corral is like a palace. Yeah. You see it shining. It's like one thing. You need a 40 car parking lot. And a moat in front. Yes. Legitimately. Wait, hold on. Nah, we got it. So I drove the homies that never, we drove out of the city to go to Cracker Barrel. Cracker Barrel. Cracker Barrel is Chance's favorite restaurant. He loves to stop at a Cracker Barrel. And you know what? Michelle, who's not here right now, Michelle, I learned, only after hiring her, I might not have if I had known, she also loves Cracker Barrel. And her goal is to eat at like every one of them in the country.
38:57And now I'm terrified for when we go on tour next because I'm going to be outnumbered. Yeah. Okay, not every... She trying to go to every one? Does she mean it? I don't know, but she loves a Cracker Barrel. I'm not going to lie. Cracker Barrel, I put up with whatever's going on in there. Yeah.
39:16I walk in. I'm like, yep, yep. I don't like that I'm here. Yep, yep, yep. Serve me up. I need potato. I'm doing the casserole. Casserole? They got this hash brown casserole? I didn't even know about this, I don't think. Oh, my God. There's cheese in there. They seasoning it up. Oh, we got to go, bro. We need a Golden Corral and a Cracker Barrel. Hash brown casserole, steak tips. Whoa. They soak them in garlic butter. Whoa. And then I'm a snob for French toast. I genuinely am scouring the country for the best French toast. Let's go to Cracker Barrel. 100%. I wonder what the best French toast I've ever had is.
39:57I know I've had some good ones. I can't remember where the best one I've had is. But I'm going to think. Actually, have you ever had a French toast with a, I don't remember the place I had this most recently. But sometimes they'll serve French toast with like an orange cream glaze kind of thing. Yes. That to me is very special. Little Goat in Chicago. Yeah? Best French toast on the planet. Wow. So they do the OG maple syrup. They chop up the strawberries. but then what they do, little crunches of chicken, fried chicken, crunch little popcorn chicken sprinkled on it. Yeah, that's really special to me.
40:33Oh, I cried in that joint, bro. That's really special. I cried. I was dapping everybody up. They were like, what the fuck is wrong with them? Yeah, all right, yeah. Okay, bro. That's so funny. Yeah, but that's my bag right there. Wait, I have a question for you. Okay, so we're done. Child therapy, forget the kids. We're not worrying about them anymore. Comedy full-time? Full-time, baby. How's it going? I'm really good. Yeah? Yeah. Are you good with the free? Okay, this is my question. Yeah, okay. Me neither. No. I thought my whole early 20s teens when I was working all the time, I thought, man, once I have free time, it's over for everybody.
41:11I'll write a movie a day. I'll write new jokes. I just was like, I'll do it. And I cannot get myself to use my free time. I'm not disciplined. I wake up at 3.30 p.m. Some days. I wake up at 3.30 in a huff in a daze, rush to the coffee shop, drop my coffee. You need to go get dinner. I'm still acclimating to, because, you know, I've worked nine to five. So I'm like, the first few months, I was just like, I'm waking up when the fuck I want to wake up. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Now I'm to 11 now. Yeah, that's really good. Yeah, 11. i mean that i still hit the gym i still do what i gotta do but it's late yo that makes sense to me i mean also if you're doing a lot of i i a lot of comics do i know that a lot of comics do this i had so many comics are sleeping as late as they possibly can in the day because they're gonna do a 2 a.m spot at wherever the fuck 100 but what you're saying is i always thought i'm sitting in my nine to five like doing a session with a kid they leave out i do my notes for the kid and i'm rushing to write jokes or thinking about i felt way more creative during the nine to five days honestly it's actually same and it's been really distressing to me yeah because i hated my i hated my days then i liked my life but i hated i hated having to be somewhere i have a real problem with authority it's like the most identifying thing about me 100 i don't like i don't even like when i tell me what to do like i resent being told what so we gotta go to the gym I'm telling myself, fuck you, dude.
42:42You're going to tell me to write jokes? Okay. Fuck me. We'll see. Fuck you to me. I hate being told what to do. I'm with you. When's your birthday? It's this week. Oh, shit. Happy birthday. You coming to my birthday party? Now. Are you on my close friends? No. Yes, you are. Am I? You got to be. Antonio, you have to be on my close friends. Caleb, I better be on that close friends, man. If I check right now and you're not, how embarrassed will I be? Oh, my God. Yes, Saturday night. What are you doing Saturday night? I'm at your party. This won't be out by then, so I feel very comfortable. Wait, Antony.
