we're getting divorced...

0:00I just want to give you the space to process it, Michael said. Elena paused. I don't think I want to see anybody else. This is the love story of real hinge couple Elena and Michael, written and read by me, Raven Smith. Listen to the free audio book now. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports.

0:40Get started at chatgpt.com by selecting work mode, available on Plus and Pro plans. Who's that knocking out the door? Who's that? What?

0:57Sorry. Sorry I asked. Let's do quiet pod today. Sorry, Bill, are you a founding member of the podcast? No.

1:08I think you're wrong. Okay, well, they can't hear you anyway because of the dynamic... Babe, I think you're wrong. ...monodirectional nature of our microphones. Hi, everyone. Welcome to Straight Diva. Why is it called that? Because I'm straight and I'm a diva. How's everyone doing? Me and your Auntie Sue have been having a chat. and we're going to divorce. No we're not. This hasn't been easy but we think it's for the best for you. We don't want to be unhappy around each other and we think we'd be better apart. You can spend your weekends with me and we'll go out on the town to Pop World and get with birds and then you can spend Monday to Friday with your boring Aunty Sue.

1:55Working in the factory. Making Zimmer frames. And straight Diva merchandise. Jamie Vardy's family made Zimmer frames before Jamie Vardy was famous. Watch the Jamie Vardy documentary on the weekend. I know you'll all be thrilled. Mum said what you do at the weekend. I said I watch footballers and footballers. We're not getting divorced. We're not stopping the podcast. I was just doing a bit. Acting? I was just performing. Just doing a little bit. Guys, who thought last week was a bad episode? I wasn't very well guys I was really bad I just took my ADHD med And it was kicking in The amount we had to cut in the end Because I was just sat there I think it was just that It actually wasn't as bad As an episode as I thought But last week girl No it wasn't a bad episode But it was I didn't like It's not my favourite episode We've ever done And it's also done Moderately well on YouTube As well if you see Has it?

2:50I think it's nearly 3000 Oh come on I felt like Come on Wait come on I felt It didn't feel nice i felt like i was talking to you i felt i felt like i was forcing you to do an episode a bit i know but like i was forcing myself because i had a busy week yeah i was like we could you know we could uh we could take a break and then do it later and then you're like i can't do that yeah i know it's horrible and then i was like working i was writing and i was on like a writing writing camp right right in week thing uh which was hard and i i found it really hard to being a musician is hard as it turns out but like learning new skills is hard well it is hard but like you like learning skills is hard i find that like i haven't actually learned a lot of stuff in a long time in my life no but like you kind of know what you know and you go away but like taking time to learn it's infuriating i've found myself getting like upset in the studio and like holding in like holding back tears really yeah because i'm like in front of new people like learning on the spot like being put in with like songwriters and producers that do this Sorry, your foreskin's showing a little bit.

3:54Like, who do this every day? And I don't because I work with the people that I work with. So it was like a humiliation ritual. And now I'm learning guitar because I'm, like, enjoying learning so much. Just enjoying learning so much. I am, and I'm learning. Okay, hang on. That's interesting. I would have thought you would be okay with learning on the spot. Although, when it's with strangers and you're like, these people are... I guess it's not, you don't have the safety blanket of it being someone you've worked with a lot. Yeah. And also when you're not like, it's not saying I wasn't on the same vibe as people I was in with, because we definitely were, but like, they're not like my mates.

4:30So it was like, the funny thing is what you realize, you're not my fucking mates. They are mates, but like they were like strangers at the start of the week. And so it's interesting because it's like, even a saying right now, like you say we went, I don't know why it's come to my head, but if you know, it's like have a cocktail and paint a picture. and there's like nights where you go paint a pot with the drink or like a boozy like you paint your friends you paint each other you're not talking about painting and no i'm not shitting on the khaki i'm i'm i'm out for an activity honey and um but do you know how people do that they go out and they paint a pot and stuff i would do such a bad one because i actually can't do it like i can't do art like i'm actually so bad at drawing and make it a joke yeah so i'd be like and then i'd be oh yeah like us at that shoemaking workshop yeah when we're just like we're not gonna be good at this so let's take the piss yeah let's take the piss whereas like i actually just can't do it like i if someone was like you have to be serious now like i think i'd leave yeah because i can't do it so it was like the similar thing of like it i was in the room and i was like i can sing i'm a really good singer like it's whatever but like i was there and like gays will get this reference but the start of the pretty hurts video by beyonce she goes up she's kind of singing and she starts singing pretty hurts but she's like she goes a bit flat I felt like that.

