tangfastics vs men

0:00For decades, a shadowy organization called the Lemonati has kept lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Look around. Lemon forward sodas. Even lemon forward songs. We ran the tracks, slowed them down, reversed them, and squeezed out the truth. All hail for lemon. That's lemon propaganda right there. But now, 7up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda. Join the 7up rising. Flip the sip. Should she say that about the kisses? Is that weird? She doesn't care. She presses send. This is the love story of real hinge couple Daniel and Roisin, written and read by me, Rufy Thorpe. Listen to the free audiobook now.

0:46Piss. Piss. Piss. Hello. Turn you. I love you, alright? I'm alright, thanks, love you. Go on, shop. Does everyone want anything from shop? Is everyone fancying any sweet treats or anything? Just to reach around, please. Hey! Wait. Guys, I have depression Hi Sue Hello What's up with your depression? Oh, I've been bullied Joking, I'm not, I'm not Have you had an issue in the workplace? In my life I'm here for you Yeah HR, this is HR, look at the camera Hey This is HR How you doing? Good, how are you? Good Nice, we're going to do a really good and fun act Yeah, we've decided We've decided to be really funny Yeah, okay because even though our natural predisposition and performance is always enough.

1:39Yeah. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes we need to turn up the fucking silly dial. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oi! Stretch it out. Hey, so I've just taken a beta blocker, so I can't feel anything. I'm ready to laugh. Cool. Okay. How's your week going? Really nice. Yeah? Yeah, really nice. I've just been away with the wife. So we went to, I don't even know where we went. We just got in the car and we bought this Airbnb and it was this like cabin and there was a bath outside and I was there for two days with delivery for my life and we just had the rest of the time. Okay, great. Gorgeous. What?

2:19Just, Susan. Just enjoying ourselves. I actually haven't checked if you're all right with me calling Susan. Yeah, it's funny. It was what I was originally. Got a tattoo there. Oh, what? Yeah. God, I'm so not observant with some specific things. But yeah, we were just there loving each other. Was it a much needed little recovery? Yeah, we smoked cigarettes, ate good food and drank loads of wine. Really loads of natty wine. It was actually lovely. Because obviously... I'm scared of the dark though. When it went dark and I was like... Are you all right? I'm jarring.

2:57Tietua! means shut up in French. You realise you're scared of the dark? I'm scared of the dark too. I'm pet child of the dark. I'm going to grab that dark and I'm going to drown it. Sophie, could you fucking do something about that, mate? Is that not annoying anyone now?

3:19Do you know what?

3:23Look, we're all angry. Can no one else hear that? We're all angry. Can you only not hear it? Yeah, I know. I was on a beta blocker I'd be climbing up that wall like the Incredible Hulk and I'd kill that fucking dog Get done for GBH GBH probably more than that Murder I'm the owner Okay She's grabbing it Thank you Thank you Thanks We're just trying to do a podcast down here Thanks It's inside still barking Still near the bastard Which reckon's more annoying to the other neighbours the dog barking on the sound of us It's funny I actually did it in retaliation what was I saying natty wine no I'm scared of the dark I'm scared of the dark I must talk about natty wine I'm absolutely scared of the dark because the minute the sun went down and it got dark and it was just like the forest, there was like a sheep field next to us, I wanted to die so I have a theory on this I think it's being in the pitch black is way more scary when you're out of a city like if I've ever been on holiday and I'm in pitch black i'm like whoa yeah i don't know if it's the lack of natural light at night actually no it's brighter because you often get the stars but it's like it's it's the fact that it's complete silence yeah but i was thinking and i was just like crunching in the trees really start the minute the sun's out i'm just like dick out like we were very like it was a middle of nowhere we were like naked all the time which is kind of fierce like not me in my nudist era is it was it airbnb or hotel airbnb oh god sophie tart stop licking me so yeah just pure pure bliss it was real pure bliss i was just in that bath 24 7 just drinking wine smoking cigarettes and just being a nerve oh and watching this group chat go by oh yeah sue started a group chat for her uh new ep coming out and it is mental.

