Why ‘Always Be Closing’ Is Killing Your Network [Social Intelligence Brief]

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1:18I never have fun in those situations. And unfortunately, that's often what we default to in networking situations. And I get it. You're working a job that's demanding. You have KPIs. You're trying to sell your services. You want to get ahead in your career. And naturally, when you're in an environment where there's a ton of people who could help you, you want to close them on whatever deals there are to be made. But unfortunately, you're actually short-circuiting what will make you most successful at networking. And that's why today we want to talk about how this always be closing mindset is actually working against you.

1:56Always be closing treats relationships like transactions, but high performers don't transect, they compound. And research shows that people can tell performing confidence. and people don't want to go to a networking event and not get something out of it. They're making time for this, right? That's an important asset. What happens is people put massive expectations to make it worth it for themselves. That makes them nervous, right? People want to be strategic, put themselves out there. They want to be productive, so they throw themselves into it. And with that comes that icky used car salesman vibe, right?

2:45This creates the networking fatigue that everybody hates. And that's why networking has such bad connotations. But imagine if the thought of going to a networking event was connected with you, meeting incredibly amazing people who want to help you out, right? If that was the thought, well, people would be more eager about that. So what we want to do is help you be the change. One of my mentors very early on in my own networking career pulled me aside and literally said, the closing happens after the event. And once I recognized that I was no longer trying to transact while I was networking, but instead I was looking to build trust and rapport, it became incredibly easy to have fun networking.

3:38And all of a sudden, those follow-up conversations and deals were closing for me because I was no longer performing at the event. So I totally understand when you're put in that situation and you feel like you got to get more deals, you got to get more leads, you got to build pipeline, that you need to be immediately switching gears and transacting with as many people as possible. But the highest performers actually focus on quality interactions and quality relationship building at those events because the closing happens outside of the events. And that's why we dread going to networking events because oftentimes we're just encountering people trying to sell us their services immediately, even skipping over small talk and getting to know anything about us.

4:24And I'm sure right now, Now, if you were to scroll through your LinkedIn in-mail, you'd see a lot of that conversation happening there too. And how many of those are actually getting a response from you? Probably close to zero because naturally we don't like just being sold to when that person doesn't know anything about us, hasn't invested anything in getting to know us, and certainly hasn't tried to build any trust or relationship with us. Recently, we had a member join the X Factor Accelerator who his entire point in joining the program was to be more effective networking because the KPIs in his role had just doubled.

5:01And he was nervous about what was going to happen with this increased sales quota. He was tasked with going to a couple industry conferences and then actually going out and finding more events to network at. And he looked at his past results and realized that he didn't actually generate a lot of business from networking. So when he joined the program, he's like, great, I want the networking tactics that are going to help me close more deals. Once he shifted that mindset to how do I just build great relationships, leave a great impression and focus on the other person at the event and never bring up my services and not look to transact at the event, everything became a lot easier.

5:36And he actually wrote us about seven months later, they had not only met his quota, he had exceeded it and he had moved into a management role because of it. It can be hard at first because you're feeling the pressure internally to hit those numbers, but it actually snowballs. And over the long haul, it creates way more success in your career to focus on the relationship building in person at the event and the closing after the event. And now it's not about closing. Now it's about meeting amazing people and connecting with them. And that's what we're going to put our focus on. And think of how your actions and behaviors change with that new goal.

6:21So rather than your elevator pitch, rather than figuring out how many people you're going to need to close, how many lunches are you going to need to fill next week? It's all about, I'm going to meet cool people. I'm going to listen to their stories and I'm going to create impactful moments so that they remember me. When you're focused on closing, your aggressive closing confuses assertiveness for influence. You may feel like getting to that transactional conversation earlier gets you more opportunity, but it actually gets you less opportunity because the people who are driving the always be closing mindset at those events are not the people who are getting introduced to people they could be closing with.

7:11It's counterintuitive. When you invest in the people that you're interacting with, as Johnny said, and having great interactions, they are more likely to introduce you to other people. But if instead you just jump into the always be closing mindset, you rob your chance at any introductions happening at that event because the person introducing you is not gonna feel comfortable with you selling the next person and being associated with that mindset. The real high value behavior is actually curiosity plus validation. by getting the other person to share more and then validating the emotions behind what they're sharing.

7:51That is how we're generating that trust and rapport that's actually going to lead to the closing conversation after the event. So when you're trying to close, you're actually chasing high status people. They don't chase. They attract by listening, validating, and creating opportunities for the other people to share and close in front of them. As the weather finally cools down, I'm swapping in the pieces that actually get the job done. Warm, durable, and built to last. And Quince delivers every time. Quince has all the fall staples you actually want to wear on repeat, like 100 % Mongolian cashmere sweater starting at just$60, classic fit denim, and real leather and wool outerwear that looks sharp and holds up.

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10:25This isn't karma. It's social capital. And the key isn't giving big. It's giving relevant. So I want to get into this a little bit because before we get to giving relevant, we have to get our mind wrapped around giving to give and add value because we got to get our brain thinking in that manner so that we could slowly start picking up on the things that tell us what is relevant to the people that we are speaking to. We want to get one idea cemented in our brain to allow other ideas to get cemented into our brain. So once that's set up and you start looking to give, you begin to tune in your radar to what matters most.

