talking straight with bill!

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0:43Join the Nordiclub to unlock exclusive discounts, shop new arrivals first, and more. Plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack. Okay, so then maybe I'm like this. I hate that it feels like we're in that one direction now you're out but I could move it up no I mean it's that silly isn't it and this is an extremely serious podcast yeah extremely how does it feel what's your diagnosis of this podcast as someone who can hear the bits that don't make it and the bits that do make it someone on the inside I'll be honest I think I've listened to two or three episodes recorded as like a punter right but as someone hiding in the background I've heard quite a few full transparency for the audience nothing really gets cut out yeah we were trying to explain that to our editor hello Sue hi Bill are you okay yeah do you think the unfiltered nature of the podcast is we're all very close to each other we're close physically but also emotionally and mentally because we're all in mourning actually welcome to Straight Diva Sue's fanny died why is it called that?

2:18because I'm straight I'm in Scotland I'm in Scotland we're in Scotland and we are mourning the death of tina tina the fiat 500 died yesterday on the middle of the journey in the middle of nowhere at like 6 p.m at night uh and then we were pulled up in the middle of nowhere in the dark i feel like this could be um a good moment as a challenge for your new editor you could maybe say a few words so about tina and your um your your year with tina over which he could probably edit some like black and white images of you guys like laughing and tingling and stuff like that. For sure, like it started off beautiful and I think it made me really realise that like I was in fact Molly Mae and I was torn between going with a match colour with like the latte colour but we eventually went with the cream colour and we got the 3500 and then we drove it back and then on my first day on the motorway we nearly saw a car crash on the way to Hay-On-Y but we all knew I was depressed then remember that hey on my episode yeah hey and why um and um yeah tina has been a cunt and we bill has been desperately trying to love her and i've been like getting bill to love her but she's just done she's an unlovable bitch what and she's gotta go true fans of the podcast will know that tina was uh oh yeah we're in the in the car was a crucial uh set for us tina was there for us during trans rights threats to trans rights Tina was there for us when we were talking about the Sue do-rag episode you know what's really funny is we're saying Tina was there for us and like Tina's the same thing for the drug Tina yeah it's crystal I thought that was the whole bit oh but also it's not why Tina's called Tina no Tina's called Tina because she's TVK which is Tina very king very like Marie but with a V.

4:24Tina Varee King 2013 to 2026. Yeah, RIP. 13 years old, young. And it's come to its rightful quite a sudden end. I feel like we should talk about that, guys. Yeah. Who wants to... I think honestly you should, Bill, because... Or... Also, Tadishis, I'll tell you. Hi, I'm Bill Milner. I am the... What do you do? lots of things but primarily I'm an actor I also work at East London's trendiest cafe don't say cut that out Dusty Knuckle Gales and I'm also an all round good person you make t-shirts you make t-shirts make t-shirts yes Instagram I Kiss Bill go and check him out I'm not actually making any at the moment but I will be next month maybe and it doesn't mean you can't put some orders in or hit follow the reason I'm not making any right now is because we are in the highlands of Scotland the highlands we're on the Isle of Skye the Isle because mummy and daddy have a house I didn't want to say it for you but seeing as you've said it I mean I have a similar situation so I'll just come out and be vulnerable with you obviously the audience are like thinking wow I'm so proud of their bravery yeah here's the kicker Sue also has a second home so like let's not act like this is a north south thing not in the UK exactly she's got it abroad Thunderbirds mine's in Bulgaria babe we've been through this anyway we're at one of our second homes it's always better to just you know come out and be honest than to deny your poshness and then it turns out you're actually comparing yourself to people who are only slightly posher than you.

6:28Yeah. It's a losing battle if you try and say... Love is a losing game, Amy. No, we just happen to be in a house on the Isle of Skye right now. Crazy. I love Airbnb. Thank you, Airbnb, for spotting this video. But Bill's also my boyfriend, if no one knows. I think... I thought I did that. No, you never said that. Oh, right. You never said you were deeply in love with me. and I'm deeply in love with Sue. Yay. Good work. And therefore, Louis. Yeah. He sort of comes, it's like a package deal. Like Jed would. But it also means that Louis has to come on our holidays as well. Which is why we're all here.

