The Aura Effect: How to Make People Chase Your Vibe | Social Intel Brief

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0:42It's actually a set of behaviors and skills that we can master.

0:53Aura is a choice. Make people feel great around you, invite them into your passions and show up fully present and you have it. You do those three, people are gonna start drifting toward you. Friends, dates, everyone in your orbit. And AJ, I wanna set this up by the first thing to our max is you have to get people's attention. And if you're out and about, people are going to talk about you. And that attention comes from being present, putting yourself out there, being seen and heard, it also comes from social proof from others. And another place that I think makes people nervous is random publicity.

1:40But the fact is that all publicity is good publicity, even if it's negative. And here's why. Because that negative publicity piques the curiosity of other people. So then when you show up, their immediate thought is, I heard about this person. Are they as terrible as my friend said? Are they as nasty as so-and-so said? Now that you have their attention, you get to recreate your story of who you are in front of them. And that's what we're going to discuss today. That's Aura Maxing. And what do you do with that attention? The first pillar of actually having Aura is make people feel good around you.

2:24And I know it sounds simple, but so many of us are stuck on how we feel that we forget completely to focus on how other people feel around us. If people consistently feel lifted around you, they come back. That lift comes from three signals, celebration of others, validation of their emotions and support. In fact, the science is clear when someone shares good news and you respond with visible enthusiasm, plus a specific curious follow-up, what researchers call active constructive responding, the relationship quality and daily positive effect increase versus just flat acknowledgement or even worse topic changes.

3:09In fact, there's four studies from Gable, Reese, Empit and Asher showing strong intimacy and satisfaction when partners met good news with engaged responses. If you could layer in validation, meaning naming the feeling and why it makes sense to feel that way and autonomy support, how would you want to do this? It further boosts motivation and closeness and close ties, according to follow ups later done by the same group. Now, this is huge. When we recognize that how people feel around us adds to our aura, well, it makes things a lot easier. In fact, we found with all of our clients, when you start recognizing other people for their strengths, their wins, as we call giving them value, well, they're naturally attracted to you.

3:59They want more of you. In fact, they chase you. Things like saying, that's huge because, or wow, that makes sense you'd feel that way given these simple statements create opportunity for other people to feel lifted in your presence and they're gonna want more. I want to make sure that we separate two things here, and that is just being nice and being responsive. And this is where emotional intelligence comes into play because social skills make you nice. Emotional intelligence, that is what creates the aura, right? Because you're responding in a way that stirs them up. So what's the difference here?

4:43When somebody's celebrating something and you're like, oh, that's cool. That's you being nice. Right. But when you get excited for them, you're expressive and your excitement for them and then wanting to explore their excitement to allow them to be more vulnerable about what makes them excited. now you are elevating your aura. Now the bond strengthens that they have with you because you're now seen as somebody who gets them. Incredibly important. Hiring the right person with the right skills, that's what moves a business forward. If you want candidates who match what you're looking for, you need Indeed Sponsored Jobs.

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8:40That's shopify.com slash charm. Shopify.com slash charm. and i get it celebrating others can be easy but what about when they're struggling what about when they're frustrated what about when they've faced a setback you can make people feel good around you by supporting them on their mission letting them know you have their back letting them know you see the best in them letting them know that this is just a momentary setback on their chasing of their dreams. And again, you're going to make people feel good around you. That's how you develop your own aura. I always like to look at it in three easy steps, right?

9:23We're identifying the emotion that they have. Then we're going to validate it by a verbal statement or at least a visible confirmation and validation. And then that support that you're going to show, whether it's in their celebration or in their frustration with work, right? You're going to explore that leading them to the place that you want to take them, whether it is seeing the bigger picture of things and challenging how they might feel in the moment so they can see the light of it or just allowing them to celebrate even more. And that brings up the second pillar of developing your aura, that is inviting people into your passions.

10:12We've all heard be passionate and we know that passion can move mountains. But when you invite other people to experience your passion, you create aura. So stop just talking about your passions. Invite people into them. Hosting beats describing every single time. And in a 10-week intervention, couples assigned to novel, mildly exciting activities reported higher relationship satisfaction than couples assigned to pleasant but routine activities. Now, this is key. Doing something new together increases closeness more than talking about it. And if you add in a touch of synchrony, moving or acting in time, that affiliation creates a shared rhythm that strengthens your social attachment based on a study by Wilter Muth and Heath in 2009.

11:03So instead of just saying, oh, I love AI or, oh, I'm such a great cook, invite people over. In fact, cook together with them. Inviting people into your passions is one of the fastest ways to increase your aura. This question has been brought to me several days on social media. So there's a lot of people that are eager to get out there, to get things moving, to build the life that they're worth, that is worth fighting for, for them. They have big dreams and networking is going to help them get there. And what they run into are people who just run their mouth. But yet when it comes to the rubber meeting the road or action being taken, nothing happens.

11:47And they're upset because they've wasted so much time chatting with somebody who's not willing to take that next step or ready to dive in. So when you invite people into your passions, you're giving them the opportunity. The sooner you do that, the sooner you put them in a place to make a choice. And from that choice, you're going to find out real fast. Are you dealing with somebody who takes action? Are you dealing with somebody who wants to see you succeed? Are you dealing with somebody who has just as big as dreams as you do? And they are looking for a partner in crime. The sooner you can get them to that choice, the sooner you're going to find that out.

12:30And that's why hosting is so much better than lecturing because you will run into people who want to pontificate and hypothesize about things. As long as you are there in front of them, they'll have these conversations, get them to a point of choosing action and you'll find out. And then with that, we want to keep the action narrow. So narrow it down, make it incredibly easy. Here's the step that you can take. If you're an action taker like me, and then make it near on your calendar, give them the immovable object. I have dinner party going on and it's on this date. Are you in or are you out? And what I love about this is it's the power of the invite.

13:21Even if people don't want to join you in your passion, maybe they don't care about going to that AI event. Maybe they don't care about a home cooked meal. The thing that is key here is when you start the practice of inviting people into your life, they're naturally going to want to invite you into their life. And we've seen this time and time again with our clients that you might hear a no, you might hear I can't do that, you might hear that date doesn't work, but you'd be surprised how often that invite gets reciprocated by the other person being drawn to your aura. Now, the third and final pillar for us is be present.

13:59And I get it. This is incredibly hard in today's world. Notifications, phones, devices, screens, everything drawing our attention away from the moment. But the people with the most aura know exactly how to be present. Presence is the flex. Your attention is the rarest status signal in the room. When you put it on other people, you instantly create aura. And in fact, in two experiments, the mere presence of a mobile phone during conversation reduced perceived closeness, connection, and conversation quality amongst participants, even when the phone wasn't used. So think about that. Maybe putting your phone away or even better, leaving it home is one of the greatest ways that you can lean into your presence and create aura around others.

14:47AJ, I couldn't agree more. And right now we are dealing with rampant phone posture. Even if you don't have your phone out, if you have succumbed to phone posture, that's destroying any aura that you have built for yourself. So we've always talked about body checks as you walk in and out and through doorways. So stand up tall, put your shoulders down and back, your chin level with the ground and put on a genuine smile. If you're the one person that can do that in the room, you are already standing out. And of course, this is going to draw the attention and what you do with that attention and that window of opportunity is what's going to create that aura.

15:33And we've already given you those steps that you can take to start building that for yourself. Exactly. Make others feel incredible in your presence. Bring people into your passions. Don't just talk about them and focus on being presence. That's the real flex. People don't remember what you talked about. They remember how they felt with you and what they did with you. That's how you grow your aura.

16:16Thank you.