5:43Okay. I felt like Beyonce. Okay. But they've seen this a million... Guys, I felt like Beyonce. Yeah, and that's okay. You should feel like Beyonce sometimes, for better or for worse. For worse, yeah. You know, you have to tolerate Hove. Yeah. Sometimes. What's Hove? Hove is Jay-Z's nickname. Okay. See, we've got gay and straight references. No, I don't know why it's his nickname. Hove. Hove! Grand opening, grand closing. I don't know. House of Very Extra I don't know House of Very They've seen it a million times before I know but I'm like oh my god They're all going to think I'm shit I care a lot about what people think That's why I'm killing myself That's why this week I'm going to take my own life But like that's why Even people commenting Someone commented on TikTok that I did yesterday Being like this song's shit did you see it no so i replied saying you're always always no someone else replied saying don't listen to it then then they replied back being like i wish i could and then i replied i replied being like you've always been jealous of me but anyway they follow me i was like you've always been jealous of me and they put maybe so and then they replied to themselves saying but the song's still shit and i'm just like girl and like i'm just kind of like i just have to take that this is how we move now i think you just i've spoken about it before but like people just move mean move mean and i think that's where my millennial i'm not a millennial but i think that's where like my later gen z maybe we are millennial comes out because i'm like we could all just be nice yeah but like it's not about that like i think gen z and especially gen gen alpha i think we're taught to just say an opinion and just shout at everyone yeah so you feel like this week has been a humiliation ritual and yeah it was hard i feel exactly the same and then i went to premiere on wednesday absolutely was that a humiliation ritual no it was absolutely gorgeous Sorry, but your week, sorry We'll get to the premiere later We'll get to the premiere Because Bill was fingering people with his cast on I know I have just been Posting, promoting too much on social media It's when you're not offering value You know, because There's promotional posts guys And there's non-promotional posts And this week it's been flooded with promotional posts And you just feel those numbers drop And you're like The more I push the worse it gets almost.

8:04I have one coming out tonight and I'm shitting. Yeah, what is, can we speak about it? Like new gig. There's going to be a new gig but it gets either announced today or tomorrow and like the ticket link and I'm just like, I'm ready for the humiliation that that will be rather than me getting online and be like, so I got fisted the other day and everyone will be like, do you know what I mean? Yeah. Well, I, which I'm also grateful for. I, to be completely vulnerable, I've put on the fourth, I Love My Wife. Yeah. And it has been comfortably the worst selling. Oh my God. Which is fine. And in retrospect, I should have seen.

8:38They're always on a weekend. This one's on a Wednesday. Okay. End of summer fatigue, I would say. A lot of people are still away. People are away. I wouldn't want to go to a gig on a Wednesday after the bank holiday weekend. I'd be wanting to curl up on the sofa. But here we are, Sue. I'm there. And we've sold an acceptable amount of tickets. But... Where is it? Club Cheek in Brixton. Great venue. I don't know really good sound like really good sound what's in our diary so me and Bill will be there don't you have something else on the in the day and then we'll come after okay great fantastic it's just like I'm sure you feel like this with music sometimes but on TikTok it's kind of fine but when you're just like it's very interesting balance to strike because you're like it's almost like the more desperate you get the worse it can be yeah And then you're suddenly coming off as desperate And then it's like chirpsing But you have to Did you watch The Moment?

9:39Did I watch The What? The Moment I thought you didn't watch it either I got sent a download link whilst it was in a cinema bike Wow I can send you the link Send me the link But I I watched it And there's a bit where Callie Jenner's in it, Callie Jenner plays Callie Jenner and she's basically like she was great I saw the clip of her yeah yeah and she's basically like when you think they're sick of you that's when you gotta push the hardest or something like that and she's like you can't the minute you think people are sick of you you need to push again and like I can't stop thinking about that because I'm about to release new music and like I'm just like I don't think people need it but I'm like you're gonna need it because I'm gonna make you need it that's interesting consensually and lovelyly yeah consensually obviously in a lovely manner yeah and with a couple kisses but it's yeah consensual ones yeah more like a gate just to warm you up yeah yeah um but no that's when you need to push hardest but i do know what you mean also also the thing with social media even straightly for social media in general especially in august girl half of everything everything that you're getting all year honey half take half off just take half off take buy one get one free yeah baby like check those numbers clear and sale 0.5 honey um like it's just like everything is and not just social media i think everything everyone's everyone's away everyone's on fucking holiday and they don't want to they want to unplug from all this bullshit and that does that does tie into what keeps bringing me back and why i wish i wouldn't go get so stressed about it is that like who actually cares yeah like if one gig doesn't sell as well who cares who cares like it's one night and you just have to keep pushing you just have to keep it well but that does conflict with a uh a sue i think ism that i hold true which is that um sometimes you need to take a break you know sometimes you need to be quiet for a second yeah but it's interesting to hear you've moved to the dark side i moved to the dark side but like i i think i can take on at the minute whereas like it changes very quickly where i get sexy very like very what are you taking on khaki uh kidding um what am i taking on no but like i'm happy to like spoiler alert in september there's two weeks off happening for one of us and to someone's taking two weeks off and i'm not pointing anyone out but it could be one of us but i'm like i i or the other person would be happy to take the the reins yeah well there's plenty of pop stars who want to be interviewed yeah exactly but that's what i'm saying tell us about your upcoming and the second single was a was it felt very vulnerable and was about a real moment of revelation for you wasn't it and how was yeah yeah so call me maybe how did you get signed to justin viva kidding um lol um but yeah like i will make it work so i'm like yeah i i think but ultimately i'm not at my wits end at the minute i also haven't been working at the festivals too you have well i've been i've been well behaved i haven't been getting that i was i was still working i think it's like you work over the weekend and you go back to work well it's just a yeah not to not to moan too much about the the amazing life I've managed to earn money from.

