press tours & goon squads

0:28This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. Storm has zero sugar and 200 milligrams of caffeine So you can turn that workout up a notch Good energy in, good energy out Energy for life Ethan with my chick while I'm in jail Boys, just be boys Just be boys Just be boys And what a wonderful role of masculinity that we can all learn from Thanks Nikki Thanks Nikki, you absolute jeb end yeah how you feeling about it um a bit let yeah um no um how am i feeling about it like she's been a crackhead for a while but now she's cracked do you think bees and trap is coming off the usb now yeah probably like it's time to just give her up which is a shame because i was listening to still i rise on in the car the other day and putting bill on to that old school nikki and now I have to just like bin her off.

1:25She's stupid. I honestly, like, my thing is that I want to talk about was... We're talking about Nicki Minaj, by the way. But Nicki Minaj, welcome to Straight Diva. But I think it's that thing, we're now hitting that point of like money in the world where people would rather sell out everything and everyone to stay rich, if that makes sense. That woman is broke. She's either broke or she wants to stay rich so bad and she severed all ties because apparently she's fell out of all she was like calling out Jay-Z and all that online and calling out Beyonce well but apparently Jay-Z's also got a pending oh yeah sex case they're all awful well the world's falling apart for them and they're doing everything they can, Nikki's husband's a nonce her brother's a nonce like she's a crackhead everyone knows it and why is she struggling for money is what I don't well so she's getting sued for a house did you see that on TikTok?

2:20oh basically her husband did something i think he hit someone or assaulted someone yeah so he was summoned to court and instead of going to court he wouldn't go so then they were sending like is it called summons where someone comes to your house and asks you to give you your papers send your papers and he's not been out from the door so then this apparently someone was like there was like an investigator like waiting saw that nikki's husband was inside knocked on the door he doesn't answer the door again so they haven't been able to accept the papers thus then that goes to your estate so then they can find their estate or something like that.

2:53Basically, bish-bash-bosh, it means that she's going to be losing her house because he's owed like$500 ,000 or something. And her house is like six mil. Okay. And so the only thing they can go for is like her house. So she might have to like sell her house. She's a crackhead, mate. I don't think looking at the video. So for context, if anyone hasn't seen it, Nicki Minaj went to a Turning Point USA, which is the alt-right, far-right think tank in America, the Charlie Kirk. Nicki Minaj. Just say that again. Yeah. Nicki Minaj. Anika Mirage. Babe. Chill. She's cooked, mate. She was being interviewed by Charlie Cook's wife.

3:34It's crazy. It wasn't on my bingo card. Babe, they've just been making stuff up this year. My whole thing is, it's like none of those girlies on that stage will ever win. And I don't think she believes what she's saying. No, she's just saying shit. Babe, I remember seeing her in Nottingham. She was going off about the LGBT community and how much, like, she loves them. She don't believe shit. The backbone of her life is that she must just be in so much hot water. There's clearly so much shit going on behind the scenes. Not that I feel sorry for her. Like, we all need to, like... It's not even boycott.

