Understanding Oneself: Lessons in Self-Love and Personal Growth w/ Prince EA

27:58The books are the cheat code. So for me, it was picking up books about how to be happy because I knew first in order for my life to get better, I had to get better. One of those books that had a huge impact on me, it is the second most translated book in the world, second to the Bible. Some say it's the wisest book ever written. It's called the Tao Te Ching, Book of the Way, Lao Tzu. Amazing book. It's poetry. This is probably why I had a connection to it, right? Being at rap and coming into poetry. But it was books. I didn't have the mentors. So it was the literature for me, spending my last money on, it was studio time and then books, all the money I had in my account, because I knew it was an investment.

28:48I don't know. I grew up different also from my brothers. I got two older brothers. I don't know, man. I was always like, there's nothing I can't do if I really want to do it. I never had limitations. Maybe growing up, I felt like if I put my mind to it, I could be the best rapper in the world. I could be this. I could be that. If that's something I really wanted to do, I could not think when Will Smith say, I could be president if I wanted to. I felt that when he said that years ago because I feel the same way. I mean, there's nothing you can't do because it's been done by people probably with worse circumstances than you have.

29:28So long story short, I think books were definitely my portal into changing my life. So I'd love to unpack your reading process because many of our listeners love books. We have authors on the show constantly. Johnny and I are avid readers of all the guests' work. how do you approach a book and how do you actually take that information? Because that's the big thing for me is turning that information to knowledge, right? Where you're acting on it, where it's actually changing and improving versus having that encyclopedia of information that you draw from, but you don't actually live. Yeah. Yeah.

30:02Yeah. Information without action is, is, is impotent. I love reading books, physical, physical books, but also, I mean, you saw the, the picture of all the books I had. I probably had twice as many audio books. I love listening to books. I love going for walks and reading or listening to the information and taking notes. I'm not a big fiction guy. I've always been into the practical. How can this impact my life for the better? Some of my favorites are, you know, Change Your Brain, Change Your Life. Dr. Amen, That was a huge one. You know, the happiness equation, the Tao Te Ching, the Ribbu Gita, Bhagavad Gita.

30:46Basically things involving health. What did he say? Early to bear, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise, right? So health, wealth, and wisdom for me. You know, anything that could level up where I am or where I was. You know, I mean, my process is, you know, I download a book, say on Audible, and I go for walks. I'm constantly bookmarking, you know, certain places in the book that I find interesting. And the funny thing about books is they'll lead you to other resources too, right? So it's not just, you know, in a vacuum. It leads you into other crazy areas. I just read it. And yeah, you're right.

31:32You really have to, you have to do something with it, right? I think in the Bible it says faith without works is dead, right? So you got to work. You can't just believe you got to do. It starts, it starts, it starts, it starts with identity. You got to be before you can do and do before you can have. It starts with being because if you don't have the confidence, if you don't have the self-image, you won't carry out any of the instructions in these books because some part of your subconscious might believe, I'm not meant for that. I'm not destined to that. Oh, they did it. I'll never do it. Some part of your subconscious, and a lot of people face that.

32:19I know I've faced that until I realized that the The me I see is the me I'll be. So it starts with who I am. The most important question I think that we can ask ourselves. And I got lucky because for me, my foundation was, it was the spiritual books. And what happens when the foundation, when it's founded upon the spiritual books and principles, you realize there's actually no limits. If you're just, I think personal growth is very limited. You can never perfect the person. The person can always get better and change and this and that. And, you know, that creates an incompleteness feeling. But when you recognize that the spirit is always whole and perfect as it is, everything else is just building on top of that.

33:14And when I say spirit, I don't mean something that is an idea. I mean, something that's really practical. And I know you're a scientist, so I'd love to know your opinions or experiences on this state of being we call spirit or soul. But once you identify as that and not this body, what can hurt you? I mean, if you identify as spirit, as this formlessness, what do you care about, views or anything? That's a personal problem. You go back to how they came up with the word person. It comes from the Greek word persona, meaning mask, right? And our whole world is built upon the mask. Oh, you're acting out of character.

