Sureni Weerasekera is Dancing

15:03Caleb Hearon:It's weird to revisit men as later in life. Because I've been such a lesbian for so many years. I've always been pan and bi or whatever. But it's weird because I'm at a different place in my gender. I feel really confident in my masculinity and femininity. I feel confident in my gender fluidity. Like, I feel really at a much different place. And one thing I will say about men, they are really not healed. Oh, yeah. They are. It's bad. The emotional depth is just not there compared to, like, I sometimes feel like maybe I'll never fall in love with a man. Like, I don't think I could ever do that again.

15:36Yeah.

15:36Caleb Hearon:You know, like I did in the past, but I don't know. Yeah, why is that? Men are what? They're not deep enough? They're just not as deep. But not you, Caleb. Yeah, no, I'm different. I don't take it personally when people talk about men. No, I know. It's just like, I don't know. I feel a little bit like I start to notice because you hear straight girls talk about it all the time where it's like I'm always doing therapy for this man and it's like I get it now because I've been so out the game and coming back I'm like whoa but then that's why it's like low stakes too I hate everything we're talking about right now I'm loving it I'm loving it I'm really locked in I don't know it's just also someone was telling me that a lesbian relapsing on dick is like a recession indicator that's something I've been thinking about look I've been for the past two years I've had multiple gay men start experimenting with pussy lesbians start experimenting with dick really what is going on when one of your staunchest lesbians a year and a half ago maybe two years ago one of my staunchest lesbians I will name them off camera told me that she was fucking a guy and it was not even like a cool guy I know!

16:34Caleb Hearon:I know! That's so crazy Fucking a guy not even like a successful beautiful brilliant like a fucking guy with his mattress on the floor like broke guy dick Right But lucky broke guy dick is the best dick Of course it hits because you have nothing else going right we know you expect a lesbian to be above that no i know but this is this is my theory is like okay the lesbian community is so small to begin with right and the idea of hooking up within the lesbian community sometimes can be so overwhelming the idea of like hooking up with a dude from like let's say even the straight community it's really like i'm never gonna see you again it does not matter it's so low stakes like i actually don't give a fuck about you like it's just like you can keep it really sexual and get your needs met and not have it be that deep because it's not that deep.

17:16Yeah.

17:16Caleb Hearon:You know? Gay guys are doing that and then also hanging out. That's what I'm saying. It's crazy. I mean, that's so sad. I feel bad for gay men all the time. Is that right? Why? Why do you feel bad for us? I thought, I think we're having fun. I mean, like, the loneliness epidemic among gay men. Well, it's a loneliness epidemic among men. Yes. Is one thing. But then I think when, I don't know. I feel like I just see, like, a lot of, tell me if I'm wrong, but I feel like gay men are not getting, like, married as much. They're not, like, having like because it's just when masculinity meets like that it's like shit's not happening you know what i mean like yeah like both of you guys have a tough time being vulnerable you know versus obviously lesbians have the opposite issue which is like we get vulnerable so fast we're crying on the first date like we but then i don't know there's also a high divorce rate among lesbians but people like to be like oh lesbians it's like the divorce rate is because we don't settle for less we're not trying to settle for shit that we're not happy about chances

18:14Also, I love your conception of two gay men being like, it's too much masculinity. It's like, how many gay men have you hung out with? Let me tell you, too much masculinity is not the problem that's being run into.

18:25Caleb Hearon:Then what do you think the problem is with gay men? I mean, it's men. It's being socialized as a man. That's what I'm saying. It's that part of it. It's so much. And also, it's a problem that our broader culture has. I don't think women are... I think that women are suffering the same thing that gay men are suffering in a different way across sexuality spectrums. I think we're all suffering under the same thing, which is like this like intense crippling of choice. There's this knowledge that there is always someone else not far away. There are thousands of people in your phone and you just treat them like this.

18:56Yeah, I agree. And that's really fucking intense. Like you used to like meet one person who was good enough in your town. Yeah. And you'd be like, I fucking kind of like hanging out with that guy. Let's just lock it in.

19:08Caleb Hearon:And I guess we'll like figure out whatever comes up. And you'd be married for 60 years. Yes. And then you'd die within like a week of each other. That is so real. And now you can be in a happy, loving relationship with someone who's really great and has maybe like one or two minor flaws. And somewhere, not for everybody, but I think for a lot of us, somewhere in the back of your head, you're like, there's 20 guys that would fuck me tonight. You know? Yeah. It's just right in my phone. Just waiting. Honestly, begging. Yeah. For all of us. I'm not saying for me. Wait to brag. Not for me, but look, I have it however I have it.

19:35But for all of us.