7:15You're subjecting me to six hours of FIFA after this. And whiskey drinking. And Sophie's here somewhere. She was in the room. Sophie's here. Sophie's here. That's the whole thing that I'm guessing the podcast didn't hear is us driving Tina. Our last sort of good memory of the car. I mean, she did a good stint. Was Tina... Actually, on the start of our drive from London up to Isle of Skye, Tina passed 100 ,000 miles on her, like, milometer, whatever it's called. So that was... That felt really special. In fact, we have a clip of that. Yeah. So add that to the emotional montage maybe at the end.

7:50And then like Vanessa Carlton, after she hit the 100 ,000 miles, she just never did anything ever again. But she made it through a 12 hour. Yeah, it took her two days, but it was 12 hours of driving. We gave her a little break halfway. Sophie in tow. And then we get to the Isle of Skye. We spent a week here. It was gorgeous. And then Sue went back to London because she's booked and busy. Come on. But also would like to be more booked and more busy if any. No, no, we're not doing that anymore We thought it was kind of a bit cringe to ask our audience I mean, look, we're open to opportunities But you're right We don't need anything You guys don't I am currently unemployed as an actor I have a playing age of like 18 to 30 at a push And yeah, I'm willing to travel But tell us about your career, Bill When did you start?

8:48Are we, we haven't even. No, no, no. We're doing, we're doing yesterday first. Okay. Okay. So where are we? Okay. We got here. That's fine. Sue's come back from London, booked and busy, but we're not doing that. I flew back with Louis. We were delayed. Yeah. Let's start. I think. Yeah. I think I'll start. You fill in. And then when we land, we're going to switch to your narrative. And then you're going to give us exact your perspective. It's going to be like. Are we doing the context of. We're going to do the film. And then it's like, oh, I think I thought this was from Lou and Sue's perspective.

9:18and it's like, wait, no, Bill's the protagonist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay? So we have a flight at 1.20 p.m. from Gatwick Airport to Inverness Airport where Bill is then going to pick us up. In context, the pickup drive from the Isle of Skye to Inverness is like two and a half hours. So I've got to set off early. Early and waste a lot of time picking us up. Waste. Spend. Yeah. Enjoy. it's a five hour round trip but to be with my loved ones it's a commitment yeah and trains aren't really a major thing here no it's the kyle of la couch line three and a half to kyle of la couch and then an hour yeah from kyle yeah so it's not really saving anything anyway speaking of trains uh the gatwick express was down for the first time in my life i think i don't know i've never known a train to gatwick not be running uh so that was the first issue of our day got a cab for an ungodly amount of money from Dalston with Sue.

10:16But you know, it was happy, felt a bit classic, but it was fine. Then we get to the airport, get herded in with the ugly toffs on the flight to Inverness, who pretend they're Scottish. It's other people going to their second home. Yeah, exactly. Know your crap. And they were rancid. We were being loud in a fun way. Sue almost told a kid to fuck off. Yeah, no, because this old man was in front of us and then they let this like mum and kid like in front of him and then they all just proceed to go really slow and there's like a huge queue of people because we got told we were delayed, right? Two hours.

10:54So we all had to leave like the lounge that we were in at the gate. So as we were leaving, this old man lets this like mother and child get through, which is fine, but like move too. Like keep moving. You can't hold up a line. And honestly, it like slipped up to the point where it actually embarrassed me. I fucking hell she then turns around and then Sue quite artfully glances away as if she was just like didn't say it shouting it into the air really which I was which I was let down by the fact that I did that but like it was so so and this man didn't need to let them in they weren't trying to get in either like it wasn't like they were trying to wait for someone to let them in like they were just there and it's like oh man oh my god just old cunts everywhere yeah I'm quite bad at walking behind slow walkers but you're I'm really bad you're even worse I'm awful at it and especially in a certain time like that where you've just been told yeah that we delayed two hours then we watched the then we you know killed some time did a Q &A on Instagram how did you kill time in the airport?

