The Forgotten Superpower That Every Deeply Connected Person Secretly Uses

0:03Darin Olien:Welcome to Super Life with me, Darin Olien, a podcast where we explore, discover, and share solutions that promote a healthier life and a better world. Together, we'll ignite possibilities, inspire change, and build sovereignty, creating a roadmap towards a super life for you and for all. Get ready to start living your super life.

0:32Darin Olien:I'd like to take a quick break from this episode to thank our sponsor, Fatty15. That's right. I want to talk about something that isn't talked about enough, keeping our cells healthy. Here's what I'm doing now to prioritize cellular health, supplementing with this new, exciting research, and it's called Fatty15. Fatty 15 has three times more cellular benefit than omega-3s or fish oil. This is dietary odd chain saturated fatty acids, OCFAs. There are present trace levels in dietary fat, some fish, and plants. Higher circulating concentrations of this OCFS. we realize through the research that higher circulating concentrations of this is extremely good for us.

1:28Darin Olien:It is called pentadonic chaotic acid or C15. Omega-3 fish oils and algae oils often go bad before they're even in the bottle. That's right. They're susceptible to oxygen and sunlight and the supplements can't even help to improve our health usually. But fatty 15 or C15 naturally protects against damaging oxidation both in the bottle and in your body. If you want to get a little more science-y about it, studies show that C15 works by strengthening our cells, improving our mitochondria function, and protecting us against damage from free radicals on a very deep level. The result? Better long-term metabolic liver and heart health functioning.

2:18Darin Olien:It ends up many of us are massively deficient in C15, which results in weaker and weaker cells that makes us have less energy. And we quit working earlier. We're seeking to find that energy. Where is it? All of this makes us age faster and faster. And the science around this is so fascinating. We sleep poorly. We feel sluggish. and we're all looking to feel better and have more energy. Does it sound familiar? Fatty 15 is science-backed, award-winning, vegan-friendly, and pure C15 supplement. That's it. By replenishing our cells with this newly discovered C15, the nutrient of Fatty 15 effectively repairs our cells and restores our long-term health.

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4:13Darin Olien:Here's a moment I want you to think about. So you're walking past someone, a stranger, let's say in a coffee shop, someone at the table next to you, a person in line at a grocery store, you get it, but you notice something about them, a real moment. Maybe they have the most genuine smile. Maybe they have a cool t-shirt. Maybe there's quite an essence coming off of them. Maybe they're full of joy. Who knows? Maybe the person's taste of how they move and what they walk. And those moments come. A small but true warm thought. Oh man, I should say something. And then almost immediately, a wall goes up.

4:57We tell a story in our own head. We don't say anything. The thought gets filed away. you look back at your phone you stare at the floor you let the moment pass how many moments have you let pass like that every second of every day when you're out in the world we all do this all the time and most of us think nothing about it it's a small thing it's a blip What's the point? I don't need to do it. But I want to suggest to you something. This tiny moment that we swallow is a genuine potential outward expression. It's one of the most important moments you are not paying close attention to because it's both a symptom and a cause of something that is running silently through all of our lives, costing us more and more of what you don't even know.

6:02We live in a world right now that is starving, genuinely starving for human contact, real human contact, not more contact, not more messages, not more followers. People, us, are starving to be seen, to be acknowledged, to have another human being look at them and say, I notice you. You are real to me and I see you. And every one of us has the ability to be that for someone regardless of how small the contact is, how quick it goes by. It's free. It could be seconds. It could be 90 seconds and almost none of us are doing it. Today's episode is about vulnerability, but not the way it's usually talked about.

6:57We're going to start where vulnerability actually begins, not in the therapist's office, not in a deep 2 a.m. conversation, but on the sidewalk in a passing moment, in a checkout line, in the small, terrifying, magnificent act of you going first, you being vulnerable. I'm Darren O 'Lean. This is the Super Life Podcast, and today we're gonna talk about the most courageous, most healing, most misunderstood thing that you can do as a human being today. Go first. We are more surrounded and more isolated than ever. I wanna share a few numbers with you because sometimes we need to see some data laid out to understand the scale of what we're dealing with and what we're talking about.

7:5458 % of the people say that meaningful interactions with strangers or acquaintances, brief, warm, spontaneous contact, happen less than once a week. Less than once a week. One in three adults in the U.S. say they feel a sense of belonging. in their daily community, in their neighborhood, their town, their places. Adults in the U.S. say they feel a sense of belonging. Only one in three. That's a big gap. 74 % of Gen Z and 71 % of millennials report feeling alone or disconnected at least once a week, despite being the most digitally connected generation in history. Read those numbers and think about your morning.