5:14It really is. I've looked in there about twice. Have you seen it recently? No, because it was too much. People started fighting each other last night. Well, it wasn't that they were fighting each other. Everyone was just like getting a bit. It's like I muted it for an hour and I'd missed 200 messages. Everyone's talking about the boo-boos. It's a good place to be. We're going to do a call on Thursday. The boo-boos and my chee-chees. The boo-boos and my chee-chees and my cece. But yeah, it's a good place to be. I don't I I I We speak to my therapist about it Where it's kind of like I'll come in and we'll have a chat And then I'll leave That's how I'm doing it at the minute Because Yeah It's a nice community For everybody Exactly I hope everyone's enjoying it But like I can't Engage in it I don't think anyone Would expect you to Unless they're a freak Yeah Like yeah I mean Nobody should expect anyone To be on a group chat 24-7 Yeah I'm not very good at group chats anyway No And it's one of your biggest flaws I'd say Yeah yeah I hate group chats I think you're missing out Yeah Yeah, so yeah, that's going well.

6:11What about you, Leda? I'm good. I am feeling empowered because after feeling overwhelmed, shall we say, they're here. I'm just going to ignore it. The men are here to get us. To get us. After feeling overwhelmed with too much on, I'm starting to say no to things and I'm learning the power of saying no. Saying no, yeah. So I'm starting to Newsflash If you're listening Drop a couple clients Sorry Year done And blockading Evenings for myself Yeah Non-negotiable I can't do anything Yeah Because Sue I just get lost in the sauce And anytime Anyone wants something from me Yeah I'm like well yeah And it's either because I don't want to let them down But I feel like that's a bit of a cop out Because I'm such a people pleaser It's more just like Well FOMO So fucking socialising Work, dating As soon as anyone Is like do you want to hang out I'm like yes So I'm being really proactive To try and fucking say no I honestly I think it's a really good thing I also at this time I just can't say yes to anything I just don't open the messages anymore someone's like do you want to know I can't open your message that's where it's gotten to because realistically all I do is work and then I come home and I just want to be home so I even struggle in the day like today I was meant to be at a session that I completely double booked so this morning I woke up at 8am and then I was like fuck I went to be in a session so I had to cancel it sorry sorry to that man nothing personal as you might be able to tell it's really nothing personal I just double booked and I couldn't believe it.

8:06And then life just gets so busy. Sinking feeling when that happens, isn't it? Oh, it's the worst feeling. But. I'm consciously anxious. Constantly, not consciously, but also. You got a call with management in 36 minutes. In 36 minutes. Do you know what I mean? Maybe bring this to them and go like, I need you guys to be more of a filter for me. Well, yeah, I think it is that. And I really don't like wasting time in my life at the minute. It's saying that. We were meant to meet up earlier, so instead I just slept all day. Yes, and for reasons out of my control that I won't go into, where it was housebound.

8:36Yeah. No, and it's not your fault, I'm just saying. My alien versus predator dildo was like meant to come at 10am. And it releases eggs and like, they're like live eggs so they're like ostrich eggs. It's crazy.

8:53Oasis are back. What? The normies are out in full force. I'm sick of hearing Britpop already, girl. Put the guitar down. I think Pink get dude Exactly like All the cool magazines Are doing Britpop Cool You ain't cool No Britpop is boring It is boring So boring But the thing I really don't like And I wanted to get your take on Is women Is Gay people Is Everyone fucking creaming themselves Over like The set list So like In case you Are unaware They're like there has been a huge kind of reaction and mania about like what uh their set has been because they played like one or two gigs now i think they started in cardiff um not not putting myself as an as a oasis hater here at all anyway um people have been going mad over the set list spotify love you guys love you guys so much but spotify made a playlist about it yeah there's been huge discourse about the set list and i just think it's like where is the fun yeah it's like opening your fucking presents before Christmas.