11:51Q &A on Instagram got you a squirtle yeah plush toy thank you so much should have got Bulbasaur but you already had it but I knew that Bulbasaur would have been your favourite and then we did a gorgeous Q &A with our gorgeous followers then we watched the Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 scene where no Russian where they murder civilians in an airport and we watched that in an airport, which was quite cool. Yeah. And then we finally got on our flights to Inverness and then as soon as we land... I have a text from my gorgeous wife. Sue gets a text from Bill Milner saying what? Call me as quick as soon as you land.

12:30Call me as soon as you land. That was because on the drive over, Sue had kindly told me that she was two hours delayed or the flight was two hours delayed and so I was already halfway which meant that I just had to continue on to Inverness if anyone has ever had to try and burn two hours in Inverness you'll know the challenges that face me already today and what did you settle on as the as the best thing to do in Inverness? Halfords I went to Halfords um because um RIP Tina but I still at this point she was alive and i was trying to love her dearly and so i bought her windscreen wiper fluid which by the way they do scented windscreen wiper fluid which is hilarious because who's that for because you're inside the car um there's berry flavored windscreen wiper fluid but i went for an original uh which is blue right um and i also got some brake lights which by the way didn't work but that doesn't matter because tina's dead she's dead um so i went to halfords sorted tina out as best i could and then i drove to the nearest retail park um where i um bought some wellington boots from a mountain warehouse lovely and also some gloves and then i had a nando's uh i enjoyed my nando's what did you get nando's three wings four thighs yeah uh bottomless drink of which i only filled up once okay i know how to get you all right then i uh leave with all my goodies go back to the car to then meet uh louis and sue only to find that tina has decided not to turn on i then ask a friendly person if they could help jump tina tina said i don't feel like jumping today and so i said thank you and move along and then i found uh four strapping young lads to help me push Tina in the hopes that she would spring to life, which she did.

14:31But unfortunately, before that, the payment was for separate blowjobs. So a bukkake had to take place in the Nando's car park. This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50 page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responses set up required. Compatibility and availability varies 18+.

15:05Legally, we can't say drinking Storm makes you smarter and more focused. But with zero sugar, 200 milligrams of caffeine, and immunity support, you're smarter and more focused for drinking Storm. Storm. Good energy in, good energy out. Energy for life. And which one did you give one to? which one yeah all of them all of them it was crazy well because uh you did say there was an alpha there was an alpha he was uh the taller one uh obviously the group because yeah and the strongest tall men rule and he felt very strongly about how one should bump a car uh and he was wrong sorry i'm an absolute cuck beta male i obviously listened to him and tried about four times using his method only to then just be like you know what can i have a go and did it first time so fuck you alpha i'm sorry for contact because i didn't even know what bumping a car was i'm sure most of our audience does but just in case they definitely don't you push a car you can either jump a start a car or you can do this you can push a car like down a hill or on flat ground downhill obviously helps downhill would be risky though no no no no and then you put it in second gear and he try and like lift the accelerator no the get clutch yeah the clutch and he's trying to make it work but so we got it running so he's like i can't stop the car so yeah i then um using siri and things obviously i'm not texting and driving i uh message sue and i say tina's taking a turn for the worst so as soon as you get out of the airport i'm gonna keep the engine running you're gonna get in the car and we're just gonna have to drive all the way back sky i've got four lads in the back yeah they've just ejaculated yeah they've just ejaculated so they're nice and relaxed it's gonna be a squeeze we'll make it work and so really what looked like could have been a disastrous moment was feeling great we were all together feeling great you were a bit frazzled for sure as as one would be in that situation but tina was rolling and we had two and a half hours to get to Sky and it was fine everything was going to be fine my neighbour Craig he knows how to deal with cars shout out fucking Craig we'll get on to Craig this is going to be the whole episode isn't it yeah I'm going to have to come back one that's more about me an actual Kiki yeah

17:32you're doing great right so then yeah Craig knows about cars so I thought we'll just get to Sky and then we'll deal with Tina afterwards we get about an hour into the drive when all of a sudden like everything the radio turns off radio and then we're like did you just do that the airbag light comes on the engine bag light comes on the abs light comes on that's power story for anyone that doesn't know that was fucking crazy suddenly have to like yank it around corners and then we just slowly rolled to a stop right in front of this sign that said dundrigan uh which even for locals i don't think locals know where Dundragon is.

