Supercharge Your Charisma [Social Intelligence Brief]

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1:19Now, if you've ever felt invisible, passed over, or not paid attention to, most likely you're missing that charisma. And charisma is the key that opens doors. What you do inside of those rooms, that's down to influence and persuasion. But today we're going to give you three traits that are going to amp up your charisma. We have to think of charisma as the thing that is the amplifier. It gets you the attention that you deserve and then it allows you to amplify your signal. And this is what's fun. And a lot of people don't see it that way and they write it off. but it is an incredibly important part to your character.

2:01And charisma beats competence. We've seen it time and time again. The smartest person in the room often gets overlooked, while someone with half the experience or intellect commands the room. And it's not just frustrating, it's actually scientific. Harvard research found that 85 % of leadership success comes from social intelligence, not technical ability. So what does that mean? Charisma is the delivery system of that intelligence. You can be the smartest person in the room, but when you lack charisma, you're not memorable and people just aren't paying attention. This is why we're teaching it today, right?

2:36We want to talk about it because it is what you do in the room to get that attention. And are people interested in you? Do they trust you? Do they want to hear what you have to say? Your knowledge means absolutely nothing if you haven't hit those triggers. And so what we're going to do today is to show you how charisma lights up that room so that you can sell your ideas and yourself. And the biggest myth is that some people have it and some people don't. I know growing up as an introvert in a very introverted family, I looked at other people who were more charismatic and I wanted to be them, but I thought they were just blessed with that gift.

3:14I didn't realize that it was something that I could actually train in a skill set that I could build until we started this podcast almost 20 years ago. And the science is very clear. Our brains literally sync up with people who express authentic emotion and attentiveness. Meaning when you're charismatic, you're sending the right signal that makes people want to tune in. They want to hear more, lean in and get to know you. And that synchronicity is actually coordinated movement. Even walking increases bonding hormones like endorphins. And we see this with our military clients. That's why they have them do drills together.

3:50because when you sync up with people, you naturally feel more connected with them. The bottom line is magnetic people don't just talk differently. They show up differently biologically. I had always considered myself a charismatic person. In fact, I mean, I had a job as a bartender. They don't give those jobs, very social jobs to people who aren't. But this is what is amazing about this stuff. even if you find yourself as a charismatic person i know most of you who listen to this probably do by adding social intelligence to charisma having a working understanding of it this takes you from good to great you're not and you're not fishing around in the dark hoping hey i hope my charismatic self shines through the day you're now being incredibly strategic and efficient with it.

4:48And this is what the other thing about social intelligence for the introverts out there who think about having to go in a room and draining out their social battery. When you understand social intelligence, being strategic and efficient allows you to do what you need to do, get out of there and go home and not worry about it. Exactly. And that's the best part about mastering these three traits, because once you do, it amplifies everything. Now, the first trait that charismatic people have is they are present. They are in the moment. And we know you're busy. Your phone is popping with notifications.

5:23Your to-do list is never ending. You're thinking about what's gonna happen next. What's this person gonna say? What should I say? But all of that actually kills your charisma. To be charismatic is to be present in the moment. Put that spotlight on the other person, not thinking about what's going on in your own head, but actually what other people are sharing with you. The more immersed you are in the conversation, the more present you are, the more charismatic you are naturally. And I was just talking to an executive coaching client this morning based in London, huge hedge fund manager. And I asked him about an event in Berlin that he went to where he said he really felt charismatic.

5:58We've worked on a number of these things. I asked him, what was it that allowed you to feel so charismatic in the moment? And he said, you know, what's really interesting is I was just present. In the past, I would cram before these big conferences and I'd review all of our investment materials and I want to know the numbers inside and out and I want to get the minor details right. But what I realized is all of that took me out of the moment. And in these events, in these opportunities that we have to communicate, they don't care about the numbers. That's later. They want me to be present. And when I was present, I felt more charismatic.