13:12But it's just a lot of work that feels quite important that actually isn't. It's like it's good when you don't take it too seriously or place too much stress on it. Yeah, I also saw a video today that was like, everyone was like something that feels real, that shouldn't be real. And I was this young girl and she was like, influences in general. Whereas actually I think what's actually come up in the new age of like creators is that aren't influencers is yeah fair back in the day influencers would get paid to be somewhere and and still this happens paid to be somewhere and paid like to do promotional products now it's like actually you're not an influencer you you've been interviewing people like you're a journalist right now do you know what i mean so it's like i feel like different hats apply and you've actually just been working a journalism job uh which has come forth from you doing videos on the internet but now you're doing journalism.

14:06I'm Makita Oliver. You're Makita Oliver. I'm Makita Oliver. Yes. And did you see the lovely clip of her talking about, well, the hard hitting clip. I saw it got shared a lot. You scrolled past it multiple times. I know I did, yeah. I'm so sorry, Makita. It's really good. I'm sorry. This is so bad and I love them both and I genuinely think they're so beautiful and they're amazing people but whenever it's Danu miss me Makita or Jordan Jordan Rizzle yeah I'm just like I can't be like I love her make me laugh the only bits of Jordan that I'm obsessed with at the minute is him forming because I think Rizzle kicks forming I just love it but like I don't know when there's a clip of Rizzle kicks forming I'm locking the fuck in love them but like I don't I don't know what it is I just like I just don't want to be told about men's masculinity I don't care and then Makita I'm just like I don't know I think they're both amazing what what's your favorite rizzle kick song well that there's that new no new performances because they're doing all the festivals so like bbc will upload they're fit fit is fit fit is fit honey he's only single is he yeah i'm not he is i bet he's getting bad dms yeah i know but i think he's like actually so so nice he's like not bothered he's turned off requests anyway i bet he's lovely no he's definitely lovely yeah yeah nobody's questioning that's not coming for his thing it's just like i think where i'm at i know i keep mentioning it in videos but like i just i've been muting everyone yeah if there's a think piece i'm not watching it well we're just all i need to think myself peacefully wow thank you i need to finger myself peacefully and that's quite hard to do yeah especially if you're a bit stressed but basically it's just been a week of getting stressed about bullshit and then just trying not to beat my up but beat myself up about getting too stressed about the bullshit and acknowledging that my life is mainly bullshit yeah um and that like you know as i was saying to bill r farah this is you know this is the life we wanted kind of this is the life um and i still don't have a nine to five corporate job so i'm winning i'm up yeah uh what's up with you went to the premiere oh yeah let's talk prima so premiere was wild so say premiere one more time premiere what do you say premiere would you want me to say it like that so I went to the premiere premiere how do you say it premiere bill could you turn me to premiere tonight bill how do you say premiere I don't think I can be your friend Isabella said Rebecca's stomach flipped this is the love story of real hinge couple Isabella and Rebecca written and read by me Temi Denton-Hurst listen to the free audiobook now This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT.

16:59Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro Plans.

17:28I'm sick of us now Premiere I went to the premiere Of Dynamo's Magic Games Yes, I was like Of Dynamo Witch Wizards Witch I don't know What did Dynamo do? Anyway Dynamo is doing a new movie With Maisie Williams Yes, how did you know? Spielberg Yeah A24 Maisie Dynamo Maisie Dynamo Dynamo's directorial debut Yeah Spielberg's just touching him as he does it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell us more. So, we... So anyway, Practical Magic 2. I'm trying. No, no. Wait a minute. Went to the Practical Magic 2 premiere. Premiere, sorry. We... Sophie, really, girl? Oh, for audio listening, Sophie's just in front of the camera.