18:12There is nothing out there. Yeah. We were like 500 metres away from being like out of phone signal. We were so lucky that we landed in a pocket where there was... I've actually got... I haven't told either of you this yet, but I do have a 30 second video of like the minute and a half where the car was dying. No, you don't. And I haven't watched it yet. Play it. Shall you enjoy it now? Yes. Yeah. Oh, but I'm filming. Oh, shit. Okay, we'll just have to put it in like... We'll superimpose it. We'll watch it later. Okay, wait. We'll just like... No! Shit. Yeah, that was... But the first thing was, Louis had bought us the lighting up gloves from Amazon.

18:56So we just immediately lit up and had a tiny bit of a rave. Honestly, the... Oh, I mean, the like two hours that we were waiting in that car were actually amazing. Flew by. The spirits were high. Yeah. The light-up gloves were lighting up. So we called our friend Craig. Two of the best hours of my life at my age. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think when I died all last season, two hours. It could have been a hell of a lot worse. We missed out one crucial detail was that, well, firstly, I've never seen a car die like that. I've never seen so many lights flashing. It felt like we were about to take off or die.

19:30I don't know which one. And then the other thing was is that if we broke down like two minutes earlier or two minutes later, we may not have had signal. which would have been a game changer. Yeah. How are we then going to contact Craig to come and... And then Craig, like within, like, he said he'll be there in a time limit. He was there well before it. He comes speeding down the highway and he's like, pickup truck. It was fierce as fuck. Craig, who is a local RuneScape champion. Yeah, local legend. Fit, girls. Race driver. Get yourself on Craig. Yeah, he's got loads of cars. Legend. He's got a lovely house by the sea and he's a fisherman.

20:07yeah legend and he's got a nice demeanour gorgeous person shout out Craig Craig came and picked us up we just dumped Tina on the side of the road we saw see you later girl and to be honest I don't know she's still there she's still there we drove the final hour and a half yeah we've littered a whole big car just on the side of the road sorry to that farmer and now we're on Sky but also without any yeah we can't get off Sky and he means transport but that is why the mood in camp today is a little bit somber because we're mourning Tina but we're here now and we're having a nice time and that's really the story.

20:44Yeah but I would just reiterate that it was much funner than I thought a situation like that would be. Largely thanks probably to Craig saving the day, picking us up despite him not having a seatbelt in the back for me and driving like an absolute maniac. Craig if you're listening I hope you don't mind me saying that. You're very good at driving like a maniac. You're very safe but you do drive like a maniac. And yeah, I don't know. I didn't expect to have such a good time with you guys. I don't think, neon gloves or otherwise. For the audience actually, this is the first time that Sue and Louis have spent more than 24 hours together.

21:27That's a great point. We've never even had a sleepover. Fine. Great, obviously. No, it's been really easy. Yeah. I'm neurodivergent. I think I know how to, I was saying to Bill, I think I know how to read you by this point. Sometimes I do just go quiet. When you just need to be left alone a bit. But what's fun is you can sometimes sort of weaponise that as well. Well, I think that's a true sign of friendship is when you can prey on people's weaknesses. They've been play fighting, it's really cute. So Bill, what do you think about the rise of AI in your industry, which is acting

22:08give a fuck honestly has Tilly Norwood got back

22:17how was it to play young Magneto in the X Factor series you actually gave me you gave me the Tilly Norwood gag that went viral yeah I'm also a joke writer yeah straight diva industries straight diva industries that's the only time I've ever stolen a joke on the podcast never ever other stolen a joke obviously obviously sorry we were talking about Magneto do you yeah was that fierce um yeah yeah um it's great to be part of the MCU and and the money was amazing sorry no it wasn't really and you would you like to talk about any anything that you've been in whoa whoa whoa we're just fucking going past the Marvel comic universe just like that yeah yeah I actually I hate that wait hang on I think the one thing it's DC no?

23:08no it's Marvel DC's Batman Marvel's X-Men is it? yeah I will say this about being very briefly I will add in the MCU playing young Magneto is that I've never monetised off that and been invited to any of the you should go to Comic Cons Comic Cons and things like that I have I have so many great stories and I love interacting with the public and I've got a really beautiful signature and I love money. Does it happen? Does it like, is it happening and they're not inviting you or is it they're just not doing it? I think that might have missed the boat on this film that I think came out in like 2016 is also that part.

