harry potter x straight diva

0:00This episode is brought to you by Facebook. So you were scrolling on Marketplace, and there it was, the bike you'd been searching for. You sent a message, and it turned out the seller was super chatty, kind of funny, and an avid cyclist. The next thing you know, you're in a cycling crew. Well, a community cycling group. The thing about Facebook, you might find more than what you're looking for. From a browse to a bike ride, this summer, find more on Facebook. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands you need. From athletic stuff, like a full-court pickup game, swish, to athletic-ish stuff, like a half-mile stroll.

0:40Get those steps in! And for morning hikes up the mountain trail, good pace to nighttime ghost stories from the camping chair. What a twist. Whatever level of active, Sierra loves it all. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. Favourite offensive word? Funk. Funk. Give up the funk. Funk. Get funky now. Get funky. Fuck or cunt? Okay. Avoo? I discovered this week that mine is one that I can't really use that much. Faggot. Bint. You old bint. Yeah. Why can't you use that? I think it's quite misogynistic, probably.

1:24Okay. I use it. Maybe use it to my mum. Oh my god, Sophie. How are you doing, Sue? I'm alright, Lou. How are you? Good, thanks. Gorgeous. We've got the door wide open. Bill is, my lovely wife, is doing up a room right there. Can we get her? Hey, yeah. Here we are. There she is. Bill was joking before we started rolling that, wait, yeah, she wasn't joking. He was asking me, do you sometimes feel like we're in a terrible Netflix sitcom? Sitcom, yeah. Where you're the podcaster that comes to my house every Thursday. and I was like funny you should say that Bill I've just started watching Girls and it does feel reminiscent but Sue I think I can't be bothered to get into five seasons no see the thing is right this is going to lead on to too much as well but Girls is a masterpiece yeah it's a masterpiece and the way it ends is the best masterpiece of all okay because in the end they just like it's not a spoiler really but they just don't like each other in the end okay and I think that is like fucking genius I mean I can already see in episode one but I think that's so genius tension yeah it's so genius like the whole thing is so genius and so relative to the modern landscape of friendships much so very different from too much which is shit Lena Dunham you moved to the UK and you got boring I don't know what you did she moved to the UK well she they filmed it's filmed in like is it so I know nothing about oh my god it's filmed in like Hoxton and the thing it's just so like then the guy from it what's his name Sam in it Billion I don't want to be Implicated Okay Bill's not getting Implicated in this I will Sam I'm going to get Implicated in it I'm going to fuck The girl in it The main girl's Really funny Not on TV So she's like Funny as a comedian She's not funny As an actress She can't act low key Sam the guy From the White Lotus Fit But then they've Done this thing Where he paints his nails And wears a Really ill fitting Leather jacket To be like a London boy It's as if Taylor Swift Wrote a series About being He's a Ryan London boy I enjoy Enjoy.

3:23Yeah. Nights out in Brixton. Yeah, it's very like that. Shoreditch in the afternoon. And obviously she comes and she thinks, like she's moving to an estate and she thinks it's going to be like an estate home, like a dickhead. And then she moves and it's like, she's in a block of flats. Yeah, it's always a tough. It's just so shit. I can't believe people are watching it, but there's so much PR around it. Like it's so shit. Like we tried, I tried. You're welcome. I tried to watch it and I thought, is it going to get better than this? And it just doesn't get better. it's intolerable I think if Lena Dunham was the main character perhaps it could have been better but the girl she's got though funny elsewhere isn't funny in this right she's overacting it's just really it's naff it's acting Americans trying to do a British thing and also she's just got bare famous people in it and it's almost it feels like a plea to make it better there's like someone from Fontaine's and Adjua Boa is in it who I think is the most attractive person in the world Adjua Boa is in it she plays the she's the most what person in the world attractive person in the world I think she's the best I thought you said destructive.

4:22No, no. Attractive. Lang. Lang, she's unreal. She's my favourite model ever. She's in it. Like, it's just the biggest plea of like, what's this? I'm Lena Dunham. I'm making TV again. It's like, girl, all we wanted was another series of girls and you came back and did too much. Like, girl, you're doing too much. Second album syndrome. Yeah, it's not cute. I don't understand. All the reviews on TikTok I've seen are negative. I think everyone's - So before this, I thought you were saying that you couldn't believe how positive the feedback was. And anything I can see, I don't know if it's just been press, is like unanimously, this is shit.

