Jim Curtis: Break Your Programming, Change Your Identity & Become the Possibility

31:39If I can observe my body, I'm not my body. If I can observe my thoughts and who I believe I am, I'm not who I believe I am. I'm not my thoughts or emotions. Then who am I? Oh, then I'm the awareness of all that. And if I'm the awareness of all that, then can I change it? And the answer is, yeah, I just have to think differently and make a few different choices. Right.

31:59Darin Olien:Yeah. And that's, can that be scary for people? Yeah. Oh my God. the most frightening right because all we want to do is protect who we believe we are because it creates safety and security in the world yeah i mean it's frightening for me yeah right when i was a wall street trader and i was like i hate this job so much i'm not good at it and it's like i'm losing also i'm in such anxiety and i'm not even good at math and like but everybody expects me to be like this finance guy and it's like i went to college for this my family does this and it's like here i am right and it was frightening to be able to say no i'm gonna go do something different right so frightening yeah because you're you created a world a truman show world of like this is who i am this is the people that know me as that all my friends all my family and then you're gonna pop that entire bubble right that's yeah and that's like that's scary for people because they really scary yeah because it's like who the hell am i people feel this about divorce too right you know i have a lot of clients that are like you know i got a divorce now who am i right and it's like oh god how can i do this what the kids think what my friends think well all the things right really scary but on the other side of that is possibility yeah the breakthrough yeah breaking through that yeah it's not it's painful it's painful but yeah i said so i'm walking on the street in new york city the other day and um people come up to me and so this one woman was jim jim and i'm looking at her and she seems familiar i'm like how do I know this woman?

33:52Because I'm still not used to people doing this. And so I'm like, how do I know this woman? She comes running over and hugs me, and I'm expecting to be a cousin or something. I don't know. And I'm like, hi. And she's like, I was in one of your retreats. And I was like, okay.

34:05Darin Olien:We get very close in the retreats. And she's like, I got to tell you, my life has changed completely. I said, what happened? And she's like, well, I got fired from my job, and my husband left me. And I was like, oh, I'm so sorry. She's like, the best thing that ever happened to me. She was like glowing and happy, and I just wanted to say thank you. And so I don't want to scare anybody away from this work, but maybe you don't get fired in your husband. But what I'm saying is that it can be painful, but on the other side of it is liberation. Yeah, yeah. And I think, I know for me the more you lean into that, the more I know the more trust I get of listening to myself and I know that through the breakthrough is always better it's not easy ever what's one of your most painful ones

35:05Darin Olien:that's a good question

35:10I've been

35:11Darin Olien:with I've just been recently going through with relationship, owning stuff, really, really been leaning in and recent. Maybe not the most in terms of the most, but my ex-wife. Owning your part? Never did. Never saw it. and doing some work on myself and certainly got mirrored in some conscious situations, and I called her up. We have a good relationship. Oh, that's nice. Not completely out of left field. We haven't talked, right? So we got divorced in 2018. And I just straight up, no small talk. I said, hey, there's something I need to tell you. Ooh. Yeah. And I said, I bailed. I left. And whatever the story is, I did.

36:16Darin Olien:Like just 100 % responsibility. And just like. She must have been blown away. Who is that? The identity of who is this guy? She goes, I've been carrying the weight of the destruction of our marriage completely on my shoulders. Wow. you just that's potentially life changing thing for her and it's opened up Pandora's box in many different ways and I don't need to get into that on her side but so honest so real so even deeper but it was taking responsibility not easy I could easily just but once I had the awareness I couldn't not see it and I knew that I did what I did but still not everybody would call up and take responsibility that's real growth but that also changed the dynamic for her because now you can no longer be the villain she can no longer be the victim which is a blessing but also a very painful thing because now you have to move and say okay now if if i'm not the victim that means that life is happening for me through me as me and so like how did i show up to create this as well yeah then it's proliferated through many relationships so once i did that i kind of kept leaning in even small ones even guy friends even i have a half brother who he's a lot younger my dad passed 23 years ago and he was only three and I also just owned something with him.