6:30Again, this goes with the research that we've been working with for years. It's funny because I just did a TikTok video short form this morning on it. Harvard studies have shown that it's not the person with the most knowledge who is the most persuasive in the room. It's the charismatic factor. It wins every time. As the weather finally cools down, I'm swapping in the pieces that actually get the job done. Warm, durable, and built to last. And Quince delivers every time. Quince has all the false staples you actually want to wear on repeat, like 100 % Mongolian cashmere sweater starting at just$60, classic fit denim, and real leather and wool outerwear that looks sharp and holds up.

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9:03Exactly. And here's the thing. It sounds small. Presence sounds really small. I get it, guys. But actually, these small things are the difference between landing that hundred million dollar investment or that investment going to another fund. And that's why our executive coaches understand it's the small things that have a big impact. So what does that mean? Ditch your phone in social settings. Don't be pulling your phone out of your pocket, checking it religiously when you're feeling nervous, when you don't know what to do. Leave that phone at home. Leave that phone on silent. And let's not think about what's going to happen after the event or what happened before the event or what's on your to-do list.

9:38Every conversation is an opportunity for you to be in the moment. And the more in the moment you are, naturally, the more charismatic you are. So how do we showcase this in conversation? Quite simply, micro pauses. Pause after you say something. Pause before you jump in to reply to something. Those pauses allow you to slow down and actually be present in the moment instead of speeding up and taking yourself outside of the moment and in your head. You know, that's two points that people should be writing down, right? One is take the focus off yourself, get out of your own head and focus it on others.

10:14Most important part there is your focus is going to dictate what you're feeling. So if you're focused on how you're feeling, wrong place, right? So you focus that elsewhere. You focus on the other folks in the place. And then the second piece of slowing down, you're responsible for that. So take a breath, calm down, and keep your focus on the room, how things are going, how everybody else is, and it'll all come together. Now let's talk about the second trait, because we all know those people in our life who tend to be a little negative, tend to be a little bit critical, tend to be the people you probably don't want to spend that much time with.

10:55What charismatic people understand is that enthusiasm rules the day. It's infectious. When you bring enthusiasm to the conversation, to the moment, other people around you naturally are pulled in and gravitate towards it. Enthusiasm is emotional generosity. It tells people, I enjoy life and I actually might enjoy you too. And if we use that in moments where we're meeting people, where we're interacting in conversation, that enthusiasm is going to make us memorable. We all know how we feel after hanging out with someone who's a Debbie Downer, who doesn't bring that enthusiasm. And you're wondering, why am I spending time with this person?

11:35Well, if we bring enthusiasm to the interaction, you're going to leave that interaction with that person wanting more. Yeah. And the best way to go about this is what is the room's energy and take it up 10 to 15 % from there. So now you're adding to it. And this shows approval for what's already going on and that you're excited to be there, which hypes it up. And that's the natural response that should happen there. And the research shows that positivity actually widens your influence circle and makes you appear more competent under pressure. So don't sweat the small stuff. Showcasing that emotional generosity, cluing in on the positive emotions in conversation, it's going to make you seem and appear more enthusiastic.

12:22And best part is you don't have to use words. You can smile just by adding that brief moment of a smile in an interaction to allow the other person to feel you enjoying the moment. That is enthusiasm. And that is what stands out. And in our training, we teach our high performers to ask not what do you do, but what do you love about what you do? What do you love about your job? Just think about that subtle shift from talking about, oh, trudging through work, to-do list, things I have going on to the moments that really matter. The moments for me and our work are coaching high performers to get that potential out of them.

12:58That's what I love. Do I love the day-to-day, the email, the contracts and all that? No. But if you ask those questions of people and you focus on the positive emotions, you're showcasing enthusiasm and you're becoming more charismatic. AJ, I want to talk about the worst case scenario of smiling too much because everyone's asking that right now, right? Well, I don't want to smile too much. The worst that's going to come out of that is you're going to be remembered as this smiley guy. That's an amazing thing. That means that you are memorable. You stuck out of having great energy. That's the person that everyone wants to meet.

13:35That's the person that people want to go have a drink with afterwards, who they want to go spend more time with. So this, hey, if that's the worst that can happen from smiling, fantastic. So the first two traits we talked about are very in the moment. It's you recognizing that if I'm present, fully engaged, and if I bring some positive emotion and I'm emotionally generous in conversation, people are going to love me. This third trait, confidence, this takes some time to build. And it's one of the main reasons that people join our X Factor Accelerators to build their social confidence. But confidence isn't about dominating the room.

