How Expectations Keep You Stuck | David Robson

26:51And then I looked back at the video and like what felt like this huge kind of tremor wasn't visible on the clip at all. So yeah, it was much worse in my head than it was ever going to be in real life. But on the same subject, you know, I've seen some really good research showing that even if people do detect some of these signs of nerves. So even if they can hear a little tremble in your voice or see that your hands are fidgeting a bit more than you might want them to, people, it's not just that they're forgiving of that, they actually do see you as being more appealing and likable because it's such a relatable, understandable response to giving a public talk or to going to a job interview.

27:35People, in general, just aren't judging you on those things in the way that we feel. The reality is rarely as bad as we think it will be. Well, the other thing to go about that is if I'm coming to a TED Talk to hear you speak, I want to hear what you have to say. I'm not narrowing my focus to look for these signals. It's about the totality of that experience and focused on learning something and the growth that comes to that. And if you seem like a normal person that I could connect with, well, even better, that allows me to focus on what you have to say much more so. If there's any body language that's outside of that, that would draw my attention away from what you have to say.

28:21Yeah, exactly. And I've come away from some talks and people have said, especially when I was first starting out with my first book, they were like, I can tell that you feel a bit nervous, but they were like, you shouldn't be. We liked you because of that. We actually were rooting for you. And like you said, they just wanted to hear what I had to say. And as long as I appeared like I knew my stuff and that I was not bullshitting them, then they were like, that's what they wanted to come to the talk for. They weren't there for this kind of super slick performance as if I was some kind of Hollywood actor giving a talk.

28:56They were there to hear what I've learned about, you know, these psychological topics. So along with this, obviously there's the physiological stress response, but then there's also for a lot of us, the way we visualize events happening. So you talked a little bit about based on past experiences, this predictive modeling that your brain does, but we can actually use positive visualization to start to shift those expectations. And we've heard about Michael Phelps and his ability to visualize races to the tiniest detail and of course all of the feats of glory that he's achieved in his Olympic career.

29:30But how does an average person harness this power of visualization? And what does science really tell us around visualization? Because when we talk about it in our coaching programs, some clients raise an eyebrow or two or feel like it might be woo-woo to feel that, oh, I just have to daydream about success or manifest success and then it happens. But the visualization, there is sound science on helping your performance. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, so I have to say before I was kind of researching and writing my book, I was, you know, a bit like your clients, like a little bit skeptical of visualization.

30:02I think because we have heard, you know, a lot of pseudoscience around that kind of stuff. And, you know, I'd say like with all of the expectation effects, it's not like you can just visualize what you want and you don't have to actually put in any real work for it. Sadly. Yeah, it's called the metaverse. Right. But, you know, that being said, like visualization can help you to capitalize on the other stuff you're doing. And, you know, my favorite example of this, again, is with exercise. what we see is that when people regularly visualize doing an exercise like lifting a heavy table for example so people might do that every day for a month just visualizing it not actually going to the gym now that's not going to actually build the muscle fibers themselves but what it does do is change the way the brain plans and executes its movements when it's lifting heavy weights so it's kind of encouraging it maybe to recruit more muscle fibers and to make those movements more efficient to give you the confidence to give the prediction machine the confidence that it can lift heavier weights than you have been doing previously.

31:14And that's exactly then what happened at the end, when these participants were tested, after having done this visualization exercise every day for a month, at the end of that, they were able to lift about 10 % heavier weights than they had done previously, before they'd done the visualization exercise. So it's very, a very marked effect um and i'll say the best thing obviously is to do both to kind of go to the gym and combine that with visualization it's also really useful if you're injured um so there have been studies looking at people who've got their arms in plaster casts and they get them to do this visualization exercise and what that helps is to maintain the strength in those muscles even when they're not being used because it helps the brain to kind of recognize that there's still strength in those limbs and that you can still, once the cast is off, you can still get back to your regular routine without having lost all of the progress you've made previously.

32:09Now, is there a specific type of visualization that is the most impactful? Yeah. So you could do it in a kind of first person or third person perspective. And what I mean by that is you could kind of really immerse yourself in this visualization as if you were actually doing the exercise right now in your body. Or you could look at it from the outside as if you were like an observer watching you do that. That's not very useful at all. There's no statistically significant benefit to doing that third-person fly-on-the-wall visualization for building strength, at least. But there is really that immersed first-person visualization that's the most effective.