38:01Darin Olien:I said, hey, listen, you are under the spell that I'm too busy. And I was like, everyone believes I'm too busy. I am busy. However, I said, you're my brother. No matter what, no matter when, I'm always there for you. I need you to know that. So this busy shit is bullshit. so that type of stuff and i'm saying that because these things don't have to be monumental no they're giant shifts when small small but you know how painful you know how hard that is you know it's kind of like for some reason we become very afraid of even that kind of emotional shift of having to be vulnerable and like take responsibility and do those things yeah but that's that's part of the release that's that's an entirely new an entirely new opportunity entirely new possibility 100 and it's it's slippery because it's so easy to blow off yeah it's so easy not to do it yeah so easy not to listen to yourself it's so easy to just go about your day and it's easy to ignore the pain right because it's yeah that's painful stuff yeah yeah it's it's uh that's why i love because i absolutely believe even what you put in the book and that truly is those are gateways to possibility and that's the thing yeah but it's yeah it's releasing the old self like you did you release that old identity of the person that was blind to that stuff and took responsibility and that was painful but it opens up to this kind of alignment and and with this alignment we can start to say what do i really want right right and people get overwhelmed with that too because i don't know what i want i want to be happy but what does that mean right let's put down what you really want right so that you can put a gps coordinates into your tracker and so you're not just walking aimlessly through the woods.

40:09Darin Olien:Like, what do you want? And then how do you fall in love with it? And when I say love, I mean like blissful alignment. There's this idea that when people say, just love your life, it's like this kind of, what is love? It's a frequency of something, not romantic love, but it's this blissful alignment with what you want. And this doesn't mean you can do it yet. It's just kind of like, okay, let's say that I want this. I'm capable of it. Now I'm falling in love with it. I've identified what it is. And now what is the persona and identity that I have to be to have it? That's not limited by all my stuff.

40:48And then what do I do there? And so I love that one because it comes to say, okay, if my identity was a construct of my patterns and my programming and I can imagine and see and visualize, a new identity, a new possibility, how do I become it? I think it was Beyonce or some other singer that had this alter ego, and she'd call it something else. But when she called herself that, she would step into this very confident person on stage, and she's like, nothing could stop her. And it's like, we can create these identities of who we want to be and start to act as if and become it. So that's the become part.

41:29Darin Olien:And hypnosis and meditation, all this work. eating healthy foods cleaning the channel right right like this human body is really just a channel and if we're filling it with static and noise and shit it's not only the mind yeah that yeah there's a whole possibility yeah it does add up because it's also self-honoring it's also like not over obsessive we're not talking about that but incremental just like you you know meditate every day you don't even if it's five minutes it's one step it's self-honoring i love that Yeah. I'm not polluting myself, even if it's sometimes I do, but I'm taking steps not to because when I do something good for my body, I feel good about myself.

42:14Darin Olien:Yeah. And you know the flippant comment I get all the time, being in the health space forever, I just want to live. I just want to eat whatever I want. I just want to enjoy myself. Yeah. Okay. and I don't necessarily know how to answer that because it's it's a completely different space that someone's coming from yeah and I'm like well first off if you think I spend a ton of time thinking of how and what to drink and what I actually don't because I've already created habitual right kind of resonance with all like everything else it's a resonance and a habit yeah So I'm like, I get to a new place.

42:57Darin Olien:I'm traveling. Okay, where's the grocery store? Where's the thing? What sovereignty can I grab from my situation instead of the flippant like, okay, now there's nothing to eat. And I'm in a, you know, I just don't put myself into this. But I'm not obsessed over it. And on top of it, it's honoring and I'm creating and honoring the health of it so that I could operate. It's a constant thing. It becomes second nature. Do you cook? Yeah. You cook a lot for yourself. Yeah. I think that's also important. In New York City, anyway, it's so easy to order out and just have it delivered. Learn to cook just a couple things.

43:46Yeah. important yeah it's you know rice and beans man i mean i've been all over the world and i find rice

43:53Darin Olien:and beans i'm really happy yeah like and it's cheap and yeah and hell you can put some broccoli sprouts put it some water and broccoli sprouts and some seeds and you can have a cell in five days for 27 cents right you know it's like there's certain things but also breaking that that space or that convenience and yeah but but i think you know and aligning your life up right when you go through these steps aligning that up to then because maybe when someone's first starting your book or whatever they're just like they can't see all of the possibilities no right right and and we also have our own governors you know on our engines of consciousness it's like okay mine's a little different than it was in minnesota right growing up yeah like now living in california doing other things you go back and you're going holy cow that's the interesting thing about consciousness is that once it expands it has this tendency to continue to expand you don't go backwards right once you're fully aware and conscious of that you may you may go into habitual stuff yeah expanding your consciousness like you said once you see it you can't not right and so that's the important thing and i i've been working with thousands of people to try to optimize this idea of what's personal growth what is this kind of conscious expansion and um this book is is the exact process that I use with one-on-one clients.