18:21Oh, my baby. Oh, my baby.

18:27So anyway, we went to the premiere of Pacto Magic 2. I leave this. We're doing Vox Pop there, obviously. So we like, yeah. Which is your favourite which? You were doing Vox Pop for Paramount Pictures and Shoot. Yeah, Paramount Pictures and Shoot. No, Harriet Rose is doing it. Have you met Harriet Rose? I don't know Harriet Rose, no. Oh, she's lovely. She's lovely. She's gay. That's okay. She's fabulous. She was doing it. But we all go. before it we go to Claridge's to meet Maisie there and we have like a few drinks my issue is right free bar I'll drink sensibly because if I know the bar's free all night I've got all night to have a free bar people refilling my drink curtains so I've not had dinner I have three or four champagnes at Claridge's so I'm leaving Claridge's twatted could you just explain what Claridge's is Claridge's is a hotel where I'd not say most actors but they were all staying the cast were staying and so we went to make maize there we had a few drinks amazing made it look amazing we were having a big kiki we all leave to go to the premiere um we get there it's lovely getting obviously if anyone's seen practical magic one midnight margaritas because like margaritas are a theme in the the drink in the drink is a theme in the film we're obviously doing that so there's margaritas everywhere i down to three margaritas so i'm on four glasses of champagne no dinner three glasses of margaritas then you get a goodie bag by charlotte tilbury shout out charlotte tilbury um the magical night cream and the good thing about being in a couple is you get two so i got two charlotte tilbury i mean she's the biggest brand in the uk now which is so gaggy but i'm using the magic cream does anyone feel like the magic cream does anything because she's always like my mystical magic cream and i've heard about this so long and now i've got it i'm like it's Bill giving you some magical night cream.

20:14Yeah. I'm feeling it in my gut right now. I'm kidding. That's horrible. And then, yeah, we watched the film. And then during the film, they were like, no more drinks. I proceeded to get a beer. I was like, please. So I had a beer there. And then we went to the after party and had two more champagnes. And then I was like, I'm going to be sick. So we're all at the after party at some bar in Soho. All at the after party. I was fucked. Right. Fucked. And so I order a sober. they make this really sugary sober drink and I couldn't tell you the taste details but all I knew was I was going to taste it again when it was coming back on.

20:48Okay. Lemon basil. And then we all got a car home head out the window. I was like that all the way home because I was so fucked. Oh God. I'm surprised you didn't like pass out during the film. No, I was really interested. The film was great. Or like start to get hung over during the film. Loved it. Sorry, not that the film was boring but like you drank four champagnes two margs before the film starts if I know you I thought you would have you would have or you would have gone like I need to stop but you then I lock in you lock in I'm like fuck it so I'm like chuffing cigs we're making progress at the after party so we're outside smoking baby chuffing them babe absolutely hammering through them Marlboro Reds as well dirty so I'm just like hammering cigs like I don't know what it was but just in my head I thought let go so I did and then yeah all the way home try not to be sick looking out the window and ryan was laughing because ryan said i knew not to ask you but ryan turned around and went are you okay and i was like because i couldn't speak it was that bad and actually the next day he texted me actually next day he was like i knew the minute i asked it you regret it anyway get home sick immediately like that sugary drink honey straight back up everything else is digested was there was there a finster story of you naked puking no it was me naked sat there that was really funny um i thought you were keeled over a toilet no i was fucked but um film was great maizey looked fab and the whole press tour looked amazing uh and the film's great so you should go see it what's what's a premiere like i have i've never been really fun like actually more fun than i was like not that was stressed but how it works is like you go through different entrance obviously like the main cast are getting dropped to another entrance and like they're stylists and stuff so they dropped on one entrance and you walk around to another entrance so we got like a van to take us um and then we were we got dropped off at the other entrance you kind of walk around and then you walk down the carpet but like no i'm kidding so like you walk down the carpet and i'm just like i just want to get to the other end of the carpet because i'm like this is like talk me through your monologue before you walk down the carpet are you thinking like i'm like will there be like one like gen z like photographer who might know who i am no i was like i am so hammered that actually if anyone did know who i was it'd be curtains you were just focusing on like yeah i'm walking because i was in these fucking heels and i was like for fuck's sake so i'm like what watching this i'm like walking down the carpet like that because i'm like girl like a god yeah like a god anyway we get through and it's fine and then once you're in it's just like mayhem because they're like everyone so we go upstairs to the where we were sitting and then we're like having drinks there but then all the people that are working are like get inside now we need you inside and that film's that's starting for another 30 minutes.