10:05Yeah. Except, you know, the presents are going to be kind of mid anyway. Yeah. You know what I mean? The presents to 40-year-old men just howling. It's like when... Why would you want to prepare for a gig? Well, yeah, no, exactly. People used to do the same with Charlie at 6. It's like... Does she do Taxi? It's like as soon as... It's like then, okay, I'm going to learn the songs so I can have a better time. Yeah. Surely that's like... Jeffo. Preparing for anything is going to remove fun from it. But men aren't fun. Yeah, but the gays and the girls are doing it as well. Well, they're not going to...

10:37Charlie XX. Oh, no, but that was because we needed... Yeah. That was kind. Because we were on, like, Set FM or whatever it's called, girl. We were logged on. Because it was, like... She'd, like, do, like, Lucy Liu or something. Right. Or, like, Umu would DJ Lucy Liu and everyone would be like, wait, what is this song? Right. It's that unreleased brand you're not going to get. It's not like... That's different. That's an unreleased song. And it's like, what is this? Whereas it's like with Oasis They're just doing what you think they're going to do I'm going to spend 300 quid To go and see Oasis at the fucking MEN arena And I'm going to learn Was that the point?

11:12No Manchester Evening News arena I thought you just called them men It's like a few girls And I'm going to learn every song by heart And I'm going to film the whole thing And then I'm going to post about it on X Anyway that's um that's a little bit i wanted to get about um oasis in other music news this week um i feel like we've hit um yeah on this on this week's episode of am i being a cynical arsehole so um fontaine's kneecap uh played last weekend in finsbury park it was a resounding success i wasn't there i wasn't but i had friends there and they said it was very real i feel like you know CMAT is popping yeah the love of your life said it was the best thing he saw yeah it's like even we were in the car the other day and he was like you play a CMAT song please mm-hmm just constantly and I you just kept requesting CMAT in the car in my own car you know better than you know he's driving my car music in the car come on yeah it's either me or CMAT okay I'm at Havah.

12:23Strong. Havah. Take a sexy picture for me. Ooh. Okay, but... And I'm all here for this Irish moment, right? In the UK. But I've seen it happen before with other music scenes. With Welsh music scene. Do you remember Charlotte Church? Catherine Jenkins. And Tom Jones. The best of the best The best of the best We love you Wales Your moment is coming Alan Wynne Jones

13:07Is Michael Bull Welsh? Probably No he's gay He's not even gay but he looks gay I just I've seen it with Latin music What are you laughing at? That was really funny Catherine Jenkins. She's a real person, Sue. I know, but she is. She does opera. She's good. I literally don't know any other Welsh musicians. Me neither. Sorry, I know we have a couple of Welsh listeners. We actually have a question. We actually have. About Welsh independence coming in a Q &A episode, Patreon exclusive, if you want to see that. Nice little plug there. But Sue, I just fear that, like, you know, yeah latin had its moment well latin's still having its moment and maybe maybe it's good that you know these trends yeah they they do become trendy and then they're in a better place than they were before but i just fear that it's like everyone like goes crazy for this thing and at the moment it's like irish music yeah um and then like it won't be trendy anymore and then everyone will just forget about it yeah and that's trends isn't it that's trends and there's nothing we can do about that yeah we just got like it feels deep when it's like a country yeah yeah but especially a country that famously doesn't like English people mmm but I think that's Island I think that's part of the appeal yeah the boys in the better land well you're always talking about the boys in the better land and people asked us there was a comment that was like why you thought so kneecap is your door was good they're amazing they stand for a brilliant I haven't seen the film yet but I've heard things but I barely watch any films they're fab they're lovely lights uh I didn't see them at Glastonbury because I was just like that's just everyone's gonna be there yeah busy but busy boots but uh cmat said to um glamour uk so I think yeah um there's this very romantic vision of Ireland but I grew up in a place where it's not very fun to grow up this fake version of our identity was being built up by Americans and English people and claimed it for themselves.