32:49That's interesting that you should mention that because any time that I've ever visualized myself going through any behaviors or emotions. I've never thought about it and viewing it in third person. It was always in first person, but I guess if you told somebody to visualize it, they could very well do it in third person and not reap any benefits. Exactly. I mean, so actually, weirdly, there are some other benefits to visualizing stuff in the third person, but just not the strength. But say, if you are getting super stressed about an event, and you keep on thinking about it, so say you are thinking about this talk that's really stressing you out, trying to imagine yourself from the third person in that situation leaves you feeling more detached and can actually reduce the stress response.

33:37So there's benefits to both. But I think when you're building strength, you really want the brain to be planning those movements very accurately. And that's best if you're immersed in what you're visualizing. The level of detail that you utilize in the visualization helps tremendously as well. So it's not just, okay, I'm going to think about it for 30 seconds, but it's every syllable of the talk with you on stage. It's you walking in the room for the interview, answering the questions, then exiting the room. And the more that you can harness your ability to visualize as fully as possible that experience, the more benefit you're giving your brain for that future experience and its predictive modeling.

34:14Yeah, exactly. You're kind of giving yourself the possibility, I guess, to try out all the different alternative scenarios you might face. And then, you know, it is like a form of rehearsal, I guess. It's just you're doing it in your mind if you can't actually get to the venue to do it in front of an audience before the talk is off. So yeah, as much detail as you can in that circumstance, I think is incredibly helpful. Now, we always talk about the impact that our relationships have on our expectations. So for many of us, we might be in situations with friends who aren't supportive of us stretching our comfort zone or doing things outside of the norm.

34:53And one of our exercises inside our X Factor Accelerator involves going out and stretching your comfort zone by laying on a sidewalk with people passing by. Now, to share that exercise with people who aren't familiar with self-development or maybe aren't concerned about growing their confidence in that way, they might be very skeptical and say, well, why would you do that? That sounds awful. People are going to point and laugh at you. But inside the group, members are all doing it together and coming back the next week and talking about how amazing and invigorating they felt having accomplished that and no one reacted negatively to them laying on the ground.

35:28It actually creates more impetus for group members to participate and to join in the next week and to get value out of it. So this group expectation is often set by our friends, our family, relationships around us. And we don't often think about the impact that their expectations are having on our ability to perform and take action in meaningful ways in our life. I want to add to that as well in that exercise, what usually happens, a majority of our clients then after doing that one exercise, they're like, well, that wasn't so bad. when will that exercise bother me? So then they look for more and more heavier trafficked areas to do the same exercise to figure out at what point does that anxiety hit and then being able now to attack that and use those opportunities to get more and more comfortable being in those social settings.

36:25And then at that point, all of the concepts that we've talked about on this show become very easy to use because now you've navigated your inner critic and the anxiety that was keeping you from being proficient. I love that example. Yeah, I'm going to try that myself. But yeah, I do think, like you say, our friends, our family members, it's like people have kind of written a script for us in the way that they think we're going to interact with the world. And it's really difficult for us to escape their script and to kind of take charge of that, to kind of chart our own kind of narrative, if you like.

37:10There's a whole ton of research on this, you know, a lot of it from education, looking at teachers' expectations of students. And, you know, teachers should be quite good judges, and often they are of like, who are the more able students, but they're still biased, like everyone else, they come with these assumptions. and then you know they transmit those beliefs about someone's ability to that person where it becomes internalized and it can be you know it doesn't have to be someone being actively verbally nasty to a kid or a student or an employee it can just be like non-verbal cues like whether you you know whether they kind of look distracted and bored when you're speaking or whether they're kind of nodding along if they give you enough time to finish a thought or whether they're just like dismissing you instantly and you know moving on to another point before you've really had a chance to develop what you were talking about um you know all of those kind of cues are really important and what happens is that you know when you're treated in that way you begin to feel that you are not um an effective agent yourself so it increases your anxiety makes you feel um you know less less capable more demotivated and then that translates into your performance um And that's, you know, that's incredibly sad, actually, that when you look at the data, sometimes these teacher effects, you know, it can begin like quite early on and then it kind of escalates throughout the school because each, you know, once a kid starts underperforming, then they're kind of, it's going to create the expectation that they're going to always be, you know, kind of lower in the class.