23:28So we're all like loitering outside. Tell us to go inside like maybe 15 times. Then we go inside. Then we're loitering there. Because then you see everyone, you know. So you're just having drinks with everyone. It's fun. It is nice. You know everyone at a premiere? No, no, no. But I need loads of people at a premiere. Really? Like other actors and like... Oh, come on. Influencers and stuff. So we're just having... Well, you're sick, you know. Thanks, babe. But we're just having loads of giggles. And the film's great. And you should go see it. Shout out to Maze. Shout out to the cast. Where is a...

23:53Or where was this? oh yeah oh they just booked the whole thing out oh okay and it was wild seeing like Nicole Kidman flesh and Sancho really crazy was she gorgeous yeah I mean she's stun bags she's stun bags stun bags but yeah it was amazing and like she looked amazing our friend Dino styled her and Dino styled you as well Dino styled me you looked great thank you thank god you didn't wear the cocktail dress I bought I'm not going to say the brand because it's a problematic brand it was vintage D &G so I bought this like cocktail dress not from D &G just to let you know because they're a problematic brand but I bought this wait wait pause why dng a problematic brand oh they're the worst really i mean just like google it's really bad google it google it um and i bought this dress and i sent it to dino because dino was like because dino's helping style me at the minute and he was like like vet everything through me so i sent it to dino and dino was like okay are you going to be serving the hors d 'oeuvres and i thought oh right i'll wear this to a wedding i'm going to on friday then And he was like, I'll put you something.

24:55So he did. And he saved my life. And what were you wearing on the actual? They're a designer called Soul Something. And they're amazing. Robin's been wearing a lot for her press tour. Okay. So do you know, hit it. And I did look good, to be honest. I'm coming for you. Konnichiwa, motherfucker. Konnichiwa Records. But yeah, so that's what a premiere is like. Okay, fantastic. It was great, though. And go see Practical Magic 2. What's the premise of Practical Magic? What's the premise of Practical Magic 1? Just loads of stuff happens. like so it's like a family of witches and basically if anyone marries like when they fall in love with a man there's a curse that like the man dies and so it's basically a lot about that and so the second one is them trying to uplift the curse and they end up going to england and to uplift the curse and it's like really funny i well funnily maizey's um character is the only one that stays in america which i thought was so fun because i was like oh my god she's like is she the only british one there oh i see yeah but she was super ironic yeah i just think it's fine but it was amazing um i watched the invite a lot uh the other night everyone keeps talking about this is it good it's very very good i know everyone keeps saying this and i thought the trailer looked trash is the trailer ever good though yeah and i saw we were laughing apparently there's a podcast that was like and the twist is they're swingers i was like that god i thought that was literally the plot like yeah well i haven't seen the trailer but my mum did tell me the premise so i knew that was coming and it doesn't feel like a it happens early enough and it's like they're already there edward norton and i don't know who's in it sorry cruz penelope cruz um you can already tell basically seth rogan and Livy Wilde's character are like this very typical struggling relationship in their like late 30s they have one daughter and it kind of feels like it's going to just be a boring rom-com and do they all fuck at the end?

26:55they no comment no comment is it passionate though? more passion? no it's more sweet and fun it's quite it's quite the sex scenes are quite good because they're like full of mistakes and like oh that's so nice do you know it reminds me of forgetting Leo Grande yeah or like good luck to you Leo Grande I've never watched that with Emma Emma the one that gets cheated on in Love Actually I hate Love Actually I'm actually going to watch that film again not Love Actually good luck to you Leo Grande is Emma Thompson oh and she I watched it one night on my own yeah Crowed amazing watched it again with Laura the next day yeah Crowed we were all aghast it was amazing watched it the third night in a row with my ex-boyfriend like I genuinely that film one of my faves so fierce one more time the name Forget Good Luck to You, Leo Grande.

27:41Okay. I keep thinking it's Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Remember that film? Forgetting Sarah Marshall with the now disgraced... Russell Brand, yeah. Yeah. And... I don't know who else is it. That blonde American actress. I never watched it. And Jason Segel. Oh. Oh, sure. But the invite's very good. Yeah. I just... Sorry, Seth Rogen. Just, like, almost laugh at everything he does. Aw. That stupid laugh he has. I can imagine you proper laughing.

28:12I just want to give him a big hug. Oh, that's so nice. He's like the reference point for guys like me, I guess. Yeah, stoners. I haven't spoken any weed, actually, because I've got such a big week ahead. Oh, that's so nice. Got four gigs in eight days, playing a festival. Who was at the festivals then that you enjoyed? Who was at the festivals?