15:14I didn't relate to any of it. Like, why am I seeing cladder rings? I believe that's how you pronounce it. Apologies if you don't. Why am I seeing Gaelic football jerseys everywhere? Why is everyone pretending we had this exact same childhood? Well, yeah. Well, yes. Do you feel like anyone's appropriating your queer Derbyshire upbringing?

15:35I think there's like a... Oh. I think there is definitely like a... what? like northern people I think it's kind of like you know very like stereotyped specifically northern working classness and you see that a lot in like southern yeah bloke core down the pub yeah I think people really really they really go on oh god I think we might be getting a couple noises oh sorry they must just open the window shit it would be quiet um the but yeah so i think that people really really do like um i think it's just like the epicenter of you're right yeah epicenter of culture is like um is london posh people and and and they don't really have any identity yeah so they are constantly looking outwards for something like a new story or a new identity or a new trend which at the moment well one of many at the moment is like irish music and culture and then it's kind of like the the pot shows the very london-centric people uh scene picks it up uh kind of appropriates it and then is bored with it and then it's like onto the next kind of like um regional kind of flavour of the day, as it were.

17:06There was a time when it was Sheffield. Yeah. What's next? It's got to be a niche one. Maybe like... Derby. Has the white working class had its moment? I don't know. What was that? Just like the kind of... Seaside town, neglected... Well, yeah, because everyone's moving to Margate. Wow. Nice things. Okay. And what region next is going to have its moment? somewhere fun like Derby yeah what would a Derby moment look like who's in the Derby scene so I think me me and me and me Vivian Westwood she's dead Vivian Westwood is from Derby yeah come on um I can't tell her name okay uh and on this just bear with me on this week's episode of am I being a woke wet wipe yeah comes glutton talk right people being greedy people being greedy people yeah or gluttock even oh that's short but that's the opposite of greedy because i like use less words am i being a woke wipe people people filming themselves getting takeaways i guess you could put i guess you could put big john in this category even bosh bosh um what we ate at thought park i love that stuff I had fish and chips last night I have no problem with Thanks everyone I had fish and chips last night Where did you get them from?

18:41Take away Yeah where? I can't remember We were quite drunk Yeah Was it good? Yeah What's your fish and chips shop order? I had cod Bill had haddock We both had chips He had mushy peas because he's southern And I had curry sauce because I'm northern Think about that Is that a north south divide? I think we've decided that I prefer curry sauce So do I But I'm northern at heart Because he lived in Manchester Because my mum's from the Whittle Yeah well hello I talked to your brother about that Who I met last night Uh oh Mic drop His brother last night Who I didn't realise is a comedian Sue met my whole family Yeah that's crazy Yeah my brother's a comedian Yeah I didn't realise that I googled him after You got me Girl this is a Napa baby Any Napa brother anyone who can find my brother and comment it gets a gets nothing no we'll get free tickets to the straight diva live whenever we do that okay fine yeah that sounds right but we were at Lauren Lyles' show which is called Karen Perry which I'm shouting out it's season 2 on ITV so you should check that out but my beautiful friend Lauren yeah had the first screening of it and it's really, really good.

19:59We were thoroughly entertained and then a man came outside and spoke to me and was like, I'm Louis Raven's brother and I was like, I literally like screamed and then I literally, I like latched onto him for like half an hour to an hour. Wait, I want to read out what he said. Ran into that man woman you do the pod with.