43:14Yeah, don't. Yeah, I'll be there. Well, a problem has been remedied. Okay, here we go.
43:24Don't worry, something just got fixed. It's a costume party. Okay, I'm with that. You got to get a costume. What's the thing? It's like Halloween, no theme. The only thing I will tell you is, it's so funny because Nori Reed was in here. You know Nori? Yeah. Nori Reed. she was in here yesterday hanging out and she told me her costume idea and she was like she was like yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna wear just like a dress and i was like it's not gonna cut it like you can't you can't you can't phone it in on the birthday and then i posted a close friend story being like hey everybody nori just told me that she was planning on wearing a dress at the party there's several days before the party i just want to let anyone else planning on phoning it in to know like you have time to make a different choice people start dming me i'm getting dms someone messed me and said two nights ago I had a nightmare that my costume flopped.
44:09You run a tight ship then. I'm creating a culture of fear at the birthday party. People come in shaking. Is my costume good enough? Oh, okay. So I've got to lock in. Now I'm scared to be on the close friends. No. When you get on close friends, you start out in trouble and work your way out. Okay.
44:28I got to get my shit together. No, the way I put it is like I'm so serious about the costume. It's an open bar. There's a great DJ. It's going to be a great night. Vibes. The way I put it is, if you're planning on coming as Jake from State Farm, that shit pisses me off. If you could walk down the street and someone wouldn't know you're in costume, you know as well as I do that you phoned it in. Yeah, I wouldn't do that to you. I know you wouldn't. No. That's not you. But you definitely need to come. I will be there. Come have fun. Here's what I'm going to tell you. It's supposed to be seven degrees on Saturday.
44:59I am already anticipating the texts I'll get on Sunday. They're like, hey, so sorry. You know, a pipe burst. No, it didn't. Yeah. It was cold and you didn't want to do the Uber. And I'm already, I'm prepared. I'm preparing myself to be gracious. I'll tell you one thing, bro. I get creative with those excuses. Oh, yeah. To the homies? Yeah. Oh, man. You wouldn't believe the things I can come up with. Oh, yeah. We get in the mud. I'm doing more creative writing there than I am on my set. My best writing is in them text messages.
45:32I'm going to town, man. Yeah. I'm not going just grandma. No. It ain't grandma. No, grandma's healthy. I'm pulling a picture. I broke my finger. I broke my finger for real like five years ago. Yeah. I still got the picture. Please. You're going to be using that picture when your hands don't even look like that anymore. Exactly. Yeah. But I'm like, it's only dislocated, so we chilling. Yeah. But I'm sorry. Don't worry about me. Yeah, that's the thing is you have to come up with something severe enough that your absence is excused. Yes. But not so severe that they start sending flowers. Uh-huh. But I...
46:04I am in that thesaurus, though. I'm using them words. I'm like, this bequeaths me. Indubitably, I have encountered. Oh, my goodness, man. Yeah. But I won't hit you with it. No, no, no. I feel that you'll come through. And it's going to be very fun. And you're single. Yeah. There's going to be. Let me tell you something.
46:29Antonio, you can't think of a better room in the country to be in than a party that I'm throwing if you're a single straight man. Caleb, somehow we run in the same circle a little bit. Yeah. We have adjacent circles. Yeah. I've been in those rooms with you and your people. I was not single the first time, but this time I'm going to have some fun. That's all. Oh, Caleb, I'm ready for this. You're going to have a very fun night. My friend, I guess I won't name him. Maybe it would embarrass him. I have a single straight guy friend who's a very talented musician. At the party last year, every once in a while, I would cock my head and find him, and he would be in a corner.
47:10These girls are – he's like there's a member of the Blue Man group trying to get his number. You know what I mean? He is just like cornered. Crawling up the wall. Truly. These girls are feral because straight women don't get – we don't talk enough about how these women are feral. Eeks. Eeks.
47:31So the Fallon shit, man. My DMs look like Mardi Gras right now. Yeah. People don't talk about it. And I think I'm the only man that can talk about it. Yeah. And I'm sorry. Y 'all, these girls, man, they wild. It's bad. When was your last relationship? Because now I'm trying to get to the bottom of what's going on with you. We can get to the bottom. I'll tell you. We can talk about it. You're a conventionally attractive, very funny child therapist. who's a comedian that also dresses well. You have good style. Thank you. And you're a nice guy. So I'm like, either you're a serial killer or every woman in the world is really bad at dating.