23:51But we've got pals who go through these things and back in the day they used to pay in cash and you'd come home with a briefcase full of cash. Well, my brother's partner. Oh, he's in Harry Potter. does a lot of that yeah does a lot of keeps you keeps you going yeah it's a really good money maker god you've got acting on that but you do have to hang out with stinky nerds all day so I do that anyway so your first role was in sort of Rambo playing the the main one yeah Will Prowford in Son of Rambo yeah and it was you and Will Poulter yeah just acting away yeah is that anything fun just is that I remember watching that when I was younger because it was on Tumblr it was on Tumblr loads and now it's on YouTube you can watch it for free and now it's on YouTube yeah YouTube for free did you like that?

24:44did you like that one? you're so good at this thank you yes any joyful memories? so many yeah great how did you get cast for it? oh this is a poignant moment actually the person who cast yes, Clippable no, it's not sadly but it's more of just a nice moment to mention Susie Figgis who is a casting director who recently passed away and she was the person who I suppose found and cast both Will and myself and yeah rest in peace so thank you Susie yeah, rest in peace thank you for where the fuck did she find your story ass? at Dragon Drama which is a drama group that I went to after school you were queening out that young drag and drama drag and drama that's good drag and drama I did I think inadvertently drag drag and drama when I was about like 13, 14 why?

25:49because I was on the one show

25:55I was on the one show and I think getting interviewed yeah with Michael Caine By Alex Jones. Oh, yeah, because your second film was with Michael Caine. Yeah. Your second film was with Michael Caine. Yeah. And Anne-Marie Duff and David Morrissey. Shut up, Anne-Marie Duff. Exactly, and David Morrissey. And that one. I Googled him earlier. I don't know. But I was on the one show and I think, is that still recording, lads? Yeah. Oh, it just doesn't move. It's counting. It is moving. It just doesn't move with it. Yeah. All right. Sorry, it's not my business. No, no, no. I appreciate your concern. I'm actually just going to be still rolling.

26:29I'm joking I said of Dragon Drama on the one show I think I was just trying to be humble and also be like I wasn't like a stage kid and I didn't have deep dreams and desires to be an actor, kind of still don't now I really enjoy it and I'm really good to see it but it's also not my raison d 'etre which means the reason to be in French yeah is it not? no what is? to love to live to love to laugh to clock transsexual I like doing lots of things and I'm really grateful that acting gets to be one of them but also kind of fuck you acting because it hasn't been the thing that's like been keeping me busy busy busy so I might as well enjoy all the other great things in my life whilst acting whilst acting when I can which is all the time at the moment super available and free and then Then after that, you went on to do a Tame Impala video.

27:32I love this. You're just running. I'm trying to like. Have you read his Wikipedia? No, I'm just trying to remember things that you've done. It's like acting. Yeah. Yeah, a Tame Impala video. I'm just curious. Video directed by David Wilson. Wonderful. Fierce. Director and human being. That was fun. And actually, it's something that I get recognized for quite a lot. because it was really at the time when like people would go on YouTube and watch music videos. Where's that gone? I haven't seen this music video. It's great. It's me as a secondary school student at school and there's a sexy teacher.

28:12One of my favourite narratives. Yeah, she pulls that skirt and she's like doing that and then I go to like, I don't know, the staff car park where she is she's smoking a joint and i get in the car and all of a sudden it goes like animated and we have this like mystical amazing moment of sex perhaps wow and then there's like a baseline song by like h2o that has a very similar narrative not saying like barbie girl oh sorry no that isn't h2o one of like no that's aqua you mean oh h2o which is the same thing H2O is like a northern baseline pop thing from the noughties oh I don't know H2O hey hey hey hey hey I'm thinking about you oh yeah I'm thinking about you yeah I'm a little shit baby right what music video or moment was your sort of sexual awakening guys I didn't like toxic Britney Spears oh nice or Womanizer by Britney Spears as well or Gimme More by Britney Spears Gimme More by Britney Spears Mine was Mine was Tattoo I don't think she's there I don't think she's there And I think Girls kissing Chain of thanks It's rain as well None of this Awaken me sexually That was amazing Everyone can kiss everyone I'm like gay gay Gimme more by Britney Spears I honestly don't remember Things like that What?