5:02Yeah, press is, this is shit. Most of TikToks is shit, but I don't know if I made that my algorithm. It's more my friends being like, watch it, it's really good. I can't believe that this is what we call good anymore. Have we all just lost taste? No shade. Wow. Okay. But it's such a shame when people, when someone is so good, like Lena, and then they come back and just do this. Like our Lena. No, like our Lena, like our Queen-a. Queen-a the Lena, Golgina. But I do think it is that thing. It's like not many people can go and do different things. Like Michaela Cole, did Chewing Gum, she came back, did I May Destroy You.

5:36Perfect example of talent. Like Lena Dunham. Stop hanging around with Taylor Swift, bro. What's going to be your kind of... No shade. What's going to be the second string to your bow? obviously podcasting doesn't count so yeah well music crochet yeah could i go into acting probably i'd probably be really good at it yeah thoughts and feelings of me becoming an actor bill said we've done a couple tapes together and it's fucking dreadful we've done a sketch together but the lena dunham show is dreadful and look where lena dunham is yeah so i was very i I reckon I could finesse an acting career. Yeah?

6:12Absolutely. Okay. Yeah, anyone. If Jack Shep can do it, I can do it. Not that... No, I wasn't... I wasn't calling Jack Shep bad. I'm saying Jack Shep's a TikToker that moved into acting. Okay, fair enough. Got a part in... I was talking to him about it the other day. Got a part in Big Boys. And he was amazing in it. And then he was in One Day. He was amazing in that. Yeah. He's amazing. I love him. No, just drag his name. No, no, no. No, I'm not dragging him. I'm just saying he went from TikToker to actor. So maybe that's in the pipeline for me. Yeah. Who knows? I could be a TikToker into anything at this rate.

6:44I'm TikToking to... Baby. Reality TV. Just do like the reality TV merry-go-round. I'm a celeb. Love Island. Yeah. Look at... What's her face? That lesbian. Jojo Siwa? No, other one. The English lesbian. Yeah, she's not a lesbian anymore, I'll be all says. We miss you, Jojo. I'm just holding Sophie's foot and I'm waiting for it to kick off at me. so tell us how you really really feel sue i don't like it yeah girls is iconic and you should finish it it's the best one of the best tv shows of all time okay cool i'll be intrigued um if our i feel like our audience is i'm realizing every day that it's like younger than i think i assume that most people who listen to our podcast is like our age yeah which is um

7:35sophie she's like i love lena donham please get off

7:43yeah i'd be intrigued to hear if any of our fans have watched it or listeners i should say because after being i love my wife on friday night yeah i feel like most of the straight diva fans are like 21 they are like when i just assumed that yeah everyone listens to the podcast is like our age no um and people our age have to get a life yeah mortgages and have well no but also the you know so fuck off ow get off me she just launched at Sue for any listeners she's like ripped herself in she's in my Levi jeans she really likes Luna Dunham in my Levi jeans she hates when Jack Antonoff comes on the on the speaker don't you dare fucking come for me don't you do that Soph again that really hurt I think it's an all like a a signifier of cool and marketability if your core demographic is younger 20 year olds.

8:37Sigma boots or whatever. Sigma. Alpha Sigma Delta. Would you join a frat? Or a sorority? For the bukkake, yeah. I'm not open, but I'd bukkake. Sukake. What's your favourite horrible sex game? Mine's Soggy Biscuit. Yeah, I wouldn't like that because you have to eat it. Horrible sex game. What have we played, Bill? This episode is brought to you by Facebook. So you were scrolling on Marketplace, and there it was, the bike you'd been searching for. You sent a message, and it turned out the seller was super chatty, kind of funny, and an avid cyclist. The next thing you know, you're in a cycling crew.

