Zach Zimmerman is Not Evil

32:34just be zachary just be zach oh yeah she fought for me also came to school and had me removed when condoms were discussed in sex ed which did lead to me using saran wrap once in an early sexual encounter but which works it i don't have a child yeah i don't know i am not father i don't know if it's my poor sperm or the the clinging power of saran wrap hard to say you know they a sponsor uh saran wrap yes good good yeah they run two million of ads on here yeah this you're doing well yeah saran runs two million of ads on here this is you've really this you like the new studio i love it we have much to do but we're we're really getting there everyone's working very hard on it i i the pod is great you may i praise you uh briefly and we might cut it does it make you uncomfortable you've just you're a good egg who's building something really special and doing it your way and bringing people up with you.

33:30And I don't think you're evil. Why was there a question mark on it? Just playful. Yeah, okay. Just being a little playful. I was giving room for a further bit, but I like that. Yeah, okay, that's nice. Everyone has a little evil. Yeah, I clocked myself at like 3%. I went on a date with someone who said 60%. Them? They said 60 % for them? Whoa. She. Yeah, I said they. Did you like that? That was nice. Yeah, but she. Yeah. But I left a really open door there. Wasn't that nice? Open door. And I let you know what's inside the door. Yeah. Behind door number one. Was she? A woman. Open the door? She.

34:06She. It's three doors. Your children listeners won't know this. The Monty Hall problem. It was on Let's Make a Deal. There were three doors. Yeah. And you would open. You pick a door to win a prize. And then he opens up one of the other doors. Let's you know it's not the prize. And then you can either switch or stay. Yeah. What do you think gives you the best odds? Just stay. Exactly. Yeah. No. Switch. Whoa. The door you picked has a one in three chance. The door that you didn't pick has a two out of three chance. Whoa. Because. I said so. Something math. It's mathy. Yeah. Because Monty opening a door, he knew which didn't.

34:46There was more information. It's not just 50-50. Yeah. There's extra information. All of which is to say there's three doors and behind one's a she, one's a he, one's a they. Yeah. The three genders. Kind of a fun way to date. Yeah. A Doors-based dating system. Door-based dating system. Doors-based dating. We're going to start a dating app called Doors. Doors. I do think dating apps should have videos. Either we should do a Love is Blind dating app where you don't get to see the person. Not interesting. You only connect. Okay. Superficial Sally. No, I just think it's important to see someone. I like to see someone's eyes.

35:19I like to see someone's vibe. I like to see the pictures they choose. That's interesting. I think we should do a little video then. yeah i think videos should normalize video hinge has video i also like the voice note oh voice i know voice is fun oh you get so much information from voice voice is good more than pictures even i think for sure you get like pacing tone personality yeah you can fall in love with the voice oh for sure hashtag love is blind her love is blind is her joaquin did this i know joaquin did this everybody now erotica's on ai now yeah i don't like it we're not leaving the house i am you can just on grinder get all the pictures you need from every angle and then just talk to the ai bot i like grinder but i i yeah the point is to i enjoy grinder i actually i frequently have like pretty fun conversations on grinder i'm like if people are willing yeah i'll chit chat on there sometimes if you deviate from the hey hey what's up sup what are you into what are you into you're seeing like a freak for sure and i get that sometimes you're so horny that you can't entertain like a whimsical little combo.

36:23Been there, been that. What do you think about a bar that lets everyone know how horny you are? Sort of mental state. I think that would be really good. I think that should be on Slack. That should be on every application. Hey, does anyone know the status of this report? Someone reach out to Susan. Ooh, she's at a nine. She's really horny. She's rubbing against her desk right now. Let's give her a minute. They should have it on DoorDash. Like, hey, your driver's really horny. honestly I've had some cute DoorDash drivers that I've been like if I knew I would I'd let you in I've had a UPS or two that there's a vibe never sealed the deal I haven't either never with a delivery driver there was one TaskRabbit once I didn't sleep with him but there was a TaskRabbit that I'm like if I wanted it it's on you know what they say about rabbits they fuck like rabbits they made for life no they have so much sex They fuck a lot, yeah.