48:09But something is going on. I'm not a serial. That is a pipeline, though. Yeah. All the attributes, he's murdering people. Are there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got empathy, so I'm not murdering people. Yeah. I'm a ho. That's a problem. See, that's what it is. That's what it is. When are you going to settle down? I don't know. Oh, Caleb. How long are you going to do this? I don't know. It's about three more years. You think so? No, no, no. That was a joke. It felt sincere. Immediately backing off of that. About three more years? You think so? No, no, no, no. The thing is, because I truthfully, I am that.
48:48I want to have a family and all that shit, but I got that thing in me, man. I got that hunger. I have that darkness. I got that darkness. That darkness that says keep looking. Yeah, it's a, I don't know when I'm going to settle down. I think I have this ideal woman in mind, and that's the problem. You shouldn't be walking around with too much of an ideal of something. You should let that whatever's for you come to you naturally instead of projecting out. You should let the thing come to you. So I'm trying to work on that. And I got shit I need to work on before I can really be with a girl. That was the problem with the last relationship.
49:26Yeah. Like, I couldn't. I couldn't. Yeah. Yeah, too much. Damn, you, that is some male hoe. That sentence was so convincing and rehearsed. You are a male hoe. That, like, no, I've got my own stuff that I need to work on before I can. It's not true, yo. Hey, no, stop, stop, stop, stop. It's not you. It's not you. I'll fuck with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I figure my stuff out, like, who knows what we could be. That's the problem. And that's the thing. That was my little topic I was on too. You can't be authentic and attractive. This is what's so true to you? Yeah. You can't be authentic and attractive.
50:03You can't be like authentic. It's annoying. Yeah. What do you mean by that? Like I am myself. Yeah. But people always think I'm faking. Yeah. People think I'm like, this is a character. You being like a nice guy. Me being a good person.
50:19They hate that shit. Yeah. Like you don't hate it and the homies don't hate it. No. Yeah. We're buddies. But most people are like, you fucking shut the fuck up. Nigga, oh, you work with kids? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you got things you got to work on? Shut my dick. I can't. If I was a straight guy and I was out in the market competing with you, I would kill you. Oh, yeah. I would be in the comments of every video you posted being like, didn't laugh once. Yes, bro. Fuck this guy. Dude, I'm in war, bro. I'm at war. It's bad out there. That must be really hard. No, it's not. No, come on. It's hard. Caleb, stop.
50:56It's not hard at all. It's just, it is the truth, though. Like, people don't like that shit. And it's fine. Like, I'm going to continue to, I kind of like. You like being the villain. I think I'm learning, too. It was hard at first because I am a nice guy. I've only ever heard people talk positively about you, though. You don't think there's like a genuine, I understand what you're saying. We're halfway being silly, but also it's kind of true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you don't think there's like a genuine opposition to you, do you? Like you don't think people are actually annoyed with you? No, no, no.
51:25I think it's more so like a tongue-in-cheek type thing. Yeah. Yeah, people are like, hmm. Right. Yeah, but it's not. There's a little bit though. Yeah. There's a little bit, but they're like, God, that's annoying. Shut the fuck up. But it's like we can go to the costume party together. Yeah. Yeah, like it's fine. I think a problem with dating right now for everybody too is like, or a problem that I feel anyway, I guess I shouldn't make it everyone's problem, is like the problem of choice. Like, when you're with somebody and things are a little difficult, that you go like, oh, they're getting on my nerves, or this thing of theirs is brushing up against mine, which is going to happen.
52:01Have you ever heard of porcupine theory? No. I don't know if this is the official name of it, but the idea is, and I'll butcher this, whoever came up with this made it much smarter. Someone just Google it and you can hear the actual one. But the gist of it is, it's a theory about human intimacy, and the idea is that porcupines, when it's cold out, they need to get close to share warmth, but because they have spines inherently they're going to hurt each other a little bit the closer they get because they're going to prick each other yeah and that's what it's like to be a human being in like romantic dealings is like we want we we actually need to be close we need to let people in uh but inherently when we do our stuff is going to poke their stuff and there's ours etc yeah the problem i think in dating right now is like every time you're with somebody you again i'm making this a universal problem about dating something i have experienced is that when I'm dating somebody and things aren't ideal, in the back of my head, I'm like, there's 300 other guys that would love to be doing this with me that would be easier going about that dinner plan or that would be, you know what I'm saying?