4:06It's just actually, like, call a spade a spade and call a crackhead a crackhead. Have a word with yourself. Yeah, do you know what I mean? A crackhead is a crackhead. You need to let it go. Like, Azealia Banks said it. About Nikki? Yeah, she was like, you're a crackhead. I bought that Cardi read of her this year No, I haven't seen it Your son's favourite colour is five I don't get it Because he's so stupid that he doesn't know the colours And he just said the number five Is that a video of that? No, it was like a tweet Your favourite colour is five? I think it's that I didn't have Cardi coming out on top in that beef I'll be honest I did We kind of knew it was happening And she won the real She may have not won the battle But she won the war She won the war yeah I wonder if we I've asked it many times I wonder if we'll ever sell our soul to the right wing I really hope not it can only be explained it can only be explained by money but it can't like because the thing is I think it's really getting to that point where I'm like I think the world is getting to that place where it's like you're actually not safe as in Nicki Minaj isn't safe no that's not a threat guys i think with everyone i think if you're like a big cause on any side of the on any side of the debate like so loud and so forthright and forthcoming i think what these like really rich people are like saying things and hiding behind really rich people i she's saying is to be on sides of like elon musk etc etc yeah she can just stay like up there right but like do they do those that honestly think they're like nothing's ever going to happen to them you can't keep kicking people and also people to like just be like all right yeah you're right i have no rights whatever and also pissing off a lot of her target audience that have loved her for a very long time yeah i just think i don't like it's not surprising but it's surprising i'm not too much of a fact like i am like i've seen her before i've seen her twice yeah and then i've also like i know like everywhere two albums but it's just kind of like i don't find this shit that deep or dark yeah i'm just like when someone is just like oh well that's that do you know what i mean and it doesn't feel like one of those where you could it feels beyond repair i mean there's one thing tweeting something peak she thinks she could come and then going to a donald trump rally with erica kirk who why releasing to erica kirk she doesn't do anything barbie a widow no shade and then like clickbaiting calling donald trump charming and handsome people who aren't in any type of control just yelling just random people quite like us actually but like it's just people just like online just yelling like you've huddled together a whole rally of alt-right people and you think that you saying their agenda will make you safe like nah babe they'll sell you down the river for like a packet of crisps right do you know what i mean you're nikki minaj you're like went like they'll get you when they want to get you they've seen the anaconda video like if they want to get you they'll just call you a whore or something that's what i don't get though is that You're not safe, babe.

7:09You've got someone with competitors. Yeah. Girl. But that's what I don't get is that the right wing, if the price is right, anyone can be adopted by the right wing. Anyone can be adopted, but they'll sell everyone down the river. It's just like, I think that's the thing that I find so funny about the right wing is it's so, like, the foundations that stand on are so weak that when one thing falls, they're just like it. It's the same thing with Epstein. The same thing was like all of that stuff. Like the minute someone's on it, they're just like, oh no, fuck that. Like, do you know what I mean? And people like run away and how quickly everyone like turns back on everyone or whatever.

7:49Like they're all fucked. Do you know what I mean? As they should. Do you know what I mean? But I think it's such like a vile like underbelly, but they do it to each other. Like even like these like right wing podcasters, like just like getting on podcasts and then the minute they can't argue for themselves. Like everyone's just like turns on them and they're like, yeah, he's not a person of God and stuff like this you're like what? like we're all losing it's crazy I wonder it's not even exhausting because it's just like watching like a world tumble on itself if that makes sense like you just have to be like alright then one rage bait clip at a time I wonder if there or wonder I imagine it will be when but a long time away before a trans activist gets adopted by the far right do you already have Blair White?

8:30I don't know who Blair White is well Blair White's a trans woman that is alt right and she just goes on and on but what like someone from the left goes right yeah they will it's money like it's a money game i think everybody i think when people you can't make that amount of money without exploitation yeah and i think if you have any types of exploitation like wait as her nikki minaj i could argue maybe not because she just it's debated though like if you have that much money like someone down the way is making your perfumes and shit do you know what i mean oh right i got you like i think that it's like always forget about the perfumes yeah like or like it's even like i don't know even like looking at if someone's a billionaire they've not got that out you've not became a billionaire without somebody dying even if you didn't know about it someone's died in a sweatshop or something do you know what I mean yeah I don't think you can be that rich without it there's exploitation somewhere yeah right got you Lily Allen had a Christmas party on Friday night did you see this I saw Lola Young was there Lola Young was there you know the Christmas party's good when Lola Young's got to make a statement saying she's going to come back I was like work Because people were just going to be like Is she meant to be doing this?

9:40Yeah and then she was like guys I'm going to come back guys I'm fine Thanks for understanding Love you Lola And someone else was next to Lola Young that I can't remember Olivia Rodrigo Olivia Rodrigo That came out today The guy she's with And Lily Allen is going out with One of the freud's yeah god they're everywhere them lot um they are they really they love it the world um but i got an exclusive he's 28 he's 28 and he used to date a friend of mine really yeah what's the tea the tea is probably something that i can't speak about on this podcast really i mean it's nothing bad like um no all right tell me after um but uh we we had someone on the scene at Lily Allen's Christmas party and I asked for a short review.