37:20They're gay. They make, yeah, they're... Rabbits made for life. They're made for life. And they don't get ulcers. What? I don't know. Is that true? Zebras don't. Oh, my God. Because they don't worry because they're animals. Yeah. We worry. We do. As humans. What are you unworried about? What's making you happy? What are you looking forward to? Oh, my God. I'm going to go on a fall foilage cruise. Fun. It's like a four-hour. It was recommended by another comedian, and it's going to be so nice this weekend. You just look at all the trees. There's beers, but I think I'll just have a coffee. And just nature.

37:54We forget about nature. We as in I. We as in me specifically. Me specifically. You forget. You think like, oh, there's nothing here. And it's like, no, there's everything. Where's the tour? It goes up the Hudson, up the Hudson. Fun. I said that twice to make sure. Just to make sure that it's up the Hudson? Yeah. I think it goes up the Hudson. I'm looking forward to that. And then I'm scheming. I am not going home for Thanksgiving this year. Really? Because it's a Trump dinner this year. Because my sister is going with her husband and her kids to Guatemala to visit his family. And then my other sister and I were like, this drops our numbers.

38:34It'd be like six of us and four Trumpers and just me and my sister. And I was like, I don't know if I want to go through that. Yeah, don't do it. Yeah, so big old boundary. So I'm figuring out what I'm going to do. Yeah, these things are supposed to be fun. Yeah. Yeah, you don't have to do things you're not excited about. Has anyone seen this TikTok of the guy who says an alien's in his body and then a kid is like, what do I need to know? And he's like, I've told you everything you need to know. Do what excites you to the best of your ability with no expectation of the outcome. Missed this one.

39:03I missed this one. Oh. I haven't seen this one. I'll do it a couple more times. Yeah, run it by me. Just let's make sure we got it. Yeah. But it seems so silly. Do what excites you is such a simple idea, but for so much of my life and often for people you're doing what you think you're supposed to do to be a good son or a good employee or a good community member it's like do what is exciting to you because that is infectious and it gets everyone excited and then we're changing the world with excitement yeah yes mostly no oh no I come up with a problem with it because I have said that the world would just be a much better place if everyone yeah did what made them happy if everyone truly just focused on what made them happy that actually, we talk about this sometimes in the tenant union, that like, acting in your self-interest will actually most of the time benefit everybody.

39:52When you're talking to working people, when you're talking to billionaires, you obviously can't talk like that. But that's the issue, is when you say, do the thing that would make you excited, some people are excited by being mean and bad. Unfortunately. And I think it's a small number, but that's why it can't be a universal maxim because even though most of us are excited by good and kindness and happiness and joy, there are some people who are excited by nastiness and that's it's tough it's yeah you forget those people exist or i forget that they exist i think they're like over there on the tv or doing awful things in in other cities but it's like oh no they're your mom yeah they're your friend yeah or could be they're yeah they're around and it's it's or they're you on a really really really bad day.

40:36Yeah. Like we all have the capacity for great good and great evil and what makes choosing good powerful is that you reject the evil. Yeah. Do we all have the capacity for great evil?

40:54There's two buttons before you. You're going with that one? No. Already? I'm pointing them out. One kills a man. And one gives you one billion dollars to invest in changing the world. I don't know if this is good or not. So far it seems only really clear cut. You could save a malaria net cost$23 and you could save a million lives. Somebody do the math. Or you kill this one guy. I don't think you got the dilemma right because the question is there's a train the train is the train is going 60 miles an hour right and it leaves new brunswick there's an old lady in the boat right and there's a uh doctor in the boat the but the moral dilemma you posed was there's two buttons one kills one guy and one saves a bunch of lives so what are you gonna do save a bunch of lives well it's money okay why would i do something evil you would kill someone for a billion dollars no you didn't present the buttons right is what i'm telling you you know you're not presenting the problem you think you're presenting present it you said this problem kills them this button kills a man yeah and this button gives you one billion dollars that's not a moral dilemma i was trying to make you take the money right and i knew i needed to say something good to get you to take the money yeah but taking the money is not anywhere equivalent to killing a man that's not the evil what are you gonna do what do you kill the man wait i feel crazy what are you talking about Are you doing a bit right now?

42:30Oh, no. Do it now. No, I'm so sorry. I'm like, Zach, you have not set up a dilemma. I'm crying. No, it's the same button. Okay. One button. There's one button. For a moment, I felt hot. You're welcome. I've been gaslit into... There was always one button, Caleb. What are you talking about? Yeah, yeah. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands you need From athletic stuff, like a full-court pickup game Swish! To athletic stuff, like a half-mile stroll Get those steps in! And for morning hikes up the mountain trail Good pace! To nighttime ghost stories from the camping chair What a twist!