19:36Caleb Hearon:Men are triple texting you. Don't worry about that. I'm actually, I have started triple texting this one guy. Ooh, down bad. Really? And I'm like, what am I doing? I'd like to see you vulnerable right now. Thank you. I've been vulnerable recently. You know what? You would be proud of me. I'm not going to go into too much details on here, but I have been pretty vulnerable in my dating life recently. How does that manifest? I'm saying my feelings out loud. Wow. I'm, and my real feelings as well. Oh. That's the one you wrote in the bathroom at the date? I'm telling guys my real feelings. Wow. I'm not playing it cool.

20:10I'm not playing games. I've been off games in a big way. Why? Used to love games. What's the shift?

20:15Caleb Hearon:What's happened? Well, I went through a breakup with, honestly, very similar to your breakup. I went through a breakup last year with somebody that I love deeply. Still, he's a very good friend of mine. I love him so much. I think he's a wonderful person. He did nothing wrong. I don't think I did anything wrong. We could check in with him. I do want to have him on the podcast someday. Oh, that'll be a fun episode. We both think it'll be really funny. but yeah I love him so much and I think he's wonderful and we are very good friends I saw him like last week but I think going through that experience really like opened me up to being like okay I think I want to be more open in my situations do you know what I mean?

20:51Caleb Hearon:yeah like doing that with him felt like I'd been pretty guarded before that relationship and then I was like actually I think I want to like really try to be more open and vulnerable the way that we were Apple Pay is the simple, secure, and fast way to pay. That's because your credit or debit card is right on your iPhone. Accepted at millions of places, from big box stores to boutiques, you can check out with your iPhone anywhere contactless payments are accepted. Apple Pay is more secure than a physical card because you authenticate your purchases with Face ID before you pay, and your actual card number is never shared with merchants.

21:25Caleb Hearon:Add your debit or credit card to Apple Wallet to check out in seconds. Simple. Secure. Fast. that's Apple Pay terms apply I mean I think that's such a testament to like you have to heal through relationships you think so yeah I think you can't like I think a lot of this concept like you can be told how to drive a car conceptually but you have to drive a car to know actually how to drive a car right and I think like you did that through this relationship which is that you were able to have a safe enough space to be able to open up and feel comfortable enough to bring that to the next relationship like that's so beautiful yeah and then there's this other thing where I'm like so sometimes when I date somebody and it ends amicably or I've seen someone or we've hooked up for a little bit and we both, and we're just, it doesn't work out.

22:03Then when they start fucking other people, no matter what, I'm like, what is that? Do you know what I mean? Like there was a guy two years ago that, two, maybe I guess maybe three years ago now, that I really liked. We had a good time. And then I was like, oh, I don't think I'm, I don't think this is more than what it was.

22:18Caleb Hearon:Yeah. I think the hooking up for a couple months is what this was going to be. Yeah. And so we like stopped hooking up and then he started hooking up with other people and I was like, you can't do that.

22:30it was me and that's it

22:31Caleb Hearon:I'm also hooking up with other people yeah what I get I know exactly what the fuck you're talking about do you know what and it's not my actual feelings or values but I have that like yeah like I'll find out that somebody I used to fuck with is fucking with somebody new and I'll be like totally what are they doing cause it's like in my heart of hearts it's like I don't want you to hook up I don't want you to think about anyone else ever for the rest of your life for sure that makes no sense logically but like in my dream world Well, that's what would be the case. I don't want anyone to think about anyone but me in my personal life at all.

23:00Caleb Hearon:Yeah. Like, even my friends. Yeah. When you're not hanging out with me, I want you to be like, God, I wish Caleb was here. And I'm not. I know. Just kidding. And that's okay. That's actually normal. I had to humble you a little bit. I had to be like, let me - It didn't humble me. Yeah, it didn't at all. No, it didn't touch - Yeah, you didn't move at all. It can't touch - You would need a rocket launcher. That was crazy. Whoa, goddamn. To touch my thing. Palantir, let's work on this. Palantir? We have a project. Hello, Sam Altman. Do some more evil stuff. We need you. That's so funny. I like that concept you were talking about, though, of like, we're in this, like, culture of choice that is, like, overwhelming.

23:31Caleb Hearon:And sometimes I feel like, why can't I be happy with such a good thing that's just right in front of me? Like, why am I always, like, have a wandering eye? Like, what if there's something better out there? Like, that what-if feeling is so uncomfortable. And, like, I don't know how to sit in that and just be okay with, like, because it's, like, how many concessions are you supposed to make that's healthy, right? Because there's always compromise. yeah and like i never know i'm like am i settling or am i is a healthy amount of compromise when do you know i don't know like you and i both know we're both single i don't know like we don't know don't you think i guess i think when i'm having that feeling because i know what you mean when you're in a good thing and you're like i don't know if i'm supposed to be working this much at this or if i'm supposed to be making this many sacrifices or what's normal but don't you feel like i don't know i'm just like when i meet the right person it won't feel but then what if that feeling never happens hello i'm so okay i'm really scared say that again i'm so scared like that's the thing i'm so scared of is like i will i'll never be content in that way i think i've thought a lot about um i made this theory up called the sudoku theory which is like the if a sudoku puzzle is easy it's boring if it's too hard you feel dumb you want that middle level of it's difficult but fun yeah and it's like i i think in theory there's actually everyone has many soulmates they're like you could fall in love with many many people you can live a happy life with many people but then like yeah it's like do you want high highs and low lows or do you want like contentness and like are you actually okay with that level of steady joy i don't know like i feel like us as comics we like chase extremes like i also have like i think i have like adhd stuff where i'm always like chasing dopamine or like a next hit or something like yeah yeah i don't know i also think heartbreak is worse when you get a little bit older because in a way because like when i when i was heartbroken when i was like 20 I had this like misconception that I was like I'm never going to meet someone I feel this way about again.