10:33The party was very subpar at the decadent Stringfellows. Good choice, but expected more glamour ultimately. The only drinks available were shots and buzz balls and despite all the paparazzi shots, I didn't see one celeb more famous than Lily Allen. Maybe there was another more important room. Also wasn't offered one line of anything, but guess she's sober and I was a break-in guest. Mirage was particularly broken by bumping into the 18-year-old sister of a friend from school. She also said the most memorable conversation Was someone inviting her To the horse races An American God these parties sound shit Yeah that's what I It felt very last minute Like I didn't know any I didn't hear about anybody going that I knew Bar this one person that I knew I think when you become famous Unless the party If the party's being photographed It's probably not good Yeah Like famous people can have sick parties but the ones that have a brand or promotion or it's a bit too influency yeah people are there to be seen incredible pr run from lily allen though incredible pr run from lily allen strength to strength and similarly incredible pr run from timmy fucking chalamet yeah are you bored of him yet or are you like well i'm not i don't really i see it and people repost him like good for you it's very much like timmy for chalamet to me is just a good for you vibe we had the zoom call and the fucking blimp we had break dancing on french tv we had drew skis could have been record show which that uh that voguing bit made me scream received yeah we had uh chrome hearts on the red carpet with kylie disgusting did you see that but will be remembered forever uh we have the fucking marty supreme jackets um i heard which will not go down well in history, I think.

12:26Really? I really don't think anyone looks cool in there bar him. Okay. Everyone going to the pop-up and then reselling them on Vintage 500. If you're paying for one of those, you're actually cooked, man. Do you think Denise Welch is going to be sent one anytime soon? Probably. Would you wear it if you were sent it? If I got sent it, yeah, but I was never going to buy it when people stood outside. And then obviously we have the SD Kid collab, which is phenomenal. And I would like to know his model girls down in Peckham. Just name her. I bet I know her. It's Talia. Imagine. That'd be fierce. I think most commented on from my mutuals post I've seen, like I went on the post today to see who's commented on it and like everyone I follow is like whoring themselves out to Timmy.

13:12Everyone from Dave, I've never seen any more, like everyone has reposted it. This is like the moment of the year for boring alternative people. Yeah. I think it's really fun Because I just don't care about men So it's just like nice to watch Because I'm just like not moved I'm just happy for them Like they look like they're really They seem like really nice boys Just having a nice time Yeah That's more so my thing Yeah Where does Timmy Chalamet rank On your kind of tolerable straight men? I don't mind him I think he's good I think he'd be a laugh Yeah I really enjoy how He wants to be the best at something And really tries his best to be the best Because I'm just kind of like Well Like good for you I guess But it's not like selling his soul to like well jazay maxwell yeah do you know i mean he's just like i want to be the best and i try really hard the glasses thing the glasses where he put like contacts in and then more glasses to make sure he couldn't see or something like that i didn't see that oh like i mean good for you but like why would you do it but back on the confidence thing i was actually having a chat with someone at your birthday oh yeah um and they were like me and laura were saying that we kind of didn't mind Timmy Chalamet's cockiness.

14:23Yeah, no. Because he backs it up. Because he's good, yeah. And it feels like it comes from a place of... I don't know if it comes from a good place, but he backs it up with being good at his craft. Yeah. And it feels... It doesn't feel arrogant. It feels confident. What the thing is, especially with him, is he was in films like Lowe Hunterney back in the day. Yeah. I remember watching a film with him and Lowe Hunterney in it, and you're like, and it was that, it gave very like, so like he's climbed the ranks and done his, done his dues. So it's like, well, bitch, like you can't knock the fuck out.

14:55He's good at what he does. And I, I think that is the thing. Honestly, it's the same as like when musicians, like I'm the best, they're proving it. They're the best. It's like, yeah. All right. Like if someone released Brat, like Charlie released Brat, but wasn't Charlie, it would have been awful. Yeah. But if you got something to back it up and then you go on to sell, like sell out everywhere, everyone names it somewhere after you. It's like, Well, yeah, you are. And I think people - You are so Julia. I think a lot of people, especially in like TikTok comments, are just kind of, they see any sort of confidence and they're like, oh, shut the fuck up.