43:17Whatever level of active, Sierra loves it all Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want At the prices that let you do it all From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. Okay, so what are the buttons? There have to be two buttons because a choice has to exist. No, there's one button. You either press it or not. Okay, so that's the choice. Okay, so there's one button. One button kills a man, but you get a billion dollars. No, I would not take that button. But you're going to save millions of lives with your billion. I wouldn't take that button. Okay, then you're good, I guess. I really don't think I would take that button.

43:46I don't think I would. It really depends. You don't think you have evil in you? I think I have evil in me. I think everyone has. I don't know about evil. You don't think you're capable of great evil? Great. Specifically, the great is the thing. Oh, right. And I'm not even asking about myself. I'm asking, do we think everyone has the capacity for great evil? Well, absolute power corrupts absolutely. Do you think if you had complete and total power, you were a billionaire, you could never be tried for a crime? Are you doing only good things? Oh, I think so. Yeah, but I guess I don't know because it hasn't happened to me.

44:13Have you seen Sorry to Bother You? No. Was that Boots Riley who did that? Yeah. Yeah. It's sort of the, he's a, well, go watch it. Just the idea of we all think at this level we will break down the system when we get there. But if you get access to power, do you tear things up from the inside or do you enjoy your access to power? I've had very, very micro experiences of this that are nowhere compared to what we're talking about. Just this week, I was having a crash out to Chance, actually, and a couple other people, about some of the money that we're getting offered at this juncture and who it comes from.

44:52And the money is, it was like a little crazy last year. Like there would be like an amount of money that you're like, yeah, that would be a lot of money. And this year it has been, obviously we'll talk about it off mic. There's reasons I can't talk about it. Sorry, guys. But the specifics of it are like. Saran wrap. It's saran wrap. It's a lot of money. But like a thing that I think is not objectively evil. But like I really don't agree with it and I have concerns about it. Anyway, anyway, there's this very small problem of an ethical dilemma that I've been in this year that has really been tearing me up.

45:22and it's hard because I do good things with my money. Right, right. And so I do go like, oh man, if I took that, I could donate this much to this group and I could take care of this person who needs help. But then also part of the agreement is that I would have to sit here in this chair and tell the people who listen to me to endorse a thing that I don't believe in. Gotcha, gotcha. So it's a very small version, but it's like, yeah, it's a new thing. I mean, is ICE that bad? That's the thing is I'm wanting to run ads for ICE. I want to, but I'm trying to get the number up. I guess to me, the line from small evil to great evil is just like the amount of power that you have.

45:57Right. Like if you're willing to make the evil choice on a micro scale, like you'll do the same. Like the extra money isn't going to, and access to things isn't going to make you a better person. But I think that spectrum is definitional because I think when you're doing small acts of bad, I wouldn't call it evil. Oh. You know what I'm saying? What would you call it? Like a little naughty? Like it's like silly. Silly little girl. I don't know. I don't know. Anyway. Great evil. Look at me. Why would I say that? The button dilemma is one of the funniest things. The button dilemma is really cracking me up still because I'm like.

46:32I can't believe you. Maybe it's the me. I was messing up the meme. There's a meme where there's two buttons. Yeah. And he's sweating, but they're actually the same choice or the obvious choice. I was confusing that with the box with the button. I understand exactly what you mean. Yes. that there's a box with a button. All you have to do is open it and push it and one thing happens or it doesn't. Hey, I was wrong. It's really funny. I've also done, it's like when I try to do, like sometimes when I try to do like spur of the moment, like the moral problems like that, I do get in my head where I'm like, it's like the train is leaving and there's an older woman, but there's a younger person and you press or don't press.

47:10By the way, someone's wearing a white coat off to the side. Oh, interesting. I get them all mixed up sometimes and I'm like, I don't know. I just, I basically get down to being like, what's the white coat guy doing? Are you good or bad? That's what I want to ask. Yeah. And will a bad person say they're bad or will a bad person say they're good? I think it depends. I think some bad people genuinely say they're bad. There's a troll who can never tell a lie. One more time? There's a troll who can never tell a lie. A third time just to make sure we have it? You got it. I'm being mocked. I'm being – I do think my – I do like great evil and great good.

