The Ultimate Networking Playbook: A Compilation of Expert Advice for Introverts

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4:11Every episode is jam-packed with actionable steps to unlock the hidden superpowers inside of you. Level up with us each week by listening to interviews with the best in business, psychology, and relationships. We distill thousands of hours of research into the most effective tools and the latest science so you can start winning today. Let's face it. In order to be seen and heard, your communication needs to cut through the noise. And we're going to show you how. I'm AJ, successfully recovered introvert, entrepreneur, and self-development junkie. And I'm Johnny Zubak, former touring musician, promoter, rock and roller, and co-founder here at The Art of Charm.

4:46And for the last 15 years, we've trained thousands of top performers and teams from every background. We have dedicated our lives to teaching men and women all they need to know about communication, networking, and relationships. You shouldn't have to settle for anything less than extraordinary. All right, let's kick off today's show. We've assembled our favorite clips to share with you on networking secrets that even introverts can use to be successful. We discuss why networking is so important and unlocking your charisma with Karen Wickery and Matthew Pollard. We unpack the secrets to crushing your next in-person networking event with David Siegel.

5:24And Susan McPherson joins us to share how to effectively build lasting relationships. The experts on this compilation are Karen Wickery, author of Taking the Work Out of Networking. Matthew Pollard, the author of Introvert's Edge and Introvert's Edge to Networking. David Siegel, a close friend of ours and the CEO of meetup.com, and Susan McPherson, the author of The Lost Art of Connecting. We've discussed the importance of networking on this show, and everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. So let's get started. We prepare our X Factor members for a turbulent career path. Transitions are common, and companies pivot and transition.

6:02No one stays in their job or career forever, and that's why we need to network. Nobody stays in a job for 20, 30 years. They may not even stay in the same field. And in addition, we have geographical moves that can happen over time. And just different new roles and new kinds of jobs and careers are opening up fairly frequently now. So for all of these reasons, it just pays to make connections as you go along and then, as I say, stay in touch with them over time. because this much bigger network, it's bigger than your friends and family. You do know lots of people. It's just a matter of feeling comfortable in having some little bit of social lubrication, shall we say, with people so that when you do want to be in touch about a specific new opportunity, introduction, that new lead, something like that, it's okay to be in touch because essentially we're all doing it with each other all the time.

7:02It's very much a give and get situation as opposed to a single transaction where you're desperate and the other person is someone you are afraid to ask. That's why people hate networking. Now, why as an introvert might you be struggling in networking, procrastination, anxiety, or lack of planning? Let Matthew Pollard take you through the introvert's begrudging cognition of the inevitable. You think about networking, what does the average introvert do? We say, okay, I don't want to go networking. I'm definitely never going networking. Oh, I just lost my job. Oh, I lost that client. Okay, I'm going to have to go.

7:35So we book something in to say, I'm going to go to this networking event at this time. And then what do we want to do? We don't want to think about it. So we put it in our calendar and we try and push it out of our mind. Then we get that 45 minute reminder that we have to leave. So we spend the next 45 minutes not preparing, but trying to convince ourselves we don't need to go. Then we begrudgingly say, okay, I have to go. If it's just the virtual will switch on or if we have to go to that specific location, then we get there and we're not prepared because we spend no time thinking about it. And then we go up and the first person we speak to sells insurance.

8:08Oh gosh, why am I even here? It's such a waste of my time. Well, that's just lack of preparation. I mean, these days, especially, I mean, every event has a Facebook page, a LinkedIn page, a LinkedIn group, a meetup.com that has people's LinkedIn profiles connected. So when I go to an event, I will say firstly, you know, if I'm a PR agent, I'm not going to go to the local PR agency meetup group because my customers aren't there. So I go, where is my niche market of my ideal customers, which for me is introverted service providers. So I'm going to go where those people tend to hang out. Then before I go, I'm going to connect to the meetup group page or the Facebook page.