9:21Well, a community cycling group. The thing about Facebook, you might find more than what you're looking for. From a browse to a bike ride, this summer, find more on Facebook. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands for the super athletic stuff, like running gear for cruising up the trail. Woo! And the super athletic-ish stuff, like fishing gear for chilling by the creek. Nice cast. Fitness apparel to push for higher reps. You got this. And golf balls priced so you can afford to lose one. Or a few. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all.

10:00From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it.

10:30If you're smart on how trans women act, you know nothing comes out. Right. Think smarter, not harder, dickhead. Also, just don't, when you're, as someone who's flirted with many baristas, don't go too sexually graphic, just ever. Yeah, common, it was crazy. How's your transition going? Um, slow. Slow, yeah, I mean it is. It's quite a slow drug, it's not like testosterone. My mood swings are starting to stabilize a bit. Nice.

11:02But like I want to be on the blockers one minute And then I don't the next It's like It's like I can't make my mind up So there's quite a lot of Self analysis Yeah to and fro Internal monologue Yeah But you know I know I'm moving in the right direction Yeah I know for sure Proud of you But thank you for asking It's alright Mr. Thing

11:26Are you fucking serious? Are you fucking serious? oh did you hear him do you want us to close this

11:42no it's okay it's okay I was literally Bill's house telling Bill off how's your week been Sue how has my week been what's happened I've been at the Ordnance Headloads I'm there again tonight and I did actually have a talking about it. Do you know why it's called the old nun's head? Because it's a nun head? Yeah, and do you know why nun head's called a nun head? Because they decapitated nuns there for being too horny. That is actually true. You're joking? So during Henry VIII, they like, to show that they were like fucking up the church, they were decapitating nuns and put the nun's head on spikes and shit.

12:18No shade. For being, for shagging? Or doing the opposite of shagging. Oh, they were like, we don't like nuns. Oh, because it was Protestant. Because Henry VIII was trying to fuck. Bergiel. Sixth Giel. kill two of them not because he was like get the Catholics out and none's a Catholic well that too probably but also because he just loves shagging because they're frigid well which side do I fall on bitch you're giving home me the eighth of the minute girl Susan sorry I've got a problem run through Lou

12:49she's not well at the moment guys I'm not well but I'm going to be okay I've taken I've taken a lot of things out of the calendar yeah working on quiet contentment quiet contentment Deleted a couple of apps. And we won't be working with Fjord any longer. Joking, I'm joking, I'm joking. No. I'm joking, please. It'll be a week before I'm back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just need to take your foot off the gas every now and then. I also, do you know about the bug goal? No. Guys, I'm talking about the bug goal. Oh, I've seen you post about it. It's genius. Okay. Oh, the thing. I think it must be a kink because people are commenting, hot key deal on again topless kind of thing and it must be like you know about like feeders and eaters and stuff like that i think it's like a similar thing to like that which might be like submerged in something even with like feeders like they're like i want to eat so much i want to fucking die and stuff like that i think it's a lot of like masochism so please girl i literally can't um and i think that's something to do with that but i'm obsessed it's the way that they just jump into the bog so for yeah there's a guy in a school mask that goes around bogs which obviously is like muddy water muddy water and it's like the classic thing and like a swamp where it looks like it's just a puddle and then it's like yeah and then it's like 10 feet deep and then he just comes off camera just jumps in

14:13stays underwater for ages and then just comes back home he's like but in his school mask and then he just goes back under again and then he'll get out and jump back in and then he'll spend and then I'll watch like 10 minutes of him trying to get out and it is genuinely the most genius thing I've ever seen in my life why do you love it? I don't know like I don't know whether it's like a kink that I want to enjoy but I Bill had to ask me to turn it off a couple of times because I just couldn't stop watching it and laughing it's more when they go under and then it just like bubbles the air bubbles it's so funny and there was one that he did where he's like in the water, in the bog and it's like fizzing and he's like, listen to the fizz and it was so ASMR vibes.

