#491 How to Run Your Own Race

0:00Honey, what are you listening to? Mom! Your teen might not share everything with you, but teens share everything with each other. And certain everyday behaviors, like sharing food, drinks, or kisses, could mean sharing bacteria that can cause meningococcal disease, known as meningitis. Although meningitis is uncommon, about 1 in 10 who develop it will die. Ask your teen's doctor about missing meningitis vaccinations. Learn more at meningitis.com. Vaccination may not protect all recipients. Sponsored by GSK. Hi, I'm Helen. And I'm Sarah. And this is the Squiggly Careers podcast, a weekly show where we talk about the ins, the outs, the ups and the downs and work and give you some tools, some advice, but hopefully a bit of confidence and control over your career.

0:43And this is an episode in a, I guess, a special series we're doing for the summer. We've got a theme, which are quotes that have inspired our career, which we want to turn into action for everybody else. And they're slightly different in terms of format. So we're only doing them for around 50 minutes. So hopefully a short, inspiring listen that helps you to take action with your development. That is the aim. We've got two quotes each that have inspired us. And if you're regular listeners, you'll know that Sarah and I are quite different. So they are quite different quotes. And then we're going to interview each other to understand what the quote is, why it matters to us and ideas we think that can be helpful for other people to implement it.

1:21So I think Sarah's

1:22Helen:interviewing today. So Helen, what's the quote that you're choosing? What's a quote that's inspired you in your squiggly career? The quote is to run your own race, short and simple. Short and simple and what was it that appealed to you about that quote? Do you remember where you were maybe the first time you heard it or you read it? I think it was probably like early days of Instagram so I can't attribute it to anyone, I really can't remember when I saw it but it was like early early days of like scrolling through Instagram and seeing inspiring stuff you know of the era of the love your job quote which did not did not make the cut uh but run your own race did and I think it helped me because at the time I was in do you know at the time I will have been probably in Virgin and I think that is a that is definitely a place where confidence gremlins could creep in because everyone's so interesting and doing cool things and everyone looks like shiny um and I wasn't I'd come from a very corporate place before I went to Virgin and also I was starting this side project I think with you so I didn't feel like I was I mean not that it's a place that really values conformity but I felt like are you saying amazing if isn't cool

2:36I'm not sure we're the cool people I'm not sure that says but the point is when you run your own race you are not trying to be like other people you are kind of you know you're kind of aware of what is meaningful to you and that is kind of what what's motivating for you and that's kind kind of drives your development so I think that's it definitely was a point in my time when I could have felt comparison getting in the way of my confidence so I think I gravitated towards this quote um and it I found it I found it very reinforcing for me and it has stayed with me I mean I go on about this quote all the time and when you have shared it with other people because

3:12Helen:I've heard you share with other people I share it on your behalf with other people um how do you think it could be helpful for all of us rather not not just kind of you and your personal experiences well I think that I when I think about like the squiggly skills I see confidence as so of all of our squiggly skills um which we will be talking about on our sprint which is coming very soon um I see confidence as sort of the one that gets in most people's way you know the one that holds most people back so I feel like it will help people because I know that confidence is getting in the way of lots of people's careers.

3:44And I think this is a statement that can kind of help people overcome some of those gremlins. But I think there are some particularly actionable insights that we can take away from it. Would you like me to share?

3:55Helen:I would. I think one of the reflections I have as somebody who sometimes has a comparison gremlin is that it's probably easier than ever to almost not run your own race because other people's careers are really visible. you spend some time on LinkedIn and you might fall into that trap of thinking why don't I do that or other people are doing this and so that kind of going back to kind of being confident in yourself and kind of what you want to do it probably feels more important now than it maybe even did when we first started working I think it's always felt important but I found it more useful probably over the past five or six years than I did say in the first five or six years of my career Yeah, yeah, you know, I think you're right.