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42:41And that is, again, it sounds a bit kind of, you know, new agey, kind of flaky pseudoscience. But it's not like just repeating a mantra, like, I'm going to become rich, I'm going to become rich. It's like, it's much more about trying to look at the things about yourself that you really know you value. and it doesn't have to be related to the task at hand at all. So if it's, you know, someone worried about their academic performance or public speaking or, you know, work performance, just forget about that and try to focus on the other things you like about yourself. So your sense of humour, how good a, you know, son or daughter you are, how caring you are, how creative you are, you know, your music taste, all of these things.

43:24And then you kind of list maybe 10, pick one, write a short essay about that in particular, like why that value or that ability is so important for you and then that's it you can forget about it but what that's done is there's created this sense that you have a well a realization in fact that you have all of these other resources it helps to increase that self-efficacy that might have been taken away by the other people around you and so what we see is that in education for example that can help these disadvantaged groups who are facing that stereotype threat and that anxiety, all of that that comes from this, from others' beliefs, it can help them to kind of let go of that anxiety.

44:07And so they actually start to perform consistently better when they perform this exercise regularly. And I think for a lot of our clients who are into self-development, they might not have friends or family members who are so into this or feel like this is an area that they want to strengthen. And oftentimes they'll feel that the expectations of others will hinder them from sharing or wanting to take action or wanting to stretch their comfort zone. And then the flip will happen. They'll join a group like our X Factor Accelerator, be surrounded by people who have removed the expectations of what it would be like to lay on a sidewalk or remove the expectations about what it would be like to use the conversation formula with a stranger and come back the next week feeling like anything's possible in that environment.

44:49When you're surrounded by people who are only talking about positive expectations, removing the negative pessimism, self-talk and expectation setting that are often found in social groups or in our community or in our family who could be holding us back. Yeah, that's it. We really want to surround ourselves with those people who are not kind of prejudging what you're capable of. You know, I hope, and in my experience, some people do kind of update their expectations of you. other people don't um and some people you know this is even shown in that research some people actually react very negatively when you kind of break away from the script and i don't know i don't have a good answer for how we kind of deal with those people but i think if you know they're coming from a bad place and then they're trying to you know subconsciously maybe but holding you back like we need to be really conscious of that effect they're having on us and make a kind of sensible decision about how to manage that relationship.

45:49I think an important part is determining what side of you you feel comfortable sharing with them, right? And maybe this self development side is not what you share with them. You share your musical interests or you share your sports that you enjoy with them, but you remove that pessimism or that negative effect that they have on this area of your life where you're really stretching yourself and look for other people, coaches, mentors, or even other participants in coaching programs who are going through those same challenges with positive expectations of growth. And you'll be able to see it's like fertilizer for your growth and your ability to perform in these moments.

46:27I think there's another aspect to it as well. And there's a safety mechanism, but the traps that come with setting up expectations and focused on the wrong things. For a lot of people, I think their peer group is an opportunity to measure themselves about what their expectations should be. And, or if they're chasing say happiness that we certainly, there's a, there's a book by Russ Harris called the happiness trap and all about that, which is if you're looking at, if I'm looking at AJ and I'm like, well, AJ is happy. So I need to be more like, well, like AJ. And then all of a sudden I hear that AJ is on this self-development kick and he's growing and he's putting himself in these situations to grow.

47:13Now I have to follow that and maybe I'm too scared to do that. So I don't want AJ to be doing those things because I want AJ to be next to me and happy so I can be happy. Right, yeah. I mean, social comparison is like, you know, one of the number one things that kills joy and life satisfaction. Yes. And so I think it's, you know, it's also important for us to recognize that we have this tendency ourselves, like you say. And so I think with our own self-development, it can be useful to focus on your own trajectory more than focusing on how you compare to these other people, because you're always going to be able to find someone else who's a bit more successful than you, seems to be happier than you, is richer than you, you know, all of those things.

47:59And that's not good for your own satisfaction. And I think it can be demotivating with your growth. And we actually see that even with studies of exercise, you know, the kind of fitspiration posts on Instagram, like I'm sure they are useful for some people. But for lots of people, actually, they're really demotivating at the gym. And because by comparing yourself to someone who maybe has a slightly more toned than you, you know, better abs, like, bigger muscles on their legs, whatever, that negative comparison you're making between yourself and them, that then reduces your perceptions of your own physical ability.

48:35It actually makes the workout then that you do significantly harder and it reduces like it kind of damages your mood afterwards. You don't have that run as high. So yeah, we have to be careful of our own self-comparison to others. And I think, like you say, we should also be conscious of how other people might be perceiving our personal growth and whether we might be having the same effect on them. Now, we've talked a lot about discrete performance or specific performance and its ability to harness those expectations. But a lot of times, expectations can also deplete our willpower. So things that take a lot of time, training for a long period of time, losing weight over a long period of time requires a level of willpower to stay with it, even when there are plateaus naturally that are happening or gains aren't happening as fast as we like.

