Never Be Overlooked Again [Social Intelligence Brief]

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1:13You might even avoid eye contact, stumble through small talk and later wonder, did I totally blow that? We all know that first impressions matter and you only have a few seconds to make one. And that first moment sticks for better or for worse. But today, we're breaking down how to take control of that moment and leave the impression you want. Let's dive in.

1:42Now, here's the harsh truth. People decide who you are before you even open your mouth. Today, we're talking exactly.

1:52Now, here's the harsh truth. truth people decide who you are before you even open your mouth and today we're breaking down exactly what they're looking for and how you can win them over in those first five minutes AJ we've talked on this show how it can take up to six to ten interactions to avoid a bad first impression so I suggest that you all start taking some notes on this episode so we can avoid a whole embarrassing moment. Exactly. Those first impressions are indelible. So it's important to nail them right out of the gate. And there's some key science we want to cover here first. Now, this is a study that you've probably heard us reference numerous times on the show, but essentially over 55 % of your first impression is based on your body language.

2:43And actual thin slice research by Dr. Amadi shares that people make accurate judgments in as little as six seconds from these nonverbal cues. So what you're doing with your body language matters. Think about that. Someone can gauge your confidence, your competence, and even your trustworthiness in just a few seconds. That's why nailing these four components of a first impression are so important. So in short, your body language speaks louder than your words ever could. Let's unpack what's going on behind the scenes here and give you the four components of a high value first impression. Now, the first we want to talk about is static.

3:25That's what you bring with you, meaning that's your physical health and appearance. So yes, it matters. In fact, studies have shown that individuals with a healthy appearance are often perceived as more competent and trustworthy. So yes, hitting the gym and watching what you eat impacts that first impression. How you perceive your own attractiveness can also influence your self-esteem and consequently how others perceive you. So we want to do everything we can not only to look good for others, but for ourselves, because that improves our confidence in these key situations. So we're talking health, energy, vitality.

4:01People are reading your physical baseline unconsciously, whether you like it or not. And we can fix it by amping up our workouts, by looking at what we put in our body with our nutrition and making sure that we're getting enough sleep. Now, here's one of my favorite pro tips that we share with all of our clients. If you got that first date coming up, that big networking event, or you're even getting on stage to give a great presentation, do a workout before the event. Get the endorphins flowing. Get yourself in your body feeling good. Even if it's just air squats and a set of pushups before you head out, you're going to find that that jacks up your static so your confidence is sky high so you can set the tone with a great first impression.

4:45That's right. They don't call it a glow up for nothing. A fit body signals discipline, health, and high status, even if no one says it out loud. And you have to understand that everyone else in that room, they have interests. They have goals. They have lives that are important and meaning in certain areas. And so they're going to recognize those things when they see it in other people. So those folks who are at the gym all day, they recognize the other people who are at the gym every day. And with that comes everything else, what you're putting in your body, what time you're going to bed. Your body language says more about you than you ever could.

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7:49And as we talked about earlier, that is your nonverbal communication. Body language. Open and relaxed postures are associated with confidence and approachability. Facial expressions, a genuine smile can draw people in on that first impression and make sure that they feel warm and welcome when they see you. So what are we looking at here? We're looking at opening up our body language. We don't want our arms crossed. We don't want to be making ourselves smaller. We want to be making eye contact with people. We want to be making sure that everyone is aware that we're connected and we're enjoying ourselves with a great smile as well.

8:23And we have a great drill for this that we teach all of our X Factor Accelerator members. It's called the doorway drill. Every single time you enter a room, you are making a first impression. When those eyes are on you and people are seeing you for the first time, that snap judgment is happening. So the simplest way to fix your dynamic is to focus in on what it looks like when you enter the room. So every time you go through a door, we want you to Stand up tall, roll your arms and shoulders back so your arms are open, and put a smile on your face as you walk through that door. That key moment is pivotal for setting the tone of a great first impression.

9:03And once you get used to using this quick cue and recognizing the impact of entering doors, you can practice this at home. It just becomes something that you're doing unconsciously. Right, Johnny? Yes. And at the beginning of the show, AJ had painted a picture. And for some of you, you probably started to sweat. Maybe you got a little bit nervous as AJ was talking about being hyper aware of yourself and second guessing everything that is going on. What happens in this state is you go into your head, your body language shrinks. And so we have to combat that by using the doorway drill to create new muscle memory.