4:38I think there's more, there's just more points of data now that I think maybe that kind of affect how you might feel about your career development. You know, it's just more visible, isn't it? Like that stuff that can lead to comparison.

4:48Helen:so we were very keen in this sort of summer series to turn these quotes into action um because actually one of the reasons that we even started amazing if is that there were quite a few of these quotes knocking around instagram in the early days um and on the words of some walls of offices and actually i think they can sort of work for you or against you because they can feel just quite vague or generic or you know if you're skeptical like me or a good critical thinker it's quite easy to pull these things apart you know oh well it's fine for Helen to say to run her own race because look how brilliant she is and look at all the things that she's achieved um so that's you know easy for you to say but it's really hard for me to do so we are very aware of that and we both try to come up with three actions for each of our kind of quotes to go if this feels helpful for you what might you actually do turning that awareness into action let's let's have those notes Helen I know you've actually played it I have um I've got a bit of alliteration going on because that is obviously just just where my brain my brain goes so the first thing is if you want to run your own race I think you have to put values before validation so I think one of the things that gets in the way of people running their own race is when they're comparing their career or they're looking for other people to say that they're doing a good job you know they're looking for for that reinforcement from other people and I think if you're going to actually run your own race you have to kind of go in like inwards without being too cheesy about it all I think you have to think about well what am I actually motivated by what really drives me and I think you have to focus really hard on that because I might look at you and I might think oh Sarah's so good at that or you know I should be more like Sarah but actually what I try to do is kind of go what matters to me freedom growth energy and achievement they are my values how do I get more of that like make decisions with that in mind and I will be happier over the long term and if you don't know what your values are because i think that requires an awareness of your values in order to be able to do that um we have got a free toolkit on values which is on our website amazingif.com which you can go and use and it will work you through some sort of activities and processes which will get you to that type of clarity but i think that's point number one values over validation okay okay point number two is collaborate don't compete deliteration for all of them yeah of course i have deliteration for none of mine just to manage obviously obviously so yeah collaborate don't compete so i think when you are not running your own race i think it is very easy to start to you know that compare and compete compare and compete and i mean i just a that i'm just not i'm not wired that way that just doesn't do it for me but i i think that is what helps me stay true to this quote because i kind of go well i just collaborate with those people so when I see I'm like they're doing a great job great I'm gonna go I'm gonna collaborate with them or I'm gonna try and support them or I'm trying to gonna try and advocate for their work because I think it's great you definitely have that mindset I think more than anyone I've ever worked with when someone else does something well I feel like your first thought is oh how can I learn from that person so that I can do that thing well and I almost feel like we wouldn't be friends if you didn't have that mindset because that's how we met yeah that's so true isn't it like imagine if you if that wasn't you because you are you're definitely wired that way um I think you sort of get curious but you kind of get competitive with yourself it's quite an unusual type of competition that you have my third point it's joking this is my third but my third point is focus on being better not the best so I think it goes back to it so I never have a desire in running my own race I'm not actually trying to I'm not trying to be the best at running I mean that would be a bad thing for me wouldn't it I never get started but I'm not trying to be the best at running I'm not trying to I'm not trying to beat other people that I'm just that doesn't connect with me at all I am always trying to be better I'm always trying to run a better race so I'm like oh what can I learn what would I do differently like who's doing it well that I might be able to experiment I'm always always trying to be better but I'm not I'm not trying to be the best because I think as soon as you let that kind of creep in like the better the competing you the validating then I start I think you get to start like a win-lose mentality and that is not what the running your own race thing means to me anyway and how do you make that one practical because I think a lot of people would listen to that and think okay great much much easier and feels more accessible for all of us to go okay I'm going to be a better me versus better versus Helen or better versus Jack or whoever um how do you figure out what what better looks like um I will I use I mean it's obviously one of our tools so I feel I feel like it's you've like like loaded me so I can talk about one of our tools but what well even better if I use all the time like almost every day and I will use it to self-reflect so today I've had a feedback conversation today I've done a presentation today both of those things I will self-reflect what we're well even better if because I'll be doing both of those things again in the future and and it stops you being too self-critical because you have to acknowledge what you did well but it also helps you you know the getting better bit is really is really useful but I will I will often ask other people for their insights on that too and often you know I'll ask you I'll ask the team I'll ask other people um so I am just gathering a lot of what well even better of feedback all the time and I don't I don't necessarily act on all of it but I'm gathering I'm gathering the information so I can make a decision about what bits I want to make better yeah so you can be really specific about sometimes we talk about don't we how useful scales are yeah I think um if you give yourself a score out of 10 if you were like right I want to be a better presenter and you do a lot of presenting you might already be an eight but you could then go right well what would take me from an eight to a nine and you could get even better if feedback to give you ideas that would give you data for your development and people might say I don't know let's imagine people said talk a bit slower Helen let's imagine sometimes you might talk quite fast and so then you go okay well I understand that an eight to a nine might look a bit like pace and practicing varying my pace so I don't lose my energy and I can keep my authenticity but equally recognizing that sometimes slowing down can kind of really make a point and it's just those kind of small it's like small changes but I guess they all add up over time and I'm interested to know with when you're in race what are the moments when that's hardest for you because I think you talk very clearly about like how you do this because you've you know you've lived with this quote for a while it's kind of been part of your life for a while but there still must be moments where this feels difficult to do um the moment that I have to like repeat it the most is probably oh because I always I take like it's group situations it's group situations with a lot of impressive people and I'll give you a very specific example like if I'm in like I'm like Sarah knows because of course she knows me but the last couple of years I became part of this EY winning women network those women are absolutely amazing like they are running international businesses with complex issues large teams they have amazing commercial knowledge I mean they're like amazing and um I will sometimes be in the room with them and it is there are so many of them it is really easy to sit at a table and feel like you are not I don't know it's not good enough not doing it right or not growing in the same way or all there's like there's just many messages of kind of sort of gremlin noise around you in that room and I really have to kind of like you know go like run your own race run your own race you're not trying to be like everybody else you're proud of what you're doing I often think it's quite helpful to maybe ask yourself You know, like, when am I at most risk of forgetting something that's important to me?