8:45Think about your drive to the coffee shop. You're running into the people you work with. You're interacting. The routes that you take. The barista that makes your cup. The stranger next to you. The stranger behind you. What happened in this moment? If you're like most of us, nothing. Barely a nod. Maybe a nod. But silence. eyes back to a screen in your own little cocoon not looking around not acknowledging others and i'm not here to shame you for that because i do it too it takes a level of consciousness to break that we all do it because somewhere along the way we're taught that engaging with strangers is intrusive that expressing warm unprompted is weird whatever the story is that going first, offering something real before you know if it is received or not is risky.

9:44Yes. And I'm here to tell you, take a risk. It's good for everybody. And here's what the research shows, that that belief of not risking is costing our mental health, our physical health, and the texture of our daily lives gets really, really boring in ways most of us have never even fully reckoned with or acknowledged. A study at the University of British Columbia, The Kindness of Strangers. Gillian Strandstrom and Elizabeth Dunn at the UBC ran a series of studies asking participants to interact with strangers, even briefly and warmly. During their daily commutes, after multiple experiments, those who had minimal positive interactions with strangers reported significantly higher positive effect, greater sense of belonging, and reduced loneliness compared to those who remained silent and isolated.

10:50Critically, participants consistently predicted these interactions would be awkward and unrewarding. That's what they predicted before they did it and were consistently wrong. The interactions felt far more positive than anticipated. The barrier was entirely in anticipation, not the reality. And by the way, for the last few months, I've been stretching myself and doing these things. Complete strangers, buying them a meal, having a conversation, asking them what their dreams are. It has been so utterly amazing. When I was willing to break through and just interact with absolute strangers, I actually had a blast.

11:38Everyone wants connection. Everyone. The reason we don't go first isn't because it doesn't work. It's because we've overestimated how risky it is. Again, rumination in the brain. And underestimated how good it actually feels for both people. The one stretching and going first. The one receiving. Every stranger you walk past is carrying something. A worry, a grief, a small joy they haven't shared with anyone. One sentence from someone. can remind them they exist in the world, that is not small. That is one of the most human things there ever has been. And you can make that effect now, today. Why going first feels terrifying and why it isn't.

12:36Let's talk about why saying you have a beautiful smile to a stranger feels like stepping off a cliff because it's not irrational. There's a real biological reason. Your brain has a threat detection network anchored by the amygdala that scans for social danger continuously. And social rejection for your nervous system registers identically to pain, physical pain. FMRI studies at the UCLA show the same neural circuits lighting up when you're excluded or judged as when you're physically injured are the same. This is ancient wiring. In the ancestral environment, being rejected by your group was a death sentence.

13:29We are not there. We are standing in a line waiting for coffee. But the brain, unless we interrupt it, become an interruption for this ancient weird ass ancestral rejection patterning we don't get the benefits serotonin dopamine oxytocin the threat response is real the actual danger is almost never never never there your brain is firing a lion alert in a world where there's no freaking lions So now here's the other side. What happens in your brain and body when you push through that fear and offer something real, a compliment, a greeting, a warm acknowledgement? First, dopamine. It feels good.

14:20It's not in a bottle. It's in your body. The act of making a positive social gesture, acknowledging someone, one that comes from genuine warmth, not obligation. It triggers dopamine, releases this reward circuitry, not the dopamine hit of like a notification. This is not what that is, which is shallow and fleeting, a deeper reward signal associated with meaningful social interaction, looking into the eyes of someone else. Second is the oxytocin. When the gesture lands, when they see in that brief moment of mutual warmth, both people experience an oxytocin release. This is a bonding molecule. We see each other.

15:15The anti-inflammatory hormone of magnitude. The chemical that drops cortisol, reduces blood pressure, increases feelings of trust and safety. A 20-second interaction with a stranger, if it is genuine, can trigger measurable oxytocin release in both parties. And at the end of the day, do you need these facts? It feels good. You know it. And the third, the nervous system shifts states. So there's a polyvagal research that shows the genuine social warmth, even brief eye contact paired with kind expression, activates the ventral vagal system, the state of safety, openness, and connection. You literally move out of this mild threat mode and into the social engagement system.

16:09For the rest of that interaction and often for minutes afterwards, your biology is absolutely different. Here's the insight I want you to take away from this part. and it's one that took me a long time to fully understand vulnerability is a practice it's a muscle the more i do it the more i actually want to do it i look for it i look to engage i'm i had a ballet picking back up my car and i sat there and go i wish i had cash to tip you and i only i tipped him with like the virtual like right i just gave him the credit card and he got an extra tip and I was like, man, I looked at him, I go, wouldn't it be nice to have the cash back?