25:17And that was part of the heartbreak. I was like I'll never meet someone this special ever again. Right. And that was a uniquely painful type of heartbreak. But then you get a little bit older and it's a different kind of heartbreak where it's like now when I have my heart broken, it's almost sadder because I'm like I actually will meet more special people and I don't want to.

25:34Caleb Hearon:You know what I'm saying? Like there's something sadder about being like I will get over this. I know that I will get over this. Yes, because you've lived it. I've gotten over things before. I will definitely get over this. and I don't want to. I just want what I want. Yeah. And that's almost sadder in a way. Yeah. Or like harder to deal with. Yeah. I was talking to Carly on the phone about this last night and she was like, can I send you some sad songs? And I was like, no. Like, let's just have the conversation we're having. Don't send me sad songs about it.

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29:15So it kind of blows my mind, okay, that lawmakers are trying to permanently shut them down. Yeah, it does. they already passed a law that blocks patients that use medicaid from getting the affordable preventative care they need and now they want to make that law permanent nobody benefits when people are getting fewer exams paying more for care or just skipping the health care they need and we know that's happening planned parenthood health centers have reported that fewer patients are getting basic care like breast exams and sti tests since the trump administration and their backers defunded planned parenthood patients shouldn't suffer because of their laws our communities deserve better to get involved text update to 22422 obviously a bit of a vibe shift but that's a beautiful one.

29:52Let's text. Everybody text.

29:58Caleb Hearon:You are beautiful. And everything you are. See, if this was a dance party, you would have been having so much fun. Dude, if there was a beat under that, that's the kind of shit I'm talking about. That's what I want. I'm getting it now. And it's not karaoke. People who understand me will understand me. No, I get what you're getting at. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, I want someone to play like, I want someone to play like fucking Earth, Wind, and Fire. I want to, that's what I, And I want to be just a little stoned. Yeah, I got way too stoned yesterday, actually. Oh, my God, really? I got way too stoned that I was being weird at the taco spot.

30:29No. It was a joint that I smoked. I smoked a joint two nights ago. Chance was over at my house. I smoked some of this joint. I felt a little high. I maybe took like four hits. A little high felt nice.

30:40Caleb Hearon:Yeah. Yesterday, it took two hits. Maybe it's because I hadn't eaten. I don't know. But I got fucked up off this. And then, yeah, I was weird at the taco spot. How do you think you were being weird? I was just being weird. I kept like, I kept pronouncing the words on the menu pretty. Were you like white guy trying too hard at El Pastor? I was, it was more complicated than El Pastor, but yeah. Enchilada. I was like, enchilada. I was doing too much. Por favor, enchilada. And low key, they liked it, but. I bet they loved it. They did. Your eyes were red as fuck trying to pronounce enchilada. They knew what was up, yeah.

31:19They knew what was up. Because at one point after I had interacted with the two of their two servers that had come over at different times, I had interacted with both of them so stoned. Yeah. And then I looked over and they were like giggling. And I was like, yeah, they know what's up.

31:31Caleb Hearon:Hey, you always get the laugh, huh? Get the laugh you need. Oh, it was so fucking good. I had an octopus taco. Ooh. Yeah, we should go sometime. Delicious. Where at? You eat octopus? I eat everything. Yeah? Yeah. Nice. Yeah, apparently these days. Oh. Gobble, gobble.

31:49Caleb Hearon:Give me that dick.

31:56Oh, I hate seeing you like that.

32:00Caleb Hearon:I hate knowing that you suck dick, too. I know. Isn't it sick? It's so sad. It's sick to think about. It's so sad. It's really sick to think about. It's really, it's rough. You got a thing in there? I got a she, the he. You're mostly there these days. I feel like I really, I feel very fluid. I know that. I feel really like I'll fluctuate. I know that about you. But yeah, you know, I got a little, I got a little, I like my, I love my gender right now it's very futch yeah yeah what is your gender right now i mean feminine butch you know but what is what has changed about your gender that you're feeling so in love with i think i just feel like divinely harnessing femininity masculinity in ways i used to like feel a lot of shame around my masculinity because i was a tomboy as a kid and then you know i just felt ugly and unfuckable and all these things and then uh i finally accepted that and the ones i accepted my masculinity then it allowed me to start wearing like skirts and wearing pink and wearing makeup and like now i feel like i wear like a baggy fit like this and put on like a little beat and like feel really good and powerful like i feel really like hot yeah in a way that like i did not grow up feeling hot i grew up in like a white uh like around white people and mexicans and like i was dark skin and like i was not desirable and i just feel really like i feel like it's weird i feel like in a in in a very broad stroke sense, like women want me and men want me in a way that like, this is crazy to me.

33:18Caleb Hearon:Like, I still feel like that ugly kid all the time who was like overweight and like unlovable or whatever. But like, it's so like, I don't know. And I'm working always on like internal validation, you know? Yeah. And like, do I feel good in what I wear? And do I feel confident how I look outside of, but it's just weird to feel like, it's also like when you're, when you're like a, and I'm sure like like as a as a masculine woman i was undesirable to men but then when i would be in queer circles when i like moved to new york and stuff i was like whoa people like there's a mass shortage like people want this and like that's weird and like even with femininity with men too i'm sure like there's certain circles where it's like that was rejected and now you're like embraced or whatever you know it's like it's weird you know what the context you are in is where you could be more desirable i don't know and it feels really good yeah how's the um wait what you were saying something about feeling desirable.

34:07Oh, internal validation. How's that journey going?

34:10Caleb Hearon:It's tough. Yeah? Yeah. I think like, you know, me and my therapist, we're working on, we're cooking, you know? Yeah. I think a lot of it is, I think anytime I show up for myself when no one, like who you are when no one's around is who you are. Like that's actually how much you love yourself in my opinion. Like are you like treating yourself sweet when no one's around? Like are you like, you know, eating good food that's nourishing? Are you, like, taking care of your body? Like, are you, you know, taking alone time? Are you just alone scrolling on, you know, like, I think a lot about who I am when no one's around.

34:44Caleb Hearon:And, like, that to me is, like, actual self-love. And then anytime I, like, show up for myself or, like, get up at 7 a.m., do the cool shit or whatever, it's like, oh, I did that for me. And, like, that feels really good. Yeah. And I'm, like, I try really hard not to be in competition. I mean, we're in entertainment. It's so hard not to compare yourself, obviously. But, like, I'm kind of, like, am I better than I was yesterday? like am i proud of something that i'm putting out like i try really hard to like just be in my own world in that sense you know yeah but it's a it's a skill it's a good thing that you can train and i've gotten better at it and you know but it's hard like you know how do you feel about that about internal validation yeah i'm pretty good at it i think good yeah why do you think that is um i don't know i really don't know i just have a i feel pretty i just feel pretty good about myself most of the time.

35:31Caleb Hearon:Were you always like that? Like, do you feel like it's, cause I think I, I kind of blame my parents a little bit on how they raised me. Like, do you feel like your parents were setting you up to win in that way? My mom? Yeah, for sure. My mom definitely always complimented me and complimented me on things that, yeah, my mom always, my mom did a very good job at parenting in that way. Like I definitely got a lot of confidence from her love, but also I think really the biggest challenge for me was like, I relate a lot in obviously a different way to what you're talking about like growing up and feeling like very undesirable and like very different just growing up fat is such a nightmare and being fat in general is such a nightmare i still have to fend off so many like disparate ideas about like i see i i when i would read about myself online i would see so many things about like especially when this podcast started and i would talk about my sex life i would see so many things about people being like how long are we going to let this guy pretend that he gets laid?

36:25Caleb Hearon:Whoa! And it actually used to make me mad, but then it started to make me sad because I'm like, oh, you just actually don't think that fat people have any value. That's so crazy. And it's crazy because I'm like, I don't know that person, but I would bet dollar to dollar that if you put me in a room with them, I would, every single thing about me would outshine them. Absolutely. And I'm like, yeah, but you just don't, because I'm a fat person, you can't see why someone would be attracted to me and yet you're the type of person who behaves like that online. Precisely. Like, I guarantee I would fucking dog walk you.

36:56Absolutely. In every social interaction. Yeah. And that's fine. But it just makes me, I'm like, oh, that's such an interesting and, like, limited view of the world. But it's also one that I internalized for so long. And so I think in, like, my early mid-20s, like, getting over that and being like, oh, yeah, there's people that feel that way, but there's a bunch of people that don't. Yeah. And actually I'm holding myself back by, like, internalizing so much of it. doing that work really set me on a path to just being like oh it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks about me or what i'm doing right i know the truth yes i know about me precisely do you know what i mean yeah it's like there will always be plenty of people that think i'm whatever they're especially as you if your profile grows and you become bigger at your job like there are always people that think i'm unattractive that think i'm unfunny that think i'm annoying that decide i'm mean that think i'm whatever whatever whatever and it doesn't fucking matter yeah what other people

37:47Caleb Hearon:thinking of you is none of your business it just doesn't matter i tell that to myself all the time you know as long as like the people who i love like as long as they fuck with me that's it i don't care yeah i really don't care yeah that's like freeing it's really liberating it's great to let go like that yeah and it's like the people that yeah the people that i care about there are plenty of people in my life who could tell me something about me and i would receive it yeah if they're like oh you've been x y or z lately i would hear uh feedback from people that i love yeah but really if you're not in my inner circle i don't give a fuck what you think about me it doesn't matter I've been like kind of too high at the taco shop recently.

38:18I got too high at the taco shop. The taco shop staff giving me feedback. Hey, when you come in here too stoned, like it's not a cute look.

38:25Caleb Hearon:You're being weird. You're being weird. You're putting too much emphasis on enchilada. There's not that many A's in enchilada. And they're like, hey man. No, they love me over there. They love you. They're the only people that matter to me. That's it. That's your interest in call. My friends, family, and people at the taco shop. That's it. Those are the only people they can get to me. And that's love is love. yeah love is love and love wins love wins always which I've always said which I used to say but now I'm straight you are back on straight I'm so scared for what your straight era might do to the community because you're a powerful member of the queer community you think I'm a powerful we need you don't leave us that scissor sister over there she's a powerful member of the lesbian community you are you're a power broker I don't want to be that

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42:58That's what it takes to be a business mogul.

43:00Caleb Hearon:Yeah, you got to. If you want to make a profit... Well, someone's got to suffer. Someone's got to squeeze. It's them. It's them. Capitalism is so beautiful. I've always said that. I don't feel bad about it for a second. You and Bezos. I used to be like them. Used to tolerate, but now... I used to be a worker. Now, what is this? Black power first? Now I exploit. This is worker power. Worker power. This is hard to tell you. Black power's on this one. Oh, okay, got it. Yeah. No, no, they're fine. They're fine. They're safe. Yeah. They're treated well. They're fine. They're fine. They're safe. Why are all the doors locked?

43:32Caleb Hearon:Why are they crying? So they can't get out. They're crying because they're weak. Oh. No, everyone here is good. Well, everyone, will you guys just say really quick that you're good? I'm great. I'm great. Michelle, just loudly. They all did SOS with their eyes when they blinked. They all did SOS. I saw that. Oh, no. Being a business mogul is hard. You know. I run a business. You have an empire? My little empire, yeah. Your little empire? My cute little empire. Ugh, I wish I had been in Kansas City when you went. Oh my God, yeah. I still get sad about that. You played a college there, right? Yeah, I did a college.

44:06Caleb Hearon:I met Tara. She's the best. Tara's so fucking cool. Isn't she the coolest? I met her and I was like, this girl dresses so well. Let's just start there. First view, right? Yeah. Beautiful. Incredible politics. She's brilliant. So brilliant. You know, she's been on the pod. Oh my God, yes. And I loved that. I've actually shared that clip around the one where you guys talked about how they, what was it? They gathered, they united people on housing issues, not because there were like people who voted for Trump in the building, people who voted for, you know, whatever. And they united on one issue and they were able to not, I think it was like not raise the rent in the building or something like that.

44:43It was the trailer park being displaced to build a jail. Oh, Jesus Christ. Which is fucking hilarious. It's like on the nose, like evil.

44:49Caleb Hearon:That sounds like a lifetime movie. That's crazy. Truly. and yeah organize that clip was just so beautiful and i think i've even sent that to my brother i was like this is how like we need we are more alike than different we have a similar class is the thing that's the most uniting thing housing issues are uniting like cost of living is uniting like that is so brilliant of a method and i just loved it i loved that you had her on the pod i thought that was really fucking cool she's genius tara has like completely uh she would hate me saying this tara and the tenant union have like completely changed my outlook on politics that's incredible.

45:21And it's because of Tara's organizing. Tara organized me into that. She's totally brilliant.

45:25Caleb Hearon:Yeah. And I was so excited for you guys to meet. I think she's so fucking cool. I'm just a badass brown bitch, you know? I love her. Yeah, well, you guys accused me of racism when I introduced you. That sounds about right. Yeah. And were we wrong? I introduced you. Anyways. I was like, you guys should know each other. Like, two people I love and you're in my city. And then they were like, oh, so because we're brown? Oh, we gotta know each other. And I was like, guys. Wait, she's moving here, right? I think she hit me up. Okay, yeah. She's here. I need to hit her up to hang. Let's hang. She's here.

45:50She was actually supposed to you know what she was supposed to call me last night and she didn't should we be mean to her yeah let's give her a call on the pod this is one of my new favorite things is confronting people on the podcast uh tara tara tara where are you at tara and also her home is

46:06Caleb Hearon:so beautifully decorated as well i took photos of the room i stayed in not to be weird it was a great uh she was a great dinner party too i believe that that's like a woman you know what i mean it's like a grown-ass woman she's a grown-ass woman hello sir hi baby i'm on the podcast with sereney hi dara hi oh my gosh hi guys what the hell is up we were just calling because you never got a hold of me last night and i was wondering what happened oh that's so interesting because i told you exactly i was having dinner and you didn't tell me where you wanted to meet. Oh. Love you girl. I gotta go. Bye.

46:41No.

46:47Caleb Hearon:Wow. So you're avoidant and anxious. Got it. That was crazy. She tried to spin it. She's a professional politician. Wow. She's a professional politician. She's a fucking spin doctor. You walking back all the things you loved about her. She's a fucking hack. Was crazy. She's a hack and a spin doctor and a charlatan. Wow. And a vixen. And a vixen. No good dirty brown girl. Say it. Don't listen to it. That's a stone too far. I won't do that bit. That's so funny. I have values. That's so cute though. Yeah, she can't be believed. She can't be believed. Totally. Serenity, what's so true to you? Let me turn this.

47:19Caleb Hearon:I'm hearing noises. You got noises over there? My calendar, sorry. What's going on in your calendar? I have it on airplane mode, but I just keep getting calendar notifications. Serenity, what's so true to you? I think that kids of sheltered families make the best actors. whoa because you have to lie to do anything yeah like yeah i was lying all the time is this is this i feel like you were probably you were running rampant i could tell no no i was a little sheltered yeah a little bit a little bit but like you have to lie to like like for example like i would leave the home and i'd be wearing my like nice conservative clothing and then i would like say bye to my mom and then i would go to school and i'd change into my hoochie shorts no do you know what i mean like is that like a related is this a canon event do you know what i'm talking about oh yeah where it's like you have to do or i made up a whole debate club that didn't even exist in my high school so that I could smoke weed in the Home Depot parking lot.

48:10Caleb Hearon:Sorry, mom, if you're seeing this. Oh, she's watching. She's watching for sure. That girl was talking to me. She's a K-lesbian. What'd she say? She's a K-lesbian. A K-lesbian? She's a K-lebrity. K-lesbian. These are my fan names. K-lesbian. Yeah, they're locked in over there. That's really cute. And the K-Latinas. Shout out, you guys. Shout out. What's up, foos? Okay. Seraini. Seraini. We're leaving that in. Check that out. Check that out. Check that out. I gear up and say, and go, viva la raza. Okay.

48:40Caleb Hearon:What else? Like, just, yeah, or like, when I would be, like, hanging out with boys or something, and I would sometimes be like, I would tell my mom, like, they're like, which in our language means like, that kind of person, which means they're gay.

48:58Caleb Hearon:Or like, you know, just, I just be lying left and right. Like, you have to do that to like, experience freedom. and my parents were so afraid of everything they like kept me like really locked in and like i grew really sheltered when i went to college i low-key had like agoraphobia like i just was so you know but i just lied so much i think that like i feel like any kid of like a sheltered household like i'm speaking of brown girls obviously but just anyone who comes from a sheltered home like you are just gonna be better at lying like the kid who the kid whose parents were like if you're gonna drink you're gonna drink in my basement they're fucking working hr you know what i mean they're ice agents they're doing whatever the fuck you know what i mean They're not.

49:33Caleb Hearon:They're ice agents. I don't know. They're not good people. They're fucking ice agents. You know what I mean? They're not. Is this take feeling anything for you? Oh, this take is huge for me. So tell me about it. Did you have to lie a lot as a kid? No, I grew up sheltered. As a kid, I didn't know a lot because I just grew up in a very quiet, homogenous town. And so I was sheltered, but not conservative. In high school and stuff, my mom was like, you can drink, but don't get behind the wheel. Call me if you need a ride. My mom wasn't. I didn't have to lie to her to do anything I wanted to do, so that's a difference.

50:02Caleb Hearon:See, that's white culture, baby. That is white culture. I'm so jealous of white culture like that. Really? Yeah. It was pretty cool. The parents were like, yeah, if you want to do something, like do it. That's actually harm reduction. It's actually safer. My mom was not a do it at the house person though, I will say. She was like, do not drink in my house. Do not have drugs in my house. She's a nurse. But I'm here if you need it. But she was like, you go drink where you drink and you call me if you need a ride. And there were times where nobody was sober to drive and I did call my mom. That's so cool.

50:25Because I was like, I'm not getting in a fucking drunk driver's car.

50:27Caleb Hearon:That's so cool. Yeah, it was sick. My mom and I had an understanding. When I asked her about weed, I was like, did you ever smoke weed? She was like, yeah, it made me hungry and tired. Do it if you want, but I didn't think it was interesting. And I didn't smoke weed until I was 27. See, that's the point. Because it wasn't interesting. That is how it should be. I think it, yeah, I definitely, here's the deal, though. It doesn't work the same for every kid. She raised my brother that way, and he turned into a fucking criminal nightmare menace. Oh. And I. I want to hear more. Turned out really well.

50:55Oh, everything.

50:56Caleb Hearon:Well, that's up to debate. Broke everyone. I turned out great. Well, she would think I turned out gray. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, relatively speaking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Relatively speaking. Lives in a house that she doesn't pay for. Oh, hot diggity. Okay, cool. Got it. Yeah. Yeah. But the thing is, I think that's the thing is like as a parent, you kind of just pick a method and hope it works. Yeah. And you don't know. That's true. It's like hindsight's 20-20. I was really like, I see this a lot with like Asian kids. They just like go buck wild when they go to college. Like they go ape shit. Because that is like the first ounce of freedom that they have.

51:23Caleb Hearon:Yeah. And like me too. I was crazy, you know? because I just wanted to like do what the American kids were doing, you know? Yeah. Where'd you go to college? I went to UC Berkeley, but I did not like it. I dropped out. I found comedy when I was in college and that's when I started kind of exploring that. Yeah. And like, I was also having kind of a tough time with my family and like doing with my mental health and stuff. And it was just like a tumultuous time. And then I actually never went back to school. Yeah. Yeah. Who needs it? I mean, not us. We're doing a podcast. I'm saying I have a degree for nothing.

51:54Caleb Hearon:What's your, where'd you go? I went to Missouri State. Hell yeah. I got a degree in sociopolitical communication. Ooh. Don't use it. Hell yeah. We're communicating right now. We're communicating. We're talking about sociopolitical things. I use my degree in terms of like things. I learned how to like, I learned skills in college. Sure. I learned how to like meet a deadline and like socialize and like be on time and like network. Like I learned things, but I don't, it's very rare that I like turn back to specific coursework. I agree. And I'm like, oh, this lesson that we learned. Right, right, right.

52:21Caleb Hearon:Yeah. When I found comedy, I started doing acting classes, directing classes, writing classes. Some stuff has helped. I agree. It's mostly stuff outside of the campus that has been beneficial. Or being independent. Or having a safety net to be independent. And friends. Friends was a big part of it for me. Wait, if you weren't doing comedy, what do you think you'd be doing? I have authority problems like you. Oh, you can't tell me to do anything. I have mad authority problems as well. I think I'd be a business owner of some sort for sure I've thought about this I'm like when I quit comedy like maybe I don't know I could see where I run like a I don't know like a maybe I'd run events maybe I don't know I actually low-key want to be like a florist I love gardening I love plants I love gardening I love green shit and maybe I'd do something like that I don't know You'd fuck it up at Stone Fruit Thank you brother Stone Fruit on Bedford They'd love to have you Stone Fruit on Bedford The girls in there It seems so zen They're just They're just Right?

53:32Caleb Hearon:How nice And they charge like 3 ,000 for that bitch They charge You know what I mean? They charge I just feel like that seems to get simpler What would you be doing if you weren't doing this? Oh if I wasn't doing this Oh I'd probably be dead by now Yeah Yeah Well that for sure I would be dead Comedy saved me Yeah for sure Oh I shouldn't be dead for sure Yeah I for sure would have jumped I didn't think I'd get this far, and now I'm kind of like, well, now I'm here. Same. Isn't that a weird feeling? My whole life, I could never picture myself older than, like, 23. Yeah. And then, like, my whole childhood.

53:57And then I got through that, and then now every kind of week, I'm like, huh, we're still doing this.

54:02Caleb Hearon:Yeah. I was that kid who, like, romanticized, like, the 27 Club. Oh.

54:10Caleb Hearon:Like, I'm not supposed to be here. Yeah. Like, I should be gone. I was supposed to be really, like, I was supposed to be on my Amy Winehouse bag. Yeah. You know what I mean? and just get addicted to heroin. I'm supposed to be my Crohn's shit. How many people do you think, I don't think I conceptualized as a kid, no adult told me like, oh yeah, I didn't think I was going to live older than 25 and now I'm alive and I'm just kind of winging it every day. It's like a common experience I've heard a lot of people say. But if an adult would have told me that, I feel like I would have felt so much better.

54:37Yeah. No one told me that. So anyway. Oh wait, you want to play a game? Okay, let's play a game. Okay, let's play a game.

54:48I'm scared. Okay. I'm going to read you 15 statements. Oh my God. Okay. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false. If you get 10 or more correct, we're going to give you 50 US dollars. Wow. Huge.

55:00Caleb Hearon:Cool. What forms? Vizel, Venmo. Someone else handles that, honey. I don't know how that stuff goes. Oh my God. One of the straights. One of the heterosexual people deals with that. Right. Right, right, right. Are you ready? Yeah. A cube has 12 edges. Wait, it's true or false? Sorry. It's true or false. Okay. A cube. Say something. A cube has 12 edges. False. True. Electrons are smaller than protons. Ooh, true. True. The American Civil War ended in 1865.

55:28Caleb Hearon:I feel so dumb. False. True. All mammals give live birth. True. False. Eastlake High School's yearbook is the Titan. True. Wait, wait, wait. The yearbook is the Titan? You mean the logo or like the mascot? Eastlake High School's yearbook is the Titan. Yearbook? Yes. What is... I think they're meant to say false. Because the mascot... It's not uncommon for a yearbook to also be named... Okay, so then true. What's your answer? True. Okay, false.

56:10You fucking... You fucking... Oh, shit. That was a fun one. Okay. The main gas in Mars' atmosphere is carbon dioxide. True. It is true. Coal was formed from compressed dinosaur remains.

56:27Caleb Hearon:False. True. What's your answer? True. False. It's plants. Saved by the bell we're in for four seasons. False. True. Dell computers are no longer in production. What heaters? Dell computers. Are no longer in production? Are no longer in production. False. That is false. UC Berkeley's motto is, for them all. My comedy. No. False. False. It's let there be light. I did not know that. Mary Shelley wrote Animal Farm. False. False. It's George Orwell. George Orwell. Yeah, yeah. The CN Tower is in Toronto. Toronto. Sorry, guys. CN Tower. The CN Tower is in Toronto. True. True. Ostriches are the fastest land animal.

57:17False. False. It's cheetahs. One is not a prime number.

57:23Caleb Hearon:Wait, prime is where you can divide, right? No, or is where you can't divide. Fuck. I was not a STEM person. Wait, one is not a prime number. One is not a prime number.

57:40False. It's true. Fuck. Red Tomato Pizza House is closed on Sundays.

57:47Caleb Hearon:Who researched this?

57:52Caleb Hearon:Red Tomato House is not open on Sundays.

58:00True. That is true. How'd she do? Eight. Wow.

58:04Caleb Hearon:Out of what? Out of 15. So how many did I have to get? You needed to get 10 or more. 10. Yeah. I did pretty good. Yeah. I feel actually really good. Internal validation, look at that. I'm really proud of myself. Yeah, you did good. You did good. It was good. I don't believe you. No, it was good. It was good. It felt worse than it was somehow. I thought it felt good. I was looking like I'm killing this right now. I'm killing this. Okay. No, it's good. It's good. And you're getting paid regardless. Don't worry about it. Oh, I'm good. Money's coming. I think you should pay your team first. Money's coming.

58:40They are not getting paid. You will get paid.

58:43Caleb Hearon:Woo! No, I don't pay them. Yeah. They don't do valuable work. Yeah, they look malnourished. Yeah. What else do you want to tell the people? Anything you want to leave everybody with? Like something to plug, is that what you're saying? Well, sure. Tell them where they can find you. What you want to plug. Words of wisdom. Oh, damn. That's a lot of things. Okay. You know, get you a therapist that you really love. That's beautiful. Yeah. My person is Lando. this non-binary immigrant person yeah who i love older younger we've been we've been cooking older um i don't know just you know hang with your friends show show love to one other um eat some good food you know get some lob yeah go to holy yeah h-o-l-i um i am on social media my instagram is serenie s-u-r-e-n-i tiktok is serenie comedy come to a show i'll be on tour later this year and then I'm working on a show right now.

59:41Caleb Hearon:It's called Lunch Lady. Carly's working on it too. It's where I cook with older women across New York City and I'm trying to get to every country. It's called Lunch Lady because my mom's a lunch lady and she's retiring next year and it's kind of an ode to her but it's, you know, people tend to infantilize or desexualize older women but they're out here fucking. They're out here doing their shit. They're living their life and I'm excited. It's like a little project I'm working on. Oh, yeah. It's like, it's really vulnerable to start a project. Yeah. I don't do that often. It's like I feel like I've been part of many people's projects, but it's vulnerable to like start something, you know.

1:00:14Caleb Hearon:And if it goes bad, it goes bad. I'm proud of myself regardless. Yeah. I'm proud of you too. It is scary. Yeah. It's really scary. And I'm having a lot of fun. Like this is my year of collaboration. Like I want to collaborate with people and like work with friends and like just like laugh a lot. And I feel like, I don't know, my life's good. I really, I love my life. Yeah. I love that. Well, it was a great episode. Thanks for doing it. Thanks for having me. Apple Pay is the simple, secure, and fast way to pay. That's because your credit or debit card is right on your iPhone. Accepted at millions of places, from big box stores to boutiques, you can check out with your iPhone anywhere contactless payments are accepted.

1:00:50Caleb Hearon:Apple Pay is more secure than a physical card because you authenticate your purchases with Face ID before you pay, and your actual card number is never shared with merchants. Add your debit or credit card to Apple Wallet to check out in seconds. Simple. Secure. Fast. That's Apple Pay. Terms apply.