15:27So, like, there's one thing being good at your craft and then filming all the time and then going out and doing a PR run, a successful and busy PR run. Do you know how hard that is? I haven't even done it back in only, like, from the small shit I've done, I'm tired. It's an acro. Like, that PR run is - It must be an acro. is yeah it must be insanely knackering and he's doing it and getting up and being a key so it's like well but also he's not doing like regular i don't know interviews q a chicken shop day yeah it's like he's doing very interesting music videos yes what have you um but uh yeah i couldn't think of a more memorable press run yeah i thought ariana and cynthia may have been up there but they've they seem to have kind of lost the public's favor recently because the film was shit though They couldn't back up this press film with a good film Because the film's not good I watched it the other day and I was like I still haven't seen it It's not as good It just doesn't compare to the first one And they're kind of It's nice though Their once kind of cute Slightly odd Demeanour and chemistry Has now become More terrifying Yeah I think also as well I think I mean not even on a small scale I'm not comparing it to myself But like even With us posting on social media If you post too much People do get sick of you That's the thing That is the crucial thing You're just being plastered Across people's feet Yeah and like If people do get sick I remember I always I know I've said I've mentioned it to you before But can you remember When Emily Sanday Was everywhere in 2012 And like her album Was doing amazing She had hit after hit And then she played She just was like Everywhere for like Two years straight And then she played The Olympics And I remember She sang at the Olympics And everyone was fuming Because she just Hadn't gone away Like if you are everywhere And you are like the sole person doing everything for ages eventually it's like you can be the most like even if Adele did that it would just be like oh fuck off Adele do you remember do you know what I mean or Beyonce did it it'd be like girl just go away or Niles Barkley crazy yeah it's just like it's like the modern equivalent of being played too much on the radio it's being on the for you page too much yeah exactly so I think he's doing it in a very inventive quick he's almost abiding by he's like perfectly chomping on on the bit oh he's chomping timmy chalamet has really perfected the chomp yeah he's chomping on the bit of fudge that is pr these days he's chomping on kylie's bbl hello sorry jesus yeah um and the only other memorable press run i could think of was the barbie with the album yeah that was good but then it faltered at the very end when it was the grammys and they gave the grammy to i uh i'm just ken yeah when the whole point of the film was like not auntie mambo like no and then the one that was also one of the weakest songs on the fucking yeah which which which was just like uh uh barbie you're so fine you're so funny you blow my mind um jump into the driver's seat a bullet in the speed drive whoa wow i'm always going down you're goon down you goon me down sis and speaking of the gooners so i think there's an article i want to speak about this week was it my birthday party in the guardian i'm joking it wasn't in the guardian you got guardian cover how many stars did it get five out of five eleven a reef do you want to speak about your birthday at all do you want to Yeah, we had fun, didn't we?

18:50I had a great time. We sent it. Everyone else, you know, bought seltzers. Yeah. I was there drinking a whole bottle of Buckfast to myself. Yeah, that was a rant. I saw that across the room and I thought, nah. Do you know those ones, like the party was so good that you woke up and feared you were jarring? Yeah. That's how you know you had a good party. Yeah. Because I woke up the next time and I was like, what the fuck? There was multiple things that I said to multiple people that I was like. Yeah, I haven't had anxiety like that in a minute. Yeah, it really was. Because I can't remember much Because I I went into the shop Apparently on the way And bought a bottle of vodka And I woke up the next day And he was like Yeah What on the way back from the pub?

19:27I can't remember that What? And I went in the next day By that point you were already Blacked out Yeah because I got People get by me drinks I was hammered Damn Baby I was sick the next day I was like sick Guys Sue has such a lovely group Of grounded but cool friends Thank you And they're all so beautiful Yeah they actually are all so beautiful And I only got with three people at the moment. Did you get with someone? No. I was going to say it would be fierce. Did anyone get with anyone? I got with Bill. I'm joking, we didn't. Did you say to the end? Yeah, obviously. Yeah. It wasn't even a late one.

19:58One of my New Year's resolutions is to try not be the person, the last person to leave. Who was the last person? It was me, Laura, James. Oh, you walked to Dalston, didn't you? Yeah. Was that fun? That was really fun. Oh, nice. We were just so ill. I fell straight to sleep, but I woke up the next day and I was, I've not been hungover. Do you know when you're so hungover that it lasts all day and then by the end of the day you're like, I actually have stomach cancer. Like, this is not well. Like, I'm not good. And two-day hangovers I thought were bad and now they're turning into three-day hangovers.