47:44I like big stories from growing up Christian. Like I love God and Satan, these ideas of great evil and great good. I love Lord of the Rings, like Sauron. I love a good villain. Yeah. I just didn't realize they were right there in my life the whole time. Yeah. Also, hot take on God. Say it. You know I love this. I reread Herman Hesse's Damien recently, which comes for the Cain story, saying like, oh, how did that come about? Like maybe actually Cain was a really powerful guy people were afraid of. And so they said they had the mark of Cain, and that's why people vilified him. And I was like, okay, let me do this with another myth.

48:20God and Jesus. Okay. How is it such an act of love to kill your son? Yeah, this doesn't really feel like an act of love. Seems like killing, sacrificing yourself would be an act of love to save your son. And so God and Jesus, to me, feel like very different ideas of how to exist in the world. Jesus preached love and acceptance and inclusion in the Gospel of Thomas, which was discovered at the Nakamadi Library, but not kept in the Bible that we know and love, was about how there's a divine light within us all, not just with Jesus. And Jesus being God was later, too. And so God is this, like, angry, toxic guy who picks favorites, Cain and Abel.

49:04God, to me, is the original narcissist. People like this version better, yes, of course. And so, yeah, people are drawn to God is evil. Jesus was good. Nobody wants to be Jesus and everyone thinks they're God. Because Jesus is harder. Yeah, being Jesus sucks. You get sent to die. Yes. And you have to be doing that, willing to preach that people are good. Yeah. The people that believe to come back to end Frank Jesus and Zach, the people... Can I slip myself in there? Yeah, you can. Marianne Williamson. Is she allowed to get in there? people that are preaching good oh she's still alive yeah people that are they haven't got her people that are preaching the importance of love and acceptance and inclusion are people come for them yeah god yeah so that's my hot take on god and jesus that i'm still mulling over i think that makes a lot of sense i like that take i like thinking about that the difference between the two just pokes a little hole in it and jesus being like why did you forsake me god that feels kind of important yeah like we're kind of we put that in there we're kind of overlooking it yeah so maybe jesus wasn't god yeah i don't think he was yeah okay maybe there is no god you think is that where you're at with it oh i did listen to a clip of yours about this i'm i'm i'm not uh like evangelically atheist i've surrendered to i surrender to the universe i think god is the dead name of the universe we say universe now and just like hey there's vibes out there there are things in this world beyond my comprehension and control and if i put out good vibes i've noticed synchronicities happen i can think of a friend right now claire and i bet i look at my phone after this and she's texted me and you think like oh that was random it's like maybe it wasn't random yeah maybe like you thought of her for some special reason or so i'm i'm thinking of a i'm thinking of a hot sweet man in his 30s that loves his family and has a good job I bet he texts me right after this.

51:10Open your eyes, sweetheart. Man? Gender queer these days. That's what I thought. Yeah, I was going to say. Let's be careful. You put me on Transwatch a few months ago. I put you on Transwatch and I let you know. I have a couple of watch lists in my life. It just makes, as a gender queer bisexual, people have to love me. I just moved a friend from depression watch to lesbian watch. You? I moved her over. Oh, a friend. Yeah. Oh, a lot of overlap. Yeah. I thought maybe she was giving signs of depression when I was checking in. It's actually just lesbianism. Well, I think she, yeah, it might be. We're going to find out.

51:38Oh, that's exciting. We're going to find out, but I've moved her. She's on a new watch list. Adelaide, thank you for clocking my own misgendering of myself. That was beautiful. I was just checking in. Yeah. Happy to know. Yeah. I haven't, I don't, why would anyone want to be a part of, no offense, the toxic legacy of masculinity? That's how I know I'm a man is I'm like, I would not be over here if I had any other. Oh, that's interesting. Right, right, right. You think I'm not humiliated to be a part of the team? This is a humiliating team to be a part of. You guys have done some, tell a man, no, get ready for a show.