28:33Straight Day. Straight Pride Day. Blood Orange. no words dev come on the pod dev and dev was just fucking did you meet dev well no but i really could have if i just pulled my fucking finger out he was he was hanging around he was like oh yeah i know i see everyone fucking met dev that's the thing what and foundation fm got a fucking interview with him i was like talia as well you could be like i know talia oh really yeah i was like um i was like i don't want to bother dev hines with a fucking vox pop he's too big and he also i don't i never i've never seen him do a vox pop so i'm guessing that he doesn't like i don't seem to do that much press so i was like i'm just generally i'm not that forthcoming to be like i'm the same it was like to bother someone which is probably why i'm not the best at that it was the same when i did the robin after party and they're like you're gonna interview robin then robin was there and i was like fuck off am i moving up to her yeah i love her too much to like do we right yeah exactly under these circumstances because we're empathetic we're empathetic people yeah i just don't want to like run up basically the weird thing with i don't want to run up on robin yeah yeah those type of events so it's mad how many people do run up like the game is the game there are people that are very good at that people like you kind of felt the room like shift forward because robin was at the front so it was like loads of people going to meet robin and i was like i'm not gonna be i can't beg you i'm so sorry and maybe that will bite me you stay on your side or you fucking clout chasing begs when she's sick of you and comes over with we'll have a gig on yeah yeah because i've got a backbone yeah um but no there's there is strength in both types of people i would say and maybe that's why i'm not gonna be uh emma winder uh yeah that's okay and that's okay uh but though she is great at her job um but yeah i didn't interview dev heinz even though he was just chilling around the hospitality area just chatting to everyone he seemed very sweet that's so nice um and yeah one of the best gigs i've seen ever i would say the production value anyone come out no one came out but he has on this tour i've never seen him before but he that has session musicians to sing yes and then he had this keys player who sung a couple of songs he was amazing he had um yeah he had two singers carrying some of the work for him fab which i would say is good because i'd say if there's one thing about Dev Hunt, though I do love the sound of his voice, sometimes when he's hitting those high notes, he is...

31:02He couldn't do Caroline's job. Caroline Polachek. Of course. Beyonce! But it was really good. And then there was also good performances from James Kay and Yowie Neilgun and Smurz were very good. Fab. And it was just, you know... It was Blood Orange's day. So Blood Orange was like mesmerising. I left it with my heart full Although I did almost ruin it For the people around me Because I went for a piss 10 minutes before Blood Orange started And I was like this is Did you get covered in piss? I got covered in piss Golden showers babe Of your own piss? Leia and fucking Sox House just fucking pissing on me Yeah Yeah That's okay And it's not funny Did they actually?

31:50No but I did see them when I went for a piss 10 minutes before And they were like come stay, come stay And they're just like chilling backstage and i'm like i actually do want to see some music yeah yeah um anyway and then i fuck it and then i fuck it up because i went to piss too close to the start of the show oh so you missed it so then um rowan and saffa came out and got me and i was texting them like come out and get me because i can't see you guys and then we'll walk to a spot and i was like actually don't do that don't do that it's too busy and then they come out and get me and then you can't get back in and then i can't get back in and i'm like i fucked it for everyone i've ruined Blood Orange.

32:26And then I was being, I was being a like. I just want to give you the space to process it, Michael said. Elena paused. I don't think I want to see anybody else. This is the love story of real hinge couple Elena and Michael, written and read by me, Raven Smith. Listen to the free audio book now. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports.

33:09Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro Plans. I was being a baby. Okay. You're not eating that day. Do you ever have tantrums? I hadn't eaten that day I'm not good at eating when I do my vox pop I like to be sharp but it takes me back to childhood babe and when I have the fucking tantrum and I feel like I literally can't control my emotions right now there's nothing I want to do but just like sulk and scrap do you ever get that? not sulk no, I get angry and then it's not sulk, it's like I need to be alone I want to go like this, you know when you're a kid and you go like See no mine's not that Mine's like Mine's like angry I like could fight Like I'd get nasty That's where I get to Don't want it to get nasty Where does that take you back That sort of feeling Childhood Oh my god I'm in EMDR How was therapy the other day?