14:52I'm obsessed with it. Do you think... I'm obsessed with it. Do you think he's getting some sort of sexual... Absolutely, yeah, in person. And he always uses the smiley, the crying smiley face so like the colon apostrophe thing and that's so me-coded. Maybe I see myself in him. But like there's a man that gets in his car, puts a school mask off, goes to find a bog, leaps in, crawls out, Films it Uploads it online And like that's his life And I think How many views are we talking? On TikTok now Yeah it's like 500 ,000 likes On each video You what? It's so funny So that's how you found it? The buggle You then migrated And then I went into YouTube And I went into the deep dive Where people are like Please jump in again With like dress boxes on next time Okay Is this Do you I'm quite interested by Like niche Yeah YouTube interests Well this is the thing Kate King is my girl I don't know who Kate King is As we all know everybody you don't know who kate king is no chat i'm straight and you're a diva come on this is this is the podcast king is a legend icon star she's like 20 years old stuff like that someone will have more detail and be able to tell you if you join the i'm not rich enough to have shame group chat for so i think you'll be able to know who kate king is she's a niche intellect celebrity she used to vlog all the time she used to do things like shopping hauls and she lives with her mum and her dad uh evil val and mick for all of the videos that she uploads her mum is always saying something so everyone's uh nicknamed her evil because evil and and she's just like her mum always that comes from she always that comes back um it's so funny and she's such a legend and she's basically come offline now and like she did that costa song um uh costa how did it go i know the song oh how does the costa song go not a brand partnership with the uk coffee coffee yeah no no and then no and then costa reached out she didn't even reply she's really deleted everything see i'm thinking of the crumble song everybody's gonna cook you something let's do the cooking crumble I can really tell.

16:58No, that's a Crumble song. That's not Kate. Kate King Costa song. I'm going to have to find it so I can see. She's really offline. This is quite an impressive. Yeah, she's offline. No, but she left us such an imprint. People like save her videos. Like she's a fully like, she's a full internet sub to. Oh yeah. I don't know what it is that makes you love you. So going to Costa coffee, medium and extra hot. with two sugars on the top. Have a lovely day. Nice melody. Thank you. Well, no, you didn't write it. Well, obviously I didn't write it. Kate wrote it. Where's she from? Buckinghamshire. And she has a radio show.

17:43Home counties, girls. Come on. She's from Buckinghamshire, I believe. And she has a radio show on the hospital radio every Wednesday. And people write into the show because that's the only way you can contact Kate King. It's almost like the Ouija board. and you can request songs and she just kikis there for two hours. It's like the straight diva agony answer. It's amazing. So that's Kate King. Okay. So the bog ghoul is my new Kate King. He doesn't have more, he doesn't talk to us as much as Kate King, but like that's my new thing. I also have an obsession with be brave, be you ASMR, who I'm obsessed with her as well.

18:15And also I'm obsessed with Nicola, the honest vocal coach. He's also a psychic who gave me a psychic read and he said, I look like a drug addict. On what basis? Just the stars. On photo of me, she said I look like I'm on an issue with addiction. Which was fine. That's the bug goal. That's the bug goal. It's very interesting to hear what's coming up on your recommended algorithm suit always. I hope you're getting something out of it, whether it's sexual or not. It's not sexual. Yeah? No. You sure? I think it's not. I don't think I want to be underwater in mud. My niche YouTube likes is just Outdoor Boys.

19:00Have we spoken about? Outdoor Boys. Yeah, no, we have spoken about Outdoor Boys. Outdoor Boys is my kink, but he's fucking retired because fame's got too much fame. Well, yeah, that's the same as Kate King. It's going to be what you do to us. I think Evil Val and Mick will die and then Kate will realise her absolute iconery and come back. Okay. When did she hang up her boots? Like a year ago. Okay. Well, we miss you, Kate. She originally took off her comments and she was like, guys, you're ruining it now. Like, you're ruining it. You're ruining it. You're ruining it. And, yeah. Well, we hope you're okay, Kate.