53:01But I think, I agree with you. I think, but going for the easy is the problem. 100%. Yeah, that's the problem though. Like I had that a lot with my, we're the same. I had that, like, I'm like, and especially when they come into you, Yeah. I ain't got to hear about, I don't want to hear about your own. No, it's legitimately difficult. It's narcissistic, really. 100%. We all are being manufactured narcissists now. It's becoming more and more of that because I swear to God, bro, like the first few years of my relationship, my longest one, I can get out of here if I want. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?
53:43It's just like, but I think, I don't know. I also think people are built different to a little bit, but I've, I've been with so many. I think the more people you be with too, sexually, it's harder for you to connect to somebody, man. 100%. Like I can't, now I'm like, when a girl says they like me, I'm like, hmm. Yeah. Which is bad. I got to go to, I'm in therapy for it. What do you mean by that? Like you're annoyed by it or you're like, no, no, no. I want it, but I'm just like, I've heard it a lot. It's a foregone conclusion almost. Yeah. You're like, yeah, I have experienced that a lot of people are into me.
54:18Yeah, and that sucks. That sounds bad to say out loud. No, but it's reality. Yeah, it's true. It's like there's a script almost now. Yeah. And I'm waiting for somebody that doesn't have that script. Yeah. Once I find somebody that's like, damn, this sounds like that. No, it doesn't. It's very, very honest, and I'm actually very appreciative of it. But I guess I'm wondering for you as your friend, the only way to break the script of I am into you and would like to be with you is for someone to not feel that way. Nah, you getting to it, Kayla? What are we going to do with that? Woo, Kayla, now you talking.
54:50I need a girl that hates me, dog. If we keeping it a buck, if you don't like me, I'm for that. That is so annoying. Annoying. I don't want that for you. I don't want that either, but God damn it. Like when a girl is like, put it like this. No, come on. Okay. I won't say no names But I was dealing with a girl That was like She was bisexual And she was in them She Couldn't give a fuck less about me Yeah I feel like She couldn't care And Nat was like I love you Yeah Like you can go You really like women Yeah I'm just here for a little bit I'm fly I'm like male order dick Yeah And I was like You were into that I We had a good chemistry Yeah Like she We liked each other a lot but there was this distance where she kind of was just like I can do without you there's girls making me come and we having a good time over here sisterhood and I was just like not sisterhood there was a lot of sisterhood not sisterhood you know they be throwing that around not sisterhood womanhood I was just like it just didn't work out in that way but that was recently the most close out we the time we shared i was like wow i could have i could have locked in with that girl yeah and that's dumb well also by the way you're what you're explaining i don't think is a super unique like yeah no i which is to say i don't think you should feel bad about like we all want what we can't have and every not everybody many many people are like i think a very common problem in dating is that a lot of us are attracted to things we shouldn't be yeah like you know being attracted to someone who doesn't like you that's obviously like clinical and bad and and same i love i there's something i love the chase i love a pursuit are you chasing these guys now uh you too you know what are you talking you're gonna say classy no no no no no i said you got you you you you clouded up right now you ain't chasing nobody not clouded up i well that's the thing is I'm a lot of the guys who come to me that are the guys who want me like that that are like in the DMs and a lot of times it's the same thing where I'm like okay.
57:13Yeah. Even if they're hot I'm like whatever but yeah a guy who I feel like I'm like working for it and I'm like really putting in the effort that yeah. What's your game Caleb? Stop. Can you get it? Nah don't tell me. I'll tell you my game. What's your game? I make shit happen. That is I said plans. That was fire, yo. What? Clip it. Clip it. Virginia, clip it. Clip it. Mr. Caleb makes it happen. Please. He's Antonio, please. Let me go. Please. But I mean, like, I think so many people are. I asked someone out yesterday, and he was like, oh, I never get asked out. And he's gorgeous. And I'm like, yeah, because people are intimidated by how, like, gorgeous.
58:01and he's very successful at what he does. And yeah, I'm like, I just was like, hey, I want to take you to dinner next Thursday. This is the time and the place. Let me know if you're interested. Let's go. That's like, but that's how I have to be. You know what I mean? I don't get the luxury of being one of these like Brooklyn twinks that just gets to coast by on a jawline. I have to be, I have to have plans. Shit has to be set in stone. There needs to be plans. You can't just come up and raise the shirt up. No, the shirt, pull it up, the shirt. It's going to do it for some people. Yeah. But it's going to need to also have a reservation on the other end.