34:09So character is just, it's a fiction. What's real? And I think if you can ground yourself in that, that's it. That's the foundation that true success can grow from.

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37:16Or how do you feel like you've unlocked confidence in your life? Because many of our listeners, that first step we talk about, I talked about when I came on your show, the mindset piece, like you could have all the information, all the access to knowledge. I mean, listening to shows, YouTube, people listening to us right now trying to gain that information. But if the mindset, the belief isn't there that you're worthy, you can, how do you act on it? How do you actually create the change? That's it. That's it. There's a story I like to tell of a father who's babysitting his young son. Babysitting.

37:55People will hate me for saying that. He's taking care of his young son. His wife left. She's, you know, out hanging with the girls. And he's, you know, Pops is at home. He wants to watch the game. But little Timmy is, really wants to play with him. So dad is getting a little frustrated. And Timmy keeps coming up to, daddy, daddy, play with me, play with me. But, you know, the Super Bowl is on. And he just wants to watch the game. The dad, he starts thinking. and say, okay, what can I do to get some time and watch the game? So he looks at the coffee table and he finds a magazine. So he picks up the magazine and flips through it and he finds a picture of a world map.

38:42So he gets some scissors and he starts cutting this map out in a little pieces, thinking that he can create a puzzle for little Timmy that'll keep him occupied long enough that he can finish the game. He's a brilliant idea. Yeah. So he cuts this map into little pieces and he says, Timmy, come here. Yeah, daddy. Timmy, I'll play a game with you here. This is a puzzle. And if you could put the pieces of this puzzle together, I'll play with you. But you know what? Not only will I play with you, I'll take you out and get you your favorite toy and ice cream. You like vanilla ice cream, right? Yeah.

39:20Okay. Put this together. I'll play with you. Sounds like a great deal. It's a great deal. So Timmy, he goes to his bedroom and he gets to work. And the dad is like, yes, I can finally watch the game in peace. Yes. Well, a few minutes later, little Timmy comes in the room with a completed puzzle. Didn't make it hard enough. And the dad is like, what the heck? Who you got back there helping? Timmy, this is freaking me out. How the heck did you put this together so fast? And Timmy said, well, dad, on the back of the map was a man's face. And I knew if I got the man right, the world would come together.

40:10I love this story so much because that's it. It starts once we get the man right, the woman right. Then all worlds come together. Whatever we want to do, it starts with understanding who we are, getting us. You cannot pour from an empty cup. It's not selfish to give yourself self-love. It's the most selfless thing that we can do. And only when the individual is optimized, is right, is healthy, can they be good to their family? Can they be beneficial to their community? Can they be beneficial to the world? And we miss that a lot. We miss that. We oftentimes want to change so many things on the outside, but we forget it's us.

41:01There's one earth, but there's billions of worlds. And everybody's living in their own individual world. We got to get our world right, our map right. If we don't, then it's about as stupid as trying to relieve an itch by scratching the outside of the shoe. You got to get in there. I think it's often easier to focus on the external, to try to please others in hopes of winning that value back for yourself, to be seen in a different way, to shift the way someone views you. It's often harder to do the internal work, to find yourself, to really put into action everything that you've learned, everything you've taken away.

41:42And I think I'd love to hear how growing this platform, building this impact, and all of the fame that comes along with it. You've met incredible people along the way. How do you view relationships now, the people that you let into your life, that you show the map to, and the people that maybe aren't a good fit for you? Oh, wow. Yeah. So important. It comes back to that life audit. But, you know, is this person an asset or a liability in my life? You know, if your life was a business, is it a successful one, right? Is other people— How do you define asset? Because I feel like it can lead to transactional views, right?

42:23Like trying to get something out of others. And I think that will often lead you astray as well. Yeah, yeah. It's the language, right? It goes back to that language. Language is tricky. But, you know, I see an asset just as a benefit. Somebody who's really there. You know, I think a best friend is somebody who brings the best out of you. You know, are they bringing the best out of you or are they lowering your vibration? And we can outgrow people as well. And there's nothing wrong with that. You know, these questions, I think, are also, it's like, who do you keep in your life? Who do you remove from it?