14:12It's about anchoring it. And it starts before you speak. In fact, Amy Cuddy's research shows that the power posture changes your hormonal state, not just perception. And guess what? When you have that great posture, when you have that confident appearance, people naturally assume you are confident. So one of the first things that we do with all of our clients is we teach them simple rule. Body leads the mind. We think that if we control our thoughts and emotions that all of a sudden we're going to wrestle them and we're going to come out of it confident. But actually, if you showcase confident body language, if you have great posture and you're standing in those moments relaxed and comfortable, you're naturally showing the room that you're confident and you're going to stand out in a charismatic way.

14:58So confidence is really straightforward. It's being clear on who you are. It's being present and aware of what you're doing. And then it's having a strong future vision of who you want to become. Now, confidence is not built by being on the sidelines, avoiding things. In fact, confidence is built by putting yourself in the arena, challenging yourself. And if you do that physically, you do that mentally, you do that in your work, you're probably going to also show up confident socially. Absolutely. And I just want to add to that as well, that there's this term that everyone battles with and we hear it all the time.

15:34Fake it till you make it. In fact, we've talked about it a lot on the show. And certainly if you don't know what you're doing, that's probably the best bet for you. However, data shows that people can pick up on performed confidence very easily within 30 seconds. However, what they can't pick up on is you doing things that confident people do. So if you're doing things that confident people do, you will be perceived as confident. This is why in our programs and with our one-on-one clients, we discussed in-depth detailed strategies of how these things play out. The cues that you need to be seeing that you know that not only are you effective, but things are moving in your direction.

16:28and having those strategies and those tactics allows you to walk in incredibly confident, beaming, and just think about it. So now we're going to be present. We're going to focus on the other person. We're going to bring in enthusiasm by smiling. Guess who else smiles? Very confident people because they're very comfortable wherever they go. And then thirdly, we got your posture straightened out and you are attending to other people. Confident people are not beating their chest in the room talking about themselves. Confident people are seeing how others are. They're giving value into the room. That's your job.

17:13So here's a quick 60 second mental primer that's going to allow you to feel more confident in these interactions. Ask yourself, Who do I want to be and how do I want them to feel? Just a little self-reflection on who you want to be and how you want them to feel is going to naturally make you appear more confident in these moments. And I love giving that exercise to clients who have big presentations, pitches, events coming up, because it also resets them mentally again to go back to that first trait, which is to be more present. In fact, one client rewired their pre-pitch nerves by repeating this very simple mantra.

17:52I'm here to shift their thinking, not get their permission. How much of your time is spent trying to get other people to like you, trying to get other people to buy your stuff, trying to get other people to buy you? If you can just shift your thinking and get the other person to shift their thinking instead of ask for permission, how much stronger would your confidence be? And one of the things we've also talked about on the show to go along with all of this is what persuasion is. and it's your ability to win the room over before you have to do what you need to do. And how do you do that? Well, the charisma is the delivery system.

18:29That's the persuasion. That's what we're doing. The more charismatic you are, the easier it is for you to win that room. Then you know what? You're not even selling your ideas anymore. They're taking them from you. So here's your challenge this week. We want you to go out and socialize while keeping your phone in your pocket. I want you to commit to being fully present during the entire event. That phone should not be out once. We want you to match and add to their energy. Smile 10 to 15 % more than everyone you're interacting with. And ask yourself, who do I want to be and how do I want them to feel before you go to that event this week?

19:07This challenge is going to naturally amplify your charisma and make you stand out for the right reasons. Now, if you want to make this your baseline, not just a one-time flex, join us inside the X-Factor Accelerator. The X-Factor implementation sessions are such a blast. And we're not teaching hacks, right? We're talking and teaching world-world influence. Exactly. So charisma becomes effortless, repeatable, and even scalable. Apply now at unlockyourxfactor.com. will help you build a presence that opens doors and keeps them open.

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