58:34Man, dog. I can't wait to be Mr. Make It Happen. Mr. Make It Happen is crazy. Mr. Make It Happen is so funny. That's so fire. You know what? Clip it. Yeah. Racial visitation and Mr. Make It Happen. Racial visitation. We got to get these five. Clip it. Antonio, I have a segment for you. Oh, let's get it. A game. Did you know we play a game? I did not know we play a game. We play a game on this show. True, false segment. I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can after each one if what I just said is true or false. You get 10 or more correct, we're going to give you 50 US dollars.
59:08Oh my goodness, come on. Okay, you ready? A is the most commonly used letter in the English language. True. False, E. Fuck. Fish can't blink. False. True. Titanic was released in 1999. False. False, it was 1997. 50 Cent and Charlie Chaplin were alive at the same time. True. True. The Chicago Stags were the original NBA team in Chicago. true it's true venus is the hottest planet in our solar system true that is true whoa monaco is the smallest country on earth true false it's the vatican city red belt is the highest rank in brazilian jiu-jitsu false true training day was nominated
59:53i don't know if it's the brazilian uh training day was nominated for best picture at the oscars true false should have been Madonna's real first name is Caroline I feel like it's true it's Madonna University of Chicago's mascot is Phil the Phoenix false true your radius bone is in your leg
1:00:17false it's true false it's in your forearm Canada has the longest coastline in the world uh false true fuck i'm about to kill myself i know exactly what has happened to you okay i'll tell you later the cta stands for chicago transport authority no false false chicago transit authority mr mr satan has never been killed in the entire dragon ball series uh true that is true yeah how do you do chance six six or six is a six is kind of a recurring number i know what happened to you i've played this game what over a hundred something times now oh if you count two or like 150 i what happens is with a true false thing people will get in a rhythm yes of thinking like oh the last one was such and such so the next one must be such and the rhythm is just off yes and i saw it happening for you and i wanted to help you so bad i stopped i stopped actually considering the question i'm just saying i'm just like you got in your head dragon ball question was good brazilian jujitsu i'm ashamed that don't be ashamed don't Don't be ashamed.
1:01:23Chance does this to hurt people. Oh, you did this? Oh, yeah. He's a total masochist. He's a hurtful guy. That's fire. Okay. Yeah. What happened? Yeah, I'm fucked. You got six. Damn. You got six, which is beautiful. But, yeah, you're not getting that money. Madonna.
1:01:41My Madonna should. I did not know that was her fucking first. That's fun. That was fun, though. We talked about. Okay. We talked about. We talked about mom and dad. We talked about. By the way, you need to tell your mom, I saw the photo of you and your parents at Fallon. She looked good. Yes. She looked so good. I've been in many a fight. She had that dress on. She had that dress on. She had that dress on in a crazy way. Please tell her I said that. I will. I almost commented and then I was like, hey, that's not. We're going to see Antonio soon, first of all. No. We talked about your parents. We talked about jujitsu.
1:02:13Yeah. We did. We talked about your show true. We did true, false. Chance, how long have we been going? We are at 58 minutes. Oh, great. What else is going on with you? What do you think about 2026? What's it all about? 2026 is going to be a good year, man. Yeah? Yeah, I think it's – we kind of spoke about it a little bit, but I want to make stuff this year. I think I want to get artsy-farty with it, man. Yeah, like we'll take little acting roles here and there and do stand-up all the time, but I really want to make things and make people feel some shit this year, man. Get back to feeling some shit this year, dog.
1:02:46Yeah? Yeah, Mr. Make It Happen. Mr. Make It Happen is crazy. Yes. Do you think you were feeling things last year? Last year I was very much on autopilot. Why? I just, it was my second year in New York, and I think I was like, okay, we got to get out of survival mode. Yeah. So I turned the brain off, and I went, and I just worked, worked, worked, worked. Yeah. Now I'm back, and I'm like, we can be creative again. That makes sense. I feel like it's a lot of times when people move cities, like when people move from New York to L.A. or vice versa, that first like year and change is like i'm just like i am setting up my life yes i'm trying to figure out where i get coffee i'm trying to figure out what train i take to what like you're just trying to figure out like how i live in a place and then you feel like you're kind of let out of the chutes that you're like i'm off to the races now i know my basics are handled and now i'm i can actually be creative or date or whatever the fuck yeah people don't talk about that a little it it's like that's what it is i think i came out of that fog and i'm like okay now we have friends yeah all the all my homies here we got community again now it's time to like you make that happen you know you said you wanted to act more what is your like what is your dream role like what is the thing that you're like man if i can and i don't even necessarily mean like working with a certain director or anything i mean like if there's a a thing you could portray on screen what would be i really want to get into my brooding bag yeah i want to be a brooding guy in a movie yeah yeah i can i had that in my bag man i can do that i feel that i'm a sneaky thespian bro no i can see it yeah i can see it for you thank you man i can see it for you what what kind of brooding like do you want to do like is there a role that this is a good way to put it is there a role that someone else has already played that you're like that would have been i'm not gonna lie man i really look at Lakeith a lot.
