Stop Trying to Be Liked — Start Being Chased | Social Intelligence Briefing

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1:47Or even tea time, tea time, tea time you. Mmm. So update on Dave. It's up to you. We'll take the laundry. Rinse. It's time to be great. Let's talk about that thought you keep to yourself. The one that hits at like 1 a.m. The one that goes, what if people don't like me? Not my work. Me. And here's what we want to flip for you today. It's not that people don't like you. It's that they've only met the guarded, filtered, overthinking version of you.

2:24Today, we're breaking down the X Factor OS, three layers that finally reveal the version of you your closest friends already know. So let's kick it off with some science. Studies show that your brain hides your natural personality when social uncertainty is high. You shift into self-protection and lose your authenticity. But when you create curiosity strategically, the brain actually opens up. People feel more drawn to you. So this episode isn't about becoming someone new. It's about removing the OS that has been muffling who you actually are. Let's talk about these three layers to our X-Factor operating system, and you're going to see how they play off of each other and how important they are.

3:05And we're also going to share some belief shifts for you that are going to make you more impactful in all of your communication. Now, you've been told your whole life probably to open up more, share. But oversharing is actually the fastest way to kill curiosity. Think about the people you're drawn to. They don't explain themselves. They drop one interesting line and pause. Why? Because your brain hates the open loop. And we've talked about this before with a few guests as well. Here's the actual framework. We want to micro reveal something about ourselves, pause, but we want to lean into strategic withholding.

3:42So you give 80 % of the answer and keep 20 % back. Let's talk about an example. Maybe you've been asked, what do you do? And you say, oh, I'm in software, mid-market clients, been there for seven years. Obviously, we've given away all curiosity and intrigue with that answer. What if we tried this? I help companies stop slowly falling apart. If they're sharp, they'll lean in. They'll ask. And if they don't, great. You just saved energy. because people don't like you more when you say more. They like you more when they have to work to get more from you. And I know we see this time and time again with our clients.

4:22When you get stuck in your head, you feel like you almost have to over explain yourself to showcase all of you to other people. And in actuality, that kills all of their intrigue and curiosity in you. And this is something that we've talked about in the X Factor where I have multiple versions of every story. I have the full story, and then I have the 80 % story, and then I got the 30 % story that I just need to fill some space with people. When you're new to a room, you want people to chase your disclosure. Give them something that keeps you mysterious. And we all chase that mystery and intrigue.

5:09Now, once we've created it, we actually have to read curiosity, not approval. So in the past, you may have actually felt yourself being approval-seeking in your oversharing, sharing so much about yourself, trying to win the other person over, talk about accolades, accomplishments, things that you've achieved in hopes of the other person liking you more. But here's the mistake that overly analytical minds make. You look for signs that people like you. It's the wrong signal. The real signal is, are they investing in you? Signs like follow-up questions, leaning in, reopening something that you partially revealed, subtle topic pursuit.

5:49When you start paying attention to these signals, everything becomes a lot easier. We're no longer worried about how we're presenting ourselves or what is the right thing to say. Instead, we're shifting the focus outward which only draws even more of their attention. Once you focus on investment signals, everything shifts. You stop trying to win people over and you start noticing who's earning that next layer. And this is where Elon, one of our clients, had his huge breakthrough. It almost felt like a cheat code, Elon wrote. Like, I'm not supposed to be knowing this stuff. The insight into human nature has been absolutely fascinating and it's fun.

6:29I now approach situations with knowledge and confidence instead of fear. and it turns out the fear was never real. Exactly. When we're afraid that people don't like us and we play from that fear, we actually remove all opportunity for the other person to chase us. You've actually never been bad at reading people. You've just never been taught what to look for. That's the most important part, right? It's flipping the perspective on the signals. And that's why our overly analytical clients get so much success with us because we're not saying don't be analytical. We're just saying, hey, let's focus on the right things that are actually gonna move things forward, that are gonna make you more charismatic and interesting.

7:10And that really comes down to the third piece, which we love happens in our clients. And that's that identity replacement where intrigue and signal processing stack together, something big shifts internally. Your monologue of yourself actually updates from, man, I hope this goes well, or please don't be awkward, to let's see who earns more of me. Let's see who chases me. That's the operator mindset, not arrogance, not detachment, just clean, calm confidence. And that's what Elon was hinting at with his I feel like it's a cheat code. Because once you shift that focus and you're no longer self-centered and concerned about yourself, that confidence comes roaring through.

7:53When the OS shifts, you stop being the invisible expert and start being the person people gravitate towards. Your fear was never people won't like me. It was, I don't know how to show them the real me. Well, now you do. And when you get good at revealing the real you, that authentic version of yourself, you naturally become more likable and people want to spend more time with you. So how do we get there? First off, we want to 80-20 our responses. Give enough to hook their interest, but not enough to kill their curiosity. Hold back that 20 % with all of your sharing. The second point is just slow down.

8:32People will naturally rush, especially when they're nervous. But one beat of silence amplifies that intrigue from other people. Follow the signal, not the script. If they chase the detail you withheld, reward it. That's my favorite part, right? We are rewarding their interest. They are earning our details. Identity calibration, right? Before any question, who earns more of me today? When you start to recognize that withholding and earning are your superpower, people will naturally gravitate to you and want more of you. That's how you actually get people to chase you. We love for you to start in low stakes situations.

9:20Practice intrigue on that barista, your coworkers or your neighbors so you save the heavy reps for later when you actually have gotten the hang of it. But once you recognize how impactful it is to be more intriguing by withholding, be strategic in recognizing curiosity and shifting your fear into power, the whole game opens up. So try this exact sequence in your next conversation. So number one, answer something with the 80 % reveal. wait one beat, watch for a curiosity signal. If they chase, give another 10%. And if they don't, pivot or move on. And you'll notice the shift immediately. When people start chasing you, those doubts and fears and anxiety around people liking you or people being interested in you completely disappear.

10:13You have to think of it in a way of if you tell everybody your full story, then they check off the box. I know this person. There's nothing left to gain. There's no interest there. There's nothing for me to chase. This is psychological. We don't think about these things at a conscious level. It's how we're programmed. We're herd animals. We want to know about the people around us. And if we don't have the information that we need, we chase it. Now in the X Factor Accelerator, we actually help analytical professionals like yourself install this exact OS fully. Intrigue, signal decoding, identity, presence, the entire system.

10:56If this episode resonated, it's because you felt this mismatch. Brilliant internally, muted externally for years. And how do we do that, Johnny? With coaching reps and tools that make this automatic in real life, not just on the podcast. Now, if you're ready to stop being the most interesting person that nobody actually gets to know, Join us at unlockyourxfactor.com and apply today.

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