34:06Yeah good Actually really nice I just really like my therapist You still fancy her therapist? No I don't fancy her I think she's really great at her job But I Yeah to be honest girls I think I'll only need a few more sessions uh-oh it's made me realise actually my childhood was fine and I only remembered the really traumatic stuff and no but like I know an EMDR like it's weird because then you're like once you start remembering that stuff okay I mean I shouldn't share this tried to kill myself when I was 13 not 14 right you've said that on a Patreon episode okay well there you go for free trigger warning so then we like we start there and then that doesn't really make me sad because it's funny but no but we're making it serious so then you kind of like start there and then it goes to like loads of different things in childhood and so it was like and then everything you think so then i was like coming up with people's names in my class like i haven't thought of in like 20 years me like and then this girl trying to not say her name but like i don't know beverly dooley said um sister of stacy yeah said i don't know who that is um stacy dooley oh stacy dooley no um but um said that i was mean and like shit like that and kind of like putting things together but then i also connecting the dots yeah and then i also remembered i feel a lot of guilt it's like releasing a lot of guilt in me but it made me realize actually like i made it okay for me and though like there was like weird bits of it like i made it okay and that's what it's kind of reminded me so it's interesting with emdr you go over that memory and she'll be like how much does it hurt and to be honest you have to give a number out of 10 but actually it doesn't it didn't hurt that much i just felt bad for saying like it doesn't like it doesn't like i need to go next time maybe like it doesn't hurt anymore and then you're like pretending that it hurts yeah and i like remembered guys that i used to date and stuff that like i hadn't like remembered and i remembered that it was like really sweet actually and it wasn't all just like getting fucking like bothered by 40 year olds on kick do you know i mean that was like when i first started speaking to someone i was like 14 and he was 16 at my school and like yeah it was sweet and he was my friend's brother and we were both kind of denying the fact that we were gay well i wasn't i couldn't honey um but like he was denying the fact he was gay but it wasn't like bad it was sweet and nice and he was coming to terms things then he went to college and it kind of broke up and i became a whore um but like it's like nice remembering that just become a little oh my god and i've been slag i thought if i can't have you baby i'll have everybody um but yeah it was crazy but it's like nice to be remembered that and so like yeah i kind of have become desensitized does the does the eye movement like no mine's not eye movement so you hold these two like prongs and they vibrate whoa and it's like it like loosens you up effectively it basically just activates your left and right side of your brain so then it kind of you kind of go to your subconscious i think or something right yeah and it just helps you remember things better or like yeah like the thing is i realize that i'm not somebody who doesn't think about it like i think about things really intensely actually so uh almost what i'm I'm actually a very thoughtful person.

37:07But like almost what I've done is I've overthunk situations that I can't remember anything around it, if that makes sense. So EMDR is helping me like remember the things around it rather than doing what it actually is supposed to do where like you kind of buried these things and then you remember them and cry. Whereas actually I remember them too much that I couldn't remember. They were like a cloud and then I've started to remember like really nice. That's interesting. And it's like... It's interesting. It's very interesting. It's like when you remember memories and then you like focus on one aspect of them and then every time you remember them, you like...

37:36I have a feel bad. Or you like make up details or you forget details and as time goes on and you think back to it more, the story changes more from what actually happened. And so it's like, you know, it's been a nice memory, but like, yeah, I don't think I'll be in it that much longer. You don't think you'll be in it that much longer? Oh, I've got a question to ask you. Oh God. Well, that's fantastic news. It's not from me It's from my wife What do you think about Bradley Barcola?

38:12I'm very excited So for international listeners Bradley Barcola is Liverpool's new big money signing He's a French 23 year old left winger I feel good about it Sue I feel mixed it's obviously great that we've signed some prime prime talent you know yeah uh this is someone who's about to enter the prime of their career how long do they have to stay um they have to stay probably a year they probably will stay their contract is like five probably but they could probably leave after three or four um but they're still gaping gaping holes and we have this sort of um we don't really have a right winger apart from this like small uh ginger spanish man who looks like he'd be a sort of uh a bear's dream if i'm being honest um and i don't know if he's despite scoring at the weekend i don't know if he's gonna be good enough so there's there's gaping holes in the squad sure i'm very excited about bradley barcola gaping seriously fucking ocean um but no i'm glad did James send that in?

39:20No. Bill asked me. He said, can you write this down? Also I must shout out Emma and Laura. I met at the pub the other night. Oh, I have a shout out. Because Emma was so lovely. I met Emma at the bar. I met them both at the bar but at separate times. Emma was at the bar and Emma was saying how much Listupon sent me a lovely message to shout out to you Emma and your boyfriend. Hope you had a lovely night. And then I met Laura as I was leaving and I was quite hammered at that point. And Laura you're an absolute legend and you're also a patron person as well so i really appreciate that's so funny i met a patron at the weekend as well who did you meet i met lily at rally yeah who was so funny and she actually uh did one of my silly interviews um and she was lovely and i also met a guy called dylan i think i hope i'm not getting that wrong who was taking photos of blood orange at the start and he was saying that he was currently going back through our catalogue that's exactly what emma said really that's exactly what so shit right now no no she was like i've got i've just gone but i listened to one and then i just went back through them all so she's like i feel like i've just learned loads about you which is crazy it is crazy that people can just do that do that um tragic holiday romances or agony aunts whichever i would like to do a Tragic holiday romance.

