Networking on Easy‑Mode: 3 Proven Plays [Social Intelligence Brief]

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0:58And all of a sudden it all begins to hit you, right? Who do I talk to? Who isn't busy? How do I turn this into something? And by the time you slowly wrap your head around everything that is going on, you begin to think, well, what's even the point? How long have I been here? An hour and a half. Would anyone notice if I left? So today, in the next 18 minutes, you're going to walk away with three ready-to-go lines. One to start a real conversation, one to swap value, and one's to bounce you out like a pro while the other person is already typing your name into LinkedIn. This is networking on easy mode.

1:40And here's a quick reality check. Most of us underestimate how much other people like us after that first chat. The liking gap has been proven across five studies at Harvard and Cornell. And here's the good news. A little prep, visualizing the room, rehearsing a couple lines, cuts networking anxiety in half and boosts your follow-up rates, according to HBR research, which means that if you can be a little more prepared than the next guy, you're going to have a much better time at that next networking event. Right, Johnny? Absolutely. Let's get into it.

2:21Now, here's a new finding that you haven't heard from us before. People remember context-rich openers 30 % better than generic greetings because novelty actually lights up the hippocampus. Now, this is fascinating because so many of us are stuck using boring small talk openers. We're not paying attention to what the science actually shows. And if you could be novel, you become the most memorable conversation that person had at the entire event. Guess what the follow up rate is going to be? It's going to be astronomical. You're finally going to be getting a response. So let's do our best to bake novelty into that first sentence.

3:00And that's our first framework, the starter. Now, break through boring small talk with an observation that is relatable. Then we're going to bridge to a bigger theme. And then we're going to ask an open ended question to get them participate. So we're making an observation. We're bridging it to them to make it an opportunity for them to now add to the conversation with an open-ended question. For example, man, last year's event had such a strong speaker list. It looks like Trump's tariffs are really hitting everyone hard these days. Are you impacted by the tariffs? No, but you see that I just did there.

3:34I made an observation about the event. I made it a little bit more topical for everyone that I'm talking to. And then I asked them a question that allows them to open-ended share if they're being impacted by the tariffs and what that looks like. That context-rich novelty, that first observation is going to make that opener stand out from all the other boring, why are you here? Who are you here to see? How's the weather? What do you do? What's your company? etc. Right, Johnny? Absolutely. Here's another great point about that. What do you think everybody else is talking about in that room? They're talking about what's going on in the room.

4:13And specifically, they're talking about all the other people in the room. So it's really easy to pick out some unique people. Hey, have you met those guys? Do you know those folks? I've seen them making the rounds. I don't think I've met them yet. Maybe do you know if they're one of the speakers. This makes it incredibly easy. And everyone else in that room has anxiety and tension going on as well. They put big expectations up. They want to make this happen. So if you're the person who's able to break through that tension and pressure, you're going to be the high value person. They're going to remember you.

4:49Now, I was working on this exact thing with one of our clients, Corey. He had to go to a massive networking event, happens once a year. And there is a bunch of important people in that room. In the past, he would just look at people's name tags, try to recognize their company and make a comment or question asking them about their company. All we did was we did a little bit of legwork. We prepped up what he recognized about the event that he was super excited about. And we made sure that he opened with an observation. That observation gets everyone synced up and it works really well in a group setting.

5:24So sure enough, after a couple rounds of drinks, he walks up to a group of really important people they was excited to be meeting. In the past, he would have waited for his turn to speak, but he started with an observation, got everyone's attention, and he got followed up with at the end of that event, where they sought him out asking for his contact information because they weren't able to exchange it during the conversation. Best part is that doubled his book of business that next year. just by opening with a bit of an observational point of view and then asking for everyone's opinion on that observation, he became memorable at that event.

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7:06That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash charm. Free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash charm. So here's the next framework you can use. We just, at the top of this, we discussed that the second thing was going to be a value exchange. So I want to lay this out for you. So again, people get bogged down in incessant small talk, but here's the truth. Nobody likes small talk, as AJ was saying, certainly with people, they don't even know. So showcasing your value makes you interesting and people get a sense for who you are and your purpose. In fact, AJ and I love this so much. Before I get into the framework itself, I want to let you guys know that AJ and I used to play a game when we would go out.

7:55So we would go out in Hollywood, networking events, social events, whatever it was. I mean, we were very social back then. We were still building the company. We were new to LA and it was all exciting. So the game we would play is we would see how fast we could show our value, but also at the same time be able to help people out, connecting and creating later collaborations. And now the help that we would give, these are small favors. This is what we've talked about on the podcast a million times, the five-minute favor, an introduction, a text, a sending of an email or some other sources that would help this person out.

8:34so that was the game we would play and then we would afterwards we would debrief did you meet this guy oh yeah i met that guy too all right here's what we talked about here's what we talked about great that fits right into what we're going to be doing i i already got his number we're going to set that up we have dinner we have a meeting next week like we had a blast doing this so this is something that if you have a buddy who's ready to go out and schmooze with you this is the way to do it. It's going to have a fun. We had so much fun about this that we decided to take one of the black boxes out of the whole thing, which is the venue.

9:10And we would set up our own event so we would be able to run the room and share our value. That's next level. So once you've mastered it out on somebody else's territory, you set it up on yours, creating strategic relationships with people that we deemed worthy. It was super fun. Do you remember those old days, AJ? Oh, absolutely. Here's the trick. All right. So we're going to flip a chat into a win-win without sounding salesy. So the pattern is number one is value recognition. So spotlight something that they just shared. So if they are talking about working out, they're talking about climate change, they're talking about entrepreneurship, AI, there you go.

