The 90-Second Bonding Loop | Social Intel Brief

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0:42Use Indeed's sponsored jobs to hire top talent fast. And even better, you only pay for results. There's no need to wait. Speed up your hiring with a$75 sponsored job credit at Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Ever had a five-minute conversation that felt like you'd known that person for years? That's not luck. It's actually a loop. And today, we're going to give you the exact 90-second sequence to create that feeling on command. And the best part, it works everywhere. Work, dates, teams, your neighbors. We're going to share exactly how to turn a chat into a memorable connection.

1:30Here's the problem. High performers often get stuck at polite. You bring substance, but momentum dies because you miss the tiny moment that matters. That's called the bid. A bid is a little reach for connection, a throwaway comment, a tone shift, a glance. If you catch and validate it, you create instant trust. Now we're gonna show you how to stack bids, validation, and cooperative value into one loop that you can run in under 90 seconds. I think for most people, they're looking for big signs pointing directly to what the bid is. And first of all, just understand that people drop identity markers in every conversation, every 30 to 60 seconds.

2:14If you understand that every conversation is dropping those bids, you're going to train yourself to hear them. My client, Dane, had a dinner. He was out and he was telling me that he was a bit nervous. It was some of his boss's clients that he was asked to go, and he didn't say much at dinner. And he wanted to get his ear trained to hear them. And we had this discussion, and I showed him just how subtle these bids could be. But that was all it took for him to go, oh, that's the bid? That's pointing that out? Absolutely. So the next time that they went out, he couldn't stop talking. And he, in fact, he said, I heard more than I heard in that conversation than probably any dinner I had ever been out to.

3:04And that's the best part. People send emotional bids constantly. These requests for attention or interest. Turning towards bids builds a bond and ignoring them, unfortunately, erodes them. Now, validation, our next step, isn't agreement. It's making their feeling or emotion make sense. Given X, Y, and Z, that tracks. And what this does is it lowers the threat and opens the door to more connection. Now, we're actually gonna keep this in rhythm by using our conversation formula, question, answer, statement, so it feels natural and not interviewy. And if you create this loop on demand, And you will find that the tenor of that conversation and that person's desire to get to know you changes immediately.

3:52And we're looking for energy shifts. And those energy shifts are slight, right? People's pace, it starts to speed up. Maybe it's a sigh before they speak. Volume dropping. Their eyes widening. Their cheeks flushing. These are important moments to watch for. And they're happening constantly. So the first thing we're going to do is we're going to spot the bid. The second thing we're going to do is we're going to validate their emotion behind that bid. The third thing we're going to do is we're going to shift from a me and you dynamic to a we dynamic. And the last thing we're going to do is a micro step.

4:31We're going to create one tiny specific action within the next 72 hours that you can do to solidify the connection. You follow this loop and you're going to find connection happens effortlessly. And we want to emphasize small, soon, and specific. And if it takes 15 minutes, it's not micro. And another thing to think about, if you're thinking large, you're making it more difficult for yourself to take action and you're making it difficult for other people to take action. We always talk about the five-minute favor. That's a good place to start. Firing off an email, sending out some resources. That's all you need to do.

5:17Now, we do these drills and exercises inside our X-Factor Accelerator, so this becomes natural, much like Dane. But let's walk through some scenarios that you might have encountered where you missed a bid, or if you had this connection loop, you would have found conversation was a lot smoother. So the first one is, let's talk about a new acquaintance. You're out at an event, you meet someone, and they say, I moved here last month. I'm still finding my people. Now that's a bid, right? There's a lot of emotion behind that. Obviously a big change in their life, looking for connection. Now here's what we do with that.

5:52We're gonna validate. First thing you're gonna say is, of course, a new city scrambles your rhythm. So you're validating that emotion of they're a little disoriented, they're trying to get their footing underneath them, and they're actually looking to meet new people. That validation is key. Now, the second thing we're gonna do is we're gonna create that we opportunity. We do a first Friday crew for exactly that. So this is an opportunity where you're getting people to gather the first Friday of every month and now you are creating connection by welcoming this new person in to your first Friday crew.