29:44Yeah I don't I really don't I never had that Because you put it all out No just because I was exposed to it early so I was just like oh it's constantly turned on and then you went on to do a film called iBoy on Netflix yeah which was Netflix UK's first original movie yeah the first original Netflix film from the UK and that's probably the most notable thing about it I did have a really good time filming it I just don't know how good it was I loved it hey no people and people do and that's great it's it's not my cup of tea um but i am still proud of it um you seem quite suspicious of technology or like you just ambivalent you don't want to talk about technology i just i don't even know what iboy is about but i'm sensing a kind of thread uh in your response to the question about ai oh right to your stance on the film iboy that maybe there's a little pattern forming here okay um what do you think for the musician grimes You also quite like...

30:45I've never heard a Grimes song in my life. Are you joking? You're music people. I'll never know. Yeah, but you like cool music. You like Frank Ocean. Oh, that one. I like Frank Ocean. Grimes. Oh, she's got a song with Janelle Monae. Pink and... I also don't rate Janelle Monae. Bloody hell, what do you like, Bill? At the moment... Knitting, making t-shirts. yeah yeah I'm a crafty girl at the moment he likes the Beatles much to Sue's dismay wanker I'm not like a fan of the Beatles but I do recognise their importance in music John Lennon's Plastic Ono Band is one of your top five albums of all time I'd say one of the greatest albums of all time it's not true but you don't even know what it sounds like she did no she does Sue when we were first getting together we sent each other a few of our favourite albums to listen to guys I need to get out Angela Angela girl I'm just getting it from two ends you're used to that

31:54no man 1-0 1-0 no man no and then she'll see and then she'll see and then you other films you've been in you've been in stop just listing films why I'm not asking you about being an actor yeah I don't know it feels funny like talking about being an actor because honestly the last like two and a half years haven't been the most fruitful and so again like i said like i really do enjoy it and i am good at it but equally it kind of feels like i'm like chasing this thing that like isn't ready to because i'm not being more like davidus but like lure of me back in the way right and so yeah and also like i i've been an actor in some senses for 20 years now it's crazy like there are times where i've had really lovely moments and i've got to experience amazing things and i've got to travel the world and film in amazing places or like go to premieres or meet friends from all over the world and i've had like great moments and memories from that but also the stuff outside of acting it does all feed back to the fact that i'm an actor like the fact that i live in this house is because of iboy and we filmed in that area and that's why like we decided to move there and all of those things are connected to it but in terms of like acting myself and like talking about like my career and stuff i'm it's not like i'm feeling like a bit of a fraud or like i'm feeling like a bit like down about it no i don't it's just like i don't really feel like it's the most interesting thing about me when it genuinely isn't like i've last year the last 365 days i did two days on set and so it's like but also that's like someone being like yeah i'm really into skiing and like when's the last time you skied that are four years ago.

33:57And also, I'll say this, no one wants to hear about your fucking skiing. Just that. Here we go. All your dreams. What's your take? It would be the first one to Louis, wasn't it? The skiing was to Louis and the dreams were to me. No one wants to hear about your ski holidays. No one wants to hear about your fucking dreams. It's one of the few things about my posh upbringing that wasn't a very posh is I only went skiing once. Right. You like skiing. And my family didn't like it. I like it, but it's too expensive. I haven't been in years. I've never been skiing. It's great. If you have the means to, it's fucking sick.

34:34I always resent my brother for like trying to pretend. Posh people sometimes pick like one thing. Oh, that's so fucking pot. Like skiing. Yeah. And it's like, it's okay. We get it. You're posh. You want to find the thing that you don't like. If you look at the facts, skiing, you're in beautiful mountains, eating beautiful food. Apres Apres kind of lame No but not in that like Attracts a certain breed of Yeah I genuinely have no idea What you're talking about Apres is when people Drink after skiing Okay Anyway Loud EDM music And like Chelsea people Oh god that actually That honestly Sent a shiver down my spine But you know You could go to Austria Or Andorra Okay It's not Yeah Okay you don't like the skiing I skied in Japan There you go This episode is brought to you by State Farm.

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