8:46Look at all the profiles of the people tagged in the photos so that I can connect with people in advance. Because these three people are the people I'm dying to see. Those insurance agents, when I see their face, I've got to make sure I walk the other way to get away from them so I don't spend my whole event talking to the wrong people. Matthew is right. And everyone listening to this knows that flow. But why not be prepared, excited, and have easy frameworks to follow? The difference between introverts and extroverts is where they draw their energy from. I define introversion, and look, don't get me wrong.

9:19The psychologists have got a lot of grant money over a long period of time to make it very complicated. But if we simplify it to the absolute base form, it's where you draw your energy from. So myself, when I go to a networking event, I am actually really good at it. I actually enjoy myself like a lot of my clients now do in selling and networking. But like a kid at Disneyland, I can enjoy all the rides, but it doesn't mean I'm not exhausted when I get home. An extrovert is the person that says, I had a great time. Let's go out and hang out with more people. That's not me. At the end of a networking event, the end of a speaking event, at the end of this podcast, I'm going to go put on a hoodie, watch a bit of Netflix and just chill out.

9:58Now, we know a lot of you can agree with what Matthew said about our introvert social battery. But here's the interesting part. Introverts can do very well at networking if they work to their strengths, as Matthew explains. Why is it that we have in our head, we can't do it? It's this fallacy of that you have to have gift of gap. Now, sure, extroverts have some advantages if they haven't done any planning and they just go in and wing it. Introverts cannot do that. But with the right planning, the right preparation, the right strategy, introverts do amazingly well at networking. And not only do they foster incredibly great, deep connections with a small number of people, they can actually foster strong relationships with a wide group of people.

10:40As long as they go in with a plan, not avoid thinking about the fact that they have to network until they're in the room and go, oh my gosh, who am I going to talk to? And then hold on to the first person they see. That's a failing strategy. That's what most introverted networkers do. But it's not the way to succeed. And it's definitely not the way to be the best at it. Johnny makes a great point on introvert being used as an excuse. And then Matthew and I share our own thoughts. Well, I think introverts get a bad rap because they have been used as a scapegoat and an excuse for so many people for so long that that idea of being an introvert gets conflated with, well, I can't do that because I'm an introvert.

11:23oh, I could never do that because I'm an introvert. These people are giving introverts and their abilities a bad name by using them and this idea of what an introvert is as an excuse not to take action. Any thoughts on that? I agree with that totally. And I'm not going to say it's those introverts do it. I do it. I mean, I'm the person that tells everyone, don't see yourself as a second class citizen. Your path to success is just different from a leadership perspective. We have to stop saying, oh little Sarah she doesn't speak up in management meetings you know I'm just going to catch her out and say Sarah what do you think and oh she just didn't have a great idea at the time no you caught her on the spot she got stuck in her head she wasn't prepared if you had an email to yesterday and said this is what we're going to be talking about and I'm going to open up an open discussion about this specific question and I want you to come in prepared with your answer Sarah just like you notice the following day when she comes up to you and says oh I thought about what you asked me and I've got this great idea, but now it's too late.

12:21We'll have that idea ready for you in the meeting. So yes, there are organizations that have to make a ton of adjustment to realize that their introverts are currently not getting the opportunities because leadership doesn't know how to manage them. And because HR is actually sending them the wrong training or making excuses for them that they don't need. They need to be held accountable just like anyone else. But in truth, I like to live in this world where it's all my fault. because if it's my fault, I can do something about it. So introverts have got to stop making excuses for themselves because for me, if I had have made excuses and said, oh, my boss isn't paying attention to me, oh, school's tough, I would never be where I am today.

13:01So much there to unpack. So let's go through it step by step. I think the first part of this is the preparation angle. Whether you're extroverted or introverted, to be successful at networking, you have to be prepared. And I went to a massive networking conference where I made that same mistake, that fallacy of like, oh, that person must be an extrovert. So that's why he's good at networking. And when I sat down to lunch with him and I started picking his brain around his strategy, I realized that the reason he was good at networking was not because he was extroverted. It was because he came incredibly prepared to that event.

