How to become a K-pop superstar — in 7 minutes | Charlene Kaye

0:06You're listening to TED Talks Daily, where we bring you new ideas and conversations to spark your curiosity every day. I'm your host, Elise Hugh. I have been counting down the days until I could share this talk with you because it is from comedian and rock star Charlene Kay, who took to the TED stage in a brilliantly shiny silver jumpsuit to break down a truly global phenomenon for us. It's part musical, part dance performance, part comedy, part how-to guide for becoming a K-pop superstar. All I can say is enjoy.

0:55Hello, everyone. My name is Charlene Kay. I actually started my career out as a pop musician. And after 20 years of grinding in the industry, the way I know that I've finally made it is that I am now a stand-up comedian. And today, here at TED, I'd like to talk about something that I have been obsessed with for years, which is K-pop. Do we have any K-pop fans in here? Oh, nice! If not, don't worry, there's nothing wrong with being a straight dude. And if you love K-pop and you're a straight dude, are you sure about that? So you might think that it is extremely difficult to be a K-pop star. You have to move to Korea, you have to do this whole training program, and I'm here to tell you today that that's not true.

1:41It's actually really easy to be a K-pop star. Anybody can do it, and I'm going to show every single one of you how in the next seven minutes. Are we ready? All right, great. So in K-pop, you have the girl groups and the boy groups. You want to be in a girl group? So easy. All you have to do is be super cute but not too young looking, really sexy but not too slutty, really badass but not too masculine. You know, all the things men have to think about. So when you start the song, you're not gonna sing. You're not gonna sing. You're gonna talk. Lots of vocal fry. You're gonna talk. Hangar, yoramonga.

2:22Then you walk, walk, walk. Drive a car, shake your hips. Bend yourself, lick your lips. Shoot a gun, blow a kiss. Then the main rapper comes in and she has something the first girl doesn't have, which is... bangs. Now I'm gonna rap like a sexy baby, I'm a savage, you all wanna hate me, now I'm gonna twerk like Cardi B, cause the Bronx is a neighborhood in Korea. And then, you might know Korea is a very Christian nation, so you can't really sing about sex. So instead, you're gonna sing about fruit. Eat my strawberry moon, strawberry sundae You can eat my tangerine, cause it's my birthday Put your face in my peach, my watermelon Cherries are red and berries are blue It's not about sex, we just really like fruit And then after fruit, logically, you're going to sing about guns I'm serious, but you have to stay cute Never mind that guns are illegal to civilians in South Korea You're really cute, but you're also in NWA.

3:47All right, now let's talk about the boy groups. First thing you're gonna do is join the other members of your group who are 23 ripped twinks. Twinks. And you're going to rap some sexy nursery rhymes. Now, how do you do that? You just got to whisper everything like it is the filthiest thing you've ever said to anyone. It's so easy. Just like this. Twinkle, twinkle, little star. Three little piggies go to market. Old MacDonald had a fun. Yeah, girl, I'm a little teapot. Now it's time for the course. There are too many of you if you really each have your own line. So what are we gonna yell about?

4:42But it's like sexy Spending that cheese I'm hot like a fever

4:54We're gonna say more foods like ice cream, hot sauce, chicken noodle soup, donut, cherry bomb, butter fondue. It's not about sex. We just really like food.

5:11Let's talk about something that happens with both the girl and the boy groups. And this is something that I call the OBR, or the obligatory reggaeton section. And in this section, it is mandatory. How you talk about how you're either really cold or really hot. And there's no in between. Here we go. I'm either really cold or really, really hot. Super, super cold, except when I'm hot. I'm freezing like an igloo, I'm burning up a sweat. Trying not to sing in a Jamaican accent. Cold, winter, winter falls. Goodbye, winter, winter again. Hot, so hot, hot, hot, enough. These are all real songs, by the way.

5:49Winter fair, winter, winter flower. Very hot, I'm so hot, hot sauce Snow flower, winter without you Hot hand, hot issue, hot supper Sweet winter, the winter's tail It's cold, like it hot Fire, playing fire All these cold songs and all these hot songs There's no such thing as warm in K-pop

6:14We've reached the most critical moment in any K-pop song Which is the dubstep dance freak for no reason now how do we do this you're going to do the following moves number one you're going to glitch like you're connecting to dial-up internet in 1999 then you're going to make pizza in the matrix you heard me then you're going to be a horny mime in a glass box and then finally you're going to give the angriest massage and end in a pose called the passion of the christ you guys got all that right it's so easy we're going to do it together here we go

7:10We've reached the finale of the song. This part usually has really uplifting lyrics like shining like a shooting star or climbing to the top of a mountain. And it goes just like this.

7:23I am gonna shine like a shooting star I am gonna climb to the mountaintop Just to be with you Then every element of the song randomly comes back and the person with the highest voice in the group does way too much. Then you end in a move called the magic mic. Everyone turn their phone flashlights on.

8:22Congratulations. You're now a K-pop superstar. Thank you so much.

8:33That was Charlene Kay speaking at TED Next 2025. If you're curious about TED's curation, find out more at TED.com slash curation guidelines. And that's it for today. TED Talks Daily is part of the TED Audio Collective. This talk was fact-checked by the TED Research Team and produced and edited by our team, Martha Estefanos, Oliver Friedman, Brian Green, Lucy Little, and Tonsika Sungmarnivong. This episode was mixed by Christopher Fazey-Bogan. Additional support from Emma Taubner and Daniela Balarezo. I'm Elise Hu. I'll be back tomorrow with a fresh idea for your feed. Thanks for listening.