20:28And I'm just picturing the beast I'm going to be by January. I think I'm going to get a six-pack by January 31st. Good for you, girl. Yeah, I'm going sober. I probably will have a drink tonight, but I am going to go sober. I mean, I'm going to send it on New Year's, but after January 1st I'm going to be... Locked in. I have to. Like I'm really, I kind of shocked myself at how drunk I was at the party. Yeah. Singing Proud Mary. Was it Proud Mary? You were singing a lot of Dancehall. Oh, my God. I know there was a lot of Dancehall on, but no, I was singing. No, was it Proud Mary? Left a good job in the city.

21:04With Lucy's mate. Oh, God. Casey. Casey, yeah, Casey, legend. Casey didn't like Timmy Chalamet's comments. Really? He was like, sure. Yeah, you straights can have him. I'm sick of it. I don't need another straight man being cocky. Right. Good for you, girl. Shout out Casey. Yeah, shout out Casey. But yeah, we just sent it. It was really, really fun. We'll save our New Year's resolutions for a future episode, I think. But I do want to talk about this article I read called The Goon Squad by a guy called Daniel Collitz in Harper's Bazaar. And, you know, I feel like we say gooning a lot. Yeah, but I don't really know what I'm saying.

21:43Yeah. And this article is not just A really good Exposé of what The scene's about But it's fucking hilarious No American gooning scene And that's okay The British gooning scene maybe is something that we could explore But yeah to you What does gooning mean? I thought it was like wanking I think after I read this article it basically means Wanking professionally Like wanking to the point of... But how does one do that? Is that a porn star? No, sorry, like, as a consumer. So it's to the point where, like, you're joining a community, you're starting to incorporate, like, taste, someone's taste in pornography, you're buying multiple screens.

22:32For porn? Yeah, for porn, specifically for porn. Okay, I have no idea now, you've lost me. Well, let me... Could I read you a little bit? Louis, I would love that. a little bit. So this is The Goon Squad by Daniel Kulitz. I've just picked out some excerpts. So where were the gooners? A few seconds research revealed their home base, Discord, a social messaging platform not unlike Slack, offering a multiverse of... Plan B is a backup birth control option that's there for you when things don't go according to plan. It specifically works after unprotected sex and before pregnancy occurs by temporarily delaying ovulation.

23:07Plan B is available nationwide at all major retailers and through delivery apps like DoorDash. No ID, prescription, or age requirement. It's the number one OBGYN recommended brand of emergency contraception, and it won't impact your future fertility. That's freedom to be. Use as directed. Chatroom servers accessible by invitation. If Instagram was where millennials went to post infographics about racial disparities in income and policing, Discord was where Zoomers went to swap the screeds of lesser known school shooters or talk about gaming or whatever Zoomers did. This was supposedly where the online youth were headed Away from their parents Social platforms into private self-police spaces Little islands of affinity I joined the first relevant server I could find The Goonverse Which had more than 50 ,000 members I examined the rules It's not private, is it, that?

23:58I think it's like one of those You remember Facebook groups You'd have to answer a few questions to get in The basement I got some basement tea the other day Yeah, it's going down burning Some of the people that were most notable in the basement are apparently really bad dudes But I could have told you that I don't even know him Anyway, the goon verse which had more than 50 ,000 members I examined the rules which were at once surprisingly woke No hate speech no misgendering and strict enough regarding the posting of child pornography as to suggest a serious and recurrent problem Before entering I was prompted to choose my roles age region and gender I could make sense of, but things grew confusing from there.

24:38Did I want to be pinged for tournaments? Was I a hentai wank battler or merely a regular wank battler? These questions I answered at random, and then I entered a stream room. Picture this. You work for a masturbation factory in hell. You log onto your scheduled workplace Zoom call. What do you see? You see what I saw in the Goonverse. There was, inescapably, the porn itself, which occupied most of the screen, a hyperkinetic montage of tremendous penises barrelling into and out of Japanese cartoon heroines, crudely rendered CGI horsewomen and actual female porn stars. Then of course there were the gooners, arrayed side by side in boxes at the bottom of their screen their heads obscured, cut off by their cameras at the neck and their hands in frantic motion.