42:56I think it happens once you build up that inner wisdom within yourself. You can, these choices happen spontaneously. and they're often made for you. I think you just, when you hold a vibration and energy, I think you attract that energy as well. Jay-Z's got a line. He says that they look at you strange and say you changed. Like I worked that hard to stay the same. It's okay to change. It's okay to grow. Some people will try to pull you back, you know, the crabs in the bucket. But I think it's also a recognition that this life is very precious. I think friends, that's why we're here, right? I mean, relationships, friends, it's the most important variable to health, wealth, success, longevity.

43:47It's friends. But I think each person, when they really honor and love themselves, they will only allow people in their space that can do that as well. You know, just like a yawn is contagious. So is energy. And just being around it affects you. If you see a smile or if I smile and the same neurons will fire in your brain as though you were smiling, we're connected. You got to find a tribe that really fits your flow, fits your frequency, your energy, your vibe. Do you feel that over the years your tribe has shifted? Have you gone through those moments where you've had to leave tribe members behind?

44:40Yeah, I have. I have for sure. Yeah, I call them unreconcilable differences. But people can grow. People can change. But also, listen, you're talking to an introvert. You're talking to somebody who enjoys spending time by himself. Yeah. Well, there's sort of two sides to the coin, right? There's the new people who now see your fame, see the platform you built and want to be a part of it and sometimes want something from you along the way. Then there's also the people who are in your life before the platform was built, who know you as the boy with the stack of books, who know you as the introvert in the back of the class.

45:19So I think a big part of this journey that we're all on is the people who are joining your life and letting in the right people who have that energy, that vibe, that ability to make you feel whole and love you? And who are the people that maybe we need to leave behind who knew you as the young boy with books in the room, in the back of the class, being the introvert, who maybe aren't a good fit energetically for your life any longer? And some people would call those the day ones. Yeah. The day ones. Yeah. I think it's important to recognize that you select friends with a common future, not just a common past.

46:03That's a beautiful, succinct way of as a guide for people who are struggling to figure that question out. Who do I let in? Who do I? But there's a level that I think goes beyond architecting certain people and being very strict and rigid on who you let in. I think you've got to be open to that flow too, you know? Because some people get caught into the trap, and I've seen this a lot of what can they do for me? Yeah. Man, that's a toxic way to live. Well, often in life, people can't do something for you right away, right? Relationships take a while, just like a garden to grow, to water, to go from stranger to acquaintance, to friend, to confidant, to someone you really trust.

46:58And if you were to write everyone off immediately based on what they could do for you, well, you're not going to have too many plants in that garden. Well said. Well said. Well said. So I think it's based on the inner wisdom. You know, when somebody can really see the beauty and love in themselves, value themselves, you're just not going to want to be around people who bring you down. Yeah. And that's okay. Yeah. I think giving yourself that permission, too, because it's often hard, especially with the day ones who you feel like you spent the most time with, you've invested a lot in, and they've invested a lot in you.

47:38Those friend breakups can be the hardest. Yeah.

47:44You know, I meet people who have trouble saying no, and I just don't have trouble doing it. I had a feeling, based on the stack of books, there are more important things than the superficial. Yeah, that whole people-pleasing thing. Yeah. It's real. People go through it that need to be liked. Yeah. I don't know. I think Rudyard Kipling had a good poem about seeing praise and blame as two illusions, two sides of the same coin. They said the same sword they knight you with, they good knight you with. So it's really going to come down to when you have that inner wisdom, you'll be able to make the decisions for who goes and who stays.

48:36But it comes from looking within. But one thing that I've actually had, and I'm still working through to make this a better part of my life, something that I do, and that's reaching out to friends, telling friends that they matter, that they're special, that I really appreciate and value them. because I didn't grow up having that. It's a bit of a, it's something that I see, I observe, and that I have to work on reaching out, telling people they're valuable, why they're here. Because friendships are super important, super important. I think I grew up wanting to kind of do everything by myself. What's that movie?