11:15But truth is, people will tell you everything that you need to know about them. All you have to do is find out what to listen for. This actually reminds me of Ryan. So Ryan was tasked with closing this one deal. So he had one deal on the line from this entire event. And he knew exactly who he wanted to approach and have a conversation with. So he started with the give first mindset, opening the conversation with curiosity and recognize that the person he was sharing with was actually very frustrated about what was going on with their accounting, something completely different than the service that Ryan was looking to sell.

11:55So he immediately recognized that this was an opportunity to give, as Johnny said, social capital, whether that's your network, whether that's your expertise, or whether that's some emotional support. Well, he actually knew someone in his network that's a phenomenal accountant who could take a look at the problem that they were having. And he offered, hey, would you like me to make an introduction to my friend? Ended the interaction, followed up with later. And that's where the close actually happened. So what ended up happening is he made the introduction. it certainly helped the prospect that he was talking with but then that prospect reached out to him said hey i'd actually love to learn more about your service and he ended up closing the deal after the event now why was that so big because he knew going into the event the expectation was he has to land this client and naturally you would feel in that moment well i gotta start selling my services i gotta start talking about how we could benefit him but But shifting the conversation to recognizing, well, what was the real pain point here?

12:54And how could I solve that first before getting into my services led to him actually closing the deal? And we've seen this time and time again from clients in our program. You will close 10 times more deals when you are just giving first and looking for those opportunities to give before looking for any opportunity to sell or close. So here is your new mantra. Don't close a deal. Open a relationship. I love it. And there's three easy ways to start that today. And number one is to switch from doing the pitching to doing the buying. And what that means is to get your questions ready, but not any questions.

13:39You don't want to be somebody who's interrogating everybody that you meet because that's going to push people away too. We want to ask open-ended questions specifically designed to unlock values, motivations, and aspirations that these people have so that you are able to speak directly to those things. This puts people in a heightened emotional state, turning small talk mumbo jumbo that everybody hates into fascinating smart talk that people remember. This is where you learn to identify what's important and what values they are connecting with. From there, it is learning ways to validate what they have shared.

14:27And that validation could be the positive emotion of congratulating them on closing a big deal or having a huge win, or it could be supporting them with the frustration that they're having like Ryan did earlier. And what's so interesting is as you ask these open-ended questions and you start to pay closer attention to the emotions that are being shared with their answers, you can start to actually put yourself in a position to win in the conversation, not to close the deal, but to actually win their trust and to build rapport that fosters relationships that lead to more deals closing. And the key difference here is we want to leave the interaction with the other person feeling understood.

15:09That's ultimately what validation is. And if you're doing that at your next event, you're fostering the relationship building that leads to great conversations after the event. And that's where the closing happens, as my mentor shared. Now, circling back to Ryan, what I love about his story is not only did he end up closing that deal with his target that he went to the event for, but that actually fostered a referral relationship. So by leading with value, solving a problem completely unrelated to the service that Ryan was selling. He built a great relationship with that soon-to-be customer who then couldn't wait to share his solution with others, generating more referral business for Ryan.

15:52So when we recognize that always be closing ends up pushing people away, being too assertive and transactional in environments where, as Johnny pointed out, people are looking to connect, have a good time, and build and foster great relationships, we can 10X the outcome at any event we go to. And now we don't have to play the transaction game where we're chasing numbers and chasing as many interactions as possible. We can focus on investing in the interactions that we're having and creating the trust and rapport that's needed to actually close those deals later. That's what I love about this. This week, your mission is to catch yourself trying to close.

16:31We want you to stop and instead be open. Bring that curiosity, validate those emotions, and look for ways that you can help them win outside of selling them anything. So in your next three conversations, do this. Ask a how or a why question. Really go deep with that open-ended question. Spot an emotional bid, that moment of emotional connection, and validate what they're feeling, positive or negative emotion. And then offer something useful without expectation of anything, without it leading to a sales conversation, without it focus on closing a deal, but instead being helpful and supportive around what that person just shared with you.

17:10If this shift hit you hard, this is exactly what we practice in our implementation sessions in the X Factor Accelerator. Because so many of our clients are joining us not just to grow their social lives or to have a better dating life, but also to get ahead in their career. And we all know the pressures there are with generating business, looking to get promoted and making a real impact in your career. And they start with great relationships. And that's why we practice everything that we just shared here. We like to think of these like a social skills dojo where you can get those reps and get the great feedback from our coaches so that when you go to the event like Ryan, you can have the conversation that generates trust and rapport that leads to the close and builds your referral engine.

17:55Right. We take the time for you to build a conversational repertoire that is stuck in your head that you will use over and over again to get results that you desire. Not, I hope this works out. I'm going to shoot for the fences and hope something happens here. No, you're practicing. It's perfect practice for perfect outcomes. So if you're looking for more opportunities like this, join us in our X Factor Accelerator program at unlockyourxfactor.com.

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