45:35So they go through the book. They even do the client questionnaire that all the questions that I have people during, it's all the same, all the information. And then the app that goes with it, you can listen to these hypno-meditations to start to change and reprogram your brain.

45:49Darin Olien:And that takes time. That takes consistency and time. Yeah, it takes some consistency. But often people start to see, you know, after a couple of weeks, like, things are lighter I'm waking up a little happier going to bed easily type of thing it's kind of like oh I can start to notice this pretty quickly possibilities start to open up and then all of a sudden when you really step into it at the end you're like oh all these synchronicities start to happen I was just walking into the grocery store and I met someone we made eye contact I met someone in my experience I just kind of wanted to move to California and I've been saying that for 10 years and all of a sudden I just, I did and then when I did that I got great opportunities with work and then I met someone you did meet someone which is incredible and who would have thunk it there are unlimited possibilities but the possibility is you.

46:59That's the thing that it's so easy to throw that off,

47:07Darin Olien:but when you start to hint at that and you start to get that power back, it's so beautiful. And it's also the moment I get a reaction, the moment I have to make another choice and go, I am the source. I am responsible. I am okay. What else can I be? How else can I expand? What else, what am I not seeing here? You know, it's like that kind of thing. So what's, I'm so curious as you're expanding and I'm really excited that the world gets this book because I think, and the app, that's badass. To be able to, because we do need support breaking our own matrices all the time. Yeah, I love the way you put that, breaking the matrix.

47:54Yeah, because it is.

47:56Darin Olien:It's cracking this Truman Show idea that we all seem to. Believe 100 % hook, line, and sinker. Yeah, and hypnotic in not the right ways, right? It's just like, okay, I'm going to work. I'm doing this thing. Why do you think people are unhappy? People on purpose are different people than people just existing. I want that for the world. So what's your vision for yourself, for the world? What do you see? Because I know I'm seeing things. I'm seeing possibilities more than I've seen them. Even in the face of whatever the world's doing, I'm actually seeing possibilities, and it's the people around me that are also supporting and pushing into that stuff.

48:47Darin Olien:So what are you seeing? What are you feeling? and what are your visionings happening lately? I think that we have a reticular activating system in our brain that allows us to see what we want to see. So if you want to see that the world is going to shit, you'll find that. Certainly if you listen to the news because it's all clickbait. And if you want to see the beauty of the world, you'll find that too. But I think there's a real pendulum in everything, every part of us, every part of the world. There's just a pendulum. And when the pendulum swings here, it comes all the way back here. And at some point, that pendulum gets into the middle ground.

49:23And so what I'm most focused on and what I love most is I realize that it's impossible to give it all away. Meaning the more you give, the more you receive. And so my intention is to recognize people who are suffering and to give as much of myself, not give myself away, but give as much of my support that I can to help that suffering. And what I've found so far is that it's incredibly fulfilling when I do that. So I think that the world is going to a place where we're going to start to want more human connection. We're going to want to shut off the chat GPTs. We're going to want to shut off the agents, the news, and social media and start to meet friends again.

50:17And I see a lot more of that. People are wanting to go to these retreats more. They're wanting to be in community more. And within that, this kind of communal, even food and eating and exercise and biohacking and all this amazing stuff, what I see is that through that we'll get more in touch with our own humanity. and lower our own suffering. Yeah. You're right.

50:43Darin Olien:It is a pendulum. You know? It is swinging, but we're still human. Yeah. You know? And we have a deep desire to connect. And look each other in the eye. Totally. And feel each other's, you know, energy fields. And interact. That is like roboticize as much as you want. That shit ain't changing. No. You need to get into nature. Literally get into nature. When I watch your videos and you get your dogs and you're riding your bike down some trail, I'm like, how do I get that? And just by watching it, I remember, oh, I am nature myself. That's why I love it so much. Yeah, for sure. And so connecting to humans, even if you're an introvert, find that one friend because loneliness is a huge epidemic, especially in cities.

51:39That's a big one, man.