49:25Like, what does science say around expectations and their role in our willpower? And what can we do to harness science to increase our willpower? Yeah, I mean, I was kind of shocked by this research. Because, you know, I'd always really believed the research on ego depletion, which was just the idea that your brain has limited resources to practice self-control after a certain point when those resources are diminished. it's much harder for you to either stay focused on the task you're doing or to stay committed to your goal. So you become more impulsive, more distracted, you give in to temptation, whatever your goals might be.

50:07So it could be, you know, you don't end up going to the gym and you sit watching a box set. It could be that you're, you know, you reach for the cookie jar rather than kind of sticking to your diet, you know, all of these things. It could be like for me that I'm like always on social media rather than like writing my next book um so you know i really believe this there's like when you get fatigued when you've practiced uh self-control um after a certain point it's kind of diminished um but the research shows that actually a mindset is that is the result of a mindset and actually you have some people who see their willpower as being easily depleted in this way and that becomes their self-fulfilling prophecy you have other people who see willpower as being kind of self-enhancing.

50:54So it also makes intuitive sense, actually, if you think about it, that you kind of get into the zone with doing the task that you're doing. Like, you know, if I was writing, for example, sometimes I can be really in the zone. And then it actually, once I've got there, it's very easy for me to keep going. It's like it becomes self-perpetuating. The same with self-control. You might think that first day of giving up candy is going to be really tough, but then it gets easier after that point, because you kind of built up your strength on that first day. So two very different mindsets, both of which can become self-fulfilling prophecies.

51:32And actually, most of us probably might have, you know, a mixture of the two, we might have one mindset for one type of task, like sticking to a diet, another mindset for another type of task, like exercise, or kind of avoiding distraction at the workplace. But the good news is that, you know, whatever mix of mindsets we have, you know, in the situations where we have that depleting, limited mindset, we can, you know, once we're aware of that, we can remind ourselves that that's not necessarily the case. We can remind ourselves of the times when we have actually had this self-perpetuating willpower.

52:07And by doing that, we find that actually, you know, we've changed the script again. And we're on this new trajectory where our willpower in that particular area now is enhanced simply by changing our mindset. And what I love about that, we talk a lot about this on the show, you can't think your way into acting, but you can act your way into thinking. and in a lot of these examples, okay, we need to find other situations where we had that mindset and things came together and created that willpower. Well, if you're not experiencing life, if you're not allowing yourself and stretching yourself in various areas, picking up a musical instrument, as well as learning public speaking, as well as reading and listening to all of this content, then you're not gonna have those experiences, the action points to draw from to make those mental models for other future activities that you're working on.

52:57So we talked a lot about exercise. We've touched a little bit on diet. And one thing that came out in the book was the power of words and language and how it can cue us and frame things in a way that impact our expectations. Is the meal going to be satiating or is it going to feel like it's basically prison food, flavorless, something that I would dread eating versus a diet that I would actually look forward to? So what role do words and language play and our expectations and how can we harness the science to use that to our advantage, whether it is in dieting or reaching some of our other goals.

53:32Yeah. I mean, I were, you know, words are incredibly important in the way we frame, you know, all kinds of experiences, but, you know, using the example that you kind of started like with food, you know, it can change the way that your body responds to what you're eating. And I found that incredible. If you have a milkshake and you have been told it is this kind of sensible but totally insipid health shake with few calories and no real ice cream, no kind of chocolate flavoring, if you've just been told that it is prison food, then hormonally your body responds to consuming that as if you've eaten nothing, as if it contained no calories at all.

54:18Like the response in your ghrelin, which is the hunger hormone, just barely changes at all. It's like the worst thing if you're dieting for you to consume stuff, but it's actually not helping to satiate you at all. And you're still going to have all of those hormonal signals to seek food. Now, if you have that, say, milkshake, and you're told it's luxurious and decadent, you know, full of like delicious double cream. you know then your body starts treating that as if it's a really satisfying meal and you see that drop in the hunger hormone ghrelin so your appetite decreases after you've eaten it in just the way it should do now again you mentioned earlier that are we conscious of this happening and we're not really conscious of that happening like I think we consume a lot of food without really considering the associations that we've got with that food how it's been presented to us but all of that is incredibly important.