13:34He knew exactly who he was going to talk about. He knew exactly who he was going to pitch. And he also knew who he was going to connect. And I think many of us go in the room without a plan. and we let our anxiety, our shyness, our introversion get the best of us. And we look at the extroverts and we go, oh, well, they're just winning. But they also have a plan. The extra edge that introverts have in networking, they aim to listen more and therefore can better adjust how much they share. One of the key ones we've mentioned a little bit in passing has to do with listening. So even as a kid, without any labels on it, I remember...

14:13I would just make a game. You know, someone would say to me, how are you? What's new with you? And I'd say, not so fast. I think, not so fast. You know, I'm going to make you talk first. You're going to tell me what's going on with you. And then I gauge in that few minutes, what do I want to share and how much? Now, that's just me. Maybe that's some kind of self-protection thing. I don't know. But the process is, no, I'm listening to you. I want to listen to you. I want to hear you first. And I would say introverts typically do not want to be out front, as I mentioned. And so the idea of, let me ask you the questions and hear from you, that has a good effect in a different way, which is that person feels listened to and heard and flattered somewhat in that process.

14:58And you get more information in order to figure out how much you want to reveal and also which way maybe the conversation goes based on that. I think that's a fantastic skill for making connections. Karen is so right. Using our frameworks and strategies can make networking fun. And our X Factor Accelerator classes help you strategize just exactly to your strengths and weaknesses. No need to force yourself into doing things you hate when you can lean into the areas where you're already great. Now, what do we do when it comes to in-person conferences? Conferences don't have to be stressful. In this next clip, AJ and David Siegel break down their five best strategies.

15:39Taraki, your next in-person networking event. So yeah, I teach entrepreneurship and strategy at Columbia. And a big part of entrepreneurship is finding investors and finding employees and just going to networking events to help to build your business. So one of the classes that I teach is specifically around my best practices in networking as part of being an entrepreneur. So I'll just give you my top five rather than the entire course because I don't know if we have time for that. So here we go. So number one is in the debate of trying to be more informal or more formal when networking, be more informal.

16:18Meaning too often when someone's networking, they'll say, and then I worked at this company for this number of years and worked at this company for this number of years. It's just very prescriptive and resume kind of stuff. I don't think people really want to hear your resume. They want to get to know you. So the more that you could pass the beer test, quote unquote, would you want to have a beer with this person and be more informal, you know, the more successful you're going to be in networking. I want to share something there. It's such an impactful tip. And when we think about, of course, when we're in a networking event, we want people to know where we worked, what experiences we have, and maybe you're looking for more career opportunities.

16:54What's far more powerful and it's going to make you memorable, stand out, is if you share what you loved about that experience working there. So what you loved about Google, what you were passionate about in your role at Facebook, what woke you up in the morning ready to get to work at Netflix, it's going to be far more interesting in conversation than saying, it's a data analysis at Facebook, and then I moved into digital marketing at Google, and now I'm looking for X, Y, and Z opportunity. When you speak to passion, it has emotion, and that emotion is what people remember. So at the end of the networking event, when they're sitting there with a stack of cards and all these new contacts, you're the one that's at the top of the list that they have to reach out to.

17:35Beautiful. Second is just, I would say, research, research, research. You know, I have one-on-one meetings with people who want to meet with me about a variety of different things. And sometimes I'll sit down and they're like, so what's this meetup thing? Tell me about that. And I'm like, really? I can't stand that. You couldn't have just like gone on our website for five minutes to know what that is? Or they'll say, so where did you work before? I'm like, go on LinkedIn for God's sake. I'm a CEO of a company. I don't meet with anyone beforehand, most junior person or not, that I don't go on LinkedIn beforehand if I know I'm going to have a meeting or I have a list of people that are going to be at some event and learn a little bit about the people and then find some commonalities, find some common interests, find whatever nonprofit that they're passionate about.