49:21Ah, Do It Myself. Bit of a lone wolf. Bit of a lone wolf. I've always had a few friends, but I was never like that. It's something that I want to get better at is keeping in touch, staying in people's lives, and showing love, showing people that they are loved. Because I think as an introvert, we can take it for granted, or we might hesitate to reach out. and even people who want to go out, we might say, no, I'm okay. I'm at home. Just, you know, we say we got big plans. We're just at home petting our cat. I think understanding is key in friendships too. You know, understanding is love's other name.

50:08So I think understanding how people operate, not taking it personally, but reaching out, vocalizing, telling people that they matter. Yeah. I completely agree. And I have to be intentional enough to put it on my calendar. Yeah. So Wednesdays for me, the hump day, I have a slot at the end of the day to reach out to people in my life along the way. And that's the great part about social media. Yeah. You know, there are so many downsides, but what people are posting, they care about. And it's a way for you to reach back out, see what's going on in their life. Even if you haven't talked in months and with the pandemic for some, it's been years.

50:44So you've got a day. You schedule out people. It's just held on my calendar to wrap my Wednesday afternoon to remind me that I have a tendency to go the lone wolf route, to shoulder it all alone, and to let those relationships that matter to me turn into acquaintances, turn into estranged because they haven't heard from me. Yeah, yeah. And it just takes one person to say, hey, I'm thinking of you, or I saw you posted this, or hey, how was that trip? To spark that conversation, to rekindle that connection that may have just frayed because both of you naturally just sort of went your separate ways with life.

51:22and with what Daniel Waldinger shared with us in the Harvard Happiness Study, just the impact that relationships have in our lives and his study participants who were intentional about keeping those relationships versus those who went the lone wolf direction and the health complications that followed that, I think for me it's just that reminder. But I have to be intentional because as an introvert, at the end of the day I feel drained and it's often the last thing I want to do. Oh, you do it at the end of the day. Yeah, because I feel like, especially on a Wednesday, you know, everyone's got plans on the weekend.

51:56Mondays are crazy, but Wednesday is kind of that hump day where everyone's like, what are we going to watch on TV? What's going on? And then it's like, oh, a touch base from AJ and a conversation. Yeah, yeah. That's great. That's great. Yeah, I know that's something that I'd like to do better on. Yeah, I think it's the most important thing in relationships, right? Your tribe, cultivating that and really showing people that they're loved. that's so important. Like you said, you know, just, hey, I'm thinking about you. That could change somebody's whole day, you know? Super important. So we love asking every guest what their X factor is.

52:34What do you think makes you unique and extraordinary? I think I've been graced with a, and when I say I, I think this thing we call Princey A, This character seems to have an insight that I don't see many other people have. And what is that insight? I think that insight is that I'm not these thoughts and I'm not this body. Maybe as a kid, I used to look in the mirror and I'd say, who is that? That's not me. Maybe it was like that, or maybe it was doing what's called self-inquiry practice, where you literally ask yourself, who am I? To whom do these thoughts come to? But I think it's just grace.

53:22I don't know. I mean, some people meditate for 50 years and that insight just isn't there. So I think if there's any X factor, it's that deep self-awareness. Thank you so much for joining us and sharing your wisdom. What's your X factor? My X factor? I honestly think it's my introversion and being a deep listener. I've really always just had that ability, whether it's audiobooks, whether it's podcasting, conversations, just always had that curiosity through listening, just picking up on threads wanting to get to know people at a deeper level i think that's what makes me unique and extraordinary whereas in the past i feel like i would have used my introversion as a reason to say that i'm a victim or i can't achieve or an excuse i now see it as a superpower superpower wow that's beautiful okay and you so your introversion allowed you to kind to get to where you are today, the success that you have attained, it was because of your deep listening skills and learning.