20:19She's Ming. We spoke for a while. She's charming company. Aww. What were we talking about? Gluttok. yeah so it makes me quite sad right and I'm what for people overeating but I used to love mukbang ASMR mukbang because I like to watch people eat like live animals what defines a mukbang is it just like you bring takeaway home yeah okay there's ones where they eat like live sea animals I love those ones because they like die in their mouth I guess which is crazy but the thing that makes me sad is that it's kind of like I view that sort of thing as an addiction like as someone who I think I sometimes have an addiction to food yeah but then you could be doing mdma in the back garden blow our pupils uh um and I feel like we wouldn't you wouldn't enjoy watching someone like drinking 15 pints or doing like 12 lines of gear so why would we watch them eat like 2 ,000 calories.

21:24Yeah. Okay, I get it. I have no problem with pigging out. Yeah. Believe me, I've been there. I'll go back there. But maybe it's, maybe it, yeah. Yeah. Do you get pleasure out of watching those videos? I love it. What do you like about it? I'd watch someone do 15 lines of a cud. Really? Yeah, absolutely. See, so I'm being a woke asshole about it. Yeah, maybe. Maybe you should just enjoy it more. You wet wipe. Well, you called that, didn't you? I might be in a woke wipe. No, no, no, you are. Do you want to play my game? Yay! I'm caught with the game because I realise that I need to be a bit more fun on this because I've been quite serious soon.

22:02So my game is called What Flavour Is This? Okay. Right, so I'm just going to give you sweets and then you've got to tell me the flavour which then thus will answer. You're going to give me sweets and I have to tell you what flavour they are. No, right, okay. Originally it was meant to be lollipops, couldn't find lollipops this morning and he couldn't chase and find them. Okay. So we're going to do tantastics and you've got to tell me which flavour. So you have to close your, yeah, fantastic. And then you've got to tell me what, what, you need to close your eyes. And then you tell me what shape it is and then what shape it is.

22:32Relate to the question. Then I'll show you the question. Wait, does it make sense? I'm going to put it in your mouth and you have to tell me what shape it is. Right, yeah, so you, what tantastic is that? That is my dick.

22:46No, I'm going to put a tantastic in your mouth. You need to tell me which tantastic it is. Okay. Then it relates to a question. Okay. You ready? So close my eyes. Yes. Are you putting it in my mouth? Yes, I am. I flinched.

23:05It's either the dummy or the alligator. That was wrong. It was a cola bottle. Yeah, it was a cola bottle. So you picked the cola bottle question, which is, how many victims did Jack the Ripper have?

23:22Not enough. Yeah. How many? If he had some tangfastics, he would have been sorted. Yeah. I'll go 13. No, it's five. Five. Surprisingly, to say that people were like, he's such a notorious killer, it's not that much. Yeah, get those numbers up. In it. Rookie. Right, you ready? It's good. Wait, I saw it. I fucking saw it. Okay, wait. I'll do it again. Okay, close your eyes.

23:53oh that's a crocodile yeah it is okay so that the crocodile question is how many degrees does the world have to increase by to ensure immeasurable irreversible damage to the earth uh two no it's four close yeah it's not that much yeah you ready another one hang on i haven't fucking finished my Good that you put a global warming question in. Yeah, gluttonous top. Love you, Greta. Okay. Yeah, good how you put a global warming question in, yet you don't recycle in your southeast London house. Yeah, but now I'm in my east house. Cancel it now. Yeah, we didn't recycle in that house. Don't live there anymore, though.

24:35Oh, a little bit of gator on my microphone. Right, you ready? The Lemonati has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything, even our music. That hit song named after the color of lemons? Not a coincidence. Big Lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years. Think about it. But now, 7up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda. Now lime comes first. 7up. Flip the sip. I just want to give you the space to process it, Michael said. Elena paused. I don't think I want to see anybody else. This is the love story of real hinge couple Elena and Michael, written and read by me, Raven Smith.

25:22Listen to the free audiobook now.

25:38I can't remember anything else, so I'm going to go. It's not a cherry, so I have to go dummy. Yeah, that's correct. The dummy question is Simon Cowell's dummy. How old is Louis Walsh? Today? Yeah. Simon Cowell.

