Why the Longest Study on Happiness Says You're Focusing on the Wrong Things

0:03Welcome to Super Life with me, Darin Olien, a podcast where we explore, discover, and share solutions that promote a healthier life and a better world. Together, we'll ignite possibilities, inspire change, and build sovereignty, creating a roadmap towards a super life for you and for all. Get ready to start living your super life.

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2:03Darin Olien:Just type in Darren, D-A-R-I-N, and magically, you get 15 % off. I'm super stoked for Therisage. I love their company. I love what they're doing, and you will too. Welcome to another episode of Super Life where we dive into the art and science of living our best life. Today, happiness, contentment, and cultivating a positive mental outlook in the world today. This is an art, this is a science, and this takes us to be aware of it and creates an opportunity for us to get consistent and we can build this muscle. Whether you want sweeping life changes or a quick micro habit guide, we're going to tackle this in this episode.

2:54This episode, we're going to break down the big and the small ways you can boost well-being. And it's also backed by some incredible science, some of the longest standing science that we have today. The big levers of lasting happiness. Let's start with the foundational life-changing strategies that research points to for deeper happiness and resilience. It's funny, right, that I'm even talking about this. It's funny that our brains, our amygdala, our catastrophe idea of the world and our lives sometimes get the best of us. And certainly from the algorithmic dominance that's going on in the world, from right and wrong and good and bad, we need to talk about it.

3:47And we need to come together as a community and start building the muscle of happiness, creating opportunity for a positive mental outlook, and look at what we can do to build outside of the matrix that is telling you something different. One powerful way is prioritizing positive relationships, nurturing deep connections, both family, friends, and even community circles. This is strongly tied to life satisfaction. So when I'm talking about happiness, I'm not talking about I won the lottery and I'm just having these kind of moments where I get what I want and it's fleeting. We're really talking about the deep underlying foundation of satisfaction and contentment.

4:47Investing into empathy also is huge. receiving where someone's at active listening without saying anything listen you always can tell when someone's listening to you without jumping in and cutting your sentences off that is not active listening and certainly quality time lifts the mood and builds a sense of belonging. Because at the end of the day, we all want to feel like we belong, period. So some of the key findings in some of the greatest studies around happiness, and that's the Harvard study. Relationships are the strongest predictor of happiness and health, Period. Full stop. 90 plus years Harvard has been studying this.

5:48And this is powerful. The clearest, most consistent findings is that a positive, supportive relationship with family, friends, and community is the biggest predictor of happiness and longevity. Longevity. They go hand in hand. Happiness, longevity. Good relationships are more important than money, fame, social class, IQ, how many likes you get, how many followers you get, and even a stronger predictor of genetics in determining both well-being and how long you live. If this was a pill, everyone would buy it. But we can do it. This isn't something you have to pay for. It is something you can cultivate in your relationships.

6:48But it also takes you to step up, be vulnerable, open yourself up to this possibility. Quality matters more than quantity. So if you have a ton of friends, but no depth, you will be bankrupt because the quality of relationships will not be there. So it's not the number of relationships, but the quality, the closeness, the connection, the heart-centered listening, all of that stuff. Warm, trusting relationships are crucial for happiness. and they guard against health decline. They guard against loneliness and conflict and accelerate physical and mental deterioration. If we don't have it, it accelerates all these things.

7:44Healthy relationships also protect the brain and body. Now, if you want to dig into the research, I have dug it all up for you and we have it in the show notes. participants who were more satisfied with their relationships at the age of 50 were the healthiest at the age of 80 showing that relationship health prediction both physical and health decades later proved to be positive so we have all the data points you have strong relationships now, it will be giving you the longevity keys later, period. Good relationships shield the brain. They help delay cognitive decline and protect against depression.

8:37When you're depressed, you isolate. You go against these opportunities of closeness and connection. So the very thing that depression is pulling you away from, you should lean into your relationships, your connection. Even physical health challenges will help alleviate and curb the health outcomes, will increase your longevity. And also, people in happy marriages and supportive social networks live longer. For women, marriage added an average 5 to 12 years, and for men, 7 to 17 years to their life. Relationship satisfaction acts as a buffer against both emotional and physical pain as people age.

9:42If you grok this for a second, you will today start working on those close relationships. And if people can't go there with you, then accept them where they're at and find people that can go deep with you. Social fitness needs exercise. So we need to practice this. The Harvard study coined the term social fitness, suggesting that relationships require regular attention and nurturing, much like physical health. Taking relationships for granted reduces all of those benefits. And of course, they're confronting. They're confronting to places inside of us that are in pain, that have trauma, and we all experience that having a body in this world.