16:55Let's bring the cash back. And I started singing it. And he started singing it. And he started dancing in the parking lot with me. Bring the cash back. Bring, bring the cash back. We're having a positive, I guarantee his whole day shifted. And also telling a close friend, a deep truth about your life is powerful. And this is another level. Most of us aren't willing to even start there. But at least saying hi to a stranger, telling the barista their smile just made your morning, pausing to look at someone and actually acknowledging them as a real human being. That's how we can do something right now.

17:39And listen, if you want to go deep with all your friends. I highly encourage you to do that. Be vulnerable. Tell them how much you love them, how much you care about them. I've been doing this like crazy with my friends, my family. The small outward acts of openness literally rewires your threat response. Everyone talks about rewiring the nervous system, calming down in their nervous system. It works in day-to-day life. If you want love, be love. If you want kindness, extend kindness. It's that simple. Each time you go first, the world is altered by your willingness, your vulnerability, your action of spreading love and kindness.

18:24Each time that smile smiles back at you, that thank you, that really is something, really helps something. It really helps you, your heart, your brain, shifts you from survival to rewired sense of belonging and connection. These smallest acts consistently throughout the day will change you. Be vulnerable. It is a superpower that changes you and everyone around you.

18:53Darin Olien:I'd like to take a moment to mention my amazing sponsors, the company Body at Shakeology, my baby who I helped to formulate way back in 2006. Most people think of a protein shake as a quick fix, but Shakeology, because I know, was built with a completely different intention. It's superfoods. It's nutrient density. It's a superfood nutrition shake where quality actually comes first. I know this firsthand. When you talk about the quality story, we're talking about a refusal to take shortcuts. While most of the industry uses generic blends to cut costs, every single ingredient in Shakeology literally is individually researched, vetted, and sourced from global partners all over the world who meet the strictest standards of purity and sustainability.

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20:40Here's where we can get real and practical. I'm going to give you six specific ways to practice going first from the smallest possible move all the way to the most powerful. Work your way. Try it. Do it. And when you do it, give a comment below. Tell me. Tell me about it. Shoot a video. Whatever you need to do, do it. Okay. The most underrated act of human connection, making eye contact with a stranger and saying hello. Boom. Action number one, do that today. Maybe it's not a complete stranger. It's someone at your workplace that you haven't talked to. Do that. Interact with someone. Stretch. Speak the truth.

21:26You know that warm, specific, genuine thought that comes when you notice something real about another person and you swallow it. Don't swallow it. Stop swallowing it. You have a great energy about you. Boom. Walk. Keep going. You don't have to sit. flatter someone just because you can ask real questions most conversations run on autopilot how are you good how are you good go off script what's the best part of your day been so far what are you most excited about the day all of this stuff interacts deeply we all crave it and give a real answer when someone asks you honestly i'm a bit stretched this week you asked me how how i'm doing i'm a bit stretched i'm but i'm grateful for it i'm stretching i'm learning i'm growing and then throw back that kindness to them thank you for asking i hope you have the best day ever this is a completely different way of acting start noticing the invisible people that hide away sit in the corner and interact with them the person that you know is cleaning the table, the security guard that stands alone all day, the parking lot attendant, the valet, the overnight shelf stalker at the grocery store.

22:48Make eye contact. Say hello. Hi. How are you? How's it going? You move around a lot. You walk around the store a lot. Thank you for doing what you're doing. Thank you for making it easy for me to shop. All of these things. Think of one person also in your life who has mattered to you today. Write that down right now, unless you're driving, and what they have been to you, what kind of teacher they've been to you, what kind of friend, what kind of parent, what kind of mentor have they been. We run around so much where we don't interact truly with people. We can be the source of possibilities. Go first.

23:30Not about being fearless. It's about being and being willing to do it. Willingness shows and opens the door of, I see you, I value you, you matter. Before you know how it will go, your willingness, your courage to step into that. I have been having these days every day. So instead of putting your head down or unconsciously grabbing your phone in public, look around, engage with a stranger. I dare you. And if you do it, tell me about it because I guarantee you it will be powerful. The more you do it, the more I do it, the more I want to do it. This is available to you. This is mental health. This is changing your state.

24:21This is giving you the best medicine from within. dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, lower inflammation, connection, heart, relating to other people. Say hi to a stranger this week. Tell someone they made you smile. Thank you. Thank you for doing that. Write a letter to a loved one. Make a call to your mom, to your dad, to your brother, to your sister, to a friend. Just straight up tell them how much you care about them. Don't let another moment go by without fully engaging in your life. I'm grateful for you. This is what I love to talk about, engage with, and invoke in you. This is Super Life. Engage in it today.

25:10Peace. Love.