25:23Well they're all just wanking online? Yeah, together in a room well in an online room. Primitive fears from childhood surfaced in a rush God, that's giving nonce boots, girl. A gigantic omnivorous worm I once saw in a movie on TV, the uncontrolled swarm of colour that consumed the screen whenever my family's PC crashed, suggesting something organic and harm-intending which was supposed to just be a machine. One of the guys in the stream room was masturbating on the toilet. One of them looked like he was masturbating in jail. That's gay. Okay. I thought, this is interesting. This is a lot. I'll come back to this.

25:55I decided to try my luck on X where I found self-described hand pumpers and pump sluts praising for fat, juicy cellulite wobble meat. practicing goon craft and thirsting for goon fuel. For one thing, and crucially, most... So yeah, wobble me. That's me since I started taking hormones. Honestly, some of the language is so wonderfully inventive. For one thing, and crucially, most gooners do not regularly masturbate for 8 to 12 hours at a stretch, as I'd initially been led to believe. They tend to do that only a few times a month, the rest of the time masturbating for, and I really did try to calculate this, an average of 2 to 3 hours a day.

26:30In other words... Oh, me. Get alive, go outside In other words The goon state, so central to the subculture's branding and self-conception Is only rarely attained A sizable minority of respondents claims to have never reached it Never reached what? The goon state What's the goon state? It's like, it's the gooners like utopia Go state vibe Yeah, yeah, yeah It's like heaven, almost How were you going to reach that? You were in your room Just tossing yourself off Like runners high or epiphany in prayer The goon state is not the point of practice But rather it's occasional and unbidden reward You'll never get there if you don't put in In the work This is a pyramid scheme of pain You're never going to get there You're tossing yourself off It's not going to get better than that girl Herbagoon These are

27:27But I don't like Like, you, this girl, you are freaks, mate. These are the people that comment, like, two to three years, Dagestan. Two to three years, kill yourself. Like, you're weird. You're logging on and wanking with a bunch of men, faggot. Faggot with a drug habit. These are some quotes from people in the server. It's like being high while high. Intense bliss, pure happiness and love. It's so beautiful. It's sublime, like being washed away. it's like I'm in anti-gravity or covered in liquid as a porn addict babe it's just porn addiction tingles all over me brain fuzzy skin tingling all over you're having an orgasm no fears about coming because this was the real pleasure I was after and I couldn't come at that point if I wanted to anyway oh my god other gooners engage in wank battling a kind of competitive feeding in which players rate one another's porn selections on a 10 point scale it's like A &Rs it's like Pokemon cards for porn I learned all about it from Fuji, as he called himself, a 23-year-old Egyptian gooner I met while conducting supplementary fieldwork in a wank-battling server on Discord.

28:37Many things about Fuji were compelling. For instance, he'd spent months training his pubocococcus muscle in order to climax without ejaculating, and thus to spend even more time masturbating to porn. I don't believe any of this is true. I actually don't believe this is true. I do. No, I believe it happens. Yeah. But all the things that they're saying that they're hitting this, like, state. Right. You're on drugs. because you just masturbated so much that you can't cum anymore. They're taking too much L-Vant. You're actually cracked. Like, this is so cracked. I was particularly intrigued by his relationship with fellow wank battlers.

29:07There appeared to be a real tenderness there, as in this exchange Fuji showed me between himself and a fellow Goona. Squint very hard to the point of risking permanent eye damage, and you can almost see in Goon World the realisation of the 90s dream of the internet as an incorporeal, judgement-free, gender-fluid sexual playground. But I suspect what these Gooners might really be after is, Is it just men? Probably. Men and, but the article did say that there were trans women in there. So people with penises. People with penises. Fuck's sake. But I suspect what these gooners might be after, as one questionnaire respondent put it, the sense of community that these spaces offer, this being something that the modern world has become increasingly deprived of.

