The Magnetic Entrance: Why Charisma Isn’t About Being Loud

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0:42That's why America's beverage companies are sharing more information about our ingredients at GoodToKnowFacts.org. No spin, no judgments, just the facts straight from the experts for more than 140 beverage ingredients. Visit GoodToKnowFacts.org. Most people think it takes seven seconds to make a first impression, but that's actually a myth. The reality, Princeton researchers found we form impressions in as little as a tenth of a second, faster than a blink. And here's the kicker. Body language drives those snap judgments more than anything you say, which means charisma doesn't start with words.

1:20It actually starts the moment you walk through the door.

1:31It's funny that you mentioned Blink because Malcolm Gladwell's book discusses this a bit. And I'm referring to the idea that we see certain things and we are flooded with thoughts about those things. Those thoughts that flood us are gained from years and years of experience of dealing, when it comes to this, with dealing with people. And that's why stereotypes, as much as a lot of people hate them or they could get in the way, they're also incredibly useful because it gives us a tool to navigate the social world. And what we want to talk about today is doing a couple of things that ignites curiosity and getting other people's attention so that we create a moment or window of opportunity for ourselves to really create impact.

2:32Because people don't remember a good conversation. Good conversation is accommodating. It fills space. Creating impact is magnetism. That's being memorable. The nice guy entrance versus the charismatic guy entrance is just one idea of how a few simple things gather attention, create interest, and gives you that window of opportunity. So when you walk into a room, the nice guy, he walks in. Nowadays, he just put his phone away. he probably still has remnants of what people call phone posture, which is now an epidemic of punched over folks staring at lifeless blue screens, illuminating our face.

3:31That's the nice guy entrance, right? Some remnants of phone posture. He walks in the room. He quickly ascertains where his friends are and makes his way over to that table, friends, or to the bar. Nothing exciting, nothing that's going to draw attention, nothing that's going to put you on people's radars. And here's the thing. Princeton researchers found that we form expressions in a little as a tenth of a second. So small movements and small actions can change that. So let's compare that to a charismatic entrance. And we're not doing anything incredibly different here, but we are taking time to do a few small things different.

4:15So number one, the entrance of any social gathering, social event, everyone looks at the door. Why? Because there's a lot of action at the door. People are coming in and out. You're seeing who's coming in. Maybe you're waiting on a friend. Maybe you're waiting for attractive people to come in. You're going to be glued to that door. So the charismatic guy, he gets to that door and he pauses for two to three seconds as he walks in. This signals composure. That moment in time of where that person stops also is a pattern interrupt. Hey, what's going on at the door? Why did that person stop? Now you're noticing that the second thing that that person is doing is scanning the room with curiosity.

5:10They're showing awareness and not being needy. Hey, I'm going to check out this place and see if there's anybody that I know or that I should head to first. I'm going to make an assessment of the place. here's the third part of the charismatic entrance so now that you walk in great posture posture shoulders down and back scanning the room you're gathering attention everyone's looking at you here's my favorite part so you make eye contact with a few random folks maybe a couple groups and here's the best part. You give a couple nods of acknowledgement. So random folks, you give them a head nod. Maybe you even give them a wave.

6:03Maybe you give them a wink. All of a sudden, this sparks curiosity. Everyone in the place is wondering who that person knows. Does that person know me or was they, I don't know that person. Maybe they're waving to the person behind me. But now, not only do you have everybody's attention, but you are drawing everyone's curiosity. People want to know more of what you have going on. And then lastly, you now make your move towards your group or table. But here's the best part. You broke the pattern of walking in the room. You assessed the room to see who's there. You made acknowledgement, some subtle nods.

6:48So you've communicated with several people there, people you know, people you don't know. It doesn't even matter. And then you move to your table. Micro pauses and deliberate stillness signal confidence and high status. So because of that attention and the actions, people are now curious. This must be somebody who's important. They are moving with high intention. Are they a manager? Are they a bouncer? Are they entertainment? Are they incredibly popular? They looked in my direction. Do I know this person? people notice you not because you try and stand out, but because you signal awareness, calm and controlled.