40:43Have you got some? I've got one right here. Okay. From an anonymous source. And then I'll pull up an agony on. Cool. Okay. Hello, Louie Bluey. Get a cup of tea and strap in because I've written an essay. Sorry, for context, this is the tragic holiday romance segment, which I put a call out to our listeners. If you have a tragic holiday romance story that you'd like to submit to the podcast, please DM our Instagram or email us at straightdivawith2as at gmail.com. So the reasons this is a bit tragic is twofold. One, no one flirts with me ever. not real people in real life to my face unless they do and I'm too autistic to notice and two my heart has been devoted to someone who will never want me for over a decade and Gerard Way and Vittorio Angeloni okay period I was at one of those festivals where it's in a built-up area one venue multiple stages type shit you stay in a hotel and go to the venue when something's on dead casual like you're from the fucking northeast are you a fucking mackamara geordie it's the first night of the actual festival and we're talking outside of the hotel and i'm staying at this hotel gets a special license every year for this festival so you can literally sit getting pissed till 6 a.m which is great for bands networking because it's right behind the band entrance to the festival so i was talking to this lad for a while on the steps turns out he was in the band that opened the festival but i'd missed him because i hadn't woken up early enough went to talk to some other people for a bit eventually ended up sitting next to him round the picnic table in front of the hotel.

42:05So now it's 3am and all of me actual friends have gone to bed. We're on the coast, I'm getting chilly and he's wrapped his arm around me. So at this point, I've clocked on, he's taking a shine to me, but still not, still sort of not sure because who could want me? Oh babe. Oh babe, you're so lovable. We want you. Wake it up. Sorry, carry on. It gets to like 4am and he's like, you want another drink? So I say, yeah. And when he gets up he gives me a little kiss on the cheek hello while he's gonna shuffle over to the other end of the table sort of like heimlich on a bug's life when he goes oh candy corn let me help you to finish it and say to these skinheads i was talking to earlier help i've got myself into a situation and they're like do you like him i say i don't know are you actually all right though you don't need saving i'm like oh i'm okay i'm staying here i can run if i need to he returns with bevies another hour passes and we have actually kissed i don't really know how that happened but i'm not happy with myself at all because i'm because now the person i actually have feelings for isn't the last person i kissed anymore so i want to kms a bit he basically asks i want to go back to the hotel with him and i'm like i can't because i'm sharing a room with my dad yeah and if i don't show up he's gonna one panic and two he'll know so he gives me another a kiss on the cheek and we go our separate ways day two i was seeing bands on my own for a bit he appears produces a lighter with his brand's logo on from his pocket and smiles at me he stays for a few songs then disappears guilt increases so not only did i miss this guy's band when they were on he's now there's a lot of self-deprecation here yeah a lot of self-hatred okay i'm just gonna make a note of that and i know the festival don't pay the introducing stage so his band are only making money off merch not your problem that night we wore both outside that night we wore both outside the hotel were about outside talking to people again but did not talk exchanged one glance day three dms on ig do not cross paths day four dm'd said we tried to meet up at some point during the festival he spots me with um dad and at this point i'm worn out because it's the last day he says hello and introduced himself to my dad but my dad somehow mishears him and seems angry immediately okay maybe this is where some of the self-deprecation is from he gets angry so fast like why are you somehow taking everything personally so i'm like right i'm gonna go see bands with a mate and i'll see you in a bit walk around to the stage you want to be at and they've not even done sound check yet i'm like i'm just gonna go around to the stage we want to be at and they've not even done sound check i'm just like i'm gonna go to the loo apologies to fucking throw up and shit myself with anxiety the door on this cubicle doesn't close

44:47oh my god i can't even read because filters attendant appears to be in the bogs at the time is everything okay yeah the door just doesn't close on that one i awkwardly go into the cubicle that has just become available i eventually return we stand together bands start playing and it feels like it's the longest set in the world i am paranoid my dad knows something has happened wanna die am i in hell feels like hell the band says this is their last song Fuck me, this is dragging. My dad definitely knows something has happened. Kill me, ground swallow me. The band is still fucking playing. Eventually the band finishes and we go to see the last band on.

45:23Nope, stewards are saying that this bit's closed and everyone has to leave. We literally hear that band playing as we walk around the outside of the venue and see through a crack in the door that that room's not very full. We sit talking outside the hotel for a few hours again. One of the skinheads takes a photo of me, this guy and a couple of others on some steps. My hair looked the best I've ever done it Brackets mohawk I'm hoping the photo develops well And they post it somewhere But this guy's in it Eventually we say goodnight And he gives me a little kiss on the cheek again And he looks so sad I go up to my hotel room Flush is broken Of course it is So I have to go downstairs And queue with the party people downstairs He shows up again And I asked if he got my message No internet One of the loos becomes free My turn Remember something while I'm having a wee As one typically does When I come out he's still waiting in the queue.