1:04:38Yeah, of course. Yeah, I think he embodies a kind of a style of acting that I really like. Just absurd, but still, like, he can pull you in emotionally still. But he's not doing too much. It's very much bringing you into his world. I like him a lot. And I like Nigga in Trouble, but Jonathan Majors was pretty good in his heyday. Oh, he was in trouble. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I briefly was like, is he in trouble? And then I was like, oh, in a big way. He got in a lot of trouble. But, you know, before he got with the white women, he was good. Cautionary tale. Cautionary tale. And time memorial, as old as time memoriam.
1:05:20Yeah. Yeah. I know you were, you were an actor too. I'm acting. You get down. You get down. I would like more. Yeah. I mean, I'm in the same position as you kind of. I'm definitely focused right now on like artistic pursuit. I actually was like reflecting the other day and was like, I don't really want to be, I find myself frustrated anytime I'm in conversations about building my career. I'm over there. I don't want to build my career. I'm a creative person living a creative lifestyle and that will let in all kinds of different things. But when you start talking about a career, there's these like tracks and things you're supposed to do where I'm like, okay, if I talk about my career as a standup, then inherently, as soon as I finished the, I put out a special last year.
1:05:59The second that's over, people start asking, where's the next one? and there might not be an x1 oh god i don't care and your shit was amazing bro and that should be enough for real like that should be enough for a while yeah eat this digest this bro like you put in some real pain to make that and let me live let you go fuck i seen you was in europe like do your thing bro like i don't understand why like we dropping albums like we ai bro you put some pain in let you ride that out i feel like yeah well i also just want to leave room for other things to come in and out like i want to i want to do other creative things i don't want to i don't cease to be a stand-up just because if i want to spend a year or two years or three years writing a fucking book and not doing any stand-up that when you talk about a career path then those things become like oh you wasted three years because you're not on the career path yeah when you talk about living a creative life as a creative person everything has value and i think if you don't show you know this industry who you are in your own creative pursuits they'll make a character for you yeah i don't want that to happen because i have a blank face that they would try to slap a style of being on and i'm not trying to do that so this year i'm going to show people like who i really am in the creative space and then hopefully i can just they give me money to do that yeah that's what i want i see it it's on the horizon i see it it's on the horizon i see it A high five, why not?
1:07:26Yeah. A high five, why not? You ain't did that in a while. I haven't done a high five in a minute. When's the last time I did a high five? Years, probably. Chance, you keep track of my high fives. Where was the last one? Get the chart out. Antonio, please tell people where they can find you, how they can support you. Oh, man. Instagram, Antonio Kareem. YouTube, Antonio Kareem. And I'm in these streets doing stand-up. Oh, Comedy Store, January 31st, if this comes out. Okay, if it's out before then. Cool. And otherwise, they'll see you. Go follow Antonio. Check out his shows. See him wherever. Thanks for doing it, dude.
1:07:59This was great. No doubt, bro. Appreciate it. Thank you, bro. Appreciate it.
From the publisher
Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious Ontonio Kareem! Ontonio and Caleb talk the similarities between their dads, Racial Visitation, Golden Corral, nepo babies, therapy, and much more!
Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/
Follow Ontonio! @ontoniokareem
Follow the show! @sooootruepod
Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings
Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud
Head to https://www.squarespace.com/SOTRUE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code SOTRUE
Get 80% off everything when you sign up as a VIP! Just head to Fabletics.com/sotrue, take a quick style quiz, and be sure to select sotrue when prompted to unlock your 80% off.
Try Trü Frü! Blue bags with fruit found in the freezer aisle!
So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Virginia Muller. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York.
A Wave series. wavesportsandentertainment.com
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices