Trixie Mattel Returns Again

19:14Trixie Mattel:No I'm not talking about the shoes again because we covered it I think the shoes have been through enough they've seen too much as it is meanwhile this is what I show up in which is the absence of choosing any clothing options at all I look like a sim I just got out of jail I love when I open Instagram and this is the outfit they gave me to leave in you just walked out of the gate the aura ring you do have the aura ring I love when I open up Instagram and you're wearing like Oakley's and lime green gym shorts or something. I'm like, that's my favorite drag queen. I dress like you don't know where I was on January 6th.

19:53Trixie Mattel:Yeah. No, you do. You dress like we do. Yeah. But you know what, though? It's all about, I forget what the word is. I was at the Beyonce, Cowboy Carter concert and I had my big Oakley's on with like camo hat with like America flag shirt. And the Beyonce stage was a big America flag. And I took it like this. And if you did not know where I was and who I was. Trump rally. Of course. But I'm a drag queen at Cowboy Carter. But if you were just swiping, you'd be like, oh. Scared. Scared. Really scared. But I really think because you're so beloved and so famous and so successful, you really treat all of this like you, it's like a non-event for you, which I find is very impressive.

20:31Well, don't you think it doesn't kind of matter? It doesn't really matter.

20:35Trixie Mattel:Even you thinking that is something that some of us take years to get there. Yeah. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. And I do feel that way. I'm like, it simply does not matter. It's something that's happening to me right now. Wonderful. But it's like life, the exciting things about life would be the same regardless of if my life was going this way or not. Like the beautiful things about life are available to everybody. And they're not like the things about my job that are exciting. The beautiful things about life are still like seeing your friends, beautiful sunsets, going on a bike ride, making dinner.

21:06Like, I don't, I just feel like my, I love my job. I'm very grateful for my life. I love that I get to travel and say my stupid opinions for a living. But I'm like, it kind of doesn't matter.

21:15Trixie Mattel:Have you ever had a crisis? Like an artistic crisis? Like a crisis of faith? About what am I doing? Not a crisis. I wonder what I'm going to do next. Right now I'm in kind of a moment of like, I'm this year, last year was all about making stuff. I was made a bunch of stuff. And then this year I was giving myself permission to not go on tour. Just kind of put these movies out. That's right. You came on my YouTube channel and you were plugging your tour. And then I saw you next. I was like, how's your tour? You're like, didn't go. Didn't do it. Love it. Didn't do it. Not going. But that's the level of who cares.

21:43Trixie Mattel:Yeah. That is, I think, is pretty fierce. I don't know if your reps think that's fierce when you're like, never mind. They do not. They do not. I have the most patient and beleaguered team in America. But have you ever had Katya on? No, she won't talk to me. Love. I'm not kidding. Katya will not acknowledge me in any sense. Barely spoke to me when I came to your guys' show. Katya does not want anything to do with me, and I have the utmost respect for her. We've had the same person shooting our podcast for like four or five years. And just last week, Katya asked what his phone number was.

22:15I have so much respect for her. I have asked her to come on the show. I have tried to hang out with her. It has not worked out.

22:21Trixie Mattel:But I'm saying she has a really similar healthy point of view. Because this is the thing. It's one thing to be happy about what you get to do. Because we've reached wonderful career heights that, oh my God, right? If you quit tomorrow, someday you'll be like, I did that. That's so crazy. but it's important to enjoy it presently because sometimes I used to feel like anything good that happened to me would only heighten my fear of what if it went away which is horrible because it completely occludes your ability to enjoy the present and performing and being your best as an artist is all about the present and don't you feel like even when you were doing stand-up for a smaller crowd you still could like hit that groove and hit that moment with the audience where you felt great.

23:02100%. And in some ways things were easier. I think the thing with life that's important is that you look at everything that could happen to you, good or bad, and you go, what would it provide and what would it take away? Everything that happens to you in life provides and takes away. You get something, you lose something. And so I think about this like that where I'm like, yeah, if this all stopped, if I wasn't making money talking anymore or if I didn't get to be a working artist anymore, that would take away a lot of things that are very nice and it would also provide things that are very nice.

23:29Trixie Mattel:peace and quiet and you know what I mean and boredom and seeing your family more that's a big thing I think about as I get older as I'm like wow to be an artist and travel for like last 10 plus years at some point when I was young without even realizing it I kind of decided I'm only going to see my mom etc a few times a year until they die which is a horrible thought that's crazy but it's different than prioritizing I could never have that career because it's really important to me to live down the street from my family or something. We all are choosing things and un-choosing something else. You're 100 % right that if you start playing that game of what you're missing or what you could be missing, but you know what I learned in therapy and this changed my life.

24:09Trixie Mattel:Tell me. Anxiety is not about what could happen. It's about what has happened. You think, what if this happens? Because your system, your somatic system, your fight or flight, all that, remembers things that have happened. You're having these physical responses that to you don't make sense. You're like, why am I panicking? I'm at the grocery store. But something about your body remembers something that happened before that was bad. And so it thinks something is about to happen. But that's not based on fact. Your system is just reacting. We all are writing Linux, Mac, Windows, iOS, whatever. We're writing our operating systems while we're sucking our thumbs.

24:50Trixie Mattel:Which is why later in life, when we have reactions to things we don't understand, And it all makes sense. When you say, I don't understand that. That doesn't make any sense. It surely does make sense. Yeah. It all makes sense. And then I think you get more sympathy for other people because when somebody else has a reaction they don't understand or shows their ass, you're like, we're all just fucking lizard brains slamming into each other, having reactions we can't explain. Have I asked you about God before on the show? It's all you talk about. I know. I talk about it all the time. Do you mean Alanis?

25:23Yes.

25:24Trixie Mattel:Yeah. What's your favorite song? By Alanis? Yeah. Thank you, India. That one? Thank you? No. Oh, I love All I Really Want. What did you say? All I Really Want. Great song. It's a great song. It's so repetitive in the best way. And... Don't worry about that. That's God. Don't worry about that. That's God. That's Alanis. She's up there. Give it a handjob. The 10-year anniversary of Jagged Little Pill is the 2005 release where it's all acoustic. and that version of All I Really Want is all orchestra and it's very turnt. Yeah. Really love her. What do you think about actual God? Do you have a religion?

25:59I don't know. I don't know if I've ever asked you.

26:01Trixie Mattel:I wasn't raised religious at all. Really? At all. Wow. So I have no, everything about it is, it's like me watching, religious people was like me watching Simone Biles do backflips. It just seems like humans are wacky and that's crazy. Yeah. And weird. Yeah. shout out to Simone Biles I don't think you're weird but I mean it seems like it's crazy that that's something you're dedicating your time to is doing so many flips it's a stretch of like a human you know I think all different cultures who before the telephone the internet didn't even know about each other all developed their own little religions and so I do think there's something in us that gets something out of believing in God and I think that that instinct is beautiful which is why I like not Christian music I like old folk music that talks about God and stuff because I think it's a beautiful instinct but I don't believe in it is that bad?

27:01so you're saying no God

27:03Trixie Mattel:I don't believe in it I'm not saying there's no God what do you think happens when we die? you're so zen and so peaceful I'm really interested in what you think what do you think happens after this? I think to believe that something better happens when we die is a complete slap in the face to the gift of being alive right now You have told me this and I think that's beautiful. I love that. We're here. You're like, when I die, it's going to be so cunty. No, it isn't. To me, it's like believing in heaven, believing that when you die, everything's going to get so fierce. Do you know who thinks that?

27:36Trixie Mattel:People who hate you. Yeah. When you die, it's going to be fierce. Oh, it's going to be amazing when you're not here. When you're not here, it's going to be a fucking key. Right. Like when it happens, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. When it happens, that is going to be fierce for me. It's going to be amazing. I can't wait until that happens I'm gonna be running naked I'm gonna just go withdraw cash from the bank and run through the street Do you know what though? I am gonna be sad Why? I said this recently when somebody evil died I do get sad about it and people accuse me of virtue signaling It was on Substack where they use bigger words to still be fucking annoying and dense Do you have a Substack?

28:13Oh yeah, I love Substack You do? I love Substack

28:15Trixie Mattel:I felt like Bart Simpson writing on the chalkboard every day. It was hard. I love it. I love the writing on there. I think there's so many brilliant writers on there. And there's so many artists I love who are using it in really interesting ways. My favorite Substack is actually Chance and I, our buddy Doyle, runs a music review Substack called Night Swimming. Cool. He does new music every week. And he only reviews things that he likes. And it's really, really, really fucking good. And it's how I find a lot of new music. I love Substack. But I posted on there that I do get sad even when a really evil person dies because I think life is so precious and beautiful and being alive is so special and amazing and I can't believe that I get to be alive I love it so much and I'm so glad I'm alive at the same time as all of you but yeah when someone evil dies I don't I actually I think I used to feel joy and as I've gotten older I feel a real genuine sadness not like oh my gosh I'm so sad that they're gone but more like I feel really sad because I'm like oh they really never figured it out they spent their life being hateful and hurting people and it makes me sad that they wasted their time on earth doing that and it overcomes me even if i feel joy that they're no longer in a position to do harm i get immediately overcome with sadness that that is what they did do you know what i'm saying i do i do know what you're saying and i really feel that way and i feel in it it isn't me being like i'm too good to feel mad when an evil person dies i'm just like i feel sad when my this is maybe too much but when my stepdad died who was horrible it's you know terribly abusive alcoholic horrible horrible i would i'm fantasized about him dying every day for years which is horrible i mean that's horrible to say but when you're in like a real abusive cycle of course you don't think that you can go to school and tell someone and it's going to be over you think you're it's a weird mind game where you like can't leave and you don't you don't want to you know it's crazy yeah and then when he finally did die it was like a i felt all this guilt because i felt like i psychically made it happen because i wished it too much and then also i felt like wow this is what we did with our time on planet earth me and this person yeah and it can't be fixed now it can't be changed i don't even have the luxury of later having some resolution from it or some kind of apology it just that was what it was and that's it and i was surprised at the feeling you're saying which is regret almost like secondhand regret of like that's what we did that's what we did while we were here and i think what would have been so much nicer is for that person to have i mean i can't say that for you i'm not saying you would have felt this way but i think in my position where people who have like done immense evil i think what would have been nicer is for them to have an about face and like apologized and tried to make right and like i think that would have been so much more pleasing than like them just dying evil and thinking they were right because that's the thing is they die thinking they were right oh it's fierce yeah it's fears especially i mean i don't really feel bad for conservatives when they die maybe you and i are different but no a lot of people agree with you i don't feel super bad i feel to be clear though i don't feel bad for them i just feel bad okay i understand there is a difference i don't pity them i don't feel sad for them i'm not sad on their behalf i don't wish that they were still here doing what they were doing i just feel sad and it's more about me and us than it is about them.

31:31Does that make sense?

31:31Trixie Mattel:It's more like a wasted life thing, a little bit. Yeah, 100%. Wasted purpose. It's pity almost. Yeah, that's a, yes. Especially because so many of these hateful thoughts are taught. It's like, damn bitch, if that same person would have been born in another family or something, they wouldn't have dedicated their whole life to this or whatever, you know? Because I don't think anybody's born homophobic or anything like that, but then they get taught that and then they just walk around the world being crazy. Yeah. I'm homophobic though. You are one of the most homophobic people I've ever met. I am.

32:00Trixie Mattel:that's the funny thing is conservatives and gay people it's like do you hate gay people because so do I I know and then well and then so many of the Tinder queers are like you're playing into their hand and I'm like I don't know I think I'm being silly about my community and they're making laws I think it's actually like I think I can actually play around a lot of course I am homophobic I am homophobic would I would I would I off myself right now to better the lives of gay people in a second yeah but but they wear funny outfits they're yeah why are they so in your face about it yeah they're shoving it down our throats yeah ideally but maybe i think i don't i on some ways i'm like end stage woke i'm like stage four woke but in a lot of ways i like to make i'm gonna make fun of queer people till i die 100 it's just fun i also it's just fun i someone messaged me the other day and said hey can we either go on a date or can you buy me a car and i actually really liked that i almost bought them a car are you dating we're not Are you dating now?

32:59Trixie Mattel:Do what? Are you dating right now? I am. That's the same person? No. Oh. I'm dating around. Oh, you're dating. I'm like in the process of dating. I love that. It's a game of numbers, you know. I know that's like kind of corny, but it's about keeping your options open. I always have a boyfriend, and I don't think I'm that great. But I do think - Shut up, bitch. Don't piss me off. No, but I'm not some kind of like - You're like one of the biggest catch in the universe. But I'm not some kind of like the second I'm single, come out, come out, wherever you are. It's not that. I just think I'm open.

33:31What do you mean? Open to ideas.

33:33Trixie Mattel:Open to different thoughts. Open to possibilities. And you're a huge catch. Admit that. I get caught. So, yeah. Thank you. I'll take it. We got there. I get caught. Yeah. You know, when I got my Pernubo scan, you know what else they found? My pussy. Trixie. And it was big. It was in there the whole time? I pulled it out. I put it on the counter and we weighed it and it was... Slapped it down and it was heavy? It was very Dr. Pimple Popper. Yeah. Okay. Go ahead. No, don't back off of it. Do you remember in the show, whenever she removes stuff, she shows it to them. That I think is so over the line.

34:04Trixie Mattel:Yeah. She'll cut out that Nerf ball on their back and be like, she makes them look at it. I'm about to get a tonsillectomy and I want to keep the tonsils. Cunty. Tell me about your tonsillectomy. Okay. I was 19. Okay. I was in school and I was having some problems with singing. Still do. And they were looking at my throat and they said, God, they're so big. Let's just remove them. And it hurt so bad. Yeah. It was a week of like, you don't realize how many small, tiny, smooth muscles are there until every micro movement hurts. Yawning was some of the worst pain I ever felt. When you're stitched up back there and you accidentally yawn, I saw stars from the pain.

34:43Trixie Mattel:So bad. That's what everyone says. You're going to be fine. No. Everyone says it's the worst thing that's ever happened to them. It's the worst adult pain I've probably ever felt. Yeah. They say you need a day for every year you've been alive to recover. I'm 31. Fuck. Yeah. But you know what, though? You could go in a hyperbaric chamber. Pardon? It's that thing where you get the higher percentage of oxygen, and it helps accelerate healing. They have that in LA. You could do. How long would you stay in there? You just get in there for like an hour. I've never done it. But when I got, I recently had my third hemorrhoid removal.

35:18Why are they, how are they getting?

35:19Trixie Mattel:Which is a lot like your throat. It's reverse. Do the hemorrhoids need to be removed? I thought they just kind of went away on their own. At a certain point, they're squatters. They need to be like, they need to be, it's like, my hemorrhoids are like hippies who chain themselves to trees. Like they are not going out without a fight. They're not going. They're just going to stay. If I have like, you know, Google tell me one more time that just give it a few weeks, your body will resolve it on its own. Well, stop asking her. You clearly have a special situation with your hemorrhoids. Oh, me and my, my lovely proctologist who I've seen for 10 years, me calling, hey, it's me again.

35:52Trixie Mattel:I don't even say my name. They know who I am. I know she's got her fucking work cut out for her. They know what's going on. Being your proctologist is not an easy job. Micro, dirty jobs. It's awful. But that takes a while. Because again, your throat and your butthole is a smooth muscle that does a lot of this. So the process of everything is just, it's an area that you want to heal fast. This. Yeah. And it's not going to feel as fast as you want. No. Everyone's saying it's really, really bad. Eating sucks. I've had strep seven times this year. And that's worse. Eating sucks. You can't eat for...

36:24It's going to be horrible. It's going to be a lot of ice water.

36:27Trixie Mattel:It's going to be a lot of milkshakes. They're going to give you things for the pain, like steroids and stuff, and you're going to think you're so much better, and then it's worse. Oh, they're going to give me... I'll tell you what they're giving me for the pain. The highest fucking concentration. I want the strongest pain meds you can fucking think of. I'm scared of them. I'm going to try not to take them, but from what I've heard, I will need them. Oh, yeah, because you don't even drink. I don't really drink. I'm not smoking weed anymore. You should start drinking for that. I'm off weed and soda right now.

36:54I'm off weed and soda. You have no idea what this has done to me. I'm not having Dr. Pepper anymore. I'm going to cry. I'm going to cry. I'm not having Dr. Pepper right now. What about Mr.

37:03Trixie Mattel:Pibb? No. None of it. Not even Diet Coke. Not Coke Zero. Not mug root beer. Not Sprite. Can you drink Perrier? Like sparkling water? Why would I do that? Sorry, I don't like them. Sparkling water makes me mad. And I'm obviously lashing out at you right now. It's not about you. Right. I'm feeling fucked up from being off soda. and I'm missing weed as well. But I had a crazy panic attack and I saw through the universe and I had to stop.

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42:06Trixie Mattel:I've been monogamous for a couple years now. Have you? And to me, it's been great. You've been monogamous, but all you ever do is flirt with me when we collab. It's so sick. And you're telling me I need to work on my relationship to men. Because flirting isn't cheating. Yes, it is. No, it's how you respond. Yeah, it is. No, it's not. I'm kidding. It's not flirting. If I say you have nice hair and you're a nice person, maybe it's something. Why can't someone give you a compliment with your brain going to, wants me, wants to fuck me? you do want me but if you think that about everyone and then you're having a lot of sex maybe you think that any kind of men having any kind of positivity toward you is like well this is about this well that's not true Chance is positive towards me all the time I wouldn't touch him with a 30 foot pole he hates you Chance loves me I pulled in the parking lot he opened my car door he didn't have any coffee for me by the way and he goes I hate Caleb I said girl me too totally by the way coffee's not his fault that's Michelle's so if you're gonna get mad at somebody get mad at Michelle she's going through something right now we're working on it she's had really terrible time with time zones and coffees lately she's just she's comfortable everyone who works for me everyone who works for me is too comfortable I'm genuinely she's just like this over there I'm too kind I'm too kind you can't do that you know Katya and I recently we've been balancing we want to have an environment where everybody we all have fun yeah but also that's what I've done for these guys we are making a show that's what I've done for these guys I am now like when we walk in the camera's gotta be ready the air conditioning's gotta be on You got to do this.

43:35Yeah.

43:35Trixie Mattel:Right? They're too comfortable. They're too comfortable. You can't find good help anymore. They're too comfortable. They don't have your coffee ready. But Chance, I will say, despite, you know, does he do anything for the money he gets? I don't think so, or I don't see it. Does he love me deep down? Yes. I know that he does. It's true. He also has fabulous hair, though, so it kind of feels like that's what you guys do here. Doesn't he look handsome when he keeps it tight, though? It's gorgeous. Thank you. You invite bald people on here. Yeah. And you all do your Pantene Pro-V commercial shit. Yeah.

44:04Trixie Mattel:and it's fucked. Yeah, it's really fucked up. It's fucked. It's really fucked up. You know what the best part is? I'm at this age now where all my gay friends are getting transplants and they all have maybe the hair loss that maybe you have, if you have any. I do. There's a bald spot back here and my hairline's pushing back. Okay, they maybe have, maybe as much as you, but even less. And they say things like, oh my God, I feel like I want to kill myself. And I go, oh, you do? If they were like you. Because if you were bald, would that be horrible? Yeah. I was doing this, I was watching this DJ set online and they were playing vinyl.

44:36Trixie Mattel:I like to watch the people. I don't play vinyl, but I like to watch the people who do. I think it's cool. And they have an overhead cam and this guy reached over to change records and he had just the tiniest little Sacagawea coin of skin visible. And somebody in the room goes, oh my God, did you see that? I would be so pissed. I said, what? They said they just showed his bald spot. I would be so pissed. And I was like, oh, would you be pissed? Would you be really pissed off? You don't even have a bald spot. It's just your whole head. That's what I'm saying. I'm at the point where when I wash my face I go back to here and when I use shampoo I'm doing it to the upper lip It's because it's hard to tell where it stops and starts This is no man's land This is that area where you can stand in four states Yes It's like maritime law It's like no one knows how to govern If someone got killed on your forehead we don't know whose jurisdiction it would be I take my Noxzema and my head and shoulders and I mix it together and I do this whole area Just a one fell swoop Who knows?

45:30Trixie Mattel:You get into men's grooming, you probably have nice products. Oh, no. I don't have a skincare routine. And I use... The other day I got a haircut from a new guy here in LA. And he came to my hotel room. He's cutting my hair. He goes, what product do you use? I go, oh, crew fiber. He goes, damn, old school. He was like embarrassed for me that that was my product. Crew fiber, I feel like, does work though. It does. I love... Also, I will say, I can't... I love my little bald spot. I love my fucked up teeth. I love that they're a little yellow. I love that one's pushed back. I like that my hairline's pushing back.

46:02I like, I am like, I don't want to get any work done.

46:05Trixie Mattel:So why are you going to therapy? Therapy? If you love yourself so much. That's internal work. Right. There's some stuff in there that might need to be worked on. Physically, I think I'm completely gorgeous. I love the way I look. And I'm excited to get older. I'm starting to get gray hairs and I'm starting to get wrinkles. I'm excited about both from Trixie. I did though the other day, well, this is actually a couple months ago now. I Google, I started to Google, am I a loving sex addict? and I typed in am I a LO and it auto-populated am I a LO's rewards member? And I laughed so hard that I stopped talking to it.

46:35Didn't look any further. Were you? What, a LO's rewards member? No. But I also want to know who is so confused about that.

46:42Trixie Mattel:Well, I'm a rewards member motherfucker. I don't buy anything anywhere without signing up for the loyalty program. My email inbox is a wreck. You're famously the only person on this show who's ever insisted on getting their money from the True Fall segment. Still haven't got it. Oh, wait, I did get it. You got it. I did get it. You got it. Thank you for that. If that's coming, I'm going to win again. It's going to happen this episode, and I don't think you're going to win. And if you do, you're not getting paid. But the funny thing is you talked to Mateo about it, didn't you? Yeah, I talked to him.

47:06Trixie Mattel:I talked shit on you in public, yeah. Oh, and what is she? Miss Unicef? She just does all her shows for free? Nobody gets paid in this industry? Mateo? Yes. Mateo would never rake a dear friend over the coals for$50. But Mateo might also not tell someone they're going to get money and then not give it to them. Cut that. I love, he is so fun. Again, another embarrassment of riches person. So handsome, so funny, can sing. You know, he also can draw. He also speaks like 18 languages. He can cook. What he needs to do is leave us all the fuck alone. I just was at a bookstore yesterday or two days ago.

47:37Trixie Mattel:Elliot Glazer launched his book and I went to go do his talk back. He's so fun and sweet. And he, I saw Mateo's book sitting there called like you're cooking your pasta wrong or something. Yeah, he's like shirtless in an apron. I was like, whatever. By the way, he's the sweetest person alive. I'm having Mateo Lane fatigue where I'm like, you need to leave us alone. I know. You have it all, bitch. And I just saw him. He's on Broadway playing Billy Flynn. Which he was fabulous in, by the way. I got to go see the show. He was in Chicago with Krista Rodriguez, friend of the show. I love Krista Rodriguez.

48:05They were fabulous together.

48:06Trixie Mattel:I've never met her. Theater people are fucking heroes. I don't know how they do it. I'm not doing it. Jinx. Jinx. Doing all these serious, serious singing movement roles. 18 ,000 shows a week. They get seven cents and a handshake. The way Katya and I, when we're on tour and we have like four a week, the way we have suicide packs, like you don't understand. The way we. You guys barely do anything up there. Nothing. Oh my God. We do the pod live. And recently one of my friends came and said, you guys were great. I wish you guys would have done a show though. Live podcast. Valid. So valid. Clocked.

48:41Trixie Mattel:Two chairs. But I always, Katya will be like, she'll get so nervous that we don't do anything during the show. And I'll be like, they're coming to the pod. Yeah. These people have watched us through the pod for years. They know what they're coming to see. And she's like, okay, but should we do a number? I'm like, no. I actually need a number. I need to take that pressure off myself. I'm in the Katja camp of like, I feel like I'm never doing enough for the audience. Because I can't believe that people are paying money from their job that they worked to come and see me. But I'm like, we got to add something else.

49:10We got to have a pyrotechnic show. I got to whip out my nut. I got to do something. Right. Yeah. I don't think they want to see my nutsack. Maybe some of them do.

49:16Trixie Mattel:Do you ever do PowerPoints? Katja and I have been doing shitty PowerPoints that we make day of. That's been really fun. I know. I was in your Kansas City one. Oh, yes. You mentioned me. Yes. Not nearly enough. Yeah, you put me as a very small role towards the end of the presentation, which just felt like you're in my hometown. I had taken you out to lunch. It feels like I could have been. You think it was Paola? Yeah, I just think you could have done a little more for me. Maybe you could have. I think I was recasting Wicked, and maybe you could have filled in for it. Because AOC was Elphaba. Yeah.

49:42Trixie Mattel:So maybe you should have been Elphaba. He could have brought me out or something. Fuck AOC, right? What? That's what you said, kind of. What'd you say? What did you say? What are you saying? What do you think I said? Do you want her to run for president? Of course. Really? Oh, yeah. Nice. Let's bring her on. You'd vote for that? My issue with any candidates is that in America, you have to be 35 to run. Fucked up. But if you're 35, they say you're too young. Yeah. Then why is it the law? You're right. Why is 35 the minimum age if when you run and you're not 50, they're like, we got this young guy.

50:12Trixie Mattel:No, we don't. 35 is... 35 is near death. Yeah. I just feel like if you are 35 on the day, nobody should say you're too young to run for president. That shit pisses me off. Would you ever run? No. For any office? No. Really? And I'm not even going to joke about like, well, based on who's won, I guess anybody could. No, I think the pendulum should swing to people who are very smart and could do a good job. Yeah. Is that wacky? Am I woke? You're not at all. I'm going to run. You could run. I'm going to run. What is your education in? Socio-political communications, my undergrad degree. Let's give her the crown.

50:50I mean... Apple Pay is the simple, secure, and fast way to pay. That's because your credit or debit card is right on your iPhone. Accepted at millions of places, from big box stores to boutiques, you can check out with your iPhone anywhere contactless payments are accepted. Apple Pay is more secure than a physical card because you authenticate your purchases with Face ID before you pay, and your actual card number is never shared with merchants. Add your debit or credit card to Apple Wallet to check out in seconds. Simple. Secure. Fast. That's Apple Pay. Terms apply. I will say, I need someone, if anyone in Kansas City is listening to this, someone cool and left us.

51:26We've got a mayor election coming up. Someone cool and left us. Let's get his O-R-On situation going in KC.

51:31Trixie Mattel:No one's stepping up. Is Paul Rudd from Kansas City? He sure is. I recently saw a video of Jenna Ortega talking about Paul Rudd, talking about Kansas City. Yeah. Is she from Kansas City? No. Oh. It's like Paul Rudd, Jason Sudeikis, Heidi Gardner. You. Me, I'm over there. They have a charity show they do every year there that they bring a lot of people for. Recently, I told someone you lived there and they were like, oh, wow. And I was like, why is it bad to live where you're from? Why is it bad to not live in LA or New York full time? Well, yeah, I don't. I'm like, I think it's nice. You're going to come soon.

52:06You're coming to Kansas City because you're going to do the Yeehaw Benefit Show for the KC Tenants.

52:10Trixie Mattel:Oh, yeah. I was told that it is a fundraiser for people who are getting, unfortunately, like legally trying to get kicked out of places they live. And I don't like that. You don't like that. That's not you. I don't like that. And I admire the way you care about shit. The only evictions you do are the hemorrhoids out of your asshole. Oh, my God. Can't do it fast enough. I'll get those lawyers over here to help me with that. Yeah. I'll send the sheriff's office down there to bang on the door. Yeah. Have you ever had a hemorrhoid? Oh, sure. It's awful. Mine are just little small guys that go away.

52:38Trixie Mattel:You don't do a lot of receptive anal sex, do you? No. So it's like, who cares? Is that how you get them? Not me. Oh. Not me. What? Not me. I swear to God, I don't know what's going on with my body. I'm not a pusher. I'm not a strainer. I'm not a sit on the toilet and scroll on the phone. I'm on the toilet for 40 seconds. I'm able to just sit and it's all over quickly. I swear to god I could have a a movement in 30 seconds and it could all be water and my body has a new hemorrhoid that's like so I don't know you're just unfortunate I'm just unfortunate and you know what recently I saw an article on out.com and this could be a lie and it said here's why anal sex is actually good for your hemorrhoid to heal your hemorrhoids and I don't know if that's true that seems like something out.com would make up that's what I'm saying out and them are playing with the boundaries of journalistic integrity very often.

53:31Trixie Mattel:Girl, it was like them.com or out.com or something. And they had an article that was like, I'm 67 and I'm wanting to get to have my first time same sex experience. What is your advice? It was a 67 year old and I just commented six, seven.

53:47Trixie Mattel:This is the beloved community that we're supposed to be in. You know, similarly what happened to me once was they out.com had an article about two whales that fell in love that are gay. I just commented and I got I got I got a band did you? on Instagram I got a strike metal will bring you back though crazy yeah TikTok I got I got a strike for yelling where's Mitch McConnell on it during a DJ set I was DJing and dragging and by the way it doesn't make sense that I yelled it it was at a pool party I just turned the music off and went where's Mitch McConnell turned it back on you got a strike for that?

54:21yes just asking where he is it's crazy

54:24Trixie Mattel:not even saying a bad thing asking where you are drop a pin Let us know. Drop a pin. Proof of life. Share your location. And then he shows up in suit separates and sneakers in a wheelchair. And we're supposed to be like, oh, good. He's back. Oh, girl. It's like an AI video of him at Disney. Stop electing these old fucking dinosaurs. And I don't want to be ageist either because that also sounds bad. No, I do. Get out of office. What are you doing in office when you're 80? What are these lifetime positions? Hang out with your grandkids. Sit in the park. Knit a sweater. That's what they are doing.

54:55They're not at work. Get out of Congress. I am ageist about this. No, I'm dead fucking serious. If you put me in charge of this country for a little bit, we are lowering the age to be president to 30. We are abolishing the electoral college. We are overhauling the two-party system. And we are putting an age cap on serving in any public office. If you are over 65, you better go play fucking mahjong and hang out in the park, bitch.

55:18Trixie Mattel:Or. It's over. Or transition to like. Another gender. No, yes. transition to like do the charity events do the appearances kiss the babies do like the I was a politician and I still like these causes you can still do your waving and endorsing of course be in public be involved do ribbon cuttings at fro-yo shops I don't give a fuck but you cannot be in congress anymore and I would I mean do you know how horny I would be if it was like oh I loved him and you know what we lost him at 65 because he retired but I loved his policies do you know how much happier that would make me get Bernie's ass out of there too sorry girl I love him love him My rule is going to affect him.

55:56You've got to go.

55:57Trixie Mattel:And that's what I mean. I hate sounding like a blanket statement about people of ages, but I don't know. It's like when you see someone's grandma on Instagram and they have a VR headset on and they dive through a wall because they don't understand how VR works, they should not be able to be like, take the headset off. That was weird. I'm going to go sign in some bills now. Yes. What the fuck? And honestly, we're going to ban John Fetterman too. It's not even an age thing with him. It's that he clearly had some head trauma. And be drag queens. All the best drag queens are old. Transition to drag.

56:29Trixie Mattel:RuPaul, 60-something, the peak of beauty. You're getting up there as well. 36, pretty much. And you're talking to your game. That's what's funny is drag queenism is a 21-year-old drunk person's game. The rest of us are just flies on shit. We're vultures circling. I will never be one of those drag queens who's like, I'm 38 and I still got it. I know that I've overstayed my welcome. I know that. I'm not going anywhere. Yeah. But I'm not a politician. Well, you're going everywhere, just not in drag. Right. Just not in drag. And I'm one of those drag queens who still gets in drag. Yeah. All these other girls are drag queens who...

57:06Trixie Mattel:Are you kidding? I've never seen you in drag. Pods are the only time I'm not in drag. Serious? When have you ever seen me anywhere? If you see me at a poster and it says, Trixie Mattel will be there, you never see you know this showing up you never see Moby showing up I just wish you'd come and drag to my show every once in a while I had to drive to Santa Monica you think I want to be in Santa Monica you think I should be in the Volvo with a wig on do you think I want to be in Santa Monica Trixie Mary do you think it brought me joy to bring you to Santa Monica I said to him I said they better be giving you guys some serious kickback because I thought I was going to East Hollywood serious kickback they get paid to do nothing no no no this studio there better be some kind of deal some kind of steep cut because my god I had to get the airlifted here and you have a New York studio too and everyone here is lovely I only have a New York studio this is not mine we're borrowing this oh is that why this all looks so temporary yes yeah I mean because what is this saying you know what I mean well there's some hats New York LA Kinsey I didn't make the set but I think they did a beautiful job they made the they made the banner they have a fireplace some tassels which of course represent me this is actually incredibly chic I you know what it gives those butt plugs that have the ponytail.

58:18It's giving this one specific coat that Meryl wore in Devil Wears Prada too. She wore this coat that was covered in tassels that is so fucking chic.

58:25Trixie Mattel:I saw on the plane the other day somebody was watching your movie right next to me. Devil Wears Prada? Yeah. Oh my God. Look over and saw you. I love that shit. I get embarrassed when I see myself on things but when I see someone I know I'm like, I get really into it. Do that again. That was cool. Oh, that was cool. I like that. Kind of mask. It was hot mask. Someone sent me a picture the other day on a plane of someone in this row watching my HBO special and someone like two rows up watching Devil Wears Prada 2. That's great. And I was like, that's really cool. That was nice. That actually made me feel good.

58:54Trixie Mattel:Trixie, I was flying with my partner and Trixie Motel was showing on like Air Canada and somebody was watching it. It was like me and my ex and I was like, let's look out the window. Are those clouds? Oh my God, beautiful, beautiful. Pull up the shades. Yeah. And then sometimes, I think some of the airlines have drag race. What do I, I always rewatch The Office on airplanes because Delta always has it so I always put it on. and then what else do I be watching? I watch the flight tracker. What season? I do too. I like to know what I'm going over. People see me crying on a plane. I'm watching the flight tracker.

59:24Yeah, weeping.

59:26Trixie Mattel:Oh, I flew to Turkey, and Turkish Airlines first class has a middle seat. Don't ask. And so I was in the middle seat, and by the way, as a white, bald person to fly to Turkey, the flight attendants were like, it's a big trip. Rest up. This is a big trip. Rest up. You're going to need it. This is going to be a tough one. This is huge. I'm like, yeah, can I get a champagne? Thank you. And this woman next to me is watching The Notebook, and the notebook is so good that she's watching it with headphones. I actually can't plug my headphones into her shit. I watched it the whole movie like this with no sound and cried still.

59:56Trixie Mattel:This woman. Imagine you're flying to Turkey. You look over. Trixie Mattel. Is sitting there crying. Out of drag. Is sitting there watching your screen, no headphones, weeping. Weeping. Picture it. That just shows how beautiful performances they give in that movie. They give beautiful performances. Let me tell you something about Rachel McAdams. I would do anything for her. I love her so fucking much. She's one of our greatest actors. She really is. Doesn't get talked about enough. And the woman who plays that character, the older woman? Yes. I forget her name. She passed away last year. Yeah, she's amazing.

1:00:28I forget her name as well.

1:00:28Trixie Mattel:The scene with no sound where she realizes, it was us, oh my God. And Walter Matthau, I think. No, whoever. Oh, I forget his name. James Garner and Gina Rowlands. The scene where they have that, she's like, how long do we have? Are the kids okay? She was beautiful until the day she passed, but when she was young, she was a dime. Yeah. You ever seen her young? Of course. Gorgeous. Gina Rowland. She's beautiful. She's absolutely beautiful. Wait, hold on. I was going to ask you something. It was about planes. You were talking about - Stop that train? Oh, no. What season of Drag Race were you on? I was on season seven.

1:01:04You were on season seven.

1:01:05Trixie Mattel:And I was on All Stars 3, but I have little peppered in little cameos here and there. Did you win? I won All-Stars 3. You didn't win your season. That's sad. No. Didn't win. Who beat you? Violet. Violet Chachki. Oh. And I don't even know her. She was 21. How old were you? 24. Oh, my God. Yeah, it was a long time ago. It was like 10 years ago. Katya and I just re-watched it for our... We re-watched All-Stars 2 because Katya won All-Stars 2. Yeah. We just watched that on our... Did she win? No. Oh. We watched it on our Patreon. I don't want to say Patreon. people get mad our peace lurch yeah it's our peace lurch people get mad when you say Patreon yes why we launched the Patreon people were not happy I don't know well also the nice thing about drag is the backbone of drag is someone walking around the room being handed money so it's never really gauche to be in drag and be like can I have some money now people are like oh absolutely oh go to the car and get my credit card like it's really fine yeah drag is all about walking around asking for money 100 % as far as I know my first drag show ever you walk around and pretend to sing someone else's song while people do this.

1:02:13I want to watch your drag race sometime. The one that you want. I don't want to watch you lose. I think that'd be really sad.

1:02:19Trixie Mattel:You know, even when I did win, I kind of lucked out. It was almost like a formality. What happened? Someone forgot to put their paperwork in on time or something? No. I don't know. You'll have to watch it. It was sort of like, well, that's the thing about drag race. Nobody's ever happy who wins. Yeah. It's always, people are upset about who didn't. That's the thing. In a lot of ways, it's nice to not win because then your whole life If you just hear, I really loved you. I wanted you to win. Yeah. And if you do win, then people are maybe more mad at you on behalf of who they wanted to win. Yeah.

1:02:48Trixie Mattel:But also the money's nice. But the government takes, it counts as lottery winnings when you win Drag Race. The government takes 40%. You win money for winning Drag Race? Yeah. Oh my gosh. How much? Now they win$200 ,000. They win$200 ,000 if they win Drag Race? Oh my gosh. But I mean, the government takes 40 % of that. So 120 or whatever that is? Yeah. You win 120? That's still, that's incredible money to do. Oh, it's great. dress up and it's better than doing all that and not winning he's so you're so right you're so right it's incredible money to just pretend to be a girl all day oh i put on a put on a dress and put on a wig and change your name and walk around go oh i just finished all my music festivals and i was like wow my whole life as a musician i've always wanted to do music festivals all i had to do was change my name dress as a different person and play other people's music yeah and all of it was possible you got it and i got it and you did it and i am really proud of you you know No, you train your whole life to go DJ in 90 degree weather outside.

1:03:42Yeah.

1:03:43Trixie Mattel:It was death defyingly hot. And you're doing it. And I'm doing it. And you're doing it. You're throwing a pink disco all the time, it seems. Although it was, we're outside and we were in San Francisco and all these people were like, God, it's cold. I was like, so gay people have the nerve to complain when it's cold outside and complain inside when there's not enough air conditioning. Yeah. We're not happy unless it is magically 71 at all times. I can think of the last concert I went to where it was magically 71 and it was a beautiful evening. I remarked on it the whole night. What concert was it?

1:04:10It was Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats at the Starlight in Kansas City. And Hannah Cohen opened and she was fabulous. The Night Sweats? Yes.

1:04:16Trixie Mattel:They call themselves the Night Sweats and there was no sweating. Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats. You guys should collab. You and Nathaniel Rateliff doing a song together would be really funny. You had me at air conditioning. Hello. Nathaniel, the way you will get this crossy down there, if you get the good. Don't say crossy. What? Is that bad? Don't say crossy. Crossy. Crossy Teagan. Don't sing. Don't. Trixie. Yesterday I was with Brittany. and she goes you know I was talking to Trisha the other day and I was like so lost for a couple sentences and I thought she was talking about Trisha Paytas and I was like where is this going because she was talking about it in a familiar way and I don't know Trisha and I was like what the fuck is she talking about and then I was like oh you're talking about Trixie and she was like yeah yeah yeah and I was like Brittany she's my complainer friend I think she and I like came up around the same times and well she's significantly younger than me but and she's significantly more famous than me but we complained together so I call her and I pick up and she's like girl and she's like girl girl and then it's just the the indiana jones like boulder starts rolling up everything that's pissing us off about everybody who you know you know every time she and i hang out it ends with us like holding each other's hands and being like i can't tell you how special it is to know you yeah i can't tell you how lucky i feel to be your friend it gets therapy quick well you know what my hard pitch is here tell me my hard pitch is that me you drew and britney get to do the view yeah you've been pitching this i really think we should just do a live tour together i also would love that and i know the big problem is that all of us are stretched in our own cinematic universes so it's a little bit it's a little bit like justice league we're trying to get batman we're trying to get the flash the wonder woman i'm available i think it'd be so fun i it would be so fun we should just do it we could do something really easy too we could do like two weeks just like four cities weekend whatever call it a day well we're gonna need to stay in a lot of these cities for more than one night i'll tell you that you think why because we're gonna sell the shows Strixie.

1:06:03Trixie Mattel:Oh, we could do Radio City. We could do three Radio Cities. Yeah, we should do a tour. Have you done Radio City? I've not done it. Oh, you should! I was meant to do it this year. I didn't. But then I didn't go on tour. I know you did. It's really crazy what people will turn up for these days. It's nuts. I know. It's nuts. I couldn't... Not good air conditioning, though. In Radio City? That's how they get you. Fuck. Katya had a tirade. Fuck. Afterwards, she called. I'm going to tell everybody. Katya, after the show, was like, oh, it's Radio City, whatever. Oh, my God. It was me, Katia and then Kelly was in our show, Kelly Mantle and we're doing our sound check and we're like Katia and I are so fucking over it all the time it's horrible.

1:06:37Trixie Mattel:You look back on these experiences and you're like, you're such an asshole. Why weren't you beaming? But it's not a good look shut up. And then Kelly comes up to us and goes, oh my god y 'all it's Radio City Music Hall can you believe it? And we both look at her and go oh shut up Kelly shut up no I love Kelly but it was so hot Katia called all the managers, agents everyone into her dressing room, closed the door, and screamed and cried. It was fierce. I love that. And I love when she fricks it out because I'm so used to being the only person who... I never want to be difficult. And so it's like, oh, here's Tracy Martell, that diva barking her orders again.

1:07:14Trixie Mattel:But when Kati gets pissed off, everyone listens. Really? Oh, it's great. Whenever I really need something, I call her and have her ask for it. I really want a big diva moment soon. I want to blow up on my team. I do. I really want to blow up on my team. You have a microphone. They're right here. No, not these guys. It would be really sad to blow up on them. I want to blow up on them. Do you want me to? What? Want me to? Blow up on my team? Yeah, go blow up on them right now. I'm so fucking sick of all of you. Get them. The bullshit. I'm driving all the way out here. Drive down an alley. Bring up the laziness.

1:07:41Trixie Mattel:And this is the laziness. I walk in here. We're in this makeshift studio. That's like what? The set from an Office Max commercial that didn't run? To sit with Miss Thing here. There's no makeup on her legs? What? Why would I have makeup? Why am I a part of it? Just yell at them. Because of the bruises. There's bruises? Well, there's gonna be... Don't, Trixie! Trying to call my manager right now. I want to know what the biggest diva moment I've had is. She's not answering. Tova Silberman. Hi, this is Tova Silberman. I'm unable to... Completely unprofessional? That's really... It's like when Valerie Cherish calls CAA and she can only get a hold of the assistant.

1:08:15Wait, hold on. I got a voicemail.

1:08:20Oh, wait. Wait, Trixie, this is crazy. they were trying to call me during this episode what is going on we'll find out later don't worry about it i want to know what my biggest diva moment was guys what's been my biggest diva moment i've never had a diva moment you have yes you have how you have to have had one no can i tell

1:08:38Trixie Mattel:you when i think i've had a diva moment i call everyone apologizing and they're all like girl that was that was not a diva moment really you gotta understand i work in drag yeah the bar for being a decent human being is in the basement. It's in hell. So as long as I say, fuck you all, please. Like, it's fine. Yeah. You know? I hate all you bitches. Love you. I don't think I've had a big one. I have little ones, mostly around impatience, and I'm working on my impatience. I don't think I've had, like, a huge one. There's not been something that I've needed to, like, call everybody and apologize for yet.

1:09:07Or maybe I should have. I don't think so. Guys, what's my biggest diva moment? The only one that comes to mind for me is, and it is a small one, and it was pretty justified. I forget what city we were on tour. It was in the latter half of the tour. We were all very tired. You were dealing with a leg injury or something. I did. I fucked up my foot.

1:09:24Trixie Mattel:He's pretending he doesn't remember it, but all these details. Yeah, all these details. He's like, I don't know. I could think of maybe one. What would I do? We were in the rental car. We'd had a rough flight. We'd had a rough process of getting the rental car. They took forever. You were really upset. And when we pulled up to the valet for the hotel, you took the keys and threw them at me and then went straight into the hotel to your room. and didn't say a word. I did not throw that. You didn't like chuck them, but you like tossed them at me and then just went straight into the hotel. I think I tossed them to you.

1:09:54Trixie Mattel:I know I didn't throw them at you. I've never done something like that. I'm serious. I never have. I think I threw them to you. But yeah, that was, that was, I actually do apologize. I'll tell you my horrible day. My ultimate meltdown was, it was at the Critics' Choice Awards and I got nominated for my little special and all the other specials were like real specials. Peacock, Netflix, and mine was self-produced. So I already was like, oh my god and he knew i was gonna lose because it was against bo burnham inside he deserved the win of course but i couldn't believe i got invited so i go and i'm standing there and it took so long to get there and i had to shoot all day at uh at world of wonder i had to shoot all day in drag and then go straight to the red carpet which was fucking bogus looking back i should just canceled what are they gonna do shoot me but so i so i get there and i'm in the back of this line waiting and other people's publicists keep cutting the line and i'm waiting and i'm waiting i'm waiting and then i can't get up to the front of the line this other publicist comes up and she goes oh my God, Trixie, I tried to represent you.

1:10:48Trixie Mattel:And I go, yeah, I like the people I'm with. And she goes, well, if you were my client, you wouldn't be in the back of this line right now. Period, bitch. And I go, oh, is that what you do? You go to the back of the line and try to harass the least famous people here to drum up business? Honestly, though, that's a great pitch. You're my client. You wouldn't be standing here looking like a fool. I did say that. And she goes, I don't have to drum up business. And then her two A-list clients come grab her on each arm and they walk to the front. So then I keep waiting. And I keep waiting. I get to the front of the line.

1:11:12Trixie Mattel:And the most famous people show up last. So they're all cutting last. So I'm still waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting. I get up to the front of the line. It's Will Smith. It's Kristen Stewart. It's everyone. And then they close the red carpet, turn off the lights. And so then I go, okay, I guess I'll go inside. Didn't even get a picture in the dress. I go inside to the cocktail hour. They close the cocktail hour. That made me want to cry, Trixie. That was a really sad story. And then Matt and Bowen go, you want to come in and sit with us? And I go, I don't have a ticket because I'm not with the network and the tickets were$1 ,200 a piece.

1:11:38Trixie Mattel:So I didn't buy one. So then I just went home in the Uber. and I sat on the couch and watched myself lose in drag. But I rode the whole way home, and I can't sit in a car normal, so in drag I sat like this on the floor the whole ride home. But the moral of the story is when I'm really upset, I don't blow up, I say nothing. Trixie, that's the saddest story I've ever heard. And the person I was in the car with later said, I knew you were upset because whenever you're really upset, you say absolutely nothing. And that's like chilling because you're always talking. You say it best when you say nothing at all.

1:12:09But you know what though? This is also, I'm playing the blame game.

1:12:11Trixie Mattel:Why don't you get there early enough? Why don't you cancel your day shoot? Why don't you? There's a lot of why don't you that I should. Why don't you get a ticket? I know it was$1 ,200, but why didn't I buy one? Just buy the ticket to go into the award show. Absolutely. There's a million things you could have done differently. Why are they charging nominees? But the picture of you standing in the line when they shut the lights off and closed down the carpet in drag is so deeply sad. It makes my heart ache. It was crazy. I begged one of them to turn the lights back on, and the person I was with took an iPhone picture.

1:12:38Trixie Mattel:That was my picture from the Critics' Choice Awards. Trixie. Well, what's so true to you?

1:12:49Trixie Mattel:I might have said this last time, but I feel really strongly about it. Still do it. Who cares? This rigmarole surrounding people's biggest fear on an airplane is that they're going to have to check their bag. Just check the fucking bag. Disagree. And if you are in group K, why are you standing right at the mouth of where we're getting on the plane. This is real. Why are you standing up there? You know you're not boarding yet. It's not time yet. Yeah. Even if you're standing in the front. Yeah. Until that fucking sign says group seven, you are just a statue collecting pigeon shit. Yeah. And you're in Trixie's way.

1:13:26Trixie Mattel:It's like they're standing there like on your marks. Like shut up. We're not going anywhere. Yeah. It drives me insane. And then I'm not even saying it's because I'm obviously group one, but it's not even about that it's not about that you're blocking the old people yeah the infants the toddlers with uh the wheelchairs military service members pilots anybody who's getting on before you is having to hunger games like sidestep around you because you are standing there like if you don't get on this plane and if they have to put your bag on a blue tag or whatever that you're gonna off yourself yeah it's so extreme i am gonna off myself do not check my bag just i want that fucking bag with me just sit down until they say group l yeah that's all you have to do yeah i just think it's crazy i think you're right i agree with you people waiting at the front when they're in a very late group that's annoying i am gonna put my bag on the plane i packed in a very specific way for a reason and i don't trust them they'll lose my shit i want my stuff do you take a carry-on to your gigs and you don't bring a check bag no i don't check a bag i guess for me it's because of drag i have no option to ever not check a bag yeah you don't so maybe for me i'm like this is so stupid i've gone to europe for three weeks with only carry-ons i'm very serious about the carry-on this trip i had to have a big check bag and i i asked michelle to bring it with her and she will be taking it home i can't i do not want to travel with a check bag waiting a baggage claim to me feels like torture my partner travels with like in his bag like the toothbrush the phone charger the pajamas just just in case yeah which i do think is smart because i don't do that well your medications you should anything that you need anything you know you need you should never check but i don't check anything i take two carry-ons i take my away suitcase they've never paid me a dime they will not give me anything free away go ahead and do something they want you to go away they want me to go away they're like don't talk about our brand you're bad for business and then i have like a backpack with like my laptop and books and stuff and that's it do you buy into the propaganda of these weekender bags that have like kind of like mine where they have like you're meant to be able to put a pair of shoes in the bottom a change of outfit like a A bag like that where you don't have to – I just always need a rolling suitcase.

1:15:32Trixie Mattel:You're right at the airport with a bag with a strap. It's annoying. I have a garment bag that's really great that's a garment bag that rolls up into a duffel. That thing is chic. It's fierce. When I need to bring dress clothes – That's pretty cool. You can put shoes and underwear and everything. It has side pockets. It has a laptop thing on the back. You don't have to steam. It's sick. You don't have to steam, do you? You still have to steam. It gets pretty rolled up. It's pretty cool, though. I think – I mean, I always travel with – because we have to travel with like three bags of drag at least.

1:15:56Trixie Mattel:Three huge rolling suitcases of drag. Like, sometimes the guitar. Always I have to DJ, so I'm always bringing my computer, DJ, like, at least some small DJ equipment. So I just have never, I've never been able to pack light in my whole life. Yeah. It's never happened for me. It's not for you. It's not going to happen for you. That's not your journey. And I can only do a backpack. If I do anything else, it's getting left. Yeah. I travel sometimes with some of my little synthesizers and stuff. Forget it. Just forget it. I always forget it. If I put the computer, the iPad in the pocket, it's gone forever.

1:16:24Trixie Mattel:I've lost so many iPads on Delta. What? Just get it. Get out of the box. Charge it. Download some porn. Leave it. Surprise. Twixie. Do you watch porn? Do I watch porn? Very rarely. I've been off porn for like a few years. I'd say I watch porn like once a month maybe. I pivoted to, again, living in the moment. If I want sex, let's do sex. Say that. Let's do sex. Say that. We don't have to do total recall. We don't have to do FaceTime. You know. Also, I don't want to watch those guys have sex. I was hoping to do it. The jerking off iPad baby. You know what I mean? What? Like, you have the phone.

1:17:10Trixie Mattel:It's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. Yeah, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that at all. You're not doing phone porn? Like, once a month, I might watch porn, if even. I'm not. Also, you can't watch it in Missouri anymore. They banned all the good sites. I've watched so much phone porn that when I do watch it on a bigger screen, I'm like, everything's too big. It's too much to overstimulate. Absolutely. Yeah, you get scared. It's like I'm at the Wizard of Oz at the Dome. It's too much. It's too much. We're not supposed to... Wait, I've never been to the Dome to see those big movies, but I think it'd be really overwhelming.

1:17:43I would like to see something. I would like to see a movie in the Dome and not a concert.

1:17:45Trixie Mattel:What would you see? If you could go to the Dome and let's say you could pick the movie in your mind and just snap your fingers and it would be that movie, what movie would you want to see in the Dome? Gorgeous Bastards. holy shit holy shit I want to be in there is that the one with the Nazis yes is it Tarantino film right it is I have seen this it's really good it is good sorry it's Tova my manager hey what's going on brother hi how are you hey I'm sorry I know you guys tried to call to talk about actual work I'm on the pod with Trixie Mattel right now hi hi Todd Hi. Trixie says hi. I just wanted to know, what do you guys think my biggest diva moment has been in the years that we've worked together?

1:18:29Oh, my God. Where to begin? That's such a good question.

1:18:32Trixie Mattel:Where to begin? Where to begin? Where to begin? Perfect. I don't know. There's no diva moments. Olivia. Come on. You guys know I've had one. What is it? Hold on. Trixie wants to talk. Okay. Obviously, that's your client, so you can't tell him. But it's just me and you talking now. Okay. So it's us. So what's the tea? Oh, my God. I'm really trying to think. They're so stressed. They're stressed the fuck out right now. One time I was on a pod with him and he called his manager in the middle of it. That was kind of rude. That wasn't rude. That was for content, Trixie. That wasn't rude. Olivia's sweating.

1:19:05Trixie Mattel:They love you. All right, hang up on them. The center of attention. Hang up on them. All right, well, thanks for the input. Bye. Hey, girls. Refusing to answer. Hang up on them. They get paid so much money to not even give me a good clip. Is this a Galaxy Note? This is a, it's a Galaxy, what is it, a Galaxy Pixel, or is it Google Pixel? Oh, it's Google Pixel. Do you love? Yeah. They're amazing. I did a little thing for Google Pixel, and I got to use the phone for the commercials. Yeah. That is an amazing phone. They need to stop putting all the fucking AI in it, but I like the phone other than that.

1:19:33Trixie Mattel:The Pixel 9, I think I had. The camera. They're calling me back? They have an idea. Wait, did you guys think of something? I thought of it.

1:19:45In unison, we thought of it. All right, what is it? You didn't want to go to the Oscars. Oh. Are you guys nervous about me putting that out in public? No. Absolutely. Ask Brad and Lindsay. That's not what we're here for. They said ask your publicist. All right. Love you guys. Bye.

1:20:02Trixie Mattel:No, you know, I'm - I got invited to the Oscars and I refuse to go. I'm pro-award show, but I think it's okay. Like my Critics' Choice story, it's okay to admit that going to them is, it's a Tetris. It's a lot. I just don't have interest. I don't like award shows. I'm not interested in them. I don't care about them. I don't care who won. I don't want to be there. I feel that way about a lot of them and premieres. because to me, if I'm going to go to a premiere, I'm being invited to go in drag. Yeah. Me sitting in a movie theater in drag. In the dark. I only did it for Barbie. In the dark, yeah.

1:20:29Trixie Mattel:And they put me... You in drag in the dark. Because of my hair. No, literally. Literally. No, literally. Literally. I've gone to them. When I go to them out of drag, I get treated like, why are you here? And when I go in drag, I get treated like, rightfully so, a huge obstruction. Yeah. 10 foot wig and Barbie tiny and 90 pound Hollywood people. And I'm like, excuse me, excuse me. Is this me? Is this me here? Okay. Get out of here. Large Simpson wig and like linebacker shoulders. And, um, I went to Barbie in drag and they put me and I was, they put me in the ADA section, which was, which was smart.

1:21:11Appropriate. Yeah.

1:21:12Trixie Mattel:I was in the ADA section, which was the best choice for somebody dressed like big bird. Yeah. You needed to be in your own zone where you could have some space. Because I get really insecure about, I turn around to the people behind me and say, sorry. Brittany and I went to, we were doing that cover shoot for Hollywood Reporter for YouTube. And Brittany and I were like, all right, we got tickets to Little Shop of Horrors right after this. What was the piece? It was like how YouTube is like, it was like about like top YouTube creators. Oh, and they picked you guys. We don't know why. Yeah. Diversity hires.

1:21:42Yeah.

1:21:43Trixie Mattel:Brittany needed a woman and they need Brittany, a gay guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Brittany and I had to go straight to Little Shop of Horrors, and I thought I would have time to get out of drag. And I'm in an off-Broadway theater, which, as you know, is TSA. It's like small. So I'm sitting like this because I have three wigs on. I feel so bad. That girl from that movie Divergent, I forget what her name is, she's sitting behind me, and I'm going, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. And she was a fan, so she was nice about it. But no matter how much a fan you are, you can't see through my head. Yeah, you like to see the show.

1:22:16Trixie Mattel:So I had to watch the whole show. Like, do you know what would be a gag? Next time you have to go to an event and they want you in drag, you should wear a huge wig that has a hollowed out window. Oh, so people can see through it. That's a great gag. It should be like the back of the Delta seat. Yes. Where you could plug headphones in and you charge your phone. Yes. That's amazing. And it's just a, it's a simulation flight tracker. Yes. And I'm crying. And they can watch it. You're crying. Yeah. I really want to see Rocky Horror. Well, right now you need to play a game. Okay. I can't talk to you about Rocky Horror right now.

1:22:46You ready? I'm going to read you 15 statements, Trixie. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false. If you get 10 or more correct, we're going to give you 50 US dollars. And I know that we will.

1:22:56Trixie Mattel:Am I still the only guest that wanted the money? Yes. I'm going to pronounce these first ones wrong, I think. But Beta is the capital of Libya? Wrong. False. It's Tripoli. The first Star Wars movie was released in theaters in 1975. False. False. It's 1977. A mile is 1 ,600 meters.

1:23:19False. It's true. Fuck! Angela Lansbury was born at sea on a British naval ship.

1:23:24Trixie Mattel:That's actually true. False. It was London. Fuck! Wisconsin state motto is forward.

1:23:32Trixie Mattel:That makes me so embarrassed that I don't know. True. It's true. Yes! Exxon Mobil has the most gas station locations in the U.S. false false it's shell ha puffins meat for life like the cereal no oh it's a bird some sort of penguin uh they don't it's true fuck only 3 % of the water on earth is fresh water that's true that is true Barnes and Noble was founded in 1873

1:24:10Trixie Mattel:that's true that is true ah UW Milwaukee's mascot is Perry Panther. It's true. False. Pounce Panther. Fuck off. Like I ever went to a sporting event in my 16 years I spent getting an undergrad there. I had part-time jobs. Am I being punished? The humorous bone is in the leg. It's true. False. It's the arm. The Minnesota Vikings have never won the Super Bowl. That's true. That is true. Grizzly Bears can run at speeds up to 35 miles per hour. How many do I have to get? Like 10. I'm getting this money. Grizzly bears can run at speeds up to 35 miles per hour. False. They can go faster than that. It's true.

1:24:52There are no Walmarts in Hawaii. True. False.

1:24:58Trixie Mattel:I, I'm getting so pissed off right now. Wizard of Oz had its world premiere in Green Bay, Wisconsin. False. It's true. What? You are not telling the truth. How'd she do? Seven. Seven. I counted seven. Okay, well, fuck my money then. What do I pay you? I don't want to see it. Yes. And the rate's a lot higher than 50. Has anybody else ever won? It's based on income. Oh, yeah, plenty of people have won. Didn't Lizzo win? What?

1:25:31Lizzo's not been on the show.

1:25:33Trixie Mattel:Trixie. Wait, no, no, no. I did some kind of press piece once that was like, name that tune, and the two people that won was me and Lizzo. different thing. Different thing. Do you think of Lizzo? People always mix us up. You and Lizzo? Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. You guys have a lot in common. Do you think in Australia they say Lizzoar? Yes. Lizzoar? I love Lizzoar. Joris. Hey song Joris. Good as hell. Do they love you in Australia? Don't know. Australians, if you're here, shout me out in the comments. You've never been to Australia? No. Too far. If they would put it somewhere else, I'd go. They love comedy and they love gay people.

1:26:05I don't care what they love. They need to love being closer to the US. I'm not taking that flight. Do you go to the UK?

1:26:10Trixie Mattel:Yes. I guess I'm just trying to think of like, because your content is all in the English language, I bet maybe similar to Kati Knight, you do well in a lot of the English speaking areas. I do very well in the UK and it's a six hour flight from the US, which is very appropriate. And I love the UK. Those bitches can take a joke, any kind of joke. They're cool. I really love British audiences. That's incredible. I'm actually filming my first British TV show soon. Fierce. I can't talk about it, but I am excited. Then why'd you bring it up? Because I wanted to brag, but I didn't have the ability to share the full details.

1:26:38I'm really proud of myself because I've worked very hard to get to where I am in life. And I wanted to share it with my friend, a dear friend who I love very much.

1:26:43Trixie Mattel:I know I'm Wisconsin because you just said brag. Brag? Brig? It should be break. Brig? It should be break. We got to go, Trixie. I love you so much. Thank you for doing this. Thank you so much. I guess since I didn't win any money, I'll just go gas up my car and make the trip back to Hollywood. You are so annoying. Next time I think if we could get an Uber helicopter to me. Do you want to tell people where they can find you? Maybe we can get some views on your stuff finally? That would be great. I'm at Trixie on everything, including YouTube, TikTok, everything. I'm not at Trixie on Instagram.

1:27:13Trixie Mattel:Somebody who owns that, I think it's a fake account, and I tried to get it from them. They said they wanted$60 ,000. You have that. Yeah, but at what cost? $60 ,000. Because I want to be at Trixie on everything. It bothers me that there's one platform where I'm at Trixie Mattel. Yeah, it's okay, though. I think you're doing well. It's okay. What else do I have to plug? When does this come out? Oh, we don't know. We don't know. Could be any time. Potentially September 3rd, but don't hold us to that. Okay, it's a little early, but I have a Halloween EP coming out called Till Death Do Us Part. Huge.

1:27:44Trixie Mattel:And I have a Halloween special I'm doing. Oh my God. Fun. I love that. I love Halloween. Love spooky stuff. I'm doing another special. Love it. I might have to call you out for a little bit part. Easy. And it would be a voice note only. You wouldn't have to do anything. It's done. All my friends are drag queens, so I have to make up roles for them, but they don't have to put on any makeup or wigs. Yeah. Because the one thing drag queens hate, ironically, is getting in drag. Doing drag. I feel bad saying that here, but not in drag. Of course. Next time you come on the show, I'm sure you'll come in drag.

1:28:11Trixie Mattel:I will. Will you wear those shoes? Not if you don't want me to. It's bold of you to wear them and then be like a natural leg crosser, like all horde out like this. These shoes are cute. People are going to like these shoes, and you're going to get a lot of hate for hating on these. I think the lesbian osteo... You're wearing plain white Air Force as if you're some kind of fashion. These are fashion. Those are for lesbian osteopaths. And that is me, Trixie. You are a strict shift manager at... Cut the cameras. Cut, we're done. Apple Pay is the simple, secure, and fast way to pay. That's because your credit or debit card is right on your iPhone.

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