9:59Now you have some meat. You got something that they value. This is something that they're interested in. So step two is the complimentary offering. So sharing your sources or skills or knowledge that fits. Oh, you know, I have this great workout plan that a buddy gave to me. If you're interested, I'll shoot it over to you. Hey, if you like it, use it. If not, Hey, no big deal. Just want to help out. And that's now that you gave the gave value brings us to the collaborative bridge. So you float an easy next step. Oh man. And if you want some more, hit me up and we can exchange a few others. And if you have a good one, I'm happy to check it out as well.

10:45And now you've set up the bridge so that information can flow and you can take that to the next level, to the next stage. This is so important because so many of us in this opportunity, we look to sell ourselves and we're trying to find that angle that we could start talking or pitching or getting what we need to get across to the other person. But it's so much easier when we first recognize something that they value and then complement that with something of value that we have to offer. That's what allows us to form the bridge. And that's what makes that next step, that follow-up, that next call, that demo flawless.

11:23It makes it inevitable because we've recognized their value, complemented it and created the next logical next step. And if you guys are persuasion fans out there, this is from Cialdini's persuasion levers. This is reciprocity, right? This is one of the triggers. And also this is what we practice in our social intelligence implementation sessions, because it's not something to hear it on this podcast or read it on a book. These things need to be on the tip of your tongue. They need to be easy for you to access so that you can throw it out there comfortably. And here's a quick story about how that works.

12:02So I remember our client, John, he used this to great effect at the first social event that he had went to since his program. And he was nervous, but it was something. We were just practicing this technique in our implementation sessions. So it was already on the tip of his tongue and he was already feeling a bit confident about it. So for him, he's thinking about it. Now he went out and he he's getting a drink and started talking to this guy. He was standing next to him at the bar and he's like, well, why not? Here's my chance. So they grabbed a couple of stools, began talking and he did the framework and he didn't think of it much at all, but that opened up the doors to them vibing at the, at the, at the event.

12:52And then they hung out all evening. And the funny part is, well, now that's his business partner. And here's what's so important. The next step becomes logical, not abstract, not, oh, maybe I hope. Hope is not a strategy in these scenarios, right? If we're in a networking event, if we're trying to win business, if we're trying to get something across, we need to be clear with what that next actionable step is so that it's anticipated and expected by the person that we're talking to. And the easiest way to do that is to set it up in a valuable way that ties to something that they care about, something that they really value.

13:30One last point on that. Because you have given value, they see you as an ally. You're trusted. This opens up all the rest of the conversation. So for all of those people out there, it's like if I just got the one thing to say to get me in. Well, now you got the entry point that AJ gave you. And now I showed you how to open things up with you leading with your value. So obviously how to start a conversation, key point framework number one, then how to make that pitch, how to get to the point where you actually have a follow-up opportunity is framework number two. Let's talk about number three, the graceful exit.

14:08So many of us stay in conversations longer than necessary. And when you're in a big event and you're expected to meet lots of people, you can't be hanging out in that conversation, beating a dead horse until it completely dies. In fact, science says the peak end rule is the most important part. Yes. Meaning people judge a whole interaction based on its emotional high point and its conclusion. So what do we want to do here? We want to end it on a high. We want to exit at the highest point. It's going to make it more memorable. So how do we do that? We appreciate one insight they gave us. We bridge to the future.

14:43We frame why we're going to follow up that conversation, why it's going to keep going. We then set a concrete follow-up, what specifically we are going to do. We set the expectation of how we are going to follow up, and then we depart on an upbeat note. So we're putting a pin in that conversation and letting them know that we are going to continue. So here's a quick example. I loved your take on AI models collaborating to build better output. it. I've got a podcast episode coming out this Thursday on virtual communication. Can I shoot it over to you for your thoughts? Great meeting you. Catch you soon.

15:19Now, what has that done? That is one, given an insight and appreciated them for that insight. Then talked about how I'm going to follow up with them in the future, what I'm sending their way. And I left on an upbeat note. I didn't wait for it to die. I didn't wait for anyone else to look at the exit. And here's the best part. Just a two-line recap in your notes after you close that conversation, meaning you're walking over to the next one, you jot down a couple things, podcast episode Thursday to Tim about AI. Guess what? Science shows that makes you 25 % more likely to remember those details.

15:57And that is key for follow-up because conversations are great, but business happens in the follow-up. And if you can master your follow-up and follow through on everything that you've promised at these events, you're going to set yourself apart. All right. So here's the practice plan. This is called the parking lot prep. I want you as you pull up and you're parking your car, you're sitting in the Uber on the ride over to that event. I want you to pull out your phone. Think about who it is that you're looking to meet and the value that they're coming in with. If you can recognize it before the event by looking at their LinkedIn social media, doing a little bit of research on that person.

16:35We want to recognize the value they're coming in with so that we can pair up our value recognition before the event. Makes it a lot easier, as Johnny said, when it's on the tip of your tongue. And then we want to pre-write that exit bridge. How are you going to exit that conversation? If you have that one great conversation with that one person you've been really excited to beat, how are you going to end it? Map that out and you are prepared and ready to go. And remember, you jot down quick notes, you're 25 % more likely to recall details after the event, which sets you apart. So once this week, we'd love for you to run this loop.

17:13Coffee meetup, PTA mixer, chamber of commerce, breakfast, anything. Run the loop. How do you strike up that conversation? How do you do the value exchange and how you exit it? And send us a DM. We want to hear from you, whether it worked or was a hilarious flop. We're excited to see how you're enjoying these social intelligence briefs each and every week. All right. Now, if you've been loving these social intelligence briefs and you want to learn more and you want to get into our implementation sessions of practice with us, well, head on over to theartofcharm.com slash intel. And there you're going to find everything that you need.

17:48And AJ and I would love to be working with you and see you inside.

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