6:25The micro step is then soliciting a bit more information. Hey, drop me your Instagram and I'll add you for this Friday. It's a very low-key event. Now, what we just did there, we saw the queue and conversation that they had moved to a new town. They're a little scrambled. They're looking to meet people. And we acted on it in a meaningful way. We validated their emotion. We created a we moment where we didn't talk about them. We didn't talk about ourselves, but we solicited an opportunity for us to do something to support them. And we then made it actionable. A small step that we could take, a five-minute favor as Johnny shared, closes the loop and creates that opportunity for connection.

7:04So you have everything that you need to validate. And I think that's where people get confused. Once you catch the bid, you're like, great, there it is. But what do I say? Think of it this way. Your stories, perspectives, experiences, anecdotes, and humor all validate the bid. Pick one. relate to the person that you've been in that situation before you moved to a new city or share a perspective about what you might think it would be like to have an opportunity to reinvent yourself or throw an anecdote about being the new person in a new town and trying to make your way around and getting lost and everything that comes with being the new guy.

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10:23And you can see in that moment of meeting a new acquaintance, how fast you drop into a connection with an opportunity to hang out later that week. Now let's talk about a client sales call. Maybe you've been in a scenario like this. The client says, perspective client says, man, our churn spikes at month three, right? So that's a bid. Something's going on that's pretty stressful around month three for their clients. Now we validate that by saying it makes sense that you're frustrated. Onboarding friction always kills trust. We're validating that there's some friction going on. There's frustration behind that friction.

10:59Thankfully for us on a sales call, we might have an opportunity here to help them. So the we bridge is we both win when retention climbs. So I didn't say you win. I didn't say I win, but I said we, and that we is really powerful. Now the micro step that we're going to offer is, Hey, let's map out the first 14 days, 10 minutes right now. We can walk through some milestones for you. So what we're doing is we're time boxing it and we're make it very specific and action that we can both agree to in the moment moves the relationship, moves the conversation forward. And that collaboration equals connection.

11:38But also, it's an opportunity to influence and lead. If it's a sales call, you want to get their attention, you want to connect, and then show them what can be done with some collaboration, influencing them to take action. And making that action an easy yes. That's the best part. Throw me your Instagram. I'll shoot you a DM. Or, hey, you got 10 minutes. Let's walk through this together. We're doing something that is powerful by making it a simple yes to move forward. Now, words here are doing the work, but it's also more than words. We're looking for those moments where there's emotion being shared.

12:27You are listening for, as Johnny said, a different speed, a sigh. Maybe it's one unusual detail or maybe it's just some pride sneaking in the conversation. Now, we want to validate that emotion. This is key. And if we miss this, it sounds like we're needy or we're trying to get something out of the other person. But if we validate it, they feel far more comfortable moving forward with that connection. Validation can look like that makes sense because anyone in your position would feel you've got every right to feel that was huge in the blank we're identifying their emotion and allowing them to feel fantastic for sharing that emotion with us and mirroring works really well here as well mirroring and summarization paraphrasing if i hear you correctly and please correct me if i'm wrong but this is what i'm hearing you're telling me do i have that right This allows that person to feel seen and heard.

13:32Again, this is building that bridge and making that person more comfortable with the we statements that come afterwards, start taking action, sparking action. And the we statements are really what solidifies the whole thing. So they've shared something important. We've recognized that importance by validating it. And now we're creating an opportunity and subconsciously we're sharing something that we would only do or only say if we already had a connection. We are assuming the relationship through a we. Oftentimes we will feel encouraged to speak about ourselves or we might want to dig with another follow-up question to get to know more about you or say you must be feeling you this, you that.