55:17And I think in dieting in particular, you know, we can easily think that like, just forget about flavor, forget about enjoyment. It's all about reducing the calories. But this research shows that's the absolute opposite of what we should be doing. Like the flavor, the enjoyment, the pleasure that we're getting has to be a crucial ingredient in whatever we're eating, even if we're trying to reduce the overall number of calories. And going along with that, it's important to not distract yourself while eating. So you talked about your social media habit, many of us will be on our phone and mentally checked out while we're eating and very quickly not feel satiated even after having a high caloric meal.

55:53And we're also pretty bad judges of whether or not food actually has the right calories because again, we're cluing into these words. So we'll hear healthy or low fat and all of a sudden we're making expectations about what that's going to taste like, if it's going to fill us, if actually we're going to feel satiated at the end of that meal, all based on the words and the labels of the packaging of the foods we're consuming. Yeah. I mean, it's really unfortunate that say people have this, it's called the unhealthy is satisfying intuition. So basically if a food is simply labeled as being healthy, we assume it has fewer calories, that it's not going to be so satisfying.

56:33And that becomes the solver-filling prophecy. We assume that if something is, you know, if we're eating a hamburger and chips, that that is going to give us more satisfaction, even if the calorie content is identical. So, you know, if you're on a diet and you're eating like a plate of broccoli, a little bit of salmon, you know, we've got this kind of intuitive response that means that we expect to experience hunger pangs later on, and we do as a result. So overcoming that intuition, educating ourselves about food, about the calorie content, about the nutritional value of what we're eating. And then making sure that, you know, if you're eating those healthy foods, that you're still getting all the pleasure that you would have done from that junk food.

57:15You know, that is as essential to the process of dieting as just kind of, you know, trying to cut the calories without really considering like all of those associations. I'm very curious as a writer, you know, outside looking in, it feels like a very daunting task, especially thinking about writing your next book. and then all these thoughts of writer's block and where am I going to get my creativity come to mind. So taking all this great science and lessons you've learned in this last book, how are you harnessing this in your creative process when it comes to writing? What do you do mentally to get yourself prepared for the output that's necessary to create your next book?

57:53I think there's a couple of things that I've learned. And I think one that has been really helpful is learning how to reframe frustration. Now, a bit like the stress response. I think when we're doing an intellectual task or a creative task, and it's not working how we wanted it to, and we don't understand a knotty concept or the words just aren't flowing, we can see the frustration as like a sign of failure. And we kind of work that up with this kind of catastrophic thinking process into this kind of worst case scenario where it's like, I always used to be worried. It's like, I've written like one book.

58:36It's like, my creativity is probably dried up now and that's it. I'll never write again. I mean, that is such a ridiculous thing to think at like in my mid thirties that like, you know, I've already passed this like very shallow peak and that's it, it's downhill ever after. It was ridiculous, but I did used to have that mindset. um and so i've just you know learning about the science of the expectation effect i've learned to actually reframe frustration as this positive process um because we know from the neuroscience and psychology that frustration is often what we feel just before the breakthrough is actually just a sign like the aches in our muscles when we're working out it's a sign that we're pushing our brain beyond its comfort zone to grapple with something that is not, you know, never experienced before.

59:24And that is a good thing. And that's the only way that we're going to grow, you know, as writers or in any profession. So that was my main lesson. There's another trap in the creativity bucket, which is after depleting all of your creativity and pouring it into a project and feeling like that is it, that's the masterpiece. I don't know if I have another one in me. And you put that there. If that is really in your soul, you will find yourself with that pen in your hand again, or the guitar on your lap again, and you start chipping away. And there's another part there as well, which is if you don't continue to strengthen and that creative muscle and push yourself to your creative limits and try to maintain somewhat of a status quo in a certain genre box that doesn't allow you to push that creativity, that has a crippling effect on you as well.

1:00:20It can almost make you feel depressed of like, why am I trying to create within these confines when where I want to grow is outside of those combines. Yeah, exactly. I mean, that's, you know, really how I'm trying to kind of frame creativity now and to realize that, you know, it's not like you have a fixed number of creative thoughts in your head that are kind of, you know, it's not a limited resource that's just going to run down to empty. Like, I actually think with creativity, the more you express yourself, the more you push yourself out of the comfort zone, the more abundant your creativity becomes.