54:36Yeah, I was ashamed of it in grad school. I thought it was a real hurdle to moving forward because everyone that I saw successful was extroverted. I never really saw it as a superpower. And over the years, doing these interviews and having an opportunity to meet so many people, I actually feel that the introversion, being introspective, and then also deep listening along with that, I feel has created deeper relationships in my life. And I view it now as something that makes me extraordinary. Such a good way to look at it. Yeah. I think people should lean into that, right? Like turn your weaknesses into strengths, you know?

55:13It's in your weaknesses that you are strong, right? They're all gifts, right? And if we look at it as a weakness, going back to that language, you know, it can become too big of a hurdle for us. Yeah, look at it as a gift.

55:30And you think you're, I asked you this on my podcast, but you think your introversion, you kind of inherited it from your family. Yeah, from my upbringing. Now, do you think it's possible to re-imprint yourself to become an extrovert? I don't. I feel these interactions, even after this interview, I'm going to go back and I'm going to want some space, even for my wife. She'll say there's no shifting AJ to extrovert. That's why I know wholeheartedly that I'm an introvert. Time around people, what I give to my clients in the coaching programs, it does exhaust me. I need to recharge my battery. I feel drained in an extrovert's role.

56:17But what's been great about the podcast is I've learned all these amazing strategies and techniques and ways of being that extroverts use in their lives. And now I can see them as tools, but they exhaust me. I know an ambivert is something too. Yeah, you kind of feel middle of the road. There are moments in environments where you feel extremely extroverted and then there are moments or environments where you want to shy away. Do you feel extroverted at all in certain moments? I think people perceive me as more extroverted than I am. Okay, but you don't really feel that. Ah, interesting. So it's okay.

56:53Oh, that's fascinating. Okay, this is another episode. That's great. Well, what's interesting now, I think, and we have an influence index on our website. It's a quiz that people can take. And over half of people identify as ambiverts. Yeah, okay. A little bit of both. Okay, that makes sense. I feel like as people are more aware of introversion and extroversion, we kind of have that middle ground that most people reside in. But I'm firmly an introvert. You know, I read a book called The Mood Cure. You would like this. It's written by a PhD, Julia Ross. And she speaks to this. She speaks to depression, also maybe a little bit of introversion.

57:30But she provides certain nutraceuticals for people. one of them was, I want to say, it wasn't theanine. It might've been tryptophan, L-tryptophan or something like that. So I took this supplement and I became an extrovert. I'm waiting for the cape. I'm waiting for you to - I became an extrovert because it was something in my brain, I believe, whether it's dopamine levels or something that might normally be low. to the neurochemistry. Changed it. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Thank you, brother. So much fun. So much fun.

58:22This week's shout out goes to Mark, who has put his X-Factor training to work, hosting events, and building out his network. Mark recently moved to a new town and wanted to get a jumpstart on building his new network to be more efficient with his time. He felt like chasing one-on-one hangouts was challenging to align schedules with people. We worked together inside the X Factor Accelerator and built a personalized plan for Mark to follow. His first event was a huge success and he's having even more fun than ever before, bringing people together. He even met some new people he hadn't invited because he asked people to bring guests.

58:57The X Factor Accelerator is about working smarter, not harder, to make your social and dating life fun and exciting again. Way to go, Mark. If you've been listening this far, it's because you want more out of life and finally succeed at love, work, and life. If that's the case, then join us, the Art of Charm team, and show fans just like yourself who are meeting weekly to grow their charisma, build unstoppable social confidence, and grow their network inside our world-famous X-Factor Accelerator program. The X-Factor Accelerators, where high-achieving, like-minded people meet, strategize, to unlock your hidden X-Factor to make sure that you get the most out of life's opportunities and unlock those doors keeping you from success.

59:36Simple and easy to execute frameworks and strategies that will instantly create high value relationships and magnetically attract people to you. Weekly implementation sessions with opportunity to practice your conversation skills, rapport building, supercharging your charisma through powerful communication and unlock the charm to attract the right people into your life. Imagine what you can accomplish with coaching and mentorship with the art of charm. What are you waiting for? Join us today at unlockyourxfactor.com. All right, before we head out, a huge thank you to our producers, Michael Harreld and Eric Montgomery.

1:00:10We hope you have an epic week.

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