51:40Darin Olien:That is a big one. It's part of the societal pendulum that's created. It's the world of opposites sometimes. And it's a weird phenomenon when you're surrounded by people and you're lonely. And you know what I've found lately is just going out of my way to connect with a complete stranger. I noticed, yeah, I responded, I wrote to you, right? Because I was like, okay. I'm literally doing that every time I go out. Yeah, what happens if you just make eye contact and smile at someone? Change their day and change your day. Bro, it lights me up and it lights them up. And it's so easy. And I catch myself all the time.

52:31Darin Olien:I'm in the grocery store. I'm in Air One, like, spending way too much money. And I'm just like, I'm going through my thing. And all of a sudden, it just happened two days ago. And I just was like, oh, be here. And then going, oh, that's a cool shirt. And that's a cool thing. And now I'm like, now it's dynamic. Yes. Now it's like, whoa, what's happened? Oh, I see you. I see. Now it's like in that cashier, I'm lighting her up. Yeah. Right? Yes. And the cashier before that, a few days ago, looks at me and remembers me. And so he's like high-fiving me. That's how powerful it is. Yeah. It takes no effort other than effort to just connect.

53:16Darin Olien:So that's what I'm excited about. I'm excited about the power of connection. Me too. Like you were saying, that's beyond any of this shit. We should challenge people listening to see someone in public and pay them a compliment, not in a creepy way. Just kind of like an actual see someone, notice them, and just say, hey, I like that about you. Exactly. That's such a powerful thing. Oh, my God. I'm addicted to it now in such a great way. It's like, wow, I love your dog. I love your thing. Even in airports. Airports are such a weird energy all the time. People are so unhappy. It's just like it's kind of like that zone, that amplified zone of it's nowhere but somewhere.

54:06That's a great point. You're in this like liminal state, but there's anxiety because you have to get through security. And then am I going to miss my flight? Is it going to be delayed? Totally. Yeah. And then you're like, where am I? I'm in purgatory right now.

54:20Darin Olien:Yeah, it's a weird space. And then engaging with the TSA guys, like all of the unexpected. I did the same thing with the stewardess. You get in that thing, you get in your little pot. And I ended up having the coolest conversation about their training. I learned so much. And then all three of them were surrounding me and were just up there. And it was like they basically said that there's very little hospitality that they're taught. It is 100 % how to stay safe. Crisis training. Crisis training all the time. Like there are the fire patrol when they're 100 % firemen, when the fire person, when the plane is on fire.

55:11Darin Olien:As soon as it lands, like all of these little SEAL Team 6 shit. that they're doing. They're actually really trained. They're really trained. And they were like rattling off the types of planes and where this, like, I was like, oh, my God. So that's a thing. I would have not known any of that. Your flight probably went by faster. 40 minutes. Got to be up talking with them. It's like, so that's the point. Let's challenge people. So the moment we go to automation, it's it's we're just not available yeah see how life changes when you're curious and open and like actually you know see someone yeah and even on the celebrity side right it's easy to i funny when you're saying uh so alec alec baldwin so we did a we did an episode with him i'm doing this docuseries on happiness right and so alec was saying he was uh he's in the docuseries yeah yeah Yeah, yeah.

56:16Darin Olien:So he goes, it's funny when people meet you because they feel like they know you, right? Yeah. Right? And then they want to take their relationship to the next level, right? But you don't know them. But you don't know them. It's just this funny thing. And it's like he goes, it used to upset me. You know, he didn't do well in certain – but now he's a complete – he's unbelievable. Well, he had that incredibly traumatic experience. you either go backwards or forwards yeah i mean this it's he opened up about that and that it changed his life and he had to meet a lot of dark stuff uh with that and over an accident a horrible accident like god god god god that's a lot of guilt and shame that you just gotta like you know it's not your fault type of stuff yeah and then on top of it the society is doing whatever the hell of course because you have like the the entertainment news has to have stories i would uh i want to hear more more about this docuseries yeah um so yeah i get noticed more now yeah um so i'm on do you want to say any more about that just yeah out it so like yeah yeah i'll say more about but yeah but the story so i'm on um you know like the new york city i'm just like in a very abstract like 26th street and 2nd avenue which is kind of like a nowhere right so like and so i'm walking from an appointment i had and um i'm like oh maybe i'll just sit down at this place on the street and get some some meatballs the best italian meatballs and look great so i'm having a cup of coffee and some water and i'm like you know what i'm gonna go for it i'm gonna get these meatballs.