14:18But a slight shift in frame to we, we can, we should, we totally have to, that moment creates an indelible connection on the other person in conversation that stands out from all the other conversations they're having. So maybe it's we've both been in rooms where the goalposts have moved, but here's a play that's worked for us. Or maybe it's, well, we're chasing the same outcome. Here's how to cut through the noise. what we're saying with that we is really impactful here. And that's why it's an important part of the loop. And just one word of caution, keep the we to a sentence. Don't hijack the story or begin making grandiose plans because again, we're building a bridge in trust and it's got to be one step at a time.

15:12And the we statement just gets them moving along with you. You can see what happens and opens up after that, but we want to make sure that they trust us in each step moving forward. We're gaining compliance for the next move forward. And that next move forward, that micro step is key. Small, soon, and specific. Hey, how do you feel about a 15-minute deck review tomorrow. Let me send you the address to my favorite spot. What's your number? Two minutes after this session and I'll airdrop you the template. All of those are simple opportunities, actionable in the moment that allow the other person to say, yeah, I want that template or yeah, here's my phone number that solidify the connection from that interaction.

16:01And this is my favorite part, the no pressure out. So for myself, I will make the plans because once that person begins to trust you, they're looking to you to lead to the next step. Now, I don't have that person's schedule. I don't know how busy they are. So I will put up, hey, I am free at this time. However, I know that your schedule is packed. So if you want to move this to next week, feel free, let me know. But I've showed that we're moving this together, that we meant something to me and I'm moving it forward and they could follow along if they want. The date is set. It's all picked out.

16:46All they have to do is show up. And if there's any issues with that, they have room to move it. The ball's now in their court. And connection is not chemistry. It's choreography. You can see with these four steps how quickly you can create connection in your next conversation. But I wanna share just a couple common mistakes that we see clients make. Number one, fixing things too fast, skipping validation. Maybe you hear some frustration in that person moving to a new city and you immediately jump to, well, here's my favorite coffee spot. By skipping over the emotional validation, you aren't actually allowing the other person to feel seen and heard, which actually frays connection.

17:32The second mistake we see are vague asks. So they aren't time boxed. They don't really have a solid yes or no. There's no plan behind it. We should hang out sometime. Hey, throw me your number and I'll send you something, but you don't actually follow through. We want to make sure they're short, soon, and specific. The third mistake we see is performing versus relating. With that one sentence we, we really want to make sure that we're teeing up the invite to that opportunity. And we're not going over the top and starting to share things that maybe aren't even true about ourselves and our drive to relate or connect to the other person.

18:09And the last mistake that we see quite commonly is stacking a bunch of asks. So recognizing that we're asking too much out of that connection, then we try to find the next thing that maybe they will agree to. And all we're doing is we're fraying that connection. I want to equate this a little bit to the area of dating that the guys in our audience and the women in our audience are probably going to be quite familiar with. So for a lot of people and inexperienced people, when they make that connection, they feel great. The connection feels good. This is something that I want. The connection is there.

18:47They get excited. So it's easy to then start making these insane plans. We're going to do this. We're going to do that. We're going to do this, which makes the other person back off a little bit. I didn't sign up for this. This is moving way too quick. This happens in business. This happens in dating. This happens in friendships. And in the dating side of things, how many guys out there have thought things were going well, and then all of a sudden you find out you've been moved to the friend zone or the girl that you were seeing just went cold all of a sudden. This happened to me when I was younger because you get excited.

19:31This is why once you get the collaboration, it's one step at a time until both people are incredibly comfortable and you're making those we plans then together. But at first, if you are leading nice and slow, step by step. And that's the 90 second connection loop. Spot the bid, validate the emotion, create the WeBridge, and then add the micro step forward. 90 seconds is all it takes. And of course, small, soon and specific beats vague every time, whether it's social, dating or business. Now, if you want this loop to become automatic, take the influence index. You'll see exactly which link you're weakest on, whether it's spotting bids, validation, or micro asks.

20:23And if you really want to ramp things up, jump into our X-Factor Accelerator where we drill your lines live until people start turning toward you and accepting those micro offers. You'll leave with your 12 to go lines and a micro ask you can fire off in 10 seconds. Join today at unlockyourxfactor.com.

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