19:34She probably listens to the podcast, doesn't she? Yeah, she probably does, Kate. Justin Bieber released an album this week. Boring. And why don't you curse who I think? Well, because, right, my opinion on this is, that's my baby. She's iconic. Fuck, fuck on Kate. I think it's so fucking lame when a singer who's really big just pays Dijon and McGee to just do him an album I think it's lame see now we're cooking soon see that's lame like because it's like it's like what happens it's like when Kanye though I love Yeezus sorry just paid like Arca and Hudson Mohawk and a bunch of other really underground people to just make Yeezus and then everyone's like he's a genius and I'm like my friend Will had the same criticism whereas i'm like if the biggest pop stars in the world are using the hottest i don't even think it's about hottest but i guess they are very hot like um the coolest the coolest arguably the best producers of the moment yeah i think that's a good thing i'd rather that than like they go for something more kind of historically mainstream yeah but um i get what you mean but apparently i haven't listened to the full thing but apparently it's not even that good i thought it was great i don't i think listening to it second and third time i don't think it's as amazing as i thought it was on the first yeah because i thought honestly when i first heard that it was like dijon and mcgee i was like i'm excited for this and i listened to it walk through the park and i was like i genuinely couldn't remember one word other than that's my baby it is quite vibey it's not very like it's background visceral yeah yeah but there's no single vibes but swag did remind me about swagger jagger which is the sher lloyd debut single that went gold and platinum that album is one of the best albums of all time sticks and stones by sher lloyd i'm not even kidding jenny if i could get a sher lloyd feature on my project i'd do it tomorrow she likes my tiktok once i love her so much why wow that is i'm just floored by that i'm over the moon what are the doing my thing what are the deep cuts that we don't know um dub on the track i'm not definitely gonna put a dub on the track yo and then she had like three grime mcs on it righteous you gonna oh you might oh you might on the track for the x fight for the a bad full of gifts like sand or I don't care if you're naughty or nice.

22:02Jesus. Do you not know that? Durb on a track. That's her. That's her rapping like a grand MC. No, no, no. She had three. That's a feature. Yeah, I'll tell you. It was. Lethal Bizzle. No. Jamie. Mike Righteous, Zephelis and Getz. And Getz on your debut project. Cher Lloyd. Getz on her debut project. Are you fucking kidding? Then she had Busta Rhymes, Mike Posner. She came out the gate fighting. Fighting. Every song on this. superhero woke up a superhero now you woke up a villain killing and killing oh whatever happened oh no you're fighting like Wonder Woman woman cause you hit me with you know kick so fast I look like back what happened oh I don't wanna fly I don't waste my time I'm not I can't fly I'm not I'm not superhero whoa whoa I love this album should we just make the podcast you singing Cher Lloyd songs yeah I'm over the moon So watch my head because I'm throwing rocks.

23:00They say the devil gave me wings and I can't be stopped. Because I rhyme like a bee, but I sing like a flower. I'm acting tall, so tall, like the Eiffel Tower. I rhyme like a baby, but I sing like a... No, a bee. Oh. Because it's like a butterfly. Okay, interesting. Subverting a little kind of Muhammad Ali thing. Because she's sick, yeah. Okay, but Sue, I think there's an interesting discussion to be had in... I get what you mean. Kanye did it. he just kind of takes I think culture vulture is the term then I guess that's how you stay on the top and what's the alternative he's not going to produce it himself say you're you're like three albums deep you're so I think you've gone global you're so I think third album you're on top but you kind of don't care anymore you're a loose end let's say you still care I so care Who's producing her album?

24:00I guess Arca probably at that point What if Arca's Arca's not busy for me Alejandra, come on girl What if she's washed? She can never be washed Yeah That's one to you about Alejandra She's my girl Yeah We don't know each other Don't you have some Interaction with her At some point in your life? No, actually Me and Arca Never met Okay Shy, can you put her on please? Yeah Come on

24:32I really liked it, okay That's okay Bill, is that okay? Is that okay that I like the Justin Bieber album? Is it okay that I really like the Justin Bieber album I still Oh yeah, Bill wants to give a brief shout out to Purpose Because that is one of the best albums ever I think Journals is underrated personally Can we we can be each other company oh company can be give each other company oh company it ain't about the this is gonna be good for our core listeners maybe but terrible for any new listeners so we just want to apologize for how obnoxious we're being, but welcome to the party, baby. But we do have a game.