9:45It's hard for us to see what our body does when we're nervous. We don't put a mirror in front of us when we have a lot of anxiety going on. So this is why it's important to program ourselves before walking into any social environment that we do our body check and we go in confident. Now let's talk about the third factor, the third level of our first impression, and that's what we call presentation. It's how you show up visually. So again, people are noticing when we enter that room. Now, what are you wearing? How are you grooming yourself? How are you taking care of yourself and presenting yourself in that room?

10:25That's exactly what we're talking about here. And there's a concept in science called enclosed cognition, meaning the clothes you wear can influence your psychological processes and how others perceive you. So wearing a tuxedo, you're gonna be presenting yourself in a much different way. You're also going to be feeling a lot different about yourself than wearing your gym shorts. So recognizing the impact that your clothing has on you is a key to nailing that first impression. So we want to make sure that we are dressing appropriately for the context. We're not asking you to wear a tuxedo to go hang out with your boys, but we're telling you that recognize what you put on your body and the signals it sends has a direct line impact on that first impression.

11:08So style, what are you saying with your style? And we like to think of style as a way to show off our personality. So if I showed up in an event wearing a Burton t-shirt, you can make a lot of assumptions about my personality into snowboarding, doing adventurous things, probably like to travel like winter mountainous type things. That is a simple signal that I'm sending just by one piece of clothing. So when you think about your first impression, you think about your style, we want it to show off your personality. Now, if you're watching this on YouTube, you could probably see the difference in Johnny and I and the way that we approach style.

11:42We let our personality show with the clothes that we wear. And the science says symmetry and cleanliness are evolutionary signals of health and mate value. So we want to make sure that obviously we're doing everything we can to be symmetrical and to be clean to let others know that we are worthy of mating with. So if you're looking at this in a dating context, this matters. What you're wearing says a lot about that first impression. Yeah. And you don't need expensive clothes. You need fitted clothes. Because we want you to be comfortable. And as AJ mentioned, what you wear influences your body language.

12:22So you want to be wearing the clothes that allow you to feel the most confident, but also looking your best because you're going to be judged on it. Now, let's talk about the fourth factor that you probably haven't even thought of, but we've seen this play a direct role in our clients when we go out with them on field nights. And that is incidental. It's where and how you meet people. So who you're standing with, who you surround yourself with and where you stand while you're out has a direct impact on that first depression. And I remember when I was trying to break into the scene as an introvert, lacking in some confidence, I found myself in a lot of social settings wallflowering, hanging back along the wall, kind of in the shadows, not really making eye contact with people.

13:08And of course, I was not making a great first impression because no one could even see me. I was essentially invisible. When you recognize that who you surround yourself with draws people in. So if everyone's having a great time around you, eyes are naturally going to be on you. And if you stand in a high traffic, highly visible area at the event, more people are going to be able to make a first impression of you. So recognizing that these incidental factors go a long way towards nailing that first impression, we're going to want to occupy some space where we can be seen. And we're going to run and surround ourselves with people who are also having a great time so we can have that ripple effect with our first impression.

13:46You want to be where the action is, center of the room, engaged and visible. And of course, create that social proof by having great people hanging out around you. All right. So here's your five minute upgrade challenge. Before your next event, do these four things. Number one, lift heavy or walk outside for 20 minutes. Get the blood flowing. Again, using our body to influence our mind and getting our mind to influence our body. Getting those good chemicals flowing. Number two, run your doorway drill at home. Shoulders back, relax, smile. Here's a quick little thing. For those of you who forget about the doorway drill or want to program the doorway drill into you so that you always do it and never have to think about it, stick a visual cue, maybe a pink or orange post-it note.

14:44on every door frame in your house and in your office as a reminder to do that doorway drill as the visual cue. You see that pink post-it note and it's stand up tall, shoulders back, relax, smile, walk on through. You put those all around your house within a few weeks, you will do that through every door. Number three, pick an outfit that fits great. Again, you don't have to wear the most expensive thing. We want it to be intentional, right? We want to feel great. We want to look great. And four, plant yourself where people can see you and hold that confident posture that you know you can. This week, practice walking into rooms like you own them.

15:35You want feedback from guys leveling up just like you? Join our live coaching calls inside the X Factor Accelerator. We don't just teach social skills. We drill them together live. Head over to unlockyourxfactor.com to apply and get personalized coaching on your first impressions, connection, and influence. Go out there and own the room this week.

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