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21:18So even if you don't have a shared interest, what about their bio or their LinkedIn was intriguing to you? And then asking them, how did you get started in this? Or what drew you to that? Again, breaks out of these boring surface-level conversations that give networking a bad name. People look at networking events and go, ugh. If you have this ability with a little bit of research, you're setting yourself ahead of the pack. Okay, awesome. Number three for me is don't ask, always help. So what do I mean by that? I mean, oftentimes when people are networking, they're like, hey, can you refer me to this person?

21:56Can you try out my technology and see if it's any good? People are busy. You want to build a relationship. You want a relationship to be sustainable. You say, hey, David, you're writing a book. Would you like me to give you feedback on the book that you're writing. Hey, David, you teaching a class, love to see your syllabus, and maybe I can recommend something there. Hey, do you want someone to check out the app and give you suggestions about our app? Oftentimes, my students are like, but I can't help someone who's more senior than I am. Yes, you can. There's plenty of ways you can help in referring potential employees.

22:34There's a million things that people can do, even if they're 20 years, 30 years, quote unquote, less experienced. And I think that's really important to have the confidence and find ways you could help and ask, as opposed to just like, you know, asking for things from someone. So five minute favor is the mindset that we always talk about. What's a five minute favor that you could do for someone that you just met, right? It's not saying rewrite a thesis. It's not saying quit your job, take on a side hustle, but what's five minutes of your time that could help this other person? And I'm really happy that you brought up for those of us who are junior, because many of us feel like, Like, oh, well, they're so senior.

23:13There's nothing that I could really do to help. Guess what? An extra set of eyes, extra set of ears, and looking for ways to help instead of asking, how can I help? There's nothing more overwhelming as a leader than having an inbox full of, how can I help? How can I help? Well, I don't know anything about you, your skillset, what you're offering. And yeah, there's a zillion and one things that you could do to help, but I don't even have the time to tell you all the ways that you could help me. So do a little bit of legwork. spend five minutes and you'd be amazed how you then unlock reciprocity.

23:45When you start doing favors for people, they feel like they owe you subconsciously. And when we tap into reciprocity, all of a sudden our networking efforts become scalable, become exponential. Exactly. My favorite five-minute favor is just introducing someone to someone else. Because it's like both sides benefit. And then they think better of the person who made that introduction. I probably have done thousands of professional matchmaking, shall we say. Okay, number four on the list is staying in touch. I will have this amazing conversation with someone. They reached out to me. They want to build a relationship.

24:22And I thought we had a pretty fine time. I'm sure they did too. And then just like never again. They never follow up and say like, hey, I'm back in the city. Or hey, it's been a couple of years. Would you like to get back together for breakfast? Not never. but it's a low percentage. Being like, like operationally savvy and just putting things in your calendar a year later or saying, Hey, would you be open to getting back together for breakfast in six months from now? The answer is going to be yes. If it's a great conversation, of course the answer is yes. Why don't I get, can we get, have breakfast next week?

24:54No, I'm not going to get breakfast again next week. It's a little too quickly, but like six months later, three months later, happily, happy to do that. And people just don't make the effort to build that next second and third and fourth kind of conversation, they have one and then somehow it just dissipates. Well, it's never awkward to reach back out. I think that's the problem. People fall out. They don't have systems in place. They don't have habits around reaching back out. And then a lot of pressure builds up. They're like, oh, I got to make excuses for why this didn't happen. They don't matter.

25:26Throw out the invite, throw out what you enjoyed, and the other person will be happy to hear from you. Stop putting your expectations in. I'll get something from someone five years later and say like, hey, I'm in town. You want to get together? We got together. I'm like, absolutely. So it's all good. And the last one is just what I call the most important question, which in the most important question in networking is simply, is there anyone else that you recommend that I spend time talking to? And that is a bit of an ask. So that goes a little bit against it. but if you hopefully have found a way to help the person as well, asking the question of, is there anyone else that you think I should speak to both to help them, you know, or, or build a relationship with, I think people don't do that often enough.