58:05And I start enjoying my meatballs and this woman comes up to me and she goes

58:10Darin Olien:you look just like Jim Curtis. And I said I do? And she's like yeah do you know him? And I was like no. And she's like hold on one second. It takes about three or four minutes to pull out her phone. And I'm like I'm surely done now. And so she's now looking for pictures of me and she shows me this picture of me and she goes this looks just like you. And I was like, you're right, it could be my brother. And so I'm waiting for her to recognize, and she just says, well, you know, I think he's dating Jennifer Aniston. You should look him up. And I said, okay, I will. Bye. And she says bye and continues to walk.

59:03and I just sat there kind of giggling to myself and I immediately wrote my family and just said, I can't stop and get meatballs like I used to. But I even saw the beauty in that interaction.

59:16Darin Olien:If she had recognized that I was the... And so if you just stay kind and... 100%.

59:26Everybody's just trying to live.

59:28Darin Olien:100%. Well, it's also beautiful at this time in your life where you have also done enough work where that ego is not going to get all involved, where you can sit there and go, oh, I can be a gift. I can have these interactions and be cool and share that without, you know, because celebrity is weird. It is a... Yeah, and I mean, just being kind. Yeah. Just having fun being kind. Exactly.

1:00:03Notoriety comes and goes.

1:00:05Darin Olien:Totally. In a second.

1:00:11So you really have to stay on purpose. What is your purpose? What is your meaning? What is it? Because that's the only thing that matters.

1:00:20Darin Olien:And I had a moment. that so i did that first docuseries with zach efron right so we uh we must notice you all the time yeah yeah it does happen i mean it's you know whatever but yeah it's it's fine and i it's gracious and i love it yeah in terms of like what can i give but that imploded right so that whole thing uh for a zillion reasons it was like my heart and soul that the the the creation of that and I couldn't keep it alive. I didn't have enough control of it. And so losing that show meant more than a show to me. And so there was a certain identity to it. Yeah, real identity. And I was like, holy fuck, that was like losing a partner.

1:01:07Darin Olien:There was layers to that that I didn't even unpack for years after. And that's where the transmutation of that led to a deeper understanding of why I'm even doing it. And I knew that. I wasn't doing it to be on a show, to do a show. It was innocent how Zach had reached out to me years ago about other stuff. And so we had this innocent. So learning from all of that, that's where the happiness docuseries came out of. And we're able to go, okay. Who else is in that docuseries? So far, so Alec, Elijah Wood, Hobbit, action. I love him. And he is as great as you can possibly imagine. Samwise Ganji? Yeah, just gamer.

1:02:03Is Elijah? No, Elijah was Frodo. Frodo. Yes, of course.

1:02:09Darin Olien:So just gamer. Best attitude, just gamer all the time. Love him. Love him. And Shailene Woodley, who is also just the sweetest, beautiful. We're having a blast. Filming, not filming, we're all just having a blast. That's great. And then Jason Momoa. Oh, he's cool too. Yeah, so Jason and I knew each other, and we were kind of looking at another show, at a certain point, but he's busy on top of busy. So we ended up going to New Zealand and filming him there. Oh, you went to New Zealand. So you're going to these locations where people are. Well, yes and no, like some work. And then we've got, I'll tell you off air, we've got three others that we're trying to get their teams to.

1:02:59That's going to be great. I can't wait for that to come out.

1:03:02Darin Olien:But yeah, it's part of a bigger mission to create something. Different in the world. So, dude, I'm so excited for this book and the app, the adjunct to the app. Yeah. I think it's, I think, well, it's called The Book of Possibility. Yeah. And I think it's going to make an impact. I mean, it's something I wish I had when I was going through what I was going through. Yeah. And it really teaches you to take control of your life and use these tools so you're not consciously, consciously, constantly searching. So I think no matter what it does, it comes from such a place of love that even if one person gets the book and loves it, that's enough.

1:03:46Darin Olien:Well, it come out of, just like you said, you created something that you wish you had from the journey you went on. and then to be able to share that with others, especially based on your professional background and working with so many people, you're able to create something that can be received. I think that's needed more than ever on the planet when there's so much distraction. I agree. So I'm honored to meet you here and I'm stoked. Thanks for having me. Yeah, this is one that I was psyched about. Yeah, man. Thank you. Thank you, brother. Yeah, great. Nice. Good.