10:41Darin Olien:So these are the opportunities to confront those things that are keeping us from closeness, connection, vulnerability. Happiness increases with age for many. contrary to common assumptions participants who became happier as they got older focused more on positive experiences becoming more selective about where they spend their time what they're doing in a present moment so what does that equate to what i take from that is boundaries setting up boundaries so that you're protecting the positive mental outlooks on your life and your relationships when asked about regrets later in life most participants wish they had spent more time with people that they loved not at work and not working harder the accomplishments they were most proud of were being a good partner, a good parent, a good friend, and a good mentor.

11:54The Harvard study started in 1938 and now spanning over 85 years. It's unprecedented. It's depth, it's duration, following people from all walks of life through adulthood. The study's directors, including Dr. Robert Waldinger, emphasize that nurturing relationships is a form of self-care and that these investments shape both happiness and health across decades. Another important factor is set meaningful goals for yourself and your life. Not just ambitious goals, but aligned with what matters to you, your values, your ethics. This provides direction and drive and a sense of accomplishment for you.

12:53Darin Olien:All linked to the long-term contentment, as well as the contentment in those moments. Break big goals into small steps. You know this, but you have to do it. If you don't do it, then it's lost. So breaking the goal down into steps now, today, fuels you both physiologically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And embracing a goal mindset is powerful. Believe you can learn and get better. Just that belief is a powerful tool. This fuels challenges as opportunities, not as threats. Life is happening for you. It's not against you. People with a growth mindset bounce back faster from adversity, and they cultivate self-trust inside.

13:55and also a regular mindfulness practice.

14:00Darin Olien:Mindfulness is about being present, going for a walk. Hell, take your shoes off. You'll know where mindfulness is when you're stepping on that rock, right? This is an easy way. I just did this this morning with my dogs. You have to be very diligent on each step because there's a lot of rocks and sticks that I've certainly had lodged into my foot before. So it's an easy way for mindfulness in your life. Certainly meditation and focused on your breathing. Breathing is such a powerful way of mindfulness. Every morning, I go through three rounds of breathing. I use all kinds of different techniques.

14:43Darin Olien:It depends on where I'm at. Sometimes it's slow and rhythmic. In the nose for five, out and hold on the top, out for 10, and then hold on the bottom. And I do that for a series of minutes. Sometimes I go fast. Breath of fire. If I want energy, if I want to wake up, if I want to then focus on what I want to meditate on or focus on what I want to journal on. These are powerful mindfulness meditations. And certainly happiness has a care for your body. Not being disconnected, feeling the feelings, and then not letting them ruminate into creating stories or judgments or disconnection. Move your body routinely.

15:38Darin Olien:Exercise releases feel-good chemicals that banishes mental fog. And of course, sleep. I've been falling asleep and I'm not even forcing it. Without looking at a TV, I've been falling asleep at 8 o 'clock, getting eight and a half hours of sleep. I've been going through some pain lately in my body, some old injuries, so I'm doubling down on how much sleep I get. Because there is nothing more powerful than sleep and nutrition. Even time in nature plays this direct role in how your mood is and how you have cognitive resilience. And then, of course, practicing gratitude, regular noting of gratitude.

16:32Darin Olien:Everyone can note what they're grateful for. If you are listening to this, you have the means and the resources to have a computer, to have breath in your lungs, and be able to take in this moment. we know that by gratitude fills that space affects our moves lowers that stress easy gratitude journal starting that every day easy moment that you can cultivate every day that has powerful effects every micro habit makes a difference and there's little things so these savoring of the sensations of mindfulness, feeling into your body, feeling your toes, your fingers, your eyelids, feeling all of what your body is, just noticing your body, scanning your body.

17:27Darin Olien:These tiny acts of mindfulness are powerful. One thing that also is powerful is tiny acts of kindness. Holding a door for somebody. Saying hello as they pass by. Sending a text. If someone pops in your head right now, just give them an unsolicited compliment. It is good for you and it's good for them. These things are powerful. Brief moments of goodwill ripple back a huge amount of joy. Then, of course, embracing nature. One, two, three, ten minutes outside can change your outlook. Let the sights and the sounds, the birds, the sun hitting your skin, these soothe us. These get us back to the flow of nature.