13:09Helen:And I think you can start to spot the situations and then you figure out, like, well, what do I need to remind myself of? Yeah. Because I do find like comparison can creep in for me really, really quickly. And I don't think that will ever not be true. So one of my risks would be if I spent too long on LinkedIn, for example, I don't think that would be good for me. um and also because I'm comparing myself often on LinkedIn to people who are much more extrovert than I am if I look at people I admire their content I'll be like well but they are starting from a very different place to me and so sometimes I think it's also about limiting those sorts of things in a way that's useful because I think well okay but I'm not that's not me that's not what I'm trying to do so actually just being kind of thoughtful about if this matters to me if running your own race matters to me what do I need to do more of less of but also what do I need to watch out for also maybe a kind of a final point to close on with it I think the opposite of running your own race is running someone else's race and I think that that is a very risky way of managing your career because you get to the end of that race and you're really not happy with where you are or who you are and I think that's like that's not that's not that maybe that's motivating for people as well you know carrot or stick in terms of what works for you but um that's not that's something that's not something that I find motivating for my career so we hope you find these episodes useful perhaps feeling slightly different to our kind of normal episodes we're trying to keep them short for the summer um a bit different interviewing each other which is quite a nice quite a nice change yeah I you're a good interviewer thanks very much um and we'll be back again next week where we will be swapping roles and Helen will be talking to me about one of my favourite quotes.

14:58Helen:I don't know if we should reveal it. Yeah, give her a tease. What's the quote? Never live the same year twice. I can't wait. All right, speak next week. Thank you so much for listening, everyone. Bye for now. Bye, everyone.