52:08That was rude. One of the funniest things you've done in recent memory is that you, I don't know if you will fall in love. Because it's not a drag, but it is an observation. One of the funniest things you've done is come into this podcast and say, I had a transformative summer that I refused to talk about. And it put pieces together in a way that I didn't know was still possible. and then to continue to reference it throughout the episode is a legitimately hilarious bit to be like I had a transformative summer that changed the way I think about what I'm capable of and I don't want to talk about it and I want to do this because I think this is actually a really brilliant and captivating thing to do and I mean that I didn't mean it as a bit but you're right it is quite a funny bit I can feel what's actually happening is that you want to talk about things that you know you shouldn't and I do that sometimes where I'm like I'm not going to talk about this but if I was just know yes oh my god well yeah yeah but it's my own i have healing to do around it and i want to be really intentional about the words i do use when i am ready to talk about i'm supporting the boundary it feels very like i'm yeah on like a talk show and they're trying to get me i'm like i'm not ready to talk about it and i'm not but also i brought it up that's the funny part i'm supporting the boundary fully i will not i will not go into it but i do think i do her name was susan when his name was cory here's a question for you because you're this is kind of on on that topic you're somebody who talks about a lot of personal stuff on stage and you're very incisive on stage you're very insightful you have what i think to be a really beautiful mix of uh funny first and foremost thank god but then also like actually insightful interesting important things to say about the world we live in and the way we exist in it how do you decide when something raw that did actually affect you is like ready to go to stage i i don't know you don't know it's a great i think my my i err on the side of real time share how my day went and that part of that i think is the charge of the comedian like hey tell me about your day you're sacrificing your personal privacy so that we can all have a laugh or gain some beautiful insight but i think i need to learn some boundaries around what I keep for myself, what I don't, how soon, how raw.

54:22I think like some space is nice. I think John Marco said about mentioning his girlfriend in material that like the thing has to be resolved. Yeah. Like it can't be live. Yeah. And so maybe that's the move. And also I've learned to add a little space because I did tweet like, uh like yeah i can't wait me when i don't want to do the thing yeah and when i went on john marco's podcast the producer found that tweet like the day i was going on the podcast where i replied to an email like yeah i can't wait and so you want to add a little plausible deniability between the activities of your day and going on stage like if i go on stage tonight and like went on the worst podcast you guys have ever heard then i that wouldn't yeah that'd be fine oh i would Never.

55:11Yeah. I'm enjoying myself. I know you are. But I do think sometimes people, I found. How do you approach? How do I approach when to take stuff to the stage? I feel similar. It's kind of like electrical currents. Like if a wire is cut and the end is still like sparking, it needs to at least be capped. That's not to say that if you took the cap off, the current couldn't flow again. It's not to say that the thing is completely resolved and I'm never going to have negative emotions about it again. Or that I'm completely healed of whatever thing has occurred. But I think the way John Marco put it is frankly even better.

55:39of like, yeah, it needs to not be like a live wire of a topic in your life when you take it to the audience. Because also, first and foremost, I think you need to make sure that you're in a place to be funny about it. Yes. It is simply not any audience's responsibility to like caretake for you through whatever shit you're going through. You better be making them laugh. Right, stand-up's not therapy. They pay money to be at the show. Yeah. Within a set, I do think there is a little space for a frayed edge or two, but don't make it the whole thing. Although, I feel like one of the great, there's a great set of Tig coming on stage like the day she gets her breast cancer diagnosis.

56:20Yeah. So there is a power and a rawness of being fucking real. And you can smell it when the comic is just doing their act and they're not with you. And so it's sort of your right. You do whatever you want. But you're building a career And if you're, you know, just the guy who comes on stage and talks about, wait, now I want to do a bit where like, hey, everybody, I had a transformative summer, but we can't talk about it. Yeah. I mean, that is a really good bit. Can I have it? For sure. I think throughout the set being like, oh, God, if I told you guys about this summer. Oh, if I were willing to get into it.

56:57Reminds me of this summer. Ma 'am, ma 'am, ask me about this summer. Sorry. I can't. Not taking questions at this time. Yeah, but Tig also, I will say, by the way, this like all other things is a rule for myself. My rules are for me. My rules are not for other people. Other people are allowed to do whatever they want. My rules are for Caleb. I think Tig is an interesting example because Tig as a performer is somebody who's so balanced and so joke-driven to begin with. I trust Tig to go and do the cancer set at Largo. You know what I mean? Trust is the word. Yeah. Does the audience trust that you're okay?