25:25Oh, do we? Yeah, I've done another sweet game. So these are the Harrybo-Harry Potter collab. Can I just visually ID them before... No, no, no, because that's a fun thing. Okay, okay, okay. So this is the Harrybo-Harry Potter collab. We obviously did the Tantastic game last time. I just thought, I'm going to do it again. You can't say Tantastic. Tantastic. We did the Tantastic game last time, now we're doing a Harry Potter game this time. Please. We're doing this because Your sister-in-law is in Harry Potter

25:58Which is not not true Yeah she's not my sister-in-law But yeah Is she not? No because they're not married Can't go out What they're a modern Civil Yeah no that's not me Make it work They're not listening Wake it up Wake it up Yeah he doesn't listen He told me He definitely doesn't Anyway, so I'm going to give... Louie's going to open his mouth, and then I'm going to feed him a shape from Harry Potter. He has to guess the shape, and then it leads to a question. Okay. Okay. Close your eyes then. Sorry. Okay.

26:36What is that from Harry Potter? Oh, it's a thing from Harry Potter? Yeah. I barely know Harry Potter, Sue. It's quite like... If you thought Harry Potter, you'd think of this. A wand. No. Think quite literally Harry Potter A pot It is It is Harry Potter It was Harry Potter It was Harry Potter's face Okay that The Harry Potter question is Where was John Lennon assassinated?

27:01New York Central Park Yeah but outside what hotel? I don't know It was the Dakota Okay Moving on Who else is excited for the Beatles movie? It's four parts though And I can't be arsed Who cares? Why do we need to do that? Who cares? And someone told me they're splitting it. Who asked for that also? Someone told me they're not doing it like... I heard four parts. I was like, oh, they'll do it in like four stages. Four characters. Four stages. No. I thought four stages chronologically. They're doing it apparently from four... Like four characters? Yeah. Four perspectives. Surely that would get boring.

27:34We're just going to be boring anyway. Is that another Haribo piece? Yes, please. Okay. What the fuck is that? Ah... Okay, yeah.

27:51I'm gonna go Severus Snape's girthy cock Yes you're right Severus Snape's dirty cock question is who did Sher Lloyd bully at school when Sher Lloyd was on the X Factor it came out that Sher Lloyd had bullied a girl what was the girl's name Where's Sher Lloyd from? Near Wales but not Wales Catherine Jenkins' niece Whose name is You have to say her name Uh Sandra Sandra Jenkins Sher Lloyd bullied Sandra Jenkins All the way through Primary school No her name was Ophelia Blakewell Blakeway Well of course she got bullied With a fucking name like that And I'd bully her too Sorry Ophelia babe Sorry if you've got any listeners Called Ophelia Yeah she internet bullied But who hasn't done that Ophelia Bakewell Blakeway You fucking tass Yeah Right do you want the final one?

28:47Yeah Wait there's only three sweets Or there's only three questions? Well yeah Alright I think more questions in my head Right open them out

28:56It's Harry Potter's It's Harry Potter's Mandy Cola He's put a bit of coke in his Mandy Oh yeah nice Get him lifted To play Quidditch No it was actually the Soatin hat The Soatin hat I mean, and you people used to like this shit. When was J.K. Rowling's first transphobic incident? It's the month and the year. Fuck. What she did was, if you want an extra clue, she favorited a tweet saying that all trans women were men in dresses. So, yeah, I was going to guess it's in the last... It's in the modern era. Mm-hmm. I would say 2012. No, no, no, later. 16. No. Later? Later. March 8, 2018 That was when she kicked off I won't know Um Kicked off Wow Yeah Great questions Thank you Um Shall I Shall we talk about Um Most embarrassing things To happen to you as a kid That you've never told anyone about Do you want me to go first?

30:01Yeah I can also go too Yeah I say strapped up Um So Have you ever heard of Parents get lost? PGL Yeah PGL Yeah I went to the UK one And I went to the France one I think it's a good private school though So I went to PGL Osmington Bay Shout out Osmington Bay I think that's Dorset Oh that sounds posh that one And You know I'm in a little four bed dorm With Tom, Dick and Larry And whatever And We We sleep We go to bed Wake up the next day Teacher comes in the room sees brown marks on my sheets. You shit the bed. You shit the bed. And I, like, ardently am like, no way. Like, honestly, I didn't. Yeah.