29:48I'd been surprised at first to find that out of 107 respondents, 47 claimed to be sexually active in some capacity. Yeah, that's a lie. Roughly 47 more than I'd expected, but a quick crunch of the numbers set things straight. Median age of the sexually active Goon are 27. Median age of the non-sexually active Goon are 23, i.e. someone in high school or college when lockdowns began. And my final sentiment, if you're still with me. If there is any coherent message to the sprawling folk art practices of Goon World, it is this. Kill yourself. Not literally, but spiritually. Where mainstream porn invites the straight male viewer to imagine himself as the man on screen Goona porn can constantly reminds viewers that they are alone That they are masturbating to porn because no one would ever deign to sleep with them ruin your mind go deeper Give up on life.

30:35These are pawns basic slogan goon pawns basic slogans the movements rallying cries Even noodle dude attain as tame a particular practitioner As one can find in this space and whose productions are non-goon and might conceivably find if not arousing at least not actively terrifying has adopted this attitude in the introduction to his recent video follow me a woman's voice whispers ominously or perhaps sexually that over 200 210 million people worldwide are addicted to social media you are one of those people keep scrolling further deeper forever and ever submit to porn you can't turn back

31:16girls you all like so there's some lost causes yeah in the world there's some people we need to talk about um it sounds like kink i think it's a lot of like it sounds like religion it's like yeah but it's rediscovered like kink and like bsm like but they've just found it in a way that they're in celly like you've just found it in a chat room instead like it's like i'm this stuff isn't new there's just new words for it and it's addiction it's kink and it's bdsm three separate things there and i don't think that those three things necessarily always go together um at all in fact i don't think they go together i think that you could like that whole thing where it's like kill yourself like you'll never get with anybody it's like okay degradation vibes it's so stupid that's just like it's very nihilistic yeah it's just like do you know it's men thinking they're really intelligent.

32:07It's like, okay, so you're edging, which is already a thing. Then you're gooning, and now you're making up your magical new muscles that you never, ever come. Then you're lying to everyone saying you're sexually active, because that's not true. Like, girl, miss me. Get a life. It made me feel better about being addicted to social media. But the thing is, I'm also not like, there's clearly a place for these divas, and I hope they're happy and well. Like, they're not, I suppose in a way, they're not hurting anybody. and they've found community they found community with other people with penises it sounds as though you're attracted to penis um i think i'm i mean i'd even say it's like dangerous or anything because they clearly just they're so busy that they're fine but i don't i don't necessarily think it's dangerous just because it's a boring race to the life you've just got a porn addiction babe and you've just been open up to porn and you normalize it so much that you think that it's like yeah i guess it's like the thing that's new about it is that it's these people have found community whereas if you're a porn addict traditionally it would have been a pretty private yeah it's just a bunch of porn addicts that are found you've basically gone and found kick but it's discord like there was things like this when we were younger but it was kick and you get nonced on like okay so it's a bunch of 27 years that was crazy and problematic in its own yeah no it's its own thing because they're not i'm not saying these guys are nonsense are 23 and 27 they're just a lot of like guys who probably hit like he said like college and high school around that time and then you just got locked in the house yeah and you don't believe that like you missed the fundamental stages in which the you know you can touch grass and meet people yeah i don't think this will happen again and i think this might be short-lived thing and if it's not then kind of like well done like enjoy your thing yeah have it like have it i'm also i'm not saying any of this in like uh if you do that like kind of good for you goon yourself to your heart's content just like weird goon yourself to your heart's content and then find out find out that it's not how everyone is talking about gooning they must be like you're not a real gooner right yeah i bet they hate it goona baiting me when like straight men say cunt like i'm just like you don't get it but like gooners must be like you don't get how to goon have you even spent 12 hours in the goon verse getting your meat out I'm alright I've got things on I've got a job babe that's the other thing yeah what are these are these people all living with their parents absolutely exactly how have they got the time to do this girl how are they surviving what's their diet oof the monster energy in that group chat heavy on it did you ever have a monster energy phase no look at me the white one's quite good actually I will say I will say right okay so the Goonverse thank you for bringing that attention to me now i know going into 2026 so crazy and the article you should read the article um because it's really funny although i did just like speak actually no that's only like 10 of it okay i have two more things on my list we could cover neither of them one was there's a video that's bbc news have posted about tilly norwood and the other and the other is uh the cold play kiss woman speaking out about how she she sat against the door isn't she shut on the floor or something i have no it's i think it's new york times article but i i read she's done a photo shoot for i swear and she's like sat really have i made that up i swear on the floor with her head in her hands yeah i hate both those topics okay i'm very happy i'm very i'm very happy to talk about them well all the i just think tilly norwood if you give it airtime it's just gonna get worse yeah fair enough well i don't really have much so i thought we could live react and she's just looking worse and then also this white woman's made her and she was like i wanted to like make her like because i i know how the female species i know how the female species look and then she was like and we wanted to make her like kind of like did she say she wanted to make her like racially ambiguous kind of thing yeah and she's just this white brune it's like what like where's the only reason i wanted to talk about it yeah like you fucking idiots yeah she's like i wanted to make her racially ambiguous but benefit from being white yeah yeah the only reason i want to talk about the cold play kiss woman speaking out about how it's ruined her life and she's had to resign from her job i mean it is pete like she was just having an innocent cheese that's what i'm thinking like um i just think it's and i keep seeing videos of what did she have to resign uh i wouldn't resign i'd go heavy pussy why isn't the guy resigning Yeah, well, no, but exactly, like, that's the point But it just made me think that, I mean, yeah Paired with kind of a lot of videos I see on my TikTok or Instagram reels It's like, we have, we do really have no privacy And I feel like older people in my life have been saying that for ages And I'm like, eh, who cares, whatever But, like, your life can be ended Obviously, it's very rare that you're going to be walking down the street And someone shoves a camera in your face but you really have no control over that happening and that being posted and there's a lot of horrible kind of I wouldn't even call it journalism but like shoving a camera in people's face and asking them a question and people encourage it I've worked for Braden's where people are like why don't we run up to this person why don't you get another interview meta glasses chirps and girls with meta glasses I saw a video by this gay and he was like, I was having a really rough day yesterday at work and this guy came in and then he came back out and then he came back to ask for his number but he was filming on Meta and he was like, can you stop filming me please?