1:00:58And it's recognizing that that actually each idea you have can lead to two more ideas. So we can afford to be brave with the way we express ourselves rather than always living in this state of fear about having a creative block. A lot of those confines come due to the external expectations that we put from other people who might be viewing that. But there's another powerful mechanism that is combined with that, which is monetizing that creativity for those people, where your ideas and where you want to go with that creativity may be nothing that this group of people that you know so well want to pay with, pay for.

1:01:39But what you haven't thought about is the new group of people who are going to be appreciating the strides that you had made to push those boundaries. And there's a whole new group of people who are expecting that to be moved in that manner. And that's a new bucket and a new audience and expectations you'll be dealing with. But it'll allow you to be happier and find people who are going to appreciate all of the striving for new realms of creativity. Yeah, exactly. I think like we often underestimate just how hungry people are for kind of new ideas. 100%. So So obviously with expectations, I feel the frustration piece, I'm really glad that you highlighted that because it's a mental pain that will often be the limiter that stops us from moving forward.

1:02:31So for those in our audience who right now might be feeling some frustration in an area of their life, what advice do you have for them who may not be writing to use that frustration to channel that frustration in a reframe that's more impactful for their growth? I mean, I think this is a very general rule about how you can reframe frustration. But I think the number one thing is to first recognise, like, why are you feeling frustrated? Like, it's like, you're probably frustrated because things aren't working out the way you want. But what's the kind of real source of that? Like, if you can't do what you're doing, like, what happens if you can't do that?

1:03:06Like, what are the consequences? And recognising that will lead you to recognise what's really important at the fundamental level of this task that you're doing. I mean, I see that a bit like with public speaking, for instance. Like, if I asked myself, like, why was I nervous about public speaking? It was because, like, I'd written my books and I really wanted to communicate that message to people. and a little bit of me really relished the possibility of doing a great talk connecting with people getting that feedback from them having those conversations I was almost too scared to admit that that what I really wanted was to actually be good at it because it can be incredibly rewarding and so I think that can be something that we often forget it's like we're not going to feel frustrated or anxious about something that isn't personally meaningful in some ways It's because we really want something.

1:03:59And recognizing that drive is so fundamental. I love that. Thank you for sharing an excellent book. I'm really excited for our audience to dig in, especially when it comes to this idea that there are all of these influences, internal, external, societal, that we actually have control over mentally to reframe and move towards our goals in a faster manner. We love asking every guest what their X factor is. What do you think makes you unique and extraordinary, David? I don't know. what I think my curiosity, I guess, is what I think like, that's the thing I'm most proud of, actually, because I really think especially with these subjects that interest me that I write about, like I can just take one like lead, and it just takes me like in places I've never expected before.

1:04:44And I just love that process. And I think that is kind of maybe what makes my it certainly is like what has fueled my writing. And so yeah, that's what I'm most proud of. I love that. Thank you for sharing. Where can our audience find out more about the book and all of your work? Cool. So people can get the book from any good bookshop, I would hope. But you can find out more about me and about the expectation effect of my previous book, The Intelligence Trap, and also read my portfolio on my website, which is www.davidrobson.me. And I'm on Instagram. And also I've just started using threads as well.

1:05:23So if people want to start a conversation, it's David A. Robson is my handle. Beautiful. Thank you so much, David. It was a pleasure having you. Thank you. Thanks so much. It was a great conversation.

1:05:46This week's shout-out goes to Tristan, who wrote AJ and I over at LinkedIn to share what his life has been like since 2015 when he came through his program. Guys, my story is a usual story. There's a guy in his shell. He discovers self-help books and your podcast. And still, the changes don't come easy. So he takes your program. And not long after, everything starts to change. My career goes into overdrive. I meet a woman who becomes my wife and then comes the house and then the kids. Guys, lots of things have contributed to this, but the Art of Charm program stands as the highest concentration of growth I've ever experienced.

1:06:37Living large in West London. Thank you, guys. Well, thank you, Tristan, for writing and letting us know how things have been. And guys, that's right. AJ and I are over LinkedIn. So if you're over there, shoot us a connect. It's AJ Harbinger and I am Johnny Zubak, DZUBA. Okay, you'll find us over there on LinkedIn and share your experiences about how you found the podcast. All right, everybody. Until next week, go out there and crush it.

1:07:18You love away Like it was just a toy And you sold the world You're a song of a tragedy Cause you had your taste Of black on yesterday Yeah, but I remember you Oh yeah, I remember you In my life

1:07:48Amen.