18:27Darin Olien:And at night, looking up at the sky and seeing the humility that the stars bring us, These are incredible. If you practice these every day, it is an antidote for anything that is not working in your life. Certainly through that, new ideas, new thoughts, new concepts could pop into your brain from the ether and therefore give you insight without thinking about it. and certainly in today's day limit your time on social media create practices i put my hand up just like anyone else i scroll too much i lose track of time that's what it's for it's trying to steal our time so come back to us controlling our time give yourself parameters because that is just disconnection.

19:26Darin Olien:Smile even when you don't feel like it. If you smile to yourself, it has been shown to trick the brain to feel happier in that moment. It's that whole thing. You can fake it and get the benefits of it. Just by me smiling right now, it helps me feel good. this is a way that we can easily hack into and go back to what is natural within us

20:04Darin Olien:one thing that is also powerful is reframing negative thoughts when you notice this negative spiral. Pause. Don't go into shame or blame. Gently challenge that negative thought and say, what are you there for? What can I do to understand what you're trying to tell me and get a greater insight? A very powerful thing to do also is writing down tiny activities that consistently boost your mood. And do those activities. Stand up, put on your favorite music, even for five minutes, and dance to a song. Call a friend that's always been there for you and say hello. Stepping right outside and into the sunlight no matter where you're at.

21:03Darin Olien:Use this as daily medicine. And certainly, learn to pause. Learn to shut down other things, rest, close your eyes, take some deep breaths, move into any discomfort or boredom, and take a mindfulness pause. Take a time out. Often, that contentment is already there waiting for you. Contentment is your natural state. And also, what would it look like to prioritize positivity? Deliberately arranging your day to experience positive emotions. Maybe you have a big day today, but you schedule a daily walk. You schedule that call with a loved one. You text someone, I love you. Just doing that as a positive way every day will raise your ability to have that positive mental outlook.

22:10Darin Olien:This directly impacts the physical health, lowering risks of heart disease in the research, bolstering and improving the immune system response, and even lengthening the lifespan. Gratitude, acts of kindness, mindfulness are all shown in numerous studies to reduce stress, increase satisfaction, and help you enjoy life's simple pleasures. So, these things are powerful. Make one small change today. Add it to your list before you start the day. Don't pick up your phone first. Pick up your journal. start that gratitude journal text someone a compliment these are things you can do schedule a nature break set daily intentions even the night before one thing I've been doing that has been so powerful is writing out a perfect day what is that perfect day I stretching myself I'm really stretching myself what would that day look like.

23:24Darin Olien:I wake up, I roll over, I kiss my loved one. And I don't even have a girlfriend or a significant other at this point, but I feel her. I see her. I want that compatibility. And I write that out. And then I'm moving to creating the TV show that I'm working on, which is also around happiness, contributing to more, realizing that there is so much more that I want to accomplish. I'm letting myself right out these days, a perfect day. I jump in an electric plane that I own. I fly to an island where I give a lecture and I have a meal with 15 people that I love. And then we hang out, we eat, and we celebrate food, and we laugh.

24:19Darin Olien:These are some of the things that I'm doing every day. And I'm telling you, it's so powerful. Because what it starts doing for me is it starts lining up to the things that I'm actually doing. Set daily intentions. Notice the good. Catch yourself in the act of negativity and say, Whoa, I don't need to go there. I don't need to exercise that negativity. challenge yourself to do something kind and remember contentment comes not from chasing more but from being present in your life noticing what's already good happiness and contentment aren't destinations they're here with us right now by you just listening fully to what i'm saying you're also having ideas and concepts come to your head where they fuel you now getting you to remember the people that love you your pets that love you the things in your life that are incredible the sun that's always showing up and beaming down on you choose just one idea from today's episode and make it a habit The science is clear, big or small.

25:45Darin Olien:These are choices that add up to a super life. Full stop. I'm committed to you. And believe me, in a few weeks, I will have a Patreon dedicated to you to building a super life. It's coming. I'm going to jump off social media. I'm still going to be there. But most of the goods I'm putting on Patreon. and that's where I'm going because I'm committed to living my best life, and my best life is connected to you. I also truly, I truly want you to have a super life. Thanks for listening to this episode of Super Life. Please like, subscribe, share this. This is an act of kindness, of sharing this episode with people so that they can have a little more opportunity than the crazy matrix that's telling them something else.

26:46Darin Olien:Stay well, stay curious, and until next time, go get your super life.