#560 4 Ways to Stop Self-Sabotage at Work

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1:12Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Listeners of this show will get a$75 sponsored job credit at Indeed.com slash podcast. That's Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need a hiring hero? This is a job for Indeed Sponsored Jobs. Hi, I'm Helen and you're listening to one of our Squiggly Career Shortcuts. These episodes are designed to be really quick to listen to and really easy for you to take action. We try to take a topic that we know that is relevant to lots of people. And I want to talk to you today about the topic of self-sabotage.

1:47Now, this is a really big topic and we've done lots of different podcasts around building your squiggly career confidence, which I definitely recommend that you have a listen to you. I'll let you know which ones at the end of this today. But I really want to talk a little bit about what self-sabotage might look and feel like and some simple things that you can start doing because self-sabotage really gets in the way of your squiggly career. And it is not about the way that your manager acts or the work that you're doing. It is about what you're thinking and what you're feeling and how that affects how you are showing up.

2:21So if you are self-sabotaging, it is likely that there is a voice in your head. we often talk about this as like the inner critic. And what that voice is doing is telling you what you shouldn't do, what you can't do, what you're not very good at doing. And it is a really hard voice to turn the volume down on. And it tends to be really loud in the moments when you want to be at your best. So it's a job interview, or it's a presentation, or it's a one to one with your manager like you know the moments the moments for you that really really matter unfortunately they are the moments when self-sabotage seems to be the most significant and if we don't find a way to quieten the critic and to stop self-sabotaging then those moments kind of compound in terms of their negative impact for your career because you don't share what you think and you don't ask for what you want and you don't put your work in front of the right people and so self-sabotage it makes you smaller.

3:23It means you have less significance and it means you lose opportunities for your development. So it feels really, really rubbish. It never feels nice when you're talking to yourself like that. And also it has a really negative impact on your career. So that's kind of, you know, that's the bad but very real news about self-sabotage. And most people do this, okay? So if you are doing it, you are not alone. I do it. Sarah does it. People do it. Now, the good news is there is something that you can do differently about this. So there are some ways in which you can respond if you know you are self-sabotaging.

3:59So the first thing to do is to spot the situations where this is most likely to happen. So maybe it's a particular meeting at work. Maybe it is that one-to-one with your manager. Like you go into that conversation and you think, I want to say this. I want to say this. And you come away from it and you never, ever do. So the point of spotting the situation means that you can be much more specific about the action you take. Like it's going to be exhausting to try and tackle it every minute of every day. But there are some moments where this is probably having a bigger impact. We want to spot those situations.

4:33So honestly, I would just write it down. You've got enough of this going on in your head. Write it down so we can get this out of your head. Second thing is to name the worry. Because self-sabotage, it can start, it can feel a bit ambiguous sometimes. Like what is this inner critic? Is it telling you that you're not clever enough or that you don't know enough or you're not good enough? And do you know what? Even if it's saying you're not good enough, I would go a bit further. What are you not good enough at? Try and get specific. There's some psychology that says name it to tame it. Actually, I talk to my children about this where they're like, oh, maybe I don't feel great.

5:11I'm like, well, tell me, like, what is the worry? If you name it, it starts to give you a greater sense of control. And control is a really important word here. I want you to feel in control. I don't want the critic to be in control of you. So we're going to spot the situation. We are going to name the worry that is kind of carrying this weight. The third thing that I really want you to do is look forward. So I want you to look forward to a meeting, conversation, a situation where you know that this kind of inner critic, this self-sabotage is likely to happen. The reason that I want you to look forward is if you can spot that meeting, that situation, you can do something different.

5:57If you're just in it and you haven't thought about it, it's very hard to change this slightly default response that you've got. But if you can look forward and see it, then we can plan to do something different. Again, it's about increasing your control and reducing the critic. So we're going to look forward, we're going to spot that situation. And then I really, really want you to change what you are saying to yourself. So this self-sabotage probably sounds like I can't. I can't speak up. I can't do that. I can't say this. Like I can't, I can't, I can't. Unhelpful. What I want you to swap to is I don't.

6:36So for example, let's say my inner critic is telling me I can't give Sarah feedback because it's going to affect our friendship. Maybe it's telling me that and I'm just saying that to myself all the time and I'm self-sabotaging my role as a co-founder. Much more helpful for me to say that I don't let my worries get in the way of my work. I don't let my worries get in the way of my work. It's still going to feel hard to have that conversation, but I am going to feel much more able, empowered and confident to try than if I just keep telling myself I can't. So if you can go through those four things, it is something simple you can do right now if self-sabotage is getting in the way.

7:28So clearly that is just a way to get started. And it definitely takes a bit of time. Like you kind of want this to be a habitual response to those situations. So if you do want a bit more support on this, episode 283 is all about self-sabotage. And we talk a bit more about different things that you can do.