57:32Yes. Yes, and there's also, there's an issue with less skilled comedians trying to pull off masterful stuff too soon. Ooh, a thousand percent. It's like, well, you're not good enough to behave that way. Yeah. And that's okay. There's nothing mean in saying that. You're not Tig Notaro. Tig was a very, very accomplished, like, dyed-in-the-wool, toured, successful, skilled, talented comedian when she did that set. Almost did they. Sorry, Tig. What is the, I'm trying to think if there's a metaphor. or in like painting or another medium for this like, but maybe there isn't. Maybe there isn't. This is a perfect time to ask you, Zach Zimmerman, what is so true to you?

58:14You don't get to ask questions of the barista. Ooh, tell me what you mean by that. I feel like I was, it's mostly in the Pacific Northwest. No offense, I love Portland. But whenever I'm in a rush, I'm always behind someone who's always like, what is coffee? and i'm like and then the priest will be like well we take b and it's like no ma 'am no the thing that is so funny so i think a little but what's hard is i love i love these little like micro interactions that we have that do breed community i do think is important to like have those little moments but not at the checkout line yeah can i praise myself you sure kid i was out uh dunkin donuts and i got my coffee and i saw a woman get her coffee and she had a tiny little grimace when she got it and i was like oh did they mess it up she's like yeah i didn't want this cream on top and i was like let them know they'll remake it for you she's like oh i don't want to make a big deal i was like let them know and she let them know and they remade it for her yeah and i i'm proud of myself for i don't know just those little yeah i think i know Oh, maybe this is what's so true.

59:22A little nudge is very powerful. Yeah. A little nudge. My friend, but also careful, because a little nudge can be too powerful if you're unsure of who you are. Like, hey, go in there. My friend will nudge me, and I will listen. So just, we got to look out for each other and give each other little nudges like that. Yeah, noticing is love. Noticing the little grimace is loving. Noticing is love. And then there's an additional act of love. Like, if you had noticed the grimace and just given her a smile to say, I saw your grimace, that would be love. A further act of love is saying, what's the grimace about?

59:55Yeah. Did they mess up your coffee? And even further, you made like six or seven acts of love in that moment. I made it to third base. Yeah. You went to third base with love. That wink. Third base with love. Third base with love. I do think, yeah, love is listening. Love is noticing. Love is, I use the bell hooks definition, commitment to one's spiritual growth. The willingness to extend oneself. That took a little out of my day. it took an extra 10 seconds yeah i guess i did love that woman that was love yeah i am bi i'm deciding that was love you're by um you're by care and love it is funny when you're falling for someone you don't get to say the word love like i care about you like you're shy to tell someone like i love you are you me yeah oh no i girl oh i went on a first day recently i was like i I caught myself because I was like I shouldn't be doing that but I was like I can see a world which is very which might be very similar to this world yeah I fall madly and deeply in love with you could almost be the exact world we're living in yeah might be and then later later did I say I love you I won't say but the idea of someone saying I love you and me saying back I can see a world no I say no I know but could you imagine it as the response that's dark you love me i there are universes in which there we live in many worlds are you familiar with the marvel universe there are planes of existence can i start there yeah um thank you for saying that the are you familiar with string theory right and vibrations yes exactly zach did i i don't think i did the assignment no you did a great job you don't get to ask questions of the barista is a great so true and i'm very if there's no line look it does beg the question who then do you ask but that's not important on this show google right or a friend right a trusted confidant i think i think if i really dove into it i'm team you get to ask the barista questions even though it when there's my morning even though i know i know it sucks i just why i didn't bring it up originally true story i'm in an airport and an old lady is like well is that problematic that i had to make her an old lady was she old yeah well then you didn't make she was like what's a latte and so now i'm kind of charmed by the idea of i was gonna say you're making a 65 year old life and not knowing what a latte is uh i need to invent an argument that makes mine okay um hold on i already said you're behind jeff bezos yeah yeah yeah he's like where do you get your beans from the specific city and county now bitch yeah the bitch would definitely take it over zach i have a segment for you you ready wait this is an act of love this is an act of love So, I'm going to read you 15 statements.

1:02:43You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think what I just said is true or false. If you get 10 or more correct, we're going to give you 50 US dollars. Wow. And may I ask? Now, yes. Is it random what is true and not? Or did someone sort of make it so that there's some back and forth? They're objective trivia questions. But then the order of them. Will you deliver them to me in a random order? You're about to find out. They're randomized. Okay. There are two NFL. I have to get 10 right? You have to get 10 right. Okay. There are two NFL teams in the state of New York. Wait, we can't talk about what happened this summer.