37:46Guys, just let everyone know, that is illegal. Yeah. So even when brands are like, oh, you know, you should run up to this person with a camera in their face. I'm like - You're talking about when you do street interviews. Yeah, that's illegal. Like you then have to get them to sign off on that. Like whenever these people do it, it's like legally I will take you down. Yeah. Bitches better not run up to me with a camera. Yeah. I got a lawyer, bitch. Damn. No, it's true, though. You will not be doing that to me. Absolutely not. I feel sorry for the people that don't know what their rights are in this situation.

38:14Yeah. Like, you can't do that to people. So if someone ran up to me with a mic, I'd literally be like, suck your mum. Try it. Try it. The street interviewer speaks out. It's true, though. I would always, always get permission. Is you're on the mic. It's really, street interviews are crazy. because you're on mostly Brit Lane, you're probably on Carnaby Street or I never do them in London Fields because I'm like, you will not. People are like, do you want to do London Fields? I'd rather kill myself. At least Carnaby Street, you'll get a slight mix of people. Yeah, you go up to people and you first say, can we ask you an interview?

38:48Usually, especially now, you have to offer them a prize at the end. Either they're going to get a voucher, et cetera, et cetera. Or it's like for a good, like if it's for someone like Days, it's like easier because people want to be on Days, et cetera, et cetera. Then you go up to them. Then you ask them and then you film it and then you might all also have to film it again Like I don't get this thing in people's heads that people think you can run up people in camera I really disagree with that whole notion and then after that you have to then film them or get them to sign a form saying that They're happy for it to be released Really like yeah I've never done that for anybody But they can get taken but that's what I mean is they can get that taken down The first time I did a video that was street interviews We filmed each person saying I give consent Yes, yeah, yeah, that's it, yeah.

39:33And then the second and third time they didn't. But they can get you back for that, is what I'm saying. Right. Like they wanted that taken down. Yeah, yeah. Which is all right. And that's what I'm saying to you all. Like, I just would never do a street interview. Unless it was with my friends. And I'm a person that does it. We did one for Lauren Lyle's play. There you go. Yeah. But she did invite us for press night, which actually we should talk about right now. Yes. We went to see Most Favoured. Most Favoured starring Lauren Lyle and a lovely gentleman that I can't remember. Alex Arnold from Skins.