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10:05That's the beauty of this approach and it shifts everything. Now, here's why the pause works. Harvard research actually shows that deliberate stillness before action communicates authority and composure. Who are you going to be most interested in and who are you going to be most intrigued by? Anyone who has a position of authority, anyone who's composed in a social event. And when you rush, you leak anxiety. So that nice guy gal entrance of just futzing around quickly with your phone and trying to move through the door as fast as possible, that actually showcases discomfort to the room. So when you pause, you project control.

10:47And that's why people pause when giving orders. That's why CEOs pause before making decisions. In social settings, the same principle applies. The pause is powerful. So try this. Next time you walk into a room, just stop for two seconds at the door. Why be in such a rush? Shoulders back, breathe, scan with curiosity, then move. And you'll feel the difference instantly. Truly, you will feel it. And more importantly, so will everyone else. People instinctively track those who command space, right? So as we mentioned, those people are showing that they're assessing the room. They're showing status.

11:33People begin to get curious. And now every one of your interactions throughout the evening are going to be met with, I saw you come in. I was curious if I knew you. You looked my way and I think you're waving to a friend behind me. That curiosity that you created makes talking to strangers so much easier. It's one of my favorite things to do. And here's another anecdote to that. There is an actor, a 70s actor by the name of Steve McQueen. And I'm sure other actors have done this, but this is just the story that I know of. Before he was a main lead actor, his thing was he would always find something to do while on screen.

12:24Maybe it was drinking water. Maybe it was moving some books around. Maybe it would be a weird tick. But he had always tried to find something to do while they were filming. And what that did was that Gamera always found Steve because he was always doing something unique, intriguing. It drew the attention and curiosity of the other actors, the people filming, the director. And of course, that would get him more screen time. because not only did he know how to do that, but he made it work for himself. There was always a smile there, a wink there. And this made him in those moments more charismatic, getting more screen time.

13:13Now let's get real. This is the first layer of charisma. Getting noticed is great, but it's not enough. What are you noticing in conversation? That's what separates magnetic communicators. and we call it conversation radar because everyone you meet is broadcasting on two channels, words and frequency. Words are surface. Frequency is the identity markers, the real signal. And this is important. Now that you have everybody's attention, now that you have everybody's curiosity, what are you doing with it? You have this window of opportunity. And if those identity markers are responded to, you're creating moments, elevating conversation, leaving people think about you long after you leave the room.

14:02If you miss those markers, conversation is just that. It's surface level, it's boring, and worse, it's forgettable. Now, what are those identity markers? Research shows that people drop them, their little tells about who they are, what they value, what matters to them every 30 to 60 seconds in conversation. Now, the guys who pick up those markers, they're the ones that people remember well after that entrance. An example of these identity markers is somebody tells you that they're from Chicago. This isn't about information that there is so much to gain from understanding that he's from Chicago.

14:48How many pieces of identity are linked to that food, sports, business, city, rural, which part all of these make up who that person is. And when we acknowledge those things, they feel seen and heard. That's what elevates conversation. I'd love to share Derek's story, a recent client of ours, brilliant software engineer, but basically invisible at networking events. He thought just being smart was enough. Waiting for his moment to share himself would be charismatic enough to get people interested. And after learning about the conversation radar, he actually stopped trying to impress others by what he was saying and being smarter than everyone and started scanning.

15:37So at an event, if someone mentioned I'm from Austin, old Derek's cool. Austin, new Derek, what pulled you from Austin? So again, that is an opportunity for the person to share values, what their identity is about, who they are as a person, what caused that move from Austin. Now, this actually unlocked a 10 minute talk about Greer family and Austin barbecue. And he wasn't showing off. They weren't talking just facts. They were actually talking about their love of food and what was motivating them and their family. So here's the difference. When you stop focusing on what you're saying and you start tuning in to the frequency, what are those identity markers that others are sharing?

16:22As we talked about in our conversation radar, you become unforgettable. And that's a mistake that most guys make. They focus on being noticed like Derek, being the smartest person in the room, not what to do once they are noticed. And that's a mistake most guys make, like Derek. They focus on what they're saying to be the smartest in the room instead of focusing on the identity markers that others are sharing. Now, you don't need a louder entrance. You actually just need sharper radar. And that's exactly what we break down in our latest training, Conversation Radar. If you wanna know what to actually listen for, like Derek, so you can turn attention into influence, head to theartofcharm.com slash radar and start scanning the room like a pro.

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