1:03:23That's the second one. You went through a transformative this summer. Tell me about it. What's your perfect day? There are two NFL teams in the state of New York. False. False. There are three. Bank of America has more locations in the U.S. than any other bank. false false it's chase uranus is the coldest planet in the solar system

1:03:47true that is true william fleming high school won state men's basketball in 2007 this is where i went to high school we won what state and men's basketball in 2007 i graduated in 2006 i have no idea true it is true every founding member of the band aerosmith is still alive false true Bald Eagles mate for life. False. True. Spike TV is older than MTV. True. False. A group of ladybugs is called a loveliness. Yes, true. Even if it's not. Thank God it's true. The Princeton Triangle Club was founded in 1905. True. False. 1891. Skittles are banned in Norway. True. True. Reddit was originally a book review website.

1:04:35True. False. Oh. The sentence 19 letters long is 19 letters long. The sentence 19 letters long is 19 letters long? Or words? Letters. The sentence 19 letters long. That's the sentence? Is 19 letters long. 19 letters long. N-I-N - Stop doing the math and answer. True. It is true. Lawrence Fishburne is 6 '5". False. False. He's 6 '0". Snapchat was discontinued in 2021. False. That is false. The current mayor of Roanoke, Virginia is Travis Fleetwood.

1:05:13True. False. Joseph L. Cobb. How do you do? Catch and strays. Nine. No! Wait. I want to litigate. Which ones did I get wrong? There's nothing to litigate. That could get me out of a lot of minds. There's nothing to litigate. That could get me out of a lot. Don't tell anybody that. So don't sweat it. I thought one of the questions I'm ready to answer. To answer? The question I refused to answer earlier. Oh, okay. There's two buttons in front of you.

1:05:49One does nothing. One kills somebody. Zach, thank you so much for doing this. This was lovely. You don't want to know what my perfect day is? I would love to know what your perfect day is. I thought you were doing a bit about your summer and I wasn't going to actually push you on it. Oh, no. What is your perfect day? October 3rd. Okay. It's not too hot. It's not too cold. It's really cute. All you need is a light jacket. A bit of a deflection, but really cute. I was thinking about it while I was peeing. It involves coffee and maybe an omelet. Ooh. What kind of omelet? Ooh, my God. Because you know I'm ham, onions, and cheese.

1:06:23Well, I'm a vegetarian because I care about the sentient beings other than humans on the And I don't. We've made that clear. I love cheese. And maybe a little salsa on it. A little creme fraiche. Ooh, that's nice. A little sour cream. Yeah. And sweet potato fries. Yeah. Or really good home fries, like a twice fried, twice baked home fries, English muffin. Yeah. Butter, jelly. And there should probably be some sex. In your perfect day? For my perfect day. Yeah. I think the perfect day starts with a little. We'll get you some. Because I don't know about you guys. I wake up a little ready to go. I do, but morning sex is a chore of all chores.

1:07:02morning sex is like asking me to run a marathon I'm like I need to brush my teeth, I need to shower, I need to stretch it's just too morning sex is like what? no, it's the best I don't like it, and I don't like when someone tries to have morning sex with me without having like brush their teeth and what not oh yeah, you gotta go brush little mints you don't have a little sex corner with mints and condoms and a gallon of lube something like that yeah giant you know at a stadium when they've got like yeah ketchup mustard mayonnaise yeah and i have the little paper cups with it too oh my god just bring a paper cup of loop to the bedroom uh zach this was so much fun thank you for doing it oh i had a blast tell people where they can find you um i live at boundary i live at boundary um i'm on instagram zz double zz that's easy the word double and zz um that's the big place instagram tiktok Twitter sorry and your stand up special which is on YouTube yeah I watched my stand up special called Surprise Me it's about my search for a definition of love and Dunkin Donuts is there and then I have a book that came out two years ago called Is It Hot in Here or Am I Suffering for All Eternity for the Sins I Committed on Earth you can get that on bookshop.com or ask your local independent bookstore to order it for you yeah oh yeah thanks for doing it Zach thanks for having me that was a hate gum podcast

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