25:57That old fucking creep is 69 years old. No, 72. I saw him in South Kent once. He looks terrible. Yeah, looks dreadful. Dreadful dummy. And dreadful man.

26:14I think that's cherry Yes You're right Yes What is the most southern city in Florida? Boca Raton No it's Key West Oh Boca Raton Girl What Why did you put that question? I don't know I just thought What's the stupid thing I could ask Louis We should do a quiz maybe Maybe that's the straight diva event Pub quiz. Diana Boza, straight day of a quiz. The best query chasing podcast in your fucking land. There we go. And you can catch Sue, I think, at the Nun's Head later today presenting the Women's Euros. Oh yeah, you can. I'll be there. Okay, do you want to do my game? Yes. Sorry, I'm chewing into the mic.

27:04Okay, so. Sue, I think, I've prepared. I've prepared. I've prepared a knockout tournament of our very own in spirit of the women's Euros. Yeah. But I'm going to make it all about men, okay? Oh, fierce. And basically we're going to do a kind of a little knockout thing between different genres of man. Yeah. And we're going to go head to head and then... See who wins. We're going to see who wins. Oh my God. All right. I'm so excited. So bisexual presenting man versus rich international student. Not the student. Not the student. No. Bisexual presenting man. You're picking role model. Yeah. Why are you not picking rich international student?

27:43Because they're boring. And I went to BIM and they were all just like, look at this fucking Korg thing I bought. Money though. Don't care. And like, even though they lack emotional intelligence, they probably can be quite chivalrous and like a... No, no. They're always skint. Okay. Do you know what I mean? I'm so broke right now. Yes, rich people are always broke. Okay. So you picked bisexual presenting man. Okay. Lad Bible Lad Cal Freezy Sidemen University Dark Fruits NPC from Cardiff. Yeah. Or the nomadic Scouser slash Monterey's Ketwig. Him. Okay. The Scouser on Ket. Do you know about Ketwigs?

28:23I don't know what that is. Ketwig is the name of a haircut that a lot of Scousers have. It's just like that mop of brown hair. Oh, yeah. I do know, yeah. It's really good when people need a hair system to do a really nice Ketwig. Nice. Maybe that should be on like our mood board for when we release music. Essex slash Kent Final Boss or Pints Chit Chat and Good People? Oh no. It should be Pints, shouldn't it? Yeah, but you know Pints Chit Chat and Good People is like the Soho fashion like loafers, three quarter length shorts. Yeah, no. Yeah, you're an Essex. I'm an Essex diva. Okay. Chugsy, Chelsea, Lifejacket, Shuffle Wanker.

29:08Not that. not that so you picked not see no you picked you picked aspirational uh working class estate agent yes because i exist this the most driven person in this whole tournament but his youtube history is also concerning oh yeah oh manosphere okay uh art school skater skinny pipe playing artist or Yorkshire tradie who's tanned as fuck. Oh, him. That's my winner. That is my winner. Okay, Manny Clarner, Snapchat, Obeach, final boss. Who's going Obeach tonight? Who's going Obeach? Is it going to be an Obeach one tonight? Or LSE, Navarra Media, culture journalist who never leaves their flat. Probably say Navarra.

30:00What? Fine. Well, you're not going to the ocean beach. I get transphobically abused. Yeah, okay, fair enough. Okay. The Belfast bisexual who likes football and supports Arsenal and Gabrielle Martinelli, but also likes a wee bit of fucking bomb sex from tame to tame. Or. Or. The end-clothing Geordie. Oh. Oh. That's like picking between my two friends. It's like James. James. The young, trendy Newcastle man Because they all work at end clothing No, I'd pick the Belfast Diva Yeah, I think it's the right call Okay, the Clapton dad Immaculately dressed Immaculate progressive politics Immaculate gaff Actually quite boring Or